FabSwingers.com forum: Confrontation

By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

If you had a problem with someone, would you directly tackle the issue or would you leave it alone?

If you left it, would you be mindful of it and make remarks, tell your friends or would you just walk away from the situation entirely?

If someone had an issue with you, would you expect them to come to you for resolution or to reach a form of understanding?

Please note, this isn’t based on any events in particular, I’m just curious. Please don’t use this thread as a way of making pointed comments, let’s keep it respectful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very the type of person who would rather tackle it head on.

I don't the point in just sitting getting upset or annoyed about something and talking to the person about it.

I wouldnt normally talk to any one else about it as I think is best to go straight to the person, Sometimes I have done that normally to get advice rather than just to moan.

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

I've confronted my boss before and it didn't go so well so now I just tell my friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Say it or sit on it.

If you can’t speak to someone directly but politely then you have to accept the problem and move on. Certainly don’t stir things up with others or sulk.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I'd probably talk to them directly. I'm a bit of an overthinker and I also would rather get things straight - very much a tackle it head on sort of person.

As far as others go with me? I'd rather they spoke to me directly about it. There can be so much miscommunication, misunderstandings and misdirection of feelings. Plus it creates a loooot of negative energy and I don't have the desire to have that in my life any more.

I'd rather people didn't cause drama etc. Can understand why it happens but it's pretty toxic.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I think it’s best to get things out into the open. I do believe there is a right and wrong way to do that.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"If you had a problem with someone, would you directly tackle the issue or would you leave it alone?

If you left it, would you be mindful of it and make remarks, tell your friends or would you just walk away from the situation entirely?

If someone had an issue with you, would you expect them to come to you for resolution or to reach a form of understanding?

Please note, this isn’t based on any events in particular, I’m just curious. Please don’t use this thread as a way of making pointed comments, let’s keep it respectful "

It’s impossible to answer without taking into account lots of other factors. A pro vs con list. Because all interactions are different

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Depends who it is, what it's over, how well I know them, do they have other stresses on their life I know about? Could they have other stresses I don't know about?

Many variables.

Some times I may speak to others to gauge if it's something that's been noted by more than just me, which could be either an indicator I've fucked them off or an indicator they're struggling or stressing and maybe we could offer some help, some space, some understanding or a slap

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it troubles me I'd speak up if it's insignificant I'd let it go. No point making a drama of something that's unimportant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Approach them and tackle the issue.

I'm not one to just let things carry on if it's an issue. Certainly not afraid to speak my mind.

I'd expect others to be the same with me, at least you can then do something about it if you know it's a problem.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

It very much depends on the situation and the issue - some things it's best just to walk away from as it's pointless trying to discuss - others the discussion is worth having to clear the air and get some clarity, especially if the root of the issue is misunderstanding.

I'm very much one for talking things through if I can, and I think it worth the effort, but communication is a two way thing and takes both people being willing to both talk and listen - if one isn't then dead horses being flogged comes to mind.

As for talking to others about it - I may seek a perspective from someone I trust implicitly, but it would only ever be to get that perspective and if necessary a head wobble, not idle gossip/muck spreading.

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

It depends on the context. Sometimes I would confront people head on. Other times I would let it slide. What ever decision I make I would not stew on it for a long time or bad mouth someone to someone else. I would be wary of that person in the future but I wouldn’t let it rule my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If something is bothering me I’d speak to the person directly….. it takes a lot to bother me and I’d honestly say someone else would have said something first ……

If someone had issues with me I’d expect them to say something there’s nothing wrong with constructive criticism, especially if it makes you a better person xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely tackle it head on. I'm not one for beating around the Bush and would respect someone who had a problem with me for doing the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really depends on who and what, How close we are etc.

If that person is a big part of my life (family, close friend) then I will try to resolve it but even then that doesn't always work. Sometimes it's easier to accept that the friendship/relationship is done and walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am definitely confrontation and conflict averse in... So I would withdraw myself from the situation /friendship

But I also spend a lot of time trying to walk in the other person's shoes and think about the experiences they are going through.

Overall it makes me a very strong, loyal friend... But i do sometimes feel taken advantage of - but i guess if I'm not prepared to call them out , this makes it my issue, not theirs perhaps

I am sometimes minded of the famous quote: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” (not that i think I'm great, more original/weird/quirky)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't like confrontation it seems very hostile and accusatory to me. If things have reached that stage I think there's trouble brewing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No comment

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Depends I would confront in most cases. I am pretty laid back in general and have found especially at work that sudden confrontation works well because it is not expected from me.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Mind you I confronted the red ants that bit me yesterday.

