FabSwingers.com forum: Forgiveness.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Are you forgiving, or do you hold onto grudges?

If someone has really hurt you, whether it’s physically/mentally/emotionally, how do you let that go and forgive?

Do you believe you should forgive?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends what the crime was

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not forgiving...I see it as a weakness because ultimately the only person that hurts from it is me (you...who ever)

I am that person who will simply just walk away...but mull over a lot...

Now I look back and wish there were some grudges to have been out to one side but those opportunities are gone. Pride is a hard thing at times.

As I’m getting older I’m changing and this is for the better.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends what the crime was

Could be anything I guess?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m not forgiving...I see it as a weakness because ultimately the only person that hurts from it is me (you...who ever)

I am that person who will simply just walk away...but mull over a lot...

Now I look back and wish there were some grudges to have been out to one side but those opportunities are gone. Pride is a hard thing at times.

As I’m getting older I’m changing and this is for the better. "

Changing in terms of how you forgive, or don’t?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll never forget if someone has been nasty to me, crossed me, let me down or hurt me.

I can really hold a grudge because I've been let down more often than I've been supported in life and I don't want to keep getting hurt.

I do however also remember those few, special people who have been 100 percent genuine and have shown me nothing but kindness and support.

I've seen how spiteful many are on Fab but there are one or two gems who deseve the best in life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m not forgiving...I see it as a weakness because ultimately the only person that hurts from it is me (you...who ever)

I am that person who will simply just walk away...but mull over a lot...

Now I look back and wish there were some grudges to have been out to one side but those opportunities are gone. Pride is a hard thing at times.

As I’m getting older I’m changing and this is for the better. "

Exactly this...my lack of ability to forgive is my worst trait. I rarely give anyone more than one chance..but I'm trying to be better

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends what the crime was

Could be anything I guess? "

Very true. Some things can't be forgiven i think, it's a cruel world!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Forgiveness is different from reconciliation. There have been some people I’ve forgiven but don’t want in my life. Boundaries are important and some people are toxic. I forgive mainly for my benefit. If I have unforgiveness then the other person still has power over my thoughts and feelings.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'll never forget if someone has been nasty to me, crossed me, let me down or hurt me.

I can really hold a grudge because I've been let down more often than I've been supported in life and I don't want to keep getting hurt.

I do however also remember those few, special people who have been 100 percent genuine and have shown me nothing but kindness and support.

I've seen how spiteful many are on Fab but there are one or two gems who deseve the best in life. "

Do you think there’s a difference between forgiving and forgetting though?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Forgiveness is different from reconciliation. There have been some people I’ve forgiven but don’t want in my life. Boundaries are important and some people are toxic. I forgive mainly for my benefit. If I have unforgiveness then the other person still has power over my thoughts and feelings. "

I like this, you make good points.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sometimes too forgiving with people I love, yet other times I'm able to just walk away and cut them out of my life.

I try not to hold grudges though because they are pointless.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I generally forgive. Anything else is too much of a weight to carry.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I probably forgive too easily but I just can't be arsed to spend the energy in being negative/angry with people. It won't bother them of I stay mad at them. The only person it ultimately affects is me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m not forgiving...I see it as a weakness because ultimately the only person that hurts from it is me (you...who ever)

I am that person who will simply just walk away...but mull over a lot...

Now I look back and wish there were some grudges to have been out to one side but those opportunities are gone. Pride is a hard thing at times.

As I’m getting older I’m changing and this is for the better.

Changing in terms of how you forgive, or don’t?"

So perspective long story short

... by forgiving someone who’s betrayed my through lies or whatever the circumstances opens up the opportunity to hurt me..thus as a younger person would simply walk away...close connections isn’t something I’d had nor wanted so It’s protective measures. However if someone is going to lie about insignificant things then where’s the trust? Again if we forgive and move forward where does this leave us.??

After the work I’ve done for many years .(perpetrator/victims/emergency response/mental health..along with study or psychology) I look more at why people do what they do...what’s behind the behaviour and perhaps whilst not forgiving I do understand why people do these things and so am more forgiving and less likely the grudge depending on the person and their ability to converse around what’s happened....

