FabSwingers.com forum: I'm not 'normal'

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Al my life I've got this condition, Pectus carinatum, which makes me look disfigured and has immensely affected my confidence in attending any events which require you to be topless. Whether that's swimming, the beach, or even the swinging clubs. I'd truly love to go but I just feel I can't.

I'm not sure if I should be even posting this as this is something that I struggle to come to terms with. What do you think I should do? Put it in my profile? Delete my account? I really want to be out there more but this is really holding me back

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *egoMan
over a year ago

Preston

Hey, nothing to fear.

We have every shape and size on here.

Some may have a Kink for it, others may not care about it. And those that don’t will probably just glance ignore.

I’d post it but look happy with it, not a woe is me picture.

Own it, make it an attribute that few others have.

I mean I have a thing for various body differences, amputees, weird skin, dwarfism. I’m just a very curious cat. So they’re may well be someone curious and how else would you find them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I have seen men in towelling robes at clubs and lots of men wear t-shirts on the beach and in the sea.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't delete your account unless you want too of course.

Embrace the body your in, it's yours and you should own it

Miss S x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all, I've done a bold step and added a picture....

You're right, I definitely should embrace it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Well done for posting a photo.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Embrace what you have. Some will not care, others will but its what you've got so flaunt it x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you. I'm shaking at this...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi OP

You have taken a big step outside of your comfort zone and I congratulate you for it.

In just a few replies you gained enough inner strength to post a pic, I looked at it and saw a happy guy and that's what others will see.

You don't need to delete your account or hide yourself away, you need to join in and enjoy yourself on here because you're equal to everyone else.

Enjoy

NBVN x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for your kind words. I've updated my profile too. I've spent 40yrs hiding away, it's about time I stopped doing that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Congratulations on having the courage to post a picture.

The thing is that we all have standards of beauty as to what the ‘perfect body’ or what attractive looks like pressed upon us from thousands of sources.

Very few of us actually look like that or can even achieve that with all of the will in the world, so instead of chasing an unachievable image of beauty, we should celebrate bodies in all of their differences.

This is your body, you only get one. Without being glib or dismissive, trying to find a way to love your body with its flaws and differences is a much happier journey

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you, I'm just on the start of my journey and so far, I've received nothing but support so thank you all very much. I'm at a loss for words really

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *xhib12Man
over a year ago

Blyth

Hi Ally, I have the same condition , although not as noticable as yours. Childhood and teen years were immensely difficult due to questions asked and then ridicule. Self confidence was just about non existent at one point but luckily I grew chest hair which hides it to a large extent. I'm still very self conscious of it when I get intimate with someone for the first time but I've found that putting that out there when it's obvious where things are heading helps massively.

As others have said, it's the body you've been given and nothing you can do about it so own it and move forward. Many people have self confidence issues about some part of their body so the vast majority of people will understand. Good luck mate.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *egoMan
over a year ago

Preston

Big thumbs up fella!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well done on having the confidence to post your photo.

May you find the fun your looking for on here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ightmovesTV/TS
over a year ago

Ipswich

You look good sweetie. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling

Embrace the body you are in, confidence is the sexiest thing you can possess x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"Thank you, I'm just on the start of my journey and so far, I've received nothing but support so thank you all very much. I'm at a loss for words really"

That's right mate, you go for it. Let's hope freedom day will be YOUR freedom day.

Never let anyone drag you down to their level, once you accept yourself, so will others.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all. Maybe one day I'll be able to go to a swingers club

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I've seen guys at clubs with the same condition and nobody bat's an eyelid that I know of.

It's always hard when you expose an insecurity about yourself and I hope this goes someway to making you see that it's not that big of n issue for most people.

Some might not like it and that's their choice, just a they aren't dicks about how they express that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've seen guys at clubs with the same condition and nobody bat's an eyelid that I know of.

It's always hard when you expose an insecurity about yourself and I hope this goes someway to making you see that it's not that big of n issue for most people.

