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"Imho you’re just being needy but as I said that’s just my opinion and not a stead fast fact. A friend with benefits is just that really and it does what it says on the tin. Tony" Is it needy to want to be special? I'm here for enjoyment as well? Maybe I am needy or fussy? | |||
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"Imho you’re just being needy but as I said that’s just my opinion and not a stead fast fact. A friend with benefits is just that really and it does what it says on the tin. Tony Is it needy to want to be special? I'm here for enjoyment as well? Maybe I am needy or fussy? " You are who you are and the trick to enjoyment again imho is to be happy being in your own skin and owning who you are be that needy or fussy warts and all. *disclaimer* the op may not have warts but it is merely a saying!! Tony | |||
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"I previously had a fwb who very much hated the thought of me meeting others in between seeing him. At that time I wasn't seeking exclusivity and therefore I wouldn't tell him that I had met my fb's but it felt wrong to not be open and honest with him. He displayed trust issues with me and progressively over a few meets these became a red flag to me and I walked away from him. So OP my advice to you is to seek the right play partner that suits your needs. I would say that you seek exclusivity and there are ladies who seek the same, now you just need to find them. Good luck NBVN x" I think your right...I should concentrate on someone seeking the same as me...I'm happy to still be her friend without benefits | |||
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"Should a fwb be special or just a number?. So I'm giving up with someone because they have a few fwbs...my hang up not there's...would you prefer someone looking for that 1 or 2 special fwb or just a number? Am I being selfish for wanting someone who thinks I'm special or should I just go with whoever's offering? I want to be special to someone....or is that lame on here for a guy to want? Anyway just musing.....happy Friday x" Isn't that a boyfriend/girlfriend situation? You can be one of many and be special as well. You can bring different play elements to the party. | |||
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"Being Fwb means just that, you don't stop your friend having other friends do you?" It’s not a case of stopping someone! I’d never do that. It’s a case of finding someone who wants the same thing. | |||
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"Should a fwb be special or just a number?. So I'm giving up with someone because they have a few fwbs...my hang up not there's...would you prefer someone looking for that 1 or 2 special fwb or just a number? Am I being selfish for wanting someone who thinks I'm special or should I just go with whoever's offering? I want to be special to someone....or is that lame on here for a guy to want? Anyway just musing.....happy Friday x Isn't that a boyfriend/girlfriend situation? You can be one of many and be special as well. You can bring different play elements to the party. " I get that,like I said it's my hang up not theres,think I was looking for 1 or 2 connections with someone looking for the same,but I'm not gonna stop chatting with her | |||
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"It’s whatever you want. Personally I wouldn’t be interested in someone that had numerous fwb. For me having a fwb is more. If you have numerous I class that as fuck buddies not fwb " I think that's exactly what I mean | |||
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"Being Fwb means just that, you don't stop your friend having other friends do you?" I wouldn't ask her to stop anything....she's a friend first and foremost | |||
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"I previously had a fwb who very much hated the thought of me meeting others in between seeing him. At that time I wasn't seeking exclusivity and therefore I wouldn't tell him that I had met my fb's but it felt wrong to not be open and honest with him. He displayed trust issues with me and progressively over a few meets these became a red flag to me and I walked away from him. So OP my advice to you is to seek the right play partner that suits your needs. I would say that you seek exclusivity and there are ladies who seek the same, now you just need to find them. Good luck NBVN x I think your right...I should concentrate on someone seeking the same as me...I'm happy to still be her friend without benefits " And that's really nice. I also have experience of this aspect and this particular guy is now one of my best friends. We weren't meant to be lovers but I would miss his friendship more if I lost that, its been 8 years of BFF's NBVN x | |||
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"All my FWBs would be special to me, for different reasons. I think you need a certain maturity to deal with that kind of thing." You dont need to be mature to want to be special to someone...if your happy to not be special to all your fwbs then that's your choice and I have my choice x | |||
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"Should a fwb be special or just a number?. So I'm giving up with someone because they have a few fwbs...my hang up not there's...would you prefer someone looking for that 1 or 2 special fwb or just a number? Am I being selfish for wanting someone who thinks I'm special or should I just go with whoever's offering? I want to be special to someone....or is that lame on here for a guy to want? Anyway just musing.....happy Friday x" Looking at it from an immediate reactionary viewpoint, I’d say that you’re thinking like a monogamist. Special and unique aren’t the same thing. Monogamous culture teaches us that a meaningful relationship can only be had between two people and that for it to be special and important, there can only be one, which can be quite toxic when you think about it. A person can have many friends, lots of meaningful connections in their lives but one person is expected to be their only source of joy, pleasure, emotional support, comfort and sex? A person gets from a relationship what they put into it, that can be as intense as you want it to be without it being exclusive. If a person having multiple partners and connections is an issue for you then perhaps you need to be looking for a monogamous relationship? | |||
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"There's nothing in the slightest bit selfish about wanting what you want for you - but with that has to come acceptance that others will want what they want for them, and if the two things don't match you have the choice to either walk away or compromise - you can't force what you want on others, not that I am suggesting you're trying to do that OP. As with most things on here, the key is finding those that you match with, not trying to fit around those that don't." As always the voice of reason Totally agree. Be true to yourself. Most of the issues here come from those pretending to be ok with something they’re not, or pretending to fit the wants of someone just to get in their pants. It’s all about finding someone who wants the same thing. I’m exactly the same and I make no apologies for being upfront about what I want. | |||
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"Without trying to sound like a soft twat - i like to treat everylady i meet special, even if her husband is watching. " Or just in case he's watching? Lol | |||
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"Appreciate and respect that everyone’s needs are different, but I thought the whole point of ‘swinging’ was that it was all easy come, easy go. Open and with no hang ups or rules per se - beyond common decency, respecting boundaries and mutual respect. Not judging. Just confused. I suppose there’s a lot more ‘sex whilst waiting to date’ going on than the name of the site would suggest. All good each to their own " There are a lot of self confessed non swingers on the site though. That’s fine, so long as they’re open and honest about what they want | |||
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"There's nothing in the slightest bit selfish about wanting what you want for you - but with that has to come acceptance that others will want what they want for them, and if the two things don't match you have the choice to either walk away or compromise - you can't force what you want on others, not that I am suggesting you're trying to do that OP. As with most things on here, the key is finding those that you match with, not trying to fit around those that don't. As always the voice of reason Totally agree. Be true to yourself. Most of the issues here come from those pretending to be ok with something they’re not, or pretending to fit the wants of someone just to get in their pants. It’s all about finding someone who wants the same thing. I’m exactly the same and I make no apologies for being upfront about what I want. " Exactly this Saff. I’ve always been upfront about what I want and I’ve had the piss taken out of me on here all the time for it! Just be honest and don’t fuck people about! | |||
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"There's nothing in the slightest bit selfish about wanting what you want for you - but with that has to come acceptance that others will want what they want for them, and if the two things don't match you have the choice to either walk away or compromise - you can't force what you want on others, not that I am suggesting you're trying to do that OP. As with most things on here, the key is finding those that you match with, not trying to fit around those that don't. As always the voice of reason Totally agree. Be true to yourself. Most of the issues here come from those pretending to be ok with something they’re not, or pretending to fit the wants of someone just to get in their pants. It’s all about finding someone who wants the same thing. I’m exactly the same and I make no apologies for being upfront about what I want. Exactly this Saff. I’ve always been upfront about what I want and I’ve had the piss taken out of me on here all the time for it! Just be honest and don’t fuck people about! " In that case - can i squeeze your bum? | |||
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"Should a fwb be special or just a number?. So I'm giving up with someone because they have a few fwbs...my hang up not there's...would you prefer someone looking for that 1 or 2 special fwb or just a number? Am I being selfish for wanting someone who thinks I'm special or should I just go with whoever's offering? I want to be special to someone....or is that lame on here for a guy to want? Anyway just musing.....happy Friday x" Personally being one of many does not work for me. But I also give little time to men who want “special” fwb relationships. To me that is wanting your cake and eating it, the perks of being in a relationship but without any of the commitment. It’s either one or the other. Finding the happy medium is the tricky part. | |||
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"There's nothing in the slightest bit selfish about wanting what you want for you - but with that has to come acceptance that others will want what they want for them, and if the two things don't match you have the choice to either walk away or compromise - you can't force what you want on others, not that I am suggesting you're trying to do that OP. As with most things on here, the key is finding those that you match with, not trying to fit around those that don't. As always the voice of reason Totally agree. Be true to yourself. Most of the issues here come from those pretending to be ok with something they’re not, or pretending to fit the wants of someone just to get in their pants. It’s all about finding someone who wants the same thing. I’m exactly the same and I make no apologies for being upfront about what I want. Exactly this Saff. I’ve always been upfront about what I want and I’ve had the piss taken out of me on here all the time for it! Just be honest and don’t fuck people about! In that case - can i squeeze your bum? " Only if you don’t then go and squeeze someone else’s! | |||
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"There's nothing in the slightest bit selfish about wanting what you want for you - but with that has to come acceptance that others will want what they want for them, and if the two things don't match you have the choice to either walk away or compromise - you can't force what you want on others, not that I am suggesting you're trying to do that OP. As with most things on here, the key is finding those that you match with, not trying to fit around those that don't. As always the voice of reason Totally agree. Be true to yourself. Most of the issues here come from those pretending to be ok with something they’re not, or pretending to fit the wants of someone just to get in their pants. It’s all about finding someone who wants the same thing. I’m exactly the same and I make no apologies for being upfront about what I want. Exactly this Saff. I’ve always been upfront about what I want and I’ve had the piss taken out of me on here all the time for it! Just be honest and don’t fuck people about! In that case - can i squeeze your bum? Only if you don’t then go and squeeze someone else’s! " Just my left hand then. | |||
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"Appreciate and respect that everyone’s needs are different, but I thought the whole point of ‘swinging’ was that it was all easy come, easy go. Open and with no hang ups or rules per se - beyond common decency, respecting boundaries and mutual respect. Not judging. Just confused. I suppose there’s a lot more ‘sex whilst waiting to date’ going on than the name of the site would suggest. All good each to their own " The thing is you'll get as many definitions of what "swinging" is as there are members of the site - for some it is the "easy come, easy go" thing you suggest, for others it's sharing sexual experiences with another, for some it's finding a handful of people to have sex with etc etc ad infinitum - no definition is "wrong" as such, just may be different and individual. As I said further up though, the key is finding those that match your own definition, or being willing to compromise to an extent. | |||
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"Personally, If I only wanted to have sex with the one person it would be because I'd fallen for them and being fwb's wouldn't be enough. Does your fwb make you feel special when you're together? Is feeling like a number due to the way they treat you or is it more that you want a relationship and being one of many causes jealousy? There's no right or wrong way of doing things, but it is important to understand why you feel the way you feel." Oh great questions! | |||
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"Should a fwb be special or just a number?. So I'm giving up with someone because they have a few fwbs...my hang up not there's...would you prefer someone looking for that 1 or 2 special fwb or just a number? Am I being selfish for wanting someone who thinks I'm special or should I just go with whoever's offering? I want to be special to someone....or is that lame on here for a guy to want? Anyway just musing.....happy Friday x Isn't that a boyfriend/girlfriend situation? You can be one of many and be special as well. You can bring different play elements to the party. " Exactly that! I also much prefer the term "play partner" than FWB, and get different experience with different people. With some, it could be more social aspect with sex thrown in; with others it could be a couple hours every now and then of intense pleasure for both; then with others yet- a few hours of teasing each other, chatting, kissing, playing, then chatting again. I do hope they all feel special when we're together- well, they do keep coming back so probably. Question to the OP (sorry if it was asked before, I did not read the whole thread): do you just want your FWB to be exclusive to you, or are you prepared to be exclusive to them, too? | |||
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"I used to have 4 Fwbs. All special. One’s been dropped lately because there’s a new fwb for him and he has no time or energy for me lol. The other 3 are all loved but there is a main one (on my videos). They’re all ok with it and know where they stand... my life is amazing with them " Taxi to Redhill please. | |||
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"I used to have 4 Fwbs. All special. One’s been dropped lately because there’s a new fwb for him and he has no time or energy for me lol. The other 3 are all loved but there is a main one (on my videos). They’re all ok with it and know where they stand... my life is amazing with them Taxi to Redhill please. " Haha! Perhaps I should advertise an open fwb vacancy? | |||
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"I used to have 4 Fwbs. All special. One’s been dropped lately because there’s a new fwb for him and he has no time or energy for me lol. The other 3 are all loved but there is a main one (on my videos). They’re all ok with it and know where they stand... my life is amazing with them Taxi to Redhill please. Haha! Perhaps I should advertise an open fwb vacancy? " Damn. I thought I'd already got the spot. | |||
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"Imho you’re just being needy but as I said that’s just my opinion and not a stead fast fact. A friend with benefits is just that really and it does what it says on the tin. Tony Is it needy to want to be special? I'm here for enjoyment as well? Maybe I am needy or fussy? " You are special as that person has chose to spend their time with you and not the 1000's of others on here. I would say you are needy, jealous and clingy and probably on the wrong site. | |||
