FabSwingers.com forum: Drawn to...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

Do you find that there are certain attributes/personality traits you're drawn to in terms of relationships (whether that's friendship, sexual, work based)? Are they a reflection of how you think you are or would like to be? Are the people who you initially are but soon discover you're not compatible with? Do you think that your confirmation bias can result in you not engaging with some because you don't perceive them to have those traits?

I'm not particularly interested in those you're not drawn to, I'd rather focus on the positives as I'm curious about self perception, projection and I got drenched waddling so need some good old fashioned navel gazing.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

Jeez Meli my head hurts

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Jeez Meli my head hurts

Apologies Pink, I was trying to condense it down but thought screw it. Maybe I should have asked "Do you like people like you?".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apparently I’m drawn to arseholes and c*nts …. Seem to cherry pick them too somehow

But hey, at least they are very pretty to look at and with big dicks too

(Fuck my life)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fun, caring, and full of confidence is such a turn on. So confidence in themselves so they’ll lift others around them, because they don’t feel threatened and enjoy seeing others smile.

So yeah I think a lot like me. I don’t like negative traits in people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you find that there are certain attributes/personality traits you're drawn to in terms of relationships (whether that's friendship, sexual, work based)? Are they a reflection of how you think you are or would like to be? Are the people who you initially are but soon discover you're not compatible with? Do you think that your confirmation bias can result in you not engaging with some because you don't perceive them to have those traits?

Wow think I need to lie down again lol

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Most of my friends I've made since school. Have certain attributes in common, they're generally thinkers and debaters. I enjoy getting my brains cogs whirring. I'm also drawn to those who don't conform to the social norms and are more free spirited. And this is more because it's something I wish I was more confident to be myself.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

One quality I'm drawn to that tends to make me in equal parts happy and unhappy are intense, passionate people. They can be so exhilarating.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

Good god… I think I need more coffee!!!

I have a wide variety of people in my wider circle, humans fascinate me from a distance, and I enjoy small doses of variety.. however… the ones I’m totally drawn to are the dry, dark and blunt folk. These people will usually get closer to me because I’m more comfortable with straight talkers, even if it is sometimes uncomfortable to hear. They’re also usually low maintenance on keeping in touch as I’m crap at constant talking. I like people who are what they say on the tin. No frills required.

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By *obbychickWoman
over a year ago

Essex

That’s a brilliant question Meli.

I’ve always gone for the same types as in traits.

I find intelligent men a who turn on but they have to have a humour too them.

Sadly the idiots are the ones I usually fall for

With a touch of arrogance to them.

It’s something that I’ve always said I won’t go for the next time but I seem to always fall back into the same cycle.

Not sure how to even get myself out of it.

I’ve found a lot of men on here quite flakey

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

Yeah I definitely have a type when it comes to friendships. I like those that you don’t have to be in each other’s pockets yet you can rely on each other. I’m not a fan of ppl that are competitive about everything it grinds my piss. I don’t give a flying fig how much they spent on their new whatever. I like kind and caring ppl. Intelligence is a massive thing for me too. I don’t like swearing that’s a no no in general conversation. I don’t drink or smoke. None of my friends smoke and those that drink don’t get d*unk. Yeah I’m fussy and that’s just the tip of the iceberg

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm drawn mainly to folks who have something to say, confidence but not all about them. Folks who have an awareness of other people of around them and are bias to inclusion rather than exclusion

Physical, generally women who I consider to have attractive facial features. Eyes , smile lips - bit goes beyond that - their expressions etc.

Not sure if any of that made sense

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"Jeez Meli my head hurts

Apologies Pink, I was trying to condense it down but thought screw it. Maybe I should have asked "Do you like people like you?".

Short answer YES

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By *ormorantMan
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Instinct and life experience gives a certain bias to us all in our decision making…

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Tend to be drawn to those the polar opposite to me, I'm quite quiet and shy around people if I don't know them, I tend to be drawn to confident outgoing people who can make conversation and pull me out of my shell

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

My human satellites are calm, peaceful, non-confrontational, cheerful and easy-going.

