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Fear of mediocrity and being avarage

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Okay so, I struggled with this a lot, it’s always kind of been in the back of my mind but somehow I always felt… avarage.

At what I am physically but especially what I do.. like I think, it’s not bad, but it’s not excellent either. It sort of falls into a “good enough” or more “avarage” in my opinion and I can’t seem to shake that feeling off..

I was watching a video from contrapoints on YouTube (she’s fucking amazing go check her out) and the video was mainly about envy. Which defined the difference between envy and jealousy two completely different emotions, anyway, fast forward and she did this example between Spongebob and Squidward, the first is a force of nature, very naturally creative and has fun with it.

While squid tries, he struggles and ends up always being mediocre (and envious of how easy spongebob can do anything creative)

Well I feel a lot like squidward sometimes, I’ve got a degree which was a failure as I hated my course, and literally pressed the reset button and never wanted to hear about it again.. went to do my job for seven year that was opposite of what I graduated, I was okay I guess. Did I excel? No, hence why I decided to move on (and also focus on my transition I guess)

I can play the piano, as I’ve went to school for 5 years in my teens, am I good? Mmm I’d say I’m okay, but I never felt good no matter how hard I tried

Same with all other things whether it’s art or creativity or fuck knows what…. Yoga!

Does anyone else struggle with this fear? Or has dealt with similar emotions and feelings about themselves?

I just wish I wouldn’t feel so fucking… meh. Or at least know for sure I’m excelling at something…

Am I crazy??? Anyone?

BTW The only thing for sure that I know I’m good at is sex like that I know of. So, porn star career here I come?

Sorry for the long ass post and hope to hear some opinions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the key is to set the bar low, also trying is the first step to failure, so never try. Then finally acceptance, once you’ve mastered all this you will finally find contentment within.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Comparing ourselves to others is always futile. I probably did it a lot when younger. Age brings about more acceptance of yourself as a person. We are all just who we are and do the best we can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

average is ok it means youre standard

being exceptional is nice but not everyone can be otherwise exceptional would be average haha

im as good a person as i can be no superbrain no model looks might not be everyones taste but i try to be a decent person and treat people well thats all you can do buddy be the best you can be

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think the key is to set the bar low, also trying is the first step to failure, so never try. Then finally acceptance, once you’ve mastered all this you will finally find contentment within. "

How low are we talking, limbo dance speaking?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the key is to set the bar low, also trying is the first step to failure, so never try. Then finally acceptance, once you’ve mastered all this you will finally find contentment within.

How low are we talking, limbo dance speaking? "

I think you’re pretty flexible, so I reckon you could handle 9 inches!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Comparing ourselves to others is always futile. I probably did it a lot when younger. Age brings about more acceptance of yourself as a person. We are all just who we are and do the best we can. "

It’s not necessarily even comparing, but more like self loathing the feeling of avarageness . If that’s even a word.

It’s super strange, I kinda wish I was stupid so I’d probably think I’m a genius …

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

I would love to be average. My brother excels at everything he does so anything I do is seen as below par! I just got a 2.1 in my Criminology degree but my parents just asked why didn't I get a first. I may not be porn star level at sex but I'm enthusiastic and responsive

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I'm going to say something and it's meant in as nice a way as possible. The vast majority of people are average, destined to never particularly excel in one area. Actually, not average, just normal.

I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed academically and for what? How many people actually give a rat's arse about my academic achievements? Very, very few. I ended up having to constantly do better, spend more time studying and it's daft.

Sure it can give you a slight smug feeling of self righteous satisfaction but find things that bring you genuine happy. Real content feelings.

Don't put pressure on yourself to excel, try and frame it as you can be the best you possible. That's something you can excel at OP.

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

If you are doing the best you can then you are excelling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your fear of mediocrity is why you will always strive to be a better person

(I'm projecting here)

Settling for minimum effort is an easy way to decline in any profession, hobby or skill.

Wanting to be above average is a never ending chase to improve and as long as its done realising you can never achieve your goal it can be a healthy outlook.

But if you try to achieve too much it can lead to frustration, anger, resentment, and a whole host of other negative emotions and outlooks.

Squidward needs to be the best squidward he can be and not even think about being anything like spongebob. He has different skills to spongebob and so its an unhealthy comparison

Comparison is the thief of joy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t measure myself against others, I don’t think I’m unique but my adult life has been so far from normal I can’t compare myself to others, there’s guys on here with amazing physiques and I don’t feel threatened or the need to be measured against them. I’m me, and I’m more than happy getting to where I want to be without looking at others and feeling I need to change.

I do look at guys and think wow, he looks great, or wow he carries a suit so well. I can compliment without feeling that doing so makes me feel less, I’m confident in myself and for me that’s a huge positive

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Your fear of mediocrity is why you will always strive to be a better person

(I'm projecting here)

Settling for minimum effort is an easy way to decline in any profession, hobby or skill.

Wanting to be above average is a never ending chase to improve and as long as its done realising you can never achieve your goal it can be a healthy outlook.

But if you try to achieve too much it can lead to frustration, anger, resentment, and a whole host of other negative emotions and outlooks.

Squidward needs to be the best squidward he can be and not even think about being anything like spongebob. He has different skills to spongebob and so its an unhealthy comparison

Comparison is the thief of joy"

U kinda gave me a different perspective I guess and I sort of see it , so thank you! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Half of all people are below average. Statistical fact.

It's ok to sometimes not be good at things! I'm never going to be a fast runner and I'm cool with that. I was in the bottom 6th of parkrun this morning. I'm ok with that, I tried my best. I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to strive to improve. We should strive to improve in some things of course, but not in everything all the time! Sometimes, we're just enough

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Comparing ourselves to others is always futile. I probably did it a lot when younger. Age brings about more acceptance of yourself as a person. We are all just who we are and do the best we can.

It’s not necessarily even comparing, but more like self loathing the feeling of avarageness . If that’s even a word.

It’s super strange, I kinda wish I was stupid so I’d probably think I’m a genius … "

Hyper self awareness is a bit of a bastard. Blissful ignorance would be much easier, not giving a damn how we are perceived

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don’t measure myself against others, I don’t think I’m unique but my adult life has been so far from normal I can’t compare myself to others, there’s guys on here with amazing physiques and I don’t feel threatened or the need to be measured against them. I’m me, and I’m more than happy getting to where I want to be without looking at others and feeling I need to change.

I do look at guys and think wow, he looks great, or wow he carries a suit so well. I can compliment without feeling that doing so makes me feel less, I’m confident in myself and for me that’s a huge positive "

I was more less focused about the exterior part on this post but more like the things we do and things we achieve in life. Whether it’s career wise or hobby wise or whatever

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I still listen to Baz Luhrmann -Everybody’s free (To Wear Sunscreen) as there’s a lot of wisdom in that song.

I have felt average most of my life, for example I used to run Marathons and Half’s.

It was always my goal to get under 2 hours for a half marathon. Something I achieved in 2016 with a time of 1 hour 53. Brilliant especially at my age you’d think, but at the time I was married and all of my in laws were runners …bloody good runners. We are talking sub 3 hour marathon times and half at 1 hour 30 etc…

So for them I was just an average runner, nothing special and certainly didn’t deserve praise for my efforts.

However in a different relationship I would be an athlete a guy who could run, non stop over 13 miles in under 2 hours.. amazing

Don’t be too hard on yourself or regard average as a bad thing, your average is someone else’s goal in life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Half of all people are below average. Statistical fact.