Does that make sense? I think I’ve waffled

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I probably forgive too easily but I just can't be arsed to spend the energy in being negative/angry with people. It won't bother them of I stay mad at them. The only person it ultimately affects is me. "

Agreed, it hurts you, not them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I rarely if ever hold a grudge but I don't always forgive either

I don't believe forgiveness is necessary to move on with your life but I do think acceptance of a slight or wrongdoing is. I can let go of something bad someone has done to me without forgiving them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m not forgiving...I see it as a weakness because ultimately the only person that hurts from it is me (you...who ever)

I am that person who will simply just walk away...but mull over a lot...

Now I look back and wish there were some grudges to have been out to one side but those opportunities are gone. Pride is a hard thing at times.

As I’m getting older I’m changing and this is for the better.

Changing in terms of how you forgive, or don’t?

So perspective long story short

Does that make sense? I think I’ve waffled

Absolutely makes sense, I think being able to look at the root of peoples behaviours is very important, it’s never that simple is it?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I rarely if ever hold a grudge but I don't always forgive either

I don't believe forgiveness is necessary to move on with your life but I do think acceptance of a slight or wrongdoing is. I can let go of something bad someone has done to me without forgiving them."

So, letting it go is the important part?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m not forgiving...I see it as a weakness because ultimately the only person that hurts from it is me (you...who ever)

I am that person who will simply just walk away...but mull over a lot...

Now I look back and wish there were some grudges to have been out to one side but those opportunities are gone. Pride is a hard thing at times.

As I’m getting older I’m changing and this is for the better.

Changing in terms of how you forgive, or don’t?

So perspective long story short

Does that make sense? I think I’ve waffled

Absolutely makes sense, I think being able to look at the root of peoples behaviours is very important, it’s never that simple is it?"

It’s what I enjoy most about the work I’ve done..remove all emotion from what’s going on sit back and listen without judgement...so much more starts to make sense...whilst you can’t justify what’s happened or say it’s ok...sometimes you can see how people got where they are or did what’s been done

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m not forgiving...I see it as a weakness because ultimately the only person that hurts from it is me (you...who ever)

I am that person who will simply just walk away...but mull over a lot...

Now I look back and wish there were some grudges to have been out to one side but those opportunities are gone. Pride is a hard thing at times.

As I’m getting older I’m changing and this is for the better.

Changing in terms of how you forgive, or don’t?

So perspective long story short

Does that make sense? I think I’ve waffled

Absolutely makes sense, I think being able to look at the root of peoples behaviours is very important, it’s never that simple is it?

Love this

. It’s a very good skill (not perhaps the right word, but you know what I mean) to cultivate.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

With friends and lovers I tend to walk away rather than forgive. I hang on to far too much though so i probably need to learn to forgive and completely let go.

With family though i can endlessly forgive and forget. My love is unconditional.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I've managed to forgive my dad for the physical and mental abuse I endured. It wasn't easy but I understand the why and I've moved on from it. It was to energy zapping to walk around life with all that negative energy.

I'm in the process of getting to the point of forgiveness to my ex husband. That's been hard because he used the abuse I endured by my dad as a tool. But I'm getting there slowly.

On fab I mean I guess it's a matter of perspective. Is someone on here going to physically or sexually assault me on the forum? Are they going to emotionally abuse me or gaslight me? So yeah someone on here may annoy me or upset me a bit. But they're not going to do me lasting damage and holding on to resentment for little slights in life only hurt you more in the long run.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've managed to forgive my dad for the physical and mental abuse I endured. It wasn't easy but I understand the why and I've moved on from it. It was to energy zapping to walk around life with all that negative energy.

I'm in the process of getting to the point of forgiveness to my ex husband. That's been hard because he used the abuse I endured by my dad as a tool. But I'm getting there slowly.

I really hear this

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I can forgive depending on what happens but I don't forget and if they do it again then I walk away.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't say I hold onto grudges. I'm forgiving but only to those I care a great deal for. I think you've got to ask yourself is this person really worth it?

I'm probably happier for forgiving certain people and I know now it was the right thing to do. It's good to remember that forgiveness doesn't mean what they did was ok, but sometimes it's a good thing to do just for peace of mind, even if you never have anything to do with that person again.

But saying all of that ^ I do not let people walk all over me and there does a come a point where I'll distance myself or completely cut back from people that hurt hurt me.

I don't blame people for holding grudges and refusing to forgive because when someone you care for hurts you it's fucking awful.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

I like this, you make good points."

Thanks. That said forgiveness isn’t always easy.

I’ve been fortunate enough in life that I’ve rarely had to forgive anything really big or difficult. I appreciate that for others this will be harder.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ovebjsMan
over a year ago

Bristol

Minor stuff is easy to forgive as we all fuck up fron time to time and it’s not always malicious intent.

What I can never get my head around is people forgiving a killer or someone who has gone out of their way to do harm to another person without good reason.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Life is too short for grudges but forgiveness can be difficult.

I find myself in this position at the moment. I'm a little hurt after being promised they wouldn't hurt me. I take a slice of blame in a way but the lie is what has hurt.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Life is too short for grudges but forgiveness can be difficult.

I find myself in this position at the moment. I'm a little hurt after being promised they wouldn't hurt me. I take a slice of blame in a way but the lie is what has hurt.

I’m sorry

. Sometimes I think we’re too close to it, and a little time will allow healing?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can be.

I’ve looked after my father for 18 years. He really didn’t deserve it.

I use his first name except to his face where I don’t call him anything. This way I distance him from the man I knew.

He’s days, or perhaps a few weeks from passing now.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I rarely if ever hold a grudge but I don't always forgive either

I don't believe forgiveness is necessary to move on with your life but I do think acceptance of a slight or wrongdoing is. I can let go of something bad someone has done to me without forgiving them.

So, letting it go is the important part?"

For me, yes. However letting go comes quite easily for me if I have an understanding of why a person has or is doing something. If I can't understand it I have accept it and that takes me longer.

If forgiveness is acceptance without holding a grudge then I can do that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can be.

I’ve looked after my father for 18 years. He really didn’t deserve it.

I use his first name except to his face where I don’t call him anything. This way I distance him from the man I knew.

He’s days, or perhaps a few weeks from passing now. "

That must be really hard in many ways. Sending hugs to you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I can be.

I’ve looked after my father for 18 years. He really didn’t deserve it.

I use his first name except to his face where I don’t call him anything. This way I distance him from the man I knew.

He’s days, or perhaps a few weeks from passing now. "

Is he, I'm sorry.

I understand.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I rarely if ever hold a grudge but I don't always forgive either

I don't believe forgiveness is necessary to move on with your life but I do think acceptance of a slight or wrongdoing is. I can let go of something bad someone has done to me without forgiving them.

So, letting it go is the important part?

For me, yes. However letting go comes quite easily for me if I have an understanding of why a person has or is doing something. If I can't understand it I have accept it and that takes me longer.

If forgiveness is acceptance without holding a grudge then I can do that."

I think understanding it goes a long way towards being able to forgive

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think true forgiveness needs one to forget. And I'm not great at that.

I try and acknowledge and understand. Acknowledge the actions and seek to understand the why. We are all victims of victims. That way I make peace and it doesn't continue to be a burden I carry.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tephanjMan
over a year ago

Kettering

As I have got older ,I have found that I can just let things go. Life is too short and at my age very short lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urplechesterCouple
over a year ago

chester

I think to truly forgive means that you have acknowledged the hurt they caused, and moved on in your own mind! One of my fave sayings is “If you never heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you”. I have this on my fridge as a daily reminder. I’m a naturally forgiving person, but I also have limits! There are two humans who I will never ever forgive for their toxic behaviour towards my children, but I’ve moved on from what they did to me! Miss pc

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Life is too short for grudges but forgiveness can be difficult.

I find myself in this position at the moment. I'm a little hurt after being promised they wouldn't hurt me. I take a slice of blame in a way but the lie is what has hurt.

I’m sorry

. Sometimes I think we’re too close to it, and a little time will allow healing? "

I'll bounce back but taking a bit of time for myself first.

Smashing concrete with a sledge hammer works too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

I don’t need to forgive to forget, grudges do no one harm but yourself.

