FabSwingers.com forum: Pretend “Doms”

By *nightly OP Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Do you think there are too many pretend or wannabe “Doms” who don’t really get or understand the dynamic as well as know the need for the intellectual side of it?

Discuss……?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you think there are too many pretend or wannabe “Doms” who don’t really get or understand the dynamic as well as know the need for the intellectual side of it?

Discuss……?

What are your thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, I think there are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very much so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh yeah, a huge number message me saying “I’m a Dom”, seems to be the thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say he wouldn't have to tell you...

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By *nightly OP Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Do you think there are too many pretend or wannabe “Doms” who don’t really get or understand the dynamic as well as know the need for the intellectual side of it?

Discuss……?

What are your thoughts?"

I believe to enjoy and be in the dynamic you do need to understand it. It’s not about “rough sex”. Submission is a gift and should be treated so. And to be able to do that you need to understand what it means for a woman to want to gift that submission and what it gives her mentally. The D/S dynamic is definitely not just physical in my opinion and is probably more mental if I’m being honest

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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago

North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast

"Do you think there are too many pretend or wannabe “Doms” who don’t really get or understand the dynamic as well as know the need for the intellectual side of it?

Discuss……?

Message "I see you're into BDSM, I'd love to tie and fuck you"

Me "What experience do you have?"

Them...

"CURRICULUM VITAE

* Watched Fifty Shades.

* Thinks a Supermarket vibe and pound shop sleep mask constitutes a "kit".

* Thinks beating the shit out of someone until they bruise is what all subs want.

* BDSM is just fancy fucking right?"

Me "BLOCK"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there's too many elitist types that think they invented everything kinky.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't understand alot of why certain words are used, it's not just this term being scattered out of context

Dad bod

Prime example

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

For every thing you can be there will be people that are bad at it, some of who will exaggerate their abilities.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think there's too many elitist types that think they invented everything kinky.

I totally agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For every thing you can be there will be people that are bad at it, some of who will exaggerate their abilities. "

Like Jeremy Clarkson

I don't believe he's a better driver that James may, do you ?

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By *nightly OP Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Oh yeah, a huge number message me saying “I’m a Dom”, seems to be the thing "

And I don’t think you can say that as badge or title. Yes you may like to be dominant but you can’t be a “Dom” until a woman agrees to offer her submission so introducing yourself as one is very presumptuous in my opinion

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"For every thing you can be there will be people that are bad at it, some of who will exaggerate their abilities.

Like Jeremy Clarkson

I don't believe he's a better driver that James may, do you ?"

I literally have no idea

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

It's about perception. A guy poses with a belt in his hands and some women swoon. Others feel sorry for the poor lad because he's put on a few pounds over lockdown and his trousers stay up unaided now.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Oh yeah, a huge number message me saying “I’m a Dom”, seems to be the thing

Yet people call themselves subs all the time and I've never seen that criticised.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When in the bath I love to feel the very very warm/hot water run down my back

It's almost sexual

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's about perception. A guy poses with a belt in his hands and some women swoon. Others feel sorry for the poor lad because he's put on a few pounds over lockdown and his trousers stay up unaided now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When in the bath I love to feel the very very warm/hot water run down my back

It's almost sexual

Just thought I'd throw this out there

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I think there are both Dominants and submissives who are guilty of this. Though it's the fake dominants who get all the press.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh yeah, a huge number message me saying “I’m a Dom”, seems to be the thing

Yet people call themselves subs all the time and I've never seen that criticised."

99% of the male population are a sub and have been under the thumb for yonks

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Oh yeah, a huge number message me saying “I’m a Dom”, seems to be the thing

Yet people call themselves subs all the time and I've never seen that criticised.

99% of the male population are a sub and have been under the thumb for yonks"

Meatball marinara or chicken teriyaki?

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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago

North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast

"Oh yeah, a huge number message me saying “I’m a Dom”, seems to be the thing

Yet people call themselves subs all the time and I've never seen that criticised.

99% of the male population are a sub and have been under the thumb for yonks

Meatball marinara or chicken teriyaki? "

6" or Footlong?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you think there are too many pretend or wannabe “Doms” who don’t really get or understand the dynamic as well as know the need for the intellectual side of it?

Discuss……?

Message "I see you're into BDSM, I'd love to tie and fuck you"

Me "What experience do you have?"

Them...

"CURRICULUM VITAE

* Watched Fifty Shades.

* Thinks a Supermarket vibe and pound shop sleep mask constitutes a "kit".

* Thinks beating the shit out of someone until they bruise is what all subs want.

* BDSM is just fancy fucking right?"

Me "BLOCK"

Hahaha ditto

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By *ip123Man
over a year ago

North East

Huge amount of fake subs or littles or owned, there’s a genuine interest in been owned. Fake subs are as bad

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By *nightly OP Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Oh yeah, a huge number message me saying “I’m a Dom”, seems to be the thing

Yet people call themselves subs all the time and I've never seen that criticised."

Yes you are probably right in that it used a lot and probably like the Dom issue there are many “Subs” as you say probably don’t understand the dynamic. And to support that I’ve experienced women who have watched 50 Shades and fancied trying it but in reality it is not really who they are. But yes agree it is probably less criticised

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Oh yeah, a huge number message me saying “I’m a Dom”, seems to be the thing

Yet people call themselves subs all the time and I've never seen that criticised.

99% of the male population are a sub and have been under the thumb for yonks

Meatball marinara or chicken teriyaki?

6" or Footlong?"

Depends how hungry I am

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Been on the Fetish scene, prior to joining the swinging lifestyle and clubs. So I’ve met a few Dom’s and Domme’s in my time.

It doesn’t take too long to suss out those with experience over wannabes. I love bondage and submission with elements of mild pain being inflicted. However it takes some time or at least a safe venue for me to trust someone to do any of those things.

The very least I’d expect that person to know that as well.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

They have no idea.

It's the same trying to find genuine subs, they think it's just a game and only about the sexual aspect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't stop laughing at this!

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Oh yeah, a huge number message me saying “I’m a Dom”, seems to be the thing

Yet people call themselves subs all the time and I've never seen that criticised.

Personally I have no issue with people identifying as a particular role as long as they don't think it affects how they interact with anyone they don't have an established dynamic with. Dominant and submissive can also be adjectives rather than just roles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It wouldn't surprise me if there are just for the chance at getting a meet and I imagine it's a shame for genuine doms or subs who get diluted among the people who have no clue.

It's not something that really applies to me as I've never understood the sub/dom dynamic and even had messages saying they were subs which I've been honest about in saying that it isn't something I have great knowledge of. No point lying about it because they'll find out eventually

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By *icearmsMan
over a year ago

KIDLINGTON

I guess being a fom is different for each person and each person they play with.

Some may love rough sex, some may not. But it doesn't make them any less of a dominant personality. It really about how you connect with your partner at the time, and act in a way that ultimately meets their needs.

