FabSwingers.com forum: A relationship without sex?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

All right, maybe a bit of an odd question to ask on this kind of site, but I was interested in the potential responses.

Would you start a relationship with someone if penetrative sex was not an option? Or rarely an option?

Let's say, for arguments sake, that you like this person, you're attracted to them, you get on well with them. Let's also assume that there are no issues with other forms of intimacy - kissing, cuddling, touching, oral are all options. Just no vaginal and no anal.

Would it make a difference if they were happy to have an open relation so that you could have sex with others?

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By *anB451Man
over a year ago

Reading

If they were happy with an open relationship then yes I would try it. But I probably wouldn't otherwise as it would likely only go one way!

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Yes.

A relationship is about more than sex for me, and if my lack of interest/capability of having penetrative sex required an open relationship for my partner to experience that them so be it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it would be a problem for me under the circumstances you state there. In theory.

In practice it might be more difficult. Especially at the start of a relationship. There is so much potential passion at the start.

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By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

If I really liked them I would have a relationship without penetration.

There are lots of other ways to have fun and it may be a small sacrifice compared to everything else you get from the relationship

Would you OP? X

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Penetration is a part of sex rather than an aim of it in my opinion, so wouldn't be a problem for me - in fact I'd go as far as to say I find other elements of sex far more intimate personally

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By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

Erm going to try left hand tonight yay

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By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

"All right, maybe a bit of an odd question to ask on this kind of site, but I was interested in the potential responses.

Would you start a relationship with someone if penetrative sex was not an option? Or rarely an option?

Would it make a difference if they were happy to have an open relation so that you could have sex with others?"

If it works for you then yes no issues

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Definitely. Foreplay, oral and fingers can go on for hours and if they tick all your boxes then I’d happily be in a non-penetrative sexual relationship.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

No I have to say if it was at the start then no.. I'd refuse. Its hard enough when a partner begins to reduce sexual interest once your in a relationship.

I wouldn't pursue a relationship like that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If I really liked them I would have a relationship without penetration.

There are lots of other ways to have fun and it may be a small sacrifice compared to everything else you get from the relationship

Would you OP? X"

Yes, I don't think it would be a problem for me if I met a really great guy who had erection problems and wasn't able to penetrate me. It would only be an issue for me personally if he denied me other forms of affection and intimacy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The way my brain works I’d feel rejected if he wouldn’t stick it in me so it wouldn’t work for me. Plus as much as I love rimming and sucking dick I do love being fucked so would be a problem for me.

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By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

"If I really liked them I would have a relationship without penetration.

There are lots of other ways to have fun and it may be a small sacrifice compared to everything else you get from the relationship

Would you OP? X

Little blue table may help him

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No I have to say if it was at the start then no.. I'd refuse. Its hard enough when a partner begins to reduce sexual interest once your in a relationship.

I wouldn't pursue a relationship like that."

That's definitely fair enough!

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By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

"If I really liked them I would have a relationship without penetration.

There are lots of other ways to have fun and it may be a small sacrifice compared to everything else you get from the relationship

Would you OP? X

Same, affection and intimacy a must

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By *unxxxMan
over a year ago

Leicester

Sorry not saying its wrong but love sex so much with a partner, but maybe should find a nice person in sex less relationship who knows

Mark

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd want a fully functional sexual relationship

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

[Removed by poster at 26/06/21 22:37:52]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This happened to me, what started as a normal relationship, I couldn’t give my ex girlfriend what she wanted, she was younger than me and wanted to explore more. It ended up with her meeting regular guys to give her the pleasure she craved and we rarely had sex together.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I completely mis read the OP

Try again

I think if everything else was there for me it could work.

I'm not saying I wouldn't miss intercourse because I would but there's other stuff. I like being fucked with a toy so....

My husband had prostrate cancer and we couldn't have intercourse and I'd never have left him because of it.

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By *ervent_fervourMan
over a year ago

Halifax

I think you've asked two questions OP. and both of them are hard to answer.

I'd say no to the first(although oral may swing it the other way), and possibly to the second.

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By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

"I completely mis read the OP

Try again

I think if everything else was there for me it could work.

I'm not saying I wouldn't miss intercourse because I would but there's other stuff. I like being fucked with a toy so....

My husband had prostrate cancer and we couldn't have intercourse and I'd never have left him because of it."

Hopefully he’s recovered now (right)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All right, maybe a bit of an odd question to ask on this kind of site, but I was interested in the potential responses.

Would you start a relationship with someone if penetrative sex was not an option? Or rarely an option?

Would it make a difference if they were happy to have an open relation so that you could have sex with others?"

Yes I could have that sort of relationship - but they would have to be a very special type of man and have no issue with including someone else in our sex life.

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By *aughty_Smooth_OperatorMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

What about then only oral for both?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope... I like cock too much.

But I could be in an open relationship and get some elsewhere then yes I'd perfectly happy otherwise.

Call me shallow.

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By *not123Couple
over a year ago

sp1

As long as there was kissing cuddling and plenty of teasing i would

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I completely mis read the OP

Try again

I think if everything else was there for me it could work.

I'm not saying I wouldn't miss intercourse because I would but there's other stuff. I like being fucked with a toy so....

My husband had prostrate cancer and we couldn't have intercourse and I'd never have left him because of it.

Hopefully he’s recovered now (right)

No! Sadly I lost him to it.

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By *not123Couple
over a year ago

sp1

More than I get with my partner for pass 4 years

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By *not123Couple
over a year ago

sp1

"I completely mis read the OP

Try again

I think if everything else was there for me it could work.

I'm not saying I wouldn't miss intercourse because I would but there's other stuff. I like being fucked with a toy so....

My husband had prostrate cancer and we couldn't have intercourse and I'd never have left him because of it.

Hopefully he’s recovered now (right)

No! Sadly I lost him to it."

Sorry to hear this xx

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By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

"I completely mis read the OP

Try again

I think if everything else was there for me it could work.

I'm not saying I wouldn't miss intercourse because I would but there's other stuff. I like being fucked with a toy so....

My husband had prostrate cancer and we couldn't have intercourse and I'd never have left him because of it.

Hopefully he’s recovered now (right)

No! Sadly I lost him to it."

Oh I’m really sorry to hear that. Don’t mean to be nosy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I completely mis read the OP

Try again

I think if everything else was there for me it could work.

I'm not saying I wouldn't miss intercourse because I would but there's other stuff. I like being fucked with a toy so....

My husband had prostrate cancer and we couldn't have intercourse and I'd never have left him because of it.

Hopefully he’s recovered now (right)

No! Sadly I lost him to it."

I am so sorry to hear that.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I completely mis read the OP

Try again

I think if everything else was there for me it could work.

I'm not saying I wouldn't miss intercourse because I would but there's other stuff. I like being fucked with a toy so....

My husband had prostrate cancer and we couldn't have intercourse and I'd never have left him because of it.

Hopefully he’s recovered now (right)

No! Sadly I lost him to it.

Sorry to hear this xx"

I appreciate that ..thank you xx

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I completely mis read the OP

Try again

I think if everything else was there for me it could work.

I'm not saying I wouldn't miss intercourse because I would but there's other stuff. I like being fucked with a toy so....

My husband had prostrate cancer and we couldn't have intercourse and I'd never have left him because of it.

Hopefully he’s recovered now (right)

No! Sadly I lost him to it.

Oh I’m really sorry to hear that. Don’t mean to be nosy "

It's ok honestly....he was a massive part of my life. It was about 15 yrs ago now, I am happy to talk about him and remember him.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I completely mis read the OP

Try again

I think if everything else was there for me it could work.

I'm not saying I wouldn't miss intercourse because I would but there's other stuff. I like being fucked with a toy so....

My husband had prostrate cancer and we couldn't have intercourse and I'd never have left him because of it.

Hopefully he’s recovered now (right)

No! Sadly I lost him to it.

I am so sorry to hear that.

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All right, maybe a bit of an odd question to ask on this kind of site, but I was interested in the potential responses.

Would you start a relationship with someone if penetrative sex was not an option? Or rarely an option?

Would it make a difference if they were happy to have an open relation so that you could have sex with others?"

Yeah if there are talks about being open in the relationship. I’d miss the penetrative factor in the long run x

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By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

"I completely mis read the OP

Try again

I think if everything else was there for me it could work.

I'm not saying I wouldn't miss intercourse because I would but there's other stuff. I like being fucked with a toy so....

My husband had prostrate cancer and we couldn't have intercourse and I'd never have left him because of it.

Hopefully he’s recovered now (right)

No! Sadly I lost him to it.

Oh I’m really sorry to hear that. Don’t mean to be nosy

It's ok honestly....he was a massive part of my life. It was about 15 yrs ago now, I am happy to talk about him and remember him.

Oh thank goodness I thought I had dropped a clanger there typically me

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By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

Where did everyone go…?

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I completely mis read the OP

Try again

I think if everything else was there for me it could work.

I'm not saying I wouldn't miss intercourse because I would but there's other stuff. I like being fucked with a toy so....

My husband had prostrate cancer and we couldn't have intercourse and I'd never have left him because of it.

Hopefully he’s recovered now (right)

No! Sadly I lost him to it.

Oh I’m really sorry to hear that. Don’t mean to be nosy

It's ok honestly....he was a massive part of my life. It was about 15 yrs ago now, I am happy to talk about him and remember him.

Oh thank goodness I thought I had dropped a clanger there typically me

No worries x

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By *layful HarlequinMan
over a year ago

iver heath

"I completely mis read the OP

Try again

I think if everything else was there for me it could work.

I'm not saying I wouldn't miss intercourse because I would but there's other stuff. I like being fucked with a toy so....

My husband had prostrate cancer and we couldn't have intercourse and I'd never have left him because of it.

Hopefully he’s recovered now (right)

No! Sadly I lost him to it.

Oh I’m really sorry to hear that. Don’t mean to be nosy

It's ok honestly....he was a massive part of my life. It was about 15 yrs ago now, I am happy to talk about him and remember him.

Oh thank goodness I thought I had dropped a clanger there typically me

No worries x"

Yay I’m not alone lol So you and chunky

nudge nudge wink wink lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t have intercourse with my wife any more..we play of course but my dick never goes inside her

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Bliss

Yes I am OK with that, penetration is not the biggest part of sex for me, massage, foreplay and oral is

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By *melia DominaTV/TS
over a year ago

Edinburgh (She/Her)

No. I would be incompable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am in that exact relationship. Although it didn’t start that way.

We live together. We are married. We don’t have a physical relationship together. He is my best friend. My rock. My one true love. We will always be number 1 for each other, we cuddle, we care for one another. We have an absolutely amazing marriage but when we need sex we source it elsewhere not from each other. He’s allowed me to have long term boyfriends and he has rare occasional hookups that suit him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I live with someone, we don't have sex,haven't for 10+ years,still go on holiday etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't start up in a relationship like that as I'm in a relationship which has had nigh on zero intimacy for the last decade and it's tough going, really tough at times.

To be honest I don't think I'd like another long term relationship whatsoever should this one end.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sums up my last relationship....only there was none of the other stuff either

but i loved him, so put up with it. ... never again.....

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

No, nothing comes close to the feeling of it. It's the closest you can be to a person physically.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you everybody for your thoughts and opinions.

The reason that I ask is because I suffer from endometriosis. I have had issues with pain from my teens and sex has always been unpleasant at best. I have found that since I have hit my 30's, the pain has progressively gotten worse and worse, despite trying various methods of birth control and even having an operation.

Currently I can't even use small toys or insert my own fingers because it hurts so much that it makes me cry.

The scar tissue affects my bladder and my bowels, so anal sex is painful too.

And the problem is that... well, I just feel that no man will ever consider me for a serious, long term relationship if I am unable to have sex with him. I went on a standard dating site a while back and found the men there to be very sex-focused, and the one guy I did seem to connect with disappeared as soon as I told him.

It makes me feel like I am just not good enough, because of something I can't control.

Sorry for the rant

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"Thank you everybody for your thoughts and opinions.

Currently I can't even use small toys or insert my own fingers because it hurts so much that it makes me cry.

The scar tissue affects my bladder and my bowels, so anal sex is painful too.

It makes me feel like I am just not good enough, because of something I can't control.

Sorry for the rant "

Sorry to hear that OP.Gosh that must be hard.

Hug of support for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you everybody for your thoughts and opinions.

Currently I can't even use small toys or insert my own fingers because it hurts so much that it makes me cry.

The scar tissue affects my bladder and my bowels, so anal sex is painful too.

It makes me feel like I am just not good enough, because of something I can't control.

Sorry for the rant "

How very sad for you, but I honestly don't believe this to be a showstopper.

I personally much prefer manual and oral stimulation (both giving and receiving) over pentration and could quite easily envisage a fulfilling sex life without the later.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thank you everybody for your thoughts and opinions.

Currently I can't even use small toys or insert my own fingers because it hurts so much that it makes me cry.

The scar tissue affects my bladder and my bowels, so anal sex is painful too.

It makes me feel like I am just not good enough, because of something I can't control.

Sorry for the rant

How very sad for you, but I honestly don't believe this to be a showstopper.

I personally much prefer manual and oral stimulation (both giving and receiving) over pentration and could quite easily envisage a fulfilling sex life without the later.

Thank you, that's very nice to hear! I suppose, like with everything in life, it's just a matter of finding the right person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thank you everybody for your thoughts and opinions.

Currently I can't even use small toys or insert my own fingers because it hurts so much that it makes me cry.

The scar tissue affects my bladder and my bowels, so anal sex is painful too.

It makes me feel like I am just not good enough, because of something I can't control.

Sorry for the rant

Sorry to hear that OP.Gosh that must be hard.

Hug of support for you."

Thank you. It is very hard to deal with sometimes.

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By *rNaughtyNickMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Does a relationship with yourself count ? Asking for a friend

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By *adbury girlWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

"Thank you everybody for your thoughts and opinions.

Currently I can't even use small toys or insert my own fingers because it hurts so much that it makes me cry.

The scar tissue affects my bladder and my bowels, so anal sex is painful too.

It makes me feel like I am just not good enough, because of something I can't control.

Sorry for the rant "

"Thank you everybody for your thoughts and opinions.

Currently I can't even use small toys or insert my own fingers because it hurts so much that it makes me cry.

The scar tissue affects my bladder and my bowels, so anal sex is painful too.

It makes me feel like I am just not good enough, because of something I can't control.

Sorry for the rant "

It’s not a rant it’s just an explanation as to why you asked x

There will be men out there who would have a relationship without penetration it may just take a while to find the right guy. When you mention open relationship, that is fine if that is something you want to do not something you think you need to do as it could put a strain on your relationship if you aren’t fully into open relationships.

The dating sites are a nightmare as I would like to find a partner but they are either dinosaurs or sex mad

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By *oxyvixen99Woman
over a year ago

Newtownabbey

I think it would be OK if it was an open relationship as I'd miss penetrative sex too much

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By *his_Kitty_ScratchesWoman
over a year ago

WSM

"All right, maybe a bit of an odd question to ask on this kind of site, but I was interested in the potential responses.

Would you start a relationship with someone if penetrative sex was not an option? Or rarely an option?

Would it make a difference if they were happy to have an open relation so that you could have sex with others?"

Not for me at the start of something new. after a relationship has been established if it came to that I’d want a discussion of needs being met, be that either one of us having the issue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A relationship without sex isn’t that called being married?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/06/21 18:42:56]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. Not at all. Having been in a sexless relationship it is absolutely not for me. Even if it were open.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big no from me

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By *ocktoplaywithMan
over a year ago

Derby

I’d be happy with everything other than full sex. Particularly love performing oral on a lady

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I'd cope with that...sometimes oral & finger play can be better than penetrative sex...there's alot more to sex than just cock penetration

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No problem at all with there being no anal… oral sex but no vaginal sex? Hmmm, not sure on that one, not in a long-term, monogamous relationship - unless there was a medical reason, something that physically prevented it (e.g. a disability) that would be different.

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

I could see that as a possibility if they ticked all the boxes except penetration, especially if they’re ok with me getting that elsewhere. Even better if they want to join in the fun in some capacity.

OP, there must be plenty of men out there that have issues with penetration and would therefore be glad not to feel under pressure to perform. Especially if you are both willing to explore other areas of excitement together.

I honestly can feel your pain because I suffered from extremely painful periods for many years. Thank goodness for menopause. I will accept the hot flushes as a lesser evil.

Good luck with your quest OP x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No problem at all with there being no anal… oral sex but no vaginal sex? Hmmm, not sure on that one, not in a long-term, monogamous relationship - unless there was a medical reason, something that physically prevented it (e.g. a disability) that would be different. "

In my case... don't know if it would be termed a disability as such, but a chronic medical condition.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

Hi OP

That sounds dreadful and not something I have had any experience with.

I know it can't be easy but don't lose hope x

Sending big hugs to you and wishing you the best with your condition and in finding an understanding partner xx

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Your profile name and your behaviour doesn’t match.

Thought about something more congruent.

Might help people understand.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Yep. In fact it's the only kind of relationship I'd enter into in the future.

I would be less worried about them cheating.

There wouldn't be a reason to lie to me to get in my knickers and empty their balls.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Yep. In fact it's the only kind of relationship I'd enter into in the future.

I would be less worried about them cheating.

There wouldn't be a reason to lie to me to get in my knickers and empty their balls. "

No peas under your mattress.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely. Happy to have deep intimacy without penetration if that were the only aspect of it lacking. There is far more to happiness and intimacy than vaginal and anal penetration.

It’s why swinging exists. It’s possible to have penetrative sex without deep intimacy but impossible to have deep intimacy without having so much more than penetrative sex.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Your profile name and your behaviour doesn’t match.

Thought about something more congruent.

Might help people understand."

Profile name is old. I created it during the period following my operation when I did get a couple of years of relief before the pain came back. Unfortunately a year of that was lost to covid, which figures really.

Since I am only here for the forum, I have never bothered getting around to changing it. Might at some point, if I decide to stick around.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi OP

That sounds dreadful and not something I have had any experience with.

I know it can't be easy but don't lose hope x

Sending big hugs to you and wishing you the best with your condition and in finding an understanding partner xx

Thank you, I appreciate that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Absolutely. Happy to have deep intimacy without penetration if that were the only aspect of it lacking. There is far more to happiness and intimacy than vaginal and anal penetration.

It’s why swinging exists. It’s possible to have penetrative sex without deep intimacy but impossible to have deep intimacy without having so much more than penetrative sex."

I had never thought of it that way, but it makes perfect sense. Thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have penetrative sex with my hubby and we are deeply in love with each other. he loves and encourages me to have sex with other men and women so it all works for us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a relationship like this for 2 years when I was 18-20. It was a very frustrating time. It turned out the gf at the time is A sexual

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