Depending on the severity of what has happened, I move past it or as some things aren’t forgivable or forgettable, I just cut the toxic out of my life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Is holding a grudge a bad thing? Does it automatically make you bitter?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"I think true forgiveness needs one to forget. And I'm not great at that.

I try and acknowledge and understand. Acknowledge the actions and seek to understand the why. We are all victims of victims. That way I make peace and it doesn't continue to be a burden I carry. "

I disagree about forgetting. I think that’s unlikely anyway.

However some people live rent free in our heads. They occupy our thoughts. Forgiveness can serve them an eviction notice. Then we can be free to get on with our own lives without them polluting our thoughts.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is holding a grudge a bad thing? Does it automatically make you bitter?"

I don't think it makes you bitter. But I think carrying around anger and resentment for someone can be very draining and doesn't do you any good.

I used to hold grudges against people but learning to not give a shit, especially about people who really aren't worth it was one of the best things I did. I just fuck people off now and I feel so much better for not dwelling on it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on what it is somethings can’t be forgiven or forgotten

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

When new people join the forum, people often say "Forums Can Be Unforgiving"

Famous saying "Never A Truer Word Spoken In Jest"

Says it all - Gone!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When new people join the forum, people often say "Forums Can Be Unforgiving"

Famous saying "Never A Truer Word Spoken In Jest"

Says it all - Gone!!!"

I think maybe that’s true though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"Depends on what it is somethings can’t be forgiven or forgotten "

I think there is very little that can’t be. I read a book about the Truth and Reconciliation process that took part in South Africa at the fall of apartheid. It was led by Desmond Tutu with the sponsorship of Nelson Mandela. It is one of the most powerful and moving things I’ve ever heard.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone has badly wronged you then I think it's on them to ask forgiveness or at least apologise and acknowledge their actions. If they did that and it was sincere I absolutely would forgive them.

Otherwise I don't forgive but try and let go of any anger as that only harms myself. Unless a chance to get revenge crops up in which case watch out !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you forgiving, or do you hold onto grudges?

If someone has really hurt you, whether it’s physically/mentally/emotionally, how do you let that go and forgive?

Do you believe you should forgive?"

If I receive a sincere apology I'll forgive...but sometimes we can't forget as it's just not possible to erase from our minds

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you forgiving, or do you hold onto grudges?

If someone has really hurt you, whether it’s physically/mentally/emotionally, how do you let that go and forgive?

Do you believe you should forgive?"

Usually I tend to, but sometimes I hold grudges if what they done is really unforgivable.

I can count tho on one hand the people I really have a grudge on

The rest I eventually purge out of my system which probably is for the best

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also the people who done me wrong bad there’s no sorry or repenting they could do to fix what they done to me …x

They can go suck the tiiniest mostly rancid dick ….

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly... The only person it hurts is you. Let it go, move on. Sometimes writing an unsent letter helps

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"Are you forgiving, or do you hold onto grudges?

If someone has really hurt you, whether it’s physically/mentally/emotionally, how do you let that go and forgive?

Do you believe you should forgive?

If I receive a sincere apology I'll forgive...but sometimes we can't forget as it's just not possible to erase from our minds

While it’s good if the other person is sorry or remorseful I don’t think it’s a prerequisite to forgiveness. And I might not be ready. I wouldn’t let their apologies try to drive the agenda or time line on my process of forgiveness. Strong boundaries are important.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Exactly... The only person it hurts is you. Let it go, move on. Sometimes writing an unsent letter helps "

The unsent letters are a great way to get it all out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Exactly... The only person it hurts is you. Let it go, move on. Sometimes writing an unsent letter helps "

Oh I like this idea.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I don’t hold onto grudges for anything small. Life’s too short. But there are things I cannot forgive and don’t need to in order to carry on with life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Exactly... The only person it hurts is you. Let it go, move on. Sometimes writing an unsent letter helps

Oh I like this idea."

Burning it afterwards in some sort of ritual can be a great way to get closure too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly... The only person it hurts is you. Let it go, move on. Sometimes writing an unsent letter helps

Oh I like this idea.

