FabSwingers.com forum: Forum Complaints Dept

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The department is open this morning for all you minor forum gripes.

Please ensure all complaints are signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.

We will do our best to answer all queries

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I would like to complain about the complaints department.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would like to complain about the complaints department. "

please state the exact nature of your complaint

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I would like to complain about the complaints department.

please state the exact nature of your complaint"

There is no privacy. My complaints are public! Just like at the Doctors or an NHS hospital.

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

I’ve found there’s a distinct lack of blue waffle pics in the forum.

I was told I could expect 23 blue waffles a day.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I would like to complain about the complaints department.

please state the exact nature of your complaint

There is no privacy. My complaints are public! Just like at the Doctors or an NHS hospital."

THis is to provide transparancy to all in the handling of the complaints

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve found there’s a distinct lack of blue waffle pics in the forum.

I was told I could expect 23 blue waffles a day. "

The kitchens have had issue sourcing the blue food dye required for the waffle manufacture. We have been told by the supplier that a delivery is due next month

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By *an4funMan
over a year ago

london

I'd like to complain about the length of time it takes to get through to the complaints department.

Clearly understaffed!

Disappointed from London

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd like to complain about the length of time it takes to get through to the complaints department.

Clearly understaffed!

Disappointed from London"

we have limited office hours due to financial constraints. our office hours and contact details are posted on the website for all to see

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I'd like to complain about the number of women cocking a leg against status lampposts. Very unladylike

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd like to complain about the number of women cocking a leg against status lampposts. Very unladylike

Lampposts do not fall under this dept's remit. Please contact the highways dept on the 33.3rd floor of the building down the street

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By *ilent...BobMan
over a year ago

Shushhhhhhyourmouthville

Blank profiles, please - all avatars should be half boob half vagina, thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Blank profiles, please - all avatars should be half boob half vagina, thanks

please report this to the medical dept in the lower basement and they will issue you with a new imagination. this should rectify the problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have nothing to complain about lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My complaint is that wonkle doesn't have any public pics

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have nothing to complain about lol"

Please log this with the gripes dept and they will issue you a list of items to complain about

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My complaint is that wonkle doesn't have any public pics "

Sorry user not found

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"The department is open this morning for all you minor forum gripes.

How do I contact the major forum gripes department ?

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Hello! Is that the buck passing dept?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Blank profiles, please - all avatars should be half boob half vagina, thanks

Even the men ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The department is open this morning for all you minor forum gripes.

How do I contact the major forum gripes department ?"

This dept was closed due to lack of use

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By *ilent...BobMan
over a year ago

Shushhhhhhyourmouthville

"Blank profiles, please - all avatars should be half boob half vagina, thanks

Even the men ?"

Obv!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hello! Is that the buck passing dept?"

no thats at 121 whogivesashit ave.

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By *ilent...BobMan
over a year ago

Shushhhhhhyourmouthville

Boobs with a first message - people keep forgetting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The department is open this morning for all you minor forum gropes.

I feel you, OP

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By *an4funMan
over a year ago

london

"My complaint is that wonkle doesn't have any public pics "

Wonkle! Is that a wanking womble?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Wonko.

I would hereby like to complain about the lack of attention I am currently receiving. For an habitual drama llama this is having a detrimental affect on me as I am starting to shrivel up through lack of attention. If you could pass this through the system and send me an automatic generic response forthwith then I would be grateful.

Thank you in advance. I await generic reply in readiness

Yours sincerely

Miss D

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Wonko.

I wish to complain about the slow response.

Get a move a long

Yours sincerely

Miss D

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By *ilent...BobMan
over a year ago

Shushhhhhhyourmouthville

"Dear Wonko.

I wish to complain about the slow response.

Get a move a long

Yours sincerely

Miss D"

There'll be a line with hold music and a queue position any minute.

I wish to complain about the generic resiponses given to specific opinions, and the lack of personalised boob pics arriving to my fabmail

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Wonko,

I would like to complain as I am not getting any cock this weekend… I think fab is broken?

Please investigate and let me know your findings..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have nothing to complain about lol

Please log this with the gripes dept and they will issue you a list of items to complain about"

Will do thanks wonko

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Wonko.

Thank you in advance. I await generic reply in readiness

Yours sincerely

Miss D"

Please adjust your message filters to block all traffic. this should enable all random messages to get through and resolve your issue

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Wonko.

I wish to complain about the slow response.

Get a move a long

Yours sincerely

Miss D"

Apologies. i was on a tea break

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Wonko.

I wish to complain about the slow response.

Get a move a long

Yours sincerely

Miss D

There'll be a line with hold music and a queue position any minute.

I wish to complain about the generic resiponses given to specific opinions, and the lack of personalised boob pics arriving to my fabmail

The answer machine is currenly broken as it shewed up the tape

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Wonko,

I would like to complain as I am not getting any cock this weekend… I think fab is broken?

Please investigate and let me know your findings.."

I have forwarded this on to the local pervert list. messages should arrive shortly

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

Dear Wonko,

My complaint is simply the vast list of Terms and Conditions you've listed for people to adhere to before writing in!

