FabSwingers.com forum: A new sub

By *yron69 OP Man
over a year ago

Fareham

What shall I do with her? X

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By *acDreamyMan
over a year ago

Wirral

Dominate?

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By *yron69 OP Man
over a year ago

Fareham

"Dominate? "

Yes but how? I’m new to this x

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Did they not tell you how they like to be dominated?

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Buy her a sandwich?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it kinda worrying that your asking a bunch of strangers that question instead of her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d get her in the kitchen making a bacon roll personally

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Eat her, I love the new Turkey Cali Fresh sub.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First thing to learn is that the sub actually has the power

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aw bless...

First I would suggest you set her some tasks...

one could be to write down what she feels it is to be a sub, and how she would like to be treated by her dom.

Then she is to sit naked or scantily infront of you and read her essay...

set a deadline... if she does not complete the task satisfactorily then explain that there are consequences...

ask her to lay across your lap and lightly smack her ass (it's a 1st offence)

afterwards hold her close and talk about how you each felt, her writing, reading, and how you felt her doing those things... then if relevant discuss how you each felt about punishment. if you didn't spank, ask her how she would feel if you had.

how did you feel

finally ask if the close aftercare was appreciated, more, less? different?

like sex you need to pick up on the miriad messages and tells as you explore your dynamic...

HTH

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I've got some ironing she could do.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I don’t know much about this kind of thing but aren’t you supposed to discuss it with her?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always spicy Italian, was never a fan of that meatball one. Vile!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suggest that you unpack her and then fetch your pump

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By *hysoseriouslyMan
over a year ago

Kent

"First thing to learn is that the sub actually has the power"

What he said

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"I don’t know much about this kind of thing but aren’t you supposed to discuss it with her? "

But then we wouldn't know what a stud he is.

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By *hysoseriouslyMan
over a year ago

Kent

"I don’t know much about this kind of thing but aren’t you supposed to discuss it with her? "

Absolutely this. It’s a relationship. And each D/s one is different (because all humans are different) so just talk and explore what both of your needs are.

It’s exciting to have a new start

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

Please do some research and talk to the poor woman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From the female perspective this time.

I think you would probably benefit from doing a bit of research into what a D/s dynamic entails and understand exactly where the power lies ……that’s not with you.

Dominance isn’t just about tying someone up and ordering them about. Your sub needs to truly trust you and be willing to give herself to you.

You need to communicate with her and understand where her boundaries are (and yours of course)

You could get plenty suggestions here but they may not be appropriate for either of you if you are both new to exploring this dynamic.

Start simple, communicate, see how things evolve and do a bit of research.

Seiko

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What shall I do with her? X"

OP I really do hope she isn't a forumite and seeing that her new dom is inexperienced and unaware of how to establish knowledge of her needs and is asking a forum.

I fully understand that everyone has to start somewhere but my advice to you is to do your research and learn your role before you take on a sub.

If I were the sub (and this is exactly why I can never be one) if I sensed hesitation, lack of knowledge or inexperience I would stop the interaction or switch roles and exploit your weaknesses...

This reply is not a negative dig against you, I assure you of that but more a friendly nod to say that this dynamic is not an easy one to take on and rightfully deserves and requires learning and knowledge to bring total satisfaction for all.

Good luck

NBVN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk to her ask her what she wants from the dynamic

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

I'd say before you do anything at all you need to sit down together & have a long, very honest, discussion about being a Dominant and submissive means to you and what your limits etc are. D/s dynamics are all completely different and are built around the individuals involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Always spicy Italian, was never a fan of that meatball one. Vile!"

Once did an outdoor gig in Rotherham and it was really loud. So I joked onstage saying if they can hear me at the Subway I’d like a meatball 6inch on hearty Italian with a .

Halfway through the next song a nice staff member walked up and placed my order on the stage then walked off.

Pub got into trouble for the noise and it was in the papers! (Not the sandwich bit)

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

Buy her a puppy

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Also I'd like to just because one sub like xyz doesn't mean I would.

The only way to proceed in my opinion is via a discussion between you and your partner before you even contemplate even starting a scene. Else you both could end up in a whole heap of trouble emotionally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Set boundaries . Mrs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op as the "dom" how do you see your role in the dynamic?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Always spicy Italian, was never a fan of that meatball one. Vile!

Once did an outdoor gig in Rotherham and it was really loud. So I joked onstage saying if they can hear me at the Subway I’d like a meatball 6inch on hearty Italian with a .

Halfway through the next song a nice staff member walked up and placed my order on the stage then walked off.

Pub got into trouble for the noise and it was in the papers! (Not the sandwich bit) "

class!

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

An alternative view is that everyone is taking this far too seriously. I suspect OP is seeking people to set out some sexy scenerios and not seeking advice on being a dominant as generally understood by the fetish community.

