FabSwingers.com forum: Fwb special?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Should a fwb be special or just a number?. So I'm giving up with someone because they have a few fwbs...my hang up not there's...would you prefer someone looking for that 1 or 2 special fwb or just a number? Am I being selfish for wanting someone who thinks I'm special or should I just go with whoever's offering? I want to be special to someone....or is that lame on here for a guy to want? Anyway just musing.....happy Friday x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Imho you’re just being needy but as I said that’s just my opinion and not a stead fast fact.

A friend with benefits is just that really and it does what it says on the tin.

Tony

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

We all want to feel special my friend, and there will be someone out there that is happy with a couple of play partners. However, by letting your hang ups get the better of you, you could actually be missing out on that someone special

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Imho you’re just being needy but as I said that’s just my opinion and not a stead fast fact.

A friend with benefits is just that really and it does what it says on the tin.

Tony"

Is it needy to want to be special? I'm here for enjoyment as well? Maybe I am needy or fussy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one should ever be just a number but the 'special' relationship you are looking for would probably come with an actual relationship. I'm not looking to be exclusive to anyone and don't expect them to be to me.

Wanting to feel 'special' goes a little further than sex, it's towards more feelings. Or it might just be an ego thing, that you feel like you should be enough.

Point is, only be with playmates that make you feel how you need to feel. If it starts to effect your confidence or self-esteem, its probably time to move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Noochie embrace being Special Mr. Number 10.

(and remember you are not a number but a free man

)

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

It’s whatever you want and feel comfortable with. I don’t tend to meet people who meet others because I just don’t want to. I’ve made the extremely rare exception and gone into it with the mindset that it’s a one off/not exclusive and I’ve enjoyed it. Ultimately though I’m not into sharing. I’ve always found what I’m looking for on here, may take a bit longer but it is possible.

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

I would phrase it as seeking exclusivity. You seek a FWB with exclusivity, I seek the same. It's not that I seek to be special, I just want regular availability. I can't get that if someone is juggling different women, home and work life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Imho you’re just being needy but as I said that’s just my opinion and not a stead fast fact.

A friend with benefits is just that really and it does what it says on the tin.

Tony

Is it needy to want to be special? I'm here for enjoyment as well? Maybe I am needy or fussy? "

You are who you are and the trick to enjoyment again imho is to be happy being in your own skin and owning who you are be that needy or fussy warts and all.

*disclaimer* the op may not have warts but it is merely a saying!!

Tony

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I previously had a fwb who very much hated the thought of me meeting others in between seeing him.

At that time I wasn't seeking exclusivity and therefore I wouldn't tell him that I had met my fb's but it felt wrong to not be open and honest with him.

He displayed trust issues with me and progressively over a few meets these became a red flag to me and I walked away from him.

So OP my advice to you is to seek the right play partner that suits your needs. I would say that you seek exclusivity and there are ladies who seek the same, now you just need to find them.

Good luck

NBVN x

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

If it's what you want then it's what you want .. You don't need to justify it to anyone mate ..

But to answer the question 1 or 2 semi regular friends would be all I need ... I certainly wouldn't expect exclusivity and that's totally fine

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I previously had a fwb who very much hated the thought of me meeting others in between seeing him.

At that time I wasn't seeking exclusivity and therefore I wouldn't tell him that I had met my fb's but it felt wrong to not be open and honest with him.

He displayed trust issues with me and progressively over a few meets these became a red flag to me and I walked away from him.

So OP my advice to you is to seek the right play partner that suits your needs. I would say that you seek exclusivity and there are ladies who seek the same, now you just need to find them.

Good luck

NBVN x"

I think your right...I should concentrate on someone seeking the same as me...I'm happy to still be her friend without benefits

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Should a fwb be special or just a number?. So I'm giving up with someone because they have a few fwbs...my hang up not there's...would you prefer someone looking for that 1 or 2 special fwb or just a number? Am I being selfish for wanting someone who thinks I'm special or should I just go with whoever's offering? I want to be special to someone....or is that lame on here for a guy to want? Anyway just musing.....happy Friday x"

Isn't that a boyfriend/girlfriend situation? You can be one of many and be special as well. You can bring different play elements to the party.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s whatever you want. Personally I wouldn’t be interested in someone that had numerous fwb. For me having a fwb is more. If you have numerous I class that as fuck buddies not fwb

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being Fwb means just that, you don't stop your friend having other friends do you?