Burning it afterwards in some sort of ritual can be a great way to get closure too. "

Wrapping it round a brick and throwing it through their window works for me

(joke, honesty

)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mpathic consentMan
over a year ago

london

There will be those that will want forgiveness and those that do not, both are water from the same well, forgive but not forget if only for your own empowerment of knowing your future boundaries. It develops strength within you which projects confidence which undermined those that may have wronged you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Exactly... The only person it hurts is you. Let it go, move on. Sometimes writing an unsent letter helps

Oh I like this idea.

Burning it afterwards in some sort of ritual can be a great way to get closure too.

Wrapping it round a brick and throwing it through their window works for me

(joke, honesty

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Exactly... The only person it hurts is you. Let it go, move on. Sometimes writing an unsent letter helps

Oh I like this idea.

Burning it afterwards in some sort of ritual can be a great way to get closure too.

Wrapping it round a brick and throwing it through their window works for me

(joke, honesty

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends on who it is,what they did and if trust has been damaged.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I'm probably too forgiving.

And i can't even spell gerruge.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually get my hexing books out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rivateparts!Man
over a year ago

Walking down the only road I've ever known!

I forgive but never forget.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

Guys more readily forgive than women!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

[Removed by poster at 16/08/21 19:20:43]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I can forgive many things, some things I probably can't ever.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Usually forgiving but it’s time that usually heals it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

No not really

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a very forgiving person, I won't allow someone to repeat the behaviour, but I will forgive and move on, life is to short to hold grudges and negative feelings.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Guys more readily forgive than women!"

Would you expand on that?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i cannot forgive those who commit crimes against the weakest and youngest in society.

and the parents who let it happen.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the situation but generally I'm unforgiving

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I forgive everything as I've no room for other peoples negative residue in my life.

But I also remember, No do overs I just walk away

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am more indifferent than forgiving. There are very few people whose opinion I care about. That said, I can't remember ever being in a position to need to dispense forgiveness..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Depends what the crime was

^^^This. I will forgive minor infractions or things that can be fixed or whatever. But some things just can't be forgiven.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iBBWLondonWoman
over a year ago

London

"It's good to remember that forgiveness doesn't mean what they did was ok, but sometimes it's a good thing to do just for peace of mind, even if you never have anything to do with that person again. "

Yes, exactly this ^

Holding on to resentment only hurts you in the long run. It’s so much better for your mental health to forgive, let go and learn from it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ic_khan2341Man
over a year ago

Manchester

"Are you forgiving, or do you hold onto grudges?

If someone has really hurt you, whether it’s physically/mentally/emotionally, how do you let that go and forgive?

Do you believe you should forgive?"

Try and do the right thing but not always easy.

Forgive but remember the little fucker

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I never forgive or hold on to grudges, dont see the point. I just cut them from my life and forget they existed. Their loss, not mine.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *summmCouple
over a year ago

Aberdeen

What is forgiveness, I don't know, so how can I forgive if I don't know what it is.

I would love to know

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never used to. I used to be an angry, grudge-y bastard.

But as I've gone through life I've reached a point of forgiveness. Someone forgave me and it changed my whole perspective.

Now I know I don't need to hold onto the anger and pain. It does nothing for me. It doesn't help me heal and it doesn't negatively affect the other person, just me.

Now I forgive. It might not be straight away but I will. I might not let the person back in my life but I will forgive them. I don't need to be carrying that sort of energy around with me. I'm not interested anymore. I just want to surround myself with good people, good spirits and have a calm, drama free life

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's good to remember that forgiveness doesn't mean what they did was ok, but sometimes it's a good thing to do just for peace of mind, even if you never have anything to do with that person again.

Yes, exactly this ^

Holding on to resentment only hurts you in the long run. It’s so much better for your mental health to forgive, let go and learn from it."

I should have read the thread first, this is exactly what I mean ^

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

If its a minor betrayal I can forgive over time, but if someone has gone out of their to deliberately upset me and they are a so called friend then I struggle to forgive or forget .

That's when my not so nice side comes out .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"If its a minor betrayal I can forgive over time, but if someone has gone out of their to deliberately upset me and they are a so called friend then I struggle to forgive or forget .

That's when my not so nice side comes out ."

Thing is op says “really” hurt you. I don’t think it means negativity or grudges if you don’t forgive. I wouldn’t forgive if someone really hurt me. I’d cut them off and forget about them. End of

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"If its a minor betrayal I can forgive over time, but if someone has gone out of their to deliberately upset me and they are a so called friend then I struggle to forgive or forget .

