FabSwingers.com forum: Is it manipulation?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When someone makes a negative comment about themselves where they povide a reason for why you won't be interested in them.

You're almost backed into a corner where you either have to reject them and state why or tell them in that moment that you are.

Either way it's forcing an answer isn't it? Or trying to guilt you into fucking them?

Of course, we don't even have to respond and could block or delete.

But is it manipulation?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I struggle when someone says your pretty for example. Because the first thing I want to do is say no I'm not and give a load of reasons why. And it's due to low self confidence.

So I guess it could be someone trying to be more confident but giving themselves an escape route in case you say something that may hurt their feelings. Although I can see how it can be used to manipulate and try and force a conversation also.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know what it is

But if you're not interested and they're backing you into a corner for a response - then responding is just inviting more interactions you're not interested in having.

So what is the point?

Delete.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't know what it is

But if you're not interested and they're backing you into a corner for a response - then responding is just inviting more interactions you're not interested in having.

So what is the point?

Delete."

What if it is was a forum user you got on well with?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, I don’t think it's manipulation

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Potentially.

If it’s done purposefully to elicit that reaction, then yes.

Sympathy sex is a real thing and for some people, they don’t care how they get it.

If the intent is to draw sympathy from you and to effectively gain from that, then its manipulation. My ex wife uses sympathy as a hold over people and used it as a way to manipulate me for years

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Yes and in some situations it could be considered emotional abuse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know what it is

But if you're not interested and they're backing you into a corner for a response - then responding is just inviting more interactions you're not interested in having.

So what is the point?

Delete.

What if it is was a forum user you got on well with? "

Then I think it's OK to say you're not interested in them that way.

It's awkward - but really if they're asking for a reason why you're not interested then they should be prepared for the answer.

I think if someone isn't getting a hint then you need to be direct to prevent further awkwardness.

In a nice way

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"I don't know what it is

But if you're not interested and they're backing you into a corner for a response - then responding is just inviting more interactions you're not interested in having.

So what is the point?

Delete.

What if it is was a forum user you got on well with? "

Why would it being a forum user affect your response?

A person you get on well with, but ignores or doesn’t appreciate your position doesn’t seem like the kind of person I would want in my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

self depreciation is in the main, a self defence mechanism for those suffering a lack of self esteem or confidence. i doubt its manipulation - best advice as stated above, delete and move on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't know what it is

But if you're not interested and they're backing you into a corner for a response - then responding is just inviting more interactions you're not interested in having.

So what is the point?

Delete.

What if it is was a forum user you got on well with?

Then I think it's OK to say you're not interested in them that way.

It's awkward - but really if they're asking for a reason why you're not interested then they should be prepared for the answer.

I think if someone isn't getting a hint then you need to be direct to prevent further awkwardness.

In a nice way

Can be very awkward indeed. Especially when text can be taken the wrong or come across more aggressive than intended.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"When someone makes a negative comment about themselves where they povide a reason for why you won't be interested in them.

You're almost backed into a corner where you either have to reject them and state why or tell them in that moment that you are.

Either way it's forcing an answer isn't it? Or trying to guilt you into fucking them?

Of course, we don't even have to respond and could block or delete.

But is it manipulation? "

You don't have to reject them or correct them. You could just ignore their negativity, or tell them that it's all relative, or different folk like different things etc...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When someone makes a negative comment about themselves where they povide a reason for why you won't be interested in them.

You're almost backed into a corner where you either have to reject them and state why or tell them in that moment that you are.

Either way it's forcing an answer isn't it? Or trying to guilt you into fucking them?

Of course, we don't even have to respond and could block or delete.

But is it manipulation? "

Hahahahaha not sure if this is a hit on my thread 'Honesty', but well im not looking for sympathy sex, how gross wud that be sex n the other person doesnt really want to, thats weird thing to suggest. I mearly stated facts about myself that has made me decide to have no expectations anymore and to not send messages but to live on the Forum where so many have been so supportive n genuine in their adice n positiveness. Its been lovely to communicate at last.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"self depreciation is in the main, a self defence mechanism for those suffering a lack of self esteem or confidence. i doubt its manipulation - best advice as stated above, delete and move on.

That’s very true but for some it’s used as a tool or affectation.

It’s very nuanced and it’s not to say that people who are suffering with low self esteem aren’t worthy of sympathy but the two aren’t mutually exclusive, someone with low self esteem can still be manipulating people and be deserving of empathy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's casual interaction on here you're referring to then it's perhaps more useful to reassess how you construct and implement your own personal boundaries

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When someone makes a negative comment about themselves where they povide a reason for why you won't be interested in them.

You're almost backed into a corner where you either have to reject them and state why or tell them in that moment that you are.

Either way it's forcing an answer isn't it? Or trying to guilt you into fucking them?

Of course, we don't even have to respond and could block or delete.

But is it manipulation?

I'm not sure I've even read your thread and I have I don't remember it. This wasn't in relation to any other thread at all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm just curious as the responses and views of others. I think we've all at some point had messages that say something along the lines of....

I know you'd not even consider me, I'm not good looking enough for you, I'm out of your league... Etc followed by something that wants a response to if you would or wouldn't.

I personally find them horrible messages. I wouldn't go round messaging people saying I wasn't in to them and why so why should someone try and force it. To me it seems like manipulation in some instances. To me it seems like they want you to feel bad or sorry for them. Just my view. But I hate those kind of messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When someone makes a negative comment about themselves where they povide a reason for why you won't be interested in them.

You're almost backed into a corner where you either have to reject them and state why or tell them in that moment that you are.

Either way it's forcing an answer isn't it? Or trying to guilt you into fucking them?

Of course, we don't even have to respond and could block or delete.

But is it manipulation?

I'm not sure I've even read your thread and I have I don't remember it. This wasn't in relation to any other thread at all. "

OK fair enough, it was a popular thread from this morning, no worries X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When someone makes a negative comment about themselves where they povide a reason for why you won't be interested in them.

You're almost backed into a corner where you either have to reject them and state why or tell them in that moment that you are.

Either way it's forcing an answer isn't it? Or trying to guilt you into fucking them?

Of course, we don't even have to respond and could block or delete.

But is it manipulation?

I'm not sure I've even read your thread and I have I don't remember it. This wasn't in relation to any other thread at all.

OK fair enough, it was a popular thread from this morning, no worries X"

I've hardly been on today in fairness and not really been paying much attention when I have. Been busy doing life etc. Really wasn't aimed at anyone. It's all good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Potentially.

If it’s done purposefully to elicit that reaction, then yes.

Sympathy sex is a real thing and for some people, they don’t care how they get it.

If the intent is to draw sympathy from you and to effectively gain from that, then its manipulation. My ex wife uses sympathy as a hold over people and used it as a way to manipulate me for years"

I agree with this. It’s not nice of the other person to make you feel that way and put you in that position, it’s very awkward. If I was in your position I’d just block and delete. I’ve had it done to me a couple of times and it’s a horrible feeling when someone uses something to get sympathy. I think it is very manipulative.

It’s horrible...

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

It’s a difficult one. There’s a lot of similar threads too. People knocking themselves etc. I tend to stay away from those threads as I never know what to say. We all lack self confidence at times but to be honest it puts me off when people post it or message it. same as all this out of my league bollocks. I mean this in a nice way, it would just personally put me off x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When someone makes a negative comment about themselves where they povide a reason for why you won't be interested in them.

You're almost backed into a corner where you either have to reject them and state why or tell them in that moment that you are.

Either way it's forcing an answer isn't it? Or trying to guilt you into fucking them?

Of course, we don't even have to respond and could block or delete.

But is it manipulation?

I'm not sure I've even read your thread and I have I don't remember it. This wasn't in relation to any other thread at all.

OK fair enough, it was a popular thread from this morning, no worries X

I've hardly been on today in fairness and not really been paying much attention when I have. Been busy doing life etc. Really wasn't aimed at anyone. It's all good. "

cool

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

There's a lot of it goes on in the forum! It's weird

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

If they are a forum user they probably want to dig a big hole and bury themselves in it so your problem has been solved!

