FabSwingers.com forum: Girls that want essays 1st message!!!!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So a lot of profiles state grab my attention or no one liners…

I think we all need to understand there has to be a connection first before we start a full blown conversation! How does it make sense if you want an attention grabbing first message when you don’t know each other!!!

Also us men have it hard (most of us anyway) always sending the first message, it can’t be a genuine bespoke essay everything.

I must admit, I’ve never sent a copy/paste message but can understand the guys thst do!

Be realistic!

Rant over. Happy Monday guys!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who has asked for an essay?

People assume an attention grabbing message means a long one, it doesn’t. All so I genuinely thing a lot in of people make the mistake of messageing loads of people a first message rather than just picking out people they genuinely think they may have a connection with or somebody very are compatible with that way it would save a lot of effort and disappointment.

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

"So a lot of profiles state grab my attention or no one liners…

Also us men have it hard (most of us anyway) always sending the first message, it can’t be a genuine bespoke essay everything.

I must admit, I’ve never sent a copy/paste message but can understand the guys thst do!

Be realistic!

Rant over. Happy Monday guys!!!!"

If you haven't got a 10" cock or look like Chris Hemsworth or Jason Momoa etc etc on your profile pic the first message won't matter if it is 1 word or 1000 words - simples

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

So you expect us to have to deal with the 50+ messages that are of a type

Hi, how are you?

What you upto?

How was your weekend?

If you're messaging someone first, be they male or female, you are messaging for a reason, either something in their profile or pictures etc... The onus is on you to make that person want to have a conversation and get to know you, which in my mind can't be done with a one sentence email.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Basically this means make some effort on the first message. They want to know that you are worth replying too OP

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

An essay how off putting

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So a lot of profiles state grab my attention or no one liners…

Also us men have it hard (most of us anyway) always sending the first message, it can’t be a genuine bespoke essay everything.

I must admit, I’ve never sent a copy/paste message but can understand the guys thst do!

Be realistic!

Rant over. Happy Monday guys!!!!

If you haven't got a 10" cock or look like Chris Hemsworth or Jason Momoa etc etc on your profile pic the first message won't matter if it is 1 word or 1000 words - simples

Hahah exactly. Unfortunately I forgot to go to the gym this morning, that’s 8 years in a row!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not an essay no i find that a bit much for an opener

A one liner…. Depends what it is.

Does it need to be something other than hi wanna see my cock?

Yes

When i send a message i make it relevant to that person/couple. I’d just like the same. And yes give me a want to reply!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Who has asked for an essay?

Point taken, I was exaggerating a little bit.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

So write what YOU want to who YOU want to write to.

Stop trying to be someone else thinking it will get you laid.

Be you.

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By *handlerMonicaCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

A well written paragraph, with a good profile backing it up, would be more than good enough to initiate a conversation from us

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"So you expect us to have to deal with the 50+ messages that are of a type

Hi, how are you?

What you upto?

How was your weekend?

I’ve never ever written those few intro lines!!! Cringe!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I don't mind copy and paste to a point as I understand it's exhausting to type a detailed message when it's likely to be unread or deleted.

However, you can clearly see who's messaging everyone and just hoping for a reply, when your profiles have zero interests in common. I don't expect an essay but I do expect anyone that messages has taken the time to read our profile and feel we are matched on some sort of level. Otherwise can you really expect a reply?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a person messages me and i like their profile and pics then as long as the message is sensible and respectful etc, I'm not fussed if its a one liner or an essay. Lol.

Good profile + good pics + sensible first message = a reply from me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Basically this means make some effort on the first message. They want to know that you are worth replying too OP "

True, point taken. I guess something a little more personal is what the ask is. I won’t write more than a few lines unless it’s feet/heels related!!!

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

For me the profile the message has come from, is as important as what they've written

If I get hi how are you, from a blank profile with no text, it's a delete. If I got same message from a good profile, with nice pics I'm more inclined to reply.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/08/21 11:53:37]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If a person messages me and i like their profile and pics then as long as the message is sensible and respectful etc, I'm not fussed if its a one liner or an essay. Lol.

Good profile + good pics + sensible first message = a reply from me

That’s great summarisation! I need to sort my profile out.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Once again, it is quality over quantity for me.

No, I do not expect War & Peace. Neither do I feel turned on by "Hi" or "How's you" or "love your pics" or even a suggestion of what they will/ would like do to me if we meet. Total and utter turn-off for me.

