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Reading between the lines

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By *issAphrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

Norwich

I think it's wise to be cautious and I'm definitely way too cynical to just take things at face value. But I do wonder if sometimes my reading between the lines is actually reading too much into something.

For example, there are a few things on profiles that always trigger my suspicions:

"Discreet": When someone says they are looking for discreet, I automatically assume they're cheating, particularly when they can't accommodate. We all deserve privacy, that's a given but there's just something about "discreet" that conjures up images of secretive sneaking around.

"Happy to play safe": That makes it sounds like condoms are only an option, not a necessity so I don't trust them to not be barebacking, given the opportunity.

"Want to push your boundaries": Always sounds like someone who just wants to have their way with you and get you doing things you don't really want to, rather than safely exploring new things.

"Don't like loads of chat": wants a "fuck n go", probably a fuckboi.

Anyone else?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm single and I prefer a degree of discretion, it's not essential to me though.

I say on my profile discretion assured if required, people have many reasons for discretion

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By *h508Man
over a year ago

Guildford

I’m exactly the same, but then I’m a pedant for good English so I may just be reading into it too much! I’d consider things like that yellow/amber flags in a profile - they’re not going to stop me in my tracks but they’re not giving positive impressions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Massive list of dos/donts suggests “high maintenance”. But could be unfair so don’t use it as a blanket. Take each profile as it comes.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I think the discrete thing is a bit like the Sidney disclaimer in that it's something people have got into their heads they need to say.

I think in general,you are paying much closer attention to the profile than the writer did.

But saying that always trust your intuition.

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By *iman2100Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

I have seen discretion requested on couples profiles where I found it was because they have teenage children. It is quite a conversation to have with a 15 year old to explain why mum was gangbanged by 6 men last night.

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By *iman2100Man
over a year ago

Glasgow


"Massive list of dos/donts suggests “high maintenance”. But could be unfair so don’t use it as a blanket. Take each profile as it comes. "

I agree, if they have a plethora of restrictions how are you going to relax and enjoy sex with them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the discrete thing is a bit like the Sidney disclaimer in that it's something people have got into their heads they need to say."

I think you’re right. Showing age - but in the days long before fab did the old fashioned ‘contacts ads’ not used to say something like “discretion assured and expected” ? Maybe this is just a continuation if that and people copy other profiles to help shape their - human nature. I know we did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m exactly the same! I assume that everyone is an axe murderer or a weirdo!

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Trust absolutely no-one or what you read/see on here. More snakes than a reptile house.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Great post - I agree with you, OP, and I tend to overthink things at times, to my own detriment.

That said, I think it is a bit like with any "prejudice" (using the term in a tentative way) - being aware that these thoughts are in our heads is one thing and they can help to retain a sense of realism.

Leaving them unchecked and basing my responses totally on that prejudice would not be helpful - so awareness, check and adjustment I think is the way forward.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m exactly the same! I assume that everyone is an axe murderer or a weirdo! "

Hahaha!! Me, I went on dates where I did say to some of my besties…: if U don’t hear from me and i don’t come back I’ve probably been chopped up and minced

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

There are words on profiles? Who knew?

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Agree with all of that.

And I think exactly the same!

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By *issAphrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

Norwich


"Great post - I agree with you, OP, and I tend to overthink things at times, to my own detriment.

That said, I think it is a bit like with any "prejudice" (using the term in a tentative way) - being aware that these thoughts are in our heads is one thing and they can help to retain a sense of realism.

Leaving them unchecked and basing my responses totally on that prejudice would not be helpful - so awareness, check and adjustment I think is the way forward. "

Yes. I won't rule someone out because they have stated the need for discretion, but rather it's noted and ticking away in the background, waiting for other other things to prove you right.

I guess it's a combination of intuition and experience on here that makes you know that people do have a tendency to be untruthful.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Great post - I agree with you, OP, and I tend to overthink things at times, to my own detriment.

That said, I think it is a bit like with any "prejudice" (using the term in a tentative way) - being aware that these thoughts are in our heads is one thing and they can help to retain a sense of realism.

Leaving them unchecked and basing my responses totally on that prejudice would not be helpful - so awareness, check and adjustment I think is the way forward.

Yes. I won't rule someone out because they have stated the need for discretion, but rather it's noted and ticking away in the background, waiting for other other things to prove you right.

I guess it's a combination of intuition and experience on here that makes you know that people do have a tendency to be untruthful."
Spot on - you said it better than me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the discrete thing is a bit like the Sidney disclaimer in that it's something people have got into their heads they need to say.

I think you’re right. Showing age - but in the days long before fab did the old fashioned ‘contacts ads’ not used to say something like “discretion assured and expected” ? Maybe this is just a continuation if that and people copy other profiles to help shape their - human nature. I know we did. "

That's quite an assumption you have there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The English language is very strange. When I read somebody wants to push the boundaries usually what comes to mind is Taboo things like pegging , Urethra play, bdsm ,chokeing or they put it up to get the reader excited being edgy.

I met somebody years ago who said they like to push the boundary and when she turned around and said I want you to force sex me which I felt really uncomfortable with and didn't.

I can understand rough sex again I'm not that rough I'm more of a the for senses enhancing.

Most of the bio's on here is like a shopping list and is very unrealistic to to get everything on that list checked. (Not impossible but very high expectations)

Which you all know there is definitely compromises.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I don't tend to read profiles in great detail to be honest, much preferring to communicate with people and get to know them and their likes/dislikes that way, as well as building a level of trust and connection.

Sure a profile gives you a "flavour" of a person, but it's the flavour they want to present, whereas through communication you often get a better idea of the real flavour (which may or may not match the profile one).

I think a lot is made of the "between the lines" meanings of profiles too and not always with any accuracy, which is another reason that communication rather than asusmption is key.

That all said, I'm not a "hunter" in terms of trawling profiles and contacting those I like the look/sound of, most of my interaction is off the back of the forums where I've already built a fair idea of the person before we talk, and so the profile isn't overly necessary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to get a flavour of personality and take anything in profiles with a large pinch of salt.. I avoid reading between the lines because you could write your own script and be completely off piste

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

A profile text can put me off if the profile is demanding or misogynistic in any way then that's my main red flags .

But usually it's through chatting any red flags appear I find. I also find the forum's a handy way to see people's personalities as well .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have seen discretion requested on couples profiles where I found it was because they have teenage children. It is quite a conversation to have with a 15 year old to explain why mum was gangbanged by 6 men last night. "

Yep this for us, my kids don't even like the thought of us kissing

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Reading between the lines is not always a bad thing as how we interpret them can be based on prior experience or knowledge. You are responsible for you having safe fun, its not the responsibility of the person you are playing with.

If you have any questions or doubts then it is your responsibility to either confirm what has been said or accept the potential risks when making your decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the discrete thing is a bit like the Sidney disclaimer in that it's something people have got into their heads they need to say.

I think you’re right. Showing age - but in the days long before fab did the old fashioned ‘contacts ads’ not used to say something like “discretion assured and expected” ? Maybe this is just a continuation if that and people copy other profiles to help shape their - human nature. I know we did.

That's quite an assumption you have there.

"

Not an assumption. It was a theory. Do you have an alternative? That could well be more correct.

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By *issAphrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

Norwich


"Reading between the lines is not always a bad thing as how we interpret them can be based on prior experience or knowledge. You are responsible for you having safe fun, its not the responsibility of the person you are playing with.

If you have any questions or doubts then it is your responsibility to either confirm what has been said or accept the potential risks when making your decision."

Absolutely. Except people aren't always honest. We can have an inkling something isn't right, ask the relevant questions and still not get a truthful response. Hence increasingly relying on that combination of experience and intuition.

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By *issAphrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

Norwich


"I have seen discretion requested on couples profiles where I found it was because they have teenage children. It is quite a conversation to have with a 15 year old to explain why mum was gangbanged by 6 men last night.

Yep this for us, my kids don't even like the thought of us kissing "

But that's just a given. Whether you have kids, a high profile job or anything/nothing, we are all entitled to privacy and that's written into law. "Discretion" just has an air of something in particular to hide which goes beyond the realms of more generic privacy and decency.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Reading between the lines is not always a bad thing as how we interpret them can be based on prior experience or knowledge. You are responsible for you having safe fun, its not the responsibility of the person you are playing with.

If you have any questions or doubts then it is your responsibility to either confirm what has been said or accept the potential risks when making your decision.

Absolutely. Except people aren't always honest. We can have an inkling something isn't right, ask the relevant questions and still not get a truthful response. Hence increasingly relying on that combination of experience and intuition."

I think that’s a very wise approach. Always better to err on the side of caution.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the discrete thing is a bit like the Sidney disclaimer in that it's something people have got into their heads they need to say.

I think you’re right. Showing age - but in the days long before fab did the old fashioned ‘contacts ads’ not used to say something like “discretion assured and expected” ? Maybe this is just a continuation if that and people copy other profiles to help shape their - human nature. I know we did.

That's quite an assumption you have there.

Not an assumption. It was a theory. Do you have an alternative? That could well be more correct."

I just think there are many reasons why people like discretion, it doesn't mean sneaking about though.

Jobs, kids, neighbours, blabber mouths or they are just private people and so on

Your theory could be right on the copy and paste and profile filling fOr some but not them all

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