It's ok to sometimes not be good at things! I'm never going to be a fast runner and I'm cool with that. I was in the bottom 6th of parkrun this morning. I'm ok with that, I tried my best. I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to strive to improve. We should strive to improve in some things of course, but not in everything all the time! Sometimes, we're just enough "

i did a 10k run a few weeks ago finished about 190 out of 250 some would see that as low but I did my 2nd best time ever i was over the moon like you did the best i could at the time

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By *KloganMan
over a year ago

Ramsbottom

I watched a really good talk recently which pretty much described how you’re feeling. I’ve always tried to live my life through two different lenses, if I can change or effect something then it’s worth focusing on.. if it’s something that I can’t control, like the weather then it’s not worth thinking about..

Life goals and positive change come from our own level of expectation, in my case I was an average professional footballer, my expectations of what I should be meant that my mindset was always negative because I knew I wasn’t elite enough to make it.

So I learned to lower my expectations and effect my change.. it’s what “you” believe you can do and not what society dictates you must.. losing the social media helps lower the expectations and just be happy, as being happy doing something is surely far better than being good at something…

Apologies for the ramble.. remember you are already ace x

Check out Derren Brown’s book “Happy”

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm going to say something and it's meant in as nice a way as possible. The vast majority of people are average, destined to never particularly excel in one area. Actually, not average, just normal.

I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed academically and for what? How many people actually give a rat's arse about my academic achievements? Very, very few. I ended up having to constantly do better, spend more time studying and it's daft.

Sure it can give you a slight smug feeling of self righteous satisfaction but find things that bring you genuine happy. Real content feelings.

Don't put pressure on yourself to excel, try and frame it as you can be the best you possible. That's something you can excel at OP."

I get it girl!! I just don’t understand this somewhat “toxic” way of thinking I guess x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sometimes feel I'm well below average when I compare myself to others - whether real life or here on fab.

I think today's world of social media and always on culture, has a part to blame. You instantly get bombarded with what others are doing or what they look like etc - it's hard for self doubt not to creep in

I try and rise above telling myself I'm above average - not in a arrogant way though - more for self esteem

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I watched a really good talk recently which pretty much described how you’re feeling. I’ve always tried to live my life through two different lenses, if I can change or effect something then it’s worth focusing on.. if it’s something that I can’t control, like the weather then it’s not worth thinking about..

Life goals and positive change come from our own level of expectation, in my case I was an average professional footballer, my expectations of what I should be meant that my mindset was always negative because I knew I wasn’t elite enough to make it.

So I learned to lower my expectations and effect my change.. it’s what “you” believe you can do and not what society dictates you must.. losing the social media helps lower the expectations and just be happy, as being happy doing something is surely far better than being good at something…

Apologies for the ramble.. remember you are already ace x

Check out Derren Brown’s book “Happy”"

Thanks !! This is really helpful, I totally

Can relate on what you said especially when you mentioned the negative mind set that you get because of expectations of what u should be. (Or meant to be)

But you are right of trying to be happy with the things we enjoy doing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish I had answer for you OP, because if I did I’d be able to tell it to myself too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I wish I had answer for you OP, because if I did I’d be able to tell it to myself too."

Hugsss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I wish I had answer for you OP, because if I did I’d be able to tell it to myself too.

Hugsss "

Back at ya x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know what advice to give... but I completely relate to how you're feeling, you're not alone Kylie.

I don't know what people see in me. I never ever feel good enough, interesting enough or smart enough and don't get me started on my appearance.

I'm always doubting myself in every aspect of life. I think the only thing I'm good at is being a mum, but even then I always feel like I could do so much more. I just feel like I'm nothing almost.

It's something that I'm starting to accept and just deal with as time goes on, but yeah, it's a shit feeling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a great question and a great conversational thread and something I am happy to go deeper into with anyone via DM because it can get very personal.

What you are describing OP is not a fear. A fear or failure or success but a lack of fulfilment.

Society leads us to believe that we need to be successful etc. If you don’t measure up to this perceived level it can leave you feeling like you have failed when the truth is you haven’t failed.

When you find your dharma or purpose in life use that to become fulfilled and the rest won’t matter

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't know what advice to give... but I completely relate to how you're feeling, you're not alone Kylie.

