FabSwingers.com forum: Any room for old fashioned

By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

not whiskey... but manners?

I am all for good manners and some old fashioned manners are worth keeping but not all.

What would you like to keep and why?

And what should we dispose of?

"It's rude to spit" in the fab context is not what I had in mind btw

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By *usman 199Man
over a year ago

Stockport

Hi my friend I will always let a lady fo first hold the door for her give up a seat is that PC any case don't care old fashioned values x

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Hi my friend I will always let a lady fo first hold the door for her give up a seat is that PC any case don't care old fashioned values x"

I think different folks might say it is really nice, others might say it is not necessary. Personally I hold the door open to anybody walking behind me.

How about paying for a meal? I never expect a guy to pay for mine because we both earn. If anything I d pay for him if I knew he was not in work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think most manners can be adapted rather than dropped. For example I open doors for everyone, it's not a 'ladies first' thing anymore.

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By *usman 199Man
over a year ago

Stockport

Again would feel embarrassed if the lady said we are going Dutch I would always insist on paying is it an age thing I don't know x

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I think most manners can be adapted rather than dropped. For example I open doors for everyone, it's not a 'ladies first' thing anymore. "

Yeah, I would agree on that one.

What about the rules of engagement when it comes to going out for a meal/ drink?

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I consider myself 'old-fashioned', but it does seem to be getting more rare by the day.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Again would feel embarrassed if the lady said we are going Dutch I would always insist on paying is it an age thing I don't know x"

Aww that is really sweet of you xx but I think in today's climate not so necessary anymore?

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I consider myself 'old-fashioned', but it does seem to be getting more rare by the day.

Can you give some examples of what makes you old-fashioned?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As long as people are doing it because they genuine have manners and not because society tells them they have to, manners are only a good thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think most manners can be adapted rather than dropped. For example I open doors for everyone, it's not a 'ladies first' thing anymore.

Yeah, I would agree on that one.

What about the rules of engagement when it comes to going out for a meal/ drink? "

If I'm having a few drinks or coffees I always offer to pay first regardless of gender. With a meal I prefer to split unless I know it's a friend who maybe is a bit low on funds, or I've offered to take them out in advance.

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By *usman 199Man
over a year ago

Stockport

"Again would feel embarrassed if the lady said we are going Dutch I would always insist on paying is it an age thing I don't know x

Aww that is really sweet of you xx but I think in today's climate not so necessary anymore? "
maybe still wouldn't enter my head but I will ask at work tomorrow you have me thinking now will check with the younger element x

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I'd like to keep genuine politeness, consideration... like letting someone with one item go ahead of you, holding the door open or offering to help if you see someone struggling with heavy items (regardless of gender).

I'd dispose of those that are gender based or fall into the "nice guy" trope.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"I consider myself 'old-fashioned', but it does seem to be getting more rare by the day.

Can you give some examples of what makes you old-fashioned? "

I prefer to actually talk to people rather than text.

I'm not into contemporary clothes or streetwear.

New 'art' confuses the hell out of me.

I like to put others first - give them a little respect until they prove otherwise.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"As long as people are doing it because they genuine have manners and not because society tells them they have to, manners are only a good thing

It is interesting that for example in the UK, the guy lets the woman walk into the pub first to be polite. In mainland Europe the guys generally enters first to protect her from unwanted attention or if there is a fight, from low flying objects. Interesting how things can vary so much.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I like old fashioned manners, like keeping a door open when you're carrying things. I also like it when M does the laces of my shoes so I don't flash my bum. Or holds my arm to cross the road I can't see through him because he's taller than I am.

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"I'd like to keep genuine politeness, consideration... like letting someone with one item go ahead of you, holding the door open or offering to help if you see someone struggling with heavy items (regardless of gender).

I'd dispose of those that are gender based or fall into the "nice guy" trope. "

I agree. Common courtesy is blind to gender. It’s about respect for fellow human beings.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I'd dispose of those that are gender based or fall into the "nice guy" trope. "

I would go along with that last statement.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I like old fashioned manners, like keeping a door open when you're carrying things. I also like it when M does the laces of my shoes so I don't flash my bum. Or holds my arm to cross the road I can't see through him because he's taller than I am. "

That is sweet, too, to do the laces. I had not thought about the bum flashing but I guess fair point!

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I consider myself 'old-fashioned', but it does seem to be getting more rare by the day.

Can you give some examples of what makes you old-fashioned?

I prefer to actually talk to people rather than text.

I'm not into contemporary clothes or streetwear.

New 'art' confuses the hell out of me.

I like to put others first - give them a little respect until they prove otherwise.

Fair enough - is being on fabs a very modern thing for you, out of curiosity?

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Rude and impolite folk can just fuck the hell off.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"I consider myself 'old-fashioned', but it does seem to be getting more rare by the day.

Can you give some examples of what makes you old-fashioned?

I prefer to actually talk to people rather than text.

I'm not into contemporary clothes or streetwear.

New 'art' confuses the hell out of me.

I like to put others first - give them a little respect until they prove otherwise.

Fair enough - is being on fabs a very modern thing for you, out of curiosity?

Not too modern. I do wish i could actually go some people. You can't get across emotion in a text.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think most manners can be adapted rather than dropped. For example I open doors for everyone, it's not a 'ladies first' thing anymore. "

Same here.

Going Dutch feels awkward too, but I’ll go with it if it’s what someone wants to do.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"I think most manners can be adapted rather than dropped. For example I open doors for everyone, it's not a 'ladies first' thing anymore.

Same here.

Going Dutch feels awkward too, but I’ll go with it if it’s what someone wants to do."

I still find that a bit weird.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I think most manners can be adapted rather than dropped. For example I open doors for everyone, it's not a 'ladies first' thing anymore.

Same here.

Going Dutch feels awkward too, but I’ll go with it if it’s what someone wants to do."

I guess it comes from a good (protective) place.

I can relate to that when out with somebody whose funds are limited even though I am happy to pay for all. From my perspective I struggle a bit allowing a guy to pay for me as I feel women cannot ask for equality of pay in one breath and then expect to be taken out in another. Does that make sense to you?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Manners, courtesy, respect, yes.

Chivalry, no.

And yes, I'll bite my tongue and accept that these come from a good place. If I anticipate a repeat performance, I'll ask the person to stop.

Someone who kicks off because they want to behave in a way that makes me uncomfortable is ruder than I am for having preferences and politely requesting that people abide by them.

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By *udemattMan
over a year ago

sleaford

"I think most manners can be adapted rather than dropped. For example I open doors for everyone, it's not a 'ladies first' thing anymore.

Same here.

Going Dutch feels awkward too, but I’ll go with it if it’s what someone wants to do.

I guess it comes from a good (protective) place.

I get what you are saying, but I would suggest if it is in a date situation it should be the person who asked the other out on a date. As you are asking someone to join you, at least for the first time or two then maybe start splitting the bill after that point.

I would say most things are about common curtesy and respect, for example holding a door for someone, giving up your seat on a bus to someone that needs it more than you.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Manners, courtesy, respect, yes.

Chivalry, no.

And yes, I'll bite my tongue and accept that these come from a good place. If I anticipate a repeat performance, I'll ask the person to stop.

Someone who kicks off because they want to behave in a way that makes me uncomfortable is ruder than I am for having preferences and politely requesting that people abide by them."

I recently met a really nice guy who is great company. He insisted on walking round the car to let me in before returning to his side. Now, if I were in an evening gown and needed assistance in getting in and out gracefully, I could accept it on those occasions but when I am in my jeans or joggers I find it irritating. I have told him in a nice way and he was ok about it.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I think most manners can be adapted rather than dropped. For example I open doors for everyone, it's not a 'ladies first' thing anymore.

Same here.

Going Dutch feels awkward too, but I’ll go with it if it’s what someone wants to do.

I guess it comes from a good (protective) place.

I would say most things are about common curtesy and respect, for example holding a door for someone, giving up your seat on a bus to someone that needs it more than you."

I can live with that

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Manners, courtesy, respect, yes.

Chivalry, no.

And yes, I'll bite my tongue and accept that these come from a good place. If I anticipate a repeat performance, I'll ask the person to stop.

Someone who kicks off because they want to behave in a way that makes me uncomfortable is ruder than I am for having preferences and politely requesting that people abide by them.

Exactly

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By *namoratomanMan
over a year ago

Herefordshire

Good manners cost you nothing but may get you somewhere. Attention to detail.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good manners cost you nothing but may get you somewhere. Attention to detail. "

Surely really good manners have no ulterior motive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think most manners can be adapted rather than dropped. For example I open doors for everyone, it's not a 'ladies first' thing anymore.

Same here.

Going Dutch feels awkward too, but I’ll go with it if it’s what someone wants to do.

I guess it comes from a good (protective) place.

I would struggle if they insisted on paying for everything all the time, it would make me feel not on an equal footing and possibly a bit of power/control play going on. However, if someone wanted to take me out or get me a little treat then I wouldn't take away their desire to want to do something considerate for me. Equally, if I was offering the date/treat then I would want to pay for that. If a regular dinner or trip with friends, partner etc or a getting to know each other kinda thing then I'd definitely put my hand in my pocket and want to split the costs. Elle x

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Manners, courtesy, respect, yes.

Chivalry, no.

And yes, I'll bite my tongue and accept that these come from a good place. If I anticipate a repeat performance, I'll ask the person to stop.

Someone who kicks off because they want to behave in a way that makes me uncomfortable is ruder than I am for having preferences and politely requesting that people abide by them.

See I still like that kind of thing. It saddens me to think it will no longer be or men will be too scared to do it for fear of a kick off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Manners, courtesy, respect, yes.

Chivalry, no.

And yes, I'll bite my tongue and accept that these come from a good place. If I anticipate a repeat performance, I'll ask the person to stop.

Someone who kicks off because they want to behave in a way that makes me uncomfortable is ruder than I am for having preferences and politely requesting that people abide by them.

See I still like that kind of thing. It saddens me to think it will no longer be or men will be too scared to do it for fear of a kick off

I still do that and more. I don’t think I’m a refined gentleman but I do think I’m old school.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Manners, courtesy, respect, yes.

Chivalry, no.

And yes, I'll bite my tongue and accept that these come from a good place. If I anticipate a repeat performance, I'll ask the person to stop.

Someone who kicks off because they want to behave in a way that makes me uncomfortable is ruder than I am for having preferences and politely requesting that people abide by them.

See I still like that kind of thing. It saddens me to think it will no longer be or men will be too scared to do it for fear of a kick off

I still do that and more. I don’t think I’m a refined gentleman but I do think I’m old school.

I’m pretty old school in a lot of ways. The paying thing I’m not though. I have to pay my way.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Manners, courtesy, respect, yes.

Chivalry, no.

And yes, I'll bite my tongue and accept that these come from a good place. If I anticipate a repeat performance, I'll ask the person to stop.

Someone who kicks off because they want to behave in a way that makes me uncomfortable is ruder than I am for having preferences and politely requesting that people abide by them.

See I still like that kind of thing. It saddens me to think it will no longer be or men will be too scared to do it for fear of a kick off

I still do that and more. I don’t think I’m a refined gentleman but I do think I’m old school.

I’m pretty old school in a lot of ways. The paying thing I’m not though. I have to pay my way. "

So it sounds to me that different gestures mean different things to people.

I felt awkward when in jeans, when my friend walked all the way round to my side to let me in and out. And I feel strange if the paying for meals is a one sided thing - I am ok if we take turns or it is a treat.

I do love it though when (today in the gym) I was struggling with the pedal of my spin bike and this slightly older gent came to my rescue and helped - that was such a lovely gesture.

Maybe it is about good communication more than anything? Saying what you appreciate and what you prefer not to happen?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thing with manners is women can be funny about it.

I've held doors open for them to be told 'i can do it myself thanks' so what do you do?

If a women likes you she will take it all day long but if she doesn't or its the wrong time for her she will be unreasonable.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Thing with manners is women can be funny about it.

I've held doors open for them to be told 'i can do it myself thanks' so what do you do?

If a women likes you she will take it all day long but if she doesn't or its the wrong time for her she will be unreasonable.

Funny you should say that - I have just encountered (outside this site I hasten to add) a guy with an acute sense of humour failure, just because I was unable to meet him tonight. Maybe it was just the wrong time for him?

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By *xploring_FunWoman
over a year ago

Visiting Scotland

I think the key to manners is your company and their preferences.

So, a guy offering to pay for the first meal is fine (and some people will happily accept), but a guy insisting on paying even after I say I’d rather split is actually really poor manners.

Same with walking someone to their door or opening the car door for them - fine to do if you consider that mannerly, but the second they are openly uncomfortable or dislike it then it’s mannerly to stop.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

But I have some old fashioned manners myself, not just ones that men do. I wouldn't turn up to a funeral for example in trousers. My grandparents wouldn't have liked it. My children have to ask to be excused to leave the table after we have eaten. I thank the lollipop man when I cross my kids across the road. I guess many of these are old fashioned to some.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"But I have some old fashioned manners myself, not just ones that men do. I wouldn't turn up to a funeral for example in trousers. My grandparents wouldn't have liked it. My children have to ask to be excused to leave the table after we have eaten. I thank the lollipop man when I cross my kids across the road. I guess many of these are old fashioned to some. "
Oh, I should thank you big time as you actually just held up a mirror to me. It just dawned on me how old-fashioned I can be when it comes to manners, from table manners to dress code at funerals to behaviour in the company of much more senior people etc. Self awareness here we come.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely dear lady!

While we indulge ourselves in a slightly "untraditional" way,we are not neanderthals!

The pleasantries and kindnesses should not be bypassed,under any circumstances!

We remain sophisticated, even though we enjoy the excitement of unbridled passion and sex!

And anything less...remains .. unnaceptable!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Putting manners into a fab context, if I message someone because I'd like to meet them then I would accommodate either at my home or spring for a hotel. However, most that message me that have "cannot accommodate" on their profile expect me to host them. When I say I cannot they suggest "outside fun".

Is it not good manners to have a plan in place if you're expecting meets?

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Absolutely dear lady!

While we indulge ourselves in a slightly "untraditional" way,we are not neanderthals!

The pleasantries and kindnesses should not be bypassed,under any circumstances!

We remain sophisticated, even though we enjoy the excitement of unbridled passion and sex!

And anything less...remains .. unnaceptable!

Ace response

Thank you xx

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By *pectressWoman
over a year ago

Midlothian

"Again would feel embarrassed if the lady said we are going Dutch I would always insist on paying is it an age thing I don't know x"

Definitely like to pay my own way

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Putting manners into a fab context, if I message someone because I'd like to meet them then I would accommodate either at my home or spring for a hotel. However, most that message me that have "cannot accommodate" on their profile expect me to host them. When I say I cannot they suggest "outside fun".

Is it not good manners to have a plan in place if you're expecting meets? "

I would 100% agree with you there - if I am contacting somebody wishing to explore meeting them, I should have a plan - or make it very clear in the first instance that for whatever reason, I am unable to.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Again would feel embarrassed if the lady said we are going Dutch I would always insist on paying is it an age thing I don't know x

Definitely like to pay my own way "

Do you think it has something to do with not wanting to feel "indebted"?

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

We should drop the "it's rude to ask" thing. As that just encourages ignorance, fear and a sense of consent-doesn't-matter.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"But I have some old fashioned manners myself, not just ones that men do. I wouldn't turn up to a funeral for example in trousers. My grandparents wouldn't have liked it. My children have to ask to be excused to leave the table after we have eaten. I thank the lollipop man when I cross my kids across the road. I guess many of these are old fashioned to some. Oh, I should thank you big time as you actually just held up a mirror to me. It just dawned on me how old-fashioned I can be when it comes to manners, from table manners to dress code at funerals to behaviour in the company of much more senior people etc. Self awareness here we come. "

You're thread highlighted how many of us (me included) see manners as the preserve of men, which it totally isn't. Think sometimes we should see we're all products of our environments.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love it when I see or meet someone with true old fashioned manners, there is no harm in it and unfortunately its a dying form now which is a shame.

If people take offence to it then they should be the ones to look at how they behave and re-evaluate things to realise its not done in an offensive way just because they are a "woman"

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"But I have some old fashioned manners myself, not just ones that men do. I wouldn't turn up to a funeral for example in trousers. My grandparents wouldn't have liked it. My children have to ask to be excused to leave the table after we have eaten. I thank the lollipop man when I cross my kids across the road. I guess many of these are old fashioned to some. Oh, I should thank you big time as you actually just held up a mirror to me. It just dawned on me how old-fashioned I can be when it comes to manners, from table manners to dress code at funerals to behaviour in the company of much more senior people etc. Self awareness here we come.

You're thread highlighted how many of us (me included) see manners as the preserve of men, which it totally isn't. Think sometimes we should see we're all products of our environments. "

Interesting how easy it is to be stuck in bias - even when you think yourself you are really quite self aware, isnt 't it?

We can all learn... all of the time.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Love it when I see or meet someone with true old fashioned manners, there is no harm in it and unfortunately its a dying form now which is a shame.

