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 fine whatever.
Fast forward about 7 weeks and he's messaged on fab. Polite enough, then asks for sex. I thought he had changed his mind about seeing me and that's why he ghosted me.
"Only in a dating sense"
....yeah thanks mate. Good enough to fuck but not good enough to be taken out for a 5guys milkshake. This is why my self esteem is through the floor and I hate dating | |||
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"Every year I try a dating site. See if I can find "the one". This year I did it again, got chatting to a guy, turned out he's on fab too. I explained that I wanted more than just sex, he was fine with that. Organised a date and then he ghosted me fine whatever.
Fast forward about 7 weeks and he's messaged on fab. Polite enough, then asks for sex. I thought he had changed his mind about seeing me and that's why he ghosted me.
"Only in a dating sense"
....yeah thanks mate. Good enough to fuck but not good enough to be taken out for a 5guys milkshake. This is why my self esteem is through the floor and I hate dating " | |||
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"I've had exactly the same conversation with someone today!" It makes me feel like shit and it shouldn't because I know it's them but it still does | |||
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"Every year I try a dating site. See if I can find "the one". This year I did it again, got chatting to a guy, turned out he's on fab too. I explained that I wanted more than just sex, he was fine with that. Organised a date and then he ghosted me fine whatever.
Fast forward about 7 weeks and he's messaged on fab. Polite enough, then asks for sex. I thought he had changed his mind about seeing me and that's why he ghosted me.
"Only in a dating sense"
....yeah thanks mate. Good enough to fuck but not good enough to be taken out for a 5guys milkshake. This is why my self esteem is through the floor and I hate dating "Love the profile and pics....very sexy and any man who thinks different is a fool.....happily have you on my arm on a night out....x | |||
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"I've had exactly the same conversation with someone today! It makes me feel like shit and it shouldn't because I know it's them but it still does" Same but at the end of the day its their loss. Someone will come along when you least expect it x | |||
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"No your self esteem is through the floor because you have allowed another persons reaction to you to estimate your value. You know what? I bet you are a bloody brilliant person really and that you could find your own value. Self define lovely, give yourself worth. Confidence is not just sexy, it is desirable in a partner, but when you have built that confidence you may decide you don’t need a partner at all. " He’s right, you need to work on your self confidence. Also, stop looking for ‘the one’ and enjoy meeting/dating whoever you like. The one will find you  | |||
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"Every year I try a dating site. See if I can find "the one". This year I did it again, got chatting to a guy, turned out he's on fab too. I explained that I wanted more than just sex, he was fine with that. Organised a date and then he ghosted me fine whatever.
Fast forward about 7 weeks and he's messaged on fab. Polite enough, then asks for sex. I thought he had changed his mind about seeing me and that's why he ghosted me.
"Only in a dating sense"
....yeah thanks mate. Good enough to fuck but not good enough to be taken out for a 5guys milkshake. This is why my self esteem is through the floor and I hate dating "Dont give your power away. Choose not to allow him to make you feel anything, its up to you to do that. You can choose to take it back  | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you" His loss not yours.  | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you" I don't know you so I won't patronise. Nothing about you says 'not good enough to date' I've just had a look at your profile and I would definitely meet you and see if we clicked | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you" Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you" It’s his issue not yours, he sounds pretty shallow, and so no loss to you. | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date " Be the person they want to date ??? Why should she be anything other than who she is and pander to some prat’s standards ? Why should she “tailor” herself to suit that moron, who obviously thinks she good enough to chag… | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date Be the person they want to date ??? Why should she be anything other than who she is and pander to some prat’s standards ? Why should she “tailor” herself to suit that moron, who obviously thinks she good enough to chag… " Me thoughts exactly | |||
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"So basically I need to change "No you don't. | |||
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"So basically I need to change "That doesn't necessarily involve not still being essentially 'you' Perhaps a change in mindset, expectations, choices made | |||
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"Sorry but the guy just wants sex - he knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. That doesn't make him shallow? Better than lying to you to get a bang out of it and then disappear. " Yeah this. Sounds like he only wanted a shag and was lying about wanting more/ dating. He did the right thing and disappeared rather than fucking and disappearing. He fancies the OP so asked for a shag on here. Take it as a compliment OP. | |||
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"So basically I need to change ". Never change for anyone you are your own person and stick to your guns Thay have to take you as you are or not at all | |||
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"Sorry but the guy just wants sex - he knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. That doesn't make him shallow? Better than lying to you to get a bang out of it and then disappear. Yeah this. Sounds like he only wanted a shag and was lying about wanting more/ dating. He did the right thing and disappeared rather than fucking and disappearing. He fancies the OP so asked for a shag on here. Take it as a compliment OP. "Fab is a site where men outnumber women 50-1. Him being desperate enough to get his cock sucked so he thought he'd try messaging me is not a compliment | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you" You are more than good enough.. | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date Be the person they want to date ??? Why should she be anything other than who she is and pander to some prat’s standards ? Why should she “tailor” herself to suit that moron, who obviously thinks she good enough to chag… " Ah fabs, where the idea of trying to be the best version of yourself is insulting
If your getting told left right and centre that your not good enough to date working on yourself might be a good idea | |||
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"Can't believe how many private messages I'm getting from guys defending his actions. If you just want sex that is what fab is for. Dating sites are for dating " But that would make it hard for them They can’t lie on fab to get in your knickers It’s easyer to bs you about wanting this that and the next thing and hump and dump I know I make agstments if say a guy wants to date than just out right bang me Yes my “standers” go down a bit when it comes to dateing as they have more to offer than sex and being hot | |||
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"So basically I need to change "As a wonderful mental health professional whom I admire and respect very much aptly puts it: "it's a him problem, not a you problem". No, you do not need change for others. And this man's behaviour is completely unacceptable. Not only he showed brutal disrespect when disappearing after you have arranged to meet, he has also shown that he has no basic decency as he seemed to have been clearly unashamed to approach you again. This is not only beyond rude but I suspect it shows casual misogyny and hipocricy as well - because this is what most often hides behind "good enough to have sex with, not good enough to date". Sex deserves the same respect as romance does (and friendship for that matter) and placing women in categories or Madonna/whore is a game as old as witch hunting. And of course it starts getting to you - it is a cumulative effect. Other people's reactions and treatment of us will affect us, it is inevitable. Case in point from a personal example - despite thinking about sex and desiring it a lot I rarely get to have it because male behaviour and attitudes over the years have made me incredibly guarded, both for my safety and my comfort. I insist on being treated as a human being and it reduces my options greatly but the alternative is not acceptable to me (I bet I am not the only one based on the fact that sex toy industry is booming!). One of the really valuable insights I learned from this brilliant therapist's workshops and writings has been this one - I trust myself to be OK, meaning that I trust that I will make myself OK and that I will be fine regardless what anyone else does to me because I will take care of myself and find ways to be fine and to be OK. It took some time to really settle in but I have started believing this maxim and it has been surprisingly effective. I don't know if this might be helpful to you but I thought I will share. | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date Be the person they want to date ??? Why should she be anything other than who she is and pander to some prat’s standards ? Why should she “tailor” herself to suit that moron, who obviously thinks she good enough to chag… Ah fabs, where the idea of trying to be the best version of yourself is insulting
If your getting told left right and centre that your not good enough to date working on yourself might be a good idea "She didn’t say she was getting told left right and centre. She doesn’t have to change for anyone. If some prick can’t see her worth why should she change for him? Or for anyone else for that matter? Also who says she already isn’t the best version of herself? She’s not letting other dictate how she feels - she’s human, if someone’s actions towards you aren’t good, then yeah you can feel hurt by it | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date Be the person they want to date ??? Why should she be anything other than who she is and pander to some prat’s standards ? Why should she “tailor” herself to suit that moron, who obviously thinks she good enough to chag… Ah fabs, where the idea of trying to be the best version of yourself is insulting
If your getting told left right and centre that your not good enough to date working on yourself might be a good idea
She didn’t say she was getting told left right and centre.
