FabSwingers.com forum: Do you think the guy should always pay?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I’ve always been told growing up to be a gentleman and then I learnt to not be such a one in the bedroom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope. I am more than capable of taking equal responsibility for paying. I’m happy to be treated by a friend as I know it will even out but if I was meeting someone from fab and there was a bill to pay, I’d not feel comfortable not taking my share. And I’d be very clear about that.

V x

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

No.This is the 21st Century…..Let the lady pay

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

No!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Nope. I am more than capable of taking equal responsibility for paying. I’m happy to be treated by a friend as I know it will even out but if I was meeting someone from fab and there was a bill to pay, I’d not feel comfortable not taking my share. And I’d be very clear about that.

V x "

I respect that

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Definitely not !

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

No too

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I always pay my share. If I have agreed a social I wouldnt want someone thinking I owed him something because he had bought me a couple of drinks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bella I hope you're reading this!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

See I don’t think of it like that but I don’t really meet anyone just once so I always see it as I’ll get the first you can get the second

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

On a fab meet there can be expectations of further activity (covert contracts) if one or the other pays.

Better to avoid any conflict and just split or pay your own way, unless you are in some form of relationship/FWB and its been agreed up front.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I had a couple of dates with a guy that was all about I'll pay this time, you pay next time. I thought flipping heck are we counting now. He was a total skin glint.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think initially, whoever does the 'inviting' should pay. Because you've invited the other person for a drink, or whatever. But after that, it becomes a mutual date and therefore costs should be split.

I don't see gender having anything to do with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always pay my share. If I have agreed a social I wouldnt want someone thinking I owed him something because he had bought me a couple of drinks. "
.

Well said...it blows away any " sense of entitlement " fears that a person might worry about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No.This is the 21st Century…..Let the lady pay

Tight git

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By *ruebameMan
over a year ago

from the womb and trying to get back

I am still old-fashioned in that way I would never expect a lady to pay just the way I have been dragged up I would hope that wouldn't offend a lady as that would never be my intention

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've got no problem paying, that's how I was brought up. Having said that we live in a different world now and some women do take offence. I always offer and you can usually gage by their reaction Wether they're going to take offence or not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always pay my share. If I have agreed a social I wouldnt want someone thinking I owed him something because he had bought me a couple of drinks. "
well said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No! I'm actually embarrassed at myself as the last social I had I let him buy the coffee. I didn't even offer to pay. In my defence though he was so gorgeous it got me all flustered!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think initially, whoever does the 'inviting' should pay. Because you've invited the other person for a drink, or whatever. But after that, it becomes a mutual date and therefore costs should be split.

I don't see gender having anything to do with it."

I like that idea… I’m having it haha

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

So ......... two lesbians go on a date and one says to the other .........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No and I’ve actually had to put down my feet on meets to get them to let me buy a round!

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I always offer to pay my way but i dont fight if they insist

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No! I'm actually embarrassed at myself as the last social I had I let him buy the coffee. I didn't even offer to pay. In my defence though he was so gorgeous it got me all flustered!!

Hahaha I think that’s fair

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I don’t think it’s fair I think women should go halters unless your like married or in a real relationship xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No and I’ve actually had to put down my feet on meets to get them to let me buy a round!"

Really? I’d always off but if you insisted

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By *aFemmeCoquetteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in the middle not the.....

I always offer to pay towards, makes me twitch someone paying for my share, but that's just me independent to a fault

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By *ruebameMan
over a year ago

from the womb and trying to get back

"So ......... two lesbians go on a date and one says to the other ......... "

We can 69 that way where going half's

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I always offer to pay towards, makes me twitch someone paying for my share, but that's just me independent to a fault

I think that’s a good thing I not a fan of being in someone’s debt

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

south west

I'm always happy to pay for a drink or a coffee, it's easier practically if one person orders and pays...

They can buy the second one

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

London sometimes

Going Dutch is best.

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By *ourNextAddictionMan
over a year ago

Somerset

I’ll always pay the first time as well - something my father instilled into me.

But if I’m always paying, then I question their motives…

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

No thanks. I'm probably more comfortable paying the full thing myself or they pay for drinks, I pay for the meal/condoms/hooker.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Garden of Eden

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

50/50, go dutch, halvsies. What ever but you pay your bit and i’ll pay mine. Keeps everything fair and simple then.

