FabSwingers.com forum: Judging people

By *tella Heels OP TV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

Why is it people judge you, yet the don’t even know you?

I find this a little frustrating and wondered if anyone else gets the same treatment..

Yes I am a guy, in fact in my normal life you wouldn’t recognise me, I’m quite adept to DIY building, joinery, roofing and plumbing etc.

Why do people think I’m Stella. 24/7??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People will judge on the info you present to them

I think that's sensible

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"People will judge on the info you present to them

I think that's sensible "

People often also judge on the information they think you present to them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

It's like people thinking I'm dressed up in sexy gear and available to fuck 24/7, when the majority of the time I've no make up on and probably slumming in the sofa in my dressing gown... Like now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's like people thinking I'm dressed up in sexy gear and available to fuck 24/7, when the majority of the time I've no make up on and probably slumming in the sofa in my dressing gown... Like now

Well that's the wank bank sorted for today.

Cheers

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Why is it people judge you, yet the don’t even know you?

I find this a little frustrating and wondered if anyone else gets the same treatment..

Yes I am a guy, in fact in my normal life you wouldn’t recognise me, I’m quite adept to DIY building, joinery, roofing and plumbing etc.

Why do people think I’m Stella. 24/7??"

I think in your case it might be because people don't understand that there is a difference between your life as Stella and the rest of your life.

But people will judge on anything they can. It's a shame but it's human nature.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

We all judge. We do it subconsciously most of the time.

On here tho, with the one you say, I reckon it's coz many people assume if you're online you're looking to meet now, coz that's how they use the site and don't realise not everyone else does the same.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"People will judge on the info you present to them

I think that's sensible "

To fail to recognise that there are huge gaps in understanding isn’t sensible, it’s ignorant.

People do judge on the information presented to them though, which says everything about those judging

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because it makes them feel better about themselves perhaps? Someone is handling that life shit worse than me. Let's say it out loud so mine doesn't look so bad in comparison. Maybe. One possible explanation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"We all judge. We do it subconsciously most of the time. "

I agree with this part in particular.

The important thing is how you then act upon, present and project that judgement on to the people who you have judged.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I genuinely know this feeling. Been a bigger guy, we're constantly judged.

I've had some right nasty abusive messages on here. Going back to last year I think it was someone even suggested I should kill myself as I was a disgrace and look a disgrace.

To me it's water of a ducks back. But to some people the need to judge and put there mouth into gear before there brain is second nature.

I say just be you and change for no one expectations.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"It's like people thinking I'm dressed up in sexy gear and available to fuck 24/7, when the majority of the time I've no make up on and probably slumming in the sofa in my dressing gown... Like now

Well that's the wank bank sorted for today.

Cheers

Ha ha ha!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All of us judge to a degree. I find it outstanding that some think they know you from profile bio of text, a few pics and few sentences in forum posts. It gets on my nerves how many have formed an opinion of me from very little and not even had a conversation with me. Its madness. I wouldn't have assumed you were Stella 24/7 though OP.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *scotrobinMan
over a year ago

Winkfield

I have annoyed a female member who keeps inventing new personae and sending me messages. Shame she uses the same photos for each profile and her grammar is so poor it instantly identifies her. Now she's commenting on my photos, shame they're friends only!

There are some on here who have the bravery of hiding behind the keyboard yet shrink in fear of their victim responding.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tella Heels OP TV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

"People will judge on the info you present to them

I think that's sensible

People often also judge on the information they think you present to them."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tella Heels OP TV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

"It's like people thinking I'm dressed up in sexy gear and available to fuck 24/7, when the majority of the time I've no make up on and probably slumming in the sofa in my dressing gown... Like now

Lol I agree, mowing lawns and strumming today

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im always wearing these red shorts

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We all judge. We do it subconsciously most of the time.

I agree with this part in particular.

The important thing is how you then act upon, present and project that judgement on to the people who you have judged. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all subconsciously judge others. It’s not the most pleasant trait. I tend to judge superficial shit like when I see fat people in the supermarket and their trollies are overflowing with crap I do think, well you’re not really helping yourself there are you. I know it’s nasty but it’s what I think.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tew008Man
over a year ago

edinburgh

"People will judge on the info you present to them

I think that's sensible

People often also judge on the information they think you present to them."

Our brains are lazy and like assumptions.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone judges. Everyone.

Your friends, family, strangers. They judge on the information they have.

Why care about it? You yourself are the only person in the entire world who has ALL the information about you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all have those thoughts that pop into our brain. It’s what we do with them that counts.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try not judge anyone on face value .. probably just me ..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We all have those thoughts that pop into our brain. It’s what we do with them that counts."

Yeah I wouldn’t go up to someone and tell them what I was thinking because that would just be intentionally hurting someone. I can’t stop the thoughts though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

Knowing that being here and the real world are 2 separate things seems to be a struggle for a lot of fab members OP

Also it's easy to sit behind a phone or keyboard and judge someone as there is little to no pushback, Do end of the day Pricks will always be Pricks, wouldn't loose any sleep on em.

You do your thing and be happy for it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tella Heels OP TV/TS
over a year ago

west here ford shire

"We all have those thoughts that pop into our brain. It’s what we do with them that counts.

Yeah I wouldn’t go up to someone and tell them what I was thinking because that would just be intentionally hurting someone. I can’t stop the thoughts though. "

Thinking it, not saying it, is ok

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

"Knowing that being here and the real world are 2 separate things seems to be a struggle for a lot of fab members OP

Also it's easy to sit behind a phone or keyboard and judge someone as there is little to no pushback, Do end of the day Pricks will always be Pricks, wouldn't loose any sleep on em.

You do your thing and be happy for it. "
So

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why is it people judge you, yet the don’t even know you?

I find this a little frustrating and wondered if anyone else gets the same treatment..

Yes I am a guy, in fact in my normal life you wouldn’t recognise me, I’m quite adept to DIY building, joinery, roofing and plumbing etc.

Why do people think I’m Stella. 24/7??"

Judging you like what?? What makes you think they are judging you and why is it frustrating for you?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We all have those thoughts that pop into our brain. It’s what we do with them that counts.

Yeah I wouldn’t go up to someone and tell them what I was thinking because that would just be intentionally hurting someone. I can’t stop the thoughts though.

Thinking it, not saying it, is ok "

Yeah but then there’s things I don’t judge that I know lots of people do. Example being seeing a mother drop her child to school in her pyjamas. A lot of people would judge that mother but that’s not something I’ve ever even thought of. I see a child with its uniform on, coat, bag, hair done nicely, I see the mum in the pjs and no thought comes into my head but I know that’s a popular one that people like to make judgements on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ojobinksMan
over a year ago

swindon

Unfortunately people don’t engage there brains sometimes and others just like to cause hurt and pain, you can’t really judge someone until you’ve been in there shoes or heels, don’t let them get to you haters gonna hate rise above them and live your life the way you want too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I’m sure we all judge. I do, but in my head. It’s how you do it that makes the difference.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We all have those thoughts that pop into our brain. It’s what we do with them that counts.

Yeah I wouldn’t go up to someone and tell them what I was thinking because that would just be intentionally hurting someone. I can’t stop the thoughts though.

Thinking it, not saying it, is ok

She might wear stockings and sexy undies under her pjs

Or a butt plug, or chastity belt

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We all have those thoughts that pop into our brain. It’s what we do with them that counts.

Yeah I wouldn’t go up to someone and tell them what I was thinking because that would just be intentionally hurting someone. I can’t stop the thoughts though.

Thinking it, not saying it, is ok "

To expand, when I say what we do with it.

It’s easy to think something judgemental.

For example, Why is that 7 year old in a pushchair?

Maybe they are autistic, the point is you rarely know, so if you have the judgemental thought, to actually stop yourself and think, ‘I don’t know, I’m not in their shoes’, and turn that thought around.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People think I'm smarter than what I am.

I tend to stay quiet and figure things out. Or I stay quiet and figure out what I need to know to do something and ask the right person.

Others interpreate that as intelligence but it's not.

I don't pretend to be smart. I don't tell people I am. But they assume it from silence

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

Because it's human nature to put someone in a box with a particular label.

We are not this or that we are all unique. With all our "uniqueness" - I like being unique - I ain't boring either....

Unfortunately, you have to remember after all some people are complete & utter "twats" and don't think or even possibly think what it would be like to be that person in any given situation good or bad.... Until it happens to them or someone they love or like dearly!

I think we are all intricate layers of an onion, ever winding and ever spiraling and evolving and changing.

Now, how do you change attitudes & perceptions & bias....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And to the OP.

A lot of people makes assumptions on fab because most of us are only showing part of their personalities on here.

When most guys read the profile of woman A they will see she's highly sexed and good to go. And she might be, at the right time with the right person. But that's not who she is. It's an aspect of her personality not a totality.

You are not living life as a trans woman but how do most people know? I remember you posting about keeping your fab life quiet from work colleagues a few months ago. But most people won't remember that. And the TV/TS "gender" also confuses things because there is a big difference between a transvestite and a transexual person. It's a muddy water that only confuses things for people understanding you.

I think it helps to understand that the people behind the profiles are actually complicated beings with complicated lives and not characters in an interactive game.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

It's human nature to judge, sometimes that first impression from what available information we have taints the way we think.

I am a firm believer in never judge a book by it's cover. You could be missing out on a fantastic story inside

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

When I get intellectuals passing judgement on me, who have their heads so far up their own backsides that they could do with a miners lamp on their forehead to help them see in that dark passage. I refer them to the book if Mathew 7:1-3 KJV. That then sparks debate before you shoot them down in flames

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"When I get intellectuals passing judgement on me, who have their heads so far up their own backsides that they could do with a miners lamp on their forehead to help them see in that dark passage. I refer them to the book if Mathew 7:1-3 KJV. That then sparks debate before you shoot them down in flames "

You worry me sometimes...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Actually judging is part of a decision process whether somebody has good or bad intentions - it is quite primal and there is nothing wrong with that instinct.

What is not great if the impression gained remains unchecked.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also for me, there is a huge difference between judgement and discernment.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

People will always judge, even without knowing anything about someone and this is unfortunately just how it is.

If people want to judge me then that's fine I can take it because I know me and what type of person I am and someones opinion is only that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We and other animals have to make judgements, decisions, risk assessments all the time. Most of the time we dont even realise we are doing it.

All of us make judgements about people we dont know. In fact we are more likely to do this with people we dont know than with those we know - because we have already largely made up our minds about the people we know.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

"Why is it people judge you, yet the don’t even know you?

I find this a little frustrating and wondered if anyone else gets the same treatment..

Yes I am a guy, in fact in my normal life you wouldn’t recognise me, I’m quite adept to DIY building, joinery, roofing and plumbing etc.

Why do people think I’m Stella. 24/7??"

Because they only know Stella? How else can they visualise you if they don't know the 'other' you. It would be very remiss for someone to say ..... Hi Stella who are you really ? So it's okay if people from here see you as Stella. I do.

I'm not sure how you have been judged Stella but it helps to remember that judgement is a mirror not an insightful action.

BTW...... i'm desperate for kitchen tops and bathroom plumbing if you know anyone capable

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

We all make judgement it's only when people have closed minds for change.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And to the OP.

A lot of people makes assumptions on fab because most of us are only showing part of their personalities on here.

I think it helps to understand that the people behind the profiles are actually complicated beings with complicated lives and not characters in an interactive game. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

It's human nature to judge and those that say they don't are lying.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why is it people judge you, yet the don’t even know you?

I find this a little frustrating and wondered if anyone else gets the same treatment..

Yes I am a guy, in fact in my normal life you wouldn’t recognise me, I’m quite adept to DIY building, joinery, roofing and plumbing etc.

Why do people think I’m Stella. 24/7??"

Sometimes it could be a lack of empathy and not wanting to understand perhaps. It’s also possible people are not wanting to offend and therefore do not ask to find out. They may judge you on the experience they have with other TV/TS and make assumptions. As much as we’d all like to say we don’t judge, I’m pretty sure we all do to some extent. Some people are just d**ks!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

You worry me sometimes...

I worry you darling! I worry me sometimes especially when I'm shooting from the hip.

I actually ended up getting a lot of biblical quotes, and words of wisdom for verbal atom bombs from an old pal of mine who eventually renounced astrology, and became a Jehovah's witness.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread