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"what the block buttons for. use it" If it hadn't been accompanied by some rather nasty mails when I politely refused his offer I wouldn't have been bothered by it in the least, may even have seen the funny side - and unfortunately block has been used cause he wouldn't sod off lol x | |||
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10 Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. | |||
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"another oldie
10 Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine."Brilliant! Gonna pinch this for when she starts dating heehee  | |||
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You know he has printed this out and is studying it as I type?? 
If you hear of a shooting in Fife dont worry its just him practicing for the next few years 
Shona
x x x | |||
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"Debutante dont give my hubby ideas lol I have an 11 year old daughter!!
You know he has printed this out and is studying it as I type??
If you hear of a shooting in Fife dont worry its just him practicing for the next few years
Shona
x x x "hahaha My house mate going to think i going mad as i sitting up here with ear phones on and i just belly laughed at you Shona xxxx | |||
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Strangely its ok in fact expected of me to wear the short skirts shame the kid has better legs
Shona
x x x | |||
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"Debz hun its true he is already measuring the length of her skirts to make sure the are regulation length!!
Strangely its ok in fact expected of me to wear the short skirts shame the kid has better legs
Shona
x x x "My little sis just finished school - was strict as was Catholic school, and they had regulation length skirts, But the girls all just rolled em up so it looked like they had big donuts round their waists, lol. She came home one day and i asked "how short is your skirt" Both of em laughed and me and called me an OLD BIDDY!!!!! At 35 FFS!!! lol xx | |||
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"My little sis just finished school - was strict as was Catholic school, and they had regulation length skirts, But the girls all just rolled em up so it looked like they had big donuts round their waists, lol. She came home one day and i asked "how short is your skirt" Both of em laughed and me and called me an OLD BIDDY!!!!! At 35 FFS!!! lol xx" LOL I remember those days rolling up skirts and not caring how big your belly looked . . . . . ooopppps dont mind me I was daydreaming about how good them days were
35 hun think yourself lucky Im only 30 and according to my 11 year old corsets are illegal!!
She actually told me I was NEVER to wear on out in public then changed her mind and said I was never to wear one EVER EVER EVER And also all sex is illegal . . . mwahhh mwahhh just wait til she hits her teenage years
Shona
x x x | |||
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"My little sis just finished school - was strict as was Catholic school, and they had regulation length skirts, But the girls all just rolled em up so it looked like they had big donuts round their waists, lol. She came home one day and i asked "how short is your skirt" Both of em laughed and me and called me an OLD BIDDY!!!!! At 35 FFS!!! lol xx LOL I remember those days rolling up skirts and not caring how big your belly looked . . . . . ooopppps dont mind me I was daydreaming about how good them days were
35 hun think yourself lucky Im only 30 and according to my 11 year old corsets are illegal!!
She actually told me I was NEVER to wear on out in public then changed her mind and said I was never to wear one EVER EVER EVER And also all sex is illegal . . . mwahhh mwahhh just wait til she hits her teenage years
Shona
x x x "oh to be 11 again!!!! lol Dont think i could go thru all that again now tho, far too much fun to be had once you realise you DONT know everything and there is LOTS to learn, hehehe xx | |||
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I was never sure which one insulted me most... the daughter who burst into tears or the son who fell about laughing  | |||
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When I turn 40 my youngest will be 16 so I better not be preggers lol not for me ta very much . . . . mind you just to see the look on said 11 year olds face cos she will be 20 by then I will write that down somewhere and try to remember it for just after I make my way home (or kick everyone out) after the huge 40th party - I didnt get one for my 30th this year cos I was recovering from an operation so I intend to make up for it in 10 years time
Debs not for all the money in the world would I want to be my kids ages again no thank you nope never want to go thru all that again lol I like my life the way it is now tyvm
I like that I can have fun and not answer to my mum anymore having to sneak around and hide naked boyfriends not my thing anymore
Mind you when the kids wander in it is funny trying to grab covers from under hubbys bum and cover bits that little girls should never see of their mum does make hubby wet himself!! fecker
Shona
x x x | |||
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Mind you last time she did the lovely youngest decided to empty the entire spray thingy of bathroom air freshener in one go the whole house stunk for weeks now they hide the thing as soon as they know she is on the way down
You know what they say about grandkids tho:
They are gods reward for not killing your own during puberty!!
Shona
x x x | |||
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"You know what they say about grandkids tho: They are gods reward for not killing your own during puberty!!
Shona
x x x "PMSL!
I'll never know the joys of having kids, and I don't care! | |||
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but give me my cat anyday of the week and twice on sundays lol soo much easier to housetrain
Debs I have finished having mine I aint going to have anymore kids 2 girls are quite enough thank you
There is 5 years between my kids and omg you would think the 11 year old is going on 20 not 12 - she has more boyfriends than me mind you mine are allowed to stay overnight and hers aint and the youngest aint that far behind . . . lol I went to her first parents night to be told by the class teacher that I really needed to have a little word cos she was sitting during story time holding hands with a little boy in the class!! like mother like daughter
Shona
x x x | |||
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"Jo cats and dogs are the same as kids a bit if you can deal with the toilet training it does get easier - or so people tell me but give me my cat anyday of the week and twice on sundays lol soo much easier to housetrain
Debs I have finished having mine I aint going to have anymore kids 2 girls are quite enough thank you
There is 5 years between my kids and omg you would think the 11 year old is going on 20 not 12 - she has more boyfriends than me mind you mine are allowed to stay overnight and hers aint and the youngest aint that far behind . . . lol I went to her first parents night to be told by the class teacher that I really needed to have a little word cos she was sitting during story time holding hands with a little boy in the class!! like mother like daughter
Shona
x x x "yep - sounds like you have your hands full there missus!! Thats when i can relenquish responsibility of my sister back to her mum, pmsl :D | |||
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Shona
x x x | |||
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