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Rate my joke

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By *igTee OP   Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"What kind of films do you like?" I asked a girl at the bar.

She leant in close and said, "I just love romantic comedies.

"I said, "You're not going to believe this but...."

"You love them too?" she asked, excited.

"Fuck no, I was going to say your breath smells exactly like the shit I had this morning."

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By *gentprovocateurWoman
over a year ago

leeds

0

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By *igTee OP   Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"0"

Grrrrr lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Awful....

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By *igTee OP   Man
over a year ago

Bradford

I was in a pub the other day and drank a few too many beers, when I got the feeling that I was going to be sick. I ran to the bathroom only to discover that the only cubicle was occupied.

My only options were the urinal or the sink, so I chose the sink.

Vomit shot out of my mouth and my nose. I was coughing up beer, kebabs and fuck knows what else.

Tears were running down my face as I gripped the sides of the filthy sink and spluttered up a disgusting mouthful of smokers lung butter.

The guy in the cubicle chose that time to come out. Doing up his belt, he looked at the remnants of a six hour drinking session caked all over the sink and the floor, and said, "I was going to wash my hands in there, but looks like I won't be!"

.I looked up at him, my bloodshot eyes as red as the blood stained vomit slowly dribbling down my chin and all over my shirt, and said,

"You're not going to wash your hands?

Dirty bastard."

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By *igTee OP   Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"Awful...."

Hard crowd

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By *gentprovocateurWoman
over a year ago

leeds

0

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a good job ur pretty....;-)

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By *abloBackMan
over a year ago

London

Not the first time we have seen that one this week

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By *gentprovocateurWoman
over a year ago

leeds

0

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope this is not your day job

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By *igTee OP   Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"Its a good job ur pretty....;-)"

Lmao I've got better x

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By *igTee OP   Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"Hope this is not your day job"

Lol no I'm the manager of a advertising and marketing company

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By *igTee OP   Man
over a year ago

Bradford

I was sat on the toilet the other night, straining really hard, with all my might when suddenly, there was a loud POP and everything when dark.

"Honey are you OK!?" Called my Girlfriend from the other room.

"There's been a powercut!"

"Thank God for that!"

I shouted back. "I thought my fucking eyeballs had burst!"

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By *win PeaksCouple
over a year ago

Northamptonshire

Compared to the previous one's, I would have to give that one a

0.5

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By *igTee OP   Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"Compared to the previous one's, I would have to give that one a

0.5 "

( lol

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By *win PeaksCouple
over a year ago

Northamptonshire


"Compared to the previous one's, I would have to give that one a

0.5

( lol "

Hey ! Don't knock it, it's the best mark you've got so far

N

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By *kmale421Man
over a year ago

wirral

A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.

'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.

'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'

'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.'

And the golfer walks off.

'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. 'I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'

A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'

'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'

'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'

'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states.. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out 100 Euro notes I didn't even know were there!'

'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'

C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if

I did a good job. How many times a week?'

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.'

'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'

'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Awful....

Hard crowd "

Shit jokes.

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By *heekygeordieguyMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

Ran into the back of a car this morning. The driver gets out and comes to my window, he was a dwarf..He says to me "I am not happy" I replied " Which one are you then"!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

mans lying in hospital with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck...what happened says doctor? mans says i went golfing with the wife, both sliced our tee shots into a field, after searching for a few minutes i found one jammed in a cows fanny, i shouted to the wife i think this looks like yours...thats the last thing i remember!

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By *abloBackMan
over a year ago

London


"A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.

'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.

'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'

'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.'

And the golfer walks off.

'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. 'I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'

A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'

'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'

'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'

'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states.. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out 100 Euro notes I didn't even know were there!'

'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'

C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if

I did a good job. How many times a week?'

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.'

'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'

'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.'

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.

'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.

'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'

'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.'

And the golfer walks off.

'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. 'I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'

A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'

'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'

'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'

'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states.. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out 100 Euro notes I didn't even know were there!'

'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'

C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if

I did a good job. How many times a week?'

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.'

'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'

'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.'

"

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By *amslam1000Man
over a year ago

willenhall


"A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.

'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.

'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'

'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.'

And the golfer walks off.

'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. 'I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'

A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'

'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'

'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'

'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states.. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out 100 Euro notes I didn't even know were there!'

'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'

C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if

I did a good job. How many times a week?'

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.'

'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'

'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.'

"

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By *uggers nemesisCouple
over a year ago

london

The police just knocked on my door and said 'are you aware yourdog has just chased someone on a bike?' i said 'fuckoff,my dog hasnt got a bike'

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