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 I’ve eaten allll the magnums and have acquired 2 extra stone. I have spare rice, paint, vimto, hosepipe attachments and a gardening glove in my downstairs loo. I deliberately don’t make any effort during the week and often look like I’ve slept in a rabbit hutch in order to feel like a supermodel for applying some foundation and wearing something with a waistband. I’m currently using a crutch or walking like John Wayne. I refused to leave my house for 18 months during a particularly bad spell. I have 4 dogs and they all currently have squirty bums.
I can’t do diplomatic and my face doesn’t lie.
Some of the many things that make me an absolute catch. I truly believe I’m hilarious. Few agree.
So tell me about you. What’s your catch?  | |||
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Jo.Xx | |||
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"Um. Why is your spare rice in the downstairs loo?" This bothers me the most | |||
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"Um. Why is your spare rice in the downstairs loo?" I’m absolutely crackers and believe I’m shopping for Armageddon. If I run low on rice I go into meltdown | |||
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"I love this and you Saff!
Jo.Xx "Miss your face | |||
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"Um. Why is your spare rice in the downstairs loo?" Yes I'm not coming to yours, OP, for a curry!! | |||
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Today i finally scrubbed out the remnants of the prawn vomit from my front room rug that the cat puked on 2 weeks ago 
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"Um. Why is your spare rice in the downstairs loo? I’m absolutely crackers and believe I’m shopping for Armageddon. If I run low on rice I go into meltdown " I can totally get behind this logic. But the loo? | |||
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My house is horribly inaccessible so I hop about on crutches at home. They fall over all the fucking time and I hate the fuckers
My house looks like a cross between Toys R Us and Games Workshop, with a hint of added chaos
I think that'll do..... | |||
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"So… having read some of the stuff regarding what we should aspire to be versus the sheer bloody amazing ness that so many here are… I would like to embrace the oddities and imperfections that make us all unique. So in true comedy stylee please sell yourself for all the things you don’t advertise… I’m Saff I’ve eaten allll the magnums and have acquired 2 extra stone. I have spare rice, paint, vimto, hosepipe attachments and a gardening glove in my downstairs loo. I deliberately don’t make any effort during the week and often look like I’ve slept in a rabbit hutch in order to feel like a supermodel for applying some foundation and wearing something with a waistband. I’m currently using a crutch or walking like John Wayne. I refused to leave my house for 18 months during a particularly bad spell. I have 4 dogs and they all currently have squirty bums.
I can’t do diplomatic and my face doesn’t lie.
Some of the many things that make me an absolute catch. I truly believe I’m hilarious. Few agree.
So tell me about you. What’s your catch? "Love it!
Hilarious though? I’d say you make me titter on a good day  | |||
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. I’m fucking hard work really so I’m not really a catch at all | |||
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"Um. Why is your spare rice in the downstairs loo? I’m absolutely crackers and believe I’m shopping for Armageddon. If I run low on rice I go into meltdown I can totally get behind this logic. But the loo? " It’s a cloakroom with shelves ?? I’ve now moved it to the room of doom under the stairs which is now more organised. Stupid little house and crazy mind. | |||
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"So… having read some of the stuff regarding what we should aspire to be versus the sheer bloody amazing ness that so many here are… I would like to embrace the oddities and imperfections that make us all unique. So in true comedy stylee please sell yourself for all the things you don’t advertise… I’m Saff I’ve eaten allll the magnums and have acquired 2 extra stone. I have spare rice, paint, vimto, hosepipe attachments and a gardening glove in my downstairs loo. I deliberately don’t make any effort during the week and often look like I’ve slept in a rabbit hutch in order to feel like a supermodel for applying some foundation and wearing something with a waistband. I’m currently using a crutch or walking like John Wayne. I refused to leave my house for 18 months during a particularly bad spell. I have 4 dogs and they all currently have squirty bums.
I can’t do diplomatic and my face doesn’t lie.
Some of the many things that make me an absolute catch. I truly believe I’m hilarious. Few agree.
So tell me about you. What’s your catch? "legend  | |||
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"I have 40 tins of chickpeas in my cellar just in case there is, err, a world shortage that impacts the 5 major supermarkets that are within a 20 mins walk of my house
Today i finally scrubbed out the remnants of the prawn vomit from my front room rug that the cat puked on 2 weeks ago
"Fetching see those chickpeas clearly make you even more adorable! | |||
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"Um. Why is your spare rice in the downstairs loo? Yes I'm not coming to yours, OP, for a curry!! " It’s fine. I’ve eaten it now and I didn’t die | |||
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"I’m a professor at the sex thing I’m able to lick the back of your eyeballs Fingerblasting is my forte and I never cut my nails I will make you squirt (or piss) I can never tell the difference Your toes will curl I’m a repeat heavy cummer............ and you will sleep in the wet patch I’m old, got a croaky voice, wear long johns, I’m down the hill, been around the block and I can no longer hit the curtain rail with my love juice. I just copied my bio cause I’m lazy "You copied this as well then | |||
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"I'm Posh. I'm a clumsy twat but I'm also a comedy genius. I've got massive, huge issues with a hell of a lot about me but I'm learning that it's ok to be broken. Especially if you own it. I hide away from the people I care about and those who care about me because I don't think I'm worth it but I'm a fierce, loyal friend and I'll usually do anything for anyone even when it hurts me. I can't abide hypocrisy, cruelty, bullying or liars and I'm actually genuinely kind and will give anyone the benefit of the doubt for far too long. I'm pretty sure I should be on one of those hoarders TV shows but they'd almost certainly want me to get rid of some of my shoes and that just isn't about to happen. So I'll just be found crushed under them one day. I overshare when I get cranky, then I tend to burst into tears about it. And I can't write anything less than about a zillion words long. And in case you didn't know. I'm sweet, innocent, adorable and an angel. I'm such a catch "You may also have told a few fibs having shared my loo pics I feel your hoarding pain. Words are good… as are flaws. My favourite people are cracked yo Fuckery. | |||
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"I'm Mrs KC. I'm a fat, mid 30s woman who uses her shoulders for locomotion. Loco (or grammatically accurately, loca) is probably the best word from any language to describe me. I play wheelchair sports and ride horses. My attempts to go to the next Paralympics starts this week, when I get into a track racing chair. Okay, okay, I might be a bit over the hill for that, but I'll give it a bloody good go! If anyone tell me I can't do something, my reaction is to go and do it, with bells on
My house is horribly inaccessible so I hop about on crutches at home. They fall over all the fucking time and I hate the fuckers
My house looks like a cross between Toys R Us and Games Workshop, with a hint of added chaos
I think that'll do....."A legend you are I do believe you’ll be the proud recipient of a medal. You show exactly that kind of spirit!! | |||
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"im patrick. or i was. and tomorrow i begin my new role working to maintain the safety of the citizens of this country and the united states. so even though my profile will remain active until im told otherwise. goodbye." All the best with that | |||
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"I’m Darrien, I’m probably the goofiest person you’ll ever meet. I eat all of the snacks. When I’m driving it’s more like a live concert than a journey. I’m pretty much bouncing off the walls with energy from the moment I wake up Loved this post "You didn’t eat all the magnums.. I did. Do you sing power ballads?!?! | |||
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"im patrick. or i was. and tomorrow i begin my new role working to maintain the safety of the citizens of this country and the united states. so even though my profile will remain active until im told otherwise. goodbye." Ohhhh there are others on here
The key is to be open in your vetting process so there is no bl*ckmail potential  | |||
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"I’m Nora. I’m stubborn as fuck, pretty sarcastic and a bit feisty. Those few I allow into my life I adore and would do anything for, probably too much really. I’m clumsy, a bit mental but I’m a good laugh and always first up on the dance floor . I’m fucking hard work really so I’m not really a catch at all "You are indeed hard work. But are we not told that things worth having are worth working hard for? So win, win. never change! | |||
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"So… having read some of the stuff regarding what we should aspire to be versus the sheer bloody amazing ness that so many here are… I would like to embrace the oddities and imperfections that make us all unique. So in true comedy stylee please sell yourself for all the things you don’t advertise… I’m Saff I’ve eaten allll the magnums and have acquired 2 extra stone. I have spare rice, paint, vimto, hosepipe attachments and a gardening glove in my downstairs loo. I deliberately don’t make any effort during the week and often look like I’ve slept in a rabbit hutch in order to feel like a supermodel for applying some foundation and wearing something with a waistband. I’m currently using a crutch or walking like John Wayne. I refused to leave my house for 18 months during a particularly bad spell. I have 4 dogs and they all currently have squirty bums.
I can’t do diplomatic and my face doesn’t lie.
Some of the many things that make me an absolute catch. I truly believe I’m hilarious. Few agree.
So tell me about you. What’s your catch?
Love it!
Hilarious though? I’d say you make me titter on a good day "Lies. You howl. | |||
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"Um. Why is your spare rice in the downstairs loo?" Incase she drops it down the loo and can dry it out straight away | |||
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"So… having read some of the stuff regarding what we should aspire to be versus the sheer bloody amazing ness that so many here are… I would like to embrace the oddities and imperfections that make us all unique. So in true comedy stylee please sell yourself for all the things you don’t advertise… I’m Saff I’ve eaten allll the magnums and have acquired 2 extra stone. I have spare rice, paint, vimto, hosepipe attachments and a gardening glove in my downstairs loo. I deliberately don’t make any effort during the week and often look like I’ve slept in a rabbit hutch in order to feel like a supermodel for applying some foundation and wearing something with a waistband. I’m currently using a crutch or walking like John Wayne. I refused to leave my house for 18 months during a particularly bad spell. I have 4 dogs and they all currently have squirty bums.
I can’t do diplomatic and my face doesn’t lie.
Some of the many things that make me an absolute catch. I truly believe I’m hilarious. Few agree.
So tell me about you. What’s your catch? "What the actual??? I read this is your voice and was sitting in your front room!! If anyone can vouch how real this is it me!!!! | |||
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"Hiya, I'm Deborah, partially deaf, I use hearing aids but they don't always help! I have one ear that sticks out farther than the other. I lost 3 stone two years ago and have put at least 2 back on. I have one boob bigger than the other and a fat wobbly belly. But I'll do anything for anyone if it's at all possible " | |||
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sometimes a game of fifa is way more appealing
I also have abit of a habit of filling my recycling bin so much that a few days before they pick it up you may see me standing inside it trying to squash everything down
I'm a good laugh though oh and I say mom not mum | |||
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" You didn’t eat all the magnums.. I did. Do you sing power ballads?!?! "I in fact have eaten all the white magnums…
Oh yes, but some good ol Vanessa Carlton or Natasha bedingfield… something just comes over me and I lose control haha | |||
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"I'm Pp, I'm a short grumpy arse who says it how it is. I have trust issues but if you get through those you will see I'm a caring sensitive bloke who will do anything for my friends. Oh and I like being naked a lot. "Grumpy works for me.. it’s my default setting! Nice buns PP now bugger off and find Snow White. | |||
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"I’m a professor at the sex thing I’m able to lick the back of your eyeballs Fingerblasting is my forte and I never cut my nails I will make you squirt (or piss) I can never tell the difference Your toes will curl I’m a repeat heavy cummer............ and you will sleep in the wet patch I’m old, got a croaky voice, wear long johns, I’m down the hill, been around the block and I can no longer hit the curtain rail with my love juice. I just copied my bio cause I’m lazy "You’re 4’10 in Cuban heels and you have a combover. It’s ok to own it | |||
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"I’m Nora. I’m stubborn as fuck, pretty sarcastic and a bit feisty. Those few I allow into my life I adore and would do anything for, probably too much really. I’m clumsy, a bit mental but I’m a good laugh and always first up on the dance floor . I’m fucking hard work really so I’m not really a catch at all
You are indeed hard work. But are we not told that things worth having are worth working hard for? So win, win. never change! "You weren’t supposed to agree! x | |||
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"Hi.....I'm DF I'm 35 this year, I feel like I'm slowly decomposing. It's emotional. I'm going to start taking cod liver oil, my Gran swears by it. She's 97 years old now and still patrols Glasgow with a Burberry umbrella. Thuglife. I drink too much milk. I stopped drinking years ago. I like training, mostly though I just stare and growl at people in the gym. It's like a man thing I think, it gets weird when we make eye contact though. Perverts. I only really lift any weights when there's a female within a 5m radius. I hate steak, feels like I'm chewing for days. It's wank. My hair has started going grey now so I pretty much don't care about life (hard paper round) I just watch repeats of Top Gear on Dave. It's bliss. Dickinsons Real Deal is life." Grrrrr who doesn’t love a decomposing mahogany man touching things he doesn’t own… you clearly need an ex chef to cook you the perfect piece of meat!!! | |||
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"I'm Pp, I'm a short grumpy arse who says it how it is. I have trust issues but if you get through those you will see I'm a caring sensitive bloke who will do anything for my friends. Oh and I like being naked a lot.
Grumpy works for me.. it’s my default setting! Nice buns PP now bugger off and find Snow White."Is she even on here, I mean come on she'll have a foof the size of a bucket with seven dwarfs battering it everyday | |||
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"I'm Frida, Always suffered from anxiety and low self confidence. And Covid has made it so so much harder to deal with. Can't even bring myself to go for food with my best mate, stupid arse brain. I care too much yet too little. I remember every thing that upsets me but don't have the same ability for the good things. I'm my own worst enemy hands down. I am absolutely shit at accepting any form of compliment, and will tell anyone to shut up if I start to believe their compliments. Oh and my hair looks like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards and sideways on a daily basis. And I really need to stop swearing behind face masks, I'm going to get in trouble when I don't have to wear them. " I feel your anxiety pain. I literally wouldn’t go outside for 18 months then when I did I couldn’t speak without forgetting words and stuttering. It’s a shitty illness!! Youll get your confidence back. The only person that sees your terror is you. I’m not dropping my mask!! It hides my makeup free pan face and makes me feel better. You are much admired here and not for empty reasons. I hope one day you’ll see why | |||
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"Hiya, I'm Deborah, partially deaf, I use hearing aids but they don't always help! I have one ear that sticks out farther than the other. I lost 3 stone two years ago and have put at least 2 back on. I have one boob bigger than the other and a fat wobbly belly. But I'll do anything for anyone if it's at all possible "What’s a wobble between friends?!? I think boobs are like eyebrows.. sisters not twins!! I’ve had several health things there and my doctor summed it up by saying I have lumpy boobs so I’ll add that to my list of desirability!! You sound adorable | |||
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"I'm dave Na jokes it's liam really Like saffron my downstairs shower is full of all household goods, they really should go in the garage but I try not to open that as things like to fall out and do some damage I eat the kids happy hippos all the time, I'm not proud of it but they talk to me I've a habit of driving to the gym then going around the car park and back out sometimes a game of fifa is way more appealing
I also have abit of a habit of filling my recycling bin so much that a few days before they pick it up you may see me standing inside it trying to squash everything down
I'm a good laugh though oh and I say mom not mum "Ahhh a fellow bathroom crazy!!! BFF now.
Least you drive to the gym.. it’s been 10 years since I’ve considered the idea. A keen recycler with a poor Americanism… I’d say that was a catch! | |||
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" You didn’t eat all the magnums.. I did. Do you sing power ballads?!?!
I in fact have eaten all the white magnums…
Oh yes, but some good ol Vanessa Carlton or Natasha bedingfield… something just comes over me and I lose control haha"You are definately cool. Who the he’ll doesn’t love a belter in the car?!?! Unless it’s with Lexi and her weird pop shit. Don’t get in her car!!! | |||
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"Hiya, I'm Deborah, partially deaf, I use hearing aids but they don't always help! I have one ear that sticks out farther than the other. I lost 3 stone two years ago and have put at least 2 back on. I have one boob bigger than the other and a fat wobbly belly. But I'll do anything for anyone if it's at all possible
What’s a wobble between friends?!? I think boobs are like eyebrows.. sisters not twins!! I’ve had several health things there and my doctor summed it up by saying I have lumpy boobs so I’ll add that to my list of desirability!! You sound adorable "Thank you | |||
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"Hi.....I'm DF I'm 35 this year, I feel like I'm slowly decomposing. It's emotional. I'm going to start taking cod liver oil, my Gran swears by it. She's 97 years old now and still patrols Glasgow with a Burberry umbrella. Thuglife. I drink too much milk. I stopped drinking years ago. I like training, mostly though I just stare and growl at people in the gym. It's like a man thing I think, it gets weird when we make eye contact though. Perverts. I only really lift any weights when there's a female within a 5m radius. I hate steak, feels like I'm chewing for days. It's wank. My hair has started going grey now so I pretty much don't care about life (hard paper round) I just watch repeats of Top Gear on Dave. It's bliss. Dickinsons Real Deal is life. Grrrrr who doesn’t love a decomposing mahogany man touching things he doesn’t own… you clearly need an ex chef to cook you the perfect piece of meat!!! "Maybe i do | |||
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"I’m Lexi, The hair flicking, flirtatious, little bit scary, farting machine. I have a very tolerate boyfriend who I constantly pester for sex and cuddles. Im fit as fuck and flouncy. Looking at me I’m the queen of mean but deep down I’m a loyal softy. "Your boyfriend has just been nominated for the Nobel peace prize. He’s a keeper. You are a complete coco but you’re kind of cute but if you take any more videos of me you will have no eyebrows.  | |||
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"I’m Nora. I’m stubborn as fuck, pretty sarcastic and a bit feisty. Those few I allow into my life I adore and would do anything for, probably too much really. I’m clumsy, a bit mental but I’m a good laugh and always first up on the dance floor . I’m fucking hard work really so I’m not really a catch at all
You are indeed hard work. But are we not told that things worth having are worth working hard for? So win, win. never change!
You weren’t supposed to agree! x"Since when have I done anything I’m supposed to?!?! | |||
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"Hey y’all, I’m Kylie… I can be a bit of a jealous bitch at times, i sulk a lot and I should get a medal in rolling my eyes… I have a lot of insecurities (due to how I was born) so please bear with me when I get on a right downer I am really impatience, and I can be all over the place. I have a big heart tho and I will do anything for those I love. " You have made me howl on here with your slight like for the floppy haired one… haven’t seen you down but we all have rollercoaster times so nowt to be sorry for. You are a queen | |||
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"I’m Lexi, The hair flicking, flirtatious, little bit scary, farting machine. I have a very tolerate boyfriend who I constantly pester for sex and cuddles. Im fit as fuck and flouncy. Looking at me I’m the queen of mean but deep down I’m a loyal softy.
Your boyfriend has just been nominated for the Nobel peace prize. He’s a keeper. You are a complete coco but you’re kind of cute but if you take any more videos of me you will have no eyebrows. "My eyebrows are tattooed on….. they ain’t going anywhere! | |||
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"I'm Pp, I'm a short grumpy arse who says it how it is. I have trust issues but if you get through those you will see I'm a caring sensitive bloke who will do anything for my friends. Oh and I like being naked a lot.
Grumpy works for me.. it’s my default setting! Nice buns PP now bugger off and find Snow White.
Is she even on here, I mean come on she'll have a foof the size of a bucket with seven dwarfs battering it everyday "No bucket shaming in my thread PP!!! | |||
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"I am crazier than I let on, not always in a good way. Sometimes I even scare myself. I live in a hobbit house which would be minimalist if it was bigger. And I hoard cats, one day, when I am old and die, they will eat me, so at least I will have been of some use. I pretend to be a sex goddess, when I actually like the cuddles and kisses and conversation as much, if not more, than the jiggy. I am a flawed individual and a romantic, but would never admit the latter, because I don't think I am worthy." Jesus swap the dogs for cats and I could have written that… though I’ve no idea how they’d eat me with their midget teeth… there’s a lot to be said for the crazy.. it’s so much more 3D than the simple. Embrace it hope you find your worth though.. that’s important x | |||
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"I am crazier than I let on, not always in a good way. Sometimes I even scare myself. I live in a hobbit house which would be minimalist if it was bigger. And I hoard cats, one day, when I am old and die, they will eat me, so at least I will have been of some use. I pretend to be a sex goddess, when I actually like the cuddles and kisses and conversation as much, if not more, than the jiggy. I am a flawed individual and a romantic, but would never admit the latter, because I don't think I am worthy. Jesus swap the dogs for cats and I could have written that… though I’ve no idea how they’d eat me with their midget teeth… there’s a lot to be said for the crazy.. it’s so much more 3D than the simple. Embrace it hope you find your worth though.. that’s important x"I have a dog as well xx | |||
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"I have 40 tins of chickpeas in my cellar just in case there is, err, a world shortage that impacts the 5 major supermarkets that are within a 20 mins walk of my house
Today i finally scrubbed out the remnants of the prawn vomit from my front room rug that the cat puked on 2 weeks ago
"Pah ha ha ha... Cats... Who'd have ''em?! I'm a crazy cat lady, I have 6. My dressing gown is my favourite item of clothing. Most days my hair is in a messy bun. My version of tidying up is just shoving things in drawer or cupboard. I quite often fill the washing up bowl 2 or 3 times before actually washing up. | |||
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"I am Quim. This is my 12th year on fab. My anxiety and paranoia overwhelms me much of the time. I am in the process of making changes to better myself. Fab liars and manipulators drive me insane which is why I don't forum a lot anymore. I struggle around live nakedness with friends (which is weird). Dairy free vegan cheese belongs with the devil. I once drank so much at a fabsocial that compersion and a friendly man had to help carry me back to the hotel. If that isn't a catch, I dont know what is "Snap.. don’t share my flesh yet happy to take pics of my fat bits! I concur with the cheese I tried melting it once and neatly set my grill on fire!! Evil stuff… socials are for making a knob out of yourself. There are photos of me and a few others wearing piollys wigs 10 hours into a particularly crazy day. All kind of stuff happens that we never talk about again!!! Look forward to seeing you at one soon!! | |||
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I'm Mrs TMN. I care too much about lots of things which is a habit I'm working on. I always look for the best in people. I'm more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have been but I still have a mental block about going grey. I love things to be organised but I'm also a lazy fucker. I hate being in trouble and the one time I had a wee forum holiday I was black affronted! I have no bloody poker face at all - what you see is what you get.
Mrs TMN x | |||
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"I'm Pp, I'm a short grumpy arse who says it how it is. I have trust issues but if you get through those you will see I'm a caring sensitive bloke who will do anything for my friends. Oh and I like being naked a lot.
Grumpy works for me.. it’s my default setting! Nice buns PP now bugger off and find Snow White.
Is she even on here, I mean come on she'll have a foof the size of a bucket with seven dwarfs battering it everyday
No bucket shaming in my thread PP!!! "Sorry I'll leave in shame  | |||
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"I am crazier than I let on, not always in a good way. Sometimes I even scare myself. I live in a hobbit house which would be minimalist if it was bigger. And I hoard cats, one day, when I am old and die, they will eat me, so at least I will have been of some use. I pretend to be a sex goddess, when I actually like the cuddles and kisses and conversation as much, if not more, than the jiggy. I am a flawed individual and a romantic, but would never admit the latter, because I don't think I am worthy. Jesus swap the dogs for cats and I could have written that… though I’ve no idea how they’d eat me with their midget teeth… there’s a lot to be said for the crazy.. it’s so much more 3D than the simple. Embrace it hope you find your worth though.. that’s important x
I have a dog as well xx"Are you sure we aren’t related?!? | |||
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"Hi I’m easilyled! I have as much sex appeal as a spring onion dipped in dog shit! But I’m ok with that.bit too skinny for my liking and I can sunbathe on the sun and I’d only go magnolia.my nob looks like gonzo poking his head out of a hedge. But….I’m honest and am told I have a massive heart. So wipe that drool and join the queue ladies " you are a massive moron!! But one of the nicest morons I’ve known on here! If you try and use that sentence against me I’ll deny all knowledge and delete you. GONZO!!! | |||
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"I have 40 tins of chickpeas in my cellar just in case there is, err, a world shortage that impacts the 5 major supermarkets that are within a 20 mins walk of my house
Today i finally scrubbed out the remnants of the prawn vomit from my front room rug that the cat puked on 2 weeks ago
Pah ha ha ha... Cats... Who'd have ''em?!
I'm a crazy cat lady, I have 6.
My dressing gown is my favourite item of clothing.
Most days my hair is in a messy bun.
My version of tidying up is just shoving things in drawer or cupboard.
I quite often fill the washing up bowl 2 or 3 times before actually washing up."Yes!!!!! Animal collectors are clearly ace!!! Dressing gowns are the more underrated item of clothing ever!! Who doesn’t love a blanket with arms?? My room of doom and bathroom storage completely agree… you are obviously cool | |||
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"Hi I’m easilyled! I have as much sex appeal as a spring onion dipped in dog shit! But I’m ok with that.bit too skinny for my liking and I can sunbathe on the sun and I’d only go magnolia.my nob looks like gonzo poking his head out of a hedge. But….I’m honest and am told I have a massive heart. So wipe that drool and join the queue ladies
you are a massive moron!! But one of the nicest morons I’ve known on here! If you try and use that sentence against me I’ll deny all knowledge and delete you. GONZO!!! "Sorry petal,it’s on here for all to see!  | |||
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"Oh my goodness, I love this thread, Saff you are brilliant
I'm Mrs TMN. I care too much about lots of things which is a habit I'm working on. I always look for the best in people. I'm more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have been but I still have a mental block about going grey. I love things to be organised but I'm also a lazy fucker. I hate being in trouble and the one time I had a wee forum holiday I was black affronted! I have no bloody poker face at all - what you see is what you get.
Mrs TMN x"I tried to embrace my grey but failed badly.. its not for me!! Although I do love being 45 and annoying the 20 year old with band T-shirt’s of stuff I’ve actually seen not just heard of!! It’s not cool apparently so I’m in!!! I do love a spot of trouble!! I think you’d be a hilarious trouble maker!! You’re definately one of the folks I think would be hilarious to have a drink with!!! | |||
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"Hey y’all, I’m Kylie… I can be a bit of a jealous bitch at times, i sulk a lot and I should get a medal in rolling my eyes… I have a lot of insecurities (due to how I was born) so please bear with me when I get on a right downer I am really impatience, and I can be all over the place. I have a big heart tho and I will do anything for those I love. You have made me howl on here with your slight like for the floppy haired one… haven’t seen you down but we all have rollercoaster times so nowt to be sorry for. You are a queen "U talking about Myyyyy babyyyyyyyyyyyyy breaking a record here as I haven’t mentioned his name on here today lol
Awww thanks lovely, you are amazing!!!! | |||
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"Hey, I'm Meli! I'm a proper catch, a walking contradiction of confidence and insecurity, self belief and self doubt. I'm prone to hiding behind my rather impressive lexicon and knowledge because deep down I don't think I'm actually that attractive. I snore after a couple of drinks or when I'm poorly. My hair is a proper deluge of curls that can be never be tamed into straight submission and I'm definitely fat - I have great boobs and a bum but I also have a chubby moon face and a tummy. I can get carried away quickly but get bored just as quickly. Oh and I'm Aspie and waffle oft - who needs one word when you have one hundred at your disposal? Sometimes (like when I'm on my period) I don't think I'm good enough or even that likeable but I'm working on trying to be kinder to myself. God reading this back makes me realise I'm not a catch. " I read that in your voice!!! I always read you like you’re almost typing thoughts as well as words and it’s ace. I like lots of words… just not in the mornings. Mornings are not for words. Your whirlwind of words makes you recognisably you. So surely yes that’s a good thing! I despair with myself daily so I think you’re clearly smashing it. When you find the secret to taming hair please share… the best look isn’t doing me any favours right now | |||
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"I take ages to wash my hair. I have too many pairs of shoes (about 50) I seek solitude often & will sometimes hide from my own friends & family.." You have a LOT of hair!! It’s lush!! You can never have too many shoes.. and I truly believe that the company of other humans is always optional. I spend 95% of the week alone and I love it. If I socialise I need to hide and sleep after. You’re clearly going to morph into a superhero or something with your stored up energy.., and your drum. You’re onto something… | |||
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"Heh, I'm Leo. I'm a good friend, mediocre lover but impossible to live with (references available) and anyway I'd rather talk to my dog than you. I use humour as a deflection mechanism and fake it to make it to cover my shyness. It will take ages to really know be and then you'll realise it wasn't worth all that time and effort. I've got more hair on my balls than my head and I'm sure my cock has shrunk during lockdown. PM Me ! "Yeessssssss!!! I can empathise with everything but the balls. I have no hair on my balls. The company of animals is soooo much easier than humans. I’m considering proposing to ziggy and writing to woman’s own to sell my story. I’m not good with humans on any scale. And I’m much funnier in my head. You’re clearly hilarious, | |||
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"I take ages to wash my hair. I have too many pairs of shoes (about 50) I seek solitude often & will sometimes hide from my own friends & family.. You have a LOT of hair!! It’s lush!! You can never have too many shoes.. and I truly believe that the company of other humans is always optional. I spend 95% of the week alone and I love it. If I socialise I need to hide and sleep after. You’re clearly going to morph into a superhero or something with your stored up energy.., and your drum. You’re onto something… " | |||
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"Hello, I'm Red. I stopped trying to be "normal" years ago. I worry and overthink too much. I eat too much. I'm always stressed. I eat too much. I still think my body is size 12 until I see myself in a mirror or try to squeeze into small places. I eat too much. I sing, laugh, cry with wild abandon. Usually on my own. I eat too much. I post pics on here because I need folk to tell me I'm pretty. All. The. Time. I eat too much. I'm sarcastic, wicked, giggly, loud, annoying & highly inappropriate - I will probably see the funny side of a road traffic accident. I really, really eat too much. But I don't drink or smoke, so that's ok, isn't it? "Of course it is!!! I gave up booze and fags and chose magnums instead!!! It’s fine just don’t tell my gut that!! Dark humour is the best I’m very wicked and should keep more in my head… you are pretty Fucking ace Red! I love your spirit.., you are fire | |||
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"Love this thread. Loved reading the replies I'm Miss D, perfectly imperfect, perfect storm, random and my mood changes as often as the weather....Peri menopausal and liable to want to rip your face off before crying into my ice cream. I have lots of lumps, more than I am happy with but as Ed Sheeren said 'you can only love what God gave you I talk to my plants! One is called 'Arfur' (half a pound) because he cost 50p in a sale. He is purple One is called Tim after the flirty cashier in B&M bargain. They like it when I sing to them I also have Maisie (Gift from a child) she is cute..sitting on my windowsill. Likes the breeze on her leaves. " Pesky bloody hormones!!! God I wish I could keep plants alive.. that’s a skill… I’m surprised I still have 4 dogs considering how useless at life I am sometimes!! Better choice too.., bet they don’t get squirty bum and cost you a fortune… you clearly make better choices. Oh and ice cream is the answer to most questions… you’re killing it | |||
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"Hello, I'm Red. I stopped trying to be "normal" years ago. I worry and overthink too much. I eat too much. I'm always stressed. I eat too much. I still think my body is size 12 until I see myself in a mirror or try to squeeze into small places. I eat too much. I sing, laugh, cry with wild abandon. Usually on my own. I eat too much. I post pics on here because I need folk to tell me I'm pretty. All. The. Time. I eat too much. I'm sarcastic, wicked, giggly, loud, annoying & highly inappropriate - I will probably see the funny side of a road traffic accident. I really, really eat too much. But I don't drink or smoke, so that's ok, isn't it?
Of course it is!!! I gave up booze and fags and chose magnums instead!!! It’s fine just don’t tell my gut that!! Dark humour is the best I’m very wicked and should keep more in my head… you are pretty Fucking ace Red! I love your spirit.., you are fire "Thanks Saffron. I love "you are fire". That's going to be my new mantra
ps. I have proper hair envy x | |||
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"My name is Chunky Gent. I'm an amazing guy who'll be kind and caring towards you. I prefer to make you laugh then make you cry. Catch: I'm a tad on the big side. "And you’re a Manc!!! So you must be cool you always see the positives CG x | |||
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"Hello, I'm Red. I stopped trying to be "normal" years ago. I worry and overthink too much. I eat too much. I'm always stressed. I eat too much. I still think my body is size 12 until I see myself in a mirror or try to squeeze into small places. I eat too much. I sing, laugh, cry with wild abandon. Usually on my own. I eat too much. I post pics on here because I need folk to tell me I'm pretty. All. The. Time. I eat too much. I'm sarcastic, wicked, giggly, loud, annoying & highly inappropriate - I will probably see the funny side of a road traffic accident. I really, really eat too much. But I don't drink or smoke, so that's ok, isn't it?
Of course it is!!! I gave up booze and fags and chose magnums instead!!! It’s fine just don’t tell my gut that!! Dark humour is the best I’m very wicked and should keep more in my head… you are pretty Fucking ace Red! I love your spirit.., you are fire
Thanks Saffron. I love "you are fire". That's going to be my new mantra
ps. I have proper hair envy x"I always wanted red hair… we are never happy are we?!?! please say that 5 times a day from now on… | |||
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"I'm just despicable me - I say like it is and not what I think will get me laid. I have been on the scene for over 36 years and scene the good and the worst the scene offers. I'm not perfect, but I know who I am and do not pretend to be something I'm not. I'm confident and comfortable in my own skin as they say - which people see as arrogant. I'm probably the only male on the site that is not trying getting into a woman's pants. My sales pitch " Theres a lot to be says for knowing yourself. For many they learn much later in life without chance to just be them. I don’t think that’s despicable though.. I call trades descriptions on that one. | |||
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. Mature male ( some will say old) At least still have all physical parts working . Not overweight , Wry sense of humour. Open to all reasonable offers | |||
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"Love this thread. Loved reading the replies I'm Miss D, perfectly imperfect, perfect storm, random and my mood changes as often as the weather....Peri menopausal and liable to want to rip your face off before crying into my ice cream. I have lots of lumps, more than I am happy with but as Ed Sheeren said 'you can only love what God gave you I talk to my plants! One is called 'Arfur' (half a pound) because he cost 50p in a sale. He is purple One is called Tim after the flirty cashier in B&M bargain. They like it when I sing to them I also have Maisie (Gift from a child) she is cute..sitting on my windowsill. Likes the breeze on her leaves. Pesky bloody hormones!!! God I wish I could keep plants alive.. that’s a skill… I’m surprised I still have 4 dogs considering how useless at life I am sometimes!! Better choice too.., bet they don’t get squirty bum and cost you a fortune… you clearly make better choices. Oh and ice cream is the answer to most questions… you’re killing it "It's early days, I have had them less than a week. But yeah, ice cream ftw x | |||
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"I'm Lorna Jo and I'm Undescribable. " | |||
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"I'm dave Na jokes it's liam really Like saffron my downstairs shower is full of all household goods, they really should go in the garage but I try not to open that as things like to fall out and do some damage I eat the kids happy hippos all the time, I'm not proud of it but they talk to me I've a habit of driving to the gym then going around the car park and back out sometimes a game of fifa is way more appealing
I also have abit of a habit of filling my recycling bin so much that a few days before they pick it up you may see me standing inside it trying to squash everything down
I'm a good laugh though oh and I say mom not mum "I actually just said mom to try and heat the accent ... got it  | |||
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"I’m GJB. Now been on here for many years . Mature male ( some will say old) At least still have all physical parts working . Not overweight , Wry sense of humour. Open to all reasonable offers "Sounds like you’re selling a car dry humour is a must on here.. hope you get a test drive soon, | |||
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"I'm Phil 50 something, my fringe line is a solar panel, my.lomg blond flowing locks have retreated to my chest and it now takes me all night to do what I used to do all night. I drink so much coffee my jizz tastes like an extra stong espresso. Being a tight arsed Yorkshire man, I am loathed to part with it." had to read that twice!! Maybe you should start a coffee shop and kill 2 birds? Do you sleep with all that caffeine?!? | |||
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"I'm dave Na jokes it's liam really Like saffron my downstairs shower is full of all household goods, they really should go in the garage but I try not to open that as things like to fall out and do some damage I eat the kids happy hippos all the time, I'm not proud of it but they talk to me I've a habit of driving to the gym then going around the car park and back out sometimes a game of fifa is way more appealing
I also have abit of a habit of filling my recycling bin so much that a few days before they pick it up you may see me standing inside it trying to squash everything down
I'm a good laugh though oh and I say mom not mum
I actually just said mom to try and heat the accent ... got it " weirdo | |||
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"I'm Lorna Jo and I'm Undescribable. "I could give a million words you’re a whole lucky dip bag and the giant teddy from the hook a duck game with an extra portion of candyfloss and a stick of rude rock, | |||
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"I'm Lorna Jo and I'm Undescribable.
I could give a million words you’re a whole lucky dip bag and the giant teddy from the hook a duck game with an extra portion of candyfloss and a stick of rude rock, "I like that.
By lucky dip do you mean I'm unpredictable! | |||
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"I'm Lorna Jo and I'm Undescribable.
I could give a million words you’re a whole lucky dip bag and the giant teddy from the hook a duck game with an extra portion of candyfloss and a stick of rude rock,
I like that.
By lucky dip do you mean I'm unpredictable! "Predictably unpredictable. Like a kinder egg | |||
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"I'm Lorna Jo and I'm Undescribable.
I could give a million words you’re a whole lucky dip bag and the giant teddy from the hook a duck game with an extra portion of candyfloss and a stick of rude rock,
I like that.
By lucky dip do you mean I'm unpredictable!
Predictably unpredictable. Like a kinder egg "So now you're saying im soft and sweet on the outside but hard and tricky to open on the inside! | |||
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"I'm Lorna Jo and I'm Undescribable.
I could give a million words you’re a whole lucky dip bag and the giant teddy from the hook a duck game with an extra portion of candyfloss and a stick of rude rock,
I like that.
By lucky dip do you mean I'm unpredictable!
Predictably unpredictable. Like a kinder egg
So now you're saying im soft and sweet on the outside but hard and tricky to open on the inside! "With a crazy thing that makes you smile in bewilderment!!! | |||
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"I'm Lorna Jo and I'm Undescribable.
I could give a million words you’re a whole lucky dip bag and the giant teddy from the hook a duck game with an extra portion of candyfloss and a stick of rude rock,
I like that.
By lucky dip do you mean I'm unpredictable!
Predictably unpredictable. Like a kinder egg
So now you're saying im soft and sweet on the outside but hard and tricky to open on the inside!
With a crazy thing that makes you smile in bewilderment!!! "OK I'm taking that as a compliment. | |||
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"p6545 (even my username doesn't guce too much away). I probably have a mood-disorder which makes me high and low (and anxiety issues). I will be very much into you until I drop you because I've wandered into boredom (or to ease my anxiety). I am very unsociable and quiet and very much an introvert. People generally irritate me if I spend too much time with them. I prefer my own company (yes I really do). I love vaping and having that hit of nicotine (I also loved smoking). I read books not many people have heard of and am unapologetically 'intellectual' and my pop culture references stop at around 1995 which is when I stopped taking notice of popular culture. I don't drive and I will not fly. I am very much a homebody who has had enough of looking for adventures and 'new' things (except books)." Fairly similar in my unsociable nature so get that solitude thing totally. It’s not a bad thing. I’d hate to inflict unsociable me on others when I’d rather be home with a crap book. Sometimes decent, but I don’t concentrate too well sometimes so veer… being sociable is overrated. | |||
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"I'm Lucy My body is like a bin bag of mango pulp I like chatting, but might ghost you if I feel like you are pressuring me. I am an awful procrastinator, I'm never early, atleast going to be 10 mins late usually because I take my make up off and have to re-do it all over again. I hate my shoulders, feet and everything in between but I have some features I'm ok with showing. I need to eat more healthy food, I've never tried avocado or couscous. " Tried both and confirm it’s a no from me… I must also try harder but sometimes hide the healthy stuff so I don’t know I’m being too good. Complacency makes me treat myself too much pressure is not good.. as long as it’s not just enthusiasm to see your lovely face in the flesh. There’s a fine line. Always arrange to be somewhere half an hour later then you’ll never be late. Alternatively they’ll wait just tell them you’re worth it x | |||
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"I'm a spectacularly shit woman: can't walk in heels without looking like Dick Emery, have no idea how to style my hair so look a bit Freddie Boswell at the moment and never learned how to apply makeup without looking like a pissed-up clown who is moonlighting as a hooker. I'm perimenopausal so I have more spots than your average Dalmatian and lockdown weight gain on top of my already fiat punto sized arse means I've only one pair of trousers I can fasten so I spend 99% of my time in pyjamas. Not sexy ones either. I'm a proper fucking catch, so no fighting over me please "And bloody hell you’re hilarious!!! heels are overrated.. how do we run away from crazies in heels?!? Waistbands are so 2019… not playing that game until we’ll into 2022.. makeup .. pah once a month and you’ll get what you’re given. I think you’re smashing life!! | |||
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"Hi I'm mag. I'm a bit grumpy and hate small talk, I sometimes pretend I haven't seen people I know in order to avoid having a "how's it going" conversation in the street or supermarket. I like my own space and enjoy my own company probably too much. I'm probably a lot like Spock or a German, in that I'm very logical and efficient. I like things done a certain way...my way. I procrastinate and tend to just do enough instead and pushing myself to achieve even more. ...but don't let that put you off "Sorry I was just thinking about replying.., just keep the masks and glare like me. I don’t like to waste valuable words unnecessarily so simply don’t. My phone is always on silent as just the noise pisses me off and I don’t like hearing it. I reply when I’m ready.. the benefit of folks like you are that when you get a conversation it’s a complement so just go with that. I think you’re killing the conservation angle on words. Saving them for shiz that matters. | |||
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"Hi I'm mag. I'm a bit grumpy and hate small talk, I sometimes pretend I haven't seen people I know in order to avoid having a "how's it going" conversation in the street or supermarket. I like my own space and enjoy my own company probably too much. I'm probably a lot like Spock or a German, in that I'm very logical and efficient. I like things done a certain way...my way. I procrastinate and tend to just do enough instead and pushing myself to achieve even more. ...but don't let that put you off
Sorry I was just thinking about replying.., just keep the masks and glare like me. I don’t like to waste valuable words unnecessarily so simply don’t. My phone is always on silent as just the noise pisses me off and I don’t like hearing it. I reply when I’m ready.. the benefit of folks like you are that when you get a conversation it’s a complement so just go with that. I think you’re killing the conservation angle on words. Saving them for shiz that matters. "Ha yeah, good way to look at it. When I'm enjoying the conversation it's a conversation worth having. Mine phone is always on silent too. | |||
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"Hi I'm mag. I'm a bit grumpy and hate small talk, I sometimes pretend I haven't seen people I know in order to avoid having a "how's it going" conversation in the street or supermarket. I like my own space and enjoy my own company probably too much. I'm probably a lot like Spock or a German, in that I'm very logical and efficient. I like things done a certain way...my way. I procrastinate and tend to just do enough instead and pushing myself to achieve even more. ...but don't let that put you off
Sorry I was just thinking about replying.., just keep the masks and glare like me. I don’t like to waste valuable words unnecessarily so simply don’t. My phone is always on silent as just the noise pisses me off and I don’t like hearing it. I reply when I’m ready.. the benefit of folks like you are that when you get a conversation it’s a complement so just go with that. I think you’re killing the conservation angle on words. Saving them for shiz that matters.
Ha yeah, good way to look at it. When I'm enjoying the conversation it's a conversation worth having.
Mine phone is always on silent too. "Exactly!! When I go to a bar church bells ring.. I’m trying to be better but it doesn’t come naturally! Baby steps. | |||
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"I'm Phil 50 something, my fringe line is a solar panel, my.lomg blond flowing locks have retreated to my chest and it now takes me all night to do what I used to do all night. I drink so much coffee my jizz tastes like an extra stong espresso. Being a tight arsed Yorkshire man, I am loathed to part with it. had to read that twice!! Maybe you should start a coffee shop and kill 2 birds? Do you sleep with all that caffeine?!?"like the proverbial log, | |||
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"I'm Hine.... There are no words...." I’m sure there are many.. you just wrote them on the cave wall rather than share them here. Are you writing a book? | |||
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"I'm a spectacularly shit woman: can't walk in heels without looking like Dick Emery, have no idea how to style my hair so look a bit Freddie Boswell at the moment and never learned how to apply makeup without looking like a pissed-up clown who is moonlighting as a hooker. I'm perimenopausal so I have more spots than your average Dalmatian and lockdown weight gain on top of my already fiat punto sized arse means I've only one pair of trousers I can fasten so I spend 99% of my time in pyjamas. Not sexy ones either. I'm a proper fucking catch, so no fighting over me please
And bloody hell you’re hilarious!!! heels are overrated.. how do we run away from crazies in heels?!? Waistbands are so 2019… not playing that game until we’ll into 2022.. makeup .. pah once a month and you’ll get what you’re given. I think you’re smashing life!! "Fortunately I'm the crazy that other people run away from. I don't run, not with these boobs. | |||
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"I’m GJB. Now been on here for many years . Mature male ( some will say old) At least still have all physical parts working . Not overweight , Wry sense of humour. Open to all reasonable offers
Sounds like you’re selling a car dry humour is a must on here.. hope you get a test drive soon, "You have to promote the good parts . Me above average mileage , but in good working order and full service history. ( Given health check this year, no medications required to run . ) | |||
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"Um. Why is your spare rice in the downstairs loo? I’m absolutely crackers and believe I’m shopping for Armageddon. If I run low on rice I go into meltdown " also ...if you drop your phone down the bog you can dry it out with the rice | |||
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I have legs that belong on a carthorse and big feet.
I am the Queen of procrastination. Fab is so much more fun than chores....
I drool when overtired and after years of shift work I am a really bad sleeper.
A real catch
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"So… having read some of the stuff regarding what we should aspire to be versus the sheer bloody amazing ness that so many here are… I would like to embrace the oddities and imperfections that make us all unique. So in true comedy stylee please sell yourself for all the things you don’t advertise… I’m Saff I’ve eaten allll the magnums and have acquired 2 extra stone. I have spare rice, paint, vimto, hosepipe attachments and a gardening glove in my downstairs loo. I deliberately don’t make any effort during the week and often look like I’ve slept in a rabbit hutch in order to feel like a supermodel for applying some foundation and wearing something with a waistband. I’m currently using a crutch or walking like John Wayne. I refused to leave my house for 18 months during a particularly bad spell. I have 4 dogs and they all currently have squirty bums.
I can’t do diplomatic and my face doesn’t lie.
Some of the many things that make me an absolute catch. I truly believe I’m hilarious. Few agree.
So tell me about you. What’s your catch? "The most amazing brutal yet complete honesty. Massive respect. | |||
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"So… having read some of the stuff regarding what we should aspire to be versus the sheer bloody amazing ness that so many here are… I would like to embrace the oddities and imperfections that make us all unique. So in true comedy stylee please sell yourself for all the things you don’t advertise… I’m Saff I’ve eaten allll the magnums and have acquired 2 extra stone. I have spare rice, paint, vimto, hosepipe attachments and a gardening glove in my downstairs loo. I deliberately don’t make any effort during the week and often look like I’ve slept in a rabbit hutch in order to feel like a supermodel for applying some foundation and wearing something with a waistband. I’m currently using a crutch or walking like John Wayne. I refused to leave my house for 18 months during a particularly bad spell. I have 4 dogs and they all currently have squirty bums.
I can’t do diplomatic and my face doesn’t lie.
Some of the many things that make me an absolute catch. I truly believe I’m hilarious. Few agree.
So tell me about you. What’s your catch? "Give me time to compose myself after reading this.. xx | |||
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"Mojo, lazy, grumpy, funny, overweight, old and tired, but above all, funny! Love music and movies, gigs and restaurants I like to think I have a touch of class, but really I’m a bit of an arse! " And a poet | |||
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