She doesn’t have to change for anyone.
If some prick can’t see her worth why should she change for him? Or for anyone else for that matter?
Also who says she already isn’t the best version of herself?
She’s not letting other dictate how she feels - she’s human, if someone’s actions towards you aren’t good, then yeah you can feel hurt by it "Yeah stay the same then and keep getting treated the same The constant thing I keep seeing on these forums is “work on yourself” Not getting messages? work on your profile, work on your pics, get a better bio, work on getting involved with the social side of things at clubs and socials Working on yourself isn’t a negative. Thinking your too good to work on yourself is. Ultimately that’s all you can control | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date Be the person they want to date ??? Why should she be anything other than who she is and pander to some prat’s standards ? Why should she “tailor” herself to suit that moron, who obviously thinks she good enough to chag… Ah fabs, where the idea of trying to be the best version of yourself is insulting
If your getting told left right and centre that your not good enough to date working on yourself might be a good idea
She didn’t say she was getting told left right and centre.
She doesn’t have to change for anyone.
If some prick can’t see her worth why should she change for him? Or for anyone else for that matter?
Also who says she already isn’t the best version of herself?
She’s not letting other dictate how she feels - she’s human, if someone’s actions towards you aren’t good, then yeah you can feel hurt by it
Yeah stay the same then and keep getting treated the same
The constant thing I keep seeing on these forums is “work on yourself”
Not getting messages? work on your profile, work on your pics, get a better bio, work on getting involved with the social side of things at clubs and socials
Working on yourself isn’t a negative.
Thinking your too good to work on yourself is.
Ultimately that’s all you can control"Theta nothing wrong with working on yourself I agree - but do it for yourself, not to please others | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date Be the person they want to date ??? Why should she be anything other than who she is and pander to some prat’s standards ? Why should she “tailor” herself to suit that moron, who obviously thinks she good enough to chag… Ah fabs, where the idea of trying to be the best version of yourself is insulting
If your getting told left right and centre that your not good enough to date working on yourself might be a good idea
She didn’t say she was getting told left right and centre.
She doesn’t have to change for anyone.
If some prick can’t see her worth why should she change for him? Or for anyone else for that matter?
Also who says she already isn’t the best version of herself?
She’s not letting other dictate how she feels - she’s human, if someone’s actions towards you aren’t good, then yeah you can feel hurt by it
Yeah stay the same then and keep getting treated the same
The constant thing I keep seeing on these forums is “work on yourself”
Not getting messages? work on your profile, work on your pics, get a better bio, work on getting involved with the social side of things at clubs and socials
Working on yourself isn’t a negative.
Thinking your too good to work on yourself is.
Ultimately that’s all you can control
Theta nothing wrong with working on yourself I agree - but do it for yourself, not to please others "Agree. Fill your own cup  | |||
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"I've had exactly the same conversation with someone today! It makes me feel like shit and it shouldn't because I know it's them but it still does" He's pathetic. Would you really want a guy who can't be upfront and honest to tell you what he doesn't want. Don't think about him a moment longer! Lucky escape lovely x | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date Be the person they want to date ??? Why should she be anything other than who she is and pander to some prat’s standards ? Why should she “tailor” herself to suit that moron, who obviously thinks she good enough to chag… Ah fabs, where the idea of trying to be the best version of yourself is insulting
If your getting told left right and centre that your not good enough to date working on yourself might be a good idea
She didn’t say she was getting told left right and centre.
She doesn’t have to change for anyone.
If some prick can’t see her worth why should she change for him? Or for anyone else for that matter?
Also who says she already isn’t the best version of herself?
She’s not letting other dictate how she feels - she’s human, if someone’s actions towards you aren’t good, then yeah you can feel hurt by it
Yeah stay the same then and keep getting treated the same
The constant thing I keep seeing on these forums is “work on yourself”
Not getting messages? work on your profile, work on your pics, get a better bio, work on getting involved with the social side of things at clubs and socials
Working on yourself isn’t a negative.
Thinking your too good to work on yourself is.
Ultimately that’s all you can control
Theta nothing wrong with working on yourself I agree - but do it for yourself, not to please others "Exactly. This “you deserve the best hun” advice is so shallow and meaningless. It’s actually harmful. If you want to find a Prince Charming be prepared to work for it. You don’t get handed one purely because your a female | |||
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"Can't believe how many private messages I'm getting from guys defending his actions. If you just want sex that is what fab is for. Dating sites are for dating " It's a misconception that those are 'dating sites' As far as I'm concerned - they are easy hook-ups for sex.... There's a member further up the thread that mentioned, meeting people off here, enjoying their company and seeing where that takes you. Rather than having your goal being the one to date/FWB/relationship. Take your time and the right one will happen when you least expect it. | |||
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"£5.25 for a milkshake? "I'd have paid for my own lol | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date " How does one do that? | |||
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"Sorry but the guy just wants sex - he knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. That doesn't make him shallow? Better than lying to you to get a bang out of it and then disappear. Yeah this. Sounds like he only wanted a shag and was lying about wanting more/ dating. He did the right thing and disappeared rather than fucking and disappearing. He fancies the OP so asked for a shag on here. Take it as a compliment OP.
Fab is a site where men outnumber women 50-1. Him being desperate enough to get his cock sucked so he thought he'd try messaging me is not a compliment "You are on here too though. Swingers site for people looking for sex.
Maybe he didn't realise it's you when he messaged. | |||
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"Every year I try a dating site. See if I can find "the one". This year I did it again, got chatting to a guy, turned out he's on fab too. I explained that I wanted more than just sex, he was fine with that. Organised a date and then he ghosted me fine whatever.
Fast forward about 7 weeks and he's messaged on fab. Polite enough, then asks for sex. I thought he had changed his mind about seeing me and that's why he ghosted me.
"Only in a dating sense"
....yeah thanks mate. Good enough to fuck but not good enough to be taken out for a 5guys milkshake. This is why my self esteem is through the floor and I hate dating "Big hugs. It never feels good to be just one purpose person. 
You are worth more than that. You deserve more than that. | |||
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"If I was seriously looking for a relationship I wouldn't have sex with them for 3 to 6 months, to try to establish if that was all they wanted. " Same. No sex for months, just like being married.  | |||
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"If I was seriously looking for a relationship I wouldn't have sex with them for 3 to 6 months, to try to establish if that was all they wanted. " I have a 5 date rule, I think that's a fair number and gives both parties time to get to know each other | |||
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"If I was seriously looking for a relationship I wouldn't have sex with them for 3 to 6 months, to try to establish if that was all they wanted. Same. No sex for months, just like being married. "My ex husband's new girlfriend made him wait. | |||
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"If I was seriously looking for a relationship I wouldn't have sex with them for 3 to 6 months, to try to establish if that was all they wanted. I have a 5 date rule, I think that's a fair number and gives both parties time to get to know each other " 5 dates over how long? | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that?" I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is | |||
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"If I was seriously looking for a relationship I wouldn't have sex with them for 3 to 6 months, to try to establish if that was all they wanted. I have a 5 date rule, I think that's a fair number and gives both parties time to get to know each other 5 dates over how long? " However long it takes I guess | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is " And she could change lots about herself and still not be good enough for him. Why should we try to make others happy who just want a fuck? I'm honest about not wanting a boyfriend, which is why I don't join dating sites. | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is And she could change lots about herself and still not be good enough for him. Why should we try to make others happy who just want a fuck? I'm honest about not wanting a boyfriend, which is why I don't join dating sites. " Who says it was for him? It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. The happiest version And then as a plus, when Prince Charming does pop up, you’ll be confident knowing you’ve been looking after yourself so well | |||
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"If I was seriously looking for a relationship I wouldn't have sex with them for 3 to 6 months, to try to establish if that was all they wanted. I have a 5 date rule, I think that's a fair number and gives both parties time to get to know each other 5 dates over how long? However long it takes I guess " Do you really think seeing someone 5 times is enough to know they want something more than sex? I haven't dated anyone since before I got married. | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is And she could change lots about herself and still not be good enough for him. Why should we try to make others happy who just want a fuck? I'm honest about not wanting a boyfriend, which is why I don't join dating sites. Who says it was for him? It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. The happiest version And then as a plus, when Prince Charming does pop up, you’ll be confident knowing you’ve been looking after yourself so well " You said be the best person they want to date. | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. " Sex is a weapon to be used wisely.  | |||
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"If I was seriously looking for a relationship I wouldn't have sex with them for 3 to 6 months, to try to establish if that was all they wanted. I have a 5 date rule, I think that's a fair number and gives both parties time to get to know each other 5 dates over how long? However long it takes I guess " 3-5 dates seems very fair 3-6 months? You’ll only get the guys who literally can’t get anyone else like that. That’s just simply too long to wait especially if you both want it | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is And she could change lots about herself and still not be good enough for him. Why should we try to make others happy who just want a fuck? I'm honest about not wanting a boyfriend, which is why I don't join dating sites. Who says it was for him? It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. The happiest version And then as a plus, when Prince Charming does pop up, you’ll be confident knowing you’ve been looking after yourself so well You said be the best person they want to date. " Semantics, what I meant was being the best version of yourself that they’d want to date. Not thar you’d be doing it for them | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is And she could change lots about herself and still not be good enough for him. Why should we try to make others happy who just want a fuck? I'm honest about not wanting a boyfriend, which is why I don't join dating sites. Who says it was for him? It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. The happiest version And then as a plus, when Prince Charming does pop up, you’ll be confident knowing you’ve been looking after yourself so well " You're basically saying she isn't good enough to date and should seek help or change her ways to make herself a better person for the men to want to date. | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is And she could change lots about herself and still not be good enough for him. Why should we try to make others happy who just want a fuck? I'm honest about not wanting a boyfriend, which is why I don't join dating sites. Who says it was for him? It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. The happiest version And then as a plus, when Prince Charming does pop up, you’ll be confident knowing you’ve been looking after yourself so well You're basically saying she isn't good enough to date and should seek help or change her ways to make herself a better person for the men to want to date. " You make improving yourself sound so negative | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is And she could change lots about herself and still not be good enough for him. Why should we try to make others happy who just want a fuck? I'm honest about not wanting a boyfriend, which is why I don't join dating sites. Who says it was for him? It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. The happiest version And then as a plus, when Prince Charming does pop up, you’ll be confident knowing you’ve been looking after yourself so well You said be the best person they want to date. Semantics, what I meant was being the best version of yourself that they’d want to date. Not thar you’d be doing it for them" Why is there anything wrong with who she is now? He might have been just after sex and is the same with all women, and he should change his ways. | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is And she could change lots about herself and still not be good enough for him. Why should we try to make others happy who just want a fuck? I'm honest about not wanting a boyfriend, which is why I don't join dating sites. Who says it was for him? It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. The happiest version And then as a plus, when Prince Charming does pop up, you’ll be confident knowing you’ve been looking after yourself so well You're basically saying she isn't good enough to date and should seek help or change her ways to make herself a better person for the men to want to date. You make improving yourself sound so negative " Why does she need improving? Because some dicks just want to fuck and not date? | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is And she could change lots about herself and still not be good enough for him. Why should we try to make others happy who just want a fuck? I'm honest about not wanting a boyfriend, which is why I don't join dating sites. Who says it was for him? It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. The happiest version And then as a plus, when Prince Charming does pop up, you’ll be confident knowing you’ve been looking after yourself so well You said be the best person they want to date. Semantics, what I meant was being the best version of yourself that they’d want to date. Not thar you’d be doing it for them Why is there anything wrong with who she is now? He might have been just after sex and is the same with all women, and he should change his ways. " Why is there anything wrong with wanting to try and improve anyways? You’ve got a very negative view of self improvement No ones born perfect. We all have things to work on | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is " You have a lot of spare money/time thoughts ..... I can see her feeling really great after reading your post - and can't achieve most of those due to lack of the above I mentioned.... Any other ideas, on a more realistic 21 century lifestyle? | |||
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"If I was seriously looking for a relationship I wouldn't have sex with them for 3 to 6 months, to try to establish if that was all they wanted. I have a 5 date rule, I think that's a fair number and gives both parties time to get to know each other 5 dates over how long? However long it takes I guess Do you really think seeing someone 5 times is enough to know they want something more than sex? I haven't dated anyone since before I got married." I think if they're willing to put in the effort to meet up with you just so they can spend time with you and get to know you as a person it's a good start. I'm a strong believer that sex is a big part of a relationship but it's not everything. It's nice to find out if you have things in common and if there's chemistry. The date doesn't even have to cost money, a nice walk in the park having a chat is lovely. The best date I've been on was round a guys house playing super Mario cart on his console surrounded by chocolate | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is You have a lot of spare money/time thoughts ..... I can see her feeling really great after reading your post - and can't achieve most of those due to lack of the above I mentioned.... Any other ideas, on a more realistic 21 century lifestyle?" Small steps at a time | |||
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"If I was seriously looking for a relationship I wouldn't have sex with them for 3 to 6 months, to try to establish if that was all they wanted. I have a 5 date rule, I think that's a fair number and gives both parties time to get to know each other 5 dates over how long? However long it takes I guess Do you really think seeing someone 5 times is enough to know they want something more than sex? I haven't dated anyone since before I got married. I think if they're willing to put in the effort to meet up with you just so they can spend time with you and get to know you as a person it's a good start. I'm a strong believer that sex is a big part of a relationship but it's not everything. It's nice to find out if you have things in common and if there's chemistry. The date doesn't even have to cost money, a nice walk in the park having a chat is lovely. The best date I've been on was round a guys house playing super Mario cart on his console surrounded by chocolate " To be fair, that would be my ideal date too. I love Mario Kart | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. " It’s not about using it as a bargaining chip. It’s about getting to know someone, and knowing they are sticking around because they like you, but because you jump into bed with them. | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. It’s not about using it as a bargaining chip. It’s about getting to know someone, and knowing they are sticking around because they like you, but because you jump into bed with them." | |||
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"So basically I need to change "No ..you don't at all...just block and tell him to fuck the hell off  | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is And she could change lots about herself and still not be good enough for him. Why should we try to make others happy who just want a fuck? I'm honest about not wanting a boyfriend, which is why I don't join dating sites. Who says it was for him? It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. The happiest version And then as a plus, when Prince Charming does pop up, you’ll be confident knowing you’ve been looking after yourself so well You said be the best person they want to date. Semantics, what I meant was being the best version of yourself that they’d want to date. Not thar you’d be doing it for them Why is there anything wrong with who she is now? He might have been just after sex and is the same with all women, and he should change his ways. Why is there anything wrong with wanting to try and improve anyways? You’ve got a very negative view of self improvement No ones born perfect. We all have things to work on " Absolutely this, the only way to stop the opinion of people who don't matter bothering you is by accepting that you need to improve you're opinion of yourself. If you feel good about you, achieve your own goals etc then the opinion of some cancer on a dating site is going to mean zilch. | |||
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"If I was seriously looking for a relationship I wouldn't have sex with them for 3 to 6 months, to try to establish if that was all they wanted. I have a 5 date rule, I think that's a fair number and gives both parties time to get to know each other 5 dates over how long? However long it takes I guess Do you really think seeing someone 5 times is enough to know they want something more than sex? I haven't dated anyone since before I got married. I think if they're willing to put in the effort to meet up with you just so they can spend time with you and get to know you as a person it's a good start. I'm a strong believer that sex is a big part of a relationship but it's not everything. It's nice to find out if you have things in common and if there's chemistry. The date doesn't even have to cost money, a nice walk in the park having a chat is lovely. The best date I've been on was round a guys house playing super Mario cart on his console surrounded by chocolate " That’s a very cute date I think you can out lots of not serious guts by suggesting the first 2-4 dates are outside dates. Most guys looking for 1 thing are looking to get over to yours, or you to theirs. ASAP Most will show their true colours when you suggest dinner for a 2nd date and refuse to go home with them | |||
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"Every year I try a dating site. See if I can find "the one". This year I did it again, got chatting to a guy, turned out he's on fab too. I explained that I wanted more than just sex, he was fine with that. Organised a date and then he ghosted me fine whatever.
Fast forward about 7 weeks and he's messaged on fab. Polite enough, then asks for sex. I thought he had changed his mind about seeing me and that's why he ghosted me.
"Only in a dating sense"
....yeah thanks mate. Good enough to fuck but not good enough to be taken out for a 5guys milkshake. This is why my self esteem is through the floor and I hate dating "It’s his loss not yours | |||
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"I've had exactly the same conversation with someone today!" You are having a conversation with the wrong guy | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is And she could change lots about herself and still not be good enough for him. Why should we try to make others happy who just want a fuck? I'm honest about not wanting a boyfriend, which is why I don't join dating sites. Who says it was for him? It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. The happiest version And then as a plus, when Prince Charming does pop up, you’ll be confident knowing you’ve been looking after yourself so well You said be the best person they want to date. Semantics, what I meant was being the best version of yourself that they’d want to date. Not thar you’d be doing it for them Why is there anything wrong with who she is now? He might have been just after sex and is the same with all women, and he should change his ways. Why is there anything wrong with wanting to try and improve anyways? You’ve got a very negative view of self improvement No ones born perfect. We all have things to work on " No I haven't. I'm talking about not improving yourself to be more attractive to men. There's absolutely nothing wrong in self improvement, for your own self worth. I certainly wouldn't do any of what you suggested because some men didn't want to date who I am now. If someone doesn't want me fat, then I'm not losing weight to get them. Or gaining a degree, sort out my mental health, get a hobby etc. | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is And she could change lots about herself and still not be good enough for him. Why should we try to make others happy who just want a fuck? I'm honest about not wanting a boyfriend, which is why I don't join dating sites. Who says it was for him? It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. The happiest version And then as a plus, when Prince Charming does pop up, you’ll be confident knowing you’ve been looking after yourself so well You said be the best person they want to date. Semantics, what I meant was being the best version of yourself that they’d want to date. Not thar you’d be doing it for them Why is there anything wrong with who she is now? He might have been just after sex and is the same with all women, and he should change his ways. Why is there anything wrong with wanting to try and improve anyways? You’ve got a very negative view of self improvement No ones born perfect. We all have things to work on No I haven't. I'm talking about not improving yourself to be more attractive to men. There's absolutely nothing wrong in self improvement, for your own self worth. I certainly wouldn't do any of what you suggested because some men didn't want to date who I am now. If someone doesn't want me fat, then I'm not losing weight to get them. Or gaining a degree, sort out my mental health, get a hobby etc. " | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is And she could change lots about herself and still not be good enough for him. Why should we try to make others happy who just want a fuck? I'm honest about not wanting a boyfriend, which is why I don't join dating sites. Who says it was for him? It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. The happiest version And then as a plus, when Prince Charming does pop up, you’ll be confident knowing you’ve been looking after yourself so well You said be the best person they want to date. Semantics, what I meant was being the best version of yourself that they’d want to date. Not thar you’d be doing it for them Why is there anything wrong with who she is now? He might have been just after sex and is the same with all women, and he should change his ways. Why is there anything wrong with wanting to try and improve anyways? You’ve got a very negative view of self improvement No ones born perfect. We all have things to work on No I haven't. I'm talking about not improving yourself to be more attractive to men. There's absolutely nothing wrong in self improvement, for your own self worth. I certainly wouldn't do any of what you suggested because some men didn't want to date who I am now. If someone doesn't want me fat, then I'm not losing weight to get them. Or gaining a degree, sort out my mental health, get a hobby etc. " Ok but you’ve pull the “doing it for men” out of thin air Look at the other comments I’ve made. Ive tried to make it clear. It’s for yourself, which in turn will attract guys anyways | |||
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"Ok, just to answer the whole I should work on myself thing that is going around. I agree, if you don't love yourself then you should work on yourself. That's exactly what I did. For me it was losing 7 stone and getting a new wardrobe. I felt amazing, I look great....the men are still assholes. " I hope you will feel amazing when you lose weight of all the assholes pulling you down!  | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. It’s not about using it as a bargaining chip. It’s about getting to know someone, and knowing they are sticking around because they like you, but because you jump into bed with them." If you stick around X amount of time I'll have sex with them in return sounds like a bargaining chip to me. It seems an unhealthy way to view sex. Almost as if a person doesn't really actually enjoy sex. But, different strokes and all that. If I wanted a serious relationship with someone I would be completely turned off with that kind of attitude towards sex. | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date How does one do that? I’d start off by figuring out what the best version of you is yourself, instead of asking strangers on the internet. Then start working towards that. That could be anything from reconnecting/growing a social circle Taking up new hobbies Going back into education to better yourself or your career Talking to a mental health professional to work through any bad thoughts you might be having Join a gym or taking up sports to become more confident in your body There’s a million ways to do it, but there’s only 1 way to do it for yourself and only you can figure out what that is And she could change lots about herself and still not be good enough for him. Why should we try to make others happy who just want a fuck? I'm honest about not wanting a boyfriend, which is why I don't join dating sites. Who says it was for him? It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. The happiest version And then as a plus, when Prince Charming does pop up, you’ll be confident knowing you’ve been looking after yourself so well You said be the best person they want to date. Semantics, what I meant was being the best version of yourself that they’d want to date. Not thar you’d be doing it for them Why is there anything wrong with who she is now? He might have been just after sex and is the same with all women, and he should change his ways. Why is there anything wrong with wanting to try and improve anyways? You’ve got a very negative view of self improvement No ones born perfect. We all have things to work on No I haven't. I'm talking about not improving yourself to be more attractive to men. There's absolutely nothing wrong in self improvement, for your own self worth. I certainly wouldn't do any of what you suggested because some men didn't want to date who I am now. If someone doesn't want me fat, then I'm not losing weight to get them. Or gaining a degree, sort out my mental health, get a hobby etc. " And to the last bit, that’s all fine, you just have to be happy and accept the fact that you have a much smaller pool of lower quality men to pick from We have to be realistic. If your not willing to do anything positive in your life why would any sense respecting quality guy want you Improving yourself shouldn’t be looked down upon. Even if it’s to find a partner | |||
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"Ok, just to answer the whole I should work on myself thing that is going around. I agree, if you don't love yourself then you should work on yourself. That's exactly what I did. For me it was losing 7 stone and getting a new wardrobe. I felt amazing, I look great....the men are still assholes. " Hey fuck the guys, you lost 7 stone. That’s a crazy achievement. And I bet that’s not all you could achieve if you put your mind to it. So don’t limit yourself. What do you want? What makes you happy? Go get that shit. Then watch these assholes drool over what they’re missing out on | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. It’s not about using it as a bargaining chip. It’s about getting to know someone, and knowing they are sticking around because they like you, but because you jump into bed with them. If you stick around X amount of time I'll have sex with them in return sounds like a bargaining chip to me. It seems an unhealthy way to view sex. Almost as if a person doesn't really actually enjoy sex. But, different strokes and all that. If I wanted a serious relationship with someone I would be completely turned off with that kind of attitude towards sex. " That’s not what I’m saying. It’s about building a connection, I would do that with someone I was going to have sex with from on here, there’s no difference. | |||
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"If I was seriously looking for a relationship I wouldn't have sex with them for 3 to 6 months, to try to establish if that was all they wanted. " I understand the reasoning here, but if I could wait 3-6 months to have sex with him, then he definitely isn't the right guy for me! I want to feel lust and be clawing at his clothes after a few dates. Also, sex is a big part of a relationship, and I would want to know we were compatible in the bedroom long before investing 6 months into someone. | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. It’s not about using it as a bargaining chip. It’s about getting to know someone, and knowing they are sticking around because they like you, but because you jump into bed with them. If you stick around X amount of time I'll have sex with them in return sounds like a bargaining chip to me. It seems an unhealthy way to view sex. Almost as if a person doesn't really actually enjoy sex. But, different strokes and all that. If I wanted a serious relationship with someone I would be completely turned off with that kind of attitude towards sex. " You wouldn't say to your date, you're not getting any until date 5. It's just a case of if he asks you round to his or to come to yours on the second date then it's likely that all he wants is sex. If he asks to take you out bowling or to the park or something it shows that they are interested in you and getting to know you. It's not using sex as a weapon at all | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. It’s not about using it as a bargaining chip. It’s about getting to know someone, and knowing they are sticking around because they like you, but because you jump into bed with them. If you stick around X amount of time I'll have sex with them in return sounds like a bargaining chip to me. It seems an unhealthy way to view sex. Almost as if a person doesn't really actually enjoy sex. But, different strokes and all that. If I wanted a serious relationship with someone I would be completely turned off with that kind of attitude towards sex. That’s not what I’m saying. It’s about building a connection, I would do that with someone I was going to have sex with from on here, there’s no difference." This. I think withholding sex a little at the start does thin out the herd. There’s lots of boys that will kick up a fuss when the first date isn’t at their house where they think they can get sex. Once you’ve established they’re here for real. Not for a quick bunk up. Then all bets are off | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. It’s not about using it as a bargaining chip. It’s about getting to know someone, and knowing they are sticking around because they like you, but because you jump into bed with them. If you stick around X amount of time I'll have sex with them in return sounds like a bargaining chip to me. It seems an unhealthy way to view sex. Almost as if a person doesn't really actually enjoy sex. But, different strokes and all that. If I wanted a serious relationship with someone I would be completely turned off with that kind of attitude towards sex. That’s not what I’m saying. It’s about building a connection, I would do that with someone I was going to have sex with from on here, there’s no difference. This. I think withholding sex a little at the start does thin out the herd. There’s lots of boys that will kick up a fuss when the first date isn’t at their house where they think they can get sex. Once you’ve established they’re here for real. Not for a quick bunk up. Then all bets are off " And I’m not saying months and months, but at least enough time to get to know each other. | |||
