FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Reaching out

Jump to newest
 

By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Following on from Noochies thread, I started wondering about how many people would reach out to others publicly and privately if they see someone in need?

Is it something that you do regularly for a person regardless of your connection with them? For a friend in need?

Do you triage people according to your understanding and your own situation?

Is it dependent on if you believe that it’s a genuine need or not?

I’m not trying to pass judgement here, my wording is somewhat clumsy, I’m just wondering if and how people offer support and in what circumstance?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I’ve done it twice and both times it was turned. I was up most of the night not long ago trying to help someone. I probably won’t now.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I have done in the past yes especially if its something I've been through.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I’ve done it twice and both times it was turned. I was up most of the night not long ago trying to help someone. I probably won’t now. "

Turned how?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand your meaning

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Both of us will reach out to a person in need off line. We've done it twice recently, both strangers to us. We'd do it for friends and family.

On line we're far more guarded.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"I’ve done it twice and both times it was turned. I was up most of the night not long ago trying to help someone. I probably won’t now.

Turned how?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand your meaning "

Turned as in he was suicidal. Chatted to him most of the night, him numbers to call etc. Looked up stuff on the internet. I was genuinely worried. Then after a few hours he said sexy pics can I add you as a friend. Fuming isn’t the word!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I have done in the past yes especially if its something I've been through. "

Experience can be a big motivation. Understanding what a person is going through and how they feel can be both helpful but also triggering

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have done and will do again. It does depend on if I think I can help and if I have the energy to help. Not to sound selfish but if I'm in a crappy place myself I'm not the best person to help someone else.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not something I'd do on here, no

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I’ve done it twice and both times it was turned. I was up most of the night not long ago trying to help someone. I probably won’t now.

Turned how?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand your meaning

Turned as in he was suicidal. Chatted to him most of the night, him numbers to call etc. Looked up stuff on the internet. I was genuinely worried. Then after a few hours he said sexy pics can I add you as a friend. Fuming isn’t the word!"

Yep. One of the reasons we're guarded.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My good friends on here know that I will always help when I can

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I’ve done it twice and both times it was turned. I was up most of the night not long ago trying to help someone. I probably won’t now.

Turned how?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand your meaning

Turned as in he was suicidal. Chatted to him most of the night, him numbers to call etc. Looked up stuff on the internet. I was genuinely worried. Then after a few hours he said sexy pics can I add you as a friend. Fuming isn’t the word!"

So you think that it was either a ploy or playing you for attention?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have done elsewhere, but I wouldn’t here. I’m far to suspicious of everyone, and very wary of attention seeking and mind game playing.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I do and have if I feel I can add something of value to them

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I have done and will do again. It does depend on if I think I can help and if I have the energy to help. Not to sound selfish but if I'm in a crappy place myself I'm not the best person to help someone else.

"

That makes absolute sense. You can’t pour from an empty jar

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"I’ve done it twice and both times it was turned. I was up most of the night not long ago trying to help someone. I probably won’t now.

Turned how?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand your meaning

Turned as in he was suicidal. Chatted to him most of the night, him numbers to call etc. Looked up stuff on the internet. I was genuinely worried. Then after a few hours he said sexy pics can I add you as a friend. Fuming isn’t the word!

So you think that it was either a ploy or playing you for attention? "

If you were as bad as he said he was where he was literally going to take his life you don’t say that and start turning it sexual! So yes. I do and I felt a mug and was extremely pissed off.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

If I think I can help I will. I'm more inclined to if it's someone I've interacted with on the forum though to be honest, because I don't want people thinking I'm poking my nose in.

Last year I got lots of support from people of the forum after having a ectopic pregnancy rupture and ending up in HDU.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"My good friends on here know that I will always help when I can "

What about people who aren’t friends but are in need?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I will reach out. I have reached out and I will reach out again but ........ it's not consistent. Plus I do feel that there is often judgements attached...

Like nope they are a mean fucker

Nope they are fat cos they shovel it in faster than they can shit it out

Nope cos they keep doing the same thing over n over n over

Nope cos they are limpet like and don't let go .....

I'd like to say that I help anyone regardless but self preservation kicks in with me ....

I will help ANYONE in the street...... moving buggies, catching dogs, looking for lost pets , lost money , directions etc etc etc .....

Sadly if I'm aware that someone has severe mental health problems then again I consider if I am capable of getting involved in a sustained manner and often just direct them the right way for help.....

etc.

Hope I got that in before the deluded saintly brigade rock up with their usual impressions of Mother Theresa in blinkers and on helium.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I do it spontaneously when reading threads and always on the 'your week in 3 words' to all who appear to be struggling. It has always been appreciated so far

I also reach out to friends when they hide profile - as they do, to me .. It's lovely to feel that virtual pat on the shoulder and know that someone cares

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a lady friend on hear who I message on hear she has helped me shall we say with certain issues really nice person sych once a week helps as well

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I’ve done it twice and both times it was turned. I was up most of the night not long ago trying to help someone. I probably won’t now.

Turned how?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand your meaning

Turned as in he was suicidal. Chatted to him most of the night, him numbers to call etc. Looked up stuff on the internet. I was genuinely worried. Then after a few hours he said sexy pics can I add you as a friend. Fuming isn’t the word!

So you think that it was either a ploy or playing you for attention?

If you were as bad as he said he was where he was literally going to take his life you don’t say that and start turning it sexual! So yes. I do and I felt a mug and was extremely pissed off. "

I can absolutely understand that anger

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to regularly help people, but it drained me, and usually for little thanks. Then I see the same behaviours and issues repeated by the person.

I give my time and help far less nowadays. I just do me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"If I think I can help I will. I'm more inclined to if it's someone I've interacted with on the forum though to be honest, because I don't want people thinking I'm poking my nose in.

Last year I got lots of support from people of the forum after having a ectopic pregnancy rupture and ending up in HDU.

"

So an understanding of the person and some level of rapport is helpful to you? That makes sense

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I will reach out. I have reached out and I will reach out again but ........ it's not consistent. Plus I do feel that there is often judgements attached...

Like nope they are a mean fucker

Nope they are fat cos they shovel it in faster than they can shit it out

Nope cos they keep doing the same thing over n over n over

Nope cos they are limpet like and don't let go .....

I'd like to say that I help anyone regardless but self preservation kicks in with me ....

I will help ANYONE in the street...... moving buggies, catching dogs, looking for lost pets , lost money , directions etc etc etc .....

Sadly if I'm aware that someone has severe mental health problems then again I consider if I am capable of getting involved in a sustained manner and often just direct them the right way for help.....

etc.

Hope I got that in before the deluded saintly brigade rock up with their usual impressions of Mother Theresa in blinkers and on helium.

"

So you tend to triage people?

No judgement here, I’m just interested in the different reactions and reasoning of people

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"I used to regularly help people, but it drained me, and usually for little thanks. Then I see the same behaviours and issues repeated by the person.

I give my time and help far less nowadays. I just do me. "

Lesson well learned. There's a type that don't even notice you are being sapped of life .......

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"I will reach out. I have reached out and I will reach out again but ........ it's not consistent. Plus I do feel that there is often judgements attached...

Like nope they are a mean fucker

Nope they are fat cos they shovel it in faster than they can shit it out

Nope cos they keep doing the same thing over n over n over

Nope cos they are limpet like and don't let go .....

I'd like to say that I help anyone regardless but self preservation kicks in with me ....

I will help ANYONE in the street...... moving buggies, catching dogs, looking for lost pets , lost money , directions etc etc etc .....

Sadly if I'm aware that someone has severe mental health problems then again I consider if I am capable of getting involved in a sustained manner and often just direct them the right way for help.....

etc.

Hope I got that in before the deluded saintly brigade rock up with their usual impressions of Mother Theresa in blinkers and on helium.

So you tend to triage people?

No judgement here, I’m just interested in the different reactions and reasoning of people "

expand on what you mean by triage and I'll answer as best I can on your definition

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Do you mean this = the sorting of and allocation of treatment to patients and especially battle and disaster victims according to a system of priorities designed to maximize the number of survivors. 2 : the sorting of patients (as in an emergency room) according to the urgency of their need for care.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Do you mean this = the sorting of and allocation of treatment to patients and especially battle and disaster victims according to a system of priorities designed to maximize the number of survivors. 2 : the sorting of patients (as in an emergency room) according to the urgency of their need for care."

The second one of sorts. Place your time and energy where it will be best served

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I know my limitations and some stuff just triggers me so I’m very careful. Friends I’ll do anything for, that’s about as much as I can emotionally handle.

If someone in real life looked or sounded in distress I’d see if I could help… Strangers on the internet, no I won’t go there.

Self preservation first

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The harsh truth I think is that a certain amount of needy threads are just attention seeking, like the one Nora mentioned which I remember well.

I'll contact people I know or have chatted to if it seems like they're having a bad time but with strangers I am a little wary.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I will reach out. I have reached out and I will reach out again but ........ it's not consistent. Plus I do feel that there is often judgements attached...

Like nope they are a mean fucker

Nope they are fat cos they shovel it in faster than they can shit it out

Nope cos they keep doing the same thing over n over n over

Nope cos they are limpet like and don't let go .....

I'd like to say that I help anyone regardless but self preservation kicks in with me ....

I will help ANYONE in the street...... moving buggies, catching dogs, looking for lost pets , lost money , directions etc etc etc .....

Sadly if I'm aware that someone has severe mental health problems then again I consider if I am capable of getting involved in a sustained manner and often just direct them the right way for help.....

etc.

Hope I got that in before the deluded saintly brigade rock up with their usual impressions of Mother Theresa in blinkers and on helium.

"

Yep. I turned my car round last week after seeing a clearly confused elderly woman wandering along a country lane with no footpath. I knew I'd be able to help her by calling the police. A month or so ago I saw an elderly man fall over in the street. Immediately other people phoned an ambulance and began to administer first aid so I walked past. There was nothing useful I could do.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve done it twice and both times it was turned. I was up most of the night not long ago trying to help someone. I probably won’t now. "

I don't anymore. I try to look after closest ones when I'm strong enough to be a pillar for others. You can't fix things for everyone (if anyone ?) and you need to put yourself first sometimes. Most of the time really. Like you said about oxygen mask the other day.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The harsh truth I think is that a certain amount of needy threads are just attention seeking, like the one Nora mentioned which I remember well.

I'll contact people I know or have chatted to if it seems like they're having a bad time but with strangers I am a little wary."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"I will reach out. I have reached out and I will reach out again but ........ it's not consistent. Plus I do feel that there is often judgements attached...

Like nope they are a mean fucker

Nope they are fat cos they shovel it in faster than they can shit it out

Nope cos they keep doing the same thing over n over n over

Nope cos they are limpet like and don't let go .....

I'd like to say that I help anyone regardless but self preservation kicks in with me ....

I will help ANYONE in the street...... moving buggies, catching dogs, looking for lost pets , lost money , directions etc etc etc .....

Sadly if I'm aware that someone has severe mental health problems then again I consider if I am capable of getting involved in a sustained manner and often just direct them the right way for help.....

etc.

Hope I got that in before the deluded saintly brigade rock up with their usual impressions of Mother Theresa in blinkers and on helium.

"

You wouldn't help me cos I'm fat? (I eat slow by the way.)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I don't get into other people's problems online, as I don't have the energy for it.

I have enough trouble sorting my own family out.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My good friends on here know that I will always help when I can

What about people who aren’t friends but are in need? "

It’s kinda what I do for a job and I’m not sure I want to bring it to fab. I have reached out in the past and it’s either turned nasty out they have been attention seekers.

My inbox is always open with no fillers if anyone needed to talk but I know the point when someone needs professionally helped

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Yes I have done in the past, if ive seen a thread that resonates with me,just to let that person know I'm there if they need a chat etc.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"I will reach out. I have reached out and I will reach out again but ........ it's not consistent. Plus I do feel that there is often judgements attached...

Like nope they are a mean fucker

Nope they are fat cos they shovel it in faster than they can shit it out

Nope cos they keep doing the same thing over n over n over

Nope cos they are limpet like and don't let go .....

I'd like to say that I help anyone regardless but self preservation kicks in with me ....

I will help ANYONE in the street...... moving buggies, catching dogs, looking for lost pets , lost money , directions etc etc etc .....

Sadly if I'm aware that someone has severe mental health problems then again I consider if I am capable of getting involved in a sustained manner and often just direct them the right way for help.....

etc.

Hope I got that in before the deluded saintly brigade rock up with their usual impressions of Mother Theresa in blinkers and on helium.

You wouldn't help me cos I'm fat? (I eat slow by the way.)"

I'd help you like a shot. You just have to want it too.

Too many people think that if they ask for help the other person can fix things...... they can't

P.S. I know it was tongue in cheek what you said but I don't want anyone thinking i'm fattist...... not with these hips.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Do you mean this = the sorting of and allocation of treatment to patients and especially battle and disaster victims according to a system of priorities designed to maximize the number of survivors. 2 : the sorting of patients (as in an emergency room) according to the urgency of their need for care.

The second one of sorts. Place your time and energy where it will be best served"

Nope. I don't think we can say I 'triage' ..... cos sometimes I Grannyage or Fuckthatage... and some are cast by the wayside.. arge.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"Do you mean this = the sorting of and allocation of treatment to patients and especially battle and disaster victims according to a system of priorities designed to maximize the number of survivors. 2 : the sorting of patients (as in an emergency room) according to the urgency of their need for care.

The second one of sorts. Place your time and energy where it will be best served

Nope. I don't think we can say I 'triage' ..... cos sometimes I Grannyage or Fuckthatage... and some are cast by the wayside.. arge."

Also known as Senior Moments I believe

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In real life I have done and will continue to help anyone in need. It's a little more complicated on sites like this as it's hard to see what's geniune and what's not. A few times I have reached out to someone 'struggling' only for it to change to dirty talk after a few messages. It's sad people use mental health to get one up on people, I'm sceptical now to say the least.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago

cognito

I usually private message or text if I know their number and offer a space for them to sit in with me and have a hug and cuppa until it passes (physically or virtually depending on locations as my arms aren’t long enough to reach Australia) on here it’s harder to pm if someone is set to not accepting messages from my sex or age so I try and leave a little reply on their thread.

I’m always happy to listen to people if they need an ear during hard times. No expectations or judgment here on if the feels are getting to you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve done it twice and both times it was turned. I was up most of the night not long ago trying to help someone. I probably won’t now.

Turned how?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand your meaning

Turned as in he was suicidal. Chatted to him most of the night, him numbers to call etc. Looked up stuff on the internet. I was genuinely worried. Then after a few hours he said sexy pics can I add you as a friend. Fuming isn’t the word!"

I’ve reached out a few times to people on the forum who have said they were struggling.

Nearly every man turned it into something sexual, it made me really uncomfortable because it’s harder to say no to someone who is struggling.

I’ve stopped doing it now, which is a shame.

Women appreciate the support though.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"I’ve done it twice and both times it was turned. I was up most of the night not long ago trying to help someone. I probably won’t now.

Turned how?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand your meaning

Turned as in he was suicidal. Chatted to him most of the night, him numbers to call etc. Looked up stuff on the internet. I was genuinely worried. Then after a few hours he said sexy pics can I add you as a friend. Fuming isn’t the word!

I’ve reached out a few times to people on the forum who have said they were struggling.

Nearly every man turned it into something sexual, it made me really uncomfortable because it’s harder to say no to someone who is struggling.

I’ve stopped doing it now, which is a shame.

Women appreciate the support though. "

Me too. I rarely get involved but for some reason I knew I wouldn’t sleep if I just logged off. I’ll always be there for friends but I won’t be doing that again on here x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

I would and I have. If I see it or sense it I always try & check in, particularly if I see someone isn’t being themselves.

Sometimes it’s appreciated and sometimes it isn’t. As I don’t have an ulterior notice for starting the contact I’m not put off it it’s not appreciated as I just conclude that they are ok and don’t need the support/intervention at that particular moment in time.

We are a good bunch and it’s great to see that so many would and do reach out and offer support

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have done but never really think about if they genuinely need help. Maybe they don't realise they need it.

Maybe they will think I'm a dick for asking if they are ok. Anger/ annoyance is an emotion different to sadness so I reckon it's still likely a weird improvement.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve done it twice and both times it was turned. I was up most of the night not long ago trying to help someone. I probably won’t now.

Turned how?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand your meaning

Turned as in he was suicidal. Chatted to him most of the night, him numbers to call etc. Looked up stuff on the internet. I was genuinely worried. Then after a few hours he said sexy pics can I add you as a friend. Fuming isn’t the word!

I’ve reached out a few times to people on the forum who have said they were struggling.

Nearly every man turned it into something sexual, it made me really uncomfortable because it’s harder to say no to someone who is struggling.

I’ve stopped doing it now, which is a shame.

Women appreciate the support though.

Me too. I rarely get involved but for some reason I knew I wouldn’t sleep if I just logged off. I’ll always be there for friends but I won’t be doing that again on here x"

Which is such a shame, because it means those who genuinely need it may not get it, because of the selfish actions of some.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have done and will do again. It does depend on if I think I can help and if I have the energy to help. Not to sound selfish but if I'm in a crappy place myself I'm not the best person to help someone else.

"

Doesn't sound selfish to me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *acDreamyMan
over a year ago

Wirral

I tried to help people last year. I would never try to get a meet from it though. I'm probably less likely to meet because I would not want them to feel like I'm owed something.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve done it twice and both times it was turned. I was up most of the night not long ago trying to help someone. I probably won’t now.

Turned how?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand your meaning

Turned as in he was suicidal. Chatted to him most of the night, him numbers to call etc. Looked up stuff on the internet. I was genuinely worried. Then after a few hours he said sexy pics can I add you as a friend. Fuming isn’t the word!"

This has happened to me before, and that same night I spoke to someone who had just the same experience with the same person. Definitely taught me to take some things with a pinch of salt on here.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I dont online to be honest. I do in RL as I know the people I'm reaching out too and in turn they know me. It's far too easy for people to pretend online than face to face x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach


"I’ve done it twice and both times it was turned. I was up most of the night not long ago trying to help someone. I probably won’t now.

Turned how?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand your meaning

Turned as in he was suicidal. Chatted to him most of the night, him numbers to call etc. Looked up stuff on the internet. I was genuinely worried. Then after a few hours he said sexy pics can I add you as a friend. Fuming isn’t the word!

So you think that it was either a ploy or playing you for attention?

If you were as bad as he said he was where he was literally going to take his life you don’t say that and start turning it sexual! So yes. I do and I felt a mug and was extremely pissed off. "

Unfortunately it is a judgement call but shouldn't beat yourself up over it. Have been there before but still believe it is better to respond unless i know it is fuckwhit windup, which sadly is most of the time as guys will stoop and some women ever lower to try and get somewhere.

But i would beat myself up more if i did nothing and they say did take their life, or didn't help if i could have. It is difficult being taken for a mug, thats what exploiters do.

I have been taken for a mug so many times ut it wouldn't stop me from helping but just a bit wiser

Seen people claiming they have alsorts over the years, dying, cancer only to be perfectly healthy. Lets be honest you only needed to go into chat and the forums see how many are exploiting covid.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On the flip side, I've also had men message me off the back of forum posts/statuses where they've wanted to give me their opinion, support or advice in private. At first I appreciate it but most of the time it just turns sexual.

Love getting those types of messages off women though, as they rarely (if ever) have an ulterior motive.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine is purely just lost all confidence in everything unfortunately it is what it is meds changed so give them a few weeks to work

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think I would. I'm nowhere near qualified enough to give people life advice so I wouldn't be able to tell them what they need to hear.

If they just want an ear to listen to their problems without expecting a solution, then I don't mind being that ear.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

In the "real world", I'll help anyone. Any way I can. And sometimes to my own detriment in many ways.

On fab, it has become more complicated. Part of that is because I've had situations like Nora described, and too often.

I won't reach out publicly as a rule, unless filters mean I can't do it privately, but if I see someone struggling my immediate desire is to let them know they aren't alone. However, gauging the need has become more of a priority.

A "regular member of the tribe", which is how someone described it to me the other day, I still wouldn't hesitate. I've been on the receiving end of the kindness of this amazing and diverse tribe of people so many times and from unexpected directions. And I believe in paying it forward.

I have no idea if that even really answered the questions, but you know I like to babble.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think I would. I'm nowhere near qualified enough to give people life advice so I wouldn't be able to tell them what they need to hear.

If they just want an ear to listen to their problems without expecting a solution, then I don't mind being that ear."

This is a very good point. If someone is struggling badly then what help can an online stranger give except sympathy ? Someone in that situation needs professional help and support from those close to them, asap. The fact they look for that help here does raise my scepticism, I'm sorry to say.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

Yep. If I can offer help, support or even just an ear to someone in need I will.

I've been through plenty of shit without having anyone there. I know how much of a difference it can make.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think I would. I'm nowhere near qualified enough to give people life advice so I wouldn't be able to tell them what they need to hear.

If they just want an ear to listen to their problems without expecting a solution, then I don't mind being that ear.

This is a very good point. If someone is struggling badly then what help can an online stranger give except sympathy ? Someone in that situation needs professional help and support from those close to them, asap. The fact they look for that help here does raise my scepticism, I'm sorry to say."

Does that apply to both men and women?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think I would. I'm nowhere near qualified enough to give people life advice so I wouldn't be able to tell them what they need to hear.

If they just want an ear to listen to their problems without expecting a solution, then I don't mind being that ear.

This is a very good point. If someone is struggling badly then what help can an online stranger give except sympathy ? Someone in that situation needs professional help and support from those close to them, asap. The fact they look for that help here does raise my scepticism, I'm sorry to say."

Exactly, I don't mind people coming on here said g they're in a bad place as a cry for help means we should help them. Iny opinion though, the extent of that help should pretty much be "I'm sorry to hear that, there are people who care. Please reach out to your friends and family or call someone who can help you the right way". As strangers on the internet, we can't pretend that we can provide more than that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think I would. I'm nowhere near qualified enough to give people life advice so I wouldn't be able to tell them what they need to hear.

If they just want an ear to listen to their problems without expecting a solution, then I don't mind being that ear.

This is a very good point. If someone is struggling badly then what help can an online stranger give except sympathy ? Someone in that situation needs professional help and support from those close to them, asap. The fact they look for that help here does raise my scepticism, I'm sorry to say.

Does that apply to both men and women?"

Of course it does. Why wouldn't it?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think I would. I'm nowhere near qualified enough to give people life advice so I wouldn't be able to tell them what they need to hear.

If they just want an ear to listen to their problems without expecting a solution, then I don't mind being that ear.

This is a very good point. If someone is struggling badly then what help can an online stranger give except sympathy ? Someone in that situation needs professional help and support from those close to them, asap. The fact they look for that help here does raise my scepticism, I'm sorry to say.

Does that apply to both men and women?"

I am more sceptical about men's needy posts, yes, partly from experience and partly because competing for attention is more of an issue for men on Fab. But certainly not only a male phenomena.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think I would. I'm nowhere near qualified enough to give people life advice so I wouldn't be able to tell them what they need to hear.

If they just want an ear to listen to their problems without expecting a solution, then I don't mind being that ear.

This is a very good point. If someone is struggling badly then what help can an online stranger give except sympathy ? Someone in that situation needs professional help and support from those close to them, asap. The fact they look for that help here does raise my scepticism, I'm sorry to say.

Does that apply to both men and women?

Of course it does. Why wouldn't it?"

I was asking the guy who actually said it

Simple curiosity

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *jorkishMan
over a year ago

Seaforth

Willing to help. To be honest if I was struggling an online site like this would be the last place I'd reach out for help

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ordo320Man
over a year ago

Gatwick

I’ve chatted with someone very openly by pm as we were both going through similar struggles at the time. I appreciated it hugely and I think she did too. We were able to talk about our feelings completely openly knowing that we wouldn’t be judged and that we’d probably never meet each other. It helped me hugely and she said it helped her too. When things reached their natural conclusions we chatted for a while then parted ways. It was such a help that came from nowhere. Some good people do exist out there and it’s not always about swinging. Sometimes it’s just as a friendly understanding ear.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

I like to think I’m a decent person who’ll help anybody - particularly in the real world.

On here I’ll help too but I’m a little more guarded depending on the person. If it’s is someone I know is genuine I’ll do everything I can for them.

However I’ve seen so many blatantly attention seeking threads on here that unfortunately it’s made me more jaded than I used to be.

So many people who post naked pictures almost literally daily claim to be practically body dysmorphic - I can’t help feeling they’re just desperate for constant praise and attention - and by claiming to be insecure they get it!

Sorry if that sounds harsh.

I’ve also noticed people who constantly hijack any and all threads to mention that an ex, family member etc treated them badly - or talk about a bad experience on many, many occasions - again to get attention and sympathy.

Sorry if I sound harsh - but I think if people made positive steps to get on with their lives rather than constantly going over old situations/events to engender sympathy then they’d fare far better.

I think my experience on here has made me a little more cynical than I was 7 years ago - but I still like to help if I can. X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have reached out to strangers before on twitter when they posted worrying tweets, some appreciated it, others tried to abuse it. Had a couple reach out when it was me posting such things

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *urvyBi-84Man
over a year ago

Lancs

If I have a connection with someone I will reach out and offer an ear if they want to talk.

If someone is on the forum and having a bad time I will send them a virtual hug. Not getting involved, but if it provides even a tiny bit of comfort then it’s a win.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

I have had it happen to me and have also reached out to a few

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

On here, I tend to let everyone else help first, if I notice someone asking for help and not getting it then I'll add my two penneth worth, but generally I stick to my own affairs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nfin8yWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

I always have and always will be there for friends and family and people who I have got to know quite well. otherwise whilst I empathise with anyone who is in need I tend not to get too involved these days other than providing information and signposting to other services etc.

I worked as a mental health nurse for many years at the same time as supporting my ex partner who became increasingly actively suicidal over a long period of time. I was left feeling completely drained physically, emotionally and mentally. I never got any support for myself at the time and I’m only just starting to feel like I have a life of my own now. So choosing when and how I offer support to others, for me, is a matter of self preservation.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Mine is purely just lost all confidence in everything unfortunately it is what it is meds changed so give them a few weeks to work "

Hope they kick in soon. X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I always have and always will be there for friends and family and people who I have got to know quite well. otherwise whilst I empathise with anyone who is in need I tend not to get too involved these days other than providing information and signposting to other services etc.

I worked as a mental health nurse for many years at the same time as supporting my ex partner who became increasingly actively suicidal over a long period of time. I was left feeling completely drained physically, emotionally and mentally. I never got any support for myself at the time and I’m only just starting to feel like I have a life of my own now. So choosing when and how I offer support to others, for me, is a matter of self preservation. "

This is so true. My mother was never suicidal but all through my life I've supported her with her mental health issues or as a child suffered the consequences of them and also supported my father with his issues resulting from her problems. Nobody ever supports the back room boys. I now choose very carefully who I offer help to

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ea monkey OP   Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I apologise for leaving the thread and not responding, for those that posted, thank you.

I guess it makes me feel sad that people have had their trust and compassion abused in the past by people and feel that they’ve been taken advantage of. Especially as it often means that people who genuinely are in need of help, go without it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *vmarisaTV/TS
over a year ago

Motherwell

Interesting topic, my own experience is twofold and perhaps shows the dilemma of being a good Samaritan at its clearest . One night I was driving to a fab meet in North Berwick a young guy stumbled off the pavement and in front of my car, he was blotto , thinking he must have hit his head on the road I got out fully dressed, he was d*unk as a skunk ,but there was no one around, I asked him if he stayed local and he told me his flat was just up the road on the left,cut a long story short I took him to his home, helped him into his lounge and left and drove off. 5 minutes later a d*unk woman was tottering down the same road further on, again deserted , I thought about doing the same thing, but then thought I could put myself in a compromising position so instead I kept driving to my meeting, but worried that I should have helped her. A comment about modern life I guess. Mx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iBBWLondonWoman
over a year ago

London


"Yep. If I can offer help, support or even just an ear to someone in need I will.

I've been through plenty of shit without having anyone there. I know how much of a difference it can make. "

Yes, this ^

An open, non-judgemental ear for someone who’s struggling isn’t much to give, but can mean the world to the one that needs it. I’d much rather make the offer and be made a mug of, than scroll by and not help ‘just in case’, as it can be difficult actually taking that step of asking for help. There are a lot of people in overwhelm still. Me included, on occasion.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I’ve messaged a few folk privately after reading a post where they have seemed upset, I’m pretty rubbish really though and not very helpful in the grand scheme of things (with saying the right thing) but I’m aware that sometimes people just like to be seen but also retain their privacy.

I’m not the most sociable person on Fab but I’m a good listener.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top