That's when my not so nice side comes out .

Yes if they really hurt me I'd struggle to ever talk to them again , I guess it's more if it was done on purpose or not

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only ever really hurt by one person physically, mentally and emotionally.

I could never ever forgive

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone does me wrong purposefully, they're the weaker person. I use that experience to make me a stronger person. I move on, they'll still be them. I neither hold a grudge nor forgive, unless they apologise or try and make good then I'd thank them. I wouldn't trust them again though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I might forgive, I never forget.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If its a minor betrayal I can forgive over time, but if someone has gone out of their to deliberately upset me and they are a so called friend then I struggle to forgive or forget .

That's when my not so nice side comes out .

What if you can’t cut them off? For reasons …

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evil-AngelWoman
over a year ago

...

I forgive, for my peace of mind not theirs. My inner thoughts and feelings only affect me not them and I choose not to allow the negativity affect me too much.

This doesn't mean I brush it under the carpet and pretend it didn't happen. If it was a big enough issue that I need to move on from that person then I will.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iBBWLondonWoman
over a year ago

London

"It's good to remember that forgiveness doesn't mean what they did was ok, but sometimes it's a good thing to do just for peace of mind, even if you never have anything to do with that person again.

Yes, exactly this ^

Holding on to resentment only hurts you in the long run. It’s so much better for your mental health to forgive, let go and learn from it.

I should have read the thread first, this is exactly what I mean ^"
m

You said it better and more comprehensively, though

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"If its a minor betrayal I can forgive over time, but if someone has gone out of their to deliberately upset me and they are a so called friend then I struggle to forgive or forget .

That's when my not so nice side comes out .

What if you can’t cut them off? For reasons …"

Difficult one. I don’t really know! I have a family member (an in-law) who I will tolerate for the sake of other people but literally just a polite hello. I can’t pretend I’ve never been able to. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are you forgiving, or do you hold onto grudges?

If someone has really hurt you, whether it’s physically/mentally/emotionally, how do you let that go and forgive?

Do you believe you should forgive?"

I could live with shitty behaviour towards me once, after that i would never forive or forget.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn’t say I’m forgiving nor would I say I hold grudges, of course depends on the circumstances but if someone took me for granted let’s say it won’t happen again. If someone hurts me or breaks my trust I then, you won’t be around a 2nd time to do it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

No, not really. Depends on the intention of the other.....and how it was excuted.

One thing I try to do is not get angry (very hard!) Cos that's wasted negative energy.

If someone's got me angry the only person I can blame is me. Cos I've allowed them to ruin my day & thats my fault!

I don't harbour a grudge. Just move on. Life is far too short.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iBBWLondonWoman
over a year ago

London

"If its a minor betrayal I can forgive over time, but if someone has gone out of their to deliberately upset me and they are a so called friend then I struggle to forgive or forget .

That's when my not so nice side comes out .

What if you can’t cut them off? For reasons …

I’m in a similar experience to this, but my in-laws retired abroad a long time ago, so I guess this makes my approach a lot easier to exercise than it would be for others. I forgave them a long time ago for what happened but, for my own well-being and happiness, I choose not to socialise with them. Ever. I don’t bad-mouth them and I don’t, nor have I ever, wished them any ill-will or harm; I’m simply not that type of person, but I’ve created a boundary that won’t let their behaviour affect me any more.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I'm very forgiving everybody deserves a second chance. But I think it's important to never forget wrong me once shame on you wrong me twice shame on me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

That’s a very sensible and well thought out comment sir

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"If its a minor betrayal I can forgive over time, but if someone has gone out of their to deliberately upset me and they are a so called friend then I struggle to forgive or forget .

That's when my not so nice side comes out .

What if you can’t cut them off? For reasons …

It's very difficult when the person in question is your mother. Currently legally obliged to speak to her

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *yronMan
over a year ago

grangemouth

I do eventually forgive people, but it usually takes time to do so.

That said, some people like to hold grudges, no matter what I do.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andsCouple
over a year ago

Edin

Hold a grudge forever

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread