FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Confidence

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

When someone is confident, where do you think that confidence comes from?

It is something that can be faked or lack of confidence can be hidden from others.

I would say that true confidence comes from having inner strength and knowing who you are, what you want from life and knowing that you are going to achieve it no matter what.

Is it something other than inner strength?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it could be broken down a bit.

Bodily confidence, confidence in going to places, confidence in meeting other maybe?

I have confidence in some areas, and not so much in others?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most confidence comes from inner strength and self worth. Other peoples comments can boost certain confidences.

Lack of confidence comes more from the comments of nasty individuals.

I have confidence with certain aspects of my life but I also have a lack of confidence in other areas. I think they even out pretty well though as I'm not cocky or depressed with anything.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"I think it could be broken down a bit.

Bodily confidence, confidence in going to places, confidence in meeting other maybe?

I have confidence in some areas, and not so much in others?"

Yes this totally

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think it could be broken down a bit.

Bodily confidence, confidence in going to places, confidence in meeting other maybe?

I have confidence in some areas, and not so much in others?"

We will always be more confident in some areas more than other due to our own belief in our abilities.

I kept it generic on purpose as you can feel like your generally a confident person but still have those moments of self-doubt and that is healthy.

When you feel the most confident, where does that come from?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eatrice BadinageWoman
over a year ago

In a Sparkly Dress

People draw their confidence from different experiences, mine is a result of an abusive caregiver, once you stop believing the lies wonderful things can happen

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Confidence is about believing in your self worth, knowing your value, playing to your strengths and acknowledging your weaknesses but either down playing them or ignoring them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think it could be broken down a bit.

Bodily confidence, confidence in going to places, confidence in meeting other maybe?

I have confidence in some areas, and not so much in others?

We will always be more confident in some areas more than other due to our own belief in our abilities.

I kept it generic on purpose as you can feel like your generally a confident person but still have those moments of self-doubt and that is healthy.

When you feel the most confident, where does that come from?"

Good question, I’m going to do some pondering now

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I think of myself as quietly confident but not overly so.

A lifetime of low self esteem and virtually no confidence at all was gradually replaced over a period of years with a recognition that I wasn't invisible.

Once I grasped that the next step was how to deal with being seen.

I was almost 50 before I accepted my worth and that translated into having inner confidence that doesn't always project as such but the fact that I'm so far from where I used to be gives me confidence in itself.

I know what I'm capable of and I know my limitations but I'm still able to challenge myself.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Confidence can be faked, I can apparently come across as quite confident, and in my work life I have to show it even when I'm slightly out of my depth. But inside I can be a complete bag of nerves

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think of myself as quietly confident but not overly so.

A lifetime of low self esteem and virtually no confidence at all was gradually replaced over a period of years with a recognition that I wasn't invisible.

Once I grasped that the next step was how to deal with being seen.

I was almost 50 before I accepted my worth and that translated into having inner confidence that doesn't always project as such but the fact that I'm so far from where I used to be gives me confidence in itself.

I know what I'm capable of and I know my limitations but I'm still able to challenge myself. "

Would you call this inner strength?

And that’s awesome you found your self-worth. It’s a beautiful thing to find that no one can take away from you unless you let them

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"I think of myself as quietly confident but not overly so.

A lifetime of low self esteem and virtually no confidence at all was gradually replaced over a period of years with a recognition that I wasn't invisible.

Once I grasped that the next step was how to deal with being seen.

I was almost 50 before I accepted my worth and that translated into having inner confidence that doesn't always project as such but the fact that I'm so far from where I used to be gives me confidence in itself.

I know what I'm capable of and I know my limitations but I'm still able to challenge myself. "

4 or 5 years ago I would never have posted pics online. I'm now very comfortable doing so and knowing that some like looking at them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Confidence is about believing in your self worth, knowing your value, playing to your strengths and acknowledging your weaknesses but either down playing them or ignoring them.

"

So you focus on your strengths rather than your weaknesses?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think true inner confidence in most cases comes from a loving and supportive childhood; without that I think you'll always be prey to doubt. However it can certainly be built up as an adult in ways which others have already indicated.

I also think 'fake it to make it' can work as a strategy, it's really just another variant on positive thinking.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"People draw their confidence from different experiences, mine is a result of an abusive caregiver, once you stop believing the lies wonderful things can happen "

Would you say you found inner strength to deal with it or was it something else?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

True confidence comes from belief and your self talk. If this is positive you will have confidence. For me it's very hard for me to have confidence about my body but I'm very confident in my intellect. I'm listening to the how not to give a fuck book and it's very interesting.

Fab has been very good for me as its starting to sink in that a lot of men do seem to find bigger girls attractive. The rest of media do not tend to support this view so much.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *apxxxWoman
over a year ago

North Shropshire not Wales!!!ffs & Manchester


"When someone is confident, where do you think that confidence comes from?

It is something that can be faked or lack of confidence can be hidden from others.

I would say that true confidence comes from having inner strength and knowing who you are, what you want from life and knowing that you are going to achieve it no matter what.

Is it something other than inner strength?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. "

I'm confident I'm going to suck your cock one day

Belief in yourself

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"I think of myself as quietly confident but not overly so.

A lifetime of low self esteem and virtually no confidence at all was gradually replaced over a period of years with a recognition that I wasn't invisible.

Once I grasped that the next step was how to deal with being seen.

I was almost 50 before I accepted my worth and that translated into having inner confidence that doesn't always project as such but the fact that I'm so far from where I used to be gives me confidence in itself.

I know what I'm capable of and I know my limitations but I'm still able to challenge myself.

Would you call this inner strength?

And that’s awesome you found your self-worth. It’s a beautiful thing to find that no one can take away from you unless you let them "

I've always had an inner strength but only in relation to other people. I knew I made a difference from a very early age and I was always the rock for many people.

That can be draining though and made me question if that was my only role in life.

The change was slow but once I realised I had to be my own rock and then build on that foundation it moved on from there.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

Like Fallen Angel says it needs breaking down but generally I think confidence comes from being comfortable and happy with yourself and not allowing what you think others may think of you and what you do affect you, be you and be happy

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"True confidence comes from belief and your self talk. If this is positive you will have confidence. For me it's very hard for me to have confidence about my body but I'm very confident in my intellect. I'm listening to the how not to give a fuck book and it's very interesting.

Fab has been very good for me as its starting to sink in that a lot of men do seem to find bigger girls attractive. The rest of media do not tend to support this view so much.

"

The Mark Manson book? The subtle art of not giving a fuck is awesome

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Like Fallen Angel says it needs breaking down but generally I think confidence comes from being comfortable and happy with yourself and not allowing what you think others may think of you and what you do affect you, be you and be happy "

Self-worth and Self-value playing a big role in this?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm a confident person and always have been. The truth is I don't know where that comes from, I'm not given to introspection, I rarely compare myself to other people and much to the annoyance of many I don't much care what others think of me. Possibly there are two types of confidence, the kind you have to work for and build and the type you just have.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Think it is an inner belief in oneself.

Mrs for example has found body confidence and has always been strong and confident in other things but there is one area where she has self doubt and if asked to do something in that area she will always crumble despite the fact that she can do and everybody knows she can do it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I have friends who hold down top level jobs and one in particular whose job literally is a life and death matter.

They are extremely confident in their public roles and take charge of large groups of people effortlessly.

Privately they are a mess and struggle daily to deal with their personal life and feel worthless.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Think it is an inner belief in oneself.

Mrs for example has found body confidence and has always been strong and confident in other things but there is one area where she has self doubt and if asked to do something in that area she will always crumble despite the fact that she can do and everybody knows she can do it. "

What is the difference from when she is confident in one thing and not the other? Is that just belief in her abilities?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading


"True confidence comes from belief and your self talk. If this is positive you will have confidence. For me it's very hard for me to have confidence about my body but I'm very confident in my intellect. I'm listening to the how not to give a fuck book and it's very interesting.

