FabSwingers.com forum: Cant accommodate

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Im just curious as to why if a guy cant accommodate this means he must be married?

I have had people call me a liar etc assuming I am married when in my case I still have (grown up now) children living at home so can rarely accommodate but am single.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People just presuming. They'd be better off just asking direct.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't automatically assume that he's married (or partnered) but let's be fair... there are a lot of men on here who can't accommodate because they are cheating, so it's not a totally unreasonable assumption to make.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i cant accomm purely becausr i live with my mum who i look after and elder sister who is also a carer for my mum

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By *tamina260Man
over a year ago

west midlands

Think most people think if they cant they either have a partner or live withwtheir parents. Both of which would put a women off. Everyones circumstances are different of course

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

People unfortunately will make assumptions. If you’ve told them the reason why and they still don’t believe it, move on they aren’t worth your time.

Some just don’t understand that a family home isn’t where people want to meet. Most like to keep the two worlds separated. Personally I never have anyone to my home, it’s mine and my child’s space and I wouldn’t risk that safe space for anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't accommodate because my house is a shit tip right now

less time on Fab, less time wanking, more time cleaning for me

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

It's a double standard of fab op

Most won't ask a woman why she can't accom either.

Not accomodating alone is not a sign someone is a cheat, there are lots of other signs.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

It’s a ridiculous assumption. I wouldn’t accommodate in a million years. For anyone.

I know plenty of men who have their children full time or some of the time. Perhaps, like me, they wouldn’t want anyone on fab to know where they and their children live. Big respect to them for that too. It’s an assumption I’ve never quite understood.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

I say I can't because I live where I work but I don't completely rule it out after meeting before hand.

It's more a cautious approach than anything

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

I don't assume the worst, a lot of people live in shared accommodation or have moved home or have kids there. I have can accommodate BUT it's only when my kids aren't there never would I entertain the idea of having someone over if they were.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Im just curious as to why if a guy cant accommodate this means he must be married?

I have had people call me a liar etc assuming I am married when in my case I still have (grown up now) children living at home so can rarely accommodate but am single."

Because most men that can't accommodate are married or attached even when they say they aren't.

Blame the other dudes not the women who have to have vetting procedures in place after getting burnt.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"People just presuming. They'd be better off just asking direct."

I do. If someone messages me and I see they can't accommodate I ask them why.

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By *ndrew CareyMan
over a year ago

Peterborough, Cambridgeshire & Lincolnshire

"People unfortunately will make assumptions. If you’ve told them the reason why and they still don’t believe it, move on they aren’t worth your time.

An interesting point of view. One I completely understand as you want to keep both worlds separate.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"I don't automatically assume that he's married (or partnered) but let's be fair... there are a lot of men on here who can't accommodate because they are cheating, so it's not a totally unreasonable assumption to make. "

And women

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By *tew008Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

I wouldn’t want anyone round unless I knew them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my life experiences I have never met under any circumstances so many "single" over 40 men that cannot accommodate ...

Very few men in life have their kids 24/7 that cannot simply not accommodate. I was a single mum for 28 years, most of it without a "father's" help ie never had the kids over any night, but at no point could I absolutely not accommodate?

Of course I always question why a person can't accommodate because on here it's 95% they're not single ... simply undeniable

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

"Im just curious as to why if a guy cant accommodate this means he must be married?

I have had people call me a liar etc assuming I am married when in my case I still have (grown up now) children living at home so can rarely accommodate but am single.

Because most men that can't accommodate are married or attached even when they say they aren't.

Blame the other dudes not the women who have to have vetting procedures in place after getting burnt. "

Why not blame both the men who lie about their marital status and the women that make (immature) assumptions about a man without knowing him or his circumstances?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im just curious as to why if a guy cant accommodate this means he must be married?

I have had people call me a liar etc assuming I am married when in my case I still have (grown up now) children living at home so can rarely accommodate but am single.