They won

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I don't like confrontation it seems very hostile and accusatory to me. If things have reached that stage I think there's trouble brewing"

I think that the word confrontation does carry negative and aggressive connotations. It depends on how it’s handled though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the relationship I have with the person. If we truely know each other I confront it head on and like the same respect in return. Otherwise, I just leave it alone, the older I get the more I divert away from drama. Some people and situations aren't worth your energy.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I don't like confrontation it seems very hostile and accusatory to me. If things have reached that stage I think there's trouble brewing

I think that the word confrontation does carry negative and aggressive connotations. It depends on how it’s handled though"

It does but if I'm confronted I'm immediately defensive, if I'm defensive I'm going to struggle to see the other person's point of view.

If I'm approached in a non confrontational way the discussion is much more likely to be productive.

I don't get on well with confrontational people and they usually don't get on well with me

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I'd probably ignore it.

There isn't much that is important enough for me to have words with people.

I don't get embroiled in drama and I don't care who has a problem with me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've spent the last ten minutes contemplating this and have ended up deciding I'm all of the above! For me, there's dozens of thoughts and factors as to whether I step up or shy away. I can't just say I'm one or the other.

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By *unandgamegeekMan
over a year ago

Bolton

I've never been confrontational type. Actually, I've never liked confrontations.

With me having Asperger's, if I was confronted, I would usually freeze up and stutter.

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By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

I try and pick my battles. Some things aren't worth confronting and it would be burning heart muscle for no benefit. For instance, if a stranger didn't thank me for holding open a door for them, I doubt that making a scene would help.

But if a friend or somebody close does something, it's worth mentioning it early before it gets to be something big.

I think it all comes down to how you confront something. Tact is a well under used option for some people.

Gbat

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By *erDirtyRockstarMan
over a year ago

buckinghamshire

I respectfully speak outright if someone pisses me off. It clears the air, I'm not walking about heated and reaffirms boundaries

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

Agree with Gemini.

Somethings need to be sorted and an approach is best.

Other, more trivial things, just move on.

I wouldn’t tittle tattle behind someone’s back about it, as I don’t appreciate it when on the receiving end, so to speak.

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By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

"I wouldn’t tittle tattle behind someone’s back about it, as I don’t appreciate it when on the receiving end, so to speak. "

But talking things through with a third party can often help you see things differently. A good litmus test sometimes.

Gbat

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By *etitesaraTV/TS
over a year ago

rochdale

Contrary to popular opinion, I'm quite conflict-averse, but recently I've had to walk away from relationships due to finding out we are diametrically opposed on issues.

I'm finding nowadays that I'd just rather tell people why I find their views offensive, then simply leave them to it.

I'm not in the business of trying to change their views.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I do not enjoy confrontation as it rarely goes well.

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

"I wouldn’t tittle tattle behind someone’s back about it, as I don’t appreciate it when on the receiving end, so to speak.

But talking things through with a third party can often help you see things differently. A good litmus test sometimes.

Gbat"

Yes, in that context absolutely, get someone else’s perspective.

I was taking the OP’s comment to mean more of whinging about it rather than confronting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I had a problem with a close friend then yes I would absolutely confront them and talk it out, I think it's best that way I would rather that than it bottle up inside me and wind me up when it's probably just as easy sorting it out.

However if it was someone I hardly knew then probably not unless something they said or did to me really hurt me or pissed me off. Because otherwise its probably not worth my time.

I would have a little winge to my partner about the situation because that's just who I am and I like to talk about things but wouldn't "bitch" about it to loads of different people.

We are just not drama people, can't be arsed with it all. Much rather sort things out.

Her x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In real life I confront the issue and would want someone to confront me if they had a problem, I prefer things out in the open, i bottled too much up when I was younger and now I’m passed giving a fuck. On here it’s slightly different I’ve let plenty of things slide, even when I’ve really wanted to vent when I think someone’s behaved like a selfish prick, but I’ve just logged, tried to take the higher ground and get on with the rest of my day.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I've confronted my boss before and it didn't go so well so now I just tell my friends."

Interesting. A colleague of mine went to ask the 'boss' about something and he said ...... quote.... Why are you so aggressive ?

