FabSwingers.com forum: Women and rejection

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

On the back of Annie’s thread, where she mentioned some men say they wouldn’t look twice at some women after they’ve been rejected by her, it got me thinking if the boot was on the other foot, how do you think women would deal with constant rejection a lot of these men go through on here, do you think women would take it with good grace or have similar response, or would they not even bother in the first place ?

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I would left my first day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not very well is how I think it would be dealt with overall

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s so true and I guess women fell worse too.

Everything is always about body image ect. Which really it’s now it’s the connection with that person.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Women from my own experience can't handle rejection either. But I think they're less confrontational and direct about it.

If I got loads of rejection I doubt I'd be on here long to be honest.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Not very well none likes rejection! But hopefully would take it gracefully and move on x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would knock my confidence but there is no way it would cause me to become abusive to other people. Likely i’d just find another way of meeting people.

As a lady on here i have had my messages read and ignored by men, women and couples. Thems the breaks. Everyone won’t fancy you and really would you want them to?

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Women from my own experience can't handle rejection either. But I think they're less confrontational and direct about it.

If I got loads of rejection I doubt I'd be on here long to be honest. "

This.

Rejection makes me internalise rather than lash out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection is never nice but I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with me anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tbh, it's all I expected when I first joined... But I am a grown up and understand how attraction works, so wouldn't be whinging about it and blaming the men for being too picky... And I definitely wouldn't settle for men I wasn't attracted to, because the ones I fancied weren't interested

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well think u lot here are beautiful. Seen u all around here for a while now and ur lovely and polite

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I've only seen one lady get nasty when i turned her down.

She must've thought i was an easy lay. Lol

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Women from my own experience can't handle rejection either. But I think they're less confrontational and direct about it.

If I got loads of rejection I doubt I'd be on here long to be honest.

This.

Rejection makes me internalise rather than lash out."

Definitely I'd presume I was the ugliest of the ugly and that I was nobody would ever want me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tbh, it's all I expected when I first joined... But I am a grown up and understand how attraction works, so wouldn't be whinging about it and blaming the men for being too picky... And I definitely wouldn't settle for men I wasn't attracted to, because the ones I fancied weren't interested

And then insult them when they knocked me back, too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Women from my own experience can't handle rejection either. But I think they're less confrontational and direct about it.

If I got loads of rejection I doubt I'd be on here long to be honest.

This.

Rejection makes me internalise rather than lash out.

Definitely I'd presume I was the ugliest of the ugly and that I was nobody would ever want me. "

Don’t be daft woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've only seen one lady get nasty when i turned her down.

She must've thought i was an easy lay. Lol

Damnit! Aren't you?!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ppl need to learn and be kind think most ppl forget we all have feelings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd probably feel really disheartened and leave. There's no way I'd get nasty, it just isn't in my nature. Being more inclined to turn blame inwards rather the outwards means it wouldn't occur to me to throw insults about. Obviously I can't speak for other women, what with them being separate individuals and not one homogeneous entity.

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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago

Stirling

You are never going to be everyone’s cup of tea, if you don’t put yourself out there in the first place you will never know what may happen.. sending a message and being expectant of a response is something that’s on you, if you can’t handle a response which differs from that you hoped for that’s also on you, it all comes down to what you allow to have an effect on you

There’s thousands of people on here, we all have something that will appeal to someone. I’d just take it in my stride and move on, if 6 pack Steve from 300 miles away ain’t into me is it really that big a deal?

Be happy in you and know your own worth

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"I've only seen one lady get nasty when i turned her down.

She must've thought i was an easy lay. Lol

Damnit! Aren't you?!?

Not that easy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One women openly admitted on the forum she went after a guy and the police wouldn't of stopped her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Problem is those that get no attention want to be wanted !! Those that get the attention don’t want it ...

I stay in my own lane and remain in the middle .. no expectations .. one woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've only seen one lady get nasty when i turned her down.

She must've thought i was an easy lay. Lol

Damnit! Aren't you?!?

Not that easy.