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"All my FWBs would be special to me, for different reasons. I think you need a certain maturity to deal with that kind of thing. You dont need to be mature to want to be special to someone...if your happy to not be special to all your fwbs then that's your choice and I have my choice x" Not quite what I was getting at. There's a difference between special and exclusive. I have enough love to go round and make the time with them special. If they didn't make me feel special, they wouldn't be a fwb. You need to be mature to handle the fact they have other partners. There's fwb and then there's fuck buddies. Whole other dynamic. | |||
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"Should a fwb be special or just a number?. So I'm giving up with someone because they have a few fwbs...my hang up not there's...would you prefer someone looking for that 1 or 2 special fwb or just a number? Am I being selfish for wanting someone who thinks I'm special or should I just go with whoever's offering? I want to be special to someone....or is that lame on here for a guy to want? Anyway just musing.....happy Friday x" If you want to be ‘special to someone’ OP I would say this probably isn’t the site for you | |||
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"All my FWBs would be special to me, for different reasons. I think you need a certain maturity to deal with that kind of thing. You dont need to be mature to want to be special to someone...if your happy to not be special to all your fwbs then that's your choice and I have my choice x Not quite what I was getting at. There's a difference between special and exclusive. I have enough love to go round and make the time with them special. If they didn't make me feel special, they wouldn't be a fwb. You need to be mature to handle the fact they have other partners. There's fwb and then there's fuck buddies. Whole other dynamic." Nothing to do with being mature. I don’t want someone with other partners. Doesn’t make me immature. | |||
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"All my FWBs would be special to me, for different reasons. I think you need a certain maturity to deal with that kind of thing. You dont need to be mature to want to be special to someone...if your happy to not be special to all your fwbs then that's your choice and I have my choice x Not quite what I was getting at. There's a difference between special and exclusive. I have enough love to go round and make the time with them special. If they didn't make me feel special, they wouldn't be a fwb. You need to be mature to handle the fact they have other partners. There's fwb and then there's fuck buddies. Whole other dynamic. Nothing to do with being mature. I don’t want someone with other partners. Doesn’t make me immature. " Wasn't in reply to you. | |||
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"All my FWBs would be special to me, for different reasons. I think you need a certain maturity to deal with that kind of thing. You dont need to be mature to want to be special to someone...if your happy to not be special to all your fwbs then that's your choice and I have my choice x Not quite what I was getting at. There's a difference between special and exclusive. I have enough love to go round and make the time with them special. If they didn't make me feel special, they wouldn't be a fwb. You need to be mature to handle the fact they have other partners. There's fwb and then there's fuck buddies. Whole other dynamic. Nothing to do with being mature. I don’t want someone with other partners. Doesn’t make me immature. Wasn't in reply to you." That’s irrelevant lol. My reply was to your comment. | |||
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"Imho you’re just being needy but as I said that’s just my opinion and not a stead fast fact. A friend with benefits is just that really and it does what it says on the tin. Tony Is it needy to want to be special? I'm here for enjoyment as well? Maybe I am needy or fussy? You are special as that person has chose to spend their time with you and not the 1000's of others on here. I would say you are needy, jealous and clingy and probably on the wrong site." Unfortunately and thankfully you dont me so to say I'm jealous and clingy is so not me I'm afraid x | |||
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"Should a fwb be special or just a number?. So I'm giving up with someone because they have a few fwbs...my hang up not there's...would you prefer someone looking for that 1 or 2 special fwb or just a number? Am I being selfish for wanting someone who thinks I'm special or should I just go with whoever's offering? I want to be special to someone....or is that lame on here for a guy to want? Anyway just musing.....happy Friday x" I’ve had a few FWB that worked really well I’m not looking for a relationship and not into casual sex with random strangers either I agreed with them from the other outset it was an exclusive FWB scenario … neither meeting anyone else, no relationship, just socials and sex, no emotions on either side. 2 lasted for several years, they’re now on here, we remain friends and keep touch | |||
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"There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel special. My FWB have always been special to me because they are friends first and that relationship matters most, the sex is a bonus. I have an amazing FWB who is very special to me, we aren't the only ones in each others lives but we are important to eachother and we'd never make eachother feel like a number. I can't have more than a couple of FWB's at once because I'm not very good at juggling, my free time is limited and that wouldn't be fair to anyone else. It works for me, everyone is different. Do what works for you OP, there's no right or wrong. " I completely get this. | |||
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