FabSwingers.com forum: Text book horror film no no’s

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You are trapped in a horror film, what are the things you must never do in order to survive?

Never wander off for the group, then be really loud calling out to everyone when a beast is stalking you….

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You are trapped in a horror film, what are the things you must never do in order to survive?

Never wander off for the group, then be really loud calling out to everyone when a beast is stalking you…."

Off from*

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

[Removed by poster at 05/07/21 22:10:16]

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Say ‘I’ll be right back’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont fall asleep on the couch

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Say ‘I’ll be right back’

I’ll be back

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

Never hide in the barn…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When the basement light goes out, just say "you know what, it can wait until the morning"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never run through a wood

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lock the doors and go upstairs!! The killers in the house, just get out!!

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By *adyH and GrissomCouple
over a year ago

Llantarnum

Or decide to go for a midnight swim in the lake where those teens disappeared twenty years ago today

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere

Go out in the rain to fix the generator then hitch a lift to town to get the replacement part.

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By *urious_Female89Woman
over a year ago

great yarmouth

Make sure your car is always in good working order and remember your keys! They always seem to be out of gas, lights busted, wont start for some reason etc..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t go upstairs when being chased.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Plus why don’t anyone turn a light on?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't trip over nothing while running

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Don’t have sex…..sexual liaisons equates to a certain grisly end in all eighties slasher films

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Don’t have sex…..sexual liaisons equates to a certain grisly end in all eighties slasher films

It’s kind of a catch 22 because I’m other eighties slashers it was also bad to be the virgin.

A horror victim just can’t win on films

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Hide under the carpet

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By *risky businessMan
over a year ago

A Pharaoh Way

Never assume that the bad guy is dead

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"Don’t have sex…..sexual liaisons equates to a certain grisly end in all eighties slasher films

It’s kind of a catch 22 because I’m other eighties slashers it was also bad to be the virgin.

A horror victim just can’t win on films

Damned both ways. Also, never ever take any illicit substances; Any who do are as good as dead (the killers in eighties horror flicks were all moral arbiters apparently)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't go and look outside

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Never go and investigate whatever is the source of the noise….

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s not your good deed for the day to stop and pick up the weird looking hitch hiking hillbilly

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

If you open a door the first time, a random cat will invariably jump out at you. That’s fine.

Just don’t ever open the same door again though as the first instance was the staple false jump scare; The second time will always be the real deal and reveal the killer….probably brandishing the token machete/chainsaw/meat cleaver etc

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By *illy_the_tvTV/TS
over a year ago

hoorn, Netherlands

If you get the jump on the attacker, dont just hit it once so it falls to the floor and run away. Keep hitting

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Suck Dracula's cock

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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago

Reading

Do not answer the phone. Your next to be killed normally if female

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

If one of your group suddenly goes hysterical and starts screaming that you’re all going to die, quickly distance yourselves from them and on no account try to reassure or console them as anyone trying to do so is more often than not the next victim

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

If they dress up as like their Mother

whoops

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"If they dress up as like their Mother

whoops

Perkins

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By *risky businessMan
over a year ago

A Pharaoh Way

"Do not answer the phone. Your next to be killed normally if female

Unless you name Sidney

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Don’t run down the middle of the road, you aren’t going to out run a car

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Don't answer the phone

Don't answer the door

Don't look out of the window

Don't go in the basement

Don't split up

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

"If they dress up as like their Mother

whoops

Perkins "

All I’m saying is …I used to borrow her clothes

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Don’t go near children or pets, they aren’t cute !

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"If they dress up as like their Mother

whoops

Perkins

All I’m saying is …I used to borrow her clothes

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Neve assume that hiding behind a door will protect you; Horror movie antagonists are all experts at stabbing through wood with pinpoint accuracy.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Eat garlic

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

"If they dress up as like their Mother

whoops

Perkins

All I’m saying is …I used to borrow her clothes

Thinking about opening a B&B (

)

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"If they dress up as like their Mother

whoops

Perkins

All I’m saying is …I used to borrow her clothes

Thinking about opening a B&B (

) "

We can call it bates x

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Not sure of the identity of the killer?