Because most men that can't accommodate are married or attached even when they say they aren't.

Blame the other dudes not the women who have to have vetting procedures in place after getting burnt. "

Plenty of married women who can’t accommodate on here too!

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Im just curious as to why if a guy cant accommodate this means he must be married?

I have had people call me a liar etc assuming I am married when in my case I still have (grown up now) children living at home so can rarely accommodate but am single.

Because most men that can't accommodate are married or attached even when they say they aren't.

Blame the other dudes not the women who have to have vetting procedures in place after getting burnt.

Why not blame both the men who lie about their marital status and the women that make (immature) assumptions about a man without knowing him or his circumstances? "

Why is it immature if its based on lived experiences?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Im just curious as to why if a guy cant accommodate this means he must be married?

I have had people call me a liar etc assuming I am married when in my case I still have (grown up now) children living at home so can rarely accommodate but am single.

Because most men that can't accommodate are married or attached even when they say they aren't.

Blame the other dudes not the women who have to have vetting procedures in place after getting burnt.

Plenty of married women who can’t accommodate on here too!"

But that wasn't what this thread was about, was it?

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"In my life experiences I have never met under any circumstances so many "single" over 40 men that cannot accommodate ...

Of course I always question why a person can't accommodate because on here it's 95% they're not single ... simply undeniable "

To be fair if I go by the men I’ve met it’s pretty much 95% because it’s their kids home too, whether the kids are there or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im just curious as to why if a guy cant accommodate this means he must be married?

I have had people call me a liar etc assuming I am married when in my case I still have (grown up now) children living at home so can rarely accommodate but am single.

Because most men that can't accommodate are married or attached even when they say they aren't.

Blame the other dudes not the women who have to have vetting procedures in place after getting burnt.

Plenty of married women who can’t accommodate on here too!

But that wasn't what this thread was about, was it? "

Fair point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because people jump to quickly I myself don't accommodate that's because I have a lot of people arou d em who don't know what I'm into and I'd like it to stay that way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah I get it a lot and I understand just have to laugh though when I reply with why don't you accommodate you get because I am cautious I have a reason and those that can be bothered to interact will get a answer.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Yeah I get it a lot and I understand just have to laugh though when I reply with why don't you accommodate you get because I am cautious I have a reason and those that can be bothered to interact will get a answer."

I would say being cautious is one of the main valid reasons given the some of the horror stories I’ve heard and read on here!

I’m not a can’t accommodate I’m a won’t accommodate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/06/21 16:19:38]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my life experiences I have never met under any circumstances so many "single" over 40 men that cannot accommodate ...

Of course I always question why a person can't accommodate because on here it's 95% they're not single ... simply undeniable

To be fair if I go by the men I’ve met it’s pretty much 95% because it’s their kids home too, whether the kids are there or not. "

Oh I get shared contact but that does not prohibit accommodating sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For the people that choose to not accommodate, for whatever reason, do you pay for the hotel? Curious?

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"In my life experiences I have never met under any circumstances so many "single" over 40 men that cannot accommodate ...

Of course I always question why a person can't accommodate because on here it's 95% they're not single ... simply undeniable

To be fair if I go by the men I’ve met it’s pretty much 95% because it’s their kids home too, whether the kids are there or not.

Oh I get shared contact but that does not prohibit accommodating sorry "

For you maybe, for a lot of people it would.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be fair if I go by the men I’ve met it’s pretty much 95% because it’s their kids home too, whether the kids are there or not. "

That’s why I say ‘Can’t Accommodate’ as my sons are more important than me getting my end away.

I’m a single parent, but it’s their home.

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

"Im just curious as to why if a guy cant accommodate this means he must be married?

I have had people call me a liar etc assuming I am married when in my case I still have (grown up now) children living at home so can rarely accommodate but am single."

Or live at home with mum or have a messy house can not be bothered cleaning

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"For the people that choose to not accommodate, for whatever reason, do you pay for the hotel? Curious? "

If and when I meet people I always pay half of everything. I insist.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well it's not really any of my business why he can't accommodate.

I can't because I'm saving for a mortgage and living with parents!

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

To be fair if I go by the men I’ve met it’s pretty much 95% because it’s their kids home too, whether the kids are there or not.

That’s why I say ‘Can’t Accommodate’ as my sons are more important than me getting my end away.

I’m a single parent, but it’s their home."

Exactly. Totally understandable. To each their own but I would never ever have anyone come to my home where my children live! Ever.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

You’ve only got to refer back to that post the other day where the woman was banging on his door when his kids were there! Risk that?!! No chance.

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

Maybe look at it a different way - if they don't believe your reasons for not being able to accommodate after explaining, then maybe they aren't people you'd want to spend time with anyway.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No solution to this situation. I can't host because I share a house. Although there are opportunities to do so, I have no control of fate. I might think I've got the place to myself for a few hours, and someone comes back early from work etc. Simply not private enough. Assumptions are going to be made regardless that I'm a cheat. Nothing I can do about it. As already said in this thread, ask the person why and listen to your gut. If their reason sounds suspect, it likely is, but don't just assume.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Why not just say something like "we are looking for different things" instead of insulting somebody by assuming (and accusing them) they are cheating.

I do not meet people who cannot accommodate but I don't usually give a reason. It works.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

"In my life experiences I have never met under any circumstances so many "single" over 40 men that cannot accommodate ...

Of course I always question why a person can't accommodate because on here it's 95% they're not single ... simply undeniable "

It is rare. I (Mr) live in a single parent household with my younger kids (best way to describemy situation as I'm not single but the only adult in my household). Before Mrs Misfit came along I just had my single profile. For me I am lucky in that my ex has the kids every second weekend and some of the school holidays (she lives over 2hrs drive away). So my profile was set to can accommodate because on a rare occasion I actually could. Generally once I got to know a woman I could explain this and then we could work around things to find some time together (as often they were busy single parents too).

It's shitty when women have a default suspicion of anything out of the normal. But it is logical. If I had a penny for every woman I'd met who on here who had been cheated on, lie to or seeing someone cheating on their partner I would probably be out to the shop right now treating my self to a Whisper Duo and possibly a bag of pork scratchings too. Its rubbish for all the good eggs out there. But I totally get it after hearing the same stories from pretty much every woman I've got to know off Fab, dating sites and day to day life. My advice would be understand why and try not to get too butt hurt over it. This situation is not womens fault, it's the dickheads who lie and cheats fault. Just keep putting your best foot forward and being open and honest. Unfortunately you'll just have to accept default suspicion of such situations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For the people that choose to not accommodate, for whatever reason, do you pay for the hotel? Curious? "

I don't use hotels if they are happy for me to meet at their place that's cool if not their is always outdoor fun

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"For the people that choose to not accommodate, for whatever reason, do you pay for the hotel? Curious? "

That should always be 50/50 for fab meets

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

I imagine there are a lot of guys who say it because they are cheating, and people have been caught out before.

I don't want to accommodate because my kids live at home and it's also my private space. I don't even invite mates in.

If someone accused me of cheating, I just offer them proof of my split from the ex (pretty easy to come by if you are seperated really).

If they still don't believe me, I wouldn't even want to be with them. It's their loss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I imagine there are a lot of guys who say it because they are cheating, and people have been caught out before.

I don't want to accommodate because my kids live at home and it's also my private space. I don't even invite mates in.

If someone accused me of cheating, I just offer them proof of my split from the ex (pretty easy to come by if you are seperated really).

If they still don't believe me, I wouldn't even want to be with them. It's their loss. "

Curious, do you expect other people to accommodate you or do you pay for alternative accommodations?

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

We have an open marriage, both play solo with the right people or peoples but if I cant accomodate when they want, i must be cheating. Never mind the profile, recent verifications or that fact my other half will speak to them. Must be cheating because I'm a man.my wife in the other hand...no such issues.

I'd like to say it does not bother me but when you're actually being honest on a swinging site and the proof is there on the profile and in the private photos you know something has gone wrong with the system. I dont care about a no but I do care about being called a cheat and / or liar.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I never presuame that just because a guy can't accomadate he is married. I think it's actually quite sad and pretty judgemental if I'm honest that a guy saying it is immediately branded a cheater .

I say I can't accomadate on my profile but I can if I want I just choose not to bring people I don't know well back to my home and that is my first thought when I see a male profile saying the same.I don't see why anyone should be expected to bring people they barely know back to their home if they don't want to. And no one should be expected to prove they are single or anything else especially by someone they don't know .

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

"I imagine there are a lot of guys who say it because they are cheating, and people have been caught out before.

I don't want to accommodate because my kids live at home and it's also my private space. I don't even invite mates in.

If someone accused me of cheating, I just offer them proof of my split from the ex (pretty easy to come by if you are seperated really).

If they still don't believe me, I wouldn't even want to be with them. It's their loss.

Curious, do you expect other people to accommodate you or do you pay for alternative accommodations? "

I'd be happy to pay.

It's not their fault I can't or don't want to accom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Compared to the general population, there does seem to be a disproportionately high number of guys whose kids live with them full time

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I never presuame that just because a guy can't accomadate he is married. I think it's actually quite sad and pretty judgemental if I'm honest that a guy saying it is immediately branded a cheater .

I agree. I’m surprised more people don’t agree to be honest. No wonder we hear all these horror stories!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its daft. Tbf ive never been accused of it. I dont accom or travel. That doesnt mean i cant... its that i choose not too.

Cuts dont on the amount of 'meet now' 'come fuck my wife'ect ect. So alls good

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Compared to the general population, there does seem to be a disproportionately high number of guys whose kids live with them full time "

They don't have to live there full time. The fact their kids live there even 1% of the time is reason enough not to want to bring a random stranger in to the home.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I've never once thought they were married or cheating. Everyone had their reasons for not doing so. I don't due to a traumatic and scary experience before which saw the police getting involved so vowed after that to never accommodate again.

I would never expect a man to accommodate either. Because of my reasoning, I am more than happy to pay for a hotel x

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By *ickmybowlWoman
over a year ago

Birkenhead

I don’t assume but I will always ask. My family life is complex so others will be too! If anyone is funny about it just move on, their loss! On the hand, they may have been burned before so it’s a tough one. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

State it in your bio then people won’t wrongly assume…

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

Whats wrong with a hotel?

Neutral, safer, convenient for the other female and me too! Nobody has a crystal ball or telepathy.

Don't get it myself?

People have their reasons.

I have had why? Are you married? I wasn't aware I had to justify myself?

If I was lucky enough to have a wife/girlfriend I would tell her you cheeky git...

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"People unfortunately will make assumptions. If you’ve told them the reason why and they still don’t believe it, move on they aren’t worth your time.

An interesting point of view. One I completely understand as you want to keep both worlds separate.

Totally I have ‘mum’ life and I have ‘my’ life. Plus I wouldn’t want someone I’ve met randomly turning up unannounced either.

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By *orders CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Kelso

We can't always accommodate either because we have grown up children living with us. We were empty nesters for three weeks but then the two older ones returned home lol.

Chatting is the best way of finding out if someone is genuine or not. It's easy to work out what rings true and what doesn't.

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By *evonshireboyMan
over a year ago

North Devon

"Why not just say something like "we are looking for different things" instead of insulting somebody by assuming (and accusing them) they are cheating.

I do not meet people who cannot accommodate but I don't usually give a reason. It works.

Yet your profile says you can't accommodate. You have your reasons that you can't/won't have people round to your house but don't believe that others could have the same mindset or situation as you? Seems an odd stance to take.

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