FabSwingers.com forum: How do you deal with

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Low self esteem and stupid jealousy. It's one thing to keep quiet but how do you stop the feelings.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Unfortunately you can't but with time you learn to process them better.... Trust me I'm still learning but nowhere near a mess I used to be.

Sending love op always there if you want to talk xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you looked into journaling and re parenting? I’ve found mine has improved by examining events which may have triggered low self esteem etc

I also do get jealous, but I’ve found someone who is very supportive and loving, and knows how to talk me through it, he is very special.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ignore and overide

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I can't help with jealousy I'm afraid, but with self esteem what has helped me is to counter the negative voice in my head with logic and facts.

Every single time I find that inner voice judging me harshly I look at what evidence exists to support that view and what evidence exists to counter it. On the balance of the evidence very few of these things have any basis in reality.

It takes a very long time to work through this stuff, but it is worthwhile doing it. The inner critic is still there (always will be, I suspect) but I don't find myself paralysed by those thoughts any more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I admit I also have these feelings of low self esteem and jealousy , I used to be way worse but I am trying my best to digest it and turn it into motivation.

Also I tend to find that If I’m not jealous then it means I don’t really care that much, if I am jealous, then Id say is a lot to do with the films I make up in my head, while low self esteem is more to do with my dysphoria but yeah it can go down a spiral

Maybe writing how you feel, also keeping yourself occupied will help. Yoga and meditations are great also to centre you

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Low self esteem and stupid jealousy. It's one thing to keep quiet but how do you stop the feelings."

Keeping quiet about it can make it worse because it can magnify a relatively harmless situation in your head and things get out of proportion.

I think talking to somebody about it, maybe a friend.... and if you can perhaps even talk about it with the person who you are worried about losing.

If that person is not understanding and empathetic, they may not deserve your affection as much as you think? Just a thought. Not sure if it helps x

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

"Low self esteem and stupid jealousy. It's one thing to keep quiet but how do you stop the feelings."

Don't take things personally or make assumptions. As long as you give your best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well to start with don’t be quiet about it.

There are both so difficult to deal with and it takes lots of times too.

Best it’s starting some sort of professional approach for the first one. They could be linked together also.

It depends who is it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Low self esteem and stupid jealousy. It's one thing to keep quiet but how do you stop the feelings.

Keeping quiet about it can make it worse because it can magnify a relatively harmless situation in your head and things get out of proportion.

I think talking to somebody about it, maybe a friend.... and if you can perhaps even talk about it with the person who you are worried about losing.

If that person is not understanding and empathetic, they may not deserve your affection as much as you think? Just a thought. Not sure if it helps x"

Also yes talking to someone will massively help!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Unfortunately you can't but with time you learn to process them better.... Trust me I'm still learning but nowhere near a mess I used to be.

Sending love op always there if you want to talk xx"

Thank you xx

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

CBT works well to reprogramme your mind.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I was having a bad body confidence day the other day. I knew I was being silly but I spoke to my friend about it and they let me talk it out. And I was much happier afterwards. Maybe try talking about your issues openly with a trusted friend would help?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Have you looked into journaling and re parenting? I’ve found mine has improved by examining events which may have triggered low self esteem etc

I also do get jealous, but I’ve found someone who is very supportive and loving, and knows how to talk me through it, he is very special."

I'll look in to that. I'm glad you've got someone special

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say, find someone experienced or mature enough to open your heart out. See where are the base of your feelings, how to progressively suppress the triggers and eventually overcome the feelings. It’s not an instant solution. As you know, human feed from emotions and feelings so it’s a case of finding the substitute…

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can't help with jealousy I'm afraid, but with self esteem what has helped me is to counter the negative voice in my head with logic and facts.

Looks like I'll be having several talks with myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also, have you considered counselling? I had some, which really helped me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Low self esteem and stupid jealousy. It's one thing to keep quiet but how do you stop the feelings.

Keeping quiet about it can make it worse because it can magnify a relatively harmless situation in your head and things get out of proportion.

I think talking to somebody about it, maybe a friend.... and if you can perhaps even talk about it with the person who you are worried about losing.

If that person is not understanding and empathetic, they may not deserve your affection as much as you think? Just a thought. Not sure if it helps x"

It does help. Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"CBT works well to reprogramme your mind. "

It didn't help when it was supposed to but yes,maybe with this xx

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

OP, I'm sorry you feel like this. I regularly have these feelings about being inadequate, but I have wonderful friends who listen & make me forget.

With regard to the jealousy, this is way more insidious. Are these feelings about a partner? If so, you need to talk to them. But also realise that, on a swinging site, they will likely meet other people.

It is possible that they may want to be exclusive - have you asked this? Honesty is so important here.

I regularly have such feelings, as I am not a natural swinger. I have to weigh this up with the time I spend with him & how he makes me feel then.

Swinging isn't for everyone, OP. Moments of jealousy are to be expected but, If the feeling isn't going away, then is it time you stepped away from the lifestyle?

I hope you find your peace x

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

I deal with low self-esteem and jealousy through fucking.

Fucking boosts my self-esteem, and if I'm busy fucking I have nothing to get jealous about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to ask yourself what is it your jealous of? Most people only show the world the best parts of their lives and they choose their own life narrative. They don't show the 1000 pictures they took before the post 'the one', you don't see the time they spend in the mirror criticizing their bodies and you never see the times when they just sit and cry because they need to let it out.

Don't think your alone in these thoughts OP, we all have them to an extent. Someday you will stop comparing, competing and beating yourself up.. just look in the mirror and say you know what im actually okay.

Self acceptance is the best thing you can do for your own wellbeing. Be unapologetically you and shove two fingers up to the ones that try to dim your shine. Its a hard road but with a little self kindness each day, you'll get there.

Hope your okay

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Talk to a sympathetic someone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I deal with low self-esteem and jealousy through fucking.

Fucking boosts my self-esteem, and if I'm busy fucking I have nothing to get jealous about.

This is plain stupid ! The op ask for something serious. No wonder men are not considered worth listened on here

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

It’s about understanding yourself and where those feelings are coming from, what they’re rooted in and what’s triggering those feelings in yourself.

Once you know that, you can start to unpick the connections and express yourself in a more constructive and less damaging way. You can make changes in your life to prevent them and free yourself from their hold

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I deal with low self-esteem and jealousy through fucking.

Fucking boosts my self-esteem, and if I'm busy fucking I have nothing to get jealous about.

This is plain stupid ! The op ask for something serious. No wonder men are not considered worth listened on here "

My coping mechanisms work brilliantly for me, thanks.

You seem very tense and needlessly aggressive. Go and have a wank or something.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having someone to talk to OP might help your situation with the self esteem as you are a good person. I believe everyone can get jealous from time to time, its just how you react to it that counts.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

It's such an individualistic thing OP and it's complicated.

First, I think jealousy is completely normal and natural. It's not something to be ashamed of - I don't mean lean into it and weaponize it to hurt others but don't feel like you're a crap person for getting a bit green eyed. Jealousy is often a sign of something else, an underlying thing that's making you uncomfortable. Say for example Bob is cocking you but you've found out he's also cocking Sarah and you're a bit jealous. Is that because you don't think you measure up? You're having a tough time? He's been ignoring you and changed how he is with you?

If you can't talk to someone about it, write it down. Be as honest as you can, even if you feel a bit foolish. Once you understand why, you're better equipped to deal with the emotion and know how to stop it developing.

As far as low self esteem goes, work on doing things that build it up. The oft quoted self care or talking to people who boost you.

I hope you find ways that work for you OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Know that feeling only too well.... relationship breakdown and finding out a few things thst habe hurt beyond reason....hence hidden profile still

Hugs to you OP, it will get better as the days pass xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you everyone. I'll take all(apart from Tankengines) your comments on board and have a serious word with myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surround yourself with positive people who love you and compliment you, that will work massively for low self esteem…… jealousy is a hard one …… but if you ever need a chat my inbox is open xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Surround yourself with positive people who love you and compliment you, that will work massively for low self esteem…… jealousy is a hard one …… but if you ever need a chat my inbox is open xxx"

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you everyone. I'll take all(apart from Tankengines) your comments on board and have a serious word with myself

Don’t have a serious word with yourself, be kind to you, nurture you, love you, and accept that it’s ok to feel the way you do.

Sit with the feelings and just allow them

. We’re all just human, and we feel.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

For self esteem wobbles I avoid social media, invest in self care and do things that make me feel good about myself. For me thatvis usually attending clubs and going to the gym (it helps to remind myself what my body is capable of and that it isn't just there to look good) but those things will be different for different people.

As for jealousy, if its just irrational and my own insecurity, I either try to process it or distract myself until it passes. If it's due to someone's behaviour, I'll either talk to them about it if close enough to do so and I don't think they've done anything wrong or if they feelings are because they're being disrespectful or inconsiderate, I'll stop being involved with that person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thank you everyone. I'll take all(apart from Tankengines) your comments on board and have a serious word with myself

Don’t have a serious word with yourself, be kind to you, nurture you, love you, and accept that it’s ok to feel the way you do.

Sit with the feelings and just allow them

. We’re all just human, and we feel. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"For self esteem wobbles I avoid social media, invest in self care and do things that make me feel good about myself. For me thatvis usually attending clubs and going to the gym (it helps to remind myself what my body is capable of and that it isn't just there to look good) but those things will be different for different people.

That makes sense. Lacey x

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