FabSwingers.com forum: To message or...

By *acksLament OP Man
over a year ago

Wales

....not to message? Am I the only one who resists the urge to message someone you really fancy on here because if they don't reply or they do and they aren't interested then even the dream of possibly meeting is over!?

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I say go for it. Better to may be make that dream a reality than to be left wondering x

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

Nah I usually just message them anyway if they don't reply it’s their loss

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By *acksLament OP Man
over a year ago

Wales

"I say go for it. Better to may be make that dream a reality than to be left wondering x"

Yeah...I know, but I often cock up that first message, I'm terrible at introducing myself!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

MESSAGE!!!

Stick it out and don’t be afraid to get it cut off!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone local I'd love to message just for her updates but cant because I'm outside her age range.

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By *acksLament OP Man
over a year ago

Wales

"MESSAGE!!!

Stick it out and don’t be afraid to get it cut off!!!

But I don't want it cutting off...I need it!

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

You'll be fine x

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By *r easy1981Man
over a year ago

leeds

I am the same

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By *cottish gentMan
over a year ago

Dumbarton

"Nah I usually just message them anyway if they don't reply it’s their loss

Great outlook. Love this much positivity.

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By *acksLament OP Man
over a year ago

Wales

"You'll be fine x"

Thanks,you might be right...I can handle the rejection, I just don't want to.

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By *ulldog_71Man
over a year ago

Sedgefield

It's better to regret giving it a go than regret not giving it a go. Jump in, if it's someone in the forums see if they are on a tread that can help you introduce yourself.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"It's better to regret giving it a go than regret not giving it a go. Jump in, if it's someone in the forums see if they are on a tread that can help you introduce yourself."

Oh so that's how you do it....sneaky

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By *acksLament OP Man
over a year ago

Wales

"It's better to regret giving it a go than regret not giving it a go. Jump in, if it's someone in the forums see if they are on a tread that can help you introduce yourself."

Good call...I know they come on the forums, maybe that's where I need to test the waters?

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By *uke OzadeMan
over a year ago

Ho Chi Minge City

Go for it! Think of it like fishing. You don’t expect to catch on every cast but occasionally you might just reel in a beauty…..if you didn’t cast, you wouldn’t have caught

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"You'll be fine x

Thanks,you might be right...I can handle the rejection, I just don't want to. "

Unfortunately it's part of life. If I were you, I'd do it as I'd regret it more if I didn't x

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By *acksLament OP Man
over a year ago

Wales

"Go for it! Think of it like fishing. You don’t expect to catch on every cast but occasionally you might just reel in a beauty…..if you didn’t cast, you wouldn’t have caught

I hate fishing...

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By *ulldog_71Man
over a year ago

Sedgefield

"It's better to regret giving it a go than regret not giving it a go. Jump in, if it's someone in the forums see if they are on a tread that can help you introduce yourself.

Oh so that's how you do it....sneaky

It's how I should have done it but was beaten to it

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

"It's better to regret giving it a go than regret not giving it a go. Jump in, if it's someone in the forums see if they are on a tread that can help you introduce yourself."

This

there are lots of people I would never of had the chance to speak to if it had not been for the forums

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

someone has to message first, if they say n then so what, block and move on

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Sooo, you only message people you don't really fancy?

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Go for it! Think of it like fishing. You don’t expect to catch on every cast but occasionally you might just reel in a beauty…..if you didn’t cast, you wouldn’t have caught

I hate fishing...

She might like you but feels the same way about messaging..... life is to short...have fun

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"It's better to regret giving it a go than regret not giving it a go. Jump in, if it's someone in the forums see if they are on a tread that can help you introduce yourself.

Good call...I know they come on the forums, maybe that's where I need to test the waters? "

Yes this is a great idea.

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By *acksLament OP Man
over a year ago

Wales

"Sooo, you only message people you don't really fancy?

Haha...I was waiting for that one! No, not at all. But this person is pretty close and really pushes all the right buttons for me...make sense?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Sooo, you only message people you don't really fancy?

Haha...I was waiting for that one! No, not at all. But this person is pretty close and really pushes all the right buttons for me...make sense? "

Only because I've seen it said so many times on here or versions of it.

To me it's like choosing not to eat the nicest chocolate in the box and just looking at it instead but that's just the way I think

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By *B69Woman
over a year ago

Wiltshire

Go for it. what have you got to lose

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

I message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am the same, usually wait until someone message's first. Should take everyone's advice lol

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By *ambofkMan
over a year ago

Hamilton

I find that there is a lot of single males that get a lot of stigma for messaging first, now I understand that some are extremely rude and deserve what’s coming to them. However i think this post does shed some light on the Difficulties a small few of us very genuine guys face, confidence is a factor and it takes a lot to make the first move x as for the original question i would always suggest taking a chance and as long as your well spoken in your opening message and dont come across as fake or desperate or eager then you may just get lucky and find a reply waiting in your inbox. Good luck OP you will do fine im sure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend not to for the most part.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"....not to message? Am I the only one who resists the urge to message someone you really fancy on here because if they don't reply or they do and they aren't interested then even the dream of possibly meeting is over!? "

Go for it, I get ignored all the time and I just think it's their loss.