You obviously work within the Civil Service or in local government.

Or maybe you a politician in disguise; lots of waffle but making no sense!

Yours sincerely,

Who am I?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Wonko,

My complaint is simply the vast list of Terms and Conditions you've listed for people to adhere to before writing in!

You obviously work within the Civil Service or in local government.

Or maybe you a politician in disguise; lots of waffle but making no sense!

Yours sincerely,

Who am I?

I am a bureaucrat for the as the galactic government.

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By *hristopherd999Man
over a year ago

Brentwood

"Dear Wonko,

My complaint is simply the vast list of Terms and Conditions you've listed for people to adhere to before writing in!

You obviously work within the Civil Service or in local government.

Or maybe you a politician in disguise; lots of waffle but making no sense!

Yours sincerely,

Who am I?

I am a bureaucrat for the as the galactic government. "

I thought so, makes sense now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Wonko.

I wish to complain about the slow response.

Get a move a long

Yours sincerely

Miss D

Apologies. i was on a tea break"

Dear Complaints Dept,

I would like it made abundantly clear to those who refer to their dinner as 'tea' that tea is as you have specified in your response, not a meal in the evening.

Thank you for the clarification.

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By *haron7540Woman
over a year ago

Hayle, Cornwall

Dear Wonko

I've lost my Sky remote

I've recently seen some with dicks for size comparison but they aren't mine, I've studied the pictures very carefully

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Wonko.

I wish to complain about the slow response.

Get a move a long

Yours sincerely

Miss D

Apologies. i was on a tea break

Dear Complaints Dept,

I would like it made abundantly clear to those who refer to their dinner as 'tea' that tea is as you have specified in your response, not a meal in the evening.

Thank you for the clarification."

the Dinner/Tea debate is currenly with the debate department who will issue a mandate on this when they decide what the correct answer is

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By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

"I’ve found there’s a distinct lack of blue waffle pics in the forum.

I was told I could expect 23 blue waffles a day.

The kitchens have had issue sourcing the blue food dye required for the waffle manufacture. We have been told by the supplier that a delivery is due next month"

BREXIT! "AT Laest hour sovering Waffles aRe Blue!!"

(But not available due to problems importing the blue food dye and a lack of HGV drivers to deliver the finished goods if we could fucking finish them!)

Gbat

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Wonko

I've lost my Sky remote

I've recently seen some with dicks for size comparison but they aren't mine, I've studied the pictures very carefully

Thanks"

Sky remote guidance states to look around your neighbourhood for a dish then go for tea with the resident. their remote should then be removed from their premises and used by you for future reference

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By *haron7540Woman
over a year ago

Hayle, Cornwall

"Dear Wonko

I've lost my Sky remote

I've recently seen some with dicks for size comparison but they aren't mine, I've studied the pictures very carefully

Thanks

Sky remote guidance states to look around your neighbourhood for a dish then go for tea with the resident. their remote should then be removed from their premises and used by you for future reference"

Thank you for your prompt response.

But to clarify based on a previous response is this tea (for drinking) or tea (dinner). I certainly don't wish to get it wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Wonko

I've lost my Sky remote

I've recently seen some with dicks for size comparison but they aren't mine, I've studied the pictures very carefully

Thanks

Sky remote guidance states to look around your neighbourhood for a dish then go for tea with the resident. their remote should then be removed from their premises and used by you for future reference

Thank you for your prompt response.

But to clarify based on a previous response is this tea (for drinking) or tea (dinner). I certainly don't wish to get it wrong. "

either option is currently valid.

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By *haron7540Woman
over a year ago

Hayle, Cornwall

"Dear Wonko

I've lost my Sky remote

I've recently seen some with dicks for size comparison but they aren't mine, I've studied the pictures very carefully

Thanks

Sky remote guidance states to look around your neighbourhood for a dish then go for tea with the resident. their remote should then be removed from their premises and used by you for future reference

Thank you for your prompt response.

But to clarify based on a previous response is this tea (for drinking) or tea (dinner). I certainly don't wish to get it wrong.

either option is currently valid."

Thank you, going out for a walk around

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By *ilent...BobMan
over a year ago

Shushhhhhhyourmouthville

Couples! Not letting you know who it is that's commenting on a thread! Sometimes I've flirted sooooo damn hard with a male because of this!

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I’d like to complain about the lack of boings on the boing thread yesterday. I was extremely disappointed and men need to up their boing game.

Thank you please

Yours sincerely

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Couples! Not letting you know who it is that's commenting on a thread! Sometimes I've flirted sooooo damn hard with a male because of this!

Your fab straight status will be with you shortly to enable you to proceed with this

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’d like to complain about the lack of boings on the boing thread yesterday. I was extremely disappointed and men need to up their boing game.

Thank you please

Yours sincerely "

Boing video authorisations are on hold while we recruit an new video editor

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

Dear Wonko

I'd like to complain about the lack of hands in profile pictures on fab. It's very disheartening

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I’d like to complain about the lack of boings on the boing thread yesterday. I was extremely disappointed and men need to up their boing game.