Don’t worry - it will be the biggest name star present who has been the seemingly nicest character throughout the pic so far

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By *entlemenpipMan
over a year ago

not far

This is going to hard for alot of us but DONT BE A SLUT the shutters guys and girls are always dead by halfway into any horror movie

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By *olonel_kurtzMan
over a year ago

JOHNSTONE

Don't enter an abandoned building

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By *olonel_kurtzMan
over a year ago

JOHNSTONE

Don't repeat silly sayings in front of a mirror

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

Don’t but a house on a dead end street, near a corn field or the last house on the left.

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By *atebanksMan
over a year ago

North London

Don't open the door...

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

It is absolutely customary for someone in your group to twist their ankle whilst fleeing the killer.

Top tip: For Christ’s sake! - Leave them to their self induced clumsy fate! Anyone going back to help will guaranteed be the next victim.

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By *exyfuncouple-40Couple
over a year ago

Bloxham

Make sure the chain saw out of fuel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a booty call … the ones who have booty calls get killed off first

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Never play with the ouija board or watch the dodgy videotape.

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By *irthlingMan
over a year ago

stroud

If our walking in a group, don’t be the one at the back

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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago

Reading

If with friends and walking in woods . One gets bitten. Leave them and get away as far as possible.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

It’s all been gloomy news thus far but take heed, for whilst seemingly impervious to bullets/blades/clubs etc - horror film antagonists are nonetheless, notoriously clumsy characters who can be typically tripped over very easily with the simplest of items (marbles, trip wires, a pair of shoes left in their path) giving you time to run

Remember the great Christopher Lee as Dracula as a classic example of this curious phenomenon; He was a bloody walking liability! - tripped over in a grave, got entangled in a Hawthorn bush, fell through the ice on a frozen river, struck by lightning, fell onto a cross etc etc. The list of his mishaps was endless!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

don't hide under the bed or wardrobe

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Never wear matching underwear. When women are killed in these movies they are always wearing lovely underwear sets, no greying M&S baggy knickers or bras with the underwire poking out.

Wear crappy non-matching underwear and you're safe as houses.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never wear matching underwear. When women are killed in these movies they are always wearing lovely underwear sets, no greying M&S baggy knickers or bras with the underwire poking out.

Wear crappy non-matching underwear and you're safe as houses."

Remember how to dial 999

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"Never wear matching underwear. When women are killed in these movies they are always wearing lovely underwear sets, no greying M&S baggy knickers or bras with the underwire poking out.

Wear crappy non-matching underwear and you're safe as houses.

Remember how to dial 999"

…..but also remember that the killer will have invariably cut the phone line

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By *ocothumpaMan
over a year ago

Herts

Be the only

black

guy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don’t go upstairs when being chased. "

Exactly!

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By *ogueAngelMan
over a year ago

Near Bath / Bristol

Never go down the route with the tense background music. Find the route that's playing a more happy go lucky jingle.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"Never go down the route with the tense background music. Find the route that's playing a more happy go lucky jingle."

Absolutely

Also, if an eighties synth soundtrack swells up it’s an amazing omen so be sure to take full advantage of it; Eighties synth swell ups are instantly empowering and always mean that the hero (no matter how previously battered) is about to make a dramatic and unlikely comeback and kick arse

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

Dont read out loud from the book bound in human skin with a face on it and certainly stay away from that tree I can not describe in the forum.

But if it all goes pear shaped, do go a bit mad, chop your own hand off, attach a chainsaw to the stump, get a sawn off shotgun and become a total comedy one liner badass.

Groovy!

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By *ogueAngelMan
over a year ago

Near Bath / Bristol

Don't buy an old school medicine cabinet for above the sink and have the camera angle behind you.

Don't camp in the forest of death and blood.

Castle Dracula looks like hell on toast; you don't need to go there.

The butler did it. If you're not besties with the butler, gtfo.

Make note of the axe collection on the wall and how many axes there are... then question why you're staying somewhere that hosts an axe collection.

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By *unandgamegeekMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Don't mess with supernatural objects like ouija boards or books of the Dead unless you want to get killed or possessed.

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

Stay on the road....keep clear of the Moors....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t be the slut, male or female.

Be beautiful, by all means but be completely oblivious to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Walk backwards

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dont read out loud from the book bound in human skin with a face on it and certainly stay away from that tree I can not describe in the forum.

But if it all goes pear shaped, do go a bit mad, chop your own hand off, attach a chainsaw to the stump, get a sawn off shotgun and become a total comedy one liner badass.

Groovy!"

If your own hand comes after you, get the hell out of there.

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