Bugger!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You are never going to be everyone’s cup of tea, if you don’t put yourself out there in the first place you will never know what may happen.. sending a message and being expectant of a response is something that’s on you, if you can’t handle a response which differs from that you hoped for that’s also on you, it all comes down to what you allow to have an effect on you

Be happy in you and know your own worth

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

They would take it worse I think, especially if they think they're that special they can't possibly be turned down.

I've said it before and I will say it again, looks are nothing if you don't have a kind soul

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By *oxy lady40Woman
over a year ago

bridgwater

Probably wouldn’t like it , but it not happened yet so I don’t know,, would like to think I be grown up about it

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

[Removed by poster at 10/06/21 13:42:32]

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

"I've only seen one lady get nasty when i turned her down.

She must've thought i was an easy lay. Lol

Damnit! Aren't you?!?

Not that easy.

Bugger! "

You'll have to try harder.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Women from my own experience can't handle rejection either. But I think they're less confrontational and direct about it.

If I got loads of rejection I doubt I'd be on here long to be honest.

This.

Rejection makes me internalise rather than lash out.

Definitely I'd presume I was the ugliest of the ugly and that I was nobody would ever want me. "

That's exactly it. It doesn't take much for me to get to that feeling.

But I'd not abuse anyone over it or whinge about it on a public forum. I'd just stop messaging people and look at the pretty pictures.

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By *usty kayCouple
over a year ago

Burnham

I couldn’t handle it which is why I don’t message anyone. I have been in situations where I have felt/been rejected and at no point did it make me rude or nasty. Unless someone has told you they want you, or even spent a few times fucking you, and then rejects you no one really has the right to expect anything more than a no thank you and should take it gracefully

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Women from my own experience can't handle rejection either. But I think they're less confrontational and direct about it.

If I got loads of rejection I doubt I'd be on here long to be honest.

This.

Rejection makes me internalise rather than lash out.

Definitely I'd presume I was the ugliest of the ugly and that I was nobody would ever want me.

That's exactly it. It doesn't take much for me to get to that feeling.

But I'd not abuse anyone over it or whinge about it on a public forum. I'd just stop messaging people and look at the pretty pictures."

I'd probably be sat crying into my cuppa to do anything else. And yes I'd probably withdraw from public gaze.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suspect that the issue is people and rejection. I imagine that just like men there would be a range of reactions from irrepressible optimism through to insults and anger in roughly equal proportions to the reactions from men.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Im not trying to earn any brownie points by saying this, but:

I never understand why people get nasty about being turned down. It's not like they're going to change their minds -is it???

It's just bullying (IMO).

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I've had a few men from here tell me what women have been like when they've turned them down (rejected sounds so harsh!) - much like men it ranges from the abusive to the polite acceptance.

On a personal level, in my life I've been turned down twice and both times I internalised it and went quiet, told myself it was down to me not being particularly good looking and fat. I didn't have any desire to lash out, I felt embarrassed and it dented my confidence a bit.

I think if women were turned on the level men are on here, a lot of them would leave. I don't think women would have such a scatter gun approach though so I don't see it happening. I can understand why men do get frustrated and it must be disheartening. I don't agree with the level of vitriol some send out though.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 10/06/21 14:00:09]

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Ooo I really do like this question.

I think that there are very many men on here who conduct themselves with appropriate good grace. It's just that people overlook that cos it doesn't make a forum post.

"Man who was told no, accepts with dignity." Just wouldn't draw a tenth of the number of responses that "Man calls fat woman fat" thread would. We all love that negative drama and the image is drawn - albeit upside down.

There are many women on here who I believe are as lacking in self esteem and often cry 'insulted' without recognising or admitting that they lacked grace and took a level of patronising glee in voicing their 'no thankyou' ....... and getting what they gave.

Many women here on a day to day or hour to hour basis say , no thank you , in a polite way. Many men accept it in a polite way.

( I've just deleted a final paragraph cos I realised that if a man said it he'd be arrested )

Just call me Lucretia.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve been turned down before I just took it on the chin and moved on. We can’t all like everyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thinking about it i’d rather be rejected at the messaging stages than be someones pity or boredom shag and then be rejected after

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't make the first move apart from fabs and winks in the furom. I have been rejected by all of them. In the big bad world of fab I have interacted in quite a few chats that have died a death. If it wasn't for one person that has become a friend and some amazing women on here I would have left today,again.

I'm not really sure if that answers your question

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

I've only twice sent the first message to a guy on here - one ignored & blocked me, the other has become a lovely friend.

Being blocked played to all my insecurities around my age, my weight, my looks etc. It's why I never message first - I'd be so upset with constant rejection.

However, I would never message that many guys that it would be a constant thing.

I'm never rude to a guy on here unless he has had a pop at me first. It's brave to send a message - I'm not about to throw it back in anyone's face. I remember how it felt.x

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I suspect there would be a wide variety of responses, as there is with the menfolk.

Personally, I'm fully aware that not everyone is going to fancy me or like me as a person, that's true for everybody in every walk of life. Just because I find someone attractive, it doesn't mean that attraction is reciprocated. I certainly wouldn't be abusive to someone just because they don't want to get jiggy with me...what's the point in that?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I do believe that men are more likely to threaten women because they don't feel threatened by them.

I have, many times, been spoken to by men in a manner that they wouldn't have used to another man. I'm not talking ranting abuse here. I'm talking in simple everyday situations.

Example. In the supermarket yesterday, I was putting stuff on the belt from my trolley. When the bloke couldn't reach them he said , "Push them further along will you luv"....... Sounds harmless doesn't it - but the tone was one of disgruntlement..... now replace me with a 6ft 16 stone bloke ...... Just tell me he speak in a mardy manner to him ..... It's just one incident in a daily grind of such incidents. The kind of thing that women push down on a daily basis.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

I rarely make the first move for this very reason, I'll flirt in the forums and such but I'd never have the guts to actually straight out message and say what I actually want to say to the people I 'fancy' or would like to meet. I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea and I'm happy drifting along as I am, that said I won't meet anyone I'm not into.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

And to add if I did message and was rejected, I'd delete and move on

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Oh .... I think it relates because , societally it doesn't matter if a man ignores or insults or puts down a woman. It's a woman that's all.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I've been turned down on here and it's not a big deal even if it happened a lot I wouldn't be rude about it. It's normal that people won't find others attractive and I'm well aware I'm far from a model .What I don't understand is the abuse people send or get if they say no politely to someone else .There is never any need for that.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Rejection is a part a life. Some though on here seem to need validation and can't handle it when they don't get it.

Yes it does dent your confidence and those that say it doesn't are lying. I am however adult enough to brush it off and realise I am not everyone's cup of tea (nor do I want to be) x

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

This

Plus... I would do what I have done in the time I've been here and not rely on the site or the profiles on it to meet people.

When I want to meet, I GO OUT and fucking meet, in clubs, at events, to parties etc. I don't check my sent box to see if my precious "only way of getting laid" message has been read. If I want to meet I'm proactive, I make actual effort away from the keyboard not pretend effort and blame everyone else for my lack of getting nailed or making friends.

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By *agic.MMan
over a year ago

Orpington

I have been rejected many times...I am at an age of maturity where I understand I am not everyone's type ...and that moment of rejection is just a moment (of course I feel discouraged and sometimes it leads to low self esteem, but I know that feeling will eventually pass). I have never rejected any woman in an online environment(if I don't want to speak to someone, I simply don'tspeak), however I have worked as a male stripper in the past, and on many occasions I had to reject offers, yet their reactions were never respectful or polite, ranging from insulting me based on their presumption of my sexuality, my height, size of my penis or my masculinity...it was never pleasant, regardless how professional and respectful I tried to be (of course things are always more confrontational when alcohol is involved).

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By *nked_kittenWoman
over a year ago

Ankh Morpork

I do get rejected a lot on here. Most I don’t give a second thought. Some I’m disappointed about. But it would never occur to me to be nasty. I just block, delete and forget about them.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

When I was on a vanilla dating site a good few years back I'd contact a lot more prospective dates (the scattergun approach!) and consequently would sometimes get knocked back.

I didn't take it seriously and I didn't take it personally. Occasionally I'd think "oh well" , but it certainly didn't upset me.

I guess it depends in your self esteem and also how invested you are.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I think most would drown their sorrows in bottles of wine and gin, then abuse the men who rejected them.

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By *issAphroditeWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

Outside of Fab, women are *generally* less sexually entitled than men. We do live in a patriarchal society that is run by men for men and women have been socialised to fit into it.

We have lived with the male gaze since time eternal, where men have had freedom to comment on our bodies and sexual behaviour in a way that women have not been.

I think without that sense of entitlement and how we've been socialised to be "nice" and accommodating, the majority would see it as another extention of the natural order of things that they experience elsewhere.

Of course they wouldn't like it, nobody enjoys rejection but sadly, women are more used to not being in charge. I think that's part of the problem here as men are used to having the upper hand and this is one of the few places in which that's flipped and women sit at the top table.

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By *ydia_LovegoodWoman
over a year ago

St. Ives

This is very serendipitous as I sent out my very first initial message this mornin... And he read it but then just deleted..

... Hahahaha... And you know what I'm not bothered..

I'm not his type but I know I would be for someone else, so its cool

However if it happened on a regular basis you wouldn't be hu man if you didn't feel it at times..

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La

Well it depends what your seeing as rejection. I've send messages that go ignored or deleted. I don't see that so much as rejection. Conversations can just fizzle out. If you spent weeks talking, then nothing or asked to meet and was told no, I see that more a rejection.

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By *rMojoRisinMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Outside of Fab, women are *generally* less sexually entitled than men. We do live in a patriarchal society that is run by men for men and women have been socialised to fit into it.

We have lived with the male gaze since time eternal, where men have had freedom to comment on our bodies and sexual behaviour in a way that women have not been.

Can’t disagree with any of that, especially in light of the report this morning, about the routine sexual harassment, girls face in schools.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Well it depends what your seeing as rejection. I've send messages that go ignored or deleted. I don't see that so much as rejection. Conversations can just fizzle out. If you spent weeks talking, then nothing or asked to meet and was told no, I see that more a rejection.

I’m thinking more just being turned down in the first message or it just being ignored and deleted, I guess rejection is a harsh word for that, as you haven’t even had a conversation, it’s a straight out no thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm guessing the guys reading this will be surprised with the number of women that are turned down too.

Goes to show not all men want to nobble anything that moves and that they can be as selective as women. Also that it's not just one sided, women feel that sting of being turned down too.

It does exactly that with me, sting, but I'll just move on and deal with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On the back of Annie’s thread, where she mentioned some men say they wouldn’t look twice at some women after they’ve been rejected by her, it got me thinking if the boot was on the other foot, how do you think women would deal with constant rejection a lot of these men go through on here, do you think women would take it with good grace or have similar response, or would they not even bother in the first place ? "

Well, I get rejected or ignored when I send messages as I'm sure pretty much all guys do. I don't give a shit. Just accept it and move on.

Maybe most women would do that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Interesting responses, this will probably be the last time I start a serious thread though, cause I wasn’t sure how to engage with the replies without doing my usual schtick.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I’ve only ever sent messages relating to forum threads so don’t really know as never messaged anyone to meet. I can imagine it’s a bit shit to be rejected all the time though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve only ever sent messages relating to forum threads so don’t really know as never messaged anyone to meet. I can imagine it’s a bit shit to be rejected all the time though. "

I've been rejected through the forums, not even proposing meets. Just chatting about a thread then deleted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve only ever sent messages relating to forum threads so don’t really know as never messaged anyone to meet. I can imagine it’s a bit shit to be rejected all the time though. "

I thought of that before. You must have a tough skin to let it just wash over you. I started messaging first long time ago, as that allowed me to sort of "inoculate" myself against rejection. So what if a stranger I fancy doesn't fancy me back. Out of the many opportunities I have allowed myself to take on by taking a risk, most worked out well. And when I say well I don't mean sex or expectation of it. Just that it resulted in a nice chat here and there. I guess our own expectations hurt us here, not other people's replies or lack of them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think most would drown their sorrows in bottles of wine and gin, then abuse the men who rejected them.

Maybe punch some pillows too. Then angry hump them.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I’ve only ever sent messages relating to forum threads so don’t really know as never messaged anyone to meet. I can imagine it’s a bit shit to be rejected all the time though.

That’s true. I can totally see how it would knock confidence though, being constantly rejected. I don’t suppose I’ve really put myself in that position as all the people I’ve met messaged me first x

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I am very much an acquired taste. I've been rejected on here and in real life, and yes, it sucks.

I tend to brush it off and move on - if I find I'm taking it too seriously and it's impacting my happiness then I remove myself from the situation.

I used to get a LOT of rejection on a particular kink and fetish site. Most of the time it didn't bother me, but occasionally if someone was very rude in their rejection I would take time away to recover my equilibrium.

At no point did I give any abuse for being rejected. Someone else's taste is out of my control so I can't take that as some form of personal attack.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I’ve only ever sent messages relating to forum threads so don’t really know as never messaged anyone to meet. I can imagine it’s a bit shit to be rejected all the time though.

I've been rejected through the forums, not even proposing meets. Just chatting about a thread then deleted

"
blimey. I never delete or block forum people. I just put a private note on sometimes. I do games sometimes and it would

mean they couldn’t play which is a bit unfair.

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By *ear in the chairMan
over a year ago

yeah there

I swapped control of my profile with the Mrs for a week some years back. Although I got bored of the detritus she got sent and the sheer volume of dick pics with nothing else to the male profiles she was the first to admit, the ringing silence of a single male profile was just a tad demoralising.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Interesting responses, this will probably be the last time I start a serious thread though, cause I wasn’t sure how to engage with the replies without doing my usual schtick.

You don't always need to engage with a thread, it's been interesting reading different experiences, perceptions and feelings so thank you OP.

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By *anae21Woman
over a year ago

Nearer than you think

You become accustomed to it, sometimes internalise it, but mostly just shrug and move on.

No point in responding, it won't change anyone's mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s not always men who get rejected ....... woman do too..... but I think we deal with it a little better...... we don’t make a thread slagging every male and we don’t send messages to the person rejecting us asking why etc...... a lot of men moan they don’t get a simple no thanks but when they do they respond and hey ho the only way to answer it is to be rude then your all the fakes under the sun...... I think people should accept no response or deleted message as a no and move on....... we all face the rejection is how we handle it that differs ....... I have been rejected and that’s that...... we just don’t go down that road again xxxxxx

Sorry if this sounds like a rant xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have anxious attachment issues so for me to feel real rejection it’s got to be by a person who I’m emotionally invested in and have feelings for. Then it’s a case of absolute fear of being left, blaming myself, feeling like I’m not good enough and not even considering the fact that it could be that particular persons own issues and not something I’ve done.

As for being rejected on a note superficial level I don’t know how I would feel about that.

Don’t think I’ve ever had a message not responded to in the whole 11 years I’ve been here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my experience Ive found women get very nasty, not all but afair few have.

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

That's a really difficult question in all honesty. Rejection has never been an issue on fab as the owner of a vagina. In the real world, If with friends I have always become a wallflower to their popularity and it has never bothered me. But daily rejection? I guess that would start to feel shitty. If I have my current logic, I would message much fewer people (fewer rejections) and seriously tailor the messages.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I tell ya something though. Women on here totally face daily rejection. We're rejected as the human beings we are, we're rejected as peoooe who have their own minds, their own wants and desires, we're rejected as anything other than the on call vagina some folks expect or want us to be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I reject people if they aren’t what I am looking for - it’s set out in clear terms and repeated several times.

If they’re not what I’m looking for but message anyway then more fool them!

That’s the problem on here, men send out messages randomly and don’t bother looking at profiles first - so they need to man up and handle rejection

If I had sent out a message to someone having read their profile and thought I fit the bill - then got rejected. It’s fair enough. There’s tons of people on here, everyone has their preferences, and not everyone is for everyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One women openly admitted on the forum she went after a guy and the police wouldn't of stopped her. "

Where did I say that or was I commenting on a thread where a guy was having difficulty with a woman and I was trying to advise him on what action to take based off my understanding of the woman he was having difficulty with!?

Context, yeah. Context.

I’ll quote what I said

"Speaking as someone who is crazy who would do this sort of thing, having no outlet and being blocked would just amplify the whole thing and make me want to be even more crazy. Police threats or anything like that wouldn’t bother me or someone with a similar mindset, once you’ve crossed the line to crazy town and are emotionally invested, logic doesn’t come into play. The only thing that would work would be having all the answers and knowing the situation was down to my actions and not my looks or personality or anything else.

Nowhere did I say that I’ve actually gone after a guy and the police wouldn’t stop me.

It’s like you’re fucking obsessed with me. Jesus Christ.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I reject people if they aren’t what I am looking for - it’s set out in clear terms and repeated several times.

If they’re not what I’m looking for but message anyway then more fool them!

That’s the problem on here, men send out messages randomly and don’t bother looking at profiles first - so they need to man up and handle rejection

Ironically, you haven’t read the thread, cause that’s not the question that was asked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't be here if the ratio of F:M was as vast as M:F, I definitely would not be here.

Also, anyone with the slightest common sense knows we're all attracted to different types of peeps & we have absolutely no control over who we are attracted to hence rejection. Nobody is gonna meet someone they find unattractive.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I reject people if they aren’t what I am looking for - it’s set out in clear terms and repeated several times.

If they’re not what I’m looking for but message anyway then more fool them!

That’s the problem on here, men send out messages randomly and don’t bother looking at profiles first - so they need to man up and handle rejection

You are very very clear in your profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been rejected a lot over the years.

Sometimes it hurts - particularly if the person is rude or nasty about it - but I just move on.

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By *issAphroditeWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

"I tell ya something though. Women on here totally face daily rejection. We're rejected as the human beings we are, we're rejected as peoooe who have their own minds, their own wants and desires, we're rejected as anything other than the on call vagina some folks expect or want us to be."

Exactly. We live this shit ad infinitum.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"One women openly admitted on the forum she went after a guy and the police wouldn't of stopped her.

Context, yeah. Context.

I’ll quote what I said

Speaking as someone who is crazy who would do this sort of thing, having no outlet and being blocked would just amplify the whole thing and make me want to be even more crazy. Police threats or anything like that wouldn’t bother me or someone with a similar mindset, once you’ve crossed the line to crazy town and are emotionally invested, logic doesn’t come into play. The only thing that would work would be having all the answers and knowing the situation was down to my actions and not my looks or personality or anything else.

Nowhere did I say that I’ve actually gone after a guy and the police wouldn’t stop me.

It’s like you’re fucking obsessed with me. Jesus Christ. "

You completely, utterly and categorically did not say that - I was following the thread and admired you for your openness and insight, as was the OP and quite a few others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The ratio of men : women is ridiculous.. and you have to be open minded I think, remember you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea lol… be a gentleman and move on, there be someone out there for you on this site!

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

If I message a 1000 men on here it's only logical that I'd get rejections, so I look at it methodically as you gotta sift through that pile to find your gems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

good question op ..i think the truth for most would be very hard to handle and in fact a lot of women would not be here if constantly rejected ... me well im not sure because if fab was not here i would still get meets in fact most of my meets come from face to face flirting away from fab ...when we started swinging all those years ago we were friends with a old couple who kinda showed us the ins n outs it was said back the rejection is a massive part of swinging and i think today more so .. if i was a guy today i would not be on fab i think as a male it would destroy me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think women would reach a critical stage of melt down op

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I actually think if I experienced hundreds if rejection messages each day I'd find it hard. But luckily I wouldn't send out hundreds of messages to be rejected, as I'm really picky!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Somehow my mind chases things/people I am unlikely gonna get. It’s fucked up. Some of the guys I’d like to meet or fantasised about either have filters on me as I’m trans… why oh why am I like this!!

Of course I had amazing meets on here with studs but somehow, got these 3/4 guys on here they just bug me.. (time to call the therapist)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actually think if I experienced hundreds if rejection messages each day I'd find it hard. But luckily I wouldn't send out hundreds of messages to be rejected, as I'm really picky!"

Also this, tbf I experience this especially when YEARS AND YEARS ago pre transitioning I was trying to venture the realm of the gays. And guys basically are looking for ultra masculinity and a copy of themselves. So I was constantly getting rejected because I looked so feminine as a boy. So It sucks to be rejected over and over

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Interesting responses, this will probably be the last time I start a serious thread though, cause I wasn’t sure how to engage with the replies without doing my usual schtick.

That's a shame. You don't have to interact with replies if you don't want to.

I see it as a group chatting in a room. One person says something and they all discuss it. The people chat amongst themselves and the discussion can evolve with different thoughts brought up by different people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think many women would be put off after just a couple of rejections. They'd take it to heart and assume no-one would ever fancy them.

Many men seem to disbelieve that someone on a sex site wouldn't fuck them, and so they carry on messaging anyone online....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

75% would be relieved because they didn’t want to meet anyone anyway

The other 25% would leave having had their egos crushed

“Fab my pic”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone men or women get rejection. Its what it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think many women would be put off after just a couple of rejections. They'd take it to heart and assume no-one would ever fancy them.

Many men seem to disbelieve that someone on a sex site wouldn't fuck them, and so they carry on messaging anyone online.... "

That was literally me being scared to use dating apps, a bit because obviously I knew I was wrong in my own body but also because of the 10000 rejections from men. Luckily this doesn’t happen anymore

and I feel sexier than ever

But also I find the last thing you said to be so true, and they even carry on messaging after no responses x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection is here to stay, this life and the next

That's life then we die

I don't see the point in becoming abusive though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think many women would be put off after just a couple of rejections. They'd take it to heart and assume no-one would ever fancy them.

Many men seem to disbelieve that someone on a sex site wouldn't fuck them, and so they carry on messaging anyone online....

and I feel sexier than ever

But also I find the last thing you said to be so true, and they even carry on messaging after no responses x "

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I think most would drown their sorrows in bottles of wine and gin, then abuse the men who rejected them.

Maybe punch some pillows too. Then angry hump them.

Or fish out the huge dildo and fuck themselves savagely shouting "Who needs a fucking man anyway!!".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's a misconception that women don't get rejected on here, of course they do and I have experienced it too. Yes it's not nice but if you are taking things to heart and letting it effect your self esteem, fabs not the place to be. We can't be everyone's cup of tea on here or in real life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought I would get rejected on here. And I have been. Yes it's a knock to confidence and makes you want to quit but I'd never be abusive or rude about it. I'd probably sink into my own world of low self esteem and not say much.

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By *andycandy88Woman
over a year ago

Northolt

I've not seen the thread that inspired this one but it's 50/50. I've heard a woman play the race card when she's been rejected

but I personally would take it with grace. I can't be for everyone so I would wish a person well and move on xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think most would drown their sorrows in bottles of wine and gin, then abuse the men who rejected them.

Maybe punch some pillows too. Then angry hump them.

Or fish out the huge dildo and fuck themselves savagely shouting "Who needs a fucking man anyway!!"."

I'll take a leaf from you book !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*your

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By *andycandy88Woman
over a year ago

Northolt

"I think most would drown their sorrows in bottles of wine and gin, then abuse the men who rejected them.

Maybe punch some pillows too. Then angry hump them.

Or fish out the huge dildo and fuck themselves savagely shouting "Who needs a fucking man anyway!!"."

Loooool I reckon so too jojo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For every 2 rejections there's 1 that's interested

Millions of women on the planet

Why turn nasty?

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I’m going to stick my neck out and say.

More women would get disheartened and leave that men would.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Learning to sit with the feelings of being turned down when you make the initial advancement and interest has been a great learning experience for me. And only one I've become to explore more so in my 30s.

I suppose, historically I never had put myself in that position to allow the opportunity of being actively turned down (rejected) - most likely for fear of it.

On here, the best way I found has been for me to be the person who sends the first message, expresses the first interest, share pictures and be left open to either potential acceptance or a no thanks.

I also have been fortunate to have been turned down gracefully, and if the message is deleted then in that case words aren't even required. The former always makes me smile and I do value it, the latter provides a mechanism of ease.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women don't like the word NO

It infuriates the biggest percentage of them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Women don't like the word NO

It infuriates the biggest percentage of them

I love the word no

do you want a bj? No! Fine with me

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By *ilverjagMan
over a year ago

swansea

Whether you are a guy or a lady, I can never quite get my head around anyone being uptight about being on someone's reject pile, when every intelligent person knows that whether it's adult dating, or straight dating, it's a bit like waiting for a bus, it doesn't matter if you miss the first one, as there will be another one along in a minute. The situation that there are people in this world who we would sooner fight than fuck, is a fact of life, accept it and move on.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Women don't like the word NO

It infuriates the biggest percentage of them

One of my favourite words. Has been since I first uttered it.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I think I might start messaging the way above my league men to see what it feels like to get a rejection or two

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By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

Rejection,

No1 likes it.

Men or women

But 1 thing for sure

Few women like the word No. Lol

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I experience constant rejection on here. I send a face picture and get blocked. I send the first message and get ignored or blocked. I've been ignored on match making and question threads. I've been told I'm too fat, too old, have too much melanin, have too many verifications (mostly social) and more.

It is what it is. Rejection is part of the game. You either decide to stay or go.

I know if I deleted this profile and came back as a newbie I'd get messages. That isn't so true for men. That's the main difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been rejected quite a lot outside fab so when I joined here I joined with no expectations. I've never had any sense of entitlement on here and I definitely haven't been put on a pedestal with attention.

I don't send messages on here but I have had nasty vibe messages when I've politely told someone I wasn't interested. Had one guy turn up for a coffee meet and literally walk straight back out the door that knocked me for six, met a guy last year a few times only to be told that one to one sex wasn't doing it for him and would only be interested in a threesome. That has stung and I'm very hesitant about meeting anyone since

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I’ve always thought that the guys vs women experience on fab is two sides of the same coin.

Both want to meet people that they like (in general) but both struggle to get messages that they want from others.

The volume of messages that women receive doesn’t mean that they want those people, in that way, guys can be better off, in that they tend to receive messages from those that they are more likely to want to interact with.

In terms of handling rejection, I think that women on the whole tend to avoid situations where they can be rejected. Especially as gender politics dictate that men tend to be expected to be the aggressor in first contact and take the risks regards to rejection.

Some do lean into that dynamic in order to avoid rejection, others don’t. No one likes rejection though and everyone takes action, direct or indirect to mitigate its impact on ourselves. Aiming it at one gender is unfair

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

Treat people how you want to be treated.

If I want someone to engage with me, I properly engage with them. If they're not interested, or have other priorities, then so be it.

I do recognise how hard it must be for some guys with the odds stacked against them and if the situations were reversed, I probably wouldn't be on here, except for maybe finding out about socials. Real life interactions are far better in my opinion.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

I think with men it's more of a bruised ego, they'll come back with ridiculous lines about the woman being overweight or a lesbian, which makes no sense as why were you chasing her in the first place if you thought those things.

And with women, I think many would look inward and think it's something about themselves that's not good enough.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I'm constantly rejected on both here and dating sites but I'm not bitter!

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

My experience over the years is that if you reject a woman they are not confrontational, But pms and WhatsApp groups light up many times I have had female friends tell me what has been said on the FAB grapevine, just simply because of a simple no. Certainly not confrontational but definitely can be abusive and vicious

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