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Being in charge

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

For the more dominant of you:

When she/he lets the brat out, misbehaves to get punished, tries to top from the bottom how do you show you’re in charge ?

Would you go as far as denying your own pleasure to make a point?

Do you have enough self control to show you are in control of her/him?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Can't comment from a Dominants perspective but being bratty doesn't necessarily mean they are trying to top from the bottom.

Sometimes it's because they are upset or overwhelmed. Think it's important for a dominant to be able to distinguish between the two, even though it may be difficult.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I am in charge in a particularly dominant role I deny my own pleasure. I channel everything into creating the ultimate experience for the other person or couple and I get my gratification when alone with my boyfriend later. The role that I portray at that time does not show or share my own sexual needs.

NBVN x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Can't comment from a Dominants perspective but being bratty doesn't necessarily mean they are trying to top from the bottom.

Sometimes it's because they are upset or overwhelmed. Think it's important for a dominant to be able to distinguish between the two, even though it may be difficult.

"

I agree. But I was asking specifically about this situation when it’s done on purpose.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When I am in charge in a particularly dominant role I deny my own pleasure. I channel everything into creating the ultimate experience for the other person or couple and I get my gratification when alone with my boyfriend later. The role that I portray at that time does not show or share my own sexual needs.

NBVN x

"

Do you use coercitive measures to affirm your control when in a dominant situation ? And if yes, are there examples you could share?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Can't comment from a Dominants perspective but being bratty doesn't necessarily mean they are trying to top from the bottom.

Sometimes it's because they are upset or overwhelmed. Think it's important for a dominant to be able to distinguish between the two, even though it may be difficult.

I agree. But I was asking specifically about this situation when it’s done on purpose."

If it was done on purpose then I know I wouldn't get what I wanted or expected. And in all honesty I wouldn't want to either. I want a battle of wills and ultimately loose.

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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago

Cardiff

Sorry, I know you asked for input from dominant people, which I am not, but I would say that you must remain emotionally superior.

If you feel frustrated, don't show it. Pick up on good behaviour and reward it. I guess it's like you'd train a dog.

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By *as_no_ideaCouple
over a year ago

......

It depends on the situation...

Sometimes, it can be a simple thing as a "look" indicating they have pushing things too far,

Sometimes, I have let a sub carry on being bratty, only to think of something when they have forgotten.

I remember being out with likeminded friends and a sub was thinking he was being clever with a pool cue.. I just smiled and watched until he had finished.. then calmly stated that if he liked the pool cue so much.. he will hold it for the rest if the evening.. it was quite entertaining watching him buy drinks at the bar, rolling cigarettes one handed... and also taking it to the bathroom with him....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When I am in charge in a particularly dominant role I deny my own pleasure. I channel everything into creating the ultimate experience for the other person or couple and I get my gratification when alone with my boyfriend later. The role that I portray at that time does not show or share my own sexual needs.

NBVN x

Do you use coercitive measures to affirm your control when in a dominant situation ? And if yes, are there examples you could share?"

As in intimidation or force?... no I don't. If you mean by means of restraint? ... yes I do. Caveat this with safe words, consent with boundaries all agreed beforehand etc.

I have found that my silence and long pauses of stillness with me looking at them without even expressing disappointment usually brings the room back into order.

NBVN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bookmarking.

PW

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Edging and pain.

D/s dynamics assume their own characteristics dependant on the people I find, but quite often I can assert myself with a whispered word, and even just punishment preparation.

Tying him / her up and forcing them to watch as you lay out your punishment Instruments whilst you look directly into their eyes.

Stern looks, the sound of leather shoes walking slowly and deliberately across a hard floor can build tension and depending on what they’ve done, not allowing them to see what you’re going to use, just prior to using them.

As always, play with her mind and senses when you are asserting as well as when you’re seducing. Find a scent or colour you can wear when asserting, the use of black leather gloves maybe, a particular ‘punishment collar’ for them maybe?

Psychologists say that loud noises (hand claps are used by teachers) are shown to bring focus to a distracted mind. A loud noise, followed by silence followed by the close-by sound of your whispered displeasure whilst tied will bring their attention in close to what is about to happen to them.

Play with their senses, greater than just their sense of pain if you can, look to associate the reassertion of your position with consistency across as many senses as possible and don’t change. I’m quite strict when rules are set and I find it helps not to budge. I always think that if you’re going to be strict, remain strict each time.

I’m sorry if that comes across condescending, I don’t meant it to. Those are just some thoughts I’ve blurted out on this post. Obviously mine is just one point of view and there are lots of others with good things to suggest / say too.

E

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sorry, I know you asked for input from dominant people, which I am not, but I would say that you must remain emotionally superior.

If you feel frustrated, don't show it. Pick up on good behaviour and reward it. I guess it's like you'd train a dog."

It’s cool. All opinions/experiences welcome.

And yes, not showing your frustration works well. If they are trying to get a specific reaction from you, go the opposite way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Edging and pain.

D/s dynamics assume their own characteristics dependant on the people I find, but quite often I can assert myself with a whispered word, and even just punishment preparation.

Tying him / her up and forcing them to watch as you lay out your punishment Instruments whilst you look directly into their eyes.

Stern looks, the sound of leather shoes walking slowly and deliberately across a hard floor can build tension and depending on what they’ve done, not allowing them to see what you’re going to use, just prior to using them.

As always, play with her mind and senses when you are asserting as well as when you’re seducing. Find a scent or colour you can wear when asserting, the use of black leather gloves maybe, a particular ‘punishment collar’ for them maybe?

Psychologists say that loud noises (hand claps are used by teachers) are shown to bring focus to a distracted mind. A loud noise, followed by silence followed by the close-by sound of your whispered displeasure whilst tied will bring their attention in close to what is about to happen to them.

Play with their senses, greater than just their sense of pain if you can, look to associate the reassertion of your position with consistency across as many senses as possible and don’t change. I’m quite strict when rules are set and I find it helps not to budge. I always think that if you’re going to be strict, remain strict each time.

I’m sorry if that comes across condescending, I don’t meant it to. Those are just some thoughts I’ve blurted out on this post. Obviously mine is just one point of view and there are lots of others with good things to suggest / say too.

E "

That’s cool, no worries.

I didn’t ask these questions as a way to look for advice but more to share experiences. See how others do it. But if there are good tricks to pick up in the process, why not.

And I completely agree with the mind games. You see, I know she will read all of this and that could well have been another motivation to open the thread

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"For the more dominant of you:

When she/he lets the brat out, misbehaves to get punished, tries to top from the bottom how do you show you’re in charge ?

Would you go as far as denying your own pleasure to make a point?

Do you have enough self control to show you are in control of her/him? "

Punishment is a corrective mechanism, so why would it deny my own pleasure?

No one should like being punished or dishing it out, otherwise you are using the wrong punishment. Punishment is not funishment.

She wouldn’t get punished for bratting, and she wont misbehave to get punished as she knows the punishment will not be enjoyable.

Topping from the bottom would not be grounds for punishment either, as that would likely be a communication issue.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For the more dominant of you:

When she/he lets the brat out, misbehaves to get punished, tries to top from the bottom how do you show you’re in charge ?

Would you go as far as denying your own pleasure to make a point?

Do you have enough self control to show you are in control of her/him?

Punishment is a corrective mechanism, so why would it deny my own pleasure?

No one should like being punished or dishing it out, otherwise you are using the wrong punishment. Punishment is not funishment.

She wouldn’t get punished for bratting, and she wont misbehave to get punished as she knows the punishment will not be enjoyable.

Topping from the bottom would not be grounds for punishment either, as that would likely be a communication issue."

Let me add a little context. A friend was telling me how for a first, long anticipated, post Covid meet with a Dom she sees regularly she was very much looking forward to a spanking and a good fuck.

But she turned up late, a whole hour late and got stroppy because he punished her for it.

As further punishment for her stroppiness he decided to completely deny her his cock.

I thought that was quite remarkable. He denied himself the pleasure of fucking her in order to assert his control and make his point.

It made me wonder if I could do the same.

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