An enticing message can be a one liner but it needs to make at least a clever reference to my profile or an interesting question or something that will tell me they thought about it for 10 seconds, it is a deliberate message and it was design to attract MY attention.

It really is not that difficult!

- just discovered the emoji, bear with me while I experiment with it.

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

As already stated I don't think anyone is expecting an essay just not the usual one line messages. A bit of personality in messages is more alluring than a short story I'd wager.

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By *ingdangTV/TS
over a year ago

Manchester

A simple message with a simple question or complement would do nicely for me. If I’m interested I would reply and start the conversation.

But message such as “u free” or “hey” expecting me to do the running will get instantly deleted, especially from blank profiles.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

'Sup?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Once again, it is quality over quantity for me.

It really is not that difficult!

- just discovered the emoji, bear with me while I experiment with it.

This is really helpful actually. Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally gravitate towards longer messages, but then I'm treating the person at the other end as a human being and not just a hole and a heartbeat! I also suffer from an inability to shut up (unless a boob or food is put in my mouth!). Anything banal, like "how's your day?" isn't really in my book going to grab someone's attention when their inbox is crammed full of identical or very similar messages. I certainly wouldn't take much notice of the 50th message of the same type, day in, day out. Most people want to have some chemistry with the other person and someone receiving the same message over and over again to start a conversation must feel a bit wash, rinse, repeat and deathly boring!

Sorry to say this, but (to me anyway) asking the question kind of smacks of searching for a justification not to put much effort in.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

In a mail box full of "Hi" messages, how are we supposed to tell the difference between people we are and aren't compatible with?

"Hi" tells us nothing. We cannot tell if one "Hi" is from somebody more suitable than another.

If you write something showing you take an interest in us and show that you've bothered to think about if we are compatible, do you not see the benefit of that?

I have tried replying to people who write "Hi" and it has always been pointless. They have all turned out clearly not to be interested in what we want, only what they want, and they expect us to fit in. None of them showed any conversational skill, which is key for us.

That’s why we delete all such messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does a single line asking to be blocked straight away count as a single line message?

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By *arciocialWoman
over a year ago

Leicester

If you dont want to do it then don't. I know I wouldn't bother

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hard to get my attention but I don't ask for an essay takes me to long to read it lmfao just be on my wave length that's all it takes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they demand an essay in a first message why on earth do you bother mailing them?

Fuck that!

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

Not only do I not want to write one, I don't want to read one either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I tend to lean towards more longer messages, that actually show you have taken the time to read their profile.

What is a bit silly is sometimes you see profiles that complain about all the short and generic messages they get, but then have no information on their profile! Not much to work with there.. one to avoid in my book

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I tend to lean towards more longer messages, that actually show you have taken the time to read their profile.

Exactly this. I do wonder though whether the three word profiles are just throwing down the gauntlet

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Ten hi messages over the weekend, but no messages like below.

‘Love your profile and hope mine interests you as well. I liked the bit … and would love to explore this with you. You’ll see on my profile we both share the same….

I would appreciate a reply but will understand if you choose not to.’

With a decent profile that indicates that we are share the same kinks or likes, then this will always elicit a response from me.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

If you’ve got nothing in your profile and hardly any pics or none at all then I’d expect you to be selling yourself a little more in your message.

Not war and peace but we’ll look at the message, you profile and pics and if it’s all basic and doesn’t give us any suggestion that we could potentially connect then the chance of a good response decreases somewhat.

We’ve made an effort in our profile and pics, we’d expect some effort from you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I see the first message as a similar sort of thing to a cover letter for a job (albeit for a lot more fun of a reason!). You don't want to bore anyone to death but you want to show that you've read their profile and why you're different to all the people that have sent one liners, what you offer that you think they're looking for based on their profile and get a bit of personality across.

I've also found that as I've added to my profile, I've had a lot more responses and first messages being sent to me. I think it's less about essays and more about effort and genuine interest.

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By *lym4realCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

We don't expect a essay but.....we like do like some indication that ...something is going on upstairs and ..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In a mail box full of "Hi" messages, how are we supposed to tell the difference between people we are and aren't compatible with?

"Hi" tells us nothing. We cannot tell if one "Hi" is from somebody more suitable than another.

If you write something showing you take an interest in us and show that you've bothered to think about if we are compatible, do you not see the benefit of that?