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Being Fwb means just that, you don't stop your friend having other friends do you?"

It’s not a case of stopping someone! I’d never do that. It’s a case of finding someone who wants the same thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Isn't that a boyfriend/girlfriend situation? You can be one of many and be special as well. You can bring different play elements to the party. "

I get that,like I said it's my hang up not theres,think I was looking for 1 or 2 connections with someone looking for the same,but I'm not gonna stop chatting with her

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It’s whatever you want. Personally I wouldn’t be interested in someone that had numerous fwb. For me having a fwb is more. If you have numerous I class that as fuck buddies not fwb "

I think that's exactly what I mean

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Being Fwb means just that, you don't stop your friend having other friends do you?"

I wouldn't ask her to stop anything....she's a friend first and foremost

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, If I only wanted to have sex with the one person it would be because I'd fallen for them and being fwb's wouldn't be enough. Does your fwb make you feel special when you're together? Is feeling like a number due to the way they treat you or is it more that you want a relationship and being one of many causes jealousy? There's no right or wrong way of doing things, but it is important to understand why you feel the way you feel.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Totally understandable.

There are many ways to make someone feel special, and telling them "no, I can't meet that night coz I'm gonna be balls deep in someone else" doesn't tick that box for me.

I said a couple of days ago, I don't like to feel as though I'm vying for attention, it's tiring and is no good for my confidence and magnifies any insecurities. I wanted people to spend time with me because they chose to, coz I'm awesome, not because they chose to as their other fwbs weren't available.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I previously had a fwb who very much hated the thought of me meeting others in between seeing him.

At that time I wasn't seeking exclusivity and therefore I wouldn't tell him that I had met my fb's but it felt wrong to not be open and honest with him.

He displayed trust issues with me and progressively over a few meets these became a red flag to me and I walked away from him.

So OP my advice to you is to seek the right play partner that suits your needs. I would say that you seek exclusivity and there are ladies who seek the same, now you just need to find them.

Good luck

NBVN x

I think your right...I should concentrate on someone seeking the same as me...I'm happy to still be her friend without benefits "

And that's really nice.

I also have experience of this aspect and this particular guy is now one of my best friends. We weren't meant to be lovers but I would miss his friendship more if I lost that, its been 8 years of BFF's

NBVN x

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

All of my fwb are longtime friends and are equally as special as one another, regardless of the amount of time we get to spend together

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

All my FWBs would be special to me, for different reasons.

I think you need a certain maturity to deal with that kind of thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"All my FWBs would be special to me, for different reasons.

I think you need a certain maturity to deal with that kind of thing."

You dont need to be mature to want to be special to someone...if your happy to not be special to all your fwbs then that's your choice and I have my choice x

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

There's nothing in the slightest bit selfish about wanting what you want for you - but with that has to come acceptance that others will want what they want for them, and if the two things don't match you have the choice to either walk away or compromise - you can't force what you want on others, not that I am suggesting you're trying to do that OP.

As with most things on here, the key is finding those that you match with, not trying to fit around those that don't.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Looking at it from an immediate reactionary viewpoint, I’d say that you’re thinking like a monogamist.

Special and unique aren’t the same thing.

Monogamous culture teaches us that a meaningful relationship can only be had between two people and that for it to be special and important, there can only be one, which can be quite toxic when you think about it.

A person can have many friends, lots of meaningful connections in their lives but one person is expected to be their only source of joy, pleasure, emotional support, comfort and sex?

A person gets from a relationship what they put into it, that can be as intense as you want it to be without it being exclusive.

If a person having multiple partners and connections is an issue for you then perhaps you need to be looking for a monogamous relationship?

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

"There's nothing in the slightest bit selfish about wanting what you want for you - but with that has to come acceptance that others will want what they want for them, and if the two things don't match you have the choice to either walk away or compromise - you can't force what you want on others, not that I am suggesting you're trying to do that OP.

As with most things on here, the key is finding those that you match with, not trying to fit around those that don't."

