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Is ignorance really bliss?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Everyone has opinions on things, free speech, right to offend, words don’t hurt etc. Sometimes though its better to just close your mouth!

I know people can say ignore it, but once said, its out there, never to be taken back. Worse is when someone makes a comment about a part of your physical appearance you cannot change.

Is it better to tell someone (who didn't fucking ask!) you don’t like something about their appearance or close your damn pie hole and let people live…..

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Why would people just tell others things they don't like? To what end?

I heard recently about a 5 second rule. If its soemthing that the person cannot fix within 5 seconds of you saying it, don't mention it.

Spinach in your teeth..... 5 second fix

Big nose.... Not a 5 second fix

Smudged make up...... 5 second fix

Fat..... Not a 5 second fix

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I see no reason to offend people for no reason or to point out what I may consider a negative as that's not true for everyone. What I may find attractive or funny others may not so keeping unwanted negativity to yourself seems the best option.

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

Usually a case of people in glass houses..

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I actually wonder (genuinely wonder) what gives people the right to comment on my (or anybody's) appearance.

I really do not believe we have the right to criticise and I politely but assertively turn the question round by saying "How is it important to you what I look like"?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Also. What is right to offend?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/06/21 12:10:44]

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

a) it’s better to walk away and save grace on both your part and theirs

b) as was commented yesterday - starting threads about those contentious subjects/topics usually results in someone being offended and a riot starts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Also. What is right to offend? "

Right to offend has come up through religion. Roughly it would be 'I should be able to critiscise or make fun of (for example) any religion even if it offends you.'

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"Also. What is right to offend?

Right to offend has come up through religion. Roughly it would be 'I should be able to critiscise or make fun of (for example) any religion even if it offends you.'"

Ah so kind of along the lines of the Charlie hebdo thing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Also. What is right to offend?

Right to offend has come up through religion. Roughly it would be 'I should be able to critiscise or make fun of (for example) any religion even if it offends you.'

Ah so kind of along the lines of the Charlie hebdo thing? "

Along those lines

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never and will never understand how people think it's acceptable to comment on someone's appearance, weight or anything else that personal.

We will always focus on the bad parts of ourselves, it's human nature. But when someone adds to that the effect on your confidence can be devastating.

People will always remember the negative and never the postive, so anyone who thinks it's okay to drag someone down keep your mouth shut. It will make you feel better for a few minutes but hurt someone for a lifetime

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By *lym4realCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

Seems everyone gets "Offended" or so it's portrayed in the press or other numerous insults that they now throw around ? and our rule of thumb is if doesn't affect us ..why comment ?? some things we find offensive and we choose to give the kind of people who are or make "Offensive" ( to us) statements a very very wide berth

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I have never and will never understand how people think it's acceptable to comment on someone's appearance, weight or anything else that personal.

We will always focus on the bad parts of ourselves, it's human nature. But when someone adds to that the effect on your confidence can be devastating.

People will always remember the negative and never the postive, so anyone who thinks it's okay to drag someone down keep your mouth shut. It will make you feel better for a few minutes but hurt someone for a lifetime "

Exactly. And I cannot fathom the motive behind wanting to comment on somebody's appearance unless it is something positive and I want to make them feel better which in turn might make me feel better. But even that has to be done with caution because what I might consider a compliment, may well not be a compliment to them.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

It can be, but I think ultimately knowledge is better for us.

Jo.Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless you are a medical professional or someone you've gone to advice on your appearance then it's no one's business.

If I've got, for example, a big nose (just to clarify I haven't. Have I? ) then I wouldn't need it pointing out.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

The vast majority of the time it's not about what was said, it's about how it was said, in what context it was said and the way in which the words are used to form what they said.

It is possible to word even the most offensive thing in a way that may still be offensive but invites discussion instead of as an insult or an attack.

So many people would rather say what they feel, and only that. Ignoring consequences or impact.

People should be told the truth, and while sometimes it is needed in situations, you can still soften the blow just with the way you phrase and word things. It makes a world of difference to the outcome... Unless who you say it to is just looking to be offended regardless what you say. That is an issue in and of itself.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Because they are just ignorant twats x

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"The vast majority of the time it's not about what was said, it's about how it was said, in what context it was said and the way in which the words are used to form what they said.

It is possible to word even the most offensive thing in a way that may still be offensive but invites discussion instead of as an insult or an attack.

So many people would rather say what they feel, and only that. Ignoring consequences or impact.

People should be told the truth, and while sometimes it is needed in situations, you can still soften the blow just with the way you phrase and word things. It makes a world of difference to the outcome... Unless who you say it to is just looking to be offended regardless what you say. That is an issue in and of itself. "

While I agree that the tone makes the music, so to speak, I (respectfully) disagree people needing to be told about things to do with their appearance.

Criticise my work by all means, my cooking, my gardening, my dancing... in short my skills if you feel the need to, but nobody has the right to comment on my appearance.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

So someone has terrible b.o. and has a job interview coming up where personal freshness would be important for the role. Tell them or keep quiet?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Oh... that's not appearance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no qualms with opinions/beliefs everyone has them and has the right to express them.

Im thick skinned and dont care if someone trys to offend me, it wont work as i dont really get offended and generally just ignore them.

What i dislike with a passion and wont ignore is those negative, vindictive narcissistic types who put people down and upset people at any available opportunity be it through sly remarks or remarks with a not so hidden alternate motive. Theres no need whatsoever to be like that its a disgusting trait that upsets others that may not have thick skin, or have hangups about them selves.

Be nice people, it costs nothing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Also. What is right to offend? "

It is a belief in one’s self-importance being greater than a sympathy for others’ sense of belonging. I jest, of course but something along those lines.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I actually wonder (genuinely wonder) what gives people the right to comment on my (or anybody's) appearance.

I really do not believe we have the right to criticise and I politely but assertively turn the question round by saying "How is it important to you what I look like"? "

Been wondering the same. Compliments are ok maybe. But can misconstrued so maybe not.

My perception on these things is skewed. If someone says something negative about my appearance that's their opinion and they can have an opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve learnt not to give advice unless someone specifically asks for it. Even if I see the bigger picture and would love to be part of someone’s journey and celebrate with them at the end it’s better to just say nothing.

I grew up with a step father that was on steroids who had a very volatile temper. Even as a child I had a sense of knowing when something was gonna kick off even hours before it happened.

I can tell when someone is portraying one emotion but masking what they are really feeling and when I say things it’s because I want them to be their best selves. It comes out as being blunt or harsh but it’s not my intention to upset anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I actually wonder (genuinely wonder) what gives people the right to comment on my (or anybody's) appearance.

I really do not believe we have the right to criticise and I politely but assertively turn the question round by saying "How is it important to you what I look like"?

Been wondering the same. Compliments are ok maybe. But can misconstrued so maybe not.

My perception on these things is skewed. If someone says something negative about my appearance that's their opinion and they can have an opinion. "

But an insult is just that, an insult. Like if my friend tried on an outfit that didn’t suit her and she showed me I’d say yeah that looks shit mate try that on instead and she will and she comes out all excited then instead. I’d expect other people to do the same for me.

Ive recently got my best friend from 12 stone 3 down to 9 stone 7 and she’s buzzing around the place ordering new clothes all the time, saying how easy it is now for her to find stuff to wear every day and that came about by her moaning all the time and saying how unhappy she was to the point where I was like right let’s fucking do something about it then. Yeah I was harsh to her but she can’t stop thanking me now.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

As thumpers mum in bambie said if u have nothing nice to say best say nothing at all x

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

The older I get the less shit I have to take or care about. Like me or hate me, that’s your issue I still value myself and aware of my strength and weaknesses.

This site does make me laugh though, too many people taking it too seriously. But as a member of a couple of other forums (running and bikers) it’s a common theme on all of them.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"So someone has terrible b.o. and has a job interview coming up where personal freshness would be important for the role. Tell them or keep quiet?"

That is an interesting one.

I have a long standing friend, known since school days and she does have a BO problem, and not for lack of personal hygiene I might add.

I thought long and hard about how to tell her with minimal impact on her self esteem and pride. Also, as it was not about her appearance so I felt I was doing her a favour by mentioning it.

I started the conversation by saying how much I appreciated our friendship and how much I loved the fact we could be honest and open towards one another (We always have been since nursery days) and that I wanted to say something personal which might sound offensive but came from a place of well-meaning (She actually did have an interview lined up!)

She acknowledged this and I proceeded to say I had recently noticed that her deodorant did not seem to work as well as it had done and whether she would consider changing it. She asked me directly if I thought she had BO and I said that yes, I had noticed that. I made no excuses on her behalf like "oh it has been really hot" etc. I just calmly kindly answered the question.

She thanked me and said she not only valued the practicality of what I had said but also the enormous trust between us to be able to say things like that.

Needless to say, we are still best mates. Love her to bits.

I know, easier in the case of a longstanding trusting relationship than being direct and honest with somebody you do not know well.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

I dunno

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

Sometimes the individual is but in some cases they’re just playing up

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

Putting fuel on the fire today, I keep seeing the word "negativity"

Negativity is purely subjective and relative.

Negative post seems to be one that has less valuable than someone else's post in an opinion. So does "Negative thoughts to yourself" mean your opinion has no value so keep quiet?

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Putting fuel on the fire today, I keep seeing the word "negativity"

Negativity is purely subjective and relative.

Negative post seems to be one that has less valuable than someone else's post in an opinion. So does "Negative thoughts to yourself" mean your opinion has no value so keep quiet?

"

Telling somebody that in YOUR opinion they should for example, not wear that outfit they just bought as in YOUR opinion it makes them look unfavourable, is a negative comment however well intended. It is just not helpful and not ok. In my world anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I actually wonder (genuinely wonder) what gives people the right to comment on my (or anybody's) appearance.

I really do not believe we have the right to criticise and I politely but assertively turn the question round by saying "How is it important to you what I look like"?

Been wondering the same. Compliments are ok maybe. But can misconstrued so maybe not.

My perception on these things is skewed. If someone says something negative about my appearance that's their opinion and they can have an opinion.

But an insult is just that, an insult. Like if my friend tried on an outfit that didn’t suit her and she showed me I’d say yeah that looks shit mate try that on instead and she will and she comes out all excited then instead. I’d expect other people to do the same for me.

Ive recently got my best friend from 12 stone 3 down to 9 stone 7 and she’s buzzing around the place ordering new clothes all the time, saying how easy it is now for her to find stuff to wear every day and that came about by her moaning all the time and saying how unhappy she was to the point where I was like right let’s fucking do something about it then. Yeah I was harsh to her but she can’t stop thanking me now. "

Yeah I'd prefer someone to be honest like that. If I look shit just tell me. Too many people just smile and say yeah you look great when you really don't.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Everyone has opinions on things, free speech, right to offend, words don’t hurt etc. Sometimes though its better to just close your mouth!

I know people can say ignore it, but once said, its out there, never to be taken back. Worse is when someone makes a comment about a part of your physical appearance you cannot change.

Is it better to tell someone (who didn't fucking ask!) you don’t like something about their appearance or close your damn pie hole and let people live…..

"

Intent Smarty always intent .....

Someone says your nose is big just cos it's big then they are out of order = keep your mouth shut and your unsolicited opinion to yourself.

Someone says your nose is big cos you asked for an honest opinion = you asked. If you didn't want honesty then don't ask. They are fine to say that.

Someone says your nose is big because you are comparing nose sizes and there is a prize for a big noses = that's fine too.

Someone says your nose is big cos it'll save your life = that's fine too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Unless you are a medical professional or someone you've gone to advice on your appearance then it's no one's business.

If I've got, for example, a big nose (just to clarify I haven't. Have I? ) then I wouldn't need it pointing out."

Obviously not, you'd be able to see it

Mr

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea


"The vast majority of the time it's not about what was said, it's about how it was said, in what context it was said and the way in which the words are used to form what they said.

It is possible to word even the most offensive thing in a way that may still be offensive but invites discussion instead of as an insult or an attack.

So many people would rather say what they feel, and only that. Ignoring consequences or impact.

People should be told the truth, and while sometimes it is needed in situations, you can still soften the blow just with the way you phrase and word things. It makes a world of difference to the outcome... Unless who you say it to is just looking to be offended regardless what you say. That is an issue in and of itself.

While I agree that the tone makes the music, so to speak, I (respectfully) disagree people needing to be told about things to do with their appearance.

Criticise my work by all means, my cooking, my gardening, my dancing... in short my skills if you feel the need to, but nobody has the right to comment on my appearance. "

Why would anyone criticise your appearance in the first place when one or two of us are lucky enough to know that you look absolutely gorgeous.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Somebody who loves me fair enough they say it for the right reason. A stranger on the Internet with alterior motives can fuck right off. How insecure and unhappy must a person be who does that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

According to the National Science Foundation, an average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive thoughts.

If we repeat those negative thoughts, we think negative way more than we think positive thoughts. Cognitive Behavioral Therapists have a term for it — ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts). All negative thoughts are not bad. Being alert can help you survive but most negative thoughts are useless. They only create imaginary drama in your mind.

We're also hot wired to be pessimistic naturally as it's a life saving/survival thing ... optimistic idiots (like me) actually wouldn't live long!

I live in a total state of ignorance as, not just not having a tv, I've chosen to live without any news or social media for decades, and yes I really am happier than the average!

But commenting on appearance (part of my work in health which is helping people change their lives for the better for various health related reasons) it's not always ignorance is bliss ... and more importantly though, virtually everything can be said without even alluding to appearances!

The flip side of not commenting on personal appearance is actually don't compliment it either! Compliment achievement absolutely compliment change absolutely but not the appearance no ... we're not in that person's headspace and have no idea how they are feeling/coping. Compliments are often backhanded or for (as with fab) disingenuous reasons

A great exercise is to think of one compliment for every person you meet/see today without mentioning their appearance and not sound silly to yourself ... harder than you think but also absolutely wonderfully positive! PS you never actually have to say it, just think it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/06/21 11:57:05]

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"The vast majority of the time it's not about what was said, it's about how it was said, in what context it was said and the way in which the words are used to form what they said.

It is possible to word even the most offensive thing in a way that may still be offensive but invites discussion instead of as an insult or an attack.

So many people would rather say what they feel, and only that. Ignoring consequences or impact.

People should be told the truth, and while sometimes it is needed in situations, you can still soften the blow just with the way you phrase and word things. It makes a world of difference to the outcome... Unless who you say it to is just looking to be offended regardless what you say. That is an issue in and of itself.

While I agree that the tone makes the music, so to speak, I (respectfully) disagree people needing to be told about things to do with their appearance.

Criticise my work by all means, my cooking, my gardening, my dancing... in short my skills if you feel the need to, but nobody has the right to comment on my appearance.

Why would anyone criticise your appearance in the first place when one or two of us are lucky enough to know that you look absolutely gorgeous. "

Aw, thank you xx

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

So, socks with sandals is all good then?

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"According to the National Science Foundation, an average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive thoughts.

If we repeat those negative thoughts, we think negative way more than we think positive thoughts. Cognitive Behavioral Therapists have a term for it — ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts). All negative thoughts are not bad. Being alert can help you survive but most negative thoughts are useless. They only create imaginary drama in your mind.

We're also hot wired to be pessimistic naturally as it's a life saving/survival thing ... optimistic idiots (like me) actually wouldn't live long!

I live in a total state of ignorance as, not just not having a tv, I've chosen to live without any news or social media for decades, and yes I really am happier than the average!

But commenting on appearance (part of my work in health which is helping people change their lives for the better for various health related reasons) it's not always ignorance is bliss ... and more importantly though, virtually everything can be said without even alluding to appearances!

The flip side of not commenting on personal appearance is actually don't compliment it either! Compliment achievement absolutely compliment change absolutely but not the appearance no ... we're not in that person's headspace and have no idea how they are feeling/coping. Compliments are often backhanded or for (as with fab) disingenuous reasons

A great exercise is to think of one compliment for every person you meet/see today without mentioning their appearance and not sound silly to yourself ... harder than you think but also absolutely wonderfully positive! PS you never actually have to say it, just think it! "

I find myself in agreement with you on and I completely understand the need to comment on appearance if it is essential in a clinical environment - absolutely.

I also believe (and I know not many people would agree with me there) that there is no need to make any positive comment either. I for one just feel (and I have said so before on another thread) that my appearance is my business, it is about my outer "sell" and that for me compliments on my looks are not relevant.

I get that people want to be nice, I get that in many cases they are well-intended and I would acknowledge them as I have done in the previous post above, as a form of courtesy. I just do not need them and find all too often they are used as a weapon, a micro-agression against others.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"So, socks with sandals is all good then?"

Only if beige and when pulled up properly...;-)

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"So, socks with sandals is all good then?

Only if beige and when pulled up properly...;-)"

Paisley socks back in the draw then..

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"So, socks with sandals is all good then?

Only if beige and when pulled up properly...;-)"

With those little sock suspenders..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" ...

A great exercise is to think of one compliment for every person you meet/see today without mentioning their appearance and not sound silly to yourself ... harder than you think but also absolutely wonderfully positive! PS you never actually have to say it, just think it! "

What would be an example? If it's a stranger you don't know anything about them apart from what you can see.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I've changed my mind. I think ignorance truly must be bliss after a thread i've read today.

Why make any considerations when you have some nails , a hammer and ignorance to hammer your message home and keep your ego intact.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"So, socks with sandals is all good then?

Only if beige and when pulled up properly...;-)

With those little sock suspenders.. "

KINKY... or what...

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"So, socks with sandals is all good then?

Only if beige and when pulled up properly...;-)

With those little sock suspenders..

KINKY... or what... "

An acquired taste methinks..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've changed my mind. I think ignorance truly must be bliss after a thread i've read today.

Why make any considerations when you have some nails , a hammer and ignorance to hammer your message home and keep your ego intact. "

Which thread?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is for the person who has no clue, for everyone else it’s a massive ball ache, cause we have to endure their stupidity, not that they care, because they are oblivious.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

My ignorance only extends to allusion ...... it isn't elastic enough for revelations .....

So I have put you in a state of bliss

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"It is for the person who has no clue, for everyone else it’s a massive ball ache, cause we have to endure their stupidity, not that they care, because they are oblivious."

Agreed apart from the balls bit.

They are a fanny ache

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