Fknell ..... always have someone with you I say.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Depends on my relationship with said person, usually.

Generally though I have no problem in confronting someone (if I can be bothered to) or in fact being confronted. I’m quite fiery.

I don’t talk to others about it, it’s between me and them.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Depends what its about really.

I can easily confront people I prefer to walk away.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

On here probably not as I tend not to let things bother me and cant be doing with it. Plenty don’t like me but I’m not really fussed why.

In real life yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The older I get, the more confrontational I have become... I don't have time for pussy footing around and my mental health is more important to me than ever, so no fucking about... If I have anything to say/do... I will be with you shortly

it's dealing with myself I need to be better at lol

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

All depends on the situation.

I’ve gone toe to toe with my bosses in the past to get them to see their wrongs. I’ve stepped in between two 6ft guys at footie to diffuse a situation. I’ll tell my friends and family they are being dicks and why.

People on the web that have an opinion, unlikely unless they are being just plain rude, bullying for the sake of it.

I will say my peace when needed but other times I’ll walk away as just not worth the energy trying to reason with a brick wall

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mum never had any drama in her life and was one of the most peaceful, pleasant and friendliest women. Didnt have one enemy. She taught us, "least said soonest mended".

So I prefer to stay away from drama and confrontation. Unless its to do with my children or someone vulnerable then mama bear suddenly comes out

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By *isspurplechesterWoman
over a year ago

Chester

I can’t stand confrontation, it freaks me out massively! So I try to avoid and let it go eventually without talking about it to anyone!!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Confrontation is easy ..... so easy ....

Cuntish tho.

I like to dialogue face to face without being a pushover.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Oh ..... to ansswer the Q .......

Like people said above.... Contextually dependent.

Is it worth the hassle ? If no leave it. If yes deal with it.

I don't do the talking behind backs that's bullying but I DO talk to decent friends about things and sound out my reactions to events.

My daughter will say to me .........

Mother, it's time to PISS or get off the POT ....

It's horrible getting yourself right back at you in the form of your genes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a direct type of person. I prefer to know if someone has a problem with me. It doesn't need to be confrontational or awkward. It just needs to be open and honest.

If it's some random person on here who thinks I'm too much whatever or not enough something else that's fine. We can have a talk and maybe they are right.

If it's a friend or someone close I will take what they say on board more than i would a random person.

If I have a problem with someone random I tend to sit on it unless we are having a problem interacting and it's disrupting a thread. It's too easy to put people i don't know into a defensive mindset so sometimes the potential reward is not worth the effort.

But with friends and family I will always let them know. Again it's not in a confrontational way. I think it's better to be honest and that little conversations help relieve relationship pressures

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

It depends... I'm far from afraid of confrontation, there's just not an awful lot that I'm bothered enough about to warrant it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make suggestions that gently, but logically show them that there's a more efficient way of doing things.

If after a few times they're still being close minded i tend to avoid them.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Confrontation is easy ..... so easy ....

Cuntish tho.

I like to dialogue face to face without being a pushover. "

That’s confrontation, you’re confronting and dealing with the issue

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I will tackle it head on.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Depends on the issue, the person and my level of emotion around it.

If I'm capable of discussing it calmly then I'd normally rather have a direct conversation about the issue and my feelings about it.

Sometimes getting to that calm place involves talking to friends about it, but I'd always rather go straight to the person involved when I can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My mum never had any drama in her life and was one of the most peaceful, pleasant and friendliest women. Didnt have one enemy. She taught us, "least said soonest mended".

So I prefer to stay away from drama and confrontation. Unless its to do with my children or someone vulnerable then mama bear suddenly comes out

I like this.

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

All of the above at some point although I’ve never been one to sit and stew about something.

I don’t like the out of sorts feeling of being mad about something so these days I either let it go or I say something and both of these ways make me feel a lot better.

If I’m the one that needs a talking to then I’d prefer it was directed to me rather than 50 people first. It doesn’t always end up that way though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its best to reflect on your part in the issue. Often these things are misunderstandings and your actions may have contributed.

Think about what you want to achieve and how best to approach the conversation and deliver your viewpoint. The way you do this may affect the outcome.

Try not personalise your message - dont make it an attack on them and be prepared to listen to their perspective. It is possible to have conversations about difficult subjects without the conversation itself being difficult.

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