FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Job interview jargon bullshit

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

If you could answer any job vacancy/ interview question’s truthfully, what would the question’s and answer’s be ?

Here’s how I’d like to answer some of the bullshit questions they ask:

Do you enjoy working in a fast-paced environment?

‘Yes, I love when my job causes anxiety, stress and I struggle to sleep at night, all for minimum wage.’

Where do you see yourself in 5 years ?

‘Clinging on as I do now, hopefully with the small zest for life I have left, so I can still do the things I actually want to do.’

What will you bring to the table ?

‘Mostly a dry, sarcastic humour with a dead pan delivery. I’m also good at coming up with nicknames for my work colleagues and supervisors.’

Are you a team player ?

I’m a sociopath, what do you think?!’

What do you see as your greatest weakness?

‘That I have no money, so I have to keep coming to work everyday.’

Can you multitask ?

‘I regularly carry my workshy workmates, yes.’

Why do you want to work for us ?

‘Because unfortunately I wasn’t born into wealth and for some fucked up reason I need money to buy food and stuff.’

Give one example where you’ve shown initiative ?

‘I absolutely will fucking not, thanks for asking.!’

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"What's your greatest weakness?"

Honesty.

"I don't think honesty is a wea-"

I don't give a fuck what you think.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its quality i got asked at my last job whats my go too ____ process by some 22 yr old fresh out of uni i told him listen here kid i was approached by you not the other way round and hung up the vid call

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you perform under pressure?

No, but I'll give Bohemian Rhapsody a go

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""What's your greatest weakness?"

Honesty.

"I don't think honesty is a wea-"

I don't give a fuck what you think."

Haha

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

‘Competitive salary’

How about showing what it is and I’ll make my mind up whether it’s competitive or not!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can you perform under pressure?

No, but I'll give Bohemian Rhapsody a go"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Can you perform under pressure?

No, but I'll give Bohemian Rhapsody a go"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How could you support your new team?

'well I usually end up sleeping with my co workers and I'm half decent in bed, so...'

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ofdiamondsMan
over a year ago

Between wisbech & Kings lynn


""What's your greatest weakness?"

Honesty.

"I don't think honesty is a wea-"

I don't give a fuck what you think."

Genuinely used that line in an interview before but was my mate interviewing me so he took it with good humour

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How could you support your new team?

'well I usually end up sleeping with my co workers and I'm half decent in bed, so...'"

When can you start ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

brilliant.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral


"How could you support your new team?

'well I usually end up sleeping with my co workers and I'm half decent in bed, so...'"

I'd love to use a gangbang as an example of my excellent teamwork skills.

Just need to organise the gangbang first!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let's go through a roleplay scenario.

Oh, I am sorry, I didn't bring any other outfit or props.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral


"Let's go through a roleplay scenario.

Oh, I am sorry, I didn't bring any other outfit or props."

Be more unsettling to answer "yes daddy"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

What makes you think you can do this role?

You tell me, you told me to apply for it so what did you see

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Let's go through a roleplay scenario.

Oh, I am sorry, I didn't bring any other outfit or props.

Be more unsettling to answer "yes daddy" "

I'd hire her in a flash

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Are you happy to work weekends ?

Oh Absolutely, there’s nothing I like better than spending my weekends stuck at work, while my friends go to festivals, try kite surfing and attend gangbangs.’

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading


"Can you perform under pressure?

No, but I'll give Bohemian Rhapsody a go"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How could you support your new team?

'well I usually end up sleeping with my co workers and I'm half decent in bed, so...'

When can you start ? "

Easiest job interview ever

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How could you support your new team?

'well I usually end up sleeping with my co workers and I'm half decent in bed, so...'

When can you start ?

Easiest job interview ever "

To be honest you had the job when you first walked in.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you describe a time when you had to deal with a challenging situation in a previous role?

Yes, well there was my last most recent job, where my boss was an utter twat, and on my last day of employment, I told them to shove their job up their urethra and said I did not need escorted out by security and that the stapler in my hand was clearly mine.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

How flexible are you prepared to be ?

Well I used to be able to touch my toes well into my 40’s

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"How could you support your new team?

'well I usually end up sleeping with my co workers and I'm half decent in bed, so...'

I'd love to use a gangbang as an example of my excellent teamwork skills.

Just need to organise the gangbang first!"

I like your thinking! Organisational skills, using initiative, flexible, responsive, able to multi-task and work as part of a team - it's all there in my gangbang experience

Mrs TMN x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Family Guy response to the question what do you see your self doing in 5 years. Peter Griffin looks at interviewers picture of him and his family. Pauses, then says doing your son. Off it’s head. By the way, I don’t come up with interview responses from cartoons. They never seem to see the funny side in an interview.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you describe a time when you had to deal with a challenging situation in a previous role?

My last time in El Salvador, I heard a blast and just happened to notice a fire ball, with a black dot moving quickly my way! I hunkered down hard and this furnace flew over my head. Rather quickly, I returned fire with an M203 HE aimed in the direction of fire. Dust off called in, Miller time!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why are you looking to leave your current job ?

Because I'm ground down and broken by working in a souless, pointless, faceless Corporation that does nothing and produces nothing of any meaningful use to anyone !!!

And what attracted you to apply for this position with BigBrother Consultancy and Logistics Inc ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Q: What's your greatest weakness?

A: Job interviews.

Q: What's your greatest strength?

A: Fucking.

Q: Can you give us an example of a time when you performed under pressure?

I took a leading role in a gangbang involving a double-figure number of people, in thirty-plus degree heat, in a small and unventilated room, while wearing a full-face mask that impeded both my vision and my breathing, and I still managed to get hard and fuck for longer, more often, and more forcefully than anyone else involved, while remaining in character throughout – and all in front of an audience comprised of both friends and strangers.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you good with flexible working?

Yes but if you keep asking me to do jobs not in my role, I will quite frankly lose my shit. I will also start and finish at my allocated times as I already give enough time to you arseholes

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Describe a time you learned a lesson from a work incident?

I thought I made a mistake once, turned out I was wrong.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats your greatest weakness?

My lack of patience for stupid questions

That came after being asked what animal I would be - FFS

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

this thread has made me chuckle

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales


"Can you perform under pressure?

No, but I'll give Bohemian Rhapsody a go"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ourNextAddictionMan
over a year ago

Somerset

What made you apply?

Well - if I’m honest, you’re offering me 10/15% more than I’m currently on. I don’t really care who I work for as long as the money hits my bank monthly.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you could answer any job vacancy/ interview question’s truthfully, what would the question’s and answer’s be ?

Here’s how I’d like to answer some of the bullshit questions they ask:

Do you enjoy working in a fast-paced environment?

‘Yes, I love when my job causes anxiety, stress and I struggle to sleep at night, all for minimum wage.’

Where do you see yourself in 5 years ?

‘Clinging on as I do now, hopefully with the small zest for life I have left, so I can still do the things I actually want to do.’

What will you bring to the table ?

‘Mostly a dry, sarcastic humour with a dead pan delivery. I’m also good at coming up with nicknames for my work colleagues and supervisors.’

Are you a team player ?

I’m a sociopath, what do you think?!’

What do you see as your greatest weakness?

‘That I have no money, so I have to keep coming to work everyday.’

Can you multitask ?

‘I regularly carry my workshy workmates, yes.’

Why do you want to work for us ?

‘Because unfortunately I wasn’t born into wealth and for some fucked up reason I need money to buy food and stuff.’

Give one example where you’ve shown initiative ?

‘I absolutely will fucking not, thanks for asking.!’

"

You do entertain me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

“Why do you want to work for us?”

Because I’ve applied for 48 other jobs and haven’t heard back from them….

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *ryan...Man
over a year ago

1950's Original

Actual McDonald's interview reply.

"What makes you want to work for McDonald's?"

"Well , I like working with animals".

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top