Fab has been very good for me as its starting to sink in that a lot of men do seem to find bigger girls attractive. The rest of media do not tend to support this view so much.

The Mark Manson book? The subtle art of not giving a fuck is awesome "

That's the one.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have friends who hold down top level jobs and one in particular whose job literally is a life and death matter.

They are extremely confident in their public roles and take charge of large groups of people effortlessly.

Privately they are a mess and struggle daily to deal with their personal life and feel worthless. "

I've also seen that. Perhaps those jobs come with a ready-made structure and discipline that they need, whereas private life can be much less defined and chaotic?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have friends who hold down top level jobs and one in particular whose job literally is a life and death matter.

They are extremely confident in their public roles and take charge of large groups of people effortlessly.

Privately they are a mess and struggle daily to deal with their personal life and feel worthless. "

I understand this. Do they feel like there job defines them?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eatrice BadinageWoman
over a year ago

In a Sparkly Dress


"People draw their confidence from different experiences, mine is a result of an abusive caregiver, once you stop believing the lies wonderful things can happen

Would you say you found inner strength to deal with it or was it something else?"

Someone finally told me that the childhood I was living was not right or normal, once I had that realisation my confidence started to grow and I was able to escape and start a new life with loving people who supported and nurtured me into the person I am today

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"People draw their confidence from different experiences, mine is a result of an abusive caregiver, once you stop believing the lies wonderful things can happen

Would you say you found inner strength to deal with it or was it something else?

Someone finally told me that the childhood I was living was not right or normal, once I had that realisation my confidence started to grow and I was able to escape and start a new life with loving people who supported and nurtured me into the person I am today "

Realisation is so important but so is the strength to do something about it. So happy for you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

I was born with it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"I think it could be broken down a bit.

Bodily confidence, confidence in going to places, confidence in meeting other maybe?

I have confidence in some areas, and not so much in others?"

This definitely . I could stand up in front of a million people and do a speech no problem. Meeting someone for the first time on fab I’m a nervous wreck

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think true inner confidence in most cases comes from a loving and supportive childhood; without that I think you'll always be prey to doubt. However it can certainly be built up as an adult in ways which others have already indicated.

I also think 'fake it to make it' can work as a strategy, it's really just another variant on positive thinking."

Completely this, if you weren’t made to loved and worthwhile as a child it takes so much to undo that thinking. Somethings can be improved significantly, but think there’s always an element of self doubt left

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When someone is confident, where do you think that confidence comes from?

It is something that can be faked or lack of confidence can be hidden from others.

I would say that true confidence comes from having inner strength and knowing who you are, what you want from life and knowing that you are going to achieve it no matter what.

Is it something other than inner strength?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. "

Can't speak for anyone else, but for yours unruly, it's coming from caring way too much for people who didn't deserve it for too many years, so one full moon I decided to tip my jar of fucks over and here we are

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne


"Think it is an inner belief in oneself.

Mrs for example has found body confidence and has always been strong and confident in other things but there is one area where she has self doubt and if asked to do something in that area she will always crumble despite the fact that she can do and everybody knows she can do it.

What is the difference from when she is confident in one thing and not the other? Is that just belief in her abilities?"

It is hard to pin down she believes that she can't do it even though evidence proves she can so will go out of her way to avoid or get others to do it. This is a woman who will happily get on stage infront of 100s of people and has a very good job.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm a confident person and always have been. The truth is I don't know where that comes from, I'm not given to introspection, I rarely compare myself to other people and much to the annoyance of many I don't much care what others think of me. Possibly there are two types of confidence, the kind you have to work for and build and the type you just have. "

Yes I agree there are 2 types of confidence to some degree but is it our formative years that has separated them?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

For me genuine confidence comes from knowing and acknowledging who you are, warts and all.