Some might not like it and that's their choice, just a they aren't dicks about how they express that. "

Really? Have you? Wow, so there's more like me? I'm a long way off being comfortable with myself let alone a club but hopefully one day I'll get there

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

Dear OP. I have pectus excavatum and I genuinely know how difficult it can be to put a picture of your body on this site when somehow you don’t feel whole. Let’s just say I avoid Torso Tuesday threads like the plague.

But you know what OP. Everybody that puts a picture on here is “brave” and you need to see that for yourself, very few people are happy with the way they look. Whether you stay or go is up to you, but coming to terms with and accepting how you look will follow you off this site and always be with you.

Fab has been a great way for me to accept who I am and how I look. Yes I get insulted a bit, but I don’t let it break me, I know what I look like cannot be changed (without 3 steel rods being pushed through my body, my rib cage being broken and then them reforming around the steel structure, which I would have done 20 years ago, but not now). If you want people to accept you for who you are, a big step in that direction is for you to accept who you are.

Be well friend.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey, nothing to fear.

We have every shape and size on here.

Some may have a Kink for it, others may not care about it. And those that don’t will probably just glance ignore.

I’d post it but look happy with it, not a woe is me picture.

Own it, make it an attribute that few others have.

I mean I have a thing for various body differences, amputees, weird skin, dwarfism. I’m just a very curious cat. So they’re may well be someone curious and how else would you find them."

I do have a thing for dwarfism!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arker secrets 321Man
over a year ago

West Bromwich

Maximum respect 2 u my friend .

U can't alter wot uv got .but u can alter ur out look and u seem 2 b doin that so well don u ..there are lots of swingers clubs were u don't av 2 strip off .so u can walk around with confidence and enjoy the experience.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear OP. I have pectus excavatum and I genuinely know how difficult it can be to put a picture of your body on this site when somehow you don’t feel whole. Let’s just say I avoid Torso Tuesday threads like the plague.

Be well friend. "

Thanks. I have looked at the surgery but sadly, it's not available on the NHS and is incredibly invasive. I think it's about £30k to fix.

But it's a big mental hurdle to accept myself for who I am

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

Be well friend.

Thanks. I have looked at the surgery but sadly, it's not available on the NHS and is incredibly invasive. I think it's about £30k to fix.

But it's a big mental hurdle to accept myself for who I am "

I know. Trust me on this. And every time you get a comment about it. It’s like a kick in the teeth. Don’t let it run your life. I can only tell you what I did. I bought a digital slr camera and took hundreds of pictures of myself naked. No filters, nothing, just me. It broke my heart took at those pictures. I wept openly. But it is who I am and over time I learned to accept that this is what I look like. Yes every negative comment sends me back to those dark days, but I have met many people, people who appear to have enjoyed my company, and that’s what lifts me out of those dark days.

You will find your way chap, but you are going to have to find out what works for you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks. I refrain from being in pictures in general. I don't know why I've decided today is the day that I'm trying to break out of it and probably tomorrow I'll change my mind but I have to start somewhere. I just have to.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be well friend.

Thanks. I have looked at the surgery but sadly, it's not available on the NHS and is incredibly invasive. I think it's about £30k to fix.

But it's a big mental hurdle to accept myself for who I am "

How about trying braces? Even getting into weight training may at least improve your overall physique. If none is viable then it is a case of accepting how it is, people like all sorts on here and you certainly should not be deleting. There are more people on here with imperfect bodies than perfect. Well done on being open though, maybe that is a first step of self acceptance. Hugs mate

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

"Thanks. I refrain from being in pictures in general. I don't know why I've decided today is the day that I'm trying to break out of it and probably tomorrow I'll change my mind but I have to start somewhere. I just have to. "

Yes you do and today is a good day to start. And yes it makes you feel vulnerable, but it will give you strength. Find your way. Write it down. Expose yourself to trolls (it toughens you, unfortunately) but most of all. Truly appreciate that You are more than your chest, so very much more

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I haven't had a troll (yet) but I'm prepared for it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After I had cancer in my early twenties my body turned on it self, could barely walk, couldn’t balance, no immune system. I looked like I was d*unk, I would have seizures brought on about anxiety about what people thought about me. I took up running in the early hours so no one could see me and my attempt at running was more of a zig zag, it gave me more confidence. Over a long period of time my body slowly started to recover and I went running in the day when there were more people around. No one paid any attention to me or what I looked like or how I moved. I have a massive shingles scar on my chest and I have no problem being topless. It seems it means more to you than it does anyone else. So just go out and enjoy yourself and you’ll build on your self esteem and confidence. Good Luck.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nkforthekinkMan
over a year ago

london/fareham/brighton

Normal is boring!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"After I had cancer in my early twenties my body turned on it self, could barely walk, couldn’t balance, no immune system. I looked like I was d*unk, I would have seizures brought on about anxiety about what people thought about me. I took up running in the early hours so no one could see me and my attempt at running was more of a zig zag, it gave me more confidence. Over a long period of time my body slowly started to recover and I went running in the day when there were more people around. No one paid any attention to me or what I looked like or how I moved. I have a massive shingles scar on my chest and I have no problem being topless. It seems it means more to you than it does anyone else. So just go out and enjoy yourself and you’ll build on your self esteem and confidence. Good Luck."

Thanks. I am so grateful for everyone's support

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire village

"Thank you all, I've done a bold step and added a picture....

You're right, I definitely should embrace it"

I hope you don't take these words in the wrong way, there's absolutely no bad intention.

I didn't know what you meant. Looked at your photo. Said "oh yeah I see", and that's literally all the reaction I had and would have to seeing you topless.

You're brave to post the photo of the thing that bothers you. Go you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I haven't had a troll (yet) but I'm prepared for it. "

Would be sickening if people would troll something like this but literally everything is trolled these days unfortunately

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

"Al my life I've got this condition, Pectus carinatum, which makes me look disfigured and has immensely affected my confidence in attending any events which require you to be topless. Whether that's swimming, the beach, or even the swinging clubs. I'd truly love to go but I just feel I can't.

Of course you are normal, you are just not perfect but neither is anybody on here. Just relax, be yourself and don't let this spoil your life as you only live once.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Be yourself dont delete your profile xxxx you look fine xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Normal ? Who is ?

I'd never heard of the condition you have so I looked it up.

My advice was going to be 'wear it with confidence' because if you are out there and happy, no one takes any notice. If you are out there and miserably hiding yourself no one sees your personality and just can't take an interest.

My advice now is , 'be bloody happy' .... your pic is absolutely zilch compared to some I saw on then net.....

I think you are right to be up front with a pic and if you hadn't mentioned it , i'd have not known from the pic.

Good move.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thank you all, I've done a bold step and added a picture....

You're right, I definitely should embrace it

I hope you don't take these words in the wrong way, there's absolutely no bad intention.

I didn't know what you meant. Looked at your photo. Said "oh yeah I see", and that's literally all the reaction I had and would have to seeing you topless.

You're brave to post the photo of the thing that bothers you. Go you

Thanks. I can see that I'm a turn off for most people.

The next big thing is being topless around people whether it be a private meet or clubs as you'll be able to see people's reactions. At the moment, I can hide in the internet

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

It's where the breast bone sinks into the chest x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Of course you are normal, you are just not perfect but neither is anybody on here. Just relax, be yourself and don't let this spoil your life as you only live once."

Thank you for your kind words

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a look. Didn't really notice to be honest. Just looks like your shape is all. Crack on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Normal ? Who is ?

I'd never heard of the condition you have so I looked it up.

My advice now is , 'be bloody happy' .... your pic is absolutely zilch compared to some I saw on then net.....

I think you are right to be up front with a pic and if you hadn't mentioned it , i'd have not known from the pic.

Good move.

Thank you. This is very scary for me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lym4realCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

Congrats for posting a picture and ignore anyone who might ?? as they are just very shallow and we have bits of body we don't like as we quite happily point out ..The brain should be the largest sex organ on anyone's body but sadly for some on here it's not though ?? and like most on here had never heard of your condiotion but looking at your picture just though ahhhhh and learn something new everyday so thanks x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"It's where the breast bone sinks into the chest x"

Growth of rib x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Normal ? Who is ?

I'd never heard of the condition you have so I looked it up.

