FabSwingers.com forum: Swingers community

By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

People often discuss swinging as a community, is this a misnomer though? Do you feel that community is the right word?

Do you feel part of a community, if not, why not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Considering there is quite often the view that singles aren't swingers I have found it to be quite a alienating place rather than an accepting one while a single.

You're not 'in' until you're part of a couple and actually play with other couples or in clubs.

There's been far too many differences of opinions on a what a swinger actually is to even feel part of any swinger 'community'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Newbie here but no I don’t feel part of a community.

Reading some of the comments on the forums etc not sure I even feel welcome.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Newbie here but no I don’t feel part of a community.

Reading some of the comments on the forums etc not sure I even feel welcome."

Oh no! So sorry you feel that way. I've not seen you post else I would of said hi..

So hi, nice to meet you

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Newbie here but no I don’t feel part of a community.

Reading some of the comments on the forums etc not sure I even feel welcome.

Oh no! So sorry you feel that way. I've not seen you post else I would of said hi..

So hi, nice to meet you "

Thank you that’s lovely of you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Newbie here but no I don’t feel part of a community.

Reading some of the comments on the forums etc not sure I even feel welcome.

Oh no! So sorry you feel that way. I've not seen you post else I would of said hi..

So hi, nice to meet you

Thank you that’s lovely of you

You are welcome and everyone belongs. Keep posting x

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Considering there is quite often the view that singles aren't swingers I have found it to be quite a alienating place rather than an accepting one while a single.

You're not 'in' until you're part of a couple and actually play with other couples or in clubs.

There's been far too many differences of opinions on a what a swinger actually is to even feel part of any swinger 'community'

PW "

That can definitely be the case. Gatekeeping is an issue in many groups or communities as well

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process "

Do you think that’s a bad thing?

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I have socialised with people in the swinging community but I'm not part of it, as I have an aversion to clubs.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing? "

Nope

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel the Fab Forum has taken me in and held me close to it's collective breast (and one day some may do that for real

)

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing? "

I do. I don't see why any old woman gets in but men have to get vetted.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Newbie here but no I don’t feel part of a community.

Reading some of the comments on the forums etc not sure I even feel welcome."

Keep posting, it can take a while to find your feet.

The site isn’t set up to recognise or accommodate ‘likes’ so newbies can feel left out at first

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I do until people try to impose their view of what swinging is. I see it as a very broad church.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/06/21 10:03:09]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Newbie here but no I don’t feel part of a community.

Reading some of the comments on the forums etc not sure I even feel welcome."

Lounge is a very friendly place we are a good bunch and sorry hello and welcome to the party

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I do. I don't see why any old woman gets in but men have to get vetted.

Because men aren’t all cuddly cute creatures, neither are women for that matter but sexual assault is a real and serious issue, especially on here

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"Newbie here but no I don’t feel part of a community.

Reading some of the comments on the forums etc not sure I even feel welcome."

You do need somewhat of a thick skin i won't lie. I just refuse to take anything too seriously and never attach any importance as to whether my posts are responded to or not. I post for my own enjoyment and not to join any clique.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To much glamorous new to be a community people read about the story’s on main stream news and stuff and think it’s a fast way to get your end away witch is not true in a sens

It’s true for woman tv/ts and couples looking for guys but definitely not true for the rest if your not will to put in the work you will not go far

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I do until people try to impose their view of what swinging is. I see it as a very broad church. "

That’s true.

There are a lot of whys and wherefores in regards to what it actually is

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

"Newbie here but no I don’t feel part of a community.

Reading some of the comments on the forums etc not sure I even feel welcome."
excuse me dear lady, but I offer to share my ice cream with you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, I don’t feel part of a community

Which isn't a complaint

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

I do feel it is a community, I've met some wonderful people over the years, made friends, had a laugh, had people there for me when the shit has hit the fan or been at such a low point.

The added bonus is that I have also had some great sex along the way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Newbie here but no I don’t feel part of a community.

