FabSwingers.com forum: Self confidence

By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Fab has been great in a lot of ways for helping me with mine, mainly because of the people I've interacted with and met. But I still have issues with it.

One thing I tend to struggle massively with is when people I find hugely attractive message me and appear to be attracted to me. I don't get it. One of the reasons for that is that it doesn't happen "out there in the real world" as far as I'm aware. So I find it very hard to believe on here.

I know I'm not alone in this, as many people have said the same, but has anyone here actually managed to get over those feelings?

This isn't a poor me post, I just wondered if anyone has made it out the other side and could give those of us who aren't there yet any insight into how it might happen.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Not managed it. I get very shy and a bit like I’m starstruck. Silly of me, but it is what it is.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

Accept it for what it is Posh, your personality shines through and for some that is a big turn on, just as much as the physical aspect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You just have to accept that the people messaging you are actually interested in meeting you.

In the real world someone you find attractive who also finds you attractive yet they don’t know anything about you, don’t know if you’re single or attached and therefore they don’t know if you’d be open to being approached, so they don’t approach.

On here you’re saying here I am, I’m looking to meet people, I’m okay with being approached so approach me!

As for when the meet happens it’s much better to be enthusiastic and go with the flow than appear shy and nervous. In real life there’s all the anticipation, does she wants kiss me, should I touch her, body language, all kinds of shit that would make his dick twitch to be touched.

So, accept that the people messaging you do actually want to meet you. Don’t put yourself down and especially not to them, don’t say things like oh I never thought you would have been interested in me or wanted to meet me. Fishing for compliments is pathetic, be like yeah here I am, course you wanna meet me, have you seen me!? Just think like that.

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Not managed it. I get very shy and a bit like I’m starstruck. Silly of me, but it is what it is."

That's it..... and then I feel like a spanner and get even more shy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This platform encourages people to be forward in the way you’ve highlighted, so if people are attracted to you on here (why wouldn’t they be, your stunning) then you’ll seen get a message telling you that!

Guys are a lot more shy in real life situations, with the exception of the confident few.

Be confident you beautiful lady, I would be it I had your assets! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally understand OP, one of my biggest challenges has been accepting this too as I have never seen myself as 'sexy' so it's been surprising that other's see me that way.

All you can do is trust in other's opinions and take them at face value. If only we could all see each other in someone's else's eye, we would be a lot kinder to ourselves.

Accept your imperfections, own who you are and eventually the confidence will slowly follow. Remember, even the most confident people on the outside could be insecure on the inside.

Keep being you lovely and see you have something to offer too

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

Feel exactly the same as you and have not made it out the other side

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am confident yet I lack confidence in my looks and in my ability to attract others

I'm also a serial overthinker

This is why last minute meets work for me, cos if I have time to think, I talk myself out of them

Same with group socials

I have booked myself in for the MLS twice and both times pulled myself out of the running (with advance notice) cos I got myself into a state about meeting people

Now, if someone said 'there's a Fab social in XYZ this afternoon, fancy it?', I'd go without hesitation because I wouldn't have time to talk myself out of it

Despite all this, I have a great & loving partner and we enjoy so much together

He has anxiety & confidence issues too and I do wonder, because he is very similar is that part of the bond?

I also think because he has these issues, I push myself to be better with my own confidence

I think I need that 'need to nuture' part in a relationship

If someone is very secure and confident, I feel swamped by it as opposed to re-assured by it

Not sure that goes any way to answering your question, but with a lot of my responses here, I always think there will be people who get what I'm saying and they can take some strength and validity from that

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Accept it for what it is Posh, your personality shines through and for some that is a big turn on, just as much as the physical aspect"

You are just too sweet to me.... and I'm probably going to piss people off here so I'm sorry.

Personality is great, and I'm aware people are attracted to a great personality in a lot of ways. But just once I'd like someone to say "you're a total dick and I wish you would shut up, but fuck me I think you're gorgeous". Just once. And they'd have to mean it, y'know?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Accept it for what it is Posh, your personality shines through and for some that is a big turn on, just as much as the physical aspect"

Ditto

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I paid attention to what happens on here I'd have 0. But I don't so I consider myself half decent looking with a slightly more toned body than the average 36 year old and an above leverage sized cock. Take from that what you will

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"You just have to accept that the people messaging you are actually interested in meeting you.

