FabSwingers.com forum: Mental health issues

By *amwlf OP Man
over a year ago

hull

So this will be controversial. I'm been on here over a year. Feel like a fish out of water tbh. High sex drive but dont conform to the norm on here it appears. I'm a regular guy with a high sex drive. I am respectful and polite. Not overly sensitive. But this place is brutal. No better word for it. I'm no brad Pitt I confess. But the way people treat others is unreal. I know this wont go down well. But I stand by it. And tbh. Rightly or wrongly.. it gets to tou. Yep I know it all. It's a swingers site. Leave emotion and feeling at the door. Is that what everyone wants. I'm on dating sites.m as I am after a relationship too. Is that sin? They are bad. But this place eclipses them all I how people can treat others. Maybe it's my fault. Too sensitive etc etc. But I wouldnt talk or treat others as some do. So.much on here is said about respect for others. But not a lot of respect goes to s stranger politely nd genuinely

wanting to meet others

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Hello hope your ok have you been treated badly if so they don't deserve to meet you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to check...are you saying that your mental health is being affected because nobody will have sex with you?

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

What's bad how is this affecting you

You seem like a great guy

You will attract people that want to meet you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just to check...are you saying that your mental health is being affected because nobody will have sex with you?"

Has he said that? No

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By *amwlf OP Man
over a year ago

hull

Noooo. Not at all. I'm not that precious. Just the way people treat people. Dating sites can be brutal. But nothing in compassion to this place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So this will be controversial. I'm been on here over a year. Feel like a fish out of water tbh. High sex drive but dont conform to the norm on here it appears. I'm a regular guy with a high sex drive. I am respectful and polite. Not overly sensitive. But this place is brutal. No better word for it. I'm no brad Pitt I confess. But the way people treat others is unreal. I know this wont go down well. But I stand by it. And tbh. Rightly or wrongly.. it gets to tou. Yep I know it all. It's a swingers site. Leave emotion and feeling at the door. Is that what everyone wants. I'm on dating sites.m as I am after a relationship too. Is that sin? They are bad. But this place eclipses them all I how people can treat others. Maybe it's my fault. Too sensitive etc etc. But I wouldnt talk or treat others as some do. So.much on here is said about respect for others. But not a lot of respect goes to s stranger politely nd genuinely

wanting to meet others"

You don't have to conform to anyone's ideals but your own.

Hang around the forums, get to know people. You do Fab your way, be genuine and you will get there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First of all, it's not controversial if that's how you feel.

From me own experience most folks on the forums are lovely folks who are inclusive of others, I would urge you to join in if you haven't already. Chat to folks ok the forums and take it easy with out any expectation.

Outside of the forums I agree things can be more brutal - part of it is folks can hide behind a online identity, but other part is most women (and making the assumption you looking for women) get a tonne of messages everyday - and they need to be brutal just to stay on top of it. I'm not saying that's an excuse but just providing some context.

Now if folks are going out of thier way to hurt you or belittle you, my as advise is to report it, and stand up to any bullies that might be lurking these parts.

But like I said before, best way to be is to sit back and take it easy, join in with the forums and let things materialize naturally.

Hope that helps - and sorry you feel the way you do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just to check...are you saying that your mental health is being affected because nobody will have sex with you?"

I didn't read the OP's comments that way.

It was more a general concern about how people can be dismissive and brutal to other people on here. Though that's a fact for much of social media.

However, the OP is a man. Women get a lot more abuse...

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By *ilent...BobMan
over a year ago

Shushhhhhhyourmouthville

If people are rude then you wouldn't want to meet them anyway, would you? I think some folk do definitely get up their own arses on fab with lists of requirements and demands and maybe they forgwt we're all human and not just playmeat. However also I think girls get a lot more attention which I guess could be annoying after a while when they're trying to focus on finding the right guy in amongst the masses.

There's never any excuse for rudeness though.

My advice would be to focus on the nice folk and don't sweat over the rude ones. Maybe focus on making some connections and friendships to begin with before progressing to meeting people?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just to check...are you saying that your mental health is being affected because nobody will have sex with you?"

No jeeze, I don't think he actually said that

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Just to check...are you saying that your mental health is being affected because nobody will have sex with you?

I didn't read the OP's comments that way.