Knowing that regardless of qualifications, looks, achievements, wealth, status symbols etc... you have an intrinsic value as a human being. Integrity plays an important part in underpinning that confidence.

Knowing you are not perfect and need not be. You need to be yourself and comfortable in your ski, all other attributes and achievements are merely little decorative additions to your core.

Hope that makes sense - good thread, OP.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For me genuine confidence comes from knowing and acknowledging who you are, warts and all.

Knowing that regardless of qualifications, looks, achievements, wealth, status symbols etc... you have an intrinsic value as a human being. Integrity plays an important part in underpinning that confidence.

Knowing you are not perfect and need not be. You need to be yourself and comfortable in your ski, all other attributes and achievements are merely little decorative additions to your core.

Hope that makes sense - good thread, OP."
. Does happiness from within play a role in this? Or is it a byproduct?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 25/08/21 09:34:05]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"For me genuine confidence comes from knowing and acknowledging who you are, warts and all.

Knowing that regardless of qualifications, looks, achievements, wealth, status symbols etc... you have an intrinsic value as a human being. Integrity plays an important part in underpinning that confidence.

Knowing you are not perfect and need not be. You need to be yourself and comfortable in your ski, all other attributes and achievements are merely little decorative additions to your core.

Hope that makes sense - good thread, OP.. Does happiness from within play a role in this? Or is it a byproduct? "

Happiness (as the kind of quiet contentment) is a by product when you are at peace with yourself, accepted yourself.

Happiness as a that momentary "bubbly burst of joy and exuberance" is a different thing but also results from a sound confidence.

It is about knowing that you deserve that happiness and joy. Everybody does in my world - just some are better at achieving it than others.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I'm a confident person and always have been. The truth is I don't know where that comes from, I'm not given to introspection, I rarely compare myself to other people and much to the annoyance of many I don't much care what others think of me. Possibly there are two types of confidence, the kind you have to work for and build and the type you just have.

Yes I agree there are 2 types of confidence to some degree but is it our formative years that has separated them? "

I typed a response then realised I hadn't answered the question.

Truth is I don't know. I think your upbringing can give you confidence in your "self", your education can give you confidence in your intellectual abilities, your peers can give you confidence in your social life but I suppose if that basic "self" confidence isn't there the rest won't follow. Maybe the one follows from the other.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *arker secrets 321Man
over a year ago

West Bromwich

I'm v confident in my job almost cocky but I av 2 b as my life and orthers depend on my abilities.

As 4 orther things in my life I come across as confident but hide my shyness by trying 2 be funny x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria


"Like Fallen Angel says it needs breaking down but generally I think confidence comes from being comfortable and happy with yourself and not allowing what you think others may think of you and what you do affect you, be you and be happy

Self-worth and Self-value playing a big role in this?"

Yes I think they will play a role if you believe you act in a good way and that your a good person, if you believe you are the best you can be as a person then this should make you confident.

Self-worth can be through achievement though perhaps through competition with others, so maybe if people think they never achieved in certain areas it knocks their confidence but that doesn’t mean they don’t shine in other areas against those same people, so try to be self-caring and do what you enjoy.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria


"People draw their confidence from different experiences, mine is a result of an abusive caregiver, once you stop believing the lies wonderful things can happen

Would you say you found inner strength to deal with it or was it something else?

Someone finally told me that the childhood I was living was not right or normal, once I had that realisation my confidence started to grow and I was able to escape and start a new life with loving people who supported and nurtured me into the person I am today "

Sounds like you had a bumpy start, really happy for you that you found loving and caring people to support you x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria


"I'm v confident in my job almost cocky but I av 2 b as my life and orthers depend on my abilities.

As 4 orther things in my life I come across as confident but hide my shyness by trying 2 be funny x "

You should be confident Mr!! Your a great guy who is caring, compassionate, a brilliant friend, funny yeah though a little cheeky with it but fit so your forgiven that haha x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm v confident in my job almost cocky but I av 2 b as my life and orthers depend on my abilities.