There's one exception to this; my sister. She can be a little worrisome at times as she makes a mountain out of a molehill.

I don't mind that from her though.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"My human satellites are calm, peaceful, non-confrontational, cheerful and easy-going.

There's one exception to this; my sister. She can be a little worrisome at times as she makes a mountain out of a molehill.

I don't mind that from her though."

I'm drawn to people like me.

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By *lenderfoxMan
over a year ago

Leeds

I'm often drawn to people who are a bit different, intelligent and enjoy dry humour

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Most of my friends I've made since school. Have certain attributes in common, they're generally thinkers and debaters. I enjoy getting my brains cogs whirring. I'm also drawn to those who don't conform to the social norms and are more free spirited. And this is more because it's something I wish I was more confident to be myself.

Thanks Frida for replying, I was curious if others have friends who possess certain traits and wish they were more confident in it. You should start being more confident to not conform, it's not as simple as that (obviously) but you have a lot to be confident about.

Some of my friends are very concise and blunt and I admire that because I'm prone to waffling oft.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Good god… I think I need more coffee!!!

Ha! Cheeky mare, your response was almost as long as my post.

Ronseal friends are a lot less head fucky and confusing aren't they?

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By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

I like to be seen as having a good sense of humour, and I'm drawn to people that have what I think is a good sense of humour.

Does that answer your question Meli?

Gbat

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"Good god… I think I need more coffee!!!

Ha! Cheeky mare, your response was almost as long as my post.

Ronseal friends are a lot less head fucky and confusing aren't they? "

Literally type as I think so sometimes it just doesn’t stop.. or make sense…

I’m a simple creature with a quiet life. I want folk around me who won’t change that. It works

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are probably certain things (characteristics, not possesions) I would like a person to have if I was after a longer term thing with them, and might lose interest if I didnt perceive they were there. It's just the things that fire you up and mean you will get on and have things to talk about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i like people i can laugh with and dont feel awkward around i aint super clever or super good looking or super wealthy so would feel a bit of out place if i didnt feel on the same page as them so yeah prob people like me

for a one off shag as long as they are clean and i fancy then thats all i need haha

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Some of my friends are very concise and blunt and I admire that because I'm prone to waffling oft.

Haha I'm too much of a control freak to be so free spirited. But it's good to have friends who balance out some of your personality

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a really hard thing to define. What am I attracted to?

A look in a person's eye. A laugh at a comment that shows they got the subliminal dirty means. Boobs. A quick wit. An appreciation for a cutting comment. A challenging stare.

But how do I describe these things clearly? Idk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found 'the one' by opening up my own preconceptions of what both a partner and a relationship should look like

Convention tells us... opposite sex, similar age group, similar outlook, shared values, shared interests, monogamy

I tried all that and none of it worked

My life turned around because I said 'fuck convention, this one makes me happy' and jumped in the puddle with both feet without wellies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are certain traits that I'm drawn to in any relationship, personal or professional, such as compassion, humour and integrity. These are qualities I think I admire rather than because I might possess them which isn't for me to say.

In sexual and romantic relations I definitely look or am attracted to personality types which are quite different to me in ways I can't always define. I like that spark that comes when two distinct people connect in an intimate way. Not conflict, I hate drama, but just the interesting things that happen when those differences get close up and personal.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm thinking about my friends and I'd say they're all quite different to me in personality and character traits. I was initially drawn to various aspects of their personality, sense of humour for one, resourcefulness for another etc

I find myself drawn to extremely intelligent and well read women in the public eye like Mary Beardsley, Alice Roberts, Lucy Worsley. I most definitely name not like them.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Another really great thread, OP!

I think we are drawn to both, "same as well as "opposite" for different reasons. The reasons are another story for a different thread maybe.

Personally, I seek "opposite" in terms of somebody calmer, more patient than myself.

Re the "same": I am drawn to positive and genuinely warm people who overcome obstacles, are able to bootstrap, find a funny side in most situations, are kind, grateful and appreciate humanity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I found 'the one' by opening up my own preconceptions of what both a partner and a relationship should look like

Convention tells us... opposite sex, similar age group, similar outlook, shared values, shared interests, monogamy

I tried all that and none of it worked

My life turned around because I said 'fuck convention, this one makes me happy' and jumped in the puddle with both feet without wellies"

and I feel that the lyrics in this songs are pretty much perfectly written to describe the situation I (and others like me) put myself in and the almost sense of relief when you realise something is working out

https://youtu.be/0m2BT-aDBxU

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I like traits that are the same and opposite to mine, or that I like fullstop. It does limit me somewhat.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"That’s a brilliant question Meli.

I’ve always gone for the same types as in traits.

I find intelligent men a who turn on but they have to have a humour too them.

Sadly the idiots are the ones I usually fall for

With a touch of arrogance to them.

It’s something that I’ve always said I won’t go for the next time but I seem to always fall back into the same cycle.

Not sure how to even get myself out of it.

I’ve found a lot of men on here quite flakey "

Thank you Gobby! It's a difficult cycle to get out of isn't it? You know deep down it's not healthy for you but you still go back. Start loving yourself more and not allowing things/people in to your life that won't enrich it. Even if your quim is saying they would be good for you, you know they aren't. Intelligent men with a modicum of arrogance are my catnip so I know this well.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

Ooh, I'm drawn to different people for different reasons. I love people outgoing & social, like me. Even though we fight to be heard!

But also have calmer friends, with more modified behaviour.

I guess they'd have to be emotionally open, though. No repressed feelings.

Oh, and they need to be demonstrative. Or at least not mind me hugging and touching them.

Not all people are fans of this, so I've found x

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

I think I'm drawn to people like me. I like to laugh, have interesting conversations and do new things.

I've a wide variety of friends though from reserved to quite off the wall. The main thing is they're generally good people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very much so. I have spent quite a considerable amount of time working on myself, self-worth, value, validation and as a result I have oodles of confidence in myself. And no that’s not the same as arrogance.

This has resulted in being attractive to profile who also have the same confidence in themselves in being who they are regardless of what other people think.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I'm drawn mainly to folks who have something to say, confidence but not all about them. Folks who have an awareness of other people of around them and are bias to inclusion rather than exclusion

Physical, generally women who I consider to have attractive facial features. Eyes , smile lips - bit goes beyond that - their expressions etc.

Not sure if any of that made sense "

It made perfect sense - I particularly loved bias to inclusion. We all have times where we're exclusive but those who are bias to inclusion for the most part are good eggs.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I am drawn to people like me , although I'm aware that I think I'm like what I think i'm like and that they think i'm the same as they think I am and I hope they think that i'm like them as I chose to be with them because of what they are like which is like me !

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Definitely , I’m drawn to generous, forgiving, quirky, free thinkers. Point taken about not focusing on negatives BUT my experience , confirmation bias or whatever has taught me I really dislike cynics ,rule followers, people who don’t trust until it’s earned , people who take pleasure in revenge etc , so the moment I sense any of that I’m distancing and avoiding because it’s contagious, be it work colleagues

, extended family, friends etc

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By *yrdsisWoman
over a year ago

Gleam Street

Yes...I'm drawn to certain people.. I clarify it on my profile

I still get folk who want to argue with it... even though I married what was specified on my p

Cracks me up every time x

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"My human satellites are calm, peaceful, non-confrontational, cheerful and easy-going.

There's one exception to this; my sister. She can be a little worrisome at times as she makes a mountain out of a molehill.

I don't mind that from her though."

Human satellites

I'm definitely borrowing that, I hope that's okay! Being your sister it's a bit easier to accept that sort of thing from?

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I like to be seen as having a good sense of humour, and I'm drawn to people that have what I think is a good sense of humour.

Does that answer your question Meli?