If people take offence to it then they should be the ones to look at how they behave and re-evaluate things to realise its not done in an offensive way just because they are a "woman"

I agree with you in as much that most of the old fashioned manner stuff comes from a good place. And by and large it is no big deal, in fact it is nice.

I think what can be irritating is when you specifically asked somebody not to do something and they continue doing it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good manners cost you nothing but may get you somewhere. Attention to detail. "

What do you mean by ‘may get you somewhere’?

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Manners are principally an expression of consideration for other people and that means doing things (or not doing them) even if it's not necessary but simply because it might make them more at ease.

For instance, someone might not object to your 21 gun salute after a good curry but the polite thing to do would be to refrain unless you have actually established that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Love it when I see or meet someone with true old fashioned manners, there is no harm in it and unfortunately its a dying form now which is a shame.

If people take offence to it then they should be the ones to look at how they behave and re-evaluate things to realise its not done in an offensive way just because they are a "woman"

I agree with you in as much that most of the old fashioned manner stuff comes from a good place. And by and large it is no big deal, in fact it is nice.

I think what can be irritating is when you specifically asked somebody not to do something and they continue doing it? "

Thats them just being an arsehole though to be fair if they know it winds you up in the long run surely?

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Manners are principally an expression of consideration for other people and that means doing things (or not doing them) even if it's not necessary but simply because it might make them more at ease.

For instance, someone might not object to your 21 gun salute after a good curry but the polite thing to do would be to refrain unless you have actually established that."

Do people seriously... SERIOUSLY do that?

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Love it when I see or meet someone with true old fashioned manners, there is no harm in it and unfortunately its a dying form now which is a shame.

If people take offence to it then they should be the ones to look at how they behave and re-evaluate things to realise its not done in an offensive way just because they are a "woman"

I agree with you in as much that most of the old fashioned manner stuff comes from a good place. And by and large it is no big deal, in fact it is nice.

I think what can be irritating is when you specifically asked somebody not to do something and they continue doing it?

Thats them just being an arsehole though to be fair if they know it winds you up in the long run surely?

"
They think they know better what is best for me... irritating toads

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

It’s good manners to walk on the outside to shield those next to you. I do this with children. I walk the road side.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Yes I think they would be. Nobody eats on their lap in this house. Never have. Apart from maybe toast in the morning. We sit at the dinner table. Not many do that. I get that families work different hours now but however many of us there are it’s at the table.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Love it when I see or meet someone with true old fashioned manners, there is no harm in it and unfortunately its a dying form now which is a shame.

If people take offence to it then they should be the ones to look at how they behave and re-evaluate things to realise its not done in an offensive way just because they are a "woman"

Yep

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I'm always mannerly and more than happy to open doors and walk on the outside of the pavement among other things despite getting some negative feedback from a few women who told me they were more than capable of opening doors and didn't need some man to do it for them.

I'm comfortable offering to pay for a meal etc but I'm equally comfortable accepting when someone offers to split the bill.

Being a gent and having manners shouldn't mean others take advantage of you and it should mean you are mannerly towards everyone and not just the opposite sex.

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Manners are principally an expression of consideration for other people and that means doing things (or not doing them) even if it's not necessary but simply because it might make them more at ease.

For instance, someone might not object to your 21 gun salute after a good curry but the polite thing to do would be to refrain unless you have actually established that.

Do people seriously... SERIOUSLY do that?"

Exaggeration for comic effect. Although I wouldn't completely rule it out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"See I still like that kind of thing. It saddens me to think it will no longer be or men will be too scared to do it for fear of a kick off

I now fear offering to walk a lady/woman to their door because I've been ridiculed for it often enough that I now gauge whether it's 'safe' to offer to do so.

I don't understand it.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"See I still like that kind of thing. It saddens me to think it will no longer be or men will be too scared to do it for fear of a kick off

I now fear offering to walk a lady/woman to their door because I've been ridiculed for it often enough that I now gauge whether it's 'safe' to offer to do so.

I don't understand it."

Me neither. I really don’t. Sad times x

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By *pectressWoman
over a year ago

Midlothian

"Again would feel embarrassed if the lady said we are going Dutch I would always insist on paying is it an age thing I don't know x

Definitely like to pay my own way

Do you think it has something to do with not wanting to feel "indebted"? "

Possibly - but it’s more that I like to feel independent and i would like a guy to see me as their equal

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