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Messages like that just get deleted

Sometimes I might tell them that sort of attitude isn't attractive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I send a face pic and they say oh your gorgeous or similar I just think your only saying that cause you fancy a shag. Very low confidence till I know someone, but I'm working on it.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I don't like them because I do have a bleeding heart and feel guilty for saying no. I'm not sure if it's manipulation as such, perhaps they do genuinely feel that way. I just know it makes me feel awful and then puts me in an awkward position of having to try and gently say no.

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La

I get fed up with the increasing amount of "pity parties" thrown on lately. Trying to guilt trip people into your life almost. When someone comes into your life, no matter how big or smaller part they are in it, it shoul be to lighten up your world, even if just a little, not to bring their own shadows to darker yours.

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

"When someone makes a negative comment about themselves where they povide a reason for why you won't be interested in them.

You're almost backed into a corner where you either have to reject them and state why or tell them in that moment that you are.

Either way it's forcing an answer isn't it? Or trying to guilt you into fucking them?

Of course, we don't even have to respond and could block or delete.

But is it manipulation? "

Some people just are not good with compliments

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By *an4funMan
over a year ago

london

"What if it is was a forum user you got on well with? "

Then he will see this thread and get the message if that's the case

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

I don't think it's manipulation, I'm not going to change my feelings towards someone because they tell me why I won't like them etc. I either like them or I don't and their feelings about themself doesn't change my feelings about them.

Saying this I'm not easily manipulated unless you offer me cake or chocolate but don't tell anyone

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"When someone makes a negative comment about themselves where they povide a reason for why you won't be interested in them.

You're almost backed into a corner where you either have to reject them and state why or tell them in that moment that you are.

Either way it's forcing an answer isn't it? Or trying to guilt you into fucking them?

Of course, we don't even have to respond and could block or delete.

But is it manipulation?

Some people just are not good with compliments"

I took it to mean they lead with the negative rather than responding to a compliment.....

I've certainly seen an increase in messages that start with 'I know I'm not your type and you'd never meet me but....'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure if it's manipulation, it does feel that way sometimes. Either way, a message like that just comes off as a 'woe is me' pity party thing and that absolutely puts me off so I'd simply delete and move on.

I understand people feel that way, I also have self esteem issues, but I wouldn't dream of putting them on to someone else, whether to get sympathy sex or just to fish for compliments.

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By *irty desireWoman
over a year ago

newcatle

"I don't know what it is

But if you're not interested and they're backing you into a corner for a response - then responding is just inviting more interactions you're not interested in having.

So what is the point?

Delete.

What if it is was a forum user you got on well with? "

It is and it’s horrible.. when you give a reason why not they come back with another reason and so on .. and yes its hard when its a formite but stand your ground.. x

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I'm not sure if it's manipulation, it does feel that way sometimes. Either way, a message like that just comes off as a 'woe is me' pity party thing and that absolutely puts me off so I'd simply delete and move on.

I understand people feel that way, I also have self esteem issues, but I wouldn't dream of putting them on to someone else, whether to get sympathy sex or just to fish for compliments. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't like them because I do have a bleeding heart and feel guilty for saying no. I'm not sure if it's manipulation as such, perhaps they do genuinely feel that way. I just know it makes me feel awful and then puts me in an awkward position of having to try and gently say no."

I feel the same.

And saying no to someone you'd happily be friends with is harder.

Obviously saying no may mean they don't want to talk anymore and not be a friend as they proved they were only after one thing. But it's still crap.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

IT is what IT is and if you don't know yourself then I doubt any of these randy folk will be able to tell you. However, what YOU make of it or the impact it has on YOU depends on how YOU react. If in doubt I'd ignore and see if it repeats and then maybe you'll have your answer?

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By *ck BasswardsMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I don't know what it is

But if you're not interested and they're backing you into a corner for a response - then responding is just inviting more interactions you're not interested in having.

So what is the point?

Delete.

What if it is was a forum user you got on well with?

It is and it’s horrible.. when you give a reason why not they come back with another reason and so on .. and yes its hard when its a formite but stand your ground.. x"

Er you said you would keep this on the downlow... this is not the downlow.....

hahaha

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

This has been tried on me multiple times, I usually just say something along the lines of 'you're right, I'm far too awesome for the likes of you

Then go about my day, I'm not here to stroke egos and I don't expect it myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just agree with them and say that’s why you’re not interested! ??

