FabSwingers.com forum: Saying sorry.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When do you say sorry?

When should you say sorry?

Is it when you take up space, ask a question, have needs and wants - should you apologise for these things? (For me the answer is no)

I’d like to know please ….

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

If I’ve hurt someone or misunderstood a situation. If I’m wrong I’ll hold my hand up and say so.

I think that the word gets used too much though. To me ‘sorry’ means I regret my actions and will try hard to prevent that from happening again.

Some people use it to appease others or to defuse a situation, then carry on doing as they did before

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to say sorry a lot. It was a low self esteem thing.

Now I say sorry when I mean it. I only say sorry when it's needed.

If I offend you, I say sorry and try to make amens or explain myself correctly.

If I feel I'm interrupting you I will say sorry.

If I fart and it's bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you're sorry, simple

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By *estcountryDadBodMan
over a year ago

Exeter

Pet peev is people who say sorry when they don’t mean it or have nothing to be sorry for.

‘Sorry to bother you’ ‘sorry to chase’

That’s said, if you are wrong or regretful fo something I think an apology should be given.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you're sorry, simple

Or sometimes when someone barges past you in the street spilling your coffe all over you because they weren't looking where they were going

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the better pieces of advice I’ve ever had - if you made a mistake apologise but only once. Don’t keep apologising.

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By *rMojoRisinMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

Being English I probably say it too much on a day to day basis.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

For far too much

. One of my partners tells me off for excessive apologising.

Women in general apologise far more anyway but it can also be in response to anxiety or as a result of previous emotional abuse. It's almost like a reflex.

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

"When do you say sorry?

When should you say sorry?

Is it when you take up space, ask a question, have needs and wants - should you apologise for these things? (For me the answer is no)

I’d like to know please …."

In my experience a lot easier to apologise than get permission...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"For far too much

. One of my partners tells me off for excessive apologising.

Women in general apologise far more anyway but it can also be in response to anxiety or as a result of previous emotional abuse. It's almost like a reflex. "

Yes, it can be. I hear you.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I've heard it too many times for it to really mean anything as the person actions showed they weren't.

I will apologise if I've made a genuine mistake or done something wrong, it's not a word I use lightly x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Pet peev is people who say sorry when they don’t mean it or have nothing to be sorry for.

‘Sorry to bother you’ ‘sorry to chase’

That’s said, if you are wrong or regretful fo something I think an apology should be given. "

Exactly that

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By *an4funMan
over a year ago

london

Should someone say sorry if the other person took what they said the wrong way? If there was no intention of upsetting that person I don't think an apology is required.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I say sorry too much in general. Sometimes I think I'd say sorry for just existing.

I'm trying at getting better at saying sorry when I know I'm in the wrong. And I'm trying to improve with appologising to someone even though I think we're both on the wrong without saying it's all my fault. This I'm particularly bad with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pet peev is people who say sorry when they don’t mean it or have nothing to be sorry for.

‘Sorry to bother you’ ‘sorry to chase’

That’s said, if you are wrong or regretful fo something I think an apology should be given. "

I think that's politeness and good soft skills though. Say someone has to call you and you could potentially not want the receive their call or might be busy or they could be interrupting you, then they're recognising that even though it may be an inconvenience to you they still needed to call (could be a friend needing help or even a work call). It can totally be sincere imo. I think people are way to pure with their word meanings these days and everything and everyone must be "genuine" (whatever that word means!) So now nobody is sure what to say for fear of offending. Sad times....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I’ve hurt someone or misunderstood a situation. If I’m wrong I’ll hold my hand up and say so.

I think that the word gets used too much though. To me ‘sorry’ means I regret my actions and will try hard to prevent that from happening again.

Some people use it to appease others or to defuse a situation, then carry on doing as they did before"

Agreed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes, I don't use the word sorry, if it's not really necessary. Instead of saying something like "I've been held up with traffic, so going to be late, sorry", I now say "I've been held up with traffic, so going to be late. Thank you for understanding".

I've also stopped apologising when someone bumps into me when I'm standing still. I'm a size 26, so they should be apologising for not having their eyes open.

I do apologise if I've done something that needs it though. It's how I was brought up and is the polite thing to do.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

Sorry. Is one of those words that are cover a huge area.

It is a very important word, saying sorry when it is needed can make a huge impact of a situation.

But at the same time it is also a word that is thrown around and used even when it is not sincere, or just used to appear polite with no real intent behind it.

I use it far too much as a way to be polite, but I don't like to use it in a serious situation unless I mean it 100%.

Sorry if that makes no sense! It's a waffle brain day.

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By *estcountryDadBodMan
over a year ago

Exeter

"Pet peev is people who say sorry when they don’t mean it or have nothing to be sorry for.

‘Sorry to bother you’ ‘sorry to chase’

That’s said, if you are wrong or regretful fo something I think an apology should be given.

I get what your saying, but it’s just a peev of mine. It goes with, ‘no offence’ followed by being offensive!

I think people get far to caught up in this, I think we do feel we have to tip toe around people. I’m all for being mindful and I try and be respectful but that shouldn’t be confused with not saying what needs to be said at times.

I will either stay nothing off it doesn’t bother me that greatly and may cause upset or or I will say it, but not apologise for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I say sorry quite often when I'm putting on someone else. Like when I have a rant or a moan about something or when someone does something for me when