As 4 orther things in my life I come across as confident but hide my shyness by trying 2 be funny x "

There is a fine line between being confident and arrogance. The fact that you are shy is certain circumstances is a reminder that arrogance isn’t attractive

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Arrogance (if you look at the roots of the word) means "without questioning" - if you walk around life with an attitude of not questioning yourself and the environment you are in... it is a kind of blindness, almost a " dis" ability to connect with others in my perception. It is not attractive for sure.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me personally, my confidence has come through experience. Growing up I never really blended in with other girls, I was always the tallest, the biggest & I pretty much stuck out in any social setting; with this it made me pretty introverted as it was always me comparing myself to other girls.

It wasn’t really until I hit 16/17 I realised that I don’t have to look like every other person to be beautiful & I accepted myself for who I am and what I stand for. Once I accepted myself for who I am and for who I’ll always be, my confidence grew leaps and bounds, I know that I’m beautiful inside and out and that’s what allows me to be confident. So I guess that personally, my confidence does come from inside, but it wasn’t something I was born with it was something I had to teach myself.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think confidence in certain situations can be faked, but only if deep down you believe you will cope with the situation so you hide your nerves. Ultimately, you were confident all along, just nervous too.

A true lack of confidence and lack of self worth, from someone who has been beaten down by life, is hard to hide and takes years of healing to overcome.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Arrogance (if you look at the roots of the word) means "without questioning" - if you walk around life with an attitude of not questioning yourself and the environment you are in... it is a kind of blindness, almost a " dis" ability to connect with others in my perception. It is not attractive for sure. "

I have worked with confident and arrogant people and yes I agree with what you have said. Arrogance is a blindness to other people and their opinions. When someone is confident they will ask lots of questions because they want to learn. They aren’t scared of their vulnerable side.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For me personally, my confidence has come through experience. Growing up I never really blended in with other girls, I was always the tallest, the biggest & I pretty much stuck out in any social setting; with this it made me pretty introverted as it was always me comparing myself to other girls.

It wasn’t really until I hit 16/17 I realised that I don’t have to look like every other person to be beautiful & I accepted myself for who I am and what I stand for. Once I accepted myself for who I am and for who I’ll always be, my confidence grew leaps and bounds, I know that I’m beautiful inside and out and that’s what allows me to be confident. So I guess that personally, my confidence does come from inside, but it wasn’t something I was born with it was something I had to teach myself. "

I think for most people confidence is learnt. We will always seek validation from situations. When we are confident we will look for positive signs. Under it lack of confidence and we will look for the negatives. We always see what reinforces our beliefs.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think confidence in certain situations can be faked, but only if deep down you believe you will cope with the situation so you hide your nerves. Ultimately, you were confident all along, just nervous too.

A true lack of confidence and lack of self worth, from someone who has been beaten down by life, is hard to hide and takes years of healing to overcome."

I have know many people believe that have ‘faked’ confidence in certain situations but as you say the belief is already there.

Faking confidence drains energy and yes healing takes a long time and many self motivational talks

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

When you are truly confident, you are not afraid of admitting you were wrong, made a mistake, asking for forgiveness and making amends. Whether this is at work, at home, amongst friends....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When you are truly confident, you are not afraid of admitting you were wrong, made a mistake, asking for forgiveness and making amends. Whether this is at work, at home, amongst friends.... "

I think it goes further than this. You ask for help to learn from those mistakes and fully own them without excuses

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"When you are truly confident, you are not afraid of admitting you were wrong, made a mistake, asking for forgiveness and making amends. Whether this is at work, at home, amongst friends....

I think it goes further than this. You ask for help to learn from those mistakes and fully own them without excuses "

Sorry, absolutely, I "arrogantly" forgot that one

Very true!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *evilandTheBeastCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough and Bedford

I think my confidence is more not giving a flying fox about what other people think about me (mostly). I used to be very shy as a teenager, but eventually learned to embrace the fact that my body looks somewhat different than most people and that I limp (not always visible). If you can't change something, learn to live with it and turn it into your asset- Miss Devil.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think confidence in certain situations can be faked, but only if deep down you believe you will cope with the situation so you hide your nerves. Ultimately, you were confident all along, just nervous too.

A true lack of confidence and lack of self worth, from someone who has been beaten down by life, is hard to hide and takes years of healing to overcome."

This really resonated with me.

If you’ve never had the confidence cultivated within you, by parenting, but life, by experiences, it can be incredibly hard to build that for yourself. You’re fighting against years of conditioning, and it’s a huge obstacle to climb.

I mostly have confidence in how I look, in my ability to be a good person, in my open heart, but it’s hard sometimes.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Arrogance (if you look at the roots of the word) means "without questioning" - if you walk around life with an attitude of not questioning yourself and the environment you are in... it is a kind of blindness, almost a " dis" ability to connect with others in my perception. It is not attractive for sure. "

Really agree with this.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I think confidence in certain situations can be faked, but only if deep down you believe you will cope with the situation so you hide your nerves. Ultimately, you were confident all along, just nervous too.

A true lack of confidence and lack of self worth, from someone who has been beaten down by life, is hard to hide and takes years of healing to overcome.

This really resonated with me.

If you’ve never had the confidence cultivated within you, by parenting, but life, by experiences, it can be incredibly hard to build that for yourself. You’re fighting against years of conditioning, and it’s a huge obstacle to climb.

I mostly have confidence in how I look, in my ability to be a good person, in my open heart, but it’s hard sometimes. "

Would you agree that we can be overall confident with pockets of insecurities for whatever reason? I certainly doubt myself at times.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think confidence in certain situations can be faked, but only if deep down you believe you will cope with the situation so you hide your nerves. Ultimately, you were confident all along, just nervous too.

A true lack of confidence and lack of self worth, from someone who has been beaten down by life, is hard to hide and takes years of healing to overcome.

This really resonated with me.

If you’ve never had the confidence cultivated within you, by parenting, but life, by experiences, it can be incredibly hard to build that for yourself. You’re fighting against years of conditioning, and it’s a huge obstacle to climb.

I mostly have confidence in how I look, in my ability to be a good person, in my open heart, but it’s hard sometimes.

Would you agree that we can be overall confident with pockets of insecurities for whatever reason? I certainly doubt myself at times."

The most confident of people doubt themselves. Questioning yourself means that you are still looking to learn and are willing to do the work required

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think confidence in certain situations can be faked, but only if deep down you believe you will cope with the situation so you hide your nerves. Ultimately, you were confident all along, just nervous too.

A true lack of confidence and lack of self worth, from someone who has been beaten down by life, is hard to hide and takes years of healing to overcome.

This really resonated with me.

If you’ve never had the confidence cultivated within you, by parenting, but life, by experiences, it can be incredibly hard to build that for yourself. You’re fighting against years of conditioning, and it’s a huge obstacle to climb.

I mostly have confidence in how I look, in my ability to be a good person, in my open heart, but it’s hard sometimes.

Would you agree that we can be overall confident with pockets of insecurities for whatever reason? I certainly doubt myself at times."

Yes, I do agree. I also think, like onions, we have layers, we can work on something, but at some point another layer might be revealed, and require more work?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I think confidence in certain situations can be faked, but only if deep down you believe you will cope with the situation so you hide your nerves. Ultimately, you were confident all along, just nervous too.

A true lack of confidence and lack of self worth, from someone who has been beaten down by life, is hard to hide and takes years of healing to overcome.

This really resonated with me.

If you’ve never had the confidence cultivated within you, by parenting, but life, by experiences, it can be incredibly hard to build that for yourself. You’re fighting against years of conditioning, and it’s a huge obstacle to climb.

I mostly have confidence in how I look, in my ability to be a good person, in my open heart, but it’s hard sometimes.

Would you agree that we can be overall confident with pockets of insecurities for whatever reason? I certainly doubt myself at times.

The most confident of people doubt themselves. Questioning yourself means that you are still looking to learn and are willing to do the work required"
True, I guess I meant despite my generally ok level of confidence, I, too, have insecurities.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

For me confidence is self awareness and self acceptance. Being quietly content with who you are, insecurities can arise around that, but for me this is the core.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *herry OnatopWoman
over a year ago

Just over there

I'm certainly outwardly confident and mostly feel an inner strength and monologue that helps me with the belief that I CAN do it, that I am strong.

The doubts and that niggling voice that questions me is entirely internal. Wobbles to confidence maybe caused by comments from others but allowing that to bring me down is my issue entirely.

Think strong and confident! Be strong and confident! I can do this!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think that we can ever be truely confident. There will always be self doubt that pops up throughout life, whether it's how we feel when we look in the mirror, if we can achieve something or reaching out to new experiences.

For me confidence is self acceptance, being comfortable with who you are. When doubt comes our way as long as we have this, it's easier to overcome the bumps in the road.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I don't think that we can ever be truely confident. There will always be self doubt that pops up throughout life, whether it's how we feel when we look in the mirror, if we can achieve something or reaching out to new experiences.

For me confidence is self acceptance, being comfortable with who you are. When doubt comes our way as long as we have this, it's easier to overcome the bumps in the road."

I'm not confident in areas that I know I don't have skills in. I can speak a little French but I would be far from confident going to a hairdresser who only spoke french. I simply don't have the vocabulary to ask for long layers and a deep conditioning treatment

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have confidence inside and out. I know I’m not the best looking it fittest looking guy. But I’m confident in me! I like to use my confidence helping others who maybe don’t. I think you can be confident in your life, but not confident in someone else’s. Confidence is being happy with who you are in mist situations. But I’m still shy too. And I like that. I also believe being around a strong confident and friendly person can boost your own confidence too.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *arker secrets 321Man
over a year ago

West Bromwich


"I'm v confident in my job almost cocky but I av 2 b as my life and orthers depend on my abilities.

As 4 orther things in my life I come across as confident but hide my shyness by trying 2 be funny x

You should be confident Mr!! Your a great guy who is caring, compassionate, a brilliant friend, funny yeah though a little cheeky with it but fit so your forgiven that haha x"

V kind words I'm humbled coming off such a lovely couple x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *arker secrets 321Man
over a year ago

West Bromwich


"I'm v confident in my job almost cocky but I av 2 b as my life and orthers depend on my abilities.

As 4 orther things in my life I come across as confident but hide my shyness by trying 2 be funny x

There is a fine line between being confident and arrogance. The fact that you are shy is certain circumstances is a reminder that arrogance isn’t attractive "

V true my friend x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ave1963BarnsleyMan
over a year ago

Barnsley

For me it's probably best defined as feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

For example, I don't have much body confidence and when I finally take the plunge and spend an evening in Jay-Dees I'll be cacking myself.

Nevertheless, I know that pushing through the fear and doing it anyway, regardless of my apprehensions, will very likely give me the confidence to do it again.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For me it's probably best defined as feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

For example, I don't have much body confidence and when I finally take the plunge and spend an evening in Jay-Dees I'll be cacking myself.

Nevertheless, I know that pushing through the fear and doing it anyway, regardless of my apprehensions, will very likely give me the confidence to do it again."

This is great. Push through the fear and back yourself

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When someone is confident, where do you think that confidence comes from?

It is something that can be faked or lack of confidence can be hidden from others.

I would say that true confidence comes from having inner strength and knowing who you are, what you want from life and knowing that you are going to achieve it no matter what.

