FabSwingers.com forum: Help me with 'can we chat'?

By *urydiceRising OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

I'm really asking this because I'm at my wit's end.

A significant amount of messages I get are 'can we chat' messages. Is this code for something I'm unware of? Does this mean on camera? If you have something you want to chat about, just start the conversation. Or is it that you ask to chat expecting me to do the heavy lifting? Asking me to chat is so meta (talking about talking) and it frustrates the fuck out of me so I just don't respond. But it's happening more now so I'm wondering if I'm missing something. I feel like a cat at a dog park.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Say yes if you want....see what happens next

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I think they’re just asking if you’re open to chatting. Be that via messaging, cam or phone. Whatever would be mutually convenient.

Whether as a means to kill time, get to know you better or lead the way to sex chat.

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

And it always sounds dead serious. Can we have a chat? -Why, what have I done?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a way of saying, am I your type to chat with? I'd say. Not so much the eternally frustrating, can I ask you a question?

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I think it's just men trying to get chatting to you and get to know you .I don't actually see why someone asking would be such a big issue. You either want to start or continue chatting with them or you don't. It's easy enough to say no thanks or ignore the messages.

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By *unxxxMan
over a year ago

Leicester

I wish I knew myself keep thinking iam a numpty when you find out let me know

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

It is a way of opening the conversation. We reply with a yes and then set some ground rules such as we are not moving off here and we are not interested in swapping photos all our photos that we want people to see are on here.

If it is a single guy we say yes but then explain we are not looking to meet single guys and after 8 years nothing they say will change our minds. That ends 99% of all single guys correspondence. The other 1% will continue to chat and we have had some very interesting and enlightening chats.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hear you, sista!

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I think it's just an opening line to see if you're interested.

If they ask me I say happy to chat... And converse on here.

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By *ark_KnightsMan
over a year ago

london

Haha

Is it not that the chaps know you are inundated and are hoping he is not filtered away in the copy and paste or dick pics

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

[Removed by poster at 06/07/21 21:33:23]

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

It's better than some of the very explicit messages I've been receiving lately though my status has lessened those.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you want as a first message?

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"It's better than some of the very explicit messages I've been receiving lately though my status has lessened those. "

Oh they actually read the status then?!

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By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"I'm really asking this because I'm at my wit's end.

I've had a couple of those recently.

I replied to say that I am always open to intelligent non sexual conversation.

Neither replied

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By *urydiceRising OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

"I think it's just men trying to get chatting to you and get to know you .I don't actually see why someone asking would be such a big issue. You either want to start or continue chatting with them or you don't. It's easy enough to say no thanks or ignore the messages.

They never have anything in their profiles so I have no idea if I want to chat or not - and they've started with this like there's nothing there. I don't do cams, pictures or text sex - I say that in my profile but they never read the profile. It's incredibly passive. I suppose I'm answering my own question, men that do this would drive me to kill things.

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By *urydiceRising OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

"I'm really asking this because I'm at my wit's end.

I've had a couple of those recently.

I replied to say that I am always open to intelligent non sexual conversation.

Neither replied

Ohhh good answer. Can I steal that?

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By *lmightymattMan
over a year ago

portsmouth

I do send messages like that as a show of interest without pressure I’m terrible at opening convos so as was said earlier simply saying yes would work it is just a way to see if your interested.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's probably a numbers game to them they send that same message to a hundred women/cples and 5 respond then they're having better luck than most on here plus its easier than tailoring each message to each individual profile, basically it's a lazy way of an introduction without much thought or effort in my opinion

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By *arleyQuinnxxxxWoman
over a year ago

Lancaster

[Removed by poster at 07/07/21 04:41:37]

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By *arleyQuinnxxxxWoman
over a year ago

Lancaster

I'm really ok in every form...wtf do I get other lifeforms..!! I am polite, but sometimes The pondlife persists

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's probably a numbers game to them they send that same message to a hundred women/cples and 5 respond then they're having better luck than most on here plus its easier than tailoring each message to each individual profile, basically it's a lazy way of an introduction without much thought or effort in my opinion "

Not necessarily lazy buddy. Often it is just a way of letting that person know they are interested

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm really asking this because I'm at my wit's end.

I've had a couple of those recently.

I replied to say that I am always open to intelligent non sexual conversation.

Neither replied

I might try that too

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I'm really asking this because I'm at my wit's end.

I've read this three times now. I feel the problem lies with you not them.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I'd suggest a response along the lines of

' Hi I keep my first chats short and they are never about sex. '

There are people out there who genuinely haven't chatted to anyone for days. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Don't let it take you to your 'wits end' ...

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By *atch0101Man
over a year ago

Here

Well it is a bit awkward if you want to contact someone.

I mean there is no way anyone should start off what they would like to do with someone etc.

But how do you start?

Just say Hi? Well that doesn't prick any interest.

Then there isbthe light hearted "funny" which in my experience doesn't work until you actually make contact.

So maybe the "Can we chat?" feels safest one.

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By *urydiceRising OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

"I do send messages like that as a show of interest without pressure I’m terrible at opening convos so as was said earlier simply saying yes would work it is just a way to see if your interested. "

I've tried that the last few days, it hasn't worked at all. They're literally still texting me about chatting rather than starting a conversation. So it's passive. They want me to talk to them. One of the reasons my profile is what it is, is to give anyone a million things to chat to me about.

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By *pforfun!!!Man
over a year ago

Belfast

I do tend to ask to chat and I understand the amount of messages you ladies all receive. There’s times I don’t get a response and when it’s a no it’s a no for me, wouldn’t be disrespectful or be rude and abusive. I prefer honesty and be straight forward. Conversations are very important to me

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By *unloversCouple
over a year ago

rotherham

Life is so simple without getting stressed

Some people on here just want to chat to others

Maybe they think it might lead to more or maybe not

You only have to say yes I’ll chat or no I’m not bothered

It’s really really easy

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By *urydiceRising OP Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

"I do tend to ask to chat and I understand the amount of messages you ladies all receive. There’s times I don’t get a response and when it’s a no it’s a no for me, wouldn’t be disrespectful or be rude and abusive. I prefer honesty and be straight forward. Conversations are very important to me"

But why not start with an actual subject. Instead of 'do you want to chat?' If it were me with you, I'd write:

Saw your profile. Yum. The last time I was in Belfast, I saw a fantastic production at the Lyric. Do you go to theatre at all? And do you have a sexy Northern accent? As a Yank I can't get enough of it.

Then if you choose not to respond, it's the same ending. But at least I've offered a bit about me, and I've shown an interest in you - even if I get it wrong.

By the way, I get that this is my issue and not anyone else's. It just feels like a shame though because I don't understand it at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But why not start with an actual subject. Instead of 'do you want to chat?' If it were me with you, I'd write:

Then if you choose not to respond, it's the same ending. But at least I've offered a bit about me, and I've shown an interest in you - even if I get it wrong.

By the way, I get that this is my issue and not anyone else's. It just feels like a shame though because I don't understand it at all. "

Spot on! (You’re making an habit of it)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm really asking this because I'm at my wit's end.

They want to fuck but don't want to lead with "can we fuck"...

Don't think it's any more complicated

That said, you are right in that it is bland

If I were looking to chat with you I'd be far more imaginative....

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

A thread about talking about talking?

That’s meta-ception

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By *eardedman7Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

I always say fancy a chat not in bad, sexy way just a get to know you chat.

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By *lenderfoxMan
over a year ago

Leeds

It's just unimaginative and lazy. It doesn't take a great deal of thought to think of a topic to open a conversation with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol. U been a naughty girl!!

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By *WillowxWoman
over a year ago

Oo err Devon

Same as "can I ask you a question"

I figure it's the senders way of an intro into a convosatio. I'd rather just someone ask me an interesting question, or tell me something about themselves. But I know this is alot more work.. and guys end up writing many more messages to get a response.. but.. I do appreciate a good message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get it with my profile saying not meeting, they say they only want to chat…. I ignore but feel like saying sure if you want to talk about how many times my baby has spit up today and what new things I’ve bought him by all means chat because that’s my only chat mode at the moment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe they are submissive and asking permission from you Miss.

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By *lenderfoxMan
over a year ago

Leeds

"Maybe they are submissive and asking permission from you Miss. "

Just hope they're not bratty is the response is no

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I don't see the point of chatting with someone that I won't meet so I just apply the same criteria that I do to someone I might meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say "yes OK" then start rattling on about inane shit such as "it was rather cloudy today, hope the weather cheers up as I'm taking Aunty Bloddwyn to have her boil lanced later" and it goes on and on about random shit

They either block me or don't reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have chatted. I have answered the call. And it's never once turned into an interesting conversation. If someone's first message is that pedestrian, it's not going to get any better.

And yes, I send first messages to men so I do know how to write them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm really asking this because I'm at my wit's end.

I've had a couple of those recently.

I replied to say that I am always open to intelligent non sexual conversation.

Neither replied

I might try that too

They still drift away..of course, I may be too intelligent..

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