Reading some of the comments on the forums etc not sure I even feel welcome. excuse me dear lady, but I offer to share my ice cream with you"

You offered me a lick of your lolly once, I dunno what I was licking but that was no lolly

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I do. I don't see why any old woman gets in but men have to get vetted.

Because men aren’t all cuddly cute creatures, neither are women for that matter but sexual assault is a real and serious issue, especially on here"

How do you vet someone for sexual assault? And aren’t women capable of behaving badly?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess this site is split into 2 community's...the forums and the searchers....I've tried to fit in with both but there are a few people who don't like newbies but we all have to start somewhere x

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

"Newbie here but no I don’t feel part of a community.

Reading some of the comments on the forums etc not sure I even feel welcome. excuse me dear lady, but I offer to share my ice cream with you

You offered me a lick of your lolly once, I dunno what I was licking but that was no lolly

"
MissD, you promised not to tell anyone about that

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I used to feel part of the community when i went to socials and clubs

But not now ive taken a step back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I do. I don't see why any old woman gets in but men have to get vetted.

Because men aren’t all cuddly cute creatures, neither are women for that matter but sexual assault is a real and serious issue, especially on here"

I think it is more to do with the higher volume of males who wish to join a club? I know talking to a club owner he said that women are less reluctant to join because of the perceived idea of lots of men to a fewer women and clubs want to level out the playing field

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I do. I don't see why any old woman gets in but men have to get vetted.

Because men aren’t all cuddly cute creatures, neither are women for that matter but sexual assault is a real and serious issue, especially on here

How do you vet someone for sexual assault? And aren’t women capable of behaving badly?

It’s a numbers issue not a sexual assault issue. And I say issue lightly because its not actually a problem it’s just the way it is.

80/20 split men/women you’re obviously gonna have a harder time getting into the club as a guy coz the market is saturated

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I do. I don't see why any old woman gets in but men have to get vetted.

Because men aren’t all cuddly cute creatures, neither are women for that matter but sexual assault is a real and serious issue, especially on here

How do you vet someone for sexual assault? And aren’t women capable of behaving badly?

Badly, yes but does every guy go into a one on one situation with the thought ‘am I safe?’.

How to vet for sexual assault is the million dollar question, I’m not qualified to answer that one but it can be part of the reason why guys are treated with distrust

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I do. I don't see why any old woman gets in but men have to get vetted.

Because men aren’t all cuddly cute creatures, neither are women for that matter but sexual assault is a real and serious issue, especially on here

How do you vet someone for sexual assault? And aren’t women capable of behaving badly?

Badly, yes but does every guy go into a one on one situation with the thought ‘am I safe?’.

How to vet for sexual assault is the million dollar question, I’m not qualified to answer that one but it can be part of the reason why guys are treated with distrust "

Not once have I ever entered a sexual situation with the thought 'am I safe?'

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I do. I don't see why any old woman gets in but men have to get vetted.

Because men aren’t all cuddly cute creatures, neither are women for that matter but sexual assault is a real and serious issue, especially on here

How do you vet someone for sexual assault? And aren’t women capable of behaving badly?

It’s a numbers issue not a sexual assault issue. And I say issue lightly because its not actually a problem it’s just the way it is.

80/20 split men/women you’re obviously gonna have a harder time getting into the club as a guy coz the market is saturated "

You and your numbers!

It’s not about a numbers game, it’s about effort and acceptance. I’ve never had an issue with ‘the club’ because I got to know people and put myself out there. There isn’t a maximum capacity quota for guys

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I do. I don't see why any old woman gets in but men have to get vetted.

Because men aren’t all cuddly cute creatures, neither are women for that matter but sexual assault is a real and serious issue, especially on here

How do you vet someone for sexual assault? And aren’t women capable of behaving badly?

Badly, yes but does every guy go into a one on one situation with the thought ‘am I safe?’.

How to vet for sexual assault is the million dollar question, I’m not qualified to answer that one but it can be part of the reason why guys are treated with distrust

Not once have I ever entered a sexual situation with the thought 'am I safe?'"

Then you’re very lucky. Every woman that I’ve ever met has a vetting process and has had that fear.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I do. I don't see why any old woman gets in but men have to get vetted.

Because men aren’t all cuddly cute creatures, neither are women for that matter but sexual assault is a real and serious issue, especially on here

How do you vet someone for sexual assault? And aren’t women capable of behaving badly?

It’s a numbers issue not a sexual assault issue. And I say issue lightly because its not actually a problem it’s just the way it is.

80/20 split men/women you’re obviously gonna have a harder time getting into the club as a guy coz the market is saturated

You and your numbers!

I guess our opinions differ but a few women have already agreed here that a large amount of guts and a small amount of women puts them off. Along with one person saying a club owner felt the same way.

So you can discredit numbers all you want, but they exist and they have an effect.

The fact that a lot of clubs limit the number of single guys that attend and charge more, pretty much proves my point

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

This is my personal opinion only.

There is a swinging community however only a few belong to it and you need to fit their criteria to be admitted.

I'm not complaining or criticising or suggesting it should change but we don't feel part of it

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I do. I don't see why any old woman gets in but men have to get vetted.

Because men aren’t all cuddly cute creatures, neither are women for that matter but sexual assault is a real and serious issue, especially on here

How do you vet someone for sexual assault? And aren’t women capable of behaving badly?

It’s a numbers issue not a sexual assault issue. And I say issue lightly because its not actually a problem it’s just the way it is.

80/20 split men/women you’re obviously gonna have a harder time getting into the club as a guy coz the market is saturated

You and your numbers!

So you can discredit numbers all you want, but they exist and they have an effect.

The fact that a lot of clubs limit the number of single guys that attend and charge more, pretty much proves my point "

I think that you’re conflating clubs with community and pricing policy to deter crowds.

It can be hard for a single guy to get into clubs, frustratingly so and there are several clubs which actively discourage single guys. In my experience I stay away from those places and find the people that welcome my presence.

In my experience it’s not about numbers but attitude

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's like a family gathered together at Christmas where some people get on well, others tolerate each other and a select few actually actively despise the rest. However, they put up with all the drama in anticipation of finally getting to the big day and opening up their presents. Unfortunately some of these presents are done with in 10 seconds, some never came down the chimney in the first place and a few cause you to take 2 tablets, 3 times a day for 6 weeks until the discharge has cleared.

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

"People often discuss swinging as a community, is this a misnomer though? Do you feel that community is the right word?

Do you feel part of a community, if not, why not? "

Swinging was by definition a community, a when I got involved most of the people worked with and worked for were part of the community. Also they socialised more as a community. But tended to be more distributed, my involvement could say was with the London chapter

The introduction of such sites as this, have opened up the scene to a much wider audience and with it more challenges, good and bad. Also attitudes have changed not aways for the better. Think the scene has become more judgemental and intolerant.

It has become more about sex than community so I believe that swinging as a community no longer exists, also I'm not sure the term swinging has that much value anymore. Things change or evolve in some cases devolve.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I do. I don't see why any old woman gets in but men have to get vetted.

Because men aren’t all cuddly cute creatures, neither are women for that matter but sexual assault is a real and serious issue, especially on here

How do you vet someone for sexual assault? And aren’t women capable of behaving badly?

It’s a numbers issue not a sexual assault issue. And I say issue lightly because its not actually a problem it’s just the way it is.

80/20 split men/women you’re obviously gonna have a harder time getting into the club as a guy coz the market is saturated

You and your numbers!

So you can discredit numbers all you want, but they exist and they have an effect.

The fact that a lot of clubs limit the number of single guys that attend and charge more, pretty much proves my point

I think that you’re conflating clubs with community and pricing policy to deter crowds.

In my experience it’s not about numbers but attitude"

If clubs are part of being within the community, and social meet ups too, and if even some of them make it harder for single guys, you can’t argue that there isn’t an element of a numbers game.

This is where I think our heads butt on this numbers idea.

You seem to act as if when I say it’s a numbers game, that’s it’s literally a lottery and nothing matters except the % chance you getting picked at random, which isn’t what I mean.

I mean there’s a numbers element to it. Clubs often limit single guys. Socials and parties often limit single guys. And a bigger pool size means that there’s just more talent available for women to choose from.

That doesn’t mean you can’t improve your chances. You can workout to look better, you can improve your profile, you can get on the forums and start marking connections, these things all help.

But it’s a little naive to say numbers don’t matter at all, especially when there’s literally evidence that some aspects of the swinging community limits single guys based on numbers

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By *irty desireWoman
over a year ago

newcatle

There is definitely a swinging community but not on fab.. i say i am a part of the club scene which as you get to know people more snd more it feels like a community!

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By *leanor1717Woman
over a year ago

Gillingham

Yes I do feel part of a swinging community, being around people who are sexually liberated like me. I think that comes from having been a regular club goer and naturist for a couple of years, having made a lot of friends who I am in contact with, tho some I haven't seen since lockdown. I have been to small garden parties which are swingers and others, not to play, but just to socialise. Having a big group of friends I know from the club I went to does make me feel part of a community. I think it would be much harder to feel like that if I hadn't been to clubs. Just on Fab and isolated meets wouldn't really do that.

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

Numerous dictionary's define a swinger as:

1) a person who indulges in promiscuous sex.

2) a person who engages in the exchanging of spouses for sexual activities.

So we are swingers. We are not monogamous, we play together and alone with singles, couples and as parts of larger groups. We have extra sprinkles on top and only do things a certain way but we are most certainly, swingers!

So anyone else who does the above is, by definition, a swinger.

Of course that's not the only thing that person or persons might be. Other labels may apply. It purely depends.

But as for being part of a community?

Maybe. I could see it applying to club where many are regulars but not on Fab. Fabs anything but a community.

All to many people on here want to dictate to others what they should or should not be doing to fall into the category of "swinger". It's become all to easy for some people to criticize others because we don't all have the same views, wants or needs.

Fab is used for purposes far beyond just swinging. Some people want to use it to casually cheat on their spouses. Some want to use it to date. Some are just picture hunters. Some just want to chat openly and freely about sex etc etc etc.

Personally I'm not a fan of saying we are part of a community. I prefer saying we all just happen to enjoy a certain lifestyle and some of us are more compatible than others.

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By *leanor1717Woman
over a year ago

Gillingham

"There is definitely a swinging community but not on fab.. i say i am a part of the club scene which as you get to know people more snd more it feels like a community!"

Yes, this

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I do. I don't see why any old woman gets in but men have to get vetted.

Because men aren’t all cuddly cute creatures, neither are women for that matter but sexual assault is a real and serious issue, especially on here

How do you vet someone for sexual assault? And aren’t women capable of behaving badly?

It’s a numbers issue not a sexual assault issue. And I say issue lightly because its not actually a problem it’s just the way it is.

80/20 split men/women you’re obviously gonna have a harder time getting into the club as a guy coz the market is saturated

You and your numbers!

So you can discredit numbers all you want, but they exist and they have an effect.

The fact that a lot of clubs limit the number of single guys that attend and charge more, pretty much proves my point

I think that you’re conflating clubs with community and pricing policy to deter crowds.

In my experience it’s not about numbers but attitude

If clubs are part of being within the community, and social meet ups too, and if even some of them make it harder for single guys, you can’t argue that there isn’t an element of a numbers game.

This is where I think our heads butt on this numbers idea.

You seem to act as if when I say it’s a numbers game, that’s it’s literally a lottery and nothing matters except the % chance you getting picked at random, which isn’t what I mean.

That doesn’t mean you can’t improve your chances. You can workout to look better, you can improve your profile, you can get on the forums and start marking connections, these things all help.

But it’s a little naive to say numbers don’t matter at all, especially when there’s literally evidence that some aspects of the swinging community limits single guys based on numbers "

I see your point, I really do.

In my experience it’s not about the huge swathes of guys as so many of them don’t try, can’t engage socially or are unwilling. Once these are discounted, the numbers are far more even.

Perhaps I just ignore that aspect of things as I just focus on myself, engaging and being myself, which will put anyone ahead of the numbers.

I’m nothing special, I’m not exceptional but I’ve never had any issue with acceptance or felt limited by others.

Perhaps that’s why I don’t agree with your points as numbers have never ever been a thing

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

"There is definitely a swinging community but not on fab.. i say i am a part of the club scene which as you get to know people more snd more it feels like a community!"

This I agree with.

I think we once talked to you briefly at a social event in Darlington (could be wrong) but things like that did make us feel like there was a swinging community. Fab doesn't....but it allows us to meet people so it's certainly a facilitator to getting into that community aspect.

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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"There is definitely a swinging community but not on fab.. i say i am a part of the club scene which as you get to know people more snd more it feels like a community!"

I’d tend to agree. It was only when I started attending socials and clubs that I started to find the community

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

"It’s more of a club with very strict rules and criteria to join. Women obviously get to join no matter what and guys are subject to a much stricter vetting process

Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I do. I don't see why any old woman gets in but men have to get vetted.

Because men aren’t all cuddly cute creatures, neither are women for that matter but sexual assault is a real and serious issue, especially on here

How do you vet someone for sexual assault? And aren’t women capable of behaving badly?

It’s a numbers issue not a sexual assault issue. And I say issue lightly because its not actually a problem it’s just the way it is.

80/20 split men/women you’re obviously gonna have a harder time getting into the club as a guy coz the market is saturated

You and your numbers!

So you can discredit numbers all you want, but they exist and they have an effect.

The fact that a lot of clubs limit the number of single guys that attend and charge more, pretty much proves my point

I think that you’re conflating clubs with community and pricing policy to deter crowds.

In my experience it’s not about numbers but attitude

If clubs are part of being within the community, and social meet ups too, and if even some of them make it harder for single guys, you can’t argue that there isn’t an element of a numbers game.

This is where I think our heads butt on this numbers idea.

You seem to act as if when I say it’s a numbers game, that’s it’s literally a lottery and nothing matters except the % chance you getting picked at random, which isn’t what I mean.

That doesn’t mean you can’t improve your chances. You can workout to look better, you can improve your profile, you can get on the forums and start marking connections, these things all help.

But it’s a little naive to say numbers don’t matter at all, especially when there’s literally evidence that some aspects of the swinging community limits single guys based on numbers

I see your point, I really do.

In my experience it’s not about the huge swathes of guys as so many of them don’t try, can’t engage socially or are unwilling. Once these are discounted, the numbers are far more even.

Perhaps I just ignore that aspect of things as I just focus on myself, engaging and being myself, which will put anyone ahead of the numbers.

I’m nothing special, I’m not exceptional but I’ve never had any issue with acceptance or felt limited by others.

Perhaps that’s why I don’t agree with your points as numbers have never ever been a thing"

Well I’m glad we could at least come to sone understand, and I completely agree that ultimately it’s up to you to put your best foot forward and make your chances as good as they can be.

But while clubs are limiting single guys, messages get buried and bulk deleted without being read because women get 800 messages a day, and the fact that there’s an unending influx of choices for women, I just can’t ignore the fact that numbers play a big role on here.

But if your Brad Pitt, of course they don’t play a big role. Or if you’ve already found a successful place on the forums where popularity matters, numbers don’t matter. Or maybe you fall into a niche category like a 9 inch knob, then again, numbers won’t matter.

But for the average guy on here numbers is probably one of the biggest factors on getting involved within the community

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