As always the voice of reason

Totally agree. Be true to yourself. Most of the issues here come from those pretending to be ok with something they’re not, or pretending to fit the wants of someone just to get in their pants. It’s all about finding someone who wants the same thing.

I’m exactly the same and I make no apologies for being upfront about what I want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Appreciate and respect that everyone’s needs are different, but I thought the whole point of ‘swinging’ was that it was all easy come, easy go. Open and with no hang ups or rules per se - beyond common decency, respecting boundaries and mutual respect.

Not judging. Just confused. I suppose there’s a lot more ‘sex whilst waiting to date’ going on than the name of the site would suggest. All good each to their own

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Without trying to sound like a soft twat - i like to treat everylady i meet special, even if her husband is watching.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Without trying to sound like a soft twat - i like to treat everylady i meet special, even if her husband is watching.

Or just in case he's watching? Lol

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Appreciate and respect that everyone’s needs are different, but I thought the whole point of ‘swinging’ was that it was all easy come, easy go. Open and with no hang ups or rules per se - beyond common decency, respecting boundaries and mutual respect.

Not judging. Just confused. I suppose there’s a lot more ‘sex whilst waiting to date’ going on than the name of the site would suggest. All good each to their own

There are a lot of self confessed non swingers on the site though.

That’s fine, so long as they’re open and honest about what they want

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

As with most things on here, the key is finding those that you match with, not trying to fit around those that don't.

As always the voice of reason

I’m exactly the same and I make no apologies for being upfront about what I want.

Exactly this Saff. I’ve always been upfront about what I want and I’ve had the piss taken out of me on here all the time for it! Just be honest and don’t fuck people about!

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

As with most things on here, the key is finding those that you match with, not trying to fit around those that don't.

As always the voice of reason

I’m exactly the same and I make no apologies for being upfront about what I want.

Exactly this Saff. I’ve always been upfront about what I want and I’ve had the piss taken out of me on here all the time for it! Just be honest and don’t fuck people about!

In that case - can i squeeze your bum?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I chose to be fwb with someone, to me, they are special, regardless of how many others I may or may not have

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

Personally being one of many does not work for me.

But I also give little time to men who want “special” fwb relationships. To me that is wanting your cake and eating it, the perks of being in a relationship but without any of the commitment.

It’s either one or the other. Finding the happy medium is the tricky part.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

As with most things on here, the key is finding those that you match with, not trying to fit around those that don't.

As always the voice of reason

I’m exactly the same and I make no apologies for being upfront about what I want.

Exactly this Saff. I’ve always been upfront about what I want and I’ve had the piss taken out of me on here all the time for it! Just be honest and don’t fuck people about!

In that case - can i squeeze your bum?

Only if you don’t then go and squeeze someone else’s!

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

As with most things on here, the key is finding those that you match with, not trying to fit around those that don't.

As always the voice of reason

I’m exactly the same and I make no apologies for being upfront about what I want.

Exactly this Saff. I’ve always been upfront about what I want and I’ve had the piss taken out of me on here all the time for it! Just be honest and don’t fuck people about!

In that case - can i squeeze your bum?

Only if you don’t then go and squeeze someone else’s!

Just my left hand then.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Not judging. Just confused. I suppose there’s a lot more ‘sex whilst waiting to date’ going on than the name of the site would suggest. All good each to their own

The thing is you'll get as many definitions of what "swinging" is as there are members of the site - for some it is the "easy come, easy go" thing you suggest, for others it's sharing sexual experiences with another, for some it's finding a handful of people to have sex with etc etc ad infinitum - no definition is "wrong" as such, just may be different and individual.

As I said further up though, the key is finding those that match your own definition, or being willing to compromise to an extent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I enjoy one-off meets, or occasional repeats with people I've met before, but I do have one main fwb that I see more than anybody else because they're one of my favourite humans.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You do what suits you. It's fine if you want to have your fwb focus on just the two of you, but you have to respect their choice if they want more than you and walk away if it's going to cause an issue.

I wouldn't get involved with someone if they had multiple women on the go as it doesn't sit right with me to do that with someone I'm meeting often for sex.

I understand this is a swinging website, but not all of us are here to share multiple partners and have zero strings attached sex.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"Personally, If I only wanted to have sex with the one person it would be because I'd fallen for them and being fwb's wouldn't be enough. Does your fwb make you feel special when you're together? Is feeling like a number due to the way they treat you or is it more that you want a relationship and being one of many causes jealousy? There's no right or wrong way of doing things, but it is important to understand why you feel the way you feel."

Oh great questions!

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

In the end just be honest with them. What you feel is what you feel so just tell them you want to just be friends. I am sure it won't be a problem.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

You want what you want, nothing wrong with that.

I'm a somewhere inbetween the 2, I don't mind my friends meeting others it can lead to other great things, but I don't want it rubbed in my face.

If someone I met wanted exclusivity I'd see a red flag and walk away because that's not what I want or can offer.

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By *iss DevilWoman
over a year ago

Bedford

Isn't that a boyfriend/girlfriend situation? You can be one of many and be special as well. You can bring different play elements to the party. "

Exactly that! I also much prefer the term "play partner" than FWB, and get different experience with different people. With some, it could be more social aspect with sex thrown in; with others it could be a couple hours every now and then of intense pleasure for both; then with others yet- a few hours of teasing each other, chatting, kissing, playing, then chatting again. I do hope they all feel special when we're together- well, they do keep coming back so probably.

Question to the OP (sorry if it was asked before, I did not read the whole thread): do you just want your FWB to be exclusive to you, or are you prepared to be exclusive to them, too?

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

I used to have 4 Fwbs. All special. One’s been dropped lately because there’s a new fwb for him and he has no time or energy for me lol. The other 3 are all loved but there is a main one (on my videos). They’re all ok with it and know where they stand...

my life is amazing with them

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"I used to have 4 Fwbs. All special. One’s been dropped lately because there’s a new fwb for him and he has no time or energy for me lol. The other 3 are all loved but there is a main one (on my videos). They’re all ok with it and know where they stand...

my life is amazing with them

Taxi to Redhill please.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I have a kind of fwb, although he's more erring towards the buddy end of the range, and I love knowing about his other women.

Hopefully, I'll get to meet one of them with him soon.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

It's not lame for anyone to want to be the only special person in someone's life, but I would expect the whole kit and caboodle from a man if that's what he wanted from me, not just a sex partner who only fucks him.

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By *issAphroditeWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

We can't help how we feel, even if it isn't strictly reasonable. I would never wish to feel like "just" a number but I don't feel the need to be someone's only or first FWB.

I've a couple of friends I've met through here bit I rarely see them as they're not local. I wouldn't dump them if I met someone local as they mean something to me. But they do their thing amdnI do mine and everyone's happy.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Fwbs are special because they are friends first and foremost. Well to me anyhow .And as long as you are both on the same page then there should be no issues.If you feel uncomfortable about them meeting others then you need to decide if it is worth the hassle of getting involved sexually with them.

If you are just a number then it's more of a FB situation .Which is also good fun at times but they are basically just someone who meets you for sex. And while yes you like each other you're not good friends and your whole basis for meeting is just to have sex.

I've had both over the years and I definitely prefer the fwb situation .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel special. My FWB have always been special to me because they are friends first and that relationship matters most, the sex is a bonus. I have an amazing FWB who is very special to me, we aren't the only ones in each others lives but we are important to eachother and we'd never make eachother feel like a number. I can't have more than a couple of FWB's at once because I'm not very good at juggling, my free time is limited and that wouldn't be fair to anyone else. It works for me, everyone is different. Do what works for you OP, there's no right or wrong.

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

my life is amazing with them

Taxi to Redhill please.

Haha! Perhaps I should advertise an open fwb vacancy?

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

my life is amazing with them

Taxi to Redhill please.

Haha! Perhaps I should advertise an open fwb vacancy?

Damn. I thought I'd already got the spot.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

"Imho you’re just being needy but as I said that’s just my opinion and not a stead fast fact.

A friend with benefits is just that really and it does what it says on the tin.

Tony

Is it needy to want to be special? I'm here for enjoyment as well? Maybe I am needy or fussy? "

You are special as that person has chose to spend their time with you and not the 1000's of others on here. I would say you are needy, jealous and clingy and probably on the wrong site.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"All my FWBs would be special to me, for different reasons.

I think you need a certain maturity to deal with that kind of thing.

You dont need to be mature to want to be special to someone...if your happy to not be special to all your fwbs then that's your choice and I have my choice x"

Not quite what I was getting at.

There's a difference between special and exclusive.

I have enough love to go round and make the time with them special. If they didn't make me feel special, they wouldn't be a fwb.

You need to be mature to handle the fact they have other partners.

There's fwb and then there's fuck buddies. Whole other dynamic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

something on fab for every one and every type of relationship ...but me id run a mile even with me being very happy married some guys just want more and there's nothing more to give other than fun n sex..

i do think that if fab dont try and accommodate those looking for dates and more soon by giving them there own section then fab will become a blurred mess i already see it with guys not knowing were the line is even when they are bluntly told

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

If you want to be ‘special to someone’ OP I would say this probably isn’t the site for you

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"All my FWBs would be special to me, for different reasons.

I think you need a certain maturity to deal with that kind of thing.

You dont need to be mature to want to be special to someone...if your happy to not be special to all your fwbs then that's your choice and I have my choice x

Not quite what I was getting at.

There's a difference between special and exclusive.

I have enough love to go round and make the time with them special. If they didn't make me feel special, they wouldn't be a fwb.

You need to be mature to handle the fact they have other partners.

There's fwb and then there's fuck buddies. Whole other dynamic."

Nothing to do with being mature. I don’t want someone with other partners. Doesn’t make me immature.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"All my FWBs would be special to me, for different reasons.

I think you need a certain maturity to deal with that kind of thing.

You dont need to be mature to want to be special to someone...if your happy to not be special to all your fwbs then that's your choice and I have my choice x

Not quite what I was getting at.

There's a difference between special and exclusive.

I have enough love to go round and make the time with them special. If they didn't make me feel special, they wouldn't be a fwb.

You need to be mature to handle the fact they have other partners.

There's fwb and then there's fuck buddies. Whole other dynamic.

Nothing to do with being mature. I don’t want someone with other partners. Doesn’t make me immature. "

Wasn't in reply to you.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"All my FWBs would be special to me, for different reasons.

I think you need a certain maturity to deal with that kind of thing.

You dont need to be mature to want to be special to someone...if your happy to not be special to all your fwbs then that's your choice and I have my choice x

Not quite what I was getting at.

There's a difference between special and exclusive.

I have enough love to go round and make the time with them special. If they didn't make me feel special, they wouldn't be a fwb.

You need to be mature to handle the fact they have other partners.

There's fwb and then there's fuck buddies. Whole other dynamic.

Nothing to do with being mature. I don’t want someone with other partners. Doesn’t make me immature.

Wasn't in reply to you."

That’s irrelevant lol. My reply was to your comment.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

My fwb and I - he's special to me and vice versa, but we're not exclusive and if we found other fwbs we'd be delighted for each other.

But it's about what each of you want and the compromise you come to.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Imho you’re just being needy but as I said that’s just my opinion and not a stead fast fact.

A friend with benefits is just that really and it does what it says on the tin.

Tony

Is it needy to want to be special? I'm here for enjoyment as well? Maybe I am needy or fussy?

You are special as that person has chose to spend their time with you and not the 1000's of others on here. I would say you are needy, jealous and clingy and probably on the wrong site."

Unfortunately and thankfully you dont me so to say I'm jealous and clingy is so not me I'm afraid x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had a few FWB that worked really well

I’m not looking for a relationship and not into casual sex with random strangers either

I agreed with them from the other outset it was an exclusive FWB scenario … neither meeting anyone else, no relationship, just socials and sex, no emotions on either side.

2 lasted for several years, they’re now on here, we remain friends and keep touch

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

You can feel special in a good FWBs relationship. I did.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel special. My FWB have always been special to me because they are friends first and that relationship matters most, the sex is a bonus. I have an amazing FWB who is very special to me, we aren't the only ones in each others lives but we are important to eachother and we'd never make eachother feel like a number. I can't have more than a couple of FWB's at once because I'm not very good at juggling, my free time is limited and that wouldn't be fair to anyone else. It works for me, everyone is different. Do what works for you OP, there's no right or wrong. "

I completely get this.

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