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Am I a dumbass

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Been chatting to a member on here (and on Whatsapp) for over two years, general conversation and the obvious flirts with intentions of meeting (even to her offering to come stay for a weekend).

So just to paint a picture of this all being one sided it hasn't been. We are not 100s of miles away, in fact its 30 miles.

Now, I have noticed recently that her veris have been stacking up and today was a new veri from a guy who lives 40 miles away that she only started chatting to, and met yesterday.

Now...am I a dumbass for pursuing or a dumbass for believing intentions might of been real?

Over to you lot to call me a dumbass

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dumbass.

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

The only one you can clarity from is the person you've been chatting to..

How about suggesting a social. Its her buisness to see who she wants, it doesn't mean youre a dumbass.

Go for it. You're not a dumbass at all. Just be clear youd love to meet and see what comes back.

Otherwise you'll make up stories but never know

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dumbass."

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By *ustathingMan
over a year ago

Reading

What's to say her intentions to meet you aren't real?

Also did you ask her out right if she had only recently started talking to this guy, or assuming it from his Veri?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The only one you can clarity from is the person you've been chatting to..

How about suggesting a social. Its her buisness to see who she wants, it doesn't mean youre a dumbass.

Go for it. You're not a dumbass at all. Just be clear youd love to meet and see what comes back.

Otherwise you'll make up stories but never know "

Tried that, I get the excuse of being "vanilla busy"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What's to say her intentions to meet you aren't real?

Also did you ask her out right if she had only recently started talking to this guy, or assuming it from his Veri?"

Oh he's made it clear in black and white in his veri that chatting and meeting happened same day

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

If you’ve not asked her to meet up then I’d say yes you are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry but after 2 years I’d say she likes chatting to you but doesn’t want to meet!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you’ve not asked her to meet up then I’d say yes you are."

Over two years mate I've asked numerous times...not sure why everyone seems to think I haven't. OK perhaps I missed that off my original post. Apologies

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By *exy4youxxWoman
over a year ago

Pontefract


"What's to say her intentions to meet you aren't real?

Also did you ask her out right if she had only recently started talking to this guy, or assuming it from his Veri?

Oh he's made it clear in black and white in his veri that chatting and meeting happened same day"

So I'm guessing she's going to see this and maybe be a bit annoyed you brought it to forum instead of just asking her if she's intersted in meeting you ... you don't own her just because your chatting and she owes you nothing just because your chatting x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you’ve asked her and she’s palmed you off, then it’s time to move on, no one likes to be second best.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Dont out people on the forum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The only one you can clarity from is the person you've been chatting to..

How about suggesting a social. Its her buisness to see who she wants, it doesn't mean youre a dumbass.

Go for it. You're not a dumbass at all. Just be clear youd love to meet and see what comes back.

Otherwise you'll make up stories but never know

Tried that, I get the excuse of being "vanilla busy""

Doesn’t look like it’s going to happen then, unfortunately.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sorry but after 2 years I’d say she likes chatting to you but doesn’t want to meet! "

They why not be honest about it instead of weaving excuses?

Thank you

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

Maybe your in the friend zone

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dont out people on the forum "

I havent

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Maybe your in the friend zone "

You think ?!

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By *ustathingMan
over a year ago

Reading

[Removed by poster at 22/06/21 18:28:02]

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

It's like your watching her

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Ask her out

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By *ustathingMan
over a year ago

Reading


"What's to say her intentions to meet you aren't real?

Also did you ask her out right if she had only recently started talking to this guy, or assuming it from his Veri?

Oh he's made it clear in black and white in his veri that chatting and meeting happened same day"

Well I think that makes it a little easier to swallow tbf. We've all had spur of the moment meets right?!

I have a FWB who's 40 odd miles away, and unless one of us actually says 'Right, let's make this happen!' and books a hotel, or sets a day aside etc to actually meet we don't ever get anything sorted!

I'd ask her one last time, say let's make it happen, and if she doesn't reciprocate then I'd accept it probably won't happen...

Don't beat yourself up about it though!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that but you snooze you loose , perhaps the new fella went straight in for the kill & you were too polite and laid back . Yep you can’t do right for doing wrong a life’s story fella .

All the best though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you asked her to meet?

What do you gain from your friendship?

If it's a meet you want, then yes you're a dumbass. If it's just an online friendship then no, you're not.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Have you asked her to meet?

What do you gain from your friendship?

If it's a meet you want, then yes you're a dumbass. If it's just an online friendship then no, you're not."

Yes I asked numerous times and she wasn't exactly refusing just never committed to agreeing when

Dumbass gets

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

maybe she thinks she has to much of a friendship with you to want to meet you, some people prefere to meet strangers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/06/21 18:40:58]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are free meet who they like when they like that’s the whole thing about this place

Have you asked her for a social or anything if she’s not fobed you off for someone else by saying I not free bla bla bla but then meeting someone then she’s really done no wrong

And ur post comes across and quite posseive and jellos to be honest with you

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay


"If you’ve not asked her to meet up then I’d say yes you are.

Over two years mate I've asked numerous times...not sure why everyone seems to think I haven't. OK perhaps I missed that off my original post. Apologies"

OP.. With this information I say Move on. For some reason she doesn't feel comfortable or able to say 'thanks but no thanks'.

You may never know the reason. She even may never know the reason. It's Disappointing I'm sure.. Maybe even a little bit ouchy.. but it doesn't sound promising.

Maybe take it into your own hands and send a message saying something along the lines of.. you've no confidence in her wanting to meet so you're letting it go. Byeeee.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

If you've asked op and it isn't happening, sorry but I don't think she wants to meet you.

I'd stop engaging with her, nobidy is that busy and can still fit in meets with others.

Don't let her treat you as an option.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you’ve not asked her to meet up then I’d say yes you are.

Over two years mate I've asked numerous times...not sure why everyone seems to think I haven't. OK perhaps I missed that off my original post. Apologies

OP.. With this information I say Move on. For some reason she doesn't feel comfortable or able to say 'thanks but no thanks'.

You may never know the reason. She even may never know the reason. It's Disappointing I'm sure.. Maybe even a little bit ouchy.. but it doesn't sound promising.

Maybe take it into your own hands and send a message saying something along the lines of.. you've no confidence in her wanting to meet so you're letting it go. Byeeee.

"

Already have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm going with dumbass, sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have people I chat to on here without any sexual thoughts. But she may also think you're minging and just be too polite. Either way, good cry for help, Bravo!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You also only joined 3 weeks ago

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham


"Also did you ask her out right if she had only recently started talking to this guy, or assuming it from his Veri?"

That’ll make her want to keep chatting

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas


"Maybe your in the friend zone "

Ohhh hate when that happens

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You also only joined 3 weeks ago "

I've been a member on and off for 5 years!!!

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By *innocentMan
over a year ago

Littlehampton

Very creepy controlling behaviour, spying on the females desires to have a nice time, which has nothing to do OP.

Why men get so butthurt about someone not meeting up with them is beyond me.

Maybe after 2 years this fella would get the hint that he is the definition of friendzone.

Move on old chap, not worth even thinking about.

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By * F 2018Couple
over a year ago

shropshire

We had been chatting to a guy for 2yr or more, arranged to finally meet etc etc and nothing disappeared ....cold feet maybe lol so know how you feel op

Fox

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Very creepy controlling behaviour, spying on the females desires to have a nice time, which has nothing to do OP.

Why men get so butthurt about someone not meeting up with them is beyond me.

Maybe after 2 years this fella would get the hint that he is the definition of friendzone.

Move on old chap, not worth even thinking about. "

Already have

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very creepy controlling behaviour, spying on the females desires to have a nice time, which has nothing to do OP.

Why men get so butthurt about someone not meeting up with them is beyond me.

Maybe after 2 years this fella would get the hint that he is the definition of friendzone.

Move on old chap, not worth even thinking about. "

I think creepy and controlling is a bit harsh.

If you have had enough OP I would ask outright if she wants to meet if you can't get a date then time to move on maybe and look elsewhere

Good luck

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay


"If you’ve not asked her to meet up then I’d say yes you are.

Over two years mate I've asked numerous times...not sure why everyone seems to think I haven't. OK perhaps I missed that off my original post. Apologies

OP.. With this information I say Move on. For some reason she doesn't feel comfortable or able to say 'thanks but no thanks'.

You may never know the reason. She even may never know the reason. It's Disappointing I'm sure.. Maybe even a little bit ouchy.. but it doesn't sound promising.

Maybe take it into your own hands and send a message saying something along the lines of.. you've no confidence in her wanting to meet so you're letting it go. Byeeee.

Already have "

Brilliant.

Case closed.

Thread closed?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you’ve not asked her to meet up then I’d say yes you are.

Over two years mate I've asked numerous times...not sure why everyone seems to think I haven't. OK perhaps I missed that off my original post. Apologies

OP.. With this information I say Move on. For some reason she doesn't feel comfortable or able to say 'thanks but no thanks'.

You may never know the reason. She even may never know the reason. It's Disappointing I'm sure.. Maybe even a little bit ouchy.. but it doesn't sound promising.

Maybe take it into your own hands and send a message saying something along the lines of.. you've no confidence in her wanting to meet so you're letting it go. Byeeee.

Already have

Brilliant.

Case closed.

Thread closed?

"

Very much in both cases

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very creepy controlling behaviour, spying on the females desires to have a nice time, which has nothing to do OP.

Why men get so butthurt about someone not meeting up with them is beyond me.

Maybe after 2 years this fella would get the hint that he is the definition of friendzone.

Move on old chap, not worth even thinking about.

Already have "

What did she say?

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By *ediMan
over a year ago

Leeds

She's formed a sort of friendship with you your filling her gaps in a different way, no pun intended

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Very creepy controlling behaviour, spying on the females desires to have a nice time, which has nothing to do OP.

Why men get so butthurt about someone not meeting up with them is beyond me.

Maybe after 2 years this fella would get the hint that he is the definition of friendzone.

Move on old chap, not worth even thinking about.

Already have

What did she say? "

Nooooo, it was a to "move on"

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"Very creepy controlling behaviour, spying on the females desires to have a nice time, which has nothing to do OP.

Why men get so butthurt about someone not meeting up with them is beyond me.

Maybe after 2 years this fella would get the hint that he is the definition of friendzone.

Move on old chap, not worth even thinking about. "

How’s it creepy and controlling? Veris come up on updates.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

I'd probably cut your losses, that said I've not long met someone off fab who I'd been talking to for well over a year for the first time as we'd never have the free time at the same time so who knows

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Very creepy controlling behaviour, spying on the females desires to have a nice time, which has nothing to do OP.

Why men get so butthurt about someone not meeting up with them is beyond me.

Maybe after 2 years this fella would get the hint that he is the definition of friendzone.

Move on old chap, not worth even thinking about.

How’s it creepy and controlling? Veris come up on updates. "

Leave it Nora, it's OK, we're all allowed an opinion with out recourse on anything I post. I'm not offended, so all good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Very creepy controlling behaviour, spying on the females desires to have a nice time, which has nothing to do OP.

Why men get so butthurt about someone not meeting up with them is beyond me.

Maybe after 2 years this fella would get the hint that he is the definition of friendzone.

Move on old chap, not worth even thinking about.

Already have

What did she say?

Nooooo, it was a to "move on" "

She could have told you that 2 years ago instead of keeping you hanging on.

Chin up.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Very creepy controlling behaviour, spying on the females desires to have a nice time, which has nothing to do OP.

Why men get so butthurt about someone not meeting up with them is beyond me.

Maybe after 2 years this fella would get the hint that he is the definition of friendzone.

Move on old chap, not worth even thinking about.

Already have

What did she say?

Nooooo, it was a to "move on"

She could have told you that 2 years ago instead of keeping you hanging on.

Chin up. "

Chin wasn't ever down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"maybe she thinks she has to much of a friendship with you to want to meet you, some people prefere to meet strangers"

I agree on this, you could be in the friend zone. She really enjoys chatting to you, and values you in that way. It's possible that she may think if you had a fab meet and things got sexual it could ruin that friendship. You will never know unless you ask her though.

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