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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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WELSH FRICTION
The Scene:
John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson sitting in car talking. (Pulp Fiction
music fades off...)
S: OK, so tell me again about the Welsh.
J: Whaddya wanna know?
S: Bestiality is legal there, right?
J: Yeah, it's legal, but it ain't a 100% legal. I mean you can't just walk
into a field, pick up a sheep and start pumpin' away. They want you to f*ck
sheep in your home or certain designated places.
S: And those are valleys?
J: OK, it breaks down like this: it's legal to buy a sheep, it's legal to
own a sheep, and if you're a farmer it's legal to sell or loan sheep, it's
ILLEGAL to f*ck sheep in public but...but...but that doesn't matter 'cos,
getta loada this, the police in Wales are too stupid to notice you've got a
sheep hanging off your dick. I mean that's one intellect the police in Wales
DON'T have.
S: Aw man. I'm not goin', that's all there is to it, I'm never f*ckin'
goin'.
J: Nah man, you'd hate it the most. But do you know what the funniest thing
about Wales is?
S: What?
J: It's the little differences, I mean they got the same kinda people over
there as we got here, but there they're a little different.
S: Example.
J: OK. You can walk into a movie theatre in Cardiff and order a measure of
, and I'm not talkin' about no white nose dust, I'm talkin' about a LUMP
of coal. And in Swansea you can buy coal in MacDonald's. Do you know what
they call a 1/4 pounder with cheese in Wales?
S: They don't call it a 1/4 pounder with cheese?
J: Nah man, they don't have fractions, they wouldn't know what the f*ck a
1/4 pounder is.
S: So whadda they call it?
J: (assumes Welsh accent) A "Ham and Cheese Sandwhichchchch".
S: A Ham and Cheese Sandwichchchchch?
J: That's right.
S: And whadda they call a Big Mac?
J: A Big Mac's a Big Mac, but there they call it a Bich Machch (accent
again).
S: (imitating accent badly) A Bichch Machchchchchchch?
(Both men laugh)
S: Whadda they call a Whopper?
J: I don't know, I didn't go outside. Do you know what they put on French
Fries in Swansea instead of ketchup?
S: What?
J: Coal.
S: Aw man... J: I've seen 'em do it man, they f*ckin' drown 'em in that
sh*t.
(cue music and fade...) |