On here you’re saying here I am, I’m looking to meet people, I’m okay with being approached so approach me!

Oh God.... I'm not fishing for compliments. And never do (except when I do it on certain threads and make it clear that's what I'm doing.... and anyone can see I'm not being serious).

I think one thing that makes it hard to believe people are genuine is because as we all know, some men (not all, but even some really attractive guys) have a real scatter gun approach to messaging and I often wonder if I'm just the only one who replied, or one of the few, and they're making the best of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your beautiful in ever way shape and forum your so nice and careing that you deserve to be treated with respect and to nice things

So why not jump in the fire and give it a go who knows what may happen beautiful

Now that I have sent a bit off flatly

Yes I took have chances like this if you believe it’s to good to be true then check to see if they real beautiful

Normally I find people who wouldn’t normally look at me in the real world

Are normally really only after sex would say just asked them upfront what they looking for

And if it’s just sex they want and your ok with it just being that then why denie your self off it

I alway say honest is the best policy and don’t lead me down the garden path

If it’s just sex just say so

I mean I would be bonkers crazy to turn down a steamy night with woman man couple or tv that’s absolutely stunning

As long as before hand I new what it was I was walking in to

Ie just sex one off or a more regular thing that way I don’t feel used as I new before hand what it was and had a steam hot night that I never forget

Now that my input stage is past

Nsp your wonderful and anyone would be lucky for you to spend time with them

xxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having seen a few posts in the forums from guys about how they go for certain girls, because they feel they are a certainty, I am definitely very cautious about who I chat to. Although a lot of the time, the guys that are looking for a quick fuck won’t stay around to chat if that’s all they are after, so they are fairly easy to spot. But yeah, if a really hot guy messaged me, I’d be like sorry did you mean to message me

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"This platform encourages people to be forward in the way you’ve highlighted, so if people are attracted to you on here (why wouldn’t they be, your stunning) then you’ll seen get a message telling you that!

Guys are a lot more shy in real life situations, with the exception of the confident few.

Be confident you beautiful lady, I would be it I had your assets! x"

Thank you

How can you tell the difference between the guys who are genuine and those who just figure (as I know some do) that "the (insert judgement here) bird will be an easy shag"

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

Nope and never will. I see it as ‘would shag’ rather than ‘would date’ and to me they are very different things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My body confidence has grown massively since being on here.

My self confidence has increased as well but not quite as much as my body confidence.

When I get messages from attractive men I do still sometimes doubt myself and think that I will be a disappointment if/when they meet me in real life.

I do find myself wondering why they would be interested in me when there are so many attractive women on here. But I’m getting better at giving myself a good talking to, as I know I’m alright really. And they wouldn’t message me if they didn’t find me attractive and interesting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great answer

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

You’re not alone in it. Confidence comes in many different forms. People are often surprised to find I’m not over confident. I could stand up in front of 2 thousand people and do a speech without flinching and I’m very confident in life itself but a first time fab social and I’m that nervous I feel sick! Also being with the same man for 30 years made me terrified of someone else seeing my body at first. I have not met people because I’ve thought wtf would they want with me just look at them! In fact you and I had a similar conversation about this yesterday.

For the record I was a bit star struck when I met you NSP!!

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Totally understand OP, one of my biggest challenges has been accepting this too as I have never seen myself as 'sexy' so it's been surprising that other's see me that way.

All you can do is trust in other's opinions and take them at face value. If only we could all see each other in someone's else's eye, we would be a lot kinder to ourselves.

Accept your imperfections, own who you are and eventually the confidence will slowly follow. Remember, even the most confident people on the outside could be insecure on the inside.

Keep being you lovely and see you have something to offer too

I think one big problem is that along with helping my confidence, fab has also taught me not to trust as easily as I once did. Which doesn't help the confidence as you then can't believe people as much.

I'm basically happy with me for me, and I'm slowly accepting that some people will find me attractive. It's just that niggle in the brain.

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Feel exactly the same as you and have not made it out the other side

We will. I promise. One day. And I'm hoping the forum might help us

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

You need self belief first Posh, we can tell you till we are blue in the face, but you need to believe it yourself. I'd advise to get on with meeting these people and once you see the arousal you bring to them, you will shed those doubts one by one x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You just have to accept that the people messaging you are actually interested in meeting you.

On here you’re saying here I am, I’m looking to meet people, I’m okay with being approached so approach me!

Oh God.... I'm not fishing for compliments. And never do (except when I do it on certain threads and make it clear that's what I'm doing.... and anyone can see I'm not being serious).

No no, wasn’t saying you were fishing for compliments. Maybe I used the wrong words there. But just don’t put them on a pedestal or wonder why they’ve chosen you and definitely never ask them anything like why they’ve chosen to message you cos it might make them think hmm she doesn’t think I should pick her so maybe I shouldn’t then. Do you know what I mean?

Just talk to them back like you would anyone else. If you put someone in a league that you think is above you, even if it’s subconsciously it can put you on the back foot.

When or if I ever respond to guys I always think yeah mate you’re lucky I’m even tapping my keys here to respond.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I so get this OP, I am the same. I wish I could go to a shop and buy a pound of self confidence, it could be so easy.

I haven't got over these feelings you speak of and I feel it ruins things for me, its like my self destruct button. I wish a world with no mirrors to be honest.

NSP you are a gorgeous lady inside and out, it oozes out of you quite clearly mwah

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I am confident yet I lack confidence in my looks and in my ability to attract others

I'm also a serial overthinker

This is why last minute meets work for me, cos if I have time to think, I talk myself out of them

Same with group socials

I have booked myself in for the MLS twice and both times pulled myself out of the running (with advance notice) cos I got myself into a state about meeting people

Now, if someone said 'there's a Fab social in XYZ this afternoon, fancy it?', I'd go without hesitation because I wouldn't have time to talk myself out of it

Despite all this, I have a great & loving partner and we enjoy so much together

He has anxiety & confidence issues too and I do wonder, because he is very similar is that part of the bond?

I also think because he has these issues, I push myself to be better with my own confidence

I think I need that 'need to nuture' part in a relationship

If someone is very secure and confident, I feel swamped by it as opposed to re-assured by it

I really do get it. Most of that is me as well. Except the last part. Being with someone confident can go either way for me, depending on their attitude to me.

Thanks Bussy x

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Accept it for what it is Posh, your personality shines through and for some that is a big turn on, just as much as the physical aspect

Ditto

Thanks SD.... did you see what I replied to the Agent?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Offline, visually, someone may catch my eye but there must be more to follow it.

In the Forum, it’s a rather more rounded personality. It can be the way she posts, how she conducts herself, her photos, the way she converses…..it’s beyond the visual.

I would be attracted or seduced far beyond the visual by her. I want to know her. Her body is simply the packaging.

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"If I paid attention to what happens on here I'd have 0. But I don't so I consider myself half decent looking with a slightly more toned body than the average 36 year old and an above leverage sized cock. Take from that what you will"

You are more toned than many others.... and your cock is indeed above average size. And you have a finely crafted chin (that's as far as I can tell what you look like).

If you messaged me I'd be convinced you'd meant to message someone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

New man in here

I message the women I fancy from their profile or from the image.

I’m very impressed by the honesty in the profiles here .

So yes i woukd say I fancy your look and the thought of someone from what I can understand on here.

In real life as gas been said it’s tough to approach. In my twenties I was way too shy

And now at going on fifty I’d just approach someone if in a bar . Worst they can say is get lost! But people like to chat don’t they

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guys are a lot more shy in real life situations, with the exception of the confident few.

Be confident you beautiful lady, I would be it I had your assets! x

Thank you

How can you tell the difference between the guys who are genuine and those who just figure (as I know some do) that "the (insert judgement here) bird will be an easy shag""

Unfortunately you can’t truly tell the difference, it’s up to you to take the plunge with guys that seem ‘right’ - I’d encourage social meets as that way it should be easier to out the good ones from the ones that just want a quick wham bam experience x

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I roll my eyes when i receive the messages calling me beautiful. But i have managed to attract some handsome men. When they have the personality to match its led to some very enjoyable meets. I just dont question it. They say they like me and i choose to believe them. I always get repeats so i must be doing something right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Accept it for what it is Posh, your personality shines through and for some that is a big turn on, just as much as the physical aspect

Ditto

Thanks SD.... did you see what I replied to the Agent?"

I did

You are the whole package but you do come out with some crap sometimes. I mean every word of that xx

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Your beautiful in ever way shape and forum your so nice and careing that you deserve to be treated with respect and to nice things

So why not jump in the fire and give it a go who knows what may happen beautiful

Now that I have sent a bit off flatly

Yes I took have chances like this if you believe it’s to good to be true then check to see if they real beautiful

Normally I find people who wouldn’t normally look at me in the real world

Are normally really only after sex would say just asked them upfront what they looking for

And if it’s just sex they want and your ok with it just being that then why denie your self off it

I alway say honest is the best policy and don’t lead me down the garden path

If it’s just sex just say so

I mean I would be bonkers crazy to turn down a steamy night with woman man couple or tv that’s absolutely stunning

As long as before hand I new what it was I was walking in to

Ie just sex one off or a more regular thing that way I don’t feel used as I new before hand what it was and had a steam hot night that I never forget

Now that my input stage is past

Nsp your wonderful and anyone would be lucky for you to spend time with them

xxxxxx"

Thank you lovely xxx

The bit you said about too good to be true.... that's the thing. I don't know how to make sure, and I've been there once where I was definitely just considered a hole to get someone's dick wet in and I felt like shit about it. That's what I'm worried about happening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey posh.

I totally get it.

First time I stepped outside my comfort zone…I’d seen a real hot post workout pic of a guy and had to message just a hey nice pic never expecting a reply let alone anything else. We formed a great…. friendship

I often look at others and feel that they wouldn’t be interested and am always surprised when they are. Outwardly you’d never see this and I go with it though always wonder if I would be a disappointment in person.

This has not yet happened. I’m me and I am the only one that has issue in accepting the way I am. That little niggle will never go away but I control it much better these days…fab has helped tremendously rather the people I’ve met here male and female.

Control the inner chimp!!!

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

Always go with that gut feeling.....

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Having seen a few posts in the forums from guys about how they go for certain girls, because they feel they are a certainty, I am definitely very cautious about who I chat to. Although a lot of the time, the guys that are looking for a quick fuck won’t stay around to chat if that’s all they are after, so they are fairly easy to spot. But yeah, if a really hot guy messaged me, I’d be like sorry did you mean to message me

It's like you reached into my brain and wrote down what you found!

Maybe it just comes down to trusting your gut....

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Nope and never will. I see it as ‘would shag’ rather than ‘would date’ and to me they are very different things. "

I see that, and I'm not looking for the "would date".....

I'm just looking for reassurance that the "would shag" isn't just because I'm there if that makes sense?

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"Nope and never will. I see it as ‘would shag’ rather than ‘would date’ and to me they are very different things.

I see that, and I'm not looking for the "would date".....

I'm just looking for reassurance that the "would shag" isn't just because I'm there if that makes sense?

Totally.. don’t think I’ll ever get past that though. Even without a photo there’s a mass of profiles that still wasn’t to meet now so I take everything with a mound of salt. ‘Would shag’ isn’t enough for me to want to go there…

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"My body confidence has grown massively since being on here.

My self confidence has increased as well but not quite as much as my body confidence.

When I get messages from attractive men I do still sometimes doubt myself and think that I will be a disappointment if/when they meet me in real life.

That's the few steps ahead of where I am. Havent managed to find the right words to give myself the talking to and get me to listen rather than argue with logic and doubt.

I'm so glad you posted that, as it's exactly what gives me hope and faith that there's a way through this stage of confidence. Thank you x

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Not a blinking clue how to get over it, I think on here it's harder to judge and put your mind at ease. Like if you were out in the real world you could see their reactions not just the words if that makes sense.

I take on here, it will take me a while to accept that they might and if they're unprepared to wait well they're not for me

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Guys are a lot more shy in real life situations, with the exception of the confident few.

Be confident you beautiful lady, I would be it I had your assets! x

Thank you

How can you tell the difference between the guys who are genuine and those who just figure (as I know some do) that "the (insert judgement here) bird will be an easy shag""

They drop off very quickly. The ones who are truly interested will put in the effort.

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

I don’t feel like that anymore with single guys. In my particular case, I now know that younger men are very attracted to mature women so I take that in my stride and enjoy it as much as I can while I can!

But when I get messages from couples who are early to mid thirties and both are strikingly good-looking and it looks like they’ve met people just like them then I feel quite insecure and not confident at all

in those cases I usually let the conversations fizzle out as I think they are going to laugh at me or something if we met up for a social ir a club. Don’t know...

I’m in oversharing mode today. Lol

So no practical advice I’m afraid, but just to say that I’ve felt something similar!

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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago

stockport

People are always star struck when they meet me!

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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago

stockport

On a serious note I don’t take fab messages seriously. The real world is far more realistic.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"People are always star struck when they meet me!

More like scared stiff!

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"You’re not alone in it. Confidence comes in many different forms. People are often surprised to find I’m not over confident. I could stand up in front of 2 thousand people and do a speech without flinching and I’m very confident in life itself but a first time fab social and I’m that nervous I feel sick! Also being with the same man for 30 years made me terrified of someone else seeing my body at first. I have not met people because I’ve thought wtf would they want with me just look at them! In fact you and I had a similar conversation about this yesterday.

For the record I was a bit star struck when I met you NSP!!

Erm..... whaaa? Really? Was it the tiara I was wearing? Was that too much?

I'd never have realised that. But then I was a bit busy being star struck myself

And the conversation yesterday may have had something to do with this post

as it has been playing on my mind a while.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stop over thinking things posh.

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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago

stockport

"People are always star struck when they meet me!

More like scared stiff!

Stiff yes that’s another effect I have

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"You need self belief first Posh, we can tell you till we are blue in the face, but you need to believe it yourself. I'd advise to get on with meeting these people and once you see the arousal you bring to them, you will shed those doubts one by one x"

I'm finding that self belief C, thank you. And you know I always value your advice greatly....

You know, however, that if I do take your advice here and these people don't appear aroused by me in person I'm going to cry and never believe you again though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Liking you confidence fella , us ladies like a confident but non arrogant chap

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They do say overthinking is the thief of happiness. Accept, enjoy and stop trying to second guess what someone else finds attractive.

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By *heNYCSausageMan
over a year ago

Everton

Well I am not surprised you felt intimidated by me!!! After all, I am forum royalty!!!

Seriously though, we all feel that. I never feel enough for anyone so when someone wants meet me, I question why.

And only yesterday, Lexi introduced me to a woman who says she wants to play with me, I went all red and had to leave the shop!!!

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"People are always star struck when they meet me!

More like scared stiff!

Stiff yes that’s another effect I have

Just spat my drink out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP -

I think (from a blokes viewpoint here):

Confidence is one of the sexiest things a man looks for.

Self confidence / sexual confidence is the ideal.

When we see women on here, even though they may not be our usual type (looks wise) - the fact you are on here screams confidence.

That’s the reason why blokes (all blokes - good looking and maybe not so good-looking) will reach out to you.

In the real world we don’t see the confidence unless we really get to know a woman (which is why I think we resort to the usual attractions - looks).

PS - you are beautiful though.

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By *RSTCouple
over a year ago

S. Northants

We agree with you Posh to a degree. There are people who talk to us here that we doubt would look at us twice in a bar or club.

However, as others have pointed out your personality and desires come through fab and strike a cord with others. Fab breaks alot of societies rules.

Attraction is a strange thing. It can be skin deep or look straight passed the aesthetics. It can boil over for someone unexpected, and merely simmer for someone you'd expect to be clawing after. From our experience it doesn't fit set rules.

Unfortunately, whether we want it to or not, society groups people into 'leagues' and as such your body language may unintentionally but naturally make someone you're attracted to think you're not (by a nervous uneasiness mixed with excitement and panic), therefore there's no real interaction.

Fab has no body language, just (for the most part) like minded individuals connecting and chatting.

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By *heNYCSausageMan
over a year ago

Everton

"People are always star struck when they meet me!

More like scared stiff!

