FabSwingers.com forum: Favourite insults/quips?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm going for the good old fashioned 'you smell like poo'

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I'm glad you think highly of yourself. Someone has to"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck off, cockwomble!

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

[Removed by poster at 21/08/21 10:50:18]

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By *aturegentdurhamMan
over a year ago

Stanley

Best one i heard was from my Boss he had been cut up by a boy racer. But ended up parked next to him in a car park.

Boss got out boy racer got out. boss said to boy racer "hope your not that fast in bed or your girlfriend wouldn't be happy"

Boy racer went bright red his girlfriend who had get out other side was killing her self laughing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Best one i heard was from my Boss he had been cut up by a boy racer. But ended up parked next to him in a car park.

Boss got out boy racer got out. boss said to boy racer "hope your not that fast in bed or your girlfriend wouldn't be happy"

Boy racer went bright red his girlfriend who had get out other side was killing her self laughing.

Brilliant!!! Your boss is an absolute boss

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

Get knotted

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Everybody hates you! You must know that from school.

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

When he was born the Midwife slapped his Mom.

She's got teeth like piano keys.

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By *ormorantMan
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

It’s a battle of wits and your unarmed..

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By *icknmix500Man
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire

That's a lovely new Jacket Brian

Pity they didn't have your size

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By *icknmix500Man
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire

At a cocktail party a very cocky Argentine playboy made a comment trying to impress two Brit girl's

My Reply

The last time i was this close to a ARGIE he was on the end of my Bayonet !

He left the Party

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

I'd rather shit on my hands and clap

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By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

"Let me explain this in simpler terms, so that you get a better understanding of the argument."

Gbat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You must be a circle because there’s no point to you.

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By *ustamanMan
over a year ago

weymouth

If you had an IQ one point higher you'd be a cabbage

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

" At a cocktail party a very cocky Argentine playboy made a comment trying to impress two Brit girl's

My Reply

The last time i was this close to a ARGIE he was on the end of my Bayonet !

He left the Party"

I’m not surprised. Way over the top imo!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

""Let me explain this in simpler terms, so that you get a better understanding of the argument."

Gbat "

I neither have the time nor the crayons to explain to you

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By *icknmix500Man
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire

Not really as he was a Drug dealer and criminal who if he ever returns to the UK will get Ten years porridge

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By *icknmix500Man
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire

If Wit was Shit you would be Constipated

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

Are you talking to me or chewing a brick cause either way you'll lose teeth

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By *ustLooking123499Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

I was discussing this the other day with my teenager. We heard someone behind us call someone else a twit. It’s a very underused classic.

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By *lasphemouscoupleCouple
over a year ago

Cambridgeshire

I refuse to enter a battle of wits with someone so clearly unarmed

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By *eyondhornyMan
over a year ago

Abercynon-ish

Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Numpty.

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By *eo_72Man
over a year ago

Mansfield

You have a face that’s perfect for Radio

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're a talentless bastard.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

How long did it take you to build that little world you live in?

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

Your organs a bit small.

Well i didn't know I'd be playing in a church!

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By *yronMan
over a year ago

grangemouth

"I'd write it down for you to understand, but the last time that I tried that, you ate the crayons"

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By *yronMan
over a year ago

grangemouth

" At a cocktail party a very cocky Argentine playboy made a comment trying to impress two Brit girl's

My Reply

The last time i was this close to a ARGIE he was on the end of my Bayonet !

He left the Party

I’m not surprised. Way over the top imo!

Agreed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knobjockey

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By *ud and BryanCouple
over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

darling your so ugly when you walk in town even the sewers back up

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By *umblefunMan
over a year ago

London/ South East

On your bike you witch!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If breathing wasn't a natural bodily function, you'd be fucked"

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

Whenever someone’s quite boring

“It’s like talking to a bit of snot in a jar”

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

You fucking twat.

Mrs TMN

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By *opinovMan
over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

"I'm sorry you were unable to understand my simple instructions... perhaps you'd like me to draw you a diagram."

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By *ud and BryanCouple
over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

When idiots call us freaks or weirdos, Dave usually calls them virgins!

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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago

Solihull and Brentwood

Years ago I was working in an off licence for my sins and a group of teenage guys walked in and started giving me lip, regarding proof of identity.

Soon got fed up of their excuses and wanted them out. So, when my "Can you go please and annoy another shop keeper other than me," went straight over their heads. I followed it up with "You lot are the best advert for condoms, I've ever seen." Which suprisingly also went straight over their heads.

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

A friend used to be a bouncer. One night while chatting to him he refused some wannabe hardman entry to said club.

The fella said "do you know who my dad is?"

Quick as a shot my friend retorted "mate you don't even know who your dad is."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I neither have the time nor the crayons to explain to you"

Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner! (cue applause)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't be a dickhead all your life, have a day off.

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By *lymanMan
over a year ago

PLYMOUTH

Go take your head for a shit

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By *bboredguyMan
over a year ago

Dundee

You're so full of shit if I gave you an enema there would be nothing left

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By *urvyBi-84Man
over a year ago

Lancs

Some of my favourites are from Groucho Marx:

“Next time I see you, remind me not to speak to you.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception!”

“You haven’t stopped talking since I got here, you must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle!”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd have farted.

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By *havennaturistsCouple
over a year ago

Banff

Same asshole, different face.

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

Your ma's an operator

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best part of you ran down your mums leg

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By *eardybobMan
over a year ago

the Goldilocks Zone

Few offerings from NI:

Away and bate yourself...

Shut yer bake ya wee ballix / clampet / ballbag / scrote...

Shut yer yap...

That wee spide sickens ma pish...

She's a scowl that'd turn milk /

face that'd rot a potato...

Aye - Yer ma...

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

"Few offerings from NI:

Away and bate yourself...

Shut yer bake ya wee ballix / clampet / ballbag / scrote...

Shut yer yap...

That wee spide sickens ma pish...

She's a scowl that'd turn milk /

face that'd rot a potato...

Aye - Yer ma...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There’s no cure for being a cunt

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By *uck-Me-Hard-Scotland-M2MMan
over a year ago

Barnhill (outside Dundee)

My absolute favourite from a gay bar (don't let that put off the str8 guys) was

Person A: Are you losing weight?

Person B: yea, I'm fading away

Barman: To WHAT? A bouncy castle?

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By *ushandkittyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

You're a cunt!!!

Cunts are useful

Not ones as big as you!!!!!

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By *aviniaCDTV/TS
over a year ago

Leeds (close to GAP)

Oooh, it's just like a cock..... Only smaller...

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By *aviniaCDTV/TS
over a year ago

Leeds (close to GAP)

Poops sorry, now youve got cum on one of your chins...

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

I think it's one of the "Comic Strip Ones" - Dawn French under a Table with Nigel plainer. I'm paraphrasing here....

"Why don't you shut your mouth and let your arse do the talking!?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sorry, but I refuse to enter a battle of wits with someone who is unarmed

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By *lenderfoxMan
over a year ago

Leeds

Once gave someone the nickname Bungalow as he had nothing upstairs

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