FabSwingers.com forum: The Reject Button ?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've often seen the word 'rejection' on Fab but does its use make us feel worse than we should ?

I feel rejection if someone who knows me well decides they don't want to continue our relationship - a long term friend, partner or lover. That hurts.

But someone on Fab not answering a message, stopping chat or deciding a social meet won't go further ? Disappointing, sure, but are they really 'rejecting' you when they hardly know you at that point ?

How do you react to a 'no thanks', no reply or disappearing act ? Do these press the 'reject' button for you ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not nice for sure and can be hurtful. I'd rather know straight away than have the silence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Paddy got it right no likey no lighty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on their attachment and if they are prone to rejection sensitivity...it's a real thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it can feel like rejection as someone is really saying your not for me, or your not good enough. It hurts the ego and can make you go on the defensive. Just my opinion

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's not nice for sure and can be hurtful. I'd rather know straight away than have the silence."

Yes. That sudden silence or disappearance probably one of the big differences between online and 'real' world connection.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends on their attachment and if they are prone to rejection sensitivity...it's a real thing "

I'm sure. In that respect I guess I've got a thick skin. Or not sensitive enough ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doesn't really bother us, just like we're not interested in some people there are those that feel the same way about us. We've met some lovely people but zero sexual attraction in person

I think the only time it would sting if one of our regular friends cut contact.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it can feel like rejection as someone is really saying your not for me, or your not good enough. It hurts the ego and can make you go on the defensive. Just my opinion

A very valid one, thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on their attachment and if they are prone to rejection sensitivity...it's a real thing

I'm sure. In that respect I guess I've got a thick skin. Or not sensitive enough ? "

Or a secure attachment style

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on their attachment and if they are prone to rejection sensitivity...it's a real thing

I'm sure. In that respect I guess I've got a thick skin. Or not sensitive enough ? "

Rejection sensitivity is linked with trauma, abuse and some nuerodifferences

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends on their attachment and if they are prone to rejection sensitivity...it's a real thing

I'm sure. In that respect I guess I've got a thick skin. Or not sensitive enough ?

Rejection sensitivity is linked with trauma, abuse and some nuerodifferences"

Your knowledge is greater than mine here but that all makes sense. Reading to do on my part.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Rejection is never easy, but for me it depends on how much time I’ve wasted in chatting to them if I’m honest. And at the end of the day is it really that hard to say “not for me”?.

I think it shows you have no character when you choose easy over integrity. But, always better to find that out sooner rather than later so in a way they’ve done you a favour.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Doesn't really bother us, just like we're not interested in some people there are those that feel the same way about us. We've met some lovely people but zero sexual attraction in person

I think the only time it would sting if one of our regular friends cut contact."

This is my perspective- it's choice, theirs or mine, not rejection.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on their attachment and if they are prone to rejection sensitivity...it's a real thing

I'm sure. In that respect I guess I've got a thick skin. Or not sensitive enough ?

Rejection sensitivity is linked with trauma, abuse and some nuerodifferences

Your knowledge is greater than mine here but that all makes sense. Reading to do on my part."

It's mainly attachment theory bawlby read that,

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By *aughty_builder87Man
over a year ago

Keston

I never feel rejected as such, disappointed sure but nothing more then that. Does it affect my self confidence, a little bit yeah. What would the message being read change, just then I know for sure it didn’t get lost in a see of other messages.

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By *ussieChrisMan
over a year ago

Walsall

Should add a button on messages that goes alongside delete.. Something along the lines of 'no thanks'. Rather than delete or ignoring the message.. But hey ho.. Just my 2p lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Doesn't really bother us, just like we're not interested in some people there are those that feel the same way about us. We've met some lovely people but zero sexual attraction in person

I think the only time it would sting if one of our regular friends cut contact.

This is my perspective- it's choice, theirs or mine, not rejection."

Yea but like _a luna said, it's a pisser when you have taken the time and invested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I can deal with rejection perfectly fine if it's with someone I've not invested much of my time and effort in. But if I consider us good friends and then you disappear or reject me I'd definitely be left feeling hurt and vulnerable.

I don't know why people get so butthurt when they get a no thanks or no reply from someone they've never even spoken with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Complicated.

I can manufacture rejection even when it's not there thus leading to possible rejection - but then it feels like a relief (releasing the pressure on myself).

At the moment it's too tied up with my moods and when a 'high' mood tips itself into anxiety.

But this is only with someone I have built a rapport with.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"It's not nice for sure and can be hurtful. I'd rather know straight away than have the silence."

