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Where is your 'red line'?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Just pondering on a Monday evening. Having seen some threads around cheating and married people, I realised that I haven't really given much thought to where my 'red line' is.

Where is yours? At what point does it become cheating? Thinking about it, messaging someone, a social? Or is penis in 'tulip/horseshoe/puffy etc etc' where cheating starts for you?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Cheating starts for me when a partner is doing something they know would hurt their partner and hides it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take whatever most people say with a healthy pinch of salt, OP.

My lived experience of meeting people on this site in the past tells me what they say in public and what we did in private are very different things!

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

That first point of contact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fucking friends, family friends or friends of friends is my major no go

Fucking colleagues or people known to you through work is another

If you are known to me in any way, chances are I won't be interested

In terms of 'cheaters' I'm not really that arsed cos I'd never meet more than once anyway

Well, OK, twice if you were REALLY good

I certainly wouldn't request a phone call with their other half first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Somewhere around 7,000 rpm

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By *igmaMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire


"Take whatever most people say with a healthy pinch of salt, OP.

My lived experience of meeting people on this site in the past tells me what they say in public and what we did in private are very different things!

"

On that bombshell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doing anything without your partners knowledge is cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find emotional infidelity way more upsetting than physical infidelity

I'd be more pissed if I knew my OH had been meeting someone in and out of the bedroom as opposed to just in the bedroom

I can divorce sex from reality

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

The moment they lie to their partner.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

What is cheating though. Some say it’s doing something your partner doesn’t know about.

I’d go for lunch or out for a drink with friends (male), he wouldn’t know about that, but is it cheating as nothing other than friendship there.

We weren’t in each other’s pockets and had our own interests.

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By *anshee99Woman
over a year ago

all over

When it's a secret

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I say the man because I’m single have got to sneak around & lie to their partner where they are

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"What is cheating though. Some say it’s doing something your partner doesn’t know about.

I’d go for lunch or out for a drink with friends (male), he wouldn’t know about that, but is it cheating as nothing other than friendship there.

We weren’t in each other’s pockets and had our own interests. "

If he asked you what you'd done that day would you tell him?

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By *ora69Woman
over a year ago

Lampeter

If you have to lie or manipulate the truth

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

[Removed by poster at 05/07/21 22:24:05]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure i care enough people do stuff and that is it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What is cheating though. Some say it’s doing something your partner doesn’t know about.

I’d go for lunch or out for a drink with friends (male), he wouldn’t know about that, but is it cheating as nothing other than friendship there.

We weren’t in each other’s pockets and had our own interests.

If he asked you what you'd done that day would you tell him?"

I don't think it's always healthy to do that, even if nothing has happened

Especially if your OH has a tendency to overthink / worry

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"What is cheating though. Some say it’s doing something your partner doesn’t know about.

I’d go for lunch or out for a drink with friends (male), he wouldn’t know about that, but is it cheating as nothing other than friendship there.

We weren’t in each other’s pockets and had our own interests.

If he asked you what you'd done that day would you tell him?"

Of course, it would be lunch or out with friends, if he asked who I’d tell him the truth.

Strangely the only two guys he had issues with were my best friend who is known since school days and lives in Germany and my ‘brother’ known for 20 years and gay … he was an odd soul

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"What is cheating though. Some say it’s doing something your partner doesn’t know about.

I’d go for lunch or out for a drink with friends (male), he wouldn’t know about that, but is it cheating as nothing other than friendship there.

We weren’t in each other’s pockets and had our own interests.

If he asked you what you'd done that day would you tell him?

Of course, it would be lunch or out with friends, if he asked who I’d tell him the truth.

Strangely the only two guys he had issues with were my best friend who is known since school days and lives in Germany and my ‘brother’ known for 20 years and gay … he was an odd soul

"

That's the difference then. You don't have to tell your partner everything but there's a big difference between not telling and deliberately concealing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To lie, cover up, or keep something from your partner that would hurt them, regardless of whether intimate contact takes place with the third party or not. It’s the lie that’s the cheating part, not the infidelity.

The infidelity can be forgiven, but the lie cannot.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"What is cheating though. Some say it’s doing something your partner doesn’t know about.

I’d go for lunch or out for a drink with friends (male), he wouldn’t know about that, but is it cheating as nothing other than friendship there.