That’s why we delete all such messages. "

Great perspective thanks guys. I kinda see how the mundane uncreative messages aren’t worth it too!

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By *issAphroditeWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

Very few women want an essay, we just want to be drawn in to find out more. That means standing out from all the lazy-arse "Hey", "How's you" and generic copy and paste messages that our inboxes are filled with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ten hi messages over the weekend, but no messages like below.

The just hi messages don't exactly scream making an effort... Hardly a good sign is it?! You clearly deserve more than the 2 secs that the spent sending those!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not only do I not want to write one, I don't want to read one either."

My kind of girl. We all know why we’re on here, we’ll most of us! It’s not that deep bro (as my nephew would say!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So a lot of profiles state grab my attention or no one liners…

Also us men have it hard (most of us anyway) always sending the first message, it can’t be a genuine bespoke essay everything.

I must admit, I’ve never sent a copy/paste message but can understand the guys thst do!

Be realistic!

Rant over. Happy Monday guys!!!!"

You've managed to write an essay for this post, so it's clearly not beyond you.

If you're happy to blend in with the 100 guys per day who message saying "Hi how are you" then go right ahead. If you actually want a reply though, you'll need to make a bit of an effort.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry, that was too harsh.

There have been some really good insights into what people want from a message in this thread, I hope guys find it helpful.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

At least make it a two liner with some sort of nod towards the profile of the person you're sending it to ...and don't get too roles if you're either totally ignored or receiving three or four word replies.....sorry ..not my type

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I think we all need to understand there has to be a connection first before we start a full blown conversation!"

It’s impossible for me to feel a connection with someone before I’ve had some conversation with them. “Hi” does not make a connection.

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

"Ten hi messages over the weekend, but no messages like below.

‘Love your profile and hope mine interests you as well. I liked the bit … and would love to explore this with you. You’ll see on my profile we both share the same….

I would appreciate a reply but will understand if you choose not to.’

With a decent profile that indicates that we are share the same kinks or likes, then this will always elicit a response from me.

Hands up lads if you've copied this template to paste at a later date

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we just want to be treated like women, and people, rather than a sex toy/convenient set of holes/there at the right time!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ten hi messages over the weekend, but no messages like below.

‘Love your profile and hope mine interests you as well. I liked the bit … and would love to explore this with you. You’ll see on my profile we both share the same….

I would appreciate a reply but will understand if you choose not to.’

With a decent profile that indicates that we are share the same kinks or likes, then this will always elicit a response from me.

Hands up lads if you've copied this template to paste at a later date "

No, I'm a grammar nerd

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm sorry, that was too harsh.

There have been some really good insights into what people want from a message in this thread, I hope guys find it helpful. "

Not harsh at all. I’m really glad for all the responses. Clearly a lot to learn.

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

"Ten hi messages over the weekend, but no messages like below.

‘Love your profile and hope mine interests you as well. I liked the bit … and would love to explore this with you. You’ll see on my profile we both share the same….

I would appreciate a reply but will understand if you choose not to.’

With a decent profile that indicates that we are share the same kinks or likes, then this will always elicit a response from me.

Hands up lads if you've copied this template to paste at a later date

No, I'm a grammar nerd

Oh dear, I can see where my lack of a comma might have you concerned. Be assured I wasn't suggesting you fist a fella.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We like messages where we're talked to like a normal person, not crude, not a one liner but not an essay

Just a quick introduction telling us a little about you that we can't get from your profile.

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By *nfin8yWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

I think something which shows you’re interested in me as a person and what I would find interesting about you as a person is what works for me. That and being respectful and a sense of humour can help too.

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By *idsCouple1Couple
over a year ago

Tamworth

Lol no.

Just don’t send a photo of your cock teamed with the words ‘wanna fuck?’ as your first message and you’re pretty golden as far as I’m concerned!

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By *igmaMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I find FAF works as a general synopsis in most circumstances

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like an incel... No one owes anyone a reply.

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By *..FirstMan
over a year ago

london

"Who has asked for an essay?

I think you are right…

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By *..FirstMan
over a year ago

london

"So a lot of profiles state grab my attention or no one liners…

Also us men have it hard (most of us anyway) always sending the first message, it can’t be a genuine bespoke essay everything.

I must admit, I’ve never sent a copy/paste message but can understand the guys thst do!

Be realistic!

Rant over. Happy Monday guys!!!!

If you haven't got a 10" cock or look like Chris Hemsworth or Jason Momoa etc etc on your profile pic the first message won't matter if it is 1 word or 1000 words - simples

I think this can be true too…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So a lot of profiles state grab my attention or no one liners…

Also us men have it hard (most of us anyway) always sending the first message, it can’t be a genuine bespoke essay everything.

I must admit, I’ve never sent a copy/paste message but can understand the guys thst do!

Be realistic!

Rant over. Happy Monday guys!!!!"

Love your realism - but it is very clear, men don’t get to make the rules on here. We comply (often to no avail) or we are denied. The imbalance determines it.

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By *..FirstMan
over a year ago

london

"So you expect us to have to deal with the 50+ messages that are of a type

Hi, how are you?

What you upto?

How was your weekend?

Yep, the “how are you” is BS and as you say, what is the key thing in their profile that makes you think… yep we could have mutual fun. Hopefully there is enough there to also say, yep we can have a laugh and a glass of wine together too!

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

Or when they have a profile pic or their big toe and yet ask you for a full face pic and bio or they delete your message lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ten hi messages over the weekend, but no messages like below.

‘Love your profile and hope mine interests you as well. I liked the bit … and would love to explore this with you. You’ll see on my profile we both share the same….

I would appreciate a reply but will understand if you choose not to.’

With a decent profile that indicates that we are share the same kinks or likes, then this will always elicit a response from me.

Hands up lads if you've copied this template to paste at a later date

No, I'm a grammar nerd

Oh dear, I can see where my lack of a comma might have you concerned. Be assured I wasn't suggesting you fist a fella. "

Let's eat people.

Let's eat, people.

Punctuation saves lives!

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

"Ten hi messages over the weekend, but no messages like below.

‘Love your profile and hope mine interests you as well. I liked the bit … and would love to explore this with you. You’ll see on my profile we both share the same….

I would appreciate a reply but will understand if you choose not to.’

With a decent profile that indicates that we are share the same kinks or likes, then this will always elicit a response from me.

Hands up lads if you've copied this template to paste at a later date

No, I'm a grammar nerd

Oh dear, I can see where my lack of a comma might have you concerned. Be assured I wasn't suggesting you fist a fella.

Let's eat people.

Let's eat, people.

Punctuation saves lives!

Much like capitalisation is the difference between helping your uncle Jack off an elephant and helping your uncle jack off an elephant

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"So a lot of profiles state grab my attention or no one liners…

Also us men have it hard (most of us anyway) always sending the first message, it can’t be a genuine bespoke essay everything.

I must admit, I’ve never sent a copy/paste message but can understand the guys thst do!

Be realistic!

Rant over. Happy Monday guys!!!!"

It's about quality, not quantity.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Pay me a compliment, refer to something in my profile, ask me how I am.

Just a tiny little bit of effort can be greatly rewarded

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"Pay me a compliment, refer to something in my profile, ask me how I am.

Just a tiny little bit of effort can be greatly rewarded

You have a Gorgeous towel, what you doing tomorrow night?

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By *andsCouple
over a year ago

Edin

I definitely don’t want an essay just something more than “hey”! I like a message that’s cheeky or got some banter they are the ones that draw me in x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sometime write essays full of rubbish because it amuses me and my creative urges.

Other times I condense it down to a few line of rubbish because it amuses me.

Sometimes that works. Other times I find out the person doesn't like my sense of humour. And that's cool. I wouldn't want to meet that kinda person. They probably murder kitties too.

(This thread may be evidence of the kinda stuff people has to put up with. Sorrynotsorry

)

What was the question again ?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I have a rubric here, against which I will mark submissions to our inbox. Marks are given for originality, creativity, spelling, grammar and punctuation. Academic misconduct will be investigated and penalised, up to and including awarding zero to the offending piece of work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Love your realism - but it is very clear, men don’t get to make the rules on here. We comply (often to no avail) or we are denied. The imbalance determines it."

Please forgive the tangent, but this really sums up what society in general has historically been like for women, so please excuse me if I don't dust off my violin for you.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

It's Goldilocks.

Not too short, but also not too long.

I don't think they want an essay, just something that's more than, 'hows u?', or the other repeated messages they get, faf, how was your weekend, what u looking for...etc.

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By *issAphroditeWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

"Love your realism - but it is very clear, men don’t get to make the rules on here. We comply (often to no avail) or we are denied. The imbalance determines it.

Please forgive the tangent, but this really sums up what society in general has historically been like for women, so please excuse me if I don't dust off my violin for you."

Absolutely. This is one of the few environments in which men don't hold most of the cards - hence many of them seemingly unable to grasp the concept of not being in charge.

Women may well "set the rules" but quite frankly, so few men on here respect them. And the rules we do make are largely for our own safety and peace of mind - let's face it, women meeting men are statistically at far higher risk of harm than the reserve of that, so it makes sense that we are cautious and try to filter out the bad eggs.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Absolutely. This is one of the few environments in which men don't hold most of the cards - hence many of them seemingly unable to grasp the concept of not being in charge.

Well said.

I suspect that most blokes have no concept of the fear aspect for a solo lady going to meet a man. I know it's not something that often crosses my mind. It probably doesn't help that the lifestyle is still "taboo" within the vanilla world, which makes it more difficult to let someone know where you are going and who you're meeting.

Cal

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Love your realism - but it is very clear, men don’t get to make the rules on here. We comply (often to no avail) or we are denied. The imbalance determines it."

I don't really think this is true. If I message a guy or couple it's surely their rules that will determine if I get a reply and not mine?

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"Love your realism - but it is very clear, men don’t get to make the rules on here. We comply (often to no avail) or we are denied. The imbalance determines it.

Please forgive the tangent, but this really sums up what society in general has historically been like for women, so please excuse me if I don't dust off my violin for you.

Absolutely. This is one of the few environments in which men don't hold most of the cards - hence many of them seemingly unable to grasp the concept of not being in charge.

*Round of applause*

Poor men...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The key is to send out generic messages in bulk, for example:

Good morning/afternoon/evening

How are you today non specific person(s), I have viewed your profile and I like your photo(s), if no photos then ignore, I have read your bio too, you are quite the wordsmith, unless of course you aren’t, I see I may or may not be what you’re looking for, if I am let me know and I will buy some condoms (unless you’re all about the bareback). Looking forward to hearing from you (both).

P.S If you say ‘staycation’ or ‘holibobs’ ignore this message, I repeat ignore this message.

Yours sincerely

City Jeans.

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

"The key is to send out generic messages in bulk, for example:

Good morning/afternoon/evening

P.S If you say ‘staycation’ or ‘holibobs’ ignore this message, I repeat ignore this message.

Yours sincerely

City Jeans.

Classic

Copied and soon to be pasted to my profile.

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

"The key is to send out generic messages in bulk, for example:

Good morning/afternoon/evening

P.S If you say ‘staycation’ or ‘holibobs’ ignore this message, I repeat ignore this message.

Yours sincerely

City Jeans.

Are holication or Staybobs acceptable?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The key is to send out generic messages in bulk, for example:

Good morning/afternoon/evening

P.S If you say ‘staycation’ or ‘holibobs’ ignore this message, I repeat ignore this message.

Yours sincerely

City Jeans.

Are holication or Staybobs acceptable?"

They’re borderline, if she sucks the balls and works the shaft, then I’m willing to overlook this, plus she will have her mouth full anyway, so won’t have time to say it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The key is to send out generic messages in bulk, for example:

Good morning/afternoon/evening

P.S If you say ‘staycation’ or ‘holibobs’ ignore this message, I repeat ignore this message.

Yours sincerely

City Jeans.

Classic

Copied and soon to be pasted to my profile.

And now you wait for the clunge to roll in.

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

"The key is to send out generic messages in bulk, for example:

Good morning/afternoon/evening

P.S If you say ‘staycation’ or ‘holibobs’ ignore this message, I repeat ignore this message.

Yours sincerely

City Jeans.

Are holication or Staybobs acceptable?

They’re borderline, if she sucks the balls and works the shaft, then I’m willing to overlook this, plus she will have her mouth full anyway, so won’t have time to say it.

That seems fair, at least you're giving her/them a fair crack of the whip

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The key is to send out generic messages in bulk, for example:

Good morning/afternoon/evening

P.S If you say ‘staycation’ or ‘holibobs’ ignore this message, I repeat ignore this message.

Yours sincerely

City Jeans.

Classic

Copied and soon to be pasted to my profile.

Even better if you don't even change then name !!

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We always try to respond to first messages - if it's a no thanks then we reply with a copy and paste message, so we can't really complain or object to receiving them.

If Niki finds the guy attractive, his profile and any subsequent messages are the important ones.

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