Stiff yes that’s another effect I have

Yep! I know you and I’m terrified of you haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Your beautiful in ever way shape and forum your so nice and careing that you deserve to be treated with respect and to nice things

So why not jump in the fire and give it a go who knows what may happen beautiful

Now that I have sent a bit off flatly

Yes I took have chances like this if you believe it’s to good to be true then check to see if they real beautiful

Normally I find people who wouldn’t normally look at me in the real world

Are normally really only after sex would say just asked them upfront what they looking for

And if it’s just sex they want and your ok with it just being that then why denie your self off it

I alway say honest is the best policy and don’t lead me down the garden path

If it’s just sex just say so

I mean I would be bonkers crazy to turn down a steamy night with woman man couple or tv that’s absolutely stunning

As long as before hand I new what it was I was walking in to

Ie just sex one off or a more regular thing that way I don’t feel used as I new before hand what it was and had a steam hot night that I never forget

Now that my input stage is past

Nsp your wonderful and anyone would be lucky for you to spend time with them

xxxxxx

Thank you lovely xxx

Your welcome and yes I know that feeling and understand all to well when a guy who’s has straight in is profile messages me I get the feeling that I only being messaged because they had no luck with woman and I am the next best thing and I going to be easy witch is not in the slightest bit true

Good why to check out is keep the chat long ie weeks months then social no play then social no play

The ones who are only after sex and not friendship or more will get fed up and quickly movie on to the next

I made a rule with my self a long time ago as long as I know upfront what it is I will be good with it

But I set that rule stander high ie I am not easy for everyone but do let the odd one slip though as it’s worth it to hot to turn down

I know not everyone like that or can think along those lines and shouldn’t

But it’s what ever is most comfortable for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fab has been great in a lot of ways for helping me with mine, mainly because of the people I've interacted with and met. But I still have issues with it.

I know I'm not alone in this, as many people have said the same, but has anyone here actually managed to get over those feelings?

This isn't a poor me post, I just wondered if anyone has made it out the other side and could give those of us who aren't there yet any insight into how it might happen. "

Oh m god. THIS!!!! I feel the EXACT same way as you OP and I just cannot get my head round it. Like what on earth someone as good as them is messaging little old me for.

This has helped my self confidence a little but the whiny bitch voice in my head still pops up

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Just talk to them back like you would anyone else. If you put someone in a league that you think is above you, even if it’s subconsciously it can put you on the back foot.

When or if I ever respond to guys I always think yeah mate you’re lucky I’m even tapping my keys here to respond. "

I actually do know what you meant and appreciate you weren't saying that was what I was doing, I just wanted to acknowledge that I'm aware it's not the best thing to do and I also know I do it occasionally.... but when I do it is basically for comic effect.

What you're saying makes sense. But it takes a lot when you've been put down so much throughout your life to get to the point where you can think anything different. So one day I want to find the belief that there are no leagues, I'm just needing to take those steps. And they're hard ones to find.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My body confidence has grown massively since being on here.

My self confidence has increased as well but not quite as much as my body confidence.

When I get messages from attractive men I do still sometimes doubt myself and think that I will be a disappointment if/when they meet me in real life.

That's the few steps ahead of where I am. Havent managed to find the right words to give myself the talking to and get me to listen rather than argue with logic and doubt.

I'm so glad you posted that, as it's exactly what gives me hope and faith that there's a way through this stage of confidence. Thank you x"

I’ve been reading a lot about positive thinking and have found it helps. I’m slowly learning to look at the good & not focus on what I perceive to be my flaws as I know they are in my head and others don’t actually notice the areas I have hang ups about.

It helps that I have built some really good friendships on here and they help me to see the good aspects of me.

I’m still shit at accepting compliments though and always defer to self depreciation in response!

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Very simply I treat everyone as equal, there are no pedestals in my world. More importantly just being yourself, just treat it like meeting an old friend, relax and have a laugh. The attraction side doesn’t cross my mind until later, if it goes that way.

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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago

stockport

"Well I am not surprised you felt intimidated by me!!! After all, I am forum royalty!!!

Seriously though, we all feel that. I never feel enough for anyone so when someone wants meet me, I question why.

And only yesterday, Lexi introduced me to a woman who says she wants to play with me, I went all red and had to leave the shop!!!"