It was more a general concern about how people can be dismissive and brutal to other people on here. Though that's a fact for much of social media.

However, the OP is a man. Women get a lot more abuse... "

She asked a question that's all

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Sorry you feel this way op, mental health affects us all differently.

Myself i found many positives just by talking to others via fab.

If your not getting meets and this is affecting your mental health take a break hide your profile and get your head where it should be.

single men find it difficult on here full stop.

don't beat yourself up that's not going to help you.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Dating sites are a minefield

Keep at it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP - if you ever want to chat, my door is always open. Mental health is important - especially in men who tend not to talk about how they feel.

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By *amwlf OP Man
over a year ago

hull

But with respect I disagree. I am not naive or stupid. Yeah maybe I'm not cut out for this I have a higher drive so I came on here. But I do find the way people treat people (probably cos I'm a single guy.. of which we are in abunfance) to be quite demoralising. And yeah I get all the alpha males will pour scorn. And many women with say man up. But I just find it surprising when the word respect is used in abundance, that it doesnt apply to.someone trying to make inroads m and always an did mean always, been polite whilst doing so

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By *drian HardthrobMan
over a year ago

Worcester

"OP - if you ever want to chat, my door is always open. Mental health is important - especially in men who tend not to talk about how they feel.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"But with respect I disagree. I am not naive or stupid. Yeah maybe I'm not cut out for this I have a higher drive so I came on here. But I do find the way people treat people (probably cos I'm a single guy.. of which we are in abunfance) to be quite demoralising. And yeah I get all the alpha males will pour scorn. And many women with say man up. But I just find it surprising when the word respect is used in abundance, that it doesnt apply to.someone trying to make inroads m and always an did mean always, been polite whilst doing so"

Do you have examples. Are people being nasty by PM etc? x

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings

OP you need to remember there are 20 ladies to every guy on this site. If you can't Handel rejection it is not good for you mental health.

But how would you feel asking some one in a bar. Do you want a drink they say yes you get the drinks in and she walks of with a friend and a free drink. We have all been there.

Do you message lots of people with short messages to not get a response?

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By *amwlf OP Man
over a year ago

hull

Well you have surprised me. Thanks people. I was expecting ridicule and abuse. This site isnt the place for such sentiment etc. But tbh, this far my faith in human nature is slightly restored. I get as a single male we are many fold. But nevertheless when one repeatedly gets the replies one does.. after always been polite and courteous, you get to question yourself. Men put on a brave face . It's what we do. No.option. but it gets to us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just to check...are you saying that your mental health is being affected because nobody will have sex with you?

I didn't read the OP's comments that way.

It was more a general concern about how people can be dismissive and brutal to other people on here. Though that's a fact for much of social media.

However, the OP is a man. Women get a lot more abuse...

She asked a question that's all"

And he is responding to the question that is all

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Well you have surprised me. Thanks people. I was expecting ridicule and abuse. This site isnt the place for such sentiment etc. But tbh, this far my faith in human nature is slightly restored. I get as a single male we are many fold. But nevertheless when one repeatedly gets the replies one does.. after always been polite and courteous, you get to question yourself. Men put on a brave face . It's what we do. No.option. but it gets to us."

Hun reply and quote xx

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Just to check...are you saying that your mental health is being affected because nobody will have sex with you?

I didn't read the OP's comments that way.

It was more a general concern about how people can be dismissive and brutal to other people on here. Though that's a fact for much of social media.

However, the OP is a man. Women get a lot more abuse...

She asked a question that's all

And he is responding to the question that is all"

Yeah and...

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

No ridicule well done for speaking up xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just to check...are you saying that your mental health is being affected because nobody will have sex with you?

I didn't read the OP's comments that way.

It was more a general concern about how people can be dismissive and brutal to other people on here. Though that's a fact for much of social media.

However, the OP is a man. Women get a lot more abuse...

She asked a question that's all

And he is responding to the question that is all

Yeah and..."

And what?

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Just to check...are you saying that your mental health is being affected because nobody will have sex with you?

I didn't read the OP's comments that way.

It was more a general concern about how people can be dismissive and brutal to other people on here. Though that's a fact for much of social media.

However, the OP is a man. Women get a lot more abuse...

She asked a question that's all

And he is responding to the question that is all

Yeah and...

And what?"

