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I've been banned

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO'S

Yesterday I was at my local Tesco's store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco's

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ha ha made me chuckle even though I've heard it before !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Old but always makes me smile

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

north of Peterborough

PLEASE NOTE THAT NO ANIMALS WERE HURT DURING THE MAKING THIS THREAD.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get where your coming from. This is totally irrelevant and pointless but my penis is the same size amd circumstance as a footlong sandwich

and I'm now also banned from all the subway stores in the UK

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By *asey666Man
over a year ago

Dublin 13

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I get where your coming from. This is totally irrelevant and pointless but my penis is the same size amd circumstance as a footlong sandwich

and I'm now also banned from all the subway stores in the UK

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know someone who was banned from Tesco’s, because he stuck his knob in a toilet roll…..

Fucking charmin

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

absolute classic.....

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By *chupforitMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

LMAO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know someone who was banned from Tesco’s, because he stuck his knob in a toilet roll…..

Fucking charmin "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got banned from Woolworths because I told them their pic n mix was overpriced and shit. They asked me where it's cheaper, and I told them I got mine from Dangerous Dave, he pops around on a moped every Tuesday.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

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By *0astMan
over a year ago

Following the Sunsets of the North

Brilliant LMao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just got kicked out the swimming baths as the S fell off my speedo logo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got kicked out of B&Q trying to buy a bottle of turps. They said it was because I was planning to drink it.

"Rubbish" I replied. "What makes you think I was going to do that?"

"Because you asked if we had any chilled ones" the assistant replied.

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