We weren’t in each other’s pockets and had our own interests.

If he asked you what you'd done that day would you tell him?

Of course, it would be lunch or out with friends, if he asked who I’d tell him the truth.

Strangely the only two guys he had issues with were my best friend who is known since school days and lives in Germany and my ‘brother’ known for 20 years and gay … he was an odd soul

That's the difference then. You don't have to tell your partner everything but there's a big difference between not telling and deliberately concealing.

"

Totally. I’d never lie and always be honest about who I’ve met, unfortunately that wasn’t reversed and for some reason he thought some story was better, not good ones either as easily caught out in his mistake… num nut

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

All interesting responses. As I say, I've never really thought about it but I am probably falling on the emotional side of it being where it starts to get dodgy got me.

Bumping uglies is way past that point

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"What is cheating though. Some say it’s doing something your partner doesn’t know about.

I’d go for lunch or out for a drink with friends (male), he wouldn’t know about that, but is it cheating as nothing other than friendship there.

We weren’t in each other’s pockets and had our own interests.

If he asked you what you'd done that day would you tell him?

Of course, it would be lunch or out with friends, if he asked who I’d tell him the truth.

Strangely the only two guys he had issues with were my best friend who is known since school days and lives in Germany and my ‘brother’ known for 20 years and gay … he was an odd soul

That's the difference then. You don't have to tell your partner everything but there's a big difference between not telling and deliberately concealing.

Totally. I’d never lie and always be honest about who I’ve met, unfortunately that wasn’t reversed and for some reason he thought some story was better, not good ones either as easily caught out in his mistake… num nut "

why do they do it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you cross a line when you do something and hide it from your partner because you know they wouldn't be OK with it if they knew.

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

I think it’s as soon as you’re doing anything you wouldn’t do it front of your other half. Even texting is a betrayal if it’s secret. Often it’s the little things that are the most hurtful

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"

Totally. I’d never lie and always be honest about who I’ve met, unfortunately that wasn’t reversed and for some reason he thought some story was better, not good ones either as easily caught out in his mistake… num nut

why do they do it? "

Will remain one of life’s mysteries why

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think it’s as soon as you’re doing anything you wouldn’t do it front of your other half. Even texting is a betrayal if it’s secret. Often it’s the little things that are the most hurtful"

Just thinking it? Does that count too?

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

If you won’t be seen in public with me, you don’t see me in private either.

Not an experiment with your sexuality.

If you’re a couple, that’s who I meet.

I’m not a fuck and go, takes two hours to look this trashy (Thanks Dolly)

I’m not changing my preferences.

Put your wallet away, got my own money.

The kinky stuff waits until I know you better.

These are some of mine

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By *oooner1Couple
over a year ago

milton keynes


"I find emotional infidelity way more upsetting than physical infidelity

I'd be more pissed if I knew my OH had been meeting someone in and out of the bedroom as opposed to just in the bedroom

I can divorce sex from reality "

Exactly this. I have no problem who or how often my OH fucks, but I would be pissed if she started doing it behind my back and was emotionally involved with someone.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Cheating starts for me when a partner is doing something they know would hurt their partner and hides it."

This

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There


"I think it’s as soon as you’re doing anything you wouldn’t do it front of your other half. Even texting is a betrayal if it’s secret. Often it’s the little things that are the most hurtful

Just thinking it? Does that count too?"

I think most people will think about someone else during the course of a relationship, that’s normal. But if you’re constantly thinking about another then it’s a problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What is cheating though. Some say it’s doing something your partner doesn’t know about.

I’d go for lunch or out for a drink with friends (male), he wouldn’t know about that, but is it cheating as nothing other than friendship there.

We weren’t in each other’s pockets and had our own interests.

If he asked you what you'd done that day would you tell him?

Of course, it would be lunch or out with friends, if he asked who I’d tell him the truth.

Strangely the only two guys he had issues with were my best friend who is known since school days and lives in Germany and my ‘brother’ known for 20 years and gay … he was an odd soul

"

I can kinda get my head round this

My OH is 'threatened' (that's too strong a word, but it'll do for now) by those that have known me for decades as opposed to say a new meet

He sees them as being on another level than him, that the history and the familiarity & bond kind of excludes him

It's a kind of jealousy

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