I tend to believe the sub is actually the dominant as they need to be fulfilled as much as the dom if not more. An unsatisfied sub is an unhappy sub.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"I think there's too many elitist types that think they invented everything kinky.

Exactly. I think there’s a lot of people who like to talk about it and probably don’t have a clue, and just as many very eager to throttle and spank a stranger , and also don’t have a clue.

I would love to have a proper conversation but they are so rare , you know like when someone says to you what’s happening, where am I, real important stuff that actually happens, instead of generic “aftercare” and manuals that tell you how to ask your sub if they want a drink , apparently you say “would you like a drink of water” , useful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was asked last week if I was submissive. I replied yes, and he came back straight away and said yes Sir. There’s an example of either a fake or deluded Dom, who thinks because I am submissive, I’m submissive to him, when in fact there would need to be lengthy communication on that.

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Yes deffinately. A lot have no idea what it means. I steer clear

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

Anyone claiming to be dom or bull is on an instant non starter here, whether a real or pretend one.

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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago

North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast

"I guess being a fom is different for each person and each person they play with.

I tend to believe the sub is actually the dominant as they need to be fulfilled as much as the dom if not more. An unsatisfied sub is an unhappy sub. "

Aha, yhe old - Topping from the bottom... "I want you to do this, this, this to me in this order". Dom "Wait, who's in charge here?".

I prefer the dynamic of two way total power exchange, trust, anticipation, and exploring limits and new sensations together. The top has to equally trust the bottom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh yeah, a huge number message me saying “I’m a Dom”, seems to be the thing

Yet people call themselves subs all the time and I've never seen that criticised.

99% of the male population are a sub and have been under the thumb for yonks

Meatball marinara or chicken teriyaki? "

Both I'm starving

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think there's too many elitist types that think they invented everything kinky.

Exactly. I think there’s a lot of people who like to talk about it and probably don’t have a clue, and just as many very eager to throttle and spank a stranger , and also don’t have a clue.

I don't think you'll find anyone helpful on here to be honest, and that goes for most things. I reckon most people are on here for their own pleasure, fantasies, and exploration and not into playing teacher. Unless they're into roleplay, of course

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was asked last week if I was submissive. I replied yes, and he came back straight away and said yes Sir. There’s an example of either a fake or deluded Dom, who thinks because I am submissive, I’m submissive to him, when in fact there would need to be lengthy communication on that.

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous. "

There's so many that send messages like that, I've had all sorts too. Presuming that I'm a sub so I'll naturally call them whatever name they choose right through to thinking that because they looked at my pictures that I want to dominate them. No one should be assuming anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think there's too many elitist types that think they invented everything kinky.

Predictable reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Call me wet behind the luggage but what even is a dom?

The 1 that takes the lead ?

The 1 that initiates ?

The 1 that cracks the whips ?

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Wow I always thought dom was short for bit of a dick..

Nice forum threads op.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Call me wet behind the luggage but what even is a dom?

The 1 that takes the lead ?

The 1 that initiates ?

The 1 that cracks the whips ?

Depends totally on the kind of dominant they are, it's not a one size fits all kind of situation

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Is there an exam?

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

I blame 50 shades of grey!

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By *igmaMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Is there an exam?"

Think there’s an NVQ

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation."

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Call me wet behind the luggage but what even is a dom?

The 1 that takes the lead ?

The 1 that initiates ?

The 1 that cracks the whips ?

I am submissive to my Dominant. We started with a detailed discussion about consent and boundaries, and my hard and soft limits. He told me the rules and we went from there.

We built trust, respect and love, and our dynamic is vastly different to where we started. Because we feel safe and secure with each other, our boundaries are fluid and evolve continually.

The power exchange is an equal exchange, he is my Dom because I am his submissive, you can’t have one without the other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is there an exam?

Think there’s an NVQ"

I think to have any decent amount of experience it be City & Guilds

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Do you think there are too many pretend or wannabe “Doms” who don’t really get or understand the dynamic as well as know the need for the intellectual side of it?

Discuss……?

No I don't.

What would you say "the dynamic" is?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed "

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Call me wet behind the luggage but what even is a dom?

The 1 that takes the lead ?

The 1 that initiates ?

The 1 that cracks the whips ?

I am submissive to my Dominant. We started with a detailed discussion about consent and boundaries, and my hard and soft limits. He told me the rules and we went from there.

We built trust, respect and love, and our dynamic is vastly different to where we started. Because we feel safe and secure with each other, our boundaries are fluid and evolve continually.

The power exchange is an equal exchange, he is my Dom because I am his submissive, you can’t have one without the other. "

And how does that differ from normal ?

What you've said there to me sounds pretty normal ?

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By *nightly OP Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Call me wet behind the luggage but what even is a dom?

The 1 that takes the lead ?

The 1 that initiates ?

The 1 that cracks the whips ?

I am submissive to my Dominant. We started with a detailed discussion about consent and boundaries, and my hard and soft limits. He told me the rules and we went from there.

We built trust, respect and love, and our dynamic is vastly different to where we started. Because we feel safe and secure with each other, our boundaries are fluid and evolve continually.

The power exchange is an equal exchange, he is my Dom because I am his submissive, you can’t have one without the other. "

And that to me is an example of the “dynamic” and how it should work. It’s not titles, names or badges it’s a relationship that evolves and is usually very unique to the individuals involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally. "

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Call me wet behind the luggage but what even is a dom?

The 1 that takes the lead ?

The 1 that initiates ?

The 1 that cracks the whips ?

I am submissive to my Dominant. We started with a detailed discussion about consent and boundaries, and my hard and soft limits. He told me the rules and we went from there.

We built trust, respect and love, and our dynamic is vastly different to where we started. Because we feel safe and secure with each other, our boundaries are fluid and evolve continually.

The power exchange is an equal exchange, he is my Dom because I am his submissive, you can’t have one without the other.

And how does that differ from normal ?

What you've said there to me sounds pretty normal ?"

From a normal sexual relationship? It’s very different in lots of ways, consent, boundaries and limits cover potentially rough play, humiliation, degradation…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds alot like a relationship does this

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By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I think 50 shades has made lots of people think they understand the dynamic and want to try. Without really understanding the importance of trust and communication.

It's not something that I indulge in with anyone other than my husband. He is the only person I have ever felt remotely submissive with, and it's rare that I do.

Ironically, I tend to get messages from sub men who assume, based on my photos, that I am Domme.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Call me wet behind the luggage but what even is a dom?

The 1 that takes the lead ?

The 1 that initiates ?

The 1 that cracks the whips ?

I am submissive to my Dominant. We started with a detailed discussion about consent and boundaries, and my hard and soft limits. He told me the rules and we went from there.

We built trust, respect and love, and our dynamic is vastly different to where we started. Because we feel safe and secure with each other, our boundaries are fluid and evolve continually.

The power exchange is an equal exchange, he is my Dom because I am his submissive, you can’t have one without the other.

And how does that differ from normal ?

What you've said there to me sounds pretty normal ?

From a normal sexual relationship? It’s very different in lots of ways, consent, boundaries and limits cover potentially rough play, humiliation, degradation…"

All sounds fairly normal to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ? "

Slapping (face/tits/pussy), spitting, caning, belting, to name a few.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So in 50 shades he got her to sign a waver? Am I correct?

Was that waver incase some sort of harm came to her ? He then can't be held accountable ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Slapping (face/tits/pussy), spitting, caning, belting, to name a few."

The only thing I don't do as a normal out of those is spit

So iv likely been a dom and not really considered it ?

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By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"So in 50 shades he got her to sign a waver? Am I correct?

Was that waver incase some sort of harm came to her ? He then can't be held accountable ?"

It might work in the US but here I believe it can still be treated as assault. It's complicated.

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By *igmaMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Is there an exam?

Think there’s an NVQ

I think to have any decent amount of experience it be City & Guilds

Does it fall under Arts or Humanities?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation."

Me too. I've had that conversation so many times. I've always been lucky to have people I trust to go to if I wasn't sure about something or someone but not everyone has that.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ? "

Much of it is exactly the same as any relationship. Trust, boundaries and communication. There's just a recognised power exchange between the couple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is there an exam?

Think there’s an NVQ

I think to have any decent amount of experience it be City & Guilds

Does it fall under Arts or Humanities?"

Bob I'd say

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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago

North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast

[Removed by poster at 23/07/21 22:35:04]

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By *reat me rightWoman
over a year ago

Rotherham

Absofuckinlutely there are

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"Is there an exam?

Think there’s an NVQ"

That would be interesting to read.

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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago

North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast

"So in 50 shades he got her to sign a waver? Am I correct?

Was that waver incase some sort of harm came to her ? He then can't be held accountable ?"

I think it was also a non-disclosure clause not to run to the press to blab about his very particular interests

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Much of it is exactly the same as any relationship. Trust, boundaries and communication. There's just a recognised power exchange between the couple."

Power exchange

Women hold all the power

There's lots of contradicting things associated with sex I think

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rumbled, to be fair mine stayed up briefly before they fell to my ankles, totally undignified.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So in 50 shades he got her to sign a waver? Am I correct?

Was that waver incase some sort of harm came to her ? He then can't be held accountable ?

I think it was also a non-disclosure clause not to run to the press to blab about his very particular interests"

Yeh your right actually

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Slapping (face/tits/pussy), spitting, caning, belting, to name a few.

The only thing I don't do as a normal out of those is spit

So iv likely been a dom and not really considered it ?"

How can you hit someone with a cane and not consider it? Surely you discussed it with your partner which would require you to think about it?

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So an experienced dom is in reality an experienced thinker

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Much of it is exactly the same as any relationship. Trust, boundaries and communication. There's just a recognised power exchange between the couple.

Power exchange

Women hold all the power

There's lots of contradicting things associated with sex I think "

I disagree that women hold all the power.

We have an equal exchange in out dynamic, but he can stop my in my tracks with just an eyebrow lift

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Slapping (face/tits/pussy), spitting, caning, belting, to name a few.

The only thing I don't do as a normal out of those is spit

So iv likely been a dom and not really considered it ?

How can you hit someone with a cane and not consider it? Surely you discussed it with your partner which would require you to think about it? "

Cane, iv also never used a cane, how much does that hurt though ?

It's bound to

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Much of it is exactly the same as any relationship. Trust, boundaries and communication. There's just a recognised power exchange between the couple.

Power exchange

Women hold all the power

There's lots of contradicting things associated with sex I think "

I have no idea what kind of women you've had relationships with. But I don't hold all the power neither do I want it either. Relationships should be about an equality of power in my opinion.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rumbled, to be fair mine stayed up briefly before they fell to my ankles, totally undignified. "

Sorry but that did make me giggle

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Slapping (face/tits/pussy), spitting, caning, belting, to name a few.

The only thing I don't do as a normal out of those is spit

So iv likely been a dom and not really considered it ?

How can you hit someone with a cane and not consider it? Surely you discussed it with your partner which would require you to think about it?

Cane, iv also never used a cane, how much does that hurt though ?

It's bound to "

A lot but I like it

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Slapping (face/tits/pussy), spitting, caning, belting, to name a few.

The only thing I don't do as a normal out of those is spit

So iv likely been a dom and not really considered it ?

How can you hit someone with a cane and not consider it? Surely you discussed it with your partner which would require you to think about it?

Cane, iv also never used a cane, how much does that hurt though ?

It's bound to "

Slapped, bit ( not to the point of drawing blood )

I do talk in a certain way that I guess I do kinda feel dominant now I think about it, it's very normal to me

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Slapping (face/tits/pussy), spitting, caning, belting, to name a few.

The only thing I don't do as a normal out of those is spit

So iv likely been a dom and not really considered it ?

How can you hit someone with a cane and not consider it? Surely you discussed it with your partner which would require you to think about it?

Cane, iv also never used a cane, how much does that hurt though ?

It's bound to

A lot but I like it

Have you ever burst a blood vessel in your thumb from hitting it with a hammer ?

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So an experienced dom is in reality an experienced thinker

There's slighty more to it than that but it's a good start.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think a lot of guys thought it would give them an edge and help them stand out on here.

No lots of profiles are using it to try to stand out.

One players kink is another's nilly

Thought: Put to Doms into a room and get three opinions on what bdsm is!

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Slapping (face/tits/pussy), spitting, caning, belting, to name a few.

The only thing I don't do as a normal out of those is spit

So iv likely been a dom and not really considered it ?

How can you hit someone with a cane and not consider it? Surely you discussed it with your partner which would require you to think about it?

Cane, iv also never used a cane, how much does that hurt though ?

It's bound to

A lot but I like it

Have you ever burst a blood vessel in your thumb from hitting it with a hammer ?"

Lol I grew up on a farm I've had loads of injuries. There's a difference between an accident and pain when you play.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Slapping (face/tits/pussy), spitting, caning, belting, to name a few.

The only thing I don't do as a normal out of those is spit

So iv likely been a dom and not really considered it ?

How can you hit someone with a cane and not consider it? Surely you discussed it with your partner which would require you to think about it?

Cane, iv also never used a cane, how much does that hurt though ?

It's bound to

A lot but I like it

I don't, bloody things scare me

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Send one my way lol x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Slapping (face/tits/pussy), spitting, caning, belting, to name a few.

The only thing I don't do as a normal out of those is spit

So iv likely been a dom and not really considered it ?

How can you hit someone with a cane and not consider it? Surely you discussed it with your partner which would require you to think about it?

Cane, iv also never used a cane, how much does that hurt though ?

It's bound to

A lot but I like it

Have you ever burst a blood vessel in your thumb from hitting it with a hammer ?

Lol I grew up on a farm I've had loads of injuries. There's a difference between an accident and pain when you play. "

It hurt like hell

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?"

That's definitely NOT the idea.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Slapping (face/tits/pussy), spitting, caning, belting, to name a few.

The only thing I don't do as a normal out of those is spit

So iv likely been a dom and not really considered it ?

How can you hit someone with a cane and not consider it? Surely you discussed it with your partner which would require you to think about it?

Cane, iv also never used a cane, how much does that hurt though ?

It's bound to

A lot but I like it

I don't, bloody things scare me

I love pain though

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?"

I'm sure that's the case for some. Hence the concern that some women could put themselves into a potentially dangerous situation.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?

I'm sure that's the case for some. Hence the concern that some women could put themselves into a potentially dangerous situation. "

It's Certainly not the general idea

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Slapping (face/tits/pussy), spitting, caning, belting, to name a few.

The only thing I don't do as a normal out of those is spit

So iv likely been a dom and not really considered it ?

How can you hit someone with a cane and not consider it? Surely you discussed it with your partner which would require you to think about it?

Cane, iv also never used a cane, how much does that hurt though ?

It's bound to

A lot but I like it

I don't, bloody things scare me

I love pain though

Bend over the lovely, my new whip needs a workout

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?"

Nope nope nope. I've been abused by my dad and ex husband. I know what it looks like. It doesn't look like a conversation about what you are going to do, are you comfortable with it? You can stop it whenever you want? The list is endless yes there are scumbags who hide their abuse behind being a Dom. But these are scumbags not dominants

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?

I hear this

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Slapping (face/tits/pussy), spitting, caning, belting, to name a few.

The only thing I don't do as a normal out of those is spit

So iv likely been a dom and not really considered it ?

How can you hit someone with a cane and not consider it? Surely you discussed it with your partner which would require you to think about it?

Cane, iv also never used a cane, how much does that hurt though ?

It's bound to

A lot but I like it

I don't, bloody things scare me

I love pain though

Bend over the lovely, my new whip needs a workout

Pain slut at your service

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?

That's kind of what I was getting at aswell, bount to be abusive people uses it to there advantage

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?

That's kind of what I was getting at aswell, bount to be abusive people uses it to there advantage "

Along with those that go too far

You know what it's actually fucking scary

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?

That's kind of what I was getting at aswell, bount to be abusive people uses it to there advantage "

Yeah there are scumbags out there who use it to hide behind. That's why I personally find it important to use the forum to chat about D/s. Gives those arseholes less places to hide

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?

That's kind of what I was getting at aswell, bount to be abusive people uses it to there advantage

Along with those that go too far

You know what it's actually fucking scary "

That's why you have safe words. It shouldn't go too far. Anyone who says you don't need one, run for the god damn hills

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?

That's kind of what I was getting at aswell, bount to be abusive people uses it to there advantage

Yeah there are scumbags out there who use it to hide behind. That's why I personally find it important to use the forum to chat about D/s. Gives those arseholes less places to hide "

Well I'm hoping that none of you ever end up in any situations that's not right

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?

That's kind of what I was getting at aswell, bount to be abusive people uses it to there advantage

Along with those that go too far

You know what it's actually fucking scary "

There is definitely those and that's exactly why it's scary.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous.

It worries me that women who are new to it, may be put in an unsafe situation.

Worlds full of not nice people and that risk is there in everything we chose to do not just dom/sub

Iv heard story's of blokes travelling to meets to then be robbed, it's actually quite worrying and that's without the risk of being physically harmed

You’re absolutely right, there is risk for anyone, but a submissive is placing her trust in another, and may be in potentially dangerous situations, either physically or emotionally.

What acts differ between a dom and a sub compared to any other couple ?

Slapping (face/tits/pussy), spitting, caning, belting, to name a few.

The only thing I don't do as a normal out of those is spit

So iv likely been a dom and not really considered it ?

How can you hit someone with a cane and not consider it? Surely you discussed it with your partner which would require you to think about it?

Cane, iv also never used a cane, how much does that hurt though ?

It's bound to

A lot but I like it

I don't, bloody things scare me

I love pain though

Bend over the lovely, my new whip needs a workout

Pain slut at your service

Oooft!!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

Threads on this subject always make me laugh, and reassure me of my own sanity. Half the so called Dom's on here are actually control freaks, and don't know the difference between bdsm and assault, bdsm being a practiced art, and the latter domestic violence.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago

North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast

"Threads on this subject always make me laugh, and reassure me of my own sanity. Half the so called Dom's on here are actually control freaks, and don't know the difference between bdsm and assault, bdsm being a practiced art, and the latter domestic violence. "

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

I don't know what a fake dom is. Everyone is at different stages and levels of dominance/submission. Some have saw movies or things in porn and it interests them. The only way they will get experience is to get exactly that and they learn. We were all beginners at one time or another

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?"

They all like dishing out the pain.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?

That's kind of what I was getting at aswell, bount to be abusive people uses it to there advantage

Yeah there are scumbags out there who use it to hide behind. That's why I personally find it important to use the forum to chat about D/s. Gives those arseholes less places to hide

Well I'm hoping that none of you ever end up in any situations that's not right

As Frida said, it's why we all need to talk about it. Make it a common topic of discussion, arm everyone with the information to help keep these people away from them and look out for eachother, make sure everyone always has someone to reach out too.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I don't know what a fake dom is. Everyone is at different stages and levels of dominance/submission. Some have saw movies or things in porn and it interests them. The only way they will get experience is to get exactly that and they learn. We were all beginners at one time or another

Exactly!

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *nightly OP Man
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?

That's kind of what I was getting at aswell, bount to be abusive people uses it to there advantage

Yeah there are scumbags out there who use it to hide behind. That's why I personally find it important to use the forum to chat about D/s. Gives those arseholes less places to hide

Well I'm hoping that none of you ever end up in any situations that's not right

Agree. Being safe is the priority on here everything else is secondary

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

That's fine too we all have to start somewhere. I just think people should be upfront that they are at the beginning of their journey so that you are all aware and can accommodate for it.

I mean what happens if you saw a certain scene in porn tell the sub you know what you are doing, but cause them harm because you've never physically done it before?

It's all about trust and communication and that requires honesty about ones capabilities.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous."

I never read up on submission or humiliation/degredation or piss play etc. It happened naturally. You learn more from experience than any video or book

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is there an exam?

Think there’s an NVQ"

That stands for Not Very Qualified doesnt it?

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago

North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast

"Would it be wrong to think that some doms are borderline abusers or is that the general idea ?

They all like dishing out the pain."

A big problem I perceive is the fakes and unexperienced that think extreme pain is an essential element in all scenes because the only porn they have watched is someone getting turned black and blue.

I have switched. Neither giving or receiving anything above a mild or low threshold "spank" or "tweek" give me any joy; quite the opposite.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous.

I never read up on submission or humiliation/degredation or piss play etc. It happened naturally. You learn more from experience than any video or book

I’m talking about at the start of their journey.

(closed, thread got too big)

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I ask them when they message about being a dom, I rarely get a full sentence in reply.

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By *igmaMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

"Is there an exam?

Think there’s an NVQ

That stands for Not Very Qualified doesnt it? "

Probably be better consulting an expert!

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous.

I never read up on submission or humiliation/degredation or piss play etc. It happened naturally. You learn more from experience than any video or book

I’m talking about at the start of their journey. "

So am I

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous.

I never read up on submission or humiliation/degredation or piss play etc. It happened naturally. You learn more from experience than any video or book

I’m talking about at the start of their journey.

So am I

We’ll have to agree to disagree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous.

I never read up on submission or humiliation/degredation or piss play etc. It happened naturally. You learn more from experience than any video or book

I’m talking about at the start of their journey.

So am I

We’ll have to agree to disagree"

I think that's probably best lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous.

I never read up on submission or humiliation/degredation or piss play etc. It happened naturally. You learn more from experience than any video or book

I’m talking about at the start of their journey.

So am I

We’ll have to agree to disagree

I think that's probably best lol "

Otherwise be at this thread until breakfast time

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous.

I never read up on submission or humiliation/degredation or piss play etc. It happened naturally. You learn more from experience than any video or book

I’m talking about at the start of their journey.

So am I

We’ll have to agree to disagree"

It wouldn't be a forum if people agreed all the time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've gone off the whole dom thing a bit on here. It takes much longer to get it right than most people can offer. Its not a quick meet and a slap and away you go, it does become more of a relationship that relies on deep trust and a lot of talking. And not just sex talk but compatability as people.

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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago

North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast

"I've gone off the whole dom thing a bit on here. It takes much longer to get it right than most people can offer. Its not a quick meet and a slap and away you go, it does become more of a relationship that relies on deep trust and a lot of talking. And not just sex talk but compatability as people."

^ This ^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely. I was extremely lucky, my Dom was very experienced, we’ve been together for 18months, and it continues to deepen, evolve and grow. It takes time to build the trust needed for some of the D/s acts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous."

A 'real' dom shouldn't have to read up on it, it should be a natural occurance that develops within the dynamic of two people.

I can be dom or sub or switch, entirely depends on the dynamic. I never label myself as anything because it can change depending on dynamic

There isn't a 'one size fits all' when it comes to being either dom/sub/switch. It is whatever feels right for you in that dynamic...a natural progression and anyone who needs to "read about it" should maybe stay away from the concept.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous.

A 'real' dom shouldn't have to read up on it, it should be a natural occurance that develops within the dynamic of two people.

I can be dom or sub or switch, entirely depends on the dynamic. I never label myself as anything because it can change depending on dynamic

I think it's important for both dominants and submissives read the practicalities of a new kind of play. Be it wax play and knowing you need special candles to rope and knowing you can't tie on pressure points. I'd worry more about those who don't want to read than those who do personally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous.

A 'real' dom shouldn't have to read up on it, it should be a natural occurance that develops within the dynamic of two people.

I can be dom or sub or switch, entirely depends on the dynamic. I never label myself as anything because it can change depending on dynamic

Absolutely I get that, but I am talking about the instincts the urges. And if that is an urge then you would research it of course

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The evolution is the most interesting bit isnt it as you really get to know a person inside out (ha) . Im about 4 yrs in and we seem to be switching roles and its great

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I start as always do and say there are very different ways of doing D/S. But to be honest I am wary of men that criticise other Doms, and people that use 50SOG as a benchmark.

Here is something I posted last night with the usual great response from Gemini Man. The title of the original article was, " Identifying as a Submissive [Dominant], what does it mean?"

I was reading an article which largely accords with my way of thinking. I pass an extract on for other views. I think it also applies to dominants as well.

Of course I have to say this is just a view and there is not one frame of reference for D/S or kink.

" My assertion is that self-identifying as a Chef is a statement of your passion. It’s your preference and “identity” and it means that you want to cook. I further assert, however, that when this person is hired to cook for someone, the recipesthat are needed are subject to the tastes and preferences of the person. What KIND of chef does that person need / prefer: a meat chef; a fish chef; a pastry chef; a sauce chef? Until you know what type of chef is desired – or what type of recipes the person for whom you are cooking prefers, you can’t define the content of the food that will satisfy them. You might be a “chef”, but you don’t know what you’re cooking until you know what’s ordered!

Self-identifying as a submissive is all well and good as a statement of preference and identity…but until you have someone to submit to, you can’t define submission. Submission, since it’s tied to what you are doing for another person, requires that other person to be there. You can’t submit to nothing. "

Gemini Man's response

An interesting analogy and one that certainly works both ways round - think I'd disagree though that "until you have someone to submit to(/dominate), you can’t define submission/domination"

Sure you may not be able to define submission/domination to/of a specific person, but you can define what it means to you and your wants and desires, cravings even - not to mention limits and boundaries.

And knowing all those things and defining it for yourself then helps you find the person who likes the look of the menu"

I think the view can be reached that provided the Sub or Dom are authentic to themselves and each are honest to each other it really does not matter how they do D/S if each other are happy with the relationship.

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

What is a fake dom? I would imagine you're talking about more of a shallow understanding of what the dynamic can fully be.

For me, I'm put off by big claims. I'd rather discover and discuss what is between myself and a partner. I can tell when someone has thought or experienced more deeply around such dynamics .. It's the depth and communication that matters over experience.

When we can enter into a curious consultation or find ourselves consciously playing and there is no presumption or formulaic approaches.

I guess people are where they are at with their level and their understanding of what it is to be a dom or whatever. If you want more depth.. Then that's what you will attract.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I start as always do and say there are very different ways of doing D/S. But to be honest I am wary of men that criticise other Doms, and people that use 50SOG as a benchmark.

Here is something I posted last night with the usual great response from Gemini Man. The title of the original article was, " Identifying as a Submissive [Dominant], what does it mean?"

I was reading an article which largely accords with my way of thinking. I pass an extract on for other views. I think it also applies to dominants as well.

Of course I have to say this is just a view and there is not one frame of reference for D/S or kink.

Gemini Man's response

An interesting analogy and one that certainly works both ways round - think I'd disagree though that "until you have someone to submit to(/dominate), you can’t define submission/domination"

And knowing all those things and defining it for yourself then helps you find the person who likes the look of the menu"

GMan is like a guru on everything, love that man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is a fake dom? I would imagine you're talking about more of a shallow understanding of what the dynamic can fully be.

When we can enter into a curious consultation or find ourselves consciously playing and there is no presumption or formulaic approaches.

I guess people are where they are at with their level and their understanding of what it is to be a dom or whatever. If you want more depth.. Then that's what you will attract.

This is what I'm talking about

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I personally dislike the whole "fake/true/pretend etc" labels being applied to either dominants or submissives - to an extent it suggests a level of superiority being assumed by the person using it - there is no "one true way" to D/s - it's as unique as the two (or more) individuals practicing it, and if all are consenting, knowledgeable and risk aware etc enough, to agree a dynamic of their own (whether it be for a one off or a relationship) it really isn't for anyone to tell them they're doing it wrong.

Yes there are those on both sides of the coin, and all genders (although curiously ill informed Dommes seem to be rarer), who aren't knowledgeable, or risk aware etc or who use it as a subterfuge for abuse - and that is where the danger lies but with the exception of the latter example, the key is opening their eyes to the potential danger not labelling them "fakes" or whatever.

I also don't think it's always necessary to have to "read up" on everything - in the context of a trusting relationship it's entirely possible to experiment and find what works - yes there are some elements where reading up would be recommended especially around some of the more extreme activities or things like rope play and the right knots to use and where etc. - but at some levels experimentation with a level of awareness in a trusting relationship is probably better than reading a book.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Having just read my last post back and realised that some mid-typing editing may have led it to suggest that abusers should be excepted from having their eyes opened - that was not the intent at all - they're probably a more important category to need to achieve that with - even though they're probably the hardest to get to see it.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

"I start as always do and say there are very different ways of doing D/S. But to be honest I am wary of men that criticise other Doms, and people that use 50SOG as a benchmark.

Here is something I posted last night with the usual great response from Gemini Man. The title of the original article was, " Identifying as a Submissive [Dominant], what does it mean?"

I was reading an article which largely accords with my way of thinking. I pass an extract on for other views. I think it also applies to dominants as well.

Of course I have to say this is just a view and there is not one frame of reference for D/S or kink.

Gemini Man's response

An interesting analogy and one that certainly works both ways round - think I'd disagree though that "until you have someone to submit to(/dominate), you can’t define submission/domination"

And knowing all those things and defining it for yourself then helps you find the person who likes the look of the menu"

GMan is like a guru on everything, love that man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My words ‘read up’ are being taken too literally. I don’t mean sit there and read everything, it’s in a context of educate yourself. If you’re getting in something like breath play, it would be insane to go into that without further examination of what it involves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So an experienced dom is in reality an experienced thinker

...an imaginative one

Which I've found over the years the vanilla play lacks immensely...

There's a thread about the fab 'interests' and how many you've actually experienced in life....

I find it quite revealing about people's lack of experience or non-experimental mind throughout their lives....(that's if they're telling the truth)

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"I personally dislike the whole "fake/true/pretend etc" labels being applied to either dominants or submissives - to an extent it suggests a level of superiority being assumed by the person using it - there is no "one true way" to D/s - it's as unique as the two (or more) individuals practicing it, and if all are consenting, knowledgeable and risk aware etc enough, to agree a dynamic of their own (whether it be for a one off or a relationship) it really isn't for anyone to tell them they're doing it wrong.

Fab and well thought out answer as usual Geminiman. I'm not a lover of fake etc but what do you call those people who display a number of red flags? I never fully know to be honest and sometimes it's easier to say fake Dom as it gives most an idea of what is being spoken about.

I will highlight that there is a vast difference between an inexperienced dominant or submissive, to those who know that they aren't being safe etc.

To me personally I think it's important to discuss what a good dominants and submissives look like. Come across far too many submissives that have been told they aren't a proper sub if they don't so xyz. And it's also for this reason I do think some research is never a bad thing. Knowledge is power and can help prevent abuse.

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By *rian4uMan
over a year ago

London

I think there are a lot of people who think they are Dom, and that can actually be quite dangerous. "

I have experienced that too. Its off putting as its a veneer for a dom sub relationship. I think the psychological side of things is often missed or not understood by many. I think there should be at least an open convesation of equals an understanding before assuming sub dom roles.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"What is a fake dom? I would imagine you're talking about more of a shallow understanding of what the dynamic can fully be.

When we can enter into a curious consultation or find ourselves consciously playing and there is no presumption or formulaic approaches.

I guess people are where they are at with their level and their understanding of what it is to be a dom or whatever. If you want more depth.. Then that's what you will attract.

A very good post.

I tend to find that ‘fakes’ are the ones that have very limited understanding of how a D/s dynamic works, what is required and have no interest in research or learning more.

Being uneducated isn’t a fake Dom, one that is wilfully ignorant is and is potentially harmful.

I do think that the term is bandied around far too much though, there are many different forms of dominance and many different aspects of play. Each dynamic is unique and requires a separate focus in order to meet the needs of both, just because one Dom doesn’t meet the needs of an individual, that doesn’t mean that they’re fake.

I think of finding a fulfilling relationship like a lock and key, it can be that unique

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would say he wouldn't have to tell you... "

Agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some guys who claim to be Doms are actually just guys into rough sex who don't want to have to consider mutual pleasure. They totally miss the point entirely, and the sex is usually aggressive but ultimately unsatisfying, as they're only in it for themselves.

I've met a few sadly. However, there's a difference between that and a guy who's learning the ropes with d/s and it's just lacking experience.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Some guys who claim to be Doms are actually just guys into rough sex who don't want to have to consider mutual pleasure. They totally miss the point entirely, and the sex is usually aggressive but ultimately unsatisfying, as they're only in it for themselves.

I've met a few sadly. However, there's a difference between that and a guy who's learning the ropes with d/s and it's just lacking experience."

Yes. I agree.

As I wrote above, lack of experience isn’t fake, wilful ignorance is.

People who have watched some D/s porn and give it a go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've met a few sadly. However, there's a difference between that and a guy who's learning the ropes with d/s and it's just lacking experience."

When I was learning Shibari I had someone to show me the ropes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being uneducated isn’t a fake Dom, one that is wilfully ignorant is and is potentially harmful. "

Agree with this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous.

A 'real' dom shouldn't have to read up on it, it should be a natural occurance that develops within the dynamic of two people.

I can be dom or sub or switch, entirely depends on the dynamic. I never label myself as anything because it can change depending on dynamic

Let’s go with cake!

If you have made beans on toast before, does that mean you automatically know how to be a pastry chef?

If you have never baked a cake before would you be able bake one without a recipe?

If you have watched every episode of bake off would you be able to make the perfect soufflé?

If you have only made chocolate brownies would you be able to make Choux buns?

Surely you would educate yourself? You would get a recipe book, be taught by an experienced cook, start off with the easy stuff and build up to baking more complicated cakes?

Just because you have watched porn, read 50 shades of grey or used a blindfold or a silk scarf to tie up your lover - that does not make you a Dominant.

It is not about just having the correct ingredients, understanding how they go together or giving it a go. You are dealing with the welfare and wellbeing of another person, you cannot throw away a failed attempt and start again.

So yes educating and learning is important when you first start, desire and an urge to bake a cake is important but education and understanding is critical.

On a separate point:

Also this ‘true/real/genuine’ Dom/sub language is very limiting, I am in total agreement with Gemini on this. I prefer to use the word ethical Dom/sub.

Mr HH

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous.

A 'real' dom shouldn't have to read up on it, it should be a natural occurance that develops within the dynamic of two people.

I can be dom or sub or switch, entirely depends on the dynamic. I never label myself as anything because it can change depending on dynamic

Let’s go with cake!

If you have made beans on toast before, does that mean you automatically know how to be a pastry chef?

If you have never baked a cake before would you be able bake one without a recipe?

If you have watched every episode of bake off would you be able to make the perfect soufflé?

If you have only made chocolate brownies would you be able to make Choux buns?

Surely you would educate yourself? You would get a recipe book, be taught by an experienced cook, start off with the easy stuff and build up to baking more complicated cakes?

Just because you have watched porn, read 50 shades of grey or used a blindfold or a silk scarf to tie up your lover - that does not make you a Dominant.

So yes educating and learning is important when you first start, desire and an urge to bake a cake is important but education and understanding is critical.

On a separate point:

Also this ‘true/real/genuine’ Dom/sub language is very limiting, I am in total agreement with Gemini on this. I prefer to use the word ethical Dom/sub.

Mr HH"

Agree with what you are saying. And I like the phrase ethical Dom/sub. But what do we call those who aren't ethical? Or should we as a community make a move from highlighting the bad to what makes an ethical Dom/sub?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im a sub , it took me years to work out and a few more to accept it is a dynamic I Need in my life.

My first Dom was not all he could have been and I know that now but when I was with him I learnt a lot and he potentially saved my life in one of his demands.

Now, I have arguably the best Dom for me. He works with my mind, my body and my bratty side and he is an incredible lover.

Having been with him I understand.

The problem is when you get people who have a slight incling to dominant behaviour calling themselves Doms when all they have done is bought a blindfold and a pair of fluffy handcuffs.

It is a very balanced dynamic that needs learning. The best are people who study people , who can read them and their reactions to the everyday not just sexual.

It can go wrong so very, very easily and the naive person stepping foot into the deep dark waters with a profile saying im a new sub looking for a Dom puts themselves in a very vulnerable position.

I know someone who went to meet their Dom of 6 months for the first time recently and in first meeting was going to let her pierce him intimately. When he revealed the piercing equipment she had told him to provide she nearly blacked out and it became apparent most of what she had told him was lies (that she was a piercing expert , had 27 people running her profile from another site..the list goes on) He had a very lucky escape.

As a sub you are giving your everything, your all and trusting that person will cherish the submission in return.

I had the Dom approach me on here saying ' you're a sub im a Dom that means that you'll do whatever I say.'

My reply was ,' yes in theory but im Owned and incredibly loyal to my Dom and im a bratty sub so would never do anything you order me to do...Goodbye.'

Finally people who say 'I'm into bdsm' great , now explore, research, learn what that means ... its like saying I like food.

And so ends today's lesson from subby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Agree with what you are saying. And I like the phrase ethical Dom/sub. But what do we call those who aren't ethical? Or should we as a community make a move from highlighting the bad to what makes an ethical Dom/sub? "

I think we as a community should be doing both, calling out unethical behaviour and being educating/highlighting ethical play.

What do I call wilfully unethical Doms/subs? A litany of inventive and abusive words.

Unethical and uneducated are two very different things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous.

A 'real' dom shouldn't have to read up on it, it should be a natural occurance that develops within the dynamic of two people.

I can be dom or sub or switch, entirely depends on the dynamic. I never label myself as anything because it can change depending on dynamic

Let’s go with cake!

If you have made beans on toast before, does that mean you automatically know how to be a pastry chef?

If you have never baked a cake before would you be able bake one without a recipe?

If you have watched every episode of bake off would you be able to make the perfect soufflé?

If you have only made chocolate brownies would you be able to make Choux buns?

Surely you would educate yourself? You would get a recipe book, be taught by an experienced cook, start off with the easy stuff and build up to baking more complicated cakes?

Just because you have watched porn, read 50 shades of grey or used a blindfold or a silk scarf to tie up your lover - that does not make you a Dominant.

So yes educating and learning is important when you first start, desire and an urge to bake a cake is important but education and understanding is critical.

On a separate point:

Also this ‘true/real/genuine’ Dom/sub language is very limiting, I am in total agreement with Gemini on this. I prefer to use the word ethical Dom/sub.

Mr HH"

That comes across as a little patronising and you totally missed the point of what I was saying... You have to have that sub/dom dynamic at base level to begin with as a foundation to build upon.....I never once mentioned extreme play methods or any play that has the potential to harm, of course you would explore that together

I was writing from my own experience and my own perspective. Each experience is personal to them

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I find this thread very interesting but I also find that a lot of people are using their experiences as the gospel approach to how a D/s dynamic works, which is never the case. All anyone can speak for is their own needs and how their dynamic works.

Yes a person starting out needs to be educated, they need to be careful and they need to take on as much as they possibly can. It’s also meant to be fun, thrilling and when done right, it’s intoxicating.

Some of these posts read a bit like gatekeeping, which is a little sad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous.

A 'real' dom shouldn't have to read up on it, it should be a natural occurance that develops within the dynamic of two people.

I can be dom or sub or switch, entirely depends on the dynamic. I never label myself as anything because it can change depending on dynamic

Let’s go with cake!

If you have made beans on toast before, does that mean you automatically know how to be a pastry chef?

If you have never baked a cake before would you be able bake one without a recipe?

If you have watched every episode of bake off would you be able to make the perfect soufflé?

If you have only made chocolate brownies would you be able to make Choux buns?

Surely you would educate yourself? You would get a recipe book, be taught by an experienced cook, start off with the easy stuff and build up to baking more complicated cakes?

Just because you have watched porn, read 50 shades of grey or used a blindfold or a silk scarf to tie up your lover - that does not make you a Dominant.

So yes educating and learning is important when you first start, desire and an urge to bake a cake is important but education and understanding is critical.

On a separate point:

Also this ‘true/real/genuine’ Dom/sub language is very limiting, I am in total agreement with Gemini on this. I prefer to use the word ethical Dom/sub.

Mr HH

I was writing from my own experience and my own perspective. Each experience is personal to them"

It was not meant as patronising, I was just responding to what I read and using a metaphor to illustrate my point.

I understood and agree with your point that desire/urge is important, if you don’t want to be a Dom/sub then you never will be. However education and understand is critical, no matter what level you play at. Even the softest levels of play have the potential to injure - a silk scarf tied around the wrists can cut of circulation if done badly.

I fully accept you perspective and experience which is completely valid, it would be remiss of me not too and it wouldn’t be an adult discussion if I didn’t; similarly this is also based on my experience and perspective.

Mr HH

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think what a lot of people miss ( and sorry if I sound full of myself) but a D/s relationship is what you make of it…. Having open and honest conversations in the beginning to know your both heading in the same direction…. Questioning a lot even completing BDSM questionnaires copied from online so your Dom can see what likes and dislikes are….. it’s not something that happens in a couple of meets it’s something special and meaningful, that is built over time, learning to read one another so your always in the same headspace…. But the massive thing is…it’s what you want it to be xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst I agree to an extent, a new Dom who hasn’t taken the time to read up, watch/listen more experienced people, and educated themselves, they are just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

Also, some of them use it as an excuse to abuse and assault, that’s not new to it, it’s a fake and it is dangerous.

A 'real' dom shouldn't have to read up on it, it should be a natural occurance that develops within the dynamic of two people.

I can be dom or sub or switch, entirely depends on the dynamic. I never label myself as anything because it can change depending on dynamic

Let’s go with cake!

If you have made beans on toast before, does that mean you automatically know how to be a pastry chef?

If you have never baked a cake before would you be able bake one without a recipe?

If you have watched every episode of bake off would you be able to make the perfect soufflé?

If you have only made chocolate brownies would you be able to make Choux buns?

Surely you would educate yourself? You would get a recipe book, be taught by an experienced cook, start off with the easy stuff and build up to baking more complicated cakes?

Just because you have watched porn, read 50 shades of grey or used a blindfold or a silk scarf to tie up your lover - that does not make you a Dominant.

So yes educating and learning is important when you first start, desire and an urge to bake a cake is important but education and understanding is critical.

On a separate point:

Also this ‘true/real/genuine’ Dom/sub language is very limiting, I am in total agreement with Gemini on this. I prefer to use the word ethical Dom/sub.

Mr HH

I was writing from my own experience and my own perspective. Each experience is personal to them

It was not meant as patronising, I was just responding to what I read and using a metaphor to illustrate my point.

Mr HH

And nowhere did I say that people should engage in practises which have the potential to harm without having an understanding of safety.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" “A 'real' dom shouldn't have to read up on it, it should be a natural occurance that develops within the dynamic of two people”"

" And nowhere did I say that people should engage in practises which have the potential to harm without having an understanding of safety. "

I must have misunderstood what you said then.

Mr HH

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are times I wouldn’t really say I’m submissive, but couldn’t really say I’m a Dom either. Just easy going, open minded. Not really fussed to be either one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find this thread very interesting but I also find that a lot of people are using their experiences as the gospel approach to how a D/s dynamic works, which is never the case. All anyone can speak for is their own needs and how their dynamic works.

Some of these posts read a bit like gatekeeping, which is a little sad "

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

I completely agree with this and others who have made similar points.

The dynamics are fluid and like any other kink or vanilla dynamic they can be magical or not so magical based on many factors, including experience and expectations.

I have been astonished by the number of conversations I've had with doms warning me about other doms for not being "real"!

Are they well meaning, perhaps born out of their need to protect me, or, do they want to feel superior? It's been baffling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I completely agree with this and others who have made similar points.

The dynamics are fluid and like any other kink or vanilla dynamic they can be magical or not so magical based on many factors, including experience and expectations.

I have been astonished by the number of conversations I've had with doms warning me about other doms for not being "real"!

Are they well meaning, perhaps born out of their need to protect me, or, do they want to feel superior? It's been baffling. "

I think that they are trying to protect you xx

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Call me wet behind the luggage but what even is a dom?

The 1 that takes the lead ?

The 1 that initiates ?

The 1 that cracks the whips ?

A dominant person in a BDSM relationship or encounter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely! Spanking me and rough sex doesn’t make someone a Dom!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've met a few sadly. However, there's a difference between that and a guy who's learning the ropes with d/s and it's just lacking experience.

When I was learning Shibari I had someone to show me the ropes. "

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By *lice MaliceWoman
over a year ago

The Facility

Walk around LAM, or the BBB on a lazy Sunday or any private invite only dungeon event or play party and you will see how many different dynamics there are between consenting adults who participate in BDSM. There is no one true way as much as there's no true subs or true doms. They're all different and each as valid as any other. Unless they're non consensual.

Communication, negotiation and consent are the keys to any healthy relationship within any community though.

There's always been a huge divide between those who practise bdsm and swingers and a lot if snobbery on both sides. Bdsm doesn't have to include sex at all where swinging obviously does.

Finding the right person can be as difficult as finding a pair of shoes that fit well as soon as you put them on. Not everyone fits and there are abusers within both communities.

Politeness and respect however should be a given especially where its something that you don't understand. The default seems to be here to ridicule that which isn't understood or is different to what is considered 'normal'.

I'm certainly not advocating that this is the way everyone does things but we are indeed all different.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Walk around LAM, or the BBB on a lazy Sunday or any private invite only dungeon event or play party and you will see how many different dynamics there are between consenting adults who participate in BDSM. There is no one true way as much as there's no true subs or true doms. They're all different and each as valid as any other. Unless they're non consensual.

Communication, negotiation and consent are the keys to any healthy relationship within any community though.

There's always been a huge divide between those who practise bdsm and swingers and a lot if snobbery on both sides. Bdsm doesn't have to include sex at all where swinging obviously does.

Finding the right person can be as difficult as finding a pair of shoes that fit well as soon as you put them on. Not everyone fits and there are abusers within both communities.

I'm certainly not advocating that this is the way everyone does things but we are indeed all different.

Well said.

I think of finding the right fit like a lock and key or a fingerprint, it’s that unique

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"I have been astonished by the number of conversations I've had with doms warning me about other doms for not being "real"!

Are they well meaning, perhaps born out of their need to protect me, or, do they want to feel superior? It's been baffling.

I think that they are trying to protect you xx

That's cute but also patronising and not very well informed.

It's basically a stranger slagging off another stranger to a stranger.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is there an exam?"

Not something else that now needs regulation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Communication, negotiation and consent are the keys to any healthy relationship within any community though.

There's always been a huge divide between those who practise bdsm and swingers and a lot if snobbery on both sides. Bdsm doesn't have to include sex at all where swinging obviously does.

Finding the right person can be as difficult as finding a pair of shoes that fit well as soon as you put them on. Not everyone fits and there are abusers within both communities.

I'm certainly not advocating that this is the way everyone does things but we are indeed all different.

Agree with this!

The only time I'd refer to someone as a fake or pretend dom is in the case of someone who is clearly an abuser and using the dom identification as a mask or way in.

I agree its different for all and as a result no one answer or definition. It certainly takes time and everyone starts somewhere. I've learnt a lot since being on fab etc. And I know that will continue. I have learnt the hard way too. But when it works. Its just works.

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