Ha! Was bloody hilarious! We was in Ann Summers too!

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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago

stockport

"People are always star struck when they meet me!

More like scared stiff!

Stiff yes that’s another effect I have

Just spat my drink out

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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago

stockport

"People are always star struck when they meet me!

More like scared stiff!

Stiff yes that’s another effect I have

Yep! I know you and I’m terrified of you haha"

If your that scared pay the bill now!

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"Fab has been great in a lot of ways for helping me with mine, mainly because of the people I've interacted with and met. But I still have issues with it.

I know I'm not alone in this, as many people have said the same, but has anyone here actually managed to get over those feelings?

This isn't a poor me post, I just wondered if anyone has made it out the other side and could give those of us who aren't there yet any insight into how it might happen. "

Take what people say at face value (note I didn’t say trust!).

Don’t try and second guess, over think or try and find answers which may be incorrect.

If in doubt ask.

Don’t fall for potential, as alluring as that may be.

Accept yourself for who you are.

Realise no one is “better” than you, regardless of physical attributes, wealth, status etc.

As for the real world, remember online is a different beast.

I met my wife online and she is from a different country, we would never have met in the real world.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

Posh, you know that I feel exactly the same as you, about my body.

And I have the added "hindrance" of being nearly 54yrs old. I'm convinced younger, fit & handsome guys are just wanting to tick off the "older woman" from their bucket list.

BUT, I'm slowly believing that a lot of the guys who message me DO genuinely seem to like me. And much like in real life, once people get to know me (or interact with me on the forum) they realise I'm smart, funny & jolly good company!

You're EXACTLY the same, Posh! Your humour, compassion, intelligence, empathy shine through in spades. We need to realise that just as WE value those qualities in a guy, many guys value them in us. And they really don't care if we're not supermodels.

You are an amazing human. Any guy to meet you is damn lucky! X

(This is me on a positive day, if you'd posed this question last week, I'd have taken to bed and cried about it!)

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I so get this OP, I am the same. I wish I could go to a shop and buy a pound of self confidence, it could be so easy.

I haven't got over these feelings you speak of and I feel it ruins things for me, its like my self destruct button. I wish a world with no mirrors to be honest.

NSP you are a gorgeous lady inside and out, it oozes out of you quite clearly mwah

Thank you lovely.... and you know I think the same of you.

My world has one mirror. It's about 2 inches in diameter. And that self destruct button you mention is huge and everywhere.

We will make it through. One day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are we all so different online compared to real life?

I always treat people with utter respect albeit via spoken word or message...which can sometimes give an air of self confidence as a persona, but the reality is I'm actually quite a shy person in reality and I use my manners and politeness to mask that

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By *otSoPosh OP Woman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Offline, visually, someone may catch my eye but there must be more to follow it.

In the Forum, it’s a rather more rounded personality. It can be the way she posts, how she conducts herself, her photos, the way she converses…..it’s beyond the visual.

I would be attracted or seduced far beyond the visual by her. I want to know her. Her body is simply the packaging."

You have very, very cleverly avoided the question in a very flattering way.... I love that about you

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

It might not happen 'out there' for you but it does in here. I think on the forums (and on Fab in general) people can find out about your personality and like the flirtatious confidence that comes with it - your physical appearance isn't as important.

Also, stop buying into the notion of leagues, they are bollocks to be blunt! People find all sorts of things attractive and you're discounting yourself by saying those you find attractive won't find you attractive. Think of men you've messaged before and the flirty mindset of that. Try and adopt it more and stop being so hard on yourself, others will do that for you so why do it to yourself? Be your own friend.

On a personal level, I do have confidence issues about my physical appearance. I get hit on in the real world and on here and I discount it because I'm not what's an ideal attractive. And in my head I'm still a size 28.

Start developing self belief NSP, everyone deserves to have it x

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By *heNYCSausageMan
over a year ago

Everton

"People are always star struck when they meet me!

More like scared stiff!

Stiff yes that’s another effect I have

Yep! I know you and I’m terrified of you haha

If your that scared pay the bill now!

I said scared, not stupid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fab has been great in a lot of ways for helping me with mine, mainly because of the people I've interacted with and met. But I still have issues with it.

I know I'm not alone in this, as many people have said the same, but has anyone here actually managed to get over those feelings?

This isn't a poor me post, I just wondered if anyone has made it out the other side and could give those of us who aren't there yet any insight into how it might happen. "

Putting aside how attractive the people you engage with are, people will engage with you and find your attractive on quite a few levels. Fortunately for you, those reasons are likely not to be all superficial ones: you’re a good person, you’re well balanced, you’re engaging, you’re intelligent, you’re modest and assertive, you make people around you feel good.

The great beauty of “online” life is that it allowed people to make more rounded assessments of one another, be watching/seeing one another’s behaviours. We rarely get a chance to show our “self” to people in real life, during those brief and sporadic moments we might be in one another’s company.

Don’t be in any doubt about your “worth”.

Of course, you also happen to have super smashing boobies and there are the few - especially on FAB - who will only want you for the Chance to cop a feel of those!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't think there's a way out of it. You either understand that some people will find you attractive whatever "they" look like or not. The way someone looks doesn't *in most cases* influence who they find attractive.

I think on fab it's worth realising that a lot of people will have different criteria to those they have off fab. That doesn't mean they have lower standards (whatever that means) on fab it just means that *for them* a different set of considerations apply in the fab world.

In my case I'm very much aware that the 30 to 40 year olds who say they prefer older women like me wouldn't approach me outside of fab but it's true to say that I wouldn't approach them either. However we're all here to enjoy swinging and taking pleasure from interactions with each other. It's something I accept for what it is and I don't question it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fab has been great in a lot of ways for helping me with mine, mainly because of the people I've interacted with and met. But I still have issues with it.

I know I'm not alone in this, as many people have said the same, but has anyone here actually managed to get over those feelings?

This isn't a poor me post, I just wondered if anyone has made it out the other side and could give those of us who aren't there yet any insight into how it might happen. "

I messaged you because I found you sexy and I felt like your personality was very attractive too. No one is on fab to make random people feel better about themselves (I certainlyam not).

Yes some messages you get will be the copy and paste fantasist stuff that they might send to 50 people hoping to get a reply but I imagine that most of what you get is genuine.

The reason why you might not get as much attention in walk around world is because you don't have forums there, where you can show your personality.

And at the risk of making assumptions I think maybe you can be more yourself on here than you can walking around Dorset

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

NSP you were so brave when you posted that candid shot and it certainly didn't seem to lose you any admirers. You always get tons of messages on any secret admirer post.

But outside validation only goes so far. I hope you find the inner peace, from what i see on the forum and from what I've heard behind the scenes(only ever good things) you deserve it.

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By *heRazorsEdgeMan
over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK

"You just have to accept that the people messaging you are actually interested in meeting you.

On here you’re saying here I am, I’m looking to meet people, I’m okay with being approached so approach me!

Oh God.... I'm not fishing for compliments. And never do (except when I do it on certain threads and make it clear that's what I'm doing.... and anyone can see I'm not being serious).

Just talk to them back like you would anyone else. If you put someone in a league that you think is above you, even if it’s subconsciously it can put you on the back foot.

When or if I ever respond to guys I always think yeah mate you’re lucky I’m even tapping my keys here to respond. "

Do you approach it this way because you’re trying to convince yourself that they’re lucky to interact with you or because you genuinely are this confident in how good you are?

If it’s the latter then I believe that you’re fully justified in this, but you are out of the ordinary.

In my experience (I.e. old as fuck..) we’re usually a lot more critical of ourselves than other people are.

I had a chat about this yesterday with a very good fellow forumite that I find extremely attractive, who personally cannot see herself as being attractive…

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By *iman2100Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Some of the most beautiful women I have known in my life have not turned me on, or been as enjoyable to have sex with, as most of the "ordinary" ladies.

Desirability is multi faceted and for me at least a beautiful faced perfect 10 is a bit of a turn off compared with many ladies who view themselves as "ordinary".

OP, you radiate raw sexiness, friendliness and approachability. When guys say you are gorgeous they are seeing you not only through their eyes but also from their heart. They see you as a very desirable person to meet. Lie back and enjoy it.