Is it something other than inner strength?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

I'm confident I'm going to suck your cock one day

Belief in yourself "

All talk and no action

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *apxxxWoman
over a year ago

North Shropshire not Wales!!!ffs & Manchester


"When someone is confident, where do you think that confidence comes from?

It is something that can be faked or lack of confidence can be hidden from others.

I would say that true confidence comes from having inner strength and knowing who you are, what you want from life and knowing that you are going to achieve it no matter what.

Is it something other than inner strength?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

I'm confident I'm going to suck your cock one day

Belief in yourself

All talk and no action "

Rude!!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When someone is confident, where do you think that confidence comes from?

It is something that can be faked or lack of confidence can be hidden from others.

I would say that true confidence comes from having inner strength and knowing who you are, what you want from life and knowing that you are going to achieve it no matter what.

Is it something other than inner strength?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

I'm confident I'm going to suck your cock one day

Belief in yourself

All talk and no action

Rude!!! "

Prove me wrong then

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby


"People draw their confidence from different experiences, mine is a result of an abusive caregiver, once you stop believing the lies wonderful things can happen "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"I'm a confident person and always have been. The truth is I don't know where that comes from, I'm not given to introspection, I rarely compare myself to other people and much to the annoyance of many I don't much care what others think of me. Possibly there are two types of confidence, the kind you have to work for and build and the type you just have. "

Nicecouple, are you me in a few years time?! I feel this describes me very well!

Confidence can definitely be faked - Mr KC does it regularly but it's very draining for him, I know that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andsCouple
over a year ago

Edin

I fake it till I make it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Confident in myself definitely from within whenever I start saying I can’t do it I always tell myself yes you can

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *untimes6969Man
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Great thread - food for thought!!

Years ago whilst at work I was told 'Confidence is a trick of the mind - If you think you can, you can but if you think you can't, you're right!'

It's a mantra that I've used for many things, especially when pushing myself or new endeavours.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Great thread - food for thought!!

Years ago whilst at work I was told 'Confidence is a trick of the mind - If you think you can, you can but if you think you can't, you're right!'

It's a mantra that I've used for many things, especially when pushing myself or new endeavours.

"

That is a quote from Henry Ford I think.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Body confidence: I think that's built up and knocked down by other people.

Public speaking/approaching others confidence: I think that is almost a skill and people either have it or they don't.

Career/education confidence" that is self taught for sure.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Body confidence: I think that's built up and knocked down by other people.

Public speaking/approaching others confidence: I think that is almost a skill and people either have it or they don't.

Career/education confidence" that is self taught for sure.

"

Any skills can be learnt including public speaking

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rMojoRisinMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

I have lots of confidence at work, I “show” lots of confidence outside of work, I have no confidence, naked, in front of a mirror currently.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Body confidence: I think that's built up and knocked down by other people.

Public speaking/approaching others confidence: I think that is almost a skill and people either have it or they don't.

Career/education confidence" that is self taught for sure.

Any skills can be learnt including public speaking"

Maybe skill was the wrong word, personality trait?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

I'm confident in my personality, but semi fake my body confidence. I learnt that confidence Is often more attractive than the actual body parts.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Body confidence: I think that's built up and knocked down by other people.

Public speaking/approaching others confidence: I think that is almost a skill and people either have it or they don't.

Career/education confidence" that is self taught for sure.

Any skills can be learnt including public speaking

Maybe skill was the wrong word, personality trait? "

I think you were right. What gives people confidence is public speaking is knowing a structure to use so when they are talking what they are saying flows naturally rather than being all over the place

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think confidence is slightly inflated on fab because we have time to present ourselves and we can think before we reply to something someone has said...my lack of confidence is just my body issues...aside from that I can do anything x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think confidence is slightly inflated on fab because we have time to present ourselves and we can think before we reply to something someone has said...my lack of confidence is just my body issues...aside from that I can do anything x"

I get what you mean but you can also take time to present yourself in rl. It just takes clarity on who you want to be, and practice that time and time again.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top