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"I've had exactly the same conversation with someone today! You are having a conversation with the wrong guy "Yes I know x | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. It’s not about using it as a bargaining chip. It’s about getting to know someone, and knowing they are sticking around because they like you, but because you jump into bed with them. If you stick around X amount of time I'll have sex with them in return sounds like a bargaining chip to me. It seems an unhealthy way to view sex. Almost as if a person doesn't really actually enjoy sex. But, different strokes and all that. If I wanted a serious relationship with someone I would be completely turned off with that kind of attitude towards sex. That’s not what I’m saying. It’s about building a connection, I would do that with someone I was going to have sex with from on here, there’s no difference. This. I think withholding sex a little at the start does thin out the herd. There’s lots of boys that will kick up a fuss when the first date isn’t at their house where they think they can get sex. Once you’ve established they’re here for real. Not for a quick bunk up. Then all bets are off And I’m not saying months and months, but at least enough time to get to know each other. " Months?!?! I’m thinking 3-5 dates maximum And usually it doesn’t get to that point anyways. It’s just about protecting her feelings. No woman wants to feel used. You can get very strong feelings on a first date, and it easy to just let it happen, but if they ghost it must be absolutely devastating to the girl to feel so used | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. It’s not about using it as a bargaining chip. It’s about getting to know someone, and knowing they are sticking around because they like you, but because you jump into bed with them. If you stick around X amount of time I'll have sex with them in return sounds like a bargaining chip to me. It seems an unhealthy way to view sex. Almost as if a person doesn't really actually enjoy sex. But, different strokes and all that. If I wanted a serious relationship with someone I would be completely turned off with that kind of attitude towards sex. That’s not what I’m saying. It’s about building a connection, I would do that with someone I was going to have sex with from on here, there’s no difference." I do think there's a difference between building a connection versus purposely waiting a specificed amount of time before having sex solely to gauge if they are interested in a committed relationship. | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. It’s not about using it as a bargaining chip. It’s about getting to know someone, and knowing they are sticking around because they like you, but because you jump into bed with them. If you stick around X amount of time I'll have sex with them in return sounds like a bargaining chip to me. It seems an unhealthy way to view sex. Almost as if a person doesn't really actually enjoy sex. But, different strokes and all that. If I wanted a serious relationship with someone I would be completely turned off with that kind of attitude towards sex. That’s not what I’m saying. It’s about building a connection, I would do that with someone I was going to have sex with from on here, there’s no difference. This. I think withholding sex a little at the start does thin out the herd. There’s lots of boys that will kick up a fuss when the first date isn’t at their house where they think they can get sex. Once you’ve established they’re here for real. Not for a quick bunk up. Then all bets are off And I’m not saying months and months, but at least enough time to get to know each other. " Noway I could go months. Try before you buy lol. Don't want to spend to much time waiting to find out that they're bad in bed. 3-5 dates is a good ground rule but it's not written in stone | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. It’s not about using it as a bargaining chip. It’s about getting to know someone, and knowing they are sticking around because they like you, but because you jump into bed with them. If you stick around X amount of time I'll have sex with them in return sounds like a bargaining chip to me. It seems an unhealthy way to view sex. Almost as if a person doesn't really actually enjoy sex. But, different strokes and all that. If I wanted a serious relationship with someone I would be completely turned off with that kind of attitude towards sex. You wouldn't say to your date, you're not getting any until date 5. It's just a case of if he asks you round to his or to come to yours on the second date then it's likely that all he wants is sex. If he asks to take you out bowling or to the park or something it shows that they are interested in you and getting to know you. It's not using sex as a weapon at all " I think 3-5 dates is perfectly fine. 3-6 months is a different story though. | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. It’s not about using it as a bargaining chip. It’s about getting to know someone, and knowing they are sticking around because they like you, but because you jump into bed with them. If you stick around X amount of time I'll have sex with them in return sounds like a bargaining chip to me. It seems an unhealthy way to view sex. Almost as if a person doesn't really actually enjoy sex. But, different strokes and all that. If I wanted a serious relationship with someone I would be completely turned off with that kind of attitude towards sex. That’s not what I’m saying. It’s about building a connection, I would do that with someone I was going to have sex with from on here, there’s no difference. I do think there's a difference between building a connection versus purposely waiting a specificed amount of time before having sex solely to gauge if they are interested in a committed relationship. " Of course there's a difference, but waiting for someone to be ready isn't just about feeling the lust. How many men go off a woman straight after sex? | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. It’s not about using it as a bargaining chip. It’s about getting to know someone, and knowing they are sticking around because they like you, but because you jump into bed with them. If you stick around X amount of time I'll have sex with them in return sounds like a bargaining chip to me. It seems an unhealthy way to view sex. Almost as if a person doesn't really actually enjoy sex. But, different strokes and all that. If I wanted a serious relationship with someone I would be completely turned off with that kind of attitude towards sex. You wouldn't say to your date, you're not getting any until date 5. It's just a case of if he asks you round to his or to come to yours on the second date then it's likely that all he wants is sex. If he asks to take you out bowling or to the park or something it shows that they are interested in you and getting to know you. It's not using sex as a weapon at all I think 3-5 dates is perfectly fine. 3-6 months is a different story though. " 3-6 months probably harms you more than helps because your gonna get the guy that literally can’t get anyone else I dunno many guy that would date a girl for that long with no sex. I wouldn’t want too, why am I gonna invest half a year to potentially find out we don’t click sexually! It’s quite an extreme measure | |||
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"If I was seriously looking for a relationship I wouldn't have sex with them for 3 to 6 months, to try to establish if that was all they wanted. I understand the reasoning here, but if I could wait 3-6 months to have sex with him, then he definitely isn't the right guy for me! I want to feel lust and be clawing at his clothes after a few dates. Also, sex is a big part of a relationship, and I would want to know we were compatible in the bedroom long before investing 6 months into someone. " Absolutely! I definitely wouldn’t be able to see him the third week of each monthly cycle as there would be no way I could be with someone I fancy the week before my period without having sex 
I am in dating sites too but don’t mention fab as feel it takes a different direction no matter their initial intentions.