But without further input from OP I am not sure I am able to comment further.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Buy her a puppy

And a kitten , some silly string, ample abouts of glitter ( I use edible glitter these days) and sweets

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By *yron69 OP Man
over a year ago

Fareham

"An alternative view is that everyone is taking this far too seriously. I suspect OP is seeking people to set out some sexy scenerios and not seeking advice on being a dominant as generally understood by the fetish community.

But without further input from OP I am not sure I am able to comment further."

You are dead right. Just a bit of fun as I intend to have with the girl x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Buy her a puppy

And a kitten , some silly string, ample abouts of glitter ( I use edible glitter these days) and sweets

This sounds fun

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By *ainbowCheesecakeCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

There are a tonne of checklists online for various bdsm activities, it can be fun together to print them off and sit and tick off what you are definitely interested in or might be interested in. Opens alot of chat and you find out exactly where you stand. Just be careful if delving in further to make sure you read up on rack and ssc. They're your main safety principles. Ropework can be a fun start. Tonnes of guides again on YouTube and very fun to sit and slowly do them on your partner. Good luck, have fun with it and feel free to message for any advice (can also send you the sheets we use if needed)

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"Buy her a puppy

And buy 2 dog leads and collars - 1 for the puppy and 1 for her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What shall I do with her? X"

If you don't know then nip it in the bud. It might just lead to her having a "bad Dom experience" and I can't be fucked to see another thread about that on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Buy her a puppy

And a kitten , some silly string, ample abouts of glitter ( I use edible glitter these days) and sweets

This sounds fun

Im sure my Dom would agree with you

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By *urvySub87Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

Most important part of any D/S dynamic is communication. You need to talk to her, find out what kind of sub she is.

Is she a masochist? Does she like to be degraded or humiliated? If yes what does she like about it, what doesn't she like about it. Set out some ground rules and discuss each others limits and a safe word. And please please please talk about aftercare. Once play is over does she like to be cuddled, stroked, spoken gently to, told jokes. It's all important to know and then have loads of fun learning about each other and exploring the fun world of BDSM

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What shall I do with her? X"

She doesn't come with a manual, I take it?

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Size the bracelet.

Align the bezel.

Give it a little wipe with a microfiber.

Oh, wrong kind of sub.

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

"Buy her a puppy

And a kitten , some silly string, ample abouts of glitter ( I use edible glitter these days) and sweets

Also a slinky and rock em sock em robots

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By *andsome HandMan
over a year ago

roundabout

The tango, it's sultry, sensual and possibly the sexiest of all dances

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Explore the Mariana Trench?

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By *oudLoutishLoverWoman
over a year ago

Colchester

"First thing to learn is that the sub actually has the power"

This.

It may seem odd to ask what a submissive wants, but it really is the best way to ascertain what she’s into, otherwise you could get it horribly wrong and she'll think you’re either inept, or dangerous.

My first sub would never tell me because everything HAD to be against his will and surprising. This is bollocks and he was a twat anyway, but I digress…

A good way is to ask them to send links to video clips they find particularly arousing. This should give you an idea without getting them to fill in a questionnaire!

But the sub does indeed have the power. We serve them far more than they serve us, bless 'em!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The sub does not hold all the power. It’s a power exchange, and the balance of power is equal. You can’t have one without the other.

First thing would be to discuss limits (hard and soft), boundaries, consent and safe words.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Shave her head, tattoo your name on her ass and get her a septum piercing with a chain attached to show her you are in charge!

Or you could talk to her about both of your expectations, experience level, desires, hopes, fantasies etc.

A D/s dynamic is just a relationship with some additional rules and activities.

Communication, negotiation and consent are key principles to bear in mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I would start by sitting down with her and disscussing expectations (for what you both want from the dynamic), limits, hard limits, punishable behaviours, acceptable forms of punishment, what her pain threshold is so how hard these punishments can be, what toys are acceptable during play and which are off limits safe words etc, drawing up some sort of contract so your both on the same page before you 'do anything' to her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What shall I do with her? X

She doesn't come with a manual, I take it?"

Well there was probably a piece of paper in the box, but it didn’t have diagrams like IKEA and was all in Chinese. And as we know men don’t read instructions - it hurts their Domly pride.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What shall I do with her? X

She doesn't come with a manual, I take it?

Well there was probably a piece of paper in the box, but it didn’t have diagrams like IKEA and was all in Chinese. And as we know men don’t read instructions - it hurts their Domly pride.

Plus there's usually a graphic showing the need to involve more than one person when following the instructions!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi new sub

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d ask subway for their specials

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By *ilent...BobMan
over a year ago

Shushhhhhhyourmouthville

If you love her, set her free

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Build some trust and talk about what you both want

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m sorry op this question alone seems to me that you haven’t invulged in this before! I’d suggest speaking to the person in question and speaking about this! It’s not a one sock fits all!

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