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and if they don't reply, or reject, you are no worse off than you were before! Even if they block you for some stupid reason without having the slightest idea what kind of guy you are, it's probably their loss not yours. Always bear in mind that seduction is a bit like waiting for a bus, it doesn't matter if you miss the first one, as there will be another one along in a minute. Take a tip from an old hand with years of experience, confidence is what the game is all about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you say just the right interesting thing that catches her eye and differentiates you from everybody else, who knows? Never know till you try.

There is of course no magic word or formula for this. It's just pure chance but that's how everybody clicks, by chance.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

One option has the outcome of you definitely not getting to meet the person concerned - the other has a 50/50 chance you won't - so ask yourself this, do you definitely *not* want to meet them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you never ask you never know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would you not send it? If you don’t, you’ll live in the grip of constant hope that you’ll get a reply, rather than the higher probability that you’ll be ignored and deleted. And as we know, hope is a dangerous thing!

Better to send a message and have the outcome confirmed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go for it I’ve lost track the amount of times I’ve messaged women and got no reply or a knock back , but if you don’t give it a go you will never know what might happen and if you might get a reply back rejection is part and parcel for guys on here unfortunately

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

An arrow never shot will never hit the target.

You created this thread in the time it would have taken to message the woman in question and there's a risk of rejection here too when others respond in a way you don't want to hear

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

warrington

"Nah I usually just message them anyway if they don't reply it’s their loss

This

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

warrington

People tend to regret the things they didn’t do, more than the things they did do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get those fingers busy and message ….what you got to lose?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nah, send that message op

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

I really don’t see the point in not messaging as you’ve got nothing anyway, but messaging gives you an opportunity.

There’s 1000’s of guys who are taking the initiative and messaging her and you are standing by watching.

Are you always going to be THAT guy who loses out or are you get some balls and message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I really don’t see the point in not messaging as you’ve got nothing anyway, but messaging gives you an opportunity.

There’s 1000’s of guys who are taking the initiative and messaging her and you are standing by watching.

Are you always going to be THAT guy who loses out or are you get some balls and message

Amen to that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just go for it, been in same situation x

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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago

Reading

I know now due to my age

.I Send a wink . I know most ? Delete winks. But as a lot of females , couples delate most messages. As I also then on forums and sometimes go into chat rooms. Hopefully my profile is checked and will be contacted.

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By *quaman87Man
over a year ago

Colchester

Just do it!! We all get knock backs and we all knock back! Don't let it knock your confidence. You never know they may reply

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By *vriderMan
over a year ago

Chester

Send it, delete it and forget it.

Gone in the ether or perhaps you'll get a nice surprise with a reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure if it’s an age thing but I no longer take rejection personally. People of all kinds are attracted to people of all kinds (bios on here being evidence of that) it’s just part of life’s tapestry I guess and as equally as it might mean you’re rejected by some, it could mean you’re pursued by others.

Coupled with the fact that this is a swinging site i.e. mainly just for sex, as opposed to feelings, rejection on first approach doesn’t hold the same peril for me as if it were something different. It happens to us all. If you’re rejected by this person, I’m sure it will open opportunities to meet other people you might not otherwise.

Try not to get caught in the moment and send the message. There’s very little to lose I say. Good luck OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do this a lot because a lot of the time people who are my type wouldn't go for an ugly moose like myself ( just to be clear, I'm not fishing I genuinely think I'm ugly and I'm very unfiltered so I say exactly how I feel.)

I did take the plunge with a guy I had winked a few times because I wanted to know If he thought I sounded like a massive c*** or if it was because he wasn't attracted to me. He didn't need to reply but he sent me a very lovely reply saying I seem really nice, and am beautiful, just not his type.

He didn't need to compliment me and I should have taken it as a positive that he didn't think I sounded awful but I took it really badly and haven't messaged anyone first since

In several years I've only messaged first a handful of times and I've always been rejected or given an excuse as to why we can't meet so I don't feel able to message those I like.

I'm going through a tough time with issues with my appearance. They affect my day to day life so I'm trying to just stick to the forums and keep in touch with friends.

I probably shouldn't consider meeting when every meet makes me feel ugly afterwards.

I know this message makes me sound very unappealing but I want anyone who suffers with BDD to know they aren't alone and for others to educate themselves on it.

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By *ookingtoseeMan
over a year ago

Brighton

Always message

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By *quaman87Man
over a year ago

Colchester

"I do this a lot because a lot of the time people who are my type wouldn't go for an ugly moose like myself ( just to be clear, I'm not fishing I genuinely think I'm ugly and I'm very unfiltered so I say exactly how I feel.)

He didn't need to compliment me and I should have taken it as a positive that he didn't think I sounded awful but I took it really badly and haven't messaged anyone first since

In several years I've only messaged first a handful of times and I've always been rejected or given an excuse as to why we can't meet so I don't feel able to message those I like.

I'm going through a tough time with issues with my appearance. They affect my day to day life so I'm trying to just stick to the forums and keep in touch with friends.

I probably shouldn't consider meeting when every meet makes me feel ugly afterwards.

I know this message makes me sound very unappealing but I want anyone who suffers with BDD to know they aren't alone and for others to educate themselves on it.

"
you are bo ugly moose!! Do t put yourself down! Gorgeous xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you always going to be THAT guy who loses out or are you get some balls and message

Very true!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Send that message OP you never know you may be surprised, good luck x

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

"I say go for it. Better to may be make that dream a reality than to be left wondering x"

But they never reply

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

He didn't need to compliment me and I should have taken it as a positive that he didn't think I sounded awful but I took it really badly and haven't messaged anyone first since

In several years I've only messaged first a handful of times and I've always been rejected or given an excuse as to why we can't meet so I don't feel able to message those I like.

I'm going through a tough time with issues with my appearance. They affect my day to day life so I'm trying to just stick to the forums and keep in touch with friends.

I probably shouldn't consider meeting when every meet makes me feel ugly afterwards.

I know this message makes me sound very unappealing but I want anyone who suffers with BDD to know they aren't alone and for others to educate themselves on it.

Fuck if ur ugly then I’m well fucked ur gorgeus with the most fit body and mind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He didn't need to compliment me and I should have taken it as a positive that he didn't think I sounded awful but I took it really badly and haven't messaged anyone first since

In several years I've only messaged first a handful of times and I've always been rejected or given an excuse as to why we can't meet so I don't feel able to message those I like.

I'm going through a tough time with issues with my appearance. They affect my day to day life so I'm trying to just stick to the forums and keep in touch with friends.

I probably shouldn't consider meeting when every meet makes me feel ugly afterwards.

I know this message makes me sound very unappealing but I want anyone who suffers with BDD to know they aren't alone and for others to educate themselves on it.

Fuck if ur ugly then I’m well fucked ur gorgeus with the most fit body and mind"

Thankyou that's very kind of you. I actually really appreciate the mind part.

I'm too honest for my own good and I put people off a lot.

I relate to someone who talked about having high functioning autism and people not getting what they were trying to say.

I feel like I often say the wrong thing on here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep, I rarely message first because I always assume that they'd never be interested

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By *olden PoleMan
over a year ago

Kent

Yep, I rarely message first because I always assume that they'd never be interested"

I think you’d be pleasantly surprised by how many fabbers would be very interested in you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's ok if your a decent looker.you may get a reply. But normally you will get ignored .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep, I rarely message first because I always assume that they'd never be interested

I think you’d be pleasantly surprised by how many fabbers would be very interested in you."

Thank you

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By *acksLament OP Man
over a year ago

Wales

Just noticed this had a bit of a revival after 3 weeks....if anyone is interested I did and I didn't message, had a small interaction on the forums and a private message or two, but nothing more than some cheeky banter. Still keeping the dream alive!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just noticed this had a bit of a revival after 3 weeks....if anyone is interested I did and I didn't message, had a small interaction on the forums and a private message or two, but nothing more than some cheeky banter. Still keeping the dream alive!! "

It's the best way

there are a few I am on the cusp of messaging, but I will keep it finger just hovering over the send button, a warm feeling knowing I could, but I wont

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Send the message OP, you don’t regret the things you do…you regret the things you don’t do.

If you ask you won’t know

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By *acksLament OP Man
over a year ago

Wales

It's the best way

there are a few I am on the cusp of messaging, but I will keep it finger just hovering over the send button, a warm feeling knowing I could, but I wont

Exactly...I think you may be the only person who's agreed with me!

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Yeah you!

I did check my inbox and no message! So it wasn't me

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By *acksLament OP Man
over a year ago

Wales

Yeah you!

I did check my inbox and no message! So it wasn't me

That's only because I'm out of your age range....a while to go before I'm 99

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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago

Reading

I contributed to this thread earlier. Finding most of messages are coming from forums etc. At moment resisting sending a first message. Do send a few winks though

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Yeah you!

I did check my inbox and no message! So it wasn't me

That's only because I'm out of your age range....a while to go before I'm 99

I like my older men

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go for it, you never know until you try. That being said from past experience some people are best left as a fantasy once they start speaking

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

Bite the bullet and do it. The worst they can say is nothing.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

It's like ripping off a plaster, just do it, get the rejection over and done with....or maybe it'll go well.

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By *obbychickWoman
over a year ago

Essex

I think you should go for it. Sometimes you could be surprised.

I’ve recently started to send a few out, it’s nice to see if the wants on here match. If not then there’s nothing to lose.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Do it, you’ve nothing to lose and maybe a pleasant surprise to gain

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Go for it, you never know until you try. That being said from past experience some people are best left as a fantasy once they start speaking

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By *acksLament OP Man
over a year ago

Wales

Feels like the pressure is on now...I think I've built this up too much!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nah I usually just message them anyway if they don't reply it’s their loss

I bet you don't get many not reply though

when you haven't had any it gets harder to say that to yourself convincingly lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep, I rarely message first because I always assume that they'd never be interested"

I get what you mean that's why I keep coming on forum instead lol

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