I don't know what people see in me. I never ever feel good enough, interesting enough or smart enough and don't get me started on my appearance.

I'm always doubting myself in every aspect of life. I think the only thing I'm good at is being a mum, but even then I always feel like I could do so much more. I just feel like I'm nothing almost.

It's something that I'm starting to accept and just deal with as time goes on, but yeah, it's a shit feeling. "

I resonate with what you say. And you said it right is the … not enough feeling.

I do wonder if we do have it hard on us a lot and if its a bit of a distorted lens we put on us. But its damn fucking difficult when you believe it and its damn fucking scary

Again, I repeat I wish I was born stupid so probably I’d not have half of the problems I create in my own head xxx mmmm

That I excel on…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are you. Unique, one of a kind, there is nobody like you on the planet anywhere so that makes you pretty exceptional in my opinion

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

I think it’s something we all need to accept. It’s a sobering thought to realise how truly average we are. I’ll never be extremely rich or successful, I’ll never be extremely attractive it desirable, I’ll always be looked over.

Some of that you can control, some of that you can. But I think part of life is realising and accepting that there’s has been billions of humans that have lived and died with zero noteworthyness. Just another cog in an endless meat machine. It’s ok to be another cog

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You are you. Unique, one of a kind, there is nobody like you on the planet anywhere so that makes you pretty exceptional in my opinion "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think it’s something we all need to accept. It’s a sobering thought to realise how truly average we are. I’ll never be extremely rich or successful, I’ll never be extremely attractive it desirable, I’ll always be looked over.

Some of that you can control, some of that you can. But I think part of life is realising and accepting that there’s has been billions of humans that have lived and died with zero noteworthyness. Just another cog in an endless meat machine. It’s ok to be another cog"

Reading this makes me wanna go grab a rope ….

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"I don’t measure myself against others, I don’t think I’m unique but my adult life has been so far from normal I can’t compare myself to others, there’s guys on here with amazing physiques and I don’t feel threatened or the need to be measured against them. I’m me, and I’m more than happy getting to where I want to be without looking at others and feeling I need to change.

I do look at guys and think wow, he looks great, or wow he carries a suit so well. I can compliment without feeling that doing so makes me feel less, I’m confident in myself and for me that’s a huge positive "

You can appreciate what or who someone is without having to compare or judge yourself against them. The only real competitor we have is ourselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think it’s something we all need to accept. It’s a sobering thought to realise how truly average we are. I’ll never be extremely rich or successful, I’ll never be extremely attractive it desirable, I’ll always be looked over.

Some of that you can control, some of that you can. But I think part of life is realising and accepting that there’s has been billions of humans that have lived and died with zero noteworthyness. Just another cog in an endless meat machine. It’s ok to be another cog

Reading this makes me wanna go grab a rope …. "

It's a pretty miserable way to view life. Actually it reminds me of my mum as she used to say "you're only put on this planet for one thing, to die."

But no, you might never be the most attractive or the most successful, but one thing that is true is that we are all unique in our own way.

From what I see of you Kylie, you're so kind and fun and chilled out, and that's something in itself.

You know, at the end of the people who matter will look back and think of you fondly I'm sure, they will be happy they had someone like you who made their life that little bit better, whether that's a friend or a sister or even a pet doggo. And I guess in the end, that's the kind of thing that really matters. And that's why as I'm getting older, I'm starting to just accept who I am, because being good looking or being rich and smart really isn't what life is about.

As I said earlier, it is a shit feeling and it is difficult, but I don't think we give ourselves enough credit sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think it’s something we all need to accept. It’s a sobering thought to realise how truly average we are. I’ll never be extremely rich or successful, I’ll never be extremely attractive it desirable, I’ll always be looked over.

Some of that you can control, some of that you can. But I think part of life is realising and accepting that there’s has been billions of humans that have lived and died with zero noteworthyness. Just another cog in an endless meat machine. It’s ok to be another cog

Reading this makes me wanna go grab a rope ….

