FabSwingers.com forum: Coming out

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So my 15 yr old son has come home from school today asking how do me and his dad feeling about the LGBTQ community.

My both my self and my Husband are both bi so we have no issues, but of course we have never shared this information with our kids.

My son has now informed us that he is bi sexual and I have this urge to cuddle him and cry and commend him for been so comfortable in himself, but on the other hand I also want to tell him to keep it private so he doesn't become a victim of bullying.

Was wondering if anybody has any advice for me xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From my experience with secondary school so far, being bi is so much more accepted now, and seems quite common from what I’m told.

I guess be guided by what he says?

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

It seems like it's so much more accepted now.

My friend's son at 12 is openly bisexual. It wasn't an issue at home or at school. We gravitate to those with similar views to our own so his mum, being bi herself, has loads of openly out friends.

She decided honesty was the best policy. Being super supportive as a parent. Open about her own sexuality but also open about the fact he may face homophobia and prejudice. But to remember he's the one living his best authentic life and they are the ones with issues.

I've found, for a the potential problems... Life is so much better and healthier out of the closet.

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By *oobyliciousnessWoman
over a year ago

outside Llanelli.

My daughter is 16 and at Christmas she told us that she is bi sexual. Both myself and her older sister had suspicions but waited until she feet comfortable informing us. It no issue for us what so ever.

But unfortunately she has had some issues from mainly boys at school !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like a brave fine young man to me.

Good luck to him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like a brave fine young man to me.

Good luck to him"

Seconded!

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

My son regularly crossdresses ironically (or something in the genes maybe) he’s 11 and I told him it’s best to keep some things private for now.

I do worry about when he comes out more and wants to express himself, but as he’s autistic I feel he’s got enough on his plate to deal with currently.

However if he did decide to be more open, then all I can do is support him and hope for the best.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for the advice and support, am just not sure about telling him about me

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

"From my experience with secondary school so far, being bi is so much more accepted now, and seems quite common from what I’m told.

I guess be guided by what he says?"

Yes my experience would agree with this. Kids are much more comfortable with this and will freely discuss their orientation these days.

Of course some will use it as a weapon, but if they didn't choose that, they'd find something else to pick on if they are that way inclined.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's so brave of him to tell you. You will love him as much what ever way he goes. X

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La

My daughter came out as bi this year at 15. She been battling depression and had a break down. I knew she was keeping something from me and the day she told me it alot made sense. It was a big contributing factor In her break down and her low self worth. I was the only one who knew for months. I didn't push her all kn her time and eventually she opened up more to other people. Every one has be great. I think when told me she was expecting more of a reaction when o just hugged her said I'm sorry she had not felt able to tell me sooner. It was a big step her coming out amd to terms with her identity amd who she is and worries she wouldn't be accepted for who who she is. If i had said " OK but let's not tell anyone " I'd be doing 1 thing she is was most scared off.? Making her ashamed of her identity, she isn't accepted. This is what the LBGT community fight do hard for as well as other, don't wanna make her hide but help her start to live. And she not there yet but her meds are working and other help

. she starting is to live again. Live your best life.

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By *inky_katrinaTV/TS
over a year ago

Glasgow

Embrace and encourage, was never as brave as your son, still have nightmares about telling my parents, as a 42 year old I have spent a most of my life closeted only recently outing myself to my sister. Times have changed most of the younger generation are more enlightened, my 16 year old niece now knows and loves her new part, eventually full time auntie. All I can say is encourage him to be himself and be there when times are hard. Hiding it only has a negative impact on mental health. Best wishes

Luv Kat xxx

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Thanks for the advice and support, am just not sure about telling him about me"

Can I ask why not? He's felt comfortable enough to tell you about him.

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By *angria_girlukWoman
over a year ago

LUTON

"Thanks for the advice and support, am just not sure about telling him about me"

Are you afraid? Or ashamed of your sexuality? Have you and your partner kept it "away from the kids"?

It's PRIDE month,

and bisexuality can be a tricky topic. Sometimes seen as "not good enough" for either hetro or homo culture from my experience on the sidelines.

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

"Thanks for the advice and support, am just not sure about telling him about me

Are you afraid? Or ashamed of your sexuality? Have you and your partner kept it "away from the kids"?

It's PRIDE month,

and bisexuality can be a tricky topic. Sometimes seen as "not good enough" for either hetro or homo culture from my experience on the sidelines. "

Bit harsh assuming someone is afraid or ashamed when it might just be a awkward discussion for other reasons.

Our eldest came out as bi years ago. They where informed at that point that mom was bi. We had never mentioned the fact mom was bi before because it wasnt relevant. We are in a happy loving relationship and unless we broke up and mom started a woman, why tell the kids. It only plays a part in our swinging lifestyle and that's a whole different conversation we dont want to have.

Then again, we have multiple family members who are gay and have been openly supportive of the lgbtq community our child whole life so being anywhere on lgbtq spectrum makes no difference within our family and social cirlces.

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"Thanks for the advice and support, am just not sure about telling him about me

Are you afraid? Or ashamed of your sexuality? Have you and your partner kept it "away from the kids"?

It's PRIDE month,

and bisexuality can be a tricky topic. Sometimes seen as "not good enough" for either hetro or homo culture from my experience on the sidelines.

Bit harsh assuming someone is afraid or ashamed when it might just be a awkward discussion for other reasons.

I'm trying to wonder what the other reasons might be.

If your child has been brave enough to open up about their sexuality, I can't comprehend not being able to support them in that by being honest yourself.

By not being honest about your own sexuality it actually just reinforces the negative things and reinforces your idea that being in the closet might be best (I get every parent wants to protect their child but closets just cause long term harm, an understanding supportive parent means the world...

The most amazing thing for me this weekend was my hetro mum asking me to buy her a pride t-shirt. I am in my 40s and not gonna lie I cried. That meant the world.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No I am very happy with my sexuality, and I don't hide it, if fact I may be to honest sometimes.

I just don't want to drop to much on his plate for him to handle.

And as another poster said I love his dad and am happy with him so unless we separated and I began seeing a women then telling the child didn't seem an issue

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"No I am very happy with my sexuality, and I don't hide it, if fact I may be to honest sometimes.

I just don't want to drop to much on his plate for him to handle.

And as another poster said I love his dad and am happy with him so unless we separated and I began seeing a women then telling the child didn't seem an issue "

It doesn't change your sexuality though. In fact if your son is bi it's even more helpful to know that being in a hetrosexual relationship doesn't change your sexuality... Too many people think it will.

If your honest with your son, and you explain it well, I suspect it will be less 'dropping it on his plate' and more showing you empathise with how brave he was to come out and how you totally understand because you have been there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's great that kids feel they can come out as LGBTQ+ these days. It's a tribute to the loving parents, who have made them secure in themselves. But I wonder how much sex education you get at schools these days. Do they really give kids the facts on bisexuality, and how one person's bisexuality might differ from another's.

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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago

Derbyshire village

Good for him.

I get you, part of you wants to fire off a party popper and part of you wants to nod sagely and tell him that you're there if he needs anything.

Not sure how I'd handle it, but I'd hope with a smile and "okay, thanks for letting me know".

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

In the next generation of my family we have 2 bisexuals, 1 non binary and an asexual. None of them have faced anything much. Cis gender heterosexuals will soon be the minority.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Being bi or non binary is the vogue in the early teens at my daughters high school.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I work with young adults and it’s even more acceptable to be bi than straight it seems so I wouldn’t tell him to keep it quiet

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So I told him I am bi sexual, he was like no mum ya can't be lol.

I explained that the only reason it was never discussed with him as it had no relevance in our everyday family life.

He thinks I'm pretty cool and from a 15 yr old I'll take that.

A massive thank you to everyone of you this evening XXX

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

My partner Hannah did a university course as a mature student a couple of years ago and we got to know a lot of young people and what they got up to. I get the impression that bring straight is just soooo 90s.

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"So I told him I am bi sexual, he was like no mum ya can't be lol.

I explained that the only reason it was never discussed with him as it had no relevance in our everyday family life.

He thinks I'm pretty cool and from a 15 yr old I'll take that.

A massive thank you to everyone of you this evening XXX

Yey

I'm led to believe being cool is a high achievement in the eyes of a 15 year old...

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"My partner Hannah did a university course as a mature student a couple of years ago and we got to know a lot of young people and what they got up to. I get the impression that bring straight is just soooo 90s."

it's great. Younger generations don't have to face the fear/shame that we have, whole it means they may not understand the struggles older generations have faced, it does mean we are getting closer and closer to a future where there won't be the need for activism...

And that's what makes it worth my struggles, and the struggles of those who went before me.

It makes my heart sing

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