My advice now is , 'be bloody happy' .... your pic is absolutely zilch compared to some I saw on then net.....

I think you are right to be up front with a pic and if you hadn't mentioned it , i'd have not known from the pic.

Good move.

Thank you. This is very scary for me "

Dont let it scare you

You look fine xxxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" Congrats for posting a picture and ignore anyone who might ?? as they are just very shallow and we have bits of body we don't like as we quite happily point out ..The brain should be the largest sex organ on anyone's body but sadly for some on here it's not though ?? and like most on here had never heard of your condiotion but looking at your picture just though ahhhhh and learn something new everyday so thanks x "

Thanks. It's not a common condition and I do like to think personality shines more than anything which is why I like socials.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Normal ? Who is ?

I'd never heard of the condition you have so I looked it up.

My advice now is , 'be bloody happy' .... your pic is absolutely zilch compared to some I saw on then net.....

I think you are right to be up front with a pic and if you hadn't mentioned it , i'd have not known from the pic.

Good move.

Thank you. This is very scary for me

Dont let it scare you

You look fine xxxx"

Thank you xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Normal ? Who is ?

I'd never heard of the condition you have so I looked it up.

My advice now is , 'be bloody happy' .... your pic is absolutely zilch compared to some I saw on then net.....

I think you are right to be up front with a pic and if you hadn't mentioned it , i'd have not known from the pic.

Good move.

Thank you. This is very scary for me

Dont let it scare you

You look fine xxxx

Thank you xx"

Xxxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've lurked your profile and you look like an very handsome and way enjoyable guy. Nothing more, nothing less.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've lurked your profile and you look like an very handsome and way enjoyable guy. Nothing more, nothing less. "

Thank you so much!! Wow, that means a lot. Thank you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't add anything that hasn't already been said. All power to you OP, you got this, your future is yours for the taking!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I looked at your profile and photos before reading this thread. What I saw was a happy man, looking confident with who he is, with an amazing profile. I've yet to find someone who is completely at ease with everything about them, so let me welcome you to that club xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I looked at your profile and photos before reading this thread. What I saw was a happy man, looking confident with who he is, with an amazing profile. I've yet to find someone who is completely at ease with everything about them, so let me welcome you to that club xx

Thank you so much. Really lovely of you to say xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can't add anything that hasn't already been said. All power to you OP, you got this, your future is yours for the taking!!

Thank you, I'm trying

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Properly cheesy my response but: it’s your personality that matters most mate. Everyone’s got parts if their body they don’t like too. If you’re a pleasant, engaging guys, people will pleasantly engage with you. Keep your head up x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Properly cheesy my response but: it’s your personality that matters most mate. Everyone’s got parts if their body they don’t like too. If you’re a pleasant, engaging guys, people will pleasantly engage with you. Keep your head up x"

No cheese required! Thank you for your kind words

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Today is as good a day as any x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Today is as good a day as any x "

You're totally right x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/07/21 12:13:31]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you so much. Really lovely of you to say xx"

You're welcome xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *unandgamegeekMan
over a year ago

Bolton

I have something that is similar to what you have OP but opposite called Pectus Excavatum where my breastbone actually sinks into my chest. It doesn't cause any problems health wise and to bo honest, it has never bothered me and I've always been comfortable with my body.

My advice for you would be to never let what you have bother you. As long as you are good and friendly with other people, I'm sure you will be fine.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

OP, you are you. I hope that you manage to build confidence and become more comfortable with yourself. For me, visiting clubs helped me realise that bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and that the conventional idea of "normal" is a load of bull.

Wishing you all the best, Polly xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all again

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ohnywrongunMan
over a year ago

Epping

"Thank you all again"
wow

I've only just found this wishing you peace and love.

The most heartwarming thread I've ever seen

Thanks op you've brought a lot of happiness to a lot of people

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thank you all againwow

I've only just found this wishing you peace and love.

The most heartwarming thread I've ever seen

Thanks op you've brought a lot of happiness to a lot of people

I'm really quite taken aback from all the support and loveliness I have received. Thank you all so much. Means the world to me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread