FabSwingers.com forum: Would you date someone with a terminal illness eg Amyloidosis?

By *aybelater69 OP Woman
over a year ago

Guildford

Recently I met up with this super cute guy who on the 3rd date told me he had Amyloidosis and only 3 years left to live. I Don't know if I should go with the flow or get out of the situation as it can only end in heartache. Anyone else dated anyone who was terminally ill?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I met my late wife in 2010, she told me she had 10 years tops due to various things. Married her in 2013. She died in 2016, we did more in those 6 years than many couples do in a lifetime, if it feels right enjoy everything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't. I'd have to walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I wouldn't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As bad as this sounds, a death could be easier to get over than a normal break up. At least you know they died loving you and wouldn’t go on to meet anyone else.

I’d stick with him, poor fuckers dying and now he’s gonna get dumped as well, talk about kicking a guy when he’s down, that’s close lining him, jumping on him from the top rope, eye gauging him and putting him in a sleeper.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I have young children I'm not sure it would be the right thing for me or them.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"I have young children I'm not sure it would be the right thing for me or them. "

I watched my best friend die of a terminal illness, it broke my heart to absolute shreads seeing someone I love suffer so much. It massively impacted my life. I don't regret knowing her she made my life better, bit unsure I could do it again.

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

T was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma 10 months after we met. We hadn’t told our families about each other. The 1st time I met his family & T met my children was in the hospital. We had no idea what the outcome would be at the time.

Nearly 5 years later he is still here so different circumstances to yours but if I had to do it all again I would.

Have you done much research on his illness & how it might effect him over the next few years? It’s a tough call & there is no right or wrong answer Sending love xx

J x

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By *andycandy88Woman
over a year ago

Northolt

No I couldn't cope with it all xx

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Recently I met up with this super cute guy who on the 3rd date told me he had Amyloidosis and only 3 years left to live. I Don't know if I should go with the flow or get out of the situation as it can only end in heartache. Anyone else dated anyone who was terminally ill?"

At the risk of sounding like Simon Bates and playing the theme tune to "Our Tune".

"do-dee-dooo-doo-dee-dee-doo"

Do it.

Make his last years the best ever and shag his brains out, be his best friend and confidant, as when the the time comes, his family will be so grateful, that he didn't have to go it alone. Friends and family can only offer so much, a caring partner can provide that all too neglected sexual spark.

Even if they don't know about his FAB life: you might even extend it by a few weeks, months or even years.

Nobody wants to face it alone: he told you because he knows a good'un when he sees it. The emotions will be strong, but well, well worth it.

Sex is so powerful, in lifting people out of those dark days of depression. It's the one thing the hospices can't provide. The thought of waking up in someone's arms, naked and warm: you can't put a price on it. It should be on prescription.

-----------------------

On a vanilla note....

I had a workmate who was dying, so in the last 6 weeks or so I took him to Hunstanton, for the chips, then to Market Deeping for the best fishcake and chips again. The smile and freedom was magical. It's the little things that make the pain go away, if only for a while.

At his cremation, his former boss told me how she heard about what I did. She was well impressed, as this was the sort of thing others thought about but never did. That felt good, real good.

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By *xploring_FunWoman
over a year ago

Coventry

Having been through the heartache and stress of my late husband’s illness - no, unless I was in love, or thought I was going to be very much in love, with someone I wouldn’t get involved.

It’s exhausting mentally and physically. And takes a toll.

Also, having seen some horrible examples of it through a couple of support groups I’d be quite suspicious of someone who wasn’t up front about a short (and rather specific) prognosis on date one or two.

Fake terminal illness is actually quite a commonly used tactic to reel people in, either to get sex or money.

I’m not saying that’s what is the case, but I’d certainly want to do some research and be very cautious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends if the connection and chemistry is strong enough.

If it feels right go with it. Surely it's better to have a few incredible years than a lifetime of beige.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Having been through the heartache and stress of my late husband’s illness - no, unless I was in love, or thought I was going to be very much in love, with someone I wouldn’t get involved.

It’s exhausting mentally and physically. And takes a toll.

Fake terminal illness is actually quite a commonly used tactic to reel people in, either to get sex or money.

I’m not saying that’s what is the case, but I’d certainly want to do some research and be very cautious. "

I never thought about that, it's sickening that conmen and women stoop so low.

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By *yron69Man
over a year ago

Fareham

To walk away reminds me of an officer who fell into the snow at Stalingrad as he was being matched into captivity. A Russian noticed he howled like a dog as his comrades marched on without him.

We all die. We may well fall . I hope someone would come to my side if I faced the last leg alone.

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By *aybelater69 OP Woman
over a year ago

Guildford

"Having been through the heartache and stress of my late husband’s illness - no, unless I was in love, or thought I was going to be very much in love, with someone I wouldn’t get involved.

It’s exhausting mentally and physically. And takes a toll.

Fake terminal illness is actually quite a commonly used tactic to reel people in, either to get sex or money.

I’m not saying that’s what is the case, but I’d certainly want to do some research and be very cautious. "

Thanks Exploring Fun. I am going to look into it because there have been some inconsistencies into what he's been saying. Plus I read that it is an extremely rare illness. And that he is an ex royal marine..but he hasn't any pics of himself on deployments. My friend told me I should be hearing alarm bells ringing so I am keeping a bit of distance till I know more. X

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I would want to help make his last years as happy as possible, but my heart would break every time I looked at him and knew he was dying.

If you stay you're a very brave woman.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"Having been through the heartache and stress of my late husband’s illness - no, unless I was in love, or thought I was going to be very much in love, with someone I wouldn’t get involved.

It’s exhausting mentally and physically. And takes a toll.

Fake terminal illness is actually quite a commonly used tactic to reel people in, either to get sex or money.

I’m not saying that’s what is the case, but I’d certainly want to do some research and be very cautious.

I was just thinking it may be a ploy to keep you around.

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

We are all dying and to truly appreciate this life we must learn to accept that. Many of us do not know the time or place of our death, some of us are cursed to know.

OP I cannot know your heart, but if you have fallen in love with this man, then I would say you should listen to that heart. It is an unfortunate sadness in this life that tomorrow could be our last, so tonight love.

It is better to suffer the pain of loss than the regent that fear of pain brings. You cannot cross the ocean if you fear losing sight of the shore.

Be well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its the person that you date , not the illness .

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Its the person that you date , not the illness . "

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"Its the person that you date , not the illness . "

Yes, but if you're there at the end it's going to be very hard.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't think after three dates you can decide if you can make that commitment.

If I liked the person I would continue to date them but I'd be upfront and say that it wouldn't influence me if in six months we turned out to be incompatible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go for it if you like him

Bonus: He’s unlikely to cheat or dump you for someone else

I’d 100% date someone with a life limiting illness, a terminal illness or missing limbs - none of that matters to me so long as he has good morals, values and treats people with respect

But … if after a few dates you feel he’s not right for you don’t feel bad if you kick him to the kerb and move on.

Life has no guarantees.. whether that be how long you live or how compatible you are … you/he could be hit by a bus tomorrow and that’s be it. Live for today, tomorrow may never come

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Go for it if you like him

Bonus: He’s unlikely to cheat or dump you for someone else

I’d 100% date someone with a life limiting illness, a terminal illness or missing limbs - none of that matters to me so long as he has good morals, values and treats people with respect

But … if after a few dates you feel he’s not right for you don’t feel bad if you kick him to the kerb and move on.

Life has no guarantees.. whether that be how long you live or how compatible you are … you/he could be hit by a bus tomorrow and that’s be it. Live for today, tomorrow may never come

I'd say missing limbs is a different kettle of fish to life limiting/terminal illness. I do understand why someone might be cautious or unwilling to date someone who is going to or is very likely to need major care or die soon. That's a very hard emotional and mental burden to take as a partner.

Have limbs missing isn't usually going to have any impact on the length of life and may well have little to no impact on quality of life either. You can completely self sufficient and live a "normal" life with one leg as well as with two. All my amputee mates are perfectly independent and date just as anyone else might do.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"I wouldn't. I'd have to walk away. "

Me too I'm afraid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On another site years ago I use to meet a woman who had breast cancer.

Her confidence was at an all time low when we first started chatting, took a long time to get to meet her, but we did and most of the time she just wanted to be held ,kissed and made to feel more than she felt inside.

Sometimes she was so unwell laying down together was all we could do, but it didn't matter, it took great courage for her to reveal herself to me and was so fearful of rejection.

I was still meeting her close to her passing just so she didn't go alone.

And that was something she got upset about, being alone, feeling ugly.

All I had to do was hold her, make her smile.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

It’s not something I would choose for myself because of all the sadness at the end.

But we can’t help who we fall in love with. And I do think it is better to experience love than to not, and if that comes with pain then the good memories of what you had will endure to get you through it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think being with someone who is dying is a really big emotional commitment with more downsides than up. You essentially become a carer for someone who you only know a short time and that's tough to deal with long after the other person has passed on. Personally I would have to walk away from starting a relationship with a stranger because it would take too much of a toll on me.

If you had known him previously then it would be different. Your feelings for him would be established without guilt or obligation

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"I don't think after three dates you can decide if you can make that commitment.

If I liked the person I would continue to date them but I'd be upfront and say that it wouldn't influence me if in six months we turned out to be incompatible."

Exactly this. I’m not going to make any sort of commitment to someone I’ve known a short time. Get to know them and if you fit well together then decide. Until then it’s just dating someone. Any illness is irrelevant.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I find it hard to write anything without appearing glib, callous or sentimental!

I can only imagine how hard watching your partner die must be, the emotional and physical toll that it would take on you.

*If* you choose to go ahead with it, make sure that you have support around you as well as them.

As someone else said; make sure that it’s not a story used to garner attention and cash, I’ve known that happen to people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a tough one. On one hand I’d always be thinking of the brilliant times we could have had if I said no. On the other, the pain and grief is going to be immense. Good luck OP with your choice, it’s definitely not an easy one

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

I wouldn’t date someone if they were over an hour away

Sorry but it’s a no from me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As bad as this sounds, a death could be easier to get over than a normal break up. At least you know they died loving you and wouldn’t go on to meet anyone else.

Don’t forget the tombstone

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