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By *rMrsBrightsideCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle

I’d be more than happy to pay my own way and will always try to but it can get a bit awkward if they insist on paying so as long as I am sure they don’t expect anything in return I would let them pay. I wouldn’t sit there all night taking free drinks though

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By *akkk500Man
over a year ago

staffordshire

I find the woman much more likeable and respect a lot more when she offers to pay, rather than expecting it (bearing in mind, I won’t let her pay)

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

I think it's nice to share the bill.

I would expect all of the arranging to be done by him though for a first date.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For a fab social I'd offer, but if the lady wished a 50/50 I'd respect her request. If it was a date scenario, its my treat. (Bj forthcoming)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Uncanny that I’ve recently had this conversation. It’s a no.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire

Not every single time. It's always nice when they do though! Generally I'll take it in turns, if it's just coffee/drinks.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Do you think the guy should always pay?"

Depends what we're taking about. If it's stuff he picks up in a shop then yea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope I pay my way, always have done. But I always appreciate the offer!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the bloke went to pay then I would offer to go halves but if he said no don’t worry then I’m not going to worry but I always offer, everytime.

I’m not going to feel bad if a social meet buys me a costa tea or a glass of wine.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Ely

OP - I was also brought up will the philosophy that the man pays, but these days you can be seen as being non-PC to treat a lady this way.

I'll always offer, but she insists then I'll respect that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But no I don’t think they should always have to pay.

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

If a man doesn't pay on a first date he wasn't brought up right. If the woman doesn't offer she wasn't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I enjoy paying for lunch, it's nice to treat someone from time to time

It makes me happy

The trouble with being here as a bloke though is if you do pay for lunch, there's an assumption that you'll want something in return

I can't speak for other men, but in my case, there are no 'conditions', it's simply nice to chat and enjoy food in good company

I never push it on anyone though, I'd hate for anyone to feel awkward with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve always been told growing up to be a gentleman and then I learnt to not be such a one in the bedroom. "

With a guy I am dating, I much prefer do.. my treat this time. Yours next. Then the whole spilling in half. But that’s just me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If the bloke went to pay then I would offer to go halves but if he said no don’t worry then I’m not going to worry but I always offer, everytime.

I’m not going to feel bad if a social meet buys me a costa tea or a glass of wine.

This, totally right!

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By *ngrylookingpenis123Woman
over a year ago

I would much rather split the bill, makes me feel quite uncomfortable someone else paying for what I've enjoyed, especially if I don't know them well.

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

south west

"If the bloke went to pay then I would offer to go halves but if he said no don’t worry then I’m not going to worry but I always offer, everytime.

I’m not going to feel bad if a social meet buys me a costa tea or a glass of wine.

This, totally right!

Yes

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By *urvy ClarissaWoman
over a year ago

wigan

I would always to pay half but I do take a man accepting as a ‘we probably won’t be meeting again’ sign.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always offer to pay my share, if they pay the first time then I would insist on paying the second time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I invite someone to lunch, I isn’t the onus on me to take care of the bill? It’s the way I have always operated, whether on a personal or business aspect.

If someone I had invited insisted on sharing the bill, I’ll opt for a coffee/tea and cake instead.

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By *lasphemousGirlWoman
over a year ago

Cambs

I don't mind treating someone or being treated, I also have no problem splitting the bill, whatever everyone is comfortable with, I'm pretty easy going really.

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By *ermbiMan
over a year ago

Ballyshannon

Theres do much about being treated equally; equal pay, jobs etc etc. Time to put it into practice and expect women to pay too. Us men should sit back for a change and expect to let the lady pay. Let's get out of the mindset and turn the tables

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'm more comfortable splitting or paying my own way. If he insists I'll deliberately get something very inexpensive.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"I'm more comfortable splitting or paying my own way. If he insists I'll deliberately get something very inexpensive."

‘Beluga Caviar for you madam?’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

V x "

Exactly this

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

Anything Fab related I insist we split.

In terms of dating I would only let a man pay for dinner/drinks if I intended to see him again, then I would pay the next time. If I didn’t want to see him again I wouldn’t let him pay.

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By *zlakMan
over a year ago

Norwich

I always pay

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By *zlakMan
over a year ago

Norwich

"If a man doesn't pay on a first date he wasn't brought up right. If the woman doesn't offer she wasn't

100% agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bella I hope you're reading this!

I am indeed and was looking for your comment!