It's a pretty miserable way to view life. Actually it reminds me of my mum as she used to say "you're only put on this planet for one thing, to die."

But no, you might never be the most attractive or the most successful, but one thing that is true is that we are all unique in our own way.

From what I see of you Kylie, you're so kind and fun and chilled out, and that's something in itself.

You know, at the end of the people who matter will look back and think of you fondly I'm sure, they will be happy they had someone like you who made their life that little bit better, whether that's a friend or a sister or even a pet doggo. And I guess in the end, that's the kind of thing that really matters. And that's why as I'm getting older, I'm starting to just accept who I am, because being good looking or being rich and smart really isn't what life is about.

As I said earlier, it is a shit feeling and it is difficult, but I don't think we give ourselves enough credit sometimes. "

What lbc said, this says it really well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Awww hugs

Don’t ever think that your brilliant and beautiful

And wonderful also if you do think off your self as mediocre

Take it from someone who’s at the top I would rather be mediocre

The pressure off being at the top is a lot one and everyone in the field is just waiting on that one slip to head hunt you and take that troffy home for the mantil peace

I find I just can’t chill or have fun and to resort to hiden just to have a little fun and not worry about head hunting when I just want to chill and relax

So the grass isn’t always greener on the other side

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think it’s something we all need to accept. It’s a sobering thought to realise how truly average we are. I’ll never be extremely rich or successful, I’ll never be extremely attractive it desirable, I’ll always be looked over.

Some of that you can control, some of that you can. But I think part of life is realising and accepting that there’s has been billions of humans that have lived and died with zero noteworthyness. Just another cog in an endless meat machine. It’s ok to be another cog

Reading this makes me wanna go grab a rope ….

It's a pretty miserable way to view life. Actually it reminds me of my mum as she used to say "you're only put on this planet for one thing, to die."

But no, you might never be the most attractive or the most successful, but one thing that is true is that we are all unique in our own way.

From what I see of you Kylie, you're so kind and fun and chilled out, and that's something in itself.

You know, at the end of the people who matter will look back and think of you fondly I'm sure, they will be happy they had someone like you who made their life that little bit better, whether that's a friend or a sister or even a pet doggo. And I guess in the end, that's the kind of thing that really matters. And that's why as I'm getting older, I'm starting to just accept who I am, because being good looking or being rich and smart really isn't what life is about.

As I said earlier, it is a shit feeling and it is difficult, but I don't think we give ourselves enough credit sometimes. "

Thanks !! I enjoyed reading this x

And it’s the problem of someone like me xx like I am fun and outgoing but also got quite some depth about me and I guess this depth is what makes me think a lot.

I don’t know if I’m struggling cos I wish I knew I was truly amazing at something (apart from giving out wicked bjs ) and refine it all my life ( a sign please god) till the day I die

Instead I’ve done a few things (mind you with some achievement) but there’s little satisfaction about myself .. I am pretty sure If I watched it from my eyes and it’s someone I didn’t know I’d think different of that person. (In a positive way)

Am I talking nonsense???

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I swear I sound like a girl doing pot, talking jibberish and wondering what the meaning of life is

I promise I’m not doing any

I just feel like I can open up here and talk about anything that comes to my mind with u people x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I swear I sound like a girl doing pot, talking jibberish and wondering what the meaning of life is

I promise I’m not doing any

I just feel like I can open up here and talk about anything that comes to my mind with u people x"

It can be a good way if processing sometimes can’t it, plus reading other people’s thoughts on things can help.

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

It helps to recalibrate our notions of success. For example, if you subscribe wholeheartedly to the (social) media criteria that pervades our society than mediocrity is the fate of all of us. Internalising other people's expectations and trying to live up to them is a good guarantee of unhappiness.

I prefer the Bob Dylan definition:

"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and, in between, he does what he wants to do."

I'm sure it applies equally across the gender spectrum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't offer any words of real value, however I just thought I'd say I like contrapoints too..

And hbomberguy,..his youtube content is super impressive/intelligent also.

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