I dated someone last year, date 3/4 I mentioned fab as we had been talking about cuckolding amongst other things and as soon as I mentioned fab all he would talk about was finding a big cock for me while he watched. Needless to say it didn’t last long which I am fine about. I don’t accept second best, I know what I want and happy being single till I find it.
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"If I was seriously looking for a relationship I wouldn't have sex with them for 3 to 6 months, to try to establish if that was all they wanted. I understand the reasoning here, but if I could wait 3-6 months to have sex with him, then he definitely isn't the right guy for me! I want to feel lust and be clawing at his clothes after a few dates. Also, sex is a big part of a relationship, and I would want to know we were compatible in the bedroom long before investing 6 months into someone. " Would you feel used if he got the sex, ghosted you, then popped up when he wanted more sex? I've had men online do it and think we're carrying on where we left off months (or even years) ago. | |||
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"Sorry but the guy just wants sex - he knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. That doesn't make him shallow? Better than lying to you to get a bang out of it and then disappear. " | |||
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"Every year I try a dating site. See if I can find "the one". This year I did it again, got chatting to a guy, turned out he's on fab too. I explained that I wanted more than just sex, he was fine with that. Organised a date and then he ghosted me fine whatever.
Fast forward about 7 weeks and he's messaged on fab. Polite enough, then asks for sex. I thought he had changed his mind about seeing me and that's why he ghosted me.
"Only in a dating sense"
....yeah thanks mate. Good enough to fuck but not good enough to be taken out for a 5guys milkshake. This is why my self esteem is through the floor and I hate dating "Maybe you should be looking at this another way.... He could be absolutely crap in bed... Then HE,S not good enough to date OR fuck .. Let's face it if he was that good a catch, why hasn't he managed to find a female to date? X | |||
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"I dont know if using sex as some kind of bargaining chip is the best foundation to build a relationship on. It’s not about using it as a bargaining chip. It’s about getting to know someone, and knowing they are sticking around because they like you, but because you jump into bed with them. If you stick around X amount of time I'll have sex with them in return sounds like a bargaining chip to me. It seems an unhealthy way to view sex. Almost as if a person doesn't really actually enjoy sex. But, different strokes and all that. If I wanted a serious relationship with someone I would be completely turned off with that kind of attitude towards sex. You wouldn't say to your date, you're not getting any until date 5. It's just a case of if he asks you round to his or to come to yours on the second date then it's likely that all he wants is sex. If he asks to take you out bowling or to the park or something it shows that they are interested in you and getting to know you. It's not using sex as a weapon at all I think 3-5 dates is perfectly fine. 3-6 months is a different story though. 3-6 months probably harms you more than helps because your gonna get the guy that literally can’t get anyone else I dunno many guy that would date a girl for that long with no sex. I wouldn’t want too, why am I gonna invest half a year to potentially find out we don’t click sexually! It’s quite an extreme measure " 6 months may be a little extreme, but thinking they want a relationship then to be told you're only good enough for a fuck when they pop back up is like a kick in the bollocks for some people. | |||
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"If I was seriously looking for a relationship I wouldn't have sex with them for 3 to 6 months, to try to establish if that was all they wanted. I understand the reasoning here, but if I could wait 3-6 months to have sex with him, then he definitely isn't the right guy for me! I want to feel lust and be clawing at his clothes after a few dates. Also, sex is a big part of a relationship, and I would want to know we were compatible in the bedroom long before investing 6 months into someone. Absolutely! I definitely wouldn’t be able to see him the third week of each monthly cycle as there would be no way I could be with someone I fancy the week before my period without having sex
I am in dating sites too but don’t mention fab as feel it takes a different direction no matter their initial intentions.
I dated someone last year, date 3/4 I mentioned fab as we had been talking about cuckolding amongst other things and as soon as I mentioned fab all he would talk about was finding a big cock for me while he watched. Needless to say it didn’t last long which I am fine about. I don’t accept second best, I know what I want and happy being single till I find it.
"I’m actually quite worried because a really good friend of mine is in a similar situation Dating a guy and he was shit, not a good bf, broke up., They have a random d*unk hook up and he mentioned fab, so she’s joined thinking it’ll help their relationship And surprise surprise all he’s interested in now is meeting people off fab with her. I’m watching on in horror waiting for her tbaby get her heart broken Avoid bringing fabs up for quite a while in relationship in my opinion. Guys can get very caught in the idea of an easy 3some | |||
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"Sorry but the guy just wants sex - he knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. That doesn't make him shallow? Better than lying to you to get a bang out of it and then disappear. "I agree. I really don't see what he has done wrong. You both want different things so just move on and find someone who wants the same as you. Maybe add into your bio that you want more than just sex. | |||
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"Ok, just to answer the whole I should work on myself thing that is going around. I agree, if you don't love yourself then you should work on yourself. That's exactly what I did. For me it was losing 7 stone and getting a new wardrobe. I felt amazing, I look great....the men are still assholes. " Working on yourself doesn't need to equate to changing the way you look | |||
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"Ok, just to answer the whole I should work on myself thing that is going around. I agree, if you don't love yourself then you should work on yourself. That's exactly what I did. For me it was losing 7 stone and getting a new wardrobe. I felt amazing, I look great....the men are still assholes. Working on yourself doesn't need to equate to changing the way you look " But it made her happy and healthier, so that’s a great start and probably the best way to start any period of self improvement | |||
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"Sorry but the guy just wants sex - he knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. That doesn't make him shallow? Better than lying to you to get a bang out of it and then disappear.
I agree. I really don't see what he has done wrong. You both want different things so just move on and find someone who wants the same as you. Maybe add into your bio that you want more than just sex."It was in my bio. I was very specific about what I was looking for | |||
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"Every year I try a dating site. See if I can find "the one". This year I did it again, got chatting to a guy, turned out he's on fab too. I explained that I wanted more than just sex, he was fine with that. Organised a date and then he ghosted me fine whatever.
Fast forward about 7 weeks and he's messaged on fab. Polite enough, then asks for sex. I thought he had changed his mind about seeing me and that's why he ghosted me.
"Only in a dating sense"
....yeah thanks mate. Good enough to fuck but not good enough to be taken out for a 5guys milkshake. This is why my self esteem is through the floor and I hate dating "Been there done that got the t-shirt... Why I've given up  | |||
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"Sorry but the guy just wants sex - he knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. That doesn't make him shallow? Better than lying to you to get a bang out of it and then disappear.
I agree. I really don't see what he has done wrong. You both want different things so just move on and find someone who wants the same as you. Maybe add into your bio that you want more than just sex.
It was in my bio. I was very specific about what I was looking for "And was the same in his bio too? | |||
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"Sorry but the guy just wants sex - he knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. That doesn't make him shallow? Better than lying to you to get a bang out of it and then disappear.
I agree. I really don't see what he has done wrong. You both want different things so just move on and find someone who wants the same as you. Maybe add into your bio that you want more than just sex.
It was in my bio. I was very specific about what I was looking for
And was the same in his bio too?"Yes, thats why I was talking to him. | |||
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"I’m actually quite worried because a really good friend of mine is in a similar situation Dating a guy and he was shit, not a good bf, broke up., They have a random d*unk hook up and he mentioned fab, so she’s joined thinking it’ll help their relationship And surprise surprise all he’s interested in now is meeting people off fab with her. I’m watching on in horror waiting for her tbaby get her heart broken Avoid bringing fabs up for quite a while in relationship in my opinion. Guys can get very caught in the idea of an easy 3some " After a real shitty controlling 17 yr marriage I am lucky as I now have a great life, love my house, family, friends and work. I would like a life partner but only if they compliment my life not complicate it. I understand your frustrations for your friend but unfortunately she needs to find out for herself. | |||
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"Sorry but the guy just wants sex - he knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. That doesn't make him shallow? Better than lying to you to get a bang out of it and then disappear.
I agree. I really don't see what he has done wrong. You both want different things so just move on and find someone who wants the same as you. Maybe add into your bio that you want more than just sex.
It was in my bio. I was very specific about what I was looking for
And was the same in his bio too?
Yes, thats why I was talking to him."Guys on dating sites just say they are looking for a relationship to get what they want (not all but lots do) | |||
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"Sorry but the guy just wants sex - he knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. That doesn't make him shallow? Better than lying to you to get a bang out of it and then disappear.
I agree. I really don't see what he has done wrong. You both want different things so just move on and find someone who wants the same as you. Maybe add into your bio that you want more than just sex.
It was in my bio. I was very specific about what I was looking for
And was the same in his bio too?
Yes, thats why I was talking to him.
Guys on dating sites just say they are looking for a relationship to get what they want (not all but lots do) "It's a difficult world to navigate lol | |||
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"Sorry but the guy just wants sex - he knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. That doesn't make him shallow? Better than lying to you to get a bang out of it and then disappear.
I agree. I really don't see what he has done wrong. You both want different things so just move on and find someone who wants the same as you. Maybe add into your bio that you want more than just sex.
It was in my bio. I was very specific about what I was looking for
And was the same in his bio too?
Yes, thats why I was talking to him.
Guys on dating sites just say they are looking for a relationship to get what they want (not all but lots do)
It's a difficult world to navigate lol"Definitely!! I joined dating sites about 5 years ago and thought dating as a mature adult would be straight forward - no way is it straight forward | |||
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"Can I ask why you joined a sex site if you wanted to be dated?. I myself would never join a dating site as that is not what I want. My sex life and private life will never cross paths." Are you implying that those who wish to date should remain celibate and put 100% effort into dating and finding a relationship? | |||
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"No I was purely asking why she joined a sex site when she wanted to be dated. Sometimes relationships on fab blossom which is all good but not to be expected." Im sure that once in a blue moon people meet on fab and fall in love but I wouldn't leave it to chance. Fab is for sex, it caters to whatever sexual desire you might have and thats what I use it for. Dating sites are for dates, getting to know someone in the hopes that maybe this is the person I can build a life with. I try my best not to cross the 2 over | |||
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"No I was purely asking why she joined a sex site when she wanted to be dated. Sometimes relationships on fab blossom which is all good but not to be expected." She is on both dating sites and fab I think. She chatted to this guy on a dating site about having a relationship then they both discovered they were both on fab and this appears to be when his interest in her changed (from what I can gather) | |||
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"No I was purely asking why she joined a sex site when she wanted to be dated. Sometimes relationships on fab blossom which is all good but not to be expected. She is on both dating sites and fab I think. She chatted to this guy on a dating site about having a relationship then they both discovered they were both on fab and this appears to be when his interest in her changed (from what I can gather) " Something like that | |||
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"His loss, I'd say
What's a 5guy milkshake?"Very yummy | |||
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"He's not the first to tell me that I'm basically not good enough to date. Actually I've lost count lol. Unfortunately after a while it eats away at you Well if a recent forum post has taught me anything it’s times like these you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and start working on yourself to be the best version you can be. Be the person they want to date " Bit harsh - I think this could be changed to: Be the person you’d love to date OP! Love yourself and step away from the fab and dating sites, whilst you’re feeling like this as it will really bring you down. Drop me a message if you want to chat, love to chat about what’s helped me in the past if you think it might help. No worries if not xx | |||
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"So basically I need to change "No. Definitely NOT. Be the best you can be but above all, be YOURSELF. | |||
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"No I was purely asking why she joined a sex site when she wanted to be dated. Sometimes relationships on fab blossom which is all good but not to be expected. She is on both dating sites and fab I think. She chatted to this guy on a dating site about having a relationship then they both discovered they were both on fab and this appears to be when his interest in her changed (from what I can gather) " Surely if they chatted on a dating site and both wanted dated something should have been arranged there and then. If not then I would say it was never meant to be and move on. | |||
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"So basically I need to change
No. Definitely NOT. Be the best you can be but above all, be YOURSELF. "Definitely that, be true to yourself, I don't think anybody is worth you not being you. | |||
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"No I was purely asking why she joined a sex site when she wanted to be dated. Sometimes relationships on fab blossom which is all good but not to be expected. She is on both dating sites and fab I think. She chatted to this guy on a dating site about having a relationship then they both discovered they were both on fab and this appears to be when his interest in her changed (from what I can gather) Surely if they chatted on a dating site and both wanted dated something should have been arranged there and then. If not then I would say it was never meant to be and move on." I think it was then he ghosted her before they actually met. He then about 7 weeks later contacted her on here wanting sex as he doesn’t want to date her. She was annoyed he thought he could just message for sex when he knew she was looking for more, which I totally understand. | |||
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brilliant response | |||
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"Just spin it round. They’re the ones that aren’t being true to themselves. I personally wouldn’t have sex with someone I wouldn’t date so if they are willing to sleep with someone yet wouldn’t date that person then their morals and standards are all fucked up. It’s nothing to do with you it’s their own shit. Have boundaries. Don’t let someone show you twice that they don’t want you. Fuck them off at the first hint of disinterest or lack of effort. If someone says they’ll fuck you but won’t date you say okay I’ll stab you but I won’t kill you, deal? " The therapy is going well then? | |||
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what an ass. Blocked! | |||
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"This morning he's sent me a dic vid on a different platform what an ass. Blocked!"Good for you. Woop woop NEXT...... | |||
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"His loss, I'd say
What's a 5guy milkshake?
Bukkake"Oh!  | |||
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