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abusive relationships

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By *istress_L-Captain OP   Couple
over a year ago

Southport

I've had my mate ring me in tears because her boyfriend had attacked her. Now I told her to get out and as soon as but she said she was safe.

Apparently he dislocated her shoulder last week in front of their two year old son. I've tried to get her to leave him but she won't. What can I do?

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By *ot - CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

You have already done your bit, the next step would be calling the Police.

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By *wencatWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

unfortunately u can do no more than u have my daughter was in one and she was only 16 she lived with this guy I couldn't stop her the police said she was of age to live there I used to sit outside there flat door listening to make sure she was ok got in trouble with police for been there told em only worried bout her they could do nothing even with her age she had to leave him she did eventually was 16 yrs ago now and she married now to a ok guy you can only be there to pick up the pieces for her she has to make the decision to leave him hun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've had my mate ring me in tears because her boyfriend had attacked her. Now I told her to get out and as soon as but she said she was safe.

Apparently he dislocated her shoulder last week in front of their two year old son. I've tried to get her to leave him but she won't. What can I do?"
very hard to get out my ex wife was violent for years i got as i got too the stage where i was going tosnap she has to be strong keep talkin to her until she listens x

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By *ub bbwWoman
over a year ago

oldbury

Be there for her and make her realise that she deserves better than abuse. You can only listen to her and support her make her feel strong and make sure her child is safe personally I would try to ensure that she's aware that the child should be her priority and seeing her partner acting like this will affect the child as they may see it as normal behaviour. Your other option next time she calls is call the police but then you risk loosing a friend and child services may get involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've had my mate ring me in tears because her boyfriend had attacked her. Now I told her to get out and as soon as but she said she was safe.

Apparently he dislocated her shoulder last week in front of their two year old son. I've tried to get her to leave him but she won't. What can I do?"

If she writes the word 'doorstep' on her own forehead she shouldn't be surprised if he wipes his feet on her from time to time. That sounds harsh but only she can stop him doing it by leaving his sorry ass, as her friend all you can do is pick up the pieces each time it happens until she does decide enough is enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You literally can't do anything more than be there. You can't make her leave if she won't.

If you're aware they are fighting at the time then call the police as the police can press charges without your friend xx

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Where would she go ?

Maybe where she is , is preferable to where she would have to go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you're aware they are fighting at the time then call the police as the police can press charges without your friend xx"

You'll lose her as a friend if you do that. Do you have any shared male friends who could 'have a word' with the guy?

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By *istress_L-Captain OP   Couple
over a year ago

Southport

Thanks everyone i've felt like crap the whole night as I can't do anything.

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By *istress_L-Captain OP   Couple
over a year ago

Southport


"If you're aware they are fighting at the time then call the police as the police can press charges without your friend xx

You'll lose her as a friend if you do that. Do you have any shared male friends who could 'have a word' with the guy?"

My other half is her mate and is willing to help.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

As the child was present when his mother was hurt ,Social Services should be informed immediately.

The child is in an unsafe environment.

Act on behalf of the child.

It might bring them to their senses if they were aware of possible consequences.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in an abusive relationship for 12 years i stuck around because of the kids i thought it was best i stayed with their dad as i was brought up that way, they never witnessed me being hurt or anything like that until he pulled a 12" carving knife out on us all and threatened to kill us then proceeded to carve his own legs up in front of me and the kids, needless to say i then called it a day, went to the police and took him to trial where he got away with it but the minute my babies got dragged into it i got out.

Its one of the hardest cycles in the world to break because of fear and the feelings o inadequacy they instill in you be it a man doing the abusing or a woman, all you can do is be there for your friend and try and instill some self worth into her so eventually she finds the strength she needs to get out, all abusers use some kind of threats to keep their victims where they are and that makes it even harder i wish you and your friend all the luck in the world i truly do and it may also be worth looking up womens refuge numbers and your local council domestic abuse officers numbers for her so she has them on hand if she needs them xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a tricky situation.

No kids should be witness to anything like that, no matter if its just arguing etc.

If it was my daughter that was being hurt then I would give the bastard a hiding somewhere away from their home, then tell him that he either left or he would get a hiding even if he looked at her in the wrong way.

But that wouldnt be right.

Do what you think is right for you ans your family.

Another thought is, are you sure of what has happened? Have you got all the facts right? Could you have misread the situation? Could you be a little over protective?

Make sure you have looked at all the possibilities before you act/react.

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By *istress_L-Captain OP   Couple
over a year ago

Southport

I was there for an argument once and separated them into different rooms. She told me about him pinning her against the wall once. I asked him he admitted to doing it. So I did threat to hurt him if he tried it again.

So I figure that its a good possibility that its true. I thinks that she has finally seen some light and is speaking out about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've had my mate ring me in tears because her boyfriend had attacked her. Now I told her to get out and as soon as but she said she was safe.

Apparently he dislocated her shoulder last week in front of their two year old son. I've tried to get her to leave him but she won't. What can I do?"

Be there for her. I would leave the moment a relationship was abusive now. But I have in the past stayed and it's not as easy as walking away. I think it's easy to say it is but I

Know first hand how hard it is to find the strength. Like others on here my turning point was when my kids were dragged into it.

The police now can act on reports without the say off the woman. ( know this as being in the relationship I'm in I have to be aware of things.)

There are also anonymous numbers you can ring. Google domestic violence help. It should give you more ideas.

Cali

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