FabSwingers.com forum: Negativity

By *ools and the brain OP Couple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Cards on the table from the start.

I'm a negative person,I don't like to be this way I'm working to Change my mindset I'm trying to be more positive with my outlook and how I see others.

But fuck people don't make it very easy.

I've been dealt some shit during my 50plus year's also had some good times.

But I know my negativity has clouded people's opinions of me and as a result I have pretty much no friends and this hurts.

I try not to the way I am and wish I wasn't such a grump.

I suffer badly with anxiety and depression.

So my question is knowing this information would it put you off meeting me or someone else who is the same?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would not put me off meeting no. I have had shit stuff happen ect ..so my understanding of others anxietys/experience is pretty good...

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It would depend. Cards on the table from me also. Would it be difficult to converse with you? Would we be able to chat without you saying things like "oh it would probably go wrong if I tried that" and similar? Would you be morose?

I ask these questions because you sound similar to how my father can be at times.

I know that you wouldn't meet us anyway but I'm assuming this is sort of hypothetical.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I don’t meet couples anyway but if I’m totally honest if someone came across as really negative then no I wouldn’t meet them x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I’m totally honest, I wouldn’t.

I had a husband who was very negative, and I dealt with him for years, it was so much to take on.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

Honestly? Yes it would put me off. Not because of how someone is (you do you and all that), but because I know that I don't deal very well with negative people, and I wouldn't deliberately put either of us in that situation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. I don't meet negative people that I perceive as being hard work as I'm here purely for fun. In real life I might persevere but they would have to be someone I really like despite the negativity as I find it really draining. And I exert enough of my energy just being around people sometimes.

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By *uietly_KinkyMan
over a year ago

High Wycombe

My negativity has certainly put people off me.

Or maybe it's just my looks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's negativity and then there's truth.

I can handle truth even if there's a negative in it.

I'm not one for la-la land.

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By *entlemenpipMan
over a year ago

not far

I know the feeling op I have my own mental health issues and have dealt with some shit that has and still is impacting my meeting people but I try and leave all the shit from other at home in a box ( it has a habit of showing up anyway)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry but no I wouldn't meet someone who's negative. I've had to deal with a lot of negativity from my mother over the years and it's just worse and because she's tried to control and manipulate me through it, we are not that close anymore and she's one of the reasons I was diagnosed with depression. I made a mental note to myself for my own sake to walk away and stay away from negative people now. When all is said and done, they always try to drag you down to their level x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In real life, with a friend, no it wouldn't put be off and I'd want to help them get through it. But on here? Sadly yes it would because I'm on here for fun and so I generally seek out fun and positive people.

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

In truth I cut negative people out my life where I can.

I love a positive outlook and feed off it.

Really hope you get that change of mindset you want mate. Rooting for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cards on the table from the start.

I'm a negative person,I don't like to be this way I'm working to Change my mindset I'm trying to be more positive with my outlook and how I see others.

But fuck people don't make it very easy.

I've been dealt some shit during my 50plus year's also had some good times.

But I know my negativity has clouded people's opinions of me and as a result I have pretty much no friends and this hurts.

I try not to the way I am and wish I wasn't such a grump.

I suffer badly with anxiety and depression.

So my question is knowing this information would it put you off meeting me or someone else who is the same?"
Question:

What do you generally expect from others?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it would put me off. But from what I've seen of you on the forums, you're quite funny and don't come across as a negative person. I think we are all a bit negative sometimes.

I can't stand it when people are nothing but pessimistic and everything is negative. I find it really draining to be around people like that so I probably wouldn't meet with someone if that's the kind of vibe I got from them.

I feel similar about people who are always on top of the world and happy. Hahaha, you can't please me. I need a good balance.

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By *onglegs888Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Being brutally honest yes… we don’t do this to be around negative, grumpy people. No time for mood hoovers, life’s too short!

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

No, especially not if they were this straight forward about it.

May I recommend to you the podcast 'The Power of Negative Thinking' on BBC Sounds?

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

It depends on how I see you. If yes you find the negative in everything then the chances are I wouldn't meet you. I don't mind people having bad days we all do, but someone who can't find joy in anything then nope I would pass.

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Think your beyond help but certainly would look to cheer your wife up....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In what way are you negative?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would put me off to be honest. My personality can reflect those I am with so being around someone who is negative about everything just mentally puts a strain on me.

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Being honest it would probably put us off. When meeting we want to chat, have a laugh and generally have a good time. If it is going to be hard to talk to you or you are going to be pessimistic about everything then we would bow out very quickly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cards on the table from the start.

I'm a negative person,I don't like to be this way I'm working to Change my mindset I'm trying to be more positive with my outlook and how I see others.

But fuck people don't make it very easy.

I've been dealt some shit during my 50plus year's also had some good times.

But I know my negativity has clouded people's opinions of me and as a result I have pretty much no friends and this hurts.

I try not to the way I am and wish I wasn't such a grump.

I suffer badly with anxiety and depression.

So my question is knowing this information would it put you off meeting me or someone else who is the same?"

From reading your forum posts I'd meet you.

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By *ools and the brain OP Couple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"Cards on the table from the start.

I'm a negative person,I don't like to be this way I'm working to Change my mindset I'm trying to be more positive with my outlook and how I see others.

But fuck people don't make it very easy.

I've been dealt some shit during my 50plus year's also had some good times.

But I know my negativity has clouded people's opinions of me and as a result I have pretty much no friends and this hurts.

I try not to the way I am and wish I wasn't such a grump.

I suffer badly with anxiety and depression.

So my question is knowing this information would it put you off meeting me or someone else who is the same?

From reading your forum posts I'd meet you.

"
well I didn't start this thread to try and meet people but when in Rome.

Hey how you doin ?

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By *ools and the brain OP Couple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

"In what way are you negative? "

I always tend to look at everything as bad.

However in my humble opinion,I'm funny as fuck as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In what way are you negative?

I always tend to look at everything as bad.

However in my humble opinion,I'm funny as fuck as well.

Funny is good. Not everything deserves a positive spin on it

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

"Being honest it would probably put us off. When meeting we want to chat, have a laugh and generally have a good time. If it is going to be hard to talk to you or you are going to be pessimistic about everything then we would bow out very quickly."

This for us too. Swinging is a little extra fun to us so that's what it has to be, fun. If we met someone who was negative about life, and talked everything down, then we would struggle. We enjoy life hearted fun banter and lots of laughter.

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By *egvisir71Man
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"Being brutally honest yes… we don’t do this to be around negative, grumpy people. No time for mood hoovers, life’s too short!"

Mood hoovers made me chuckle

nice pics btw

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm often perceived as negative but I see it more as being open, honest and saying it like it is. Ironically the people that claim I'm negative only focus on that and overlook the 99 positive things I've said or done to highlight the negative. I have no problem meeting people of all walks of life. I've dated men with depression personality disorders, severe epilepsy and on the Autistic spectrum and found them more interesting and fun then some of the "shiny happy people"

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By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside

"Cards on the table from the start.

I'm a negative person,I don't like to be this way I'm working to Change my mindset I'm trying to be more positive with my outlook and how I see others.

But fuck people don't make it very easy.

I've been dealt some shit during my 50plus year's also had some good times.

But I know my negativity has clouded people's opinions of me and as a result I have pretty much no friends and this hurts.

I try not to the way I am and wish I wasn't such a grump.

I suffer badly with anxiety and depression.

So my question is knowing this information would it put you off meeting me or someone else who is the same?"

Are you a couple.

Are you grumpy and she happy or both grumps.

Would we meet a couple that maybe hard work hoping for a sexy evening.

No chance, sorry.

Looking for swinging friends not non swinging.

Don't know how you would word your first message.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, it wouldn't put me off from the way you've worded your post because you said you are trying to change and what better way to help than than to be around people that can help you see the good in things.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I've been around too many negative people in my time and tend to avoid them as best I can now.

In saying that though I avoid as many purple people pleasers too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Iv spent years working on myself and I do tend to lean towards negative thoughts however iv never had anyone say this is an issue for them or people cut me off because of it. We can all be negative at times but if it's constant I don't and won't people like that in my life.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Negativity is of putting

And I'm not about to change you

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By *isspurplechesterWoman
over a year ago

Chester

For me personally, I’m not good with negative people! I find myself getting dragged into it, and it really does impact my mood in a negative way, which then impacts my mental wellbeing! I shadow the energy around me, so if someone’s grumpy I feel grumpy, if someone’s happy then I’m happy etc. Sorry to hear you’ve lost friends over it, that’s a bit rubbish!

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"Cards on the table from the start.

I'm a negative person,I don't like to be this way I'm working to Change my mindset I'm trying to be more positive with my outlook and how I see others.

But fuck people don't make it very easy.

I've been dealt some shit during my 50plus year's also had some good times.

But I know my negativity has clouded people's opinions of me and as a result I have pretty much no friends and this hurts.

I try not to the way I am and wish I wasn't such a grump.

I suffer badly with anxiety and depression.

So my question is knowing this information would it put you off meeting me or someone else who is the same?"

Well we've shared a few forum threads and I'd certainly enjoy a beer with you... You disguise those challenges well on these threads and I'd imagine many people have some issues but aren't as brutally honest as you've been. I'm sure people can have horny encounters without knowing everyone's deeply personal emotional settings. Working on it is brilliant though. Best of luck with it.

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

People meet who they want to meet. Some you'll attract, others will bite your head off for looking at them wrong. There's plenty of different people in this world, realistically you're only chatting with them for 15 minutes then shagging for the rest... If you get along, you get along, if not it's a drive home?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I hear you and sympathize OP. For me it would depend on how the negativity would present itself. If that would be turned towards me if we'd met, I wouldn't have the ability to deal with that myself.

Having a winge and a bad day though would not put me off.

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

I am not a negative person but always be told especially in the forums which kinda amuses me, it just proves how people judge you without knowing anything about you.

I have good days and bad like everyone but generally I am very positive, in my life and I have every reason to be so, my only negativity is how others try to define me when it suits.

But if i can help one person in the forums - tben its worth all the shite

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

No it wouldn't put me off a cuppa social, you would be more likely to not to want to meet me as I have a over positive attitude and that can be off-putting to people with anxiety etc

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I've been thinking about this OP. No I don't think it would but it's situational. It depends really - if it resulted in taking it out on me, mind games etc... I'd probably give a wide berth. If it's something you're aware of, well, we all have our demons but some are more apparent than others. I'd meet for a social definitely. I think we're more than our issues.

For what it's worth in the years I've read you on the forum you don't come across as negative 100% of the time. Self deprecating, yes. Bit of a grumpy sod at times definitely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cards on the table from the start.

I'm a negative person,I don't like to be this way I'm working to Change my mindset I'm trying to be more positive with my outlook and how I see others.

But fuck people don't make it very easy.

I've been dealt some shit during my 50plus year's also had some good times.

But I know my negativity has clouded people's opinions of me and as a result I have pretty much no friends and this hurts.

I try not to the way I am and wish I wasn't such a grump.

I suffer badly with anxiety and depression.

So my question is knowing this information would it put you off meeting me or someone else who is the same?"

I like you

Always have

You're normal and come across very human as opposed to being a whipped up version of you to attract more attention

So, yes, I'd meet you

Anxiety smanxiety

We can play anxiety Top Trumps over a beer

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By *ools and the brain OP Couple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Cheers everyone thanks for your replies and honesty.

I appreciate it.

Lol yes I am a tad grumpy at times and very self deprecating but I do always try to tell the truth and be myself.

Much love and best wishes to all xx

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

If I was attracted to you, then it wouldn’t put me off meeting you however … if we met and you gave a really negative, mood hoover vibe I’d probably leave it there.

I’m happy to be social able with anyone, but if you see it as an opportunity to turn it into a negative then my low tolerance button would instantly be pushed.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"If I’m totally honest, I wouldn’t.

I had a husband who was very negative, and I dealt with him for years, it was so much to take on."

It drains your energy doesn’t it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I’m totally honest, I wouldn’t.

I had a husband who was very negative, and I dealt with him for years, it was so much to take on.

It drains your energy doesn’t it "

Absolutely, it drained me until I started to feel like I was drowning, when I started to go under, that’s when I knew I had to leave.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps you are not as negative as you think you are?

Ive seen lots of your posts and its never struck me that you're negative. A lot of your posts are funny, some are insightful and in others you have the balls or tits (its a couples) profile and I dont know which one of you is posting) to take a stance rather than agree with everyone. I havnt seen you be nasty or cruel either.

I think you have more going for you than you realise.

Id happily meet you for coffee, beer, glass of wine and a chat.

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By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside

"Cards on the table from the start.

I'm a negative person,I don't like to be this way I'm working to Change my mindset I'm trying to be more positive with my outlook and how I see others.

But fuck people don't make it very easy.

I've been dealt some shit during my 50plus year's also had some good times.

But I know my negativity has clouded people's opinions of me and as a result I have pretty much no friends and this hurts.

I try not to the way I am and wish I wasn't such a grump.

I suffer badly with anxiety and depression.

So my question is knowing this information would it put you off meeting me or someone else who is the same?"

Just looked at your verifications and nothing points to any form of negativity in all your real meets.

From your post,would give you a wide berth.

From your verifications would love to meet such a fun couple.

Which is real or a bit of both.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I spend my working day with negative people. I keep away from them in my free time.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Not initially no. I’d meet you to make my own mind up about you as often folk have skewed opinions about themselves.

However, if you were very anxious, very down I’d probably have to leave it there as I have suffered from depression and I’m a very anxious person and have to manage my surroundings so as not to go into a downward spiral.

That said, I’ve always enjoyed your posts on here OP and think of you as being very dry humoured so I think we’d be alright for a coffee at least

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think overtime it can be draining always being the happy shiny one when other person does not make an effort to do the same for you. Sometimes it's worth trying on a different attitude even if it comes forced initially ? Saying that I don't know you at all and these are just general ramblings of mine. Feel free to ignore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

negativity and positivity can be habitual, you mention anxiety and depression so I know its not as easy as just saying well don't be like that, but try small changes to your out look, like if you make a sandwich that wasn't all that you expected maybe say well I'm no longer hungry rather than that was shit, go with more a flow in life than analysis of things, start small, aim high. you will get there!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you giving yourself a misnomer here, OP?

Could it be that you’re more of a pessimist than wholly negative? I draw a distinction there that a pessimist might be negative about things to come but ‘in the moment’, i.e. normal conversation, they may be absolutely fine.

If someone were truly negative, I’d imagine even just that wouldn’t be a pleasant experience and you don’t come across that way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am annoyingly positive , and gosh no it would not put me off meeting some one who wasnt

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By *uckandbunnyCouple
over a year ago

Gran Canaria

"Cards on the table from the start.

I'm a negative person,I don't like to be this way I'm working to Change my mindset I'm trying to be more positive with my outlook and how I see others.

But fuck people don't make it very easy.

I've been dealt some shit during my 50plus year's also had some good times.

But I know my negativity has clouded people's opinions of me and as a result I have pretty much no friends and this hurts.

I try not to the way I am and wish I wasn't such a grump.

I suffer badly with anxiety and depression.

So my question is knowing this information would it put you off meeting me or someone else who is the same?"

I don't know if you can change being negative.

I am negative but I am quite happy and relaxed.

I expect the negative therefore every positive is a surprise and a bonus.

So I think it is less about your worldly outlook and more about how that effects your aura.

If you are negative but relaxed about it then few things worry you.

If you are negative but this concerns you then publicising that negativity can bring others down.

So try going with the world is crap but this is to be expected.

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