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By *rMojoRisinMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"When someone makes a negative comment about themselves where they povide a reason for why you won't be interested in them.

You're almost backed into a corner where you either have to reject them and state why or tell them in that moment that you are.

Either way it's forcing an answer isn't it? Or trying to guilt you into fucking them?

Of course, we don't even have to respond and could block or delete.

But is it manipulation? "

Yes.

But don’t believe me, I’m far too simple and unloveable to have an opinion.

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

Yes. It is manipulation, well , attempted manipulation.

It’s only manipulation if you let it affect your response, so it’s up to you really.

Personally I give it short thrift, either here or in general.

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By *irty desireWoman
over a year ago

newcatle

"I don't know what it is

But if you're not interested and they're backing you into a corner for a response - then responding is just inviting more interactions you're not interested in having.

So what is the point?

Delete.

What if it is was a forum user you got on well with?

It is and it’s horrible.. when you give a reason why not they come back with another reason and so on .. and yes its hard when its a formite but stand your ground.. x

Er you said you would keep this on the downlow... this is not the downlow.....

hahaha"

With the compliments you give al stick with you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"IT is what IT is and if you don't know yourself then I doubt any of these randy folk will be able to tell you. However, what YOU make of it or the impact it has on YOU depends on how YOU react. If in doubt I'd ignore and see if it repeats and then maybe you'll have your answer?

In that case I'll be the ruthless me and block

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"self depreciation is in the main, a self defence mechanism for those suffering a lack of self esteem or confidence. i doubt its manipulation - best advice as stated above, delete and move on.

I sometimes fall into that trap by stating I'm probably not what someone is looking for. It isn't intentional and I'll never accept a pity fuck, just sometimes low self esteem overrides any confidence you have.

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By *ck BasswardsMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I don't know what it is

But if you're not interested and they're backing you into a corner for a response - then responding is just inviting more interactions you're not interested in having.

So what is the point?

Delete.

What if it is was a forum user you got on well with?

It is and it’s horrible.. when you give a reason why not they come back with another reason and so on .. and yes its hard when its a formite but stand your ground.. x

Er you said you would keep this on the downlow... this is not the downlow.....

hahaha

With the compliments you give al stick with you

You dont like my compliments? :’-(

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Potentially.

If it’s done purposefully to elicit that reaction, then yes.

Sympathy sex is a real thing and for some people, they don’t care how they get it.

If the intent is to draw sympathy from you and to effectively gain from that, then its manipulation. My ex wife uses sympathy as a hold over people and used it as a way to manipulate me for years"

Very well said!!!!

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

How well do you know this person? If the answer is not very, it’s time to say goodbye.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

If it was on a thread I'd just ignore it. But in PM or in person, I'd just tell them the truth in a nice but firm way...and add that I like chatting to them as just a friend if that is indeed the case.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on who says it. If it's a friend I'd find it really weird and wouldn't feel bad about saying no. They can get a sympathy shag elsewhere.

Probably the same for a stranger too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think so, it’s a way of easing you into something that’s awkward, by soften you up first by being passively defensive, they are defending themselves from getting hurt, if you say no you’re not interested, they’re not the ones being rude, they have set you up to feel under pressure to answer the next question politely, because you’ve already partially agreed to it.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"I think so, it’s a way of easing you into something that’s awkward, by soften you up first by being passively defensive, they are defending themselves from getting hurt, if you say no you’re not interested, they’re not the ones being rude, they have set you up to feel under pressure to answer the next question politely, because you’ve already partially agreed to it. "

They're the ones being rude though and if they're going to make you feel like you need to give a answer, it's up to them to take whatever the answer is and just accept than as what that one person thinks in their own mind. Doesn't make it factual as it's a personal statement and that is all.

If you ask a question and you know that the answer might hurt, you really got to ask yourself, do you really need to know that much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When someone makes a negative comment about themselves where they povide a reason for why you won't be interested in them.

You're almost backed into a corner where you either have to reject them and state why or tell them in that moment that you are.