Nowt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP you need to remember there are 20 ladies to every guy on this site. If you can't Handel rejection it is not good for you mental health.

But how would you feel asking some one in a bar. Do you want a drink they say yes you get the drinks in and she walks of with a friend and a free drink. We have all been there.

Do you message lots of people with short messages to not get a response?"

While true , I don't think this actually helps - it's a not a simple case of 'man up" and deal with it.

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By *amwlf OP Man
over a year ago

hull

I do remember. I really do. I do appreciate what you say. But I am a realist. I am not naive at all.

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By *opinovMan
over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

"OP you need to remember there are 20 ladies to every guy on this site. If you can't Handel rejection it is not good for you mental health.

But how would you feel asking some one in a bar. Do you want a drink they say yes you get the drinks in and she walks of with a friend and a free drink. We have all been there.

Do you message lots of people with short messages to not get a response?"

Are you sure?.. I'd have guessed more like 20 guys for every lady.

In any case, it helps to be reconciled to one's status of 'plankton' around here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi OP. I'm sorry you are struggling. Id love to offer more help but I'm not quite sure what's happening to cause the upset. Are you getting abusive message about of the blue or is it the replies you are getting? How are they hurtful ?

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By *amwlf OP Man
over a year ago

hull

Ita appreciated more than you know. In some ways I was also referring to others. I guarantee that the way people treat others on these places have had significant.. if not life changing effects on people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to say I fully agree with everything you have said on here. although I would in my view if a men pours scorn he's not an alpha. It's a pup pretending to be dominant.

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

Your profile says you are put off by people who have loads of verifications. Why is that, seeing as you are not happy with not getting any meets ?

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By *andsCouple
over a year ago

Edin

I’m sorry you are feeling down and that you feel people have been treating you badly that is totally unacceptable if that’s the case. I appreciate you say you are always polite and respectful and I’m not disputing you are but you have not been very forthcoming on the actual content of the abuse you appear to be suffering from.

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By *amwlf OP Man
over a year ago

hull

My intention was not to be controversial at all. I appreciate that it comes across that I am naive and perhaps stupid. Like I say, I am on some dating sites too. And they are brutal.and harsh. It's the nature of the beast. Cant stand the heat get out of the kitchen etc etc. And too a degree I agree. But I dont get why people have to be so so harsh and dismissive and brutal (my vocabulary is bad at this time of the week so forgive me). I knew men are after sex. I know men push. I feel for the women. But all I'm saying is that us guys are just totally all about sex.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I think perhaps you need to expand. Are people being nasty? Is it because women aren’t replying? Are people not turning up to meets?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry it's not working for you maybe you're better giving it a break.

Being polite n respectful are great qualities but we're more bothered about how big your dick is , what you look like and can you fuck when we're on the look out for a single Guy to be blunt.

Has for leaving emotions and feelings at the door. We're into swinging for a bit of fun . It kind of goes without saying where a couple. So if we let emotions and feelings develop with other people, then that could be the end of our relationship.

Has for looking for a partner I think that's a great idea but maybe fab isn't the best place to look.

I have done fab has a single Man and I found it tough going . It's so much better/rewarding on here being a couple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This place is full of idiots or time wasters... don't hate on us genuine people thou!! I've been on here since 19 and I'm 23 now.... I've met my fair share of nice guys but some not very nice ones. I'm on dating sites too because I'm sorry but I'm not just a swinger im a normal person I wanna find love but just not with someone off here because swinging is always gonna be there...

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Your biggest mistake was joining here as a single guy. The odds are so stacked against you it’s almost impossible. I say it often, single guys do way better on the normal dating apps than here. The women are far more open on them and you have much better chances of actually connecting with someone

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By *KloganMan
over a year ago

Ramsbottom

"My intention was not to be controversial at all. I appreciate that it comes across that I am naive and perhaps stupid. Like I say, I am on some dating sites too. And they are brutal.and harsh. It's the nature of the beast. Cant stand the heat get out of the kitchen etc etc. And too a degree I agree. But I dont get why people have to be so so harsh and dismissive and brutal (my vocabulary is bad at this time of the week so forgive me). I knew men are after sex. I know men push. I feel for the women. But all I'm saying is that us guys are just totally all about sex. "

Hey, just a note to say that however you’re feeling at any given point is totally ok. A forum, I suppose is a good starting place to get reasoned views and helpful opinions on a subject matter that’s close to your heart.

And my DM is open if you want to talk anything through.

It doesn’t have to be brutal, I’ve really enjoyed the fun of making connections with some incredibly lovely, intelligent people and they’ve helped me to learn more than enough to respect the lifestyle.

Expectations are set by your own experiences I guess. But finding this particular section of the forum feels warm and friendly. Dip your toe a little and find the right people based on conversation not necessarily on looks alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally understand where you're coming from. All sexual sites (dating or lifestyle) will have a far more men than women BUT the other sites I'm on do seem to be more welcoming in many ways. I think the central communities on all are similar (the people who post to forums and are not just here for 'fun' seem universally kind). I think the difference here is that as it's so easy to join there are far more men who are rude at least, more often entitled and abusive. I sat with a female friend of mine while she created a new account. No pics, no bio, over 50 unsolicited cock pics within 30mins. And the messages...Honestly, i knew it was bad. But I didn't appreciate how bad it is on here sometimes. At its best, fab is an amazing, supportive community. When women or couples or short with me, I just try and imagine how it must be to live with that tsunami of abuse day in day out. I don't take it personally and instead am polite back and then simply chat to other people. My advice would be similar to others -use the forums and in person socials to show people who you really are.

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By *drian HardthrobMan
over a year ago

Worcester

And my DM is open if you want to talk anything through.

Great post Logan. I know it's not necessarily in our nature as guys to look out for each another but when it comes down mental health we all need open up more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anything that starts to effect your mental health needs to be addressed. I think you need to have a break and a breather.

It is an overwhelming site! Most of the women on here must get 100’s of messages, and some serious abuse too. So people are guarded, and could come across as harsh, even if they don’t mean it that way.

I take antidepressants, which have helped me a lot. Don’t be afraid to speak to a doctor and try some medication, if you feel you can’t get out of the cycle in your mind.

All the best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You'll soon find the forums can be as bad, sometimes worse.

I had a similar conversation recently, saying we have no idea who is on the other end of the message.

They may message wrongly, according to our expectations, but still, there's no need to respond in and manner other than polite.

Yes, we all know sometimes we have to put our for down.

But jeez, some of the comments expressing how they dealt with an 'unsolicited message' because it wasn't worded to their preference or because the profile wasn't so expressive.

We've no idea what mental state, or abilities the person have or lack.

Hope you're ok OP.

I'm happy to chat, this is the Mr on this profile.

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By *assagetherightplacesMan
over a year ago

bradford

"OP - if you ever want to chat, my door is always open. Mental health is important - especially in men who tend not to talk about how they feel.

"
i totally agree, its so important. not many understand mens MH

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP.. first of all do not judge your experiences as a norm. I have been on and off FAB for years. I have struggled with my own self belief. Struggled with my own idea of what I should and shouldn’t be looking for (sex vs relationship to a degree I suppose) I have found the pursuit of people on fab - lack of returned messages etc. to be disappointing and yes demoralising at times - I’m sure every genuine Fabber male or female can and will relate.

However, I have also seen it for what it it is. A way of escaping day to day. I have found beauty and excitement in things I wouldn’t ordinarily consider the norm for myself. Learned that everyone’s individuality is paramount and more to the point, most often, accepted here. Yes there are a few people who troll and a few people who consider themselves elitist but in my years here I have found them to be the exception as opposed the rule.

Being stable and settled in yourself is the most important thing you need to realise. If being here doesn’t allow that in any way; affects your mental health, confidence, or anything like that, you must take a break. Step away even if it’s temporarily. You will find the majority of us accepting and friendly. If you don’t find us (the good ones) … pause.

We are all different. We are all beautiful.

End.

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By *amwlf OP Man
over a year ago

hull

Just want to say thanks people. And also that I'm not been overly sensitive or naive. I know what this place is.. leave any feelings and emotion at the door (although many profiles do say about a connection been paramount.. on which I agree). As I say.. I'm on dating sites.. which can be brutal. But this takes it to the next level. And probably like dating sites where men may have spoilt them and jaded the women, maybe women on her are equally jaded by the guys. But I do find it amazing how people treat people. Not in a good way. Thanks again you good people. Its appreciated

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