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By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I would never expect a date to pay for me.

I would feel like I was being bought and think it increases the expectation of more.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

No I would never expect a guy I met to pay for everything .I usually pay my share when I meet anyone .I think it's very cheeky for someone to be expected to pay for everything and totally unfair.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely not. I always offer to pay, or pay towards.

I prefer to pay for hotels as I feel more comfortable doing that. If he offers to contribute then I say he can buy dinner/snacks/drink lol.

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By *ich_ChesterMan
over a year ago

Chester

I always offer to pay, gentleman in me. However if the lady wishes to contribute then that's fine. Each to there own i suppose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I would never expect somone to pay for me, would always try to split, it makes me uncomfortable if they refuse to let me split especially if I've decided that there not for me and I don't want to meet with them again. If its someone I see regularly and it's like a ill get this and you get it next time then that's okay, think things should be equal

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By *ixedDevilMan
over a year ago

Bootyville

If its me asking her out i'll pay. If its her asking me out, then she pays.

If we're in a relationship with eachother, then we split it 50/50 except for on special occasions

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No definitely not. The people I’ve met from here (which a few I’ve made various times) we always take turns in paying for the hotel. I’m quite happy to go halves on anything. I would never expect a man to shoulder the cost

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By *risky businessMan
over a year ago

Italian stallion

Equal opportunity

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

No, as in some cases they think they’re owed in kind later. Prefer to pay my way

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By *r SensualMan
over a year ago

London

The first couple of times I’m happy to pay even if the lady insists but after that I’d hope we being going halves. In the swinging world when I’ve coupled up to attend a party or club we usually always split the costs in terms of tickets/entry, hotel costs etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't see gender having anything to do with it."

Yeah this is kinnda the same as me.

I had a social with one half of a couple a while back at a coffeshop. I was quite happy to pay for myself and even for her. But she wouldnt let me as she had invited me out. Which i thought was fair enough and nice of her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I pay my way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course not but I'll not fight him about it if he offers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Of course not but I'll not fight him about it if he offers.

‘Put your money away!’

‘Nooooo, you put your money away, you paid last time!’

‘I did, but that’s only because you brought doughnuts!’

‘What are you like!’

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

One thing I really hate is the man arguing with me when I go to buy a drink (I don't go for food).

It gets really embarrassing.

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By *lorious hole bs16Man
over a year ago

Bristol

Don't see gender (male / female) having anything to do with it..

If I invite someone for a coffee/ drink/meal I will pay and if someone invites me for the same I would expect them to pay...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s patronising, actually rude to think a woman would let a man pay it all. You go on a date equal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From my upbringing, it depends entirely on the circumstance. If asking a woman friend or colleague to lunch then payment should be equal. If I ask a lady "can I take you to dinner", then I would expect to pay. With men from some backgrounds, it's almost a matter of pride to pay and it's a pleasure to use money worked for to host the evening. A lady recognises this and does her part by taking care on her appearance and being a good dinner companion. I know this may sound old-fashioned to some but it works for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No chance...should always be half half although do see some women on here asking guys to pay for the membership on here haha ...what is it like a fiver

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

There have only ever been a few women who have sat on their hands at the end of a meal if I've ever taken them out.

Despite me saying I'll pay, they have for the most always paid halves. I've found it pretty difficult to pay tbh. If I have, they have paid next time we've eaten - it's just as it has always been.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I’ve seen ‘first dates’ and the Twitter backlash for the guys who suggest going ‘Dutch’. Be safer just to pay

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By *os19Man
over a year ago

Edmonton

A few years ago I went on a lunch date with a young Eastern European lady she was about 10 years younger than me she choose the restaurant and when the bill came it was about £80 which I paid on the second date she again choose the restaurant I thought she would go half’s but again when the bill came again about £80 she sat back like a lady so I paid.I felt that I was been used as to my way of thinking she choose the restaurant and whilst I didn’t expect her to pay the first time I thought she would make a attempt to pay something towards the bill the second time.

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By *an4funMan
over a year ago

london

"I’ve seen ‘first dates’ and the Twitter backlash for the guys who suggest going ‘Dutch’. Be safer just to pay

The First Dates shuffle I call it. The guy goes to pay and the woman pretends to reach for her bag, "I'll pay half". It's just a token gesture as she quickly stops reaching for her bag while throwing in a "are you sure, oh thank you" for good measure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it depends firstly on what your plans are. If it’s only ever in your head to be a one off then offer to pay and if she really wants to pay half then split the bill.