So true.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Rejection is never easy, but for me it depends on how much time I’ve wasted in chatting to them if I’m honest. And at the end of the day is it really that hard to say “not for me”?.

I think it shows you have no character when you choose easy over integrity. But, always better to find that out sooner rather than later so in a way they’ve done you a favour.

Turning that around, if you spend a lot of time chatting, etc, then decide, 'not for me', do you feel you're rejecting them or just expressing a choice ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you’re a single male here, rejection is a fact of life. I rarely send a message to a woman or a couple, mainly because they don’t even get read! Some would call it rejection, I just think we’re all overwhelmed… in my book, that’s hardly rejection!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Complicated.

I can manufacture rejection even when it's not there thus leading to possible rejection - but then it feels like a relief (releasing the pressure on myself).

At the moment it's too tied up with my moods and when a 'high' mood tips itself into anxiety.

But this is only with someone I have built a rapport with."

Thanks for sharing that perspective. I won't comment more as I think you've expressed it very well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's not nice for sure and can be hurtful. I'd rather know straight away than have the silence.

So true."

The Fab Sound of Silence...is there anyone there, hello ??

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think I can deal with rejection perfectly fine if it's with someone I've not invested much of my time and effort in. But if I consider us good friends and then you disappear or reject me I'd definitely be left feeling hurt and vulnerable.

I don't know why people get so butthurt when they get a no thanks or no reply from someone they've never even spoken with. "

I guess everyone has a 'tipping point' for possible feelings of rejection? Time and energy being big factors as to where we it kicks in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Complicated.

I can manufacture rejection even when it's not there thus leading to possible rejection - but then it feels like a relief (releasing the pressure on myself).

At the moment it's too tied up with my moods and when a 'high' mood tips itself into anxiety.

But this is only with someone I have built a rapport with."

Nuerodifference dont forget

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Complicated.

I can manufacture rejection even when it's not there thus leading to possible rejection - but then it feels like a relief (releasing the pressure on myself).

At the moment it's too tied up with my moods and when a 'high' mood tips itself into anxiety.

But this is only with someone I have built a rapport with.

Nuerodifference dont forget

This is the main reason I start more serious threads-to look and learn from others.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

It’s a website full of strangers, some may create relationships eventually, friendships or more, but you’re still a stranger sending a message to another stranger.

So it’s not rejection just no interest, if you met them at a social occasion and they ignored you in person, then that feels more like rejection.

Who knows what that person is doing or going through at that time when you send a message. I was in hospital, actually added to my status, where I was, but I still got messages asking if I was meeting

So stop feeling hurt or rejected if messages are ignored or deleted there could be a myriad of reasons and not all are personal.

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By *otPrinceHarryMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

I appreciate- but do not expect- a no thanks. Given the number of messages that couples and ladies get; that they've taken the time to reply to me (no matter how short) is hugely appreciated and makes me think "I'm no for them, but I'm not so bad."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've often seen the word 'rejection' on Fab but does its use make us feel worse than we should ?

I feel rejection if someone who knows me well decides they don't want to continue our relationship - a long term friend, partner or lover. That hurts.

How do you react to a 'no thanks', no reply or disappearing act ? Do these press the 'reject' button for you ?

At my age I don't think about it twice. Feelings don't come into it. You get tougher as you get older and I just move on

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think it's an over used word here to be honest - not getting a reply to a message is *not* rejection, not in the sense of having built a connection etc anyway, having someone stop responding after a handful of messages is *not* rejection either.

From there it's a sliding scale as to how much rejection we feel and may even depend on the dynamics of an individual interaction.

If it was someone I'd messaged a lot, who I'd possibly met (socially or otherwise) and built a level of connection with then I think the sense of rejection would be at the "disappointed" end of the scale but again the individual dynamic may come into play.

I know there are people I've met who after meeting them things have fizzled naturally and neither of us have thought twice about it - others where the sense of disappointment has been stronger.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I wouldn't call someone not replying to a message/stopping chat rejection, I think it's an easy way to describe it that's not quite accurate. Sometimes things fizzle, they have other priorities, they've found someone more suited to them.

I know that on Fab it can be taken very badly and personally - it's a sign of not being good enough, people have delicate temperaments and egos. Fair enough, we all handle things differently. I've been "rejected" once and I asked a good friend why and he told me to put my big girl big knickers on and move the fuck on. I liked that directness.

But what's not okay is weaponising that hurt. It's shitty behaviour and makes me eye roll so hard. Have a drink, a weep, fuck someone else - whatever. Don't hurt others though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It’s a website full of strangers, some may create relationships eventually, friendships or more, but you’re still a stranger sending a message to another stranger.

So it’s not rejection just no interest, if you met them at a social occasion and they ignored you in person, then that feels more like rejection.

So stop feeling hurt or rejected if messages are ignored or deleted there could be a myriad of reasons and not all are personal.

"
Very good point about not knowing what others are going through. Their 'no' often has nothing to do with you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I appreciate- but do not expect- a no thanks. Given the number of messages that couples and ladies get; that they've taken the time to reply to me (no matter how short) is hugely appreciated and makes me think "I'm no for them, but I'm not so bad.""

Despite my thick skin I admit a polite 'no thanks' is appreciated, if not always possible for reasons you say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Complicated.

I can manufacture rejection even when it's not there thus leading to possible rejection - but then it feels like a relief (releasing the pressure on myself).

At the moment it's too tied up with my moods and when a 'high' mood tips itself into anxiety.

But this is only with someone I have built a rapport with.

Nuerodifference dont forget

This is the main reason I start more serious threads-to look and learn from others.

Accepting self and self differences is the hardest thing to learne, especially if newly dx'd. Years of masking ... as the lovely eggs say...fuck it!

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

Never had a problem with rejection especially on this site. Never let it bother me - guess that's a good thing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

From there it's a sliding scale as to how much rejection we feel and may even depend on the dynamics of an individual interaction.

I used 'tipping point' earlier but I think sliding scale is better. Thanks GM.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

But what's not okay is weaponising that hurt. It's shitty behaviour and makes me eye roll so hard. Have a drink, a weep, fuck someone else - whatever. Don't hurt others though."

A Chain Rejection, as Diana Ross almost sang about. Yes, as your sensible friend advised: own it, fuck it and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the end of the day surely the other person your chatting to has to feel some kind of attraction if they wish to speak with you! Makes me laugh that on many statuses that the guys here can stand rejection and play there face and call them interesting phases should we say! At the end of the day politeness is key if you get no message back then don’t bombard them with more and more! Move on no harm in it is there!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

At my age I don't think about it twice. Feelings don't come into it. You get tougher as you get older and I just move on "

Definitely this for me to.

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By *igmaMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Time invested, as has been mentioned before, would be the operative word! It’s a red flag to me. I know what’s down those roads

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By *ympho6969Woman
over a year ago

glasgow

Didnt even know there was a rejected button...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've often seen the word 'rejection' on Fab but does its use make us feel worse than we should ?

I feel rejection if someone who knows me well decides they don't want to continue our relationship - a long term friend, partner or lover. That hurts.

How do you react to a 'no thanks', no reply or disappearing act ? Do these press the 'reject' button for you ?

"
Well said Leo it's a bit over the top to feel rejected by a few internet photos.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

If they don't know me then I'm not going to feel rejected on here any more than a tin of Heinz would feel rejected if I picked a tin of Cross and Blackwell in Sainsbury

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Does it bother me from strangers on here...no. If they don't have the balls or are man enough to say "sorry but no" then they weren't right for me in the first place.

In real life though, if it's someone who knows me properly then yes.

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By *ougie321Man
over a year ago

Milford Haven

"Doesn't really bother us, just like we're not interested in some people there are those that feel the same way about us. We've met some lovely people but zero sexual attraction in person

I think the only time it would sting if one of our regular friends cut contact.

This is my perspective- it's choice, theirs or mine, not rejection."

I agree that’s why you should move on and be respectful

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Time invested, as has been mentioned before, would be the operative word! It’s a red flag to me. I know what’s down those roads"

The Road to Nowhere?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If they don't know me then I'm not going to feel rejected on here any more than a tin of Heinz would feel rejected if I picked a tin of Cross and Blackwell in Sainsbury

A selection, not a rejection.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Didnt even know there was a rejected button..."

You need Platinum membership

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Very interesting replies, thank you all. The word 'investment' of time and energy came up and intrigues me, but perhaps one for another thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know no one has ever turned me down

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

As a single man on here it is something you get used to, as in the real world, not everyone you fancy will feel the same about you, it's just how it is

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As a single man on here it is something you get used to, as in the real world, not everyone you fancy will feel the same about you, it's just how it is"

Yes, which to me is preference, not rejection. So not hard to shrug off and move on. Usually...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't know no one has ever turned me down "

Doesn't that get boring ?

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