Either way it's forcing an answer isn't it? Or trying to guilt you into fucking them?

Of course, we don't even have to respond and could block or delete.

But is it manipulation? "

So if I said...you won't have sex with me because im fat....

You wouldn't have sex with me to make me feel better would you? Or would you? Joking x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you ask a question and you know that the answer might hurt, you really got to ask yourself, do you really need to know that much "

I know that, I was showing the thinking behind it and why some men do it, didn’t think I’d need to explain that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeh I would say it was a form of manipulation. I absolutely hate that awkward feeling from those types of messages

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

If you ask a question and you know that the answer might hurt, you really got to ask yourself, do you really need to know that much

I know that, I was showing the thinking behind it and why some men do it, didn’t think I’d need to explain that. "

I know so I don't know why you just did either

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"When someone makes a negative comment about themselves where they povide a reason for why you won't be interested in them.

You're almost backed into a corner where you either have to reject them and state why or tell them in that moment that you are.

Either way it's forcing an answer isn't it? Or trying to guilt you into fucking them?

Of course, we don't even have to respond and could block or delete.

But is it manipulation? "

Not if you agree with them.

It’ll soon stop that strategy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you ask a question and you know that the answer might hurt, you really got to ask yourself, do you really need to know that much

I know that, I was showing the thinking behind it and why some men do it, didn’t think I’d need to explain that.

I know so I don't know why you just did either

Because you missed my point entirely.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

If you ask a question and you know that the answer might hurt, you really got to ask yourself, do you really need to know that much

I know that, I was showing the thinking behind it and why some men do it, didn’t think I’d need to explain that.

I know so I don't know why you just did either

Because you missed my point entirely. "

No I didn't, I gave my take and wording on it. Just like you done yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose it all depends on the circumstances really, if he's maybe a bit depressed or low confidence and genuinely thinks you'd not be then no, is he showing an interest in you ?

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By *irty desireWoman
over a year ago

newcatle

"I don't know what it is

But if you're not interested and they're backing you into a corner for a response - then responding is just inviting more interactions you're not interested in having.

So what is the point?

Delete.

What if it is was a forum user you got on well with?

It is and it’s horrible.. when you give a reason why not they come back with another reason and so on .. and yes its hard when its a formite but stand your ground.. x

Er you said you would keep this on the downlow... this is not the downlow.....

hahaha

With the compliments you give al stick with you

You dont like my compliments? :’-( "

Because you said i looked like a lego man with melons on my chest

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

I've had a few situations along these lines and generally I would say it is an attempt at manipulation (not necessarily always a deliberate one though).

Ultimately I find confidence to be very sexy and someone putting themself down would likely be a major turn off for me.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"I don't know what it is

But if you're not interested and they're backing you into a corner for a response - then responding is just inviting more interactions you're not interested in having.

So what is the point?

Delete.

What if it is was a forum user you got on well with?

It is and it’s horrible.. when you give a reason why not they come back with another reason and so on .. and yes its hard when its a formite but stand your ground.. x

Er you said you would keep this on the downlow... this is not the downlow.....

hahaha

With the compliments you give al stick with you

You dont like my compliments? :’-(

Because you said i looked like a lego man with melons on my chest

That's a solid 10 for good use of imagination though

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

If it is a forum user i dont think you should be talking about him like this. He will obviously know your talking about him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest, even if I had interest in someone, if they acted this way, my interest would drop.

I'd say so, I'd explain that whether or not I find them attractive/appealing, their self doubt puts me off.

I'm not looking to fix someone, only they can choose to do that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read this and completely projected myself into this and I can see where its not manipulation.

We don't know how other people actually see themselves or how they perceive us.

You might look at this fourumite and see someone who is 7 out of 10 and feel like you are a 7 too. (Only using numbers to make the analogy easier to understand). They might see themselves at 5 and you are a 9 and just by comparison they will downplay play themselves so that you don't think, that they think you are equals.

To you it seems like manipulation because it doesn't match your perception of reality. But to them it's not only real but it's truth.

Low self esteem can affect how we see the person in the mirror. It took me years to train myself to believe others that my face wasn't like melted wax sliding down my face. I'm told by many people that I'm a handsome man.

And I believe that they belive that.

Maybe your forumite friend is trying to manipulate you. It's just as possible as what I wrote. It really depends on the person.

But just from people watching on the forums I know there are quite a few regular posters who have low self esteem and it would really surprise the majority of people who look at them.

We don't know how people see themselves

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

It's hardly a manipulation for someone to message and say 'they aren't good enough', 'not your type' or 'out of their league'.

If you don't like them tell them or don't reply and they'll fuck off.

Women get trolled everyday on here and can do nothing but report it to admin. Starting a thread when the user will know it's about them is a bit out of order when you could have handled it directly.

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

Funny how words are used, its only manipulation if there is an agenda more motive behind it for gain. Some of us have accepted who we are don't try to be something we are not. I am old fat and bald that isn't manipulation that's is simply fact and I descibing myself "honestly". How many here actually do that.

People over describe themselves and trying to present themselves as something in order to gain some something, isn't that manipulation also? I would say there is more oth that kind of manipulation in the forums that the self deprecating kind.

Just my view

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't interact with that type of person. I'm not here to provide sympathy.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

If they want pity dont be drawn in xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s manipulative behaviour.. firstly if they’re so sure what your response will be, why bother to msg in the 1st place?

More importantly don’t make assumptions about people you don’t know!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with manipulation…..don’t be drawn in. Just delete. I suspect half of them are fully aware but ply dumb

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By *lassy_but_sassyWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

It does come across quite manipulative sometimes, I think I do understand what you mean.

The messages I hate the most are when I say that I'm sorry but I'm not interested, and they come back to me basically telling me that they could please me and to just give them a chance as they know they might not be attractive to me but are a great kisser/give great oral/whatever random reason they decide that I MUST choose them for. Then the 'it's a shame' messages, then invariably the checking in a few weeks later to see if you've suddenly changed your mind messages, it all really puts me off big time!

I too like some confidence. I'm not very self confident at all, I'm really really bad at believing compliments, but I always just thank them for the compliments, say if it made me smile or chuckle etc, and if someone isn't interested in me on here then fine I get it, thank them and move on! I wish the small minority of guys that do this to me would move on!

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By *lassy_but_sassyWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

However, if this is aimed at someone and all they've done is be a bit self deprecating and give compliments, and that person can tell that you're on about them, then no and it's quite mean to do this.

I thought this was a generalised comment but I see it might not be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry different profile but I posted this thread from my singles profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's like the 'can I ask you a question?' message isn't it. It's design to gain a reply and make the recipient feel like they're they are the rude one if they don't answer.

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By *aulupforitMan
over a year ago

Corbridge

It is reverse psychology

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/06/21 23:03:17]

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

It's like the 'can I ask you a question?' message isn't it. It's design to gain a reply and make the recipient feel like they're they are the rude one if they don't answer. "

It does state though on site faqs that no reply is a no thank you

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

North West

"When someone makes a negative comment about themselves where they povide a reason for why you won't be interested in them.

You're almost backed into a corner where you either have to reject them and state why or tell them in that moment that you are.

Either way it's forcing an answer isn't it? Or trying to guilt you into fucking them?

Of course, we don't even have to respond and could block or delete.

But is it manipulation? "

From what you've described, that person is trying to elicit (guilt) a response from you. If you don't like the way they are doing that, you've every right not to respond.

I get the "you won't reply to this" messages, and they're right, I won't. I refuse to be told what to do and how to behave.

If it makes you feel uneasy, trust your gut and avoid the conversation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If it is a forum user i dont think you should be talking about him like this. He will obviously know your talking about him"

I get lots of these messages when I lift my filters on my single profile. It's a general post about them all, I just asked if it was a forumite would it be different. Or more awkward. I think it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm just curious as the responses and views of others. I think we've all at some point had messages that say something along the lines of....

I know you'd not even consider me, I'm not good looking enough for you, I'm out of your league... Etc followed by something that wants a response to if you would or wouldn't.

just sounds like self deprecating while chancing their arm to me , but honestly for me the message would go completely unanswered - i dont want to be drawn into awkward conversations that i dont need to have so i just wouldnt reply

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