Gbat "

It does Gbat, thank you! I got distracted by talking to a friend for some time and sort of left the thread. Not that it needs to be attended. Anyway, it is about what we see as being good humour/kind/nice whatever isn't it? Someone else might not agree with it but as long as it matches our view, that's all that is needed.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

About time you stared a thread

Meli

Im Strangely drawn to humour xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm drawn to ladies with good judge of character skills, unfortunately..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer people who are easier going than me, cause then I get pulled into their vortex and get carried along, I can’t be with people who are heavy going, it’s like treading in treacle. I also can’t be with someone funnier than me, that will never do, but slightly more intelligent and refined than me is fine.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I found 'the one' by opening up my own preconceptions of what both a partner and a relationship should look like

Convention tells us... opposite sex, similar age group, similar outlook, shared values, shared interests, monogamy

I tried all that and none of it worked

My life turned around because I said 'fuck convention, this one makes me happy' and jumped in the puddle with both feet without wellies

https://youtu.be/0m2BT-aDBxU"

This song always makes me a bit teary eyed. Thank you Bussy for such a lovely post; you're right, sometimes you just need to go for it and enjoy that puddle without worrying what others think.

I genuinely hope your relationship continues to bring you the love you have.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

Good question Melster

I think I am drawn to certain traits in general. Thinking about my close friends, most of them are as laid back as me...I can't be doing with drama llamas or people prone to histrionics, I get annoyed at them and then they sulk

I also like intelligent people...I'm not talking Einstein levels of brain power, but I like people that can have conversations about many different things, and if they will partake in debates just for the fun of debating then I know we'll be friends. And humour...if they can follow the dark, twisted routes that my mind often takes then they're my kind of person, but I also like people that can just be silly, and understand why I'm snort-laughing at song lyrics. And I adore positive people...people like me that can find something to smile about every single day, and get pure joy from something as simple as kicking autumn leaves when out for a walk.

And all of the above probably explains why I generally like dogs more than humans

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Another really great thread, OP!

I think we are drawn to both, "same as well as "opposite" for different reasons. The reasons are another story for a different thread maybe.

Personally, I seek "opposite" in terms of somebody calmer, more patient than myself.

Re the "same": I am drawn to positive and genuinely warm people who overcome obstacles, are able to bootstrap, find a funny side in most situations, are kind, grateful and appreciate humanity.

I find the reasons fascinating - how we perceive others, why we do and what draws us? I like the idea of both - I can identify, as others have in the thread, certain characteristics that I like to think I possess or know I do. I also know that some opposites draw me in, it helps balance me.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"About time you stared a thread

Meli

Im Strangely drawn to humour xx"

Aww thanks Yasmeen! I've done a few in my time but after my fail of a time for parkrun I thought I'd seek solace in the thoughts of others. It's better than macaroni cheese!

It also reminded me how valuable my relationships are, I was able to tell some one earlier that I missed them because I realised how much I value our similarities and differences.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Good question Melster

And all of the above probably explains why I generally like dogs more than humans

Melster is glorious, keeping that for a long time!

Dogs are generally better than humans aren't they? I'm seriously considering one at the moment!

You're definitely not one for drama llamas and as much as that attracts you to others, you being that way attracts others to you. Likeminded souls.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I seem to be drawn to the unusual. Creative types, people living alternative lifestyles, living off the grid or making their living in unusual ways.

I am very basic. I work an office job which I adore but I accept is generic. I am resolutely uncreative, unartistic. I sometimes struggle to get a work life balance.

I live a small, unimaginative life and I value someone who doesn't, who can broaden my horizons and challenge my narrow viewpoint.

I need someone to have passions. Doesn't necessarily need to be their job (much of the time the people I'm drawn to prioritise other things than work), but I value someone who is driven and determined, as I am.

I need someone to value fairness and equality, to share my values. I'd find it really tough to spend a huge amount of time around someone who is very right wing, for example.

TL;DR - I look for a mix of sharing my core values but perhaps living them in a quite different fashion.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

I’m drawn to people who genuinely care, putting themselves on the line for others, and are infinitely fascinated and curious about people and see a sparkle in others they don’t always see in themselves. Is that how I am too? I don’t know, I don’t have the insight to really judge. I hope so though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m drawn to people who genuinely care, putting themselves on the line for others, and are infinitely fascinated and curious about people and see a sparkle in others they don’t always see in themselves. Is that how I am too? I don’t know, I don’t have the insight to really judge. I hope so though."

I think you are extremely insightful Stelly

What was it you were saying about seeing a sparkle in others that they don't see in themselves?

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By *KloganMan
over a year ago

Ramsbottom

I’m an empath so I usually find that I absorb conversation with interest and always turn to support others but that also has issues in that it can draw in the emotional vampires at times.

I’m also a Scorpio, so I’m deeply passionate about every fucking thing and it becomes hard to not be drawn towards the more lively people in the crowd…

It’s hard work bring me at times

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I'm not particularly interested in those you're not drawn to, "

Tough, that's what everyone is telling you

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I can be drawn to certain things yes, though I do not believe it is a reflection of how I think about myself, or how I might want to be.

Some people do turn out to be not what they seemed initially.

No definitely not. because one thing that can draw me to a person is there total difference to everyone/everything I know

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

I'm drawn to what seem like hopeless cases and fight hopeless battles. Hot hero or have need of aggrandising, here today and forgotten tomorrow.

Drawn to people who are themselves and not faux, not pretentious. Someone who will bring a sick animal into her care and warmth, who is just as comfortable with mud on her face/hair and peeing in a hole in the ground as in an evening dress at a gala dinner.

Simple pleasures as sitting on a cliff top on a warm evening watching the sun go down

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I like people who are extrovert, because I'm introvert. I can bounce off them.

Generally I like people I have something in common with, other single parents, cat lovers, plant people, then you've always got something to talk about.

And people who have the same love language, I like to do things for people, buy little gifts, or send a photo/meme, something in every day life that makes me think of them. I love it when someone does that for me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm drawn to easy going people. I don't suffer fools and can't cope with drama. Yep. I'm drawn to people like me.

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

Yes, I look for a lot of the same traits but some have to be complementary. We're better together if we are not rubbish at the same things.

I am extremely quick at deciding if someone is my type or not. I'm sure I get it wrong a lot, too.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"About time you stared a thread

Meli

Im Strangely drawn to humour xx

Aww thanks Yasmeen! I've done a few in my time but after my fail of a time for parkrun I thought I'd seek solace in the thoughts of others. It's better than macaroni cheese!

It also reminded me how valuable my relationships are, I was able to tell some one earlier that I missed them because I realised how much I value our similarities and differences."

Xxx

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

I think you are extremely insightful Stelly

What was it you were saying about seeing a sparkle in others that they don't see in themselves?

Thanks Bussy x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello frizz.

Good question.

In many ways there are certain traits I’m drawn to but it can almost always be overridden if on getting to know them they display any one of the traits I can’t overlook.

Self awareness, a general considerate nature and positivity are all very important qualities to me.

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By *aturegentdurhamMan
over a year ago

Stanley

Mature dominant ladies

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

Hello frizz.

Good question.

In many ways there are certain traits I’m drawn to but it can almost always be overridden if on getting to know them they display any one of the traits I can’t overlook.

Self awareness, a general considerate nature and positivity are all very important qualities to me."

Thank you associate.

I appreciate the time taken to read the waffling.

Do you think that you have a considerate nature and are quite self aware or are they things you strive to be?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you associate.

I appreciate the time taken to read the waffling.

Do you think that you have a considerate nature and are quite self aware or are they things you strive to be? "

I do try my best to be considerate and I’d be surprised if anyone that knows me well thought differently but I can appreciate there could be a chance they might.

I’m very self aware.

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Difficult but as we like to chat and get to know those we play with I guess we are always looking for those who have similar interests and lifestyles to us.

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