Or like I did knowing it was a full weekend I didn’t mind. Firstly we agreed to go halves but when the bill came I asked if I could pay. She agreed but instantly said ok well I’m getting brunch tomorrow, I said yeah no worries and it worked out ok. We also bought a round a piece in the bars. And it was uncomplicated, shes independent and strong woman that can easily pay for her own way. But the gesture is still a nice thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always pay on the first date, there’s no expectation, I just think I should. Only exception to that was the one time the Lady asked me out. I often pay the second time as well, but if that happens and the Lady doesn’t pay the 3rd time then I don’t see her again.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

"I’ve seen ‘first dates’ and the Twitter backlash for the guys who suggest going ‘Dutch’. Be safer just to pay

Then interview afterwards he says Yes and immediately her face drops…we could be friends

he’s £100 out of pocket and no second date.

that programme

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By *an4funMan
over a year ago

london

"I’ve seen ‘first dates’ and the Twitter backlash for the guys who suggest going ‘Dutch’. Be safer just to pay

Then interview afterwards he says Yes and immediately her face drops…we could be friends

he’s £100 out of pocket and no second date.

that programme"

And then it's back to the drawing board and another £100 to find "love"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would definitely pay on the first meet. I just think it's the right thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sarah Millican asked her audience what was the best thing about being a woman.

One lady shouted out “free dinners”.

Sarah’s response; “they’re not really free, are they love?”

I’d always pay half. I don’t want to have the perceived feeling I owe him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Protocol is to offer to pay, if she says I’ll pay half, say are you sure and if she says yes, don’t push it, if however she says ‘Naaaaaa, you pay I was blagging!’ laugh, pay for it and get out of there and never look back.

That’s just one of the fundamental basics I’ve just made up.

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By *tella HeelsTV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

Ermmmmmm

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

up a bit, right a bit...that's the spot

I always offer to split the bill, but if they insist then I'm not going to cause a scene by arguing, especially if it's just a coffee.

If it's someone I would see again then it would definitely be on the understanding that I paid the next time.

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By *ung fun walesMan
over a year ago

up the road

I think the gentleman should always offer but also accept graciousley if his offer to pay is declined

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d always want to pay especially if I’ve invited them for a coffee/drink/meal but I certainly wouldn’t want to make them feel offended if they really insisted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sarah Millican asked her audience what was the best thing about being a woman.

One lady shouted out “free dinners”.

Sarah’s response; “they’re not really free, are they love?”

I’d always pay half. I don’t want to have the perceived feeling I owe him.

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By *undayTarkaMan
over a year ago

Middleton, Manchester

I'd pay a visit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If any of you ladies fancy making me a sandwich,it would be very welcome,

I'm a simple man with simple needs

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Men still on the whole earn more than women, just saying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pay for what?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you nice she pay you different way

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I don't think need or want a guy pay for me.

O like to meet on equal terms.

And I have little respect for women that feel they should get a free ride

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

Ps..I earn shit money but I'm not going out unless I can pay my 2ay

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

south west

Yes and the lady should bring a chaperon and wear a hat because we are still living in the Victorian era.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It certainly can be a minefield situation without communication first between all parties.

Personally, if I've asked someone to meet for social or a date, my default is to assume I'm paying, as it's me who has asked to meet, but wouldn't be expecting anything in return. I'd be more than happy to go halfs if that is what other person would prefer.

Also, if travelling for meet and hotels involved, that'd be a factor to consider also I think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually go halves on food, drink, hotels, etc. Xx

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By *ereagainlolMan
over a year ago

Lerwick

I was out on a date recently which was a nightmare for reasons I won't go into, but I still paid for both of us, it's just the way I was brought up. I would never expect to get anything from a woman just because I paid the bill.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men still on the whole earn more than women, just saying."

Men on a whole do shitter, harder jobs. Work much longer hours (which is where the gap comes from, not being payed less) and die sooner on average

Just saying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If its me asking her out i'll pay. If its her asking me out, then she pays.

If we're in a relationship with eachother, then we split it 50/50 except for on special occasions

Do Friday nights count as special occasions ? Haha.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope. I can pay for myself thanks

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By *ich_ChesterMan
over a year ago

Chester

"Nope. I can pay for myself thanks

Let's put this into action and plan a date

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