Thank you please

Yours sincerely

Boing video authorisations are on hold while we recruit an new video editor"

Me!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Wonko

I'd like to complain about the lack of hands in profile pictures on fab. It's very disheartening "

most hands are in use at the time of the photo capture. it takes two ahnds to hold a cock and a sky remote.

work is underway in the biology labs at present to develop 3 handed humans

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

"Dear Wonko

I'd like to complain about the lack of hands in profile pictures on fab. It's very disheartening

most hands are in use at the time of the photo capture. it takes two ahnds to hold a cock and a sky remote.

work is underway in the biology labs at present to develop 3 handed humans"

I appreciate your prompt response but if both hands are in use for the traditional cock measuring pic it begs the question, what did the person use to hold the phone and snap the pic?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d like to complain about the only member of staff in the complaints team taking a sabbatical. This is unacceptable and I would like an immediate response.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"I’d like to complain about the only member of staff in the complaints team taking a sabbatical. This is unacceptable and I would like an immediate response."

The official stance is UNLOS

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/03/22 20:51:35]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lack of penis.. despicable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d like to complain about the only member of staff in the complaints team taking a sabbatical. This is unacceptable and I would like an immediate response.

The official stance is UNLOS

Technically they’re back but unable to comment on forums for reasons I’m not sure I’m allowed to discuss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lack of penis.. despicable."

The complaints department need to sort this out.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

"I’d like to complain about the only member of staff in the complaints team taking a sabbatical. This is unacceptable and I would like an immediate response.

The official stance is UNLOS

One jaffa cake derailed thread too many???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d like to complain about the only member of staff in the complaints team taking a sabbatical. This is unacceptable and I would like an immediate response.

The official stance is UNLOS

One jaffa cake derailed thread too many???

I think he secretly loves Jaffa cakes.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

"I’d like to complain about the only member of staff in the complaints team taking a sabbatical. This is unacceptable and I would like an immediate response.

The official stance is UNLOS

One jaffa cake derailed thread too many???

I think he secretly loves Jaffa cakes. "

The 'doth protest too much' comes to mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d like to complain about the only member of staff in the complaints team taking a sabbatical. This is unacceptable and I would like an immediate response.

The official stance is UNLOS

One jaffa cake derailed thread too many???

I think he secretly loves Jaffa cakes.

The 'doth protest too much' comes to mind

I wonder how much this is killing him not being able to comment?

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

"I’d like to complain about the only member of staff in the complaints team taking a sabbatical. This is unacceptable and I would like an immediate response.

The official stance is UNLOS

One jaffa cake derailed thread too many???

I think he secretly loves Jaffa cakes.

The 'doth protest too much' comes to mind

I wonder how much this is killing him not being able to comment?"

Bet he's bookmarked it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would like to complain about the lack of OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d like to complain about the only member of staff in the complaints team taking a sabbatical. This is unacceptable and I would like an immediate response.

The official stance is UNLOS

One jaffa cake derailed thread too many???

I think he secretly loves Jaffa cakes.

The 'doth protest too much' comes to mind

I wonder how much this is killing him not being able to comment?

Bet he's bookmarked it

He actually drew my attention to this thread so I know he’s watching, probably eating Jaffa cakes and shouting at his phone

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

"I’d like to complain about the only member of staff in the complaints team taking a sabbatical. This is unacceptable and I would like an immediate response.

The official stance is UNLOS

One jaffa cake derailed thread too many???

I think he secretly loves Jaffa cakes.

The 'doth protest too much' comes to mind

I wonder how much this is killing him not being able to comment?

Bet he's bookmarked it

He actually drew my attention to this thread so I know he’s watching, probably eating Jaffa cakes and shouting at his phone

secret jaffa cake lover

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd like to complain about the obsession with

on this forum please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to complain about the obsession with

on this forum please. "

I’ve been informed responses are taking up to 2 days at the moment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd like to complain about the length of time it's taking for a response to my complaint.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to complain about the length of time it's taking for a response to my complaint.

Incompetent staff. You could train a monkey to do their job but that’s unethical.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to complain about the length of time it's taking for a response to my complaint.

Incompetent staff. You could train a monkey to do their job but that’s unethical."

Doesn't seem THAT unethical?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to complain about the length of time it's taking for a response to my complaint.

Incompetent staff. You could train a monkey to do their job but that’s unethical.

Doesn't seem THAT unethical?

I hear the office is in Dumfries. Is there any Monkeys in South East Scotland?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to complain about the length of time it's taking for a response to my complaint.

Incompetent staff. You could train a monkey to do their job but that’s unethical.

Doesn't seem THAT unethical?

I hear the office is in Dumfries. Is there any Monkeys in South East Scotland?"

It's Scotland. Of course there are monkeys!!

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

"I’d like to complain about the only member of staff in the complaints team taking a sabbatical. This is unacceptable and I would like an immediate response.

The official stance is UNLOS

One jaffa cake derailed thread too many???

I think he secretly loves Jaffa cakes.

The 'doth protest too much' comes to mind

I wonder how much this is killing him not being able to comment?

Bet he's bookmarked it

He actually drew my attention to this thread so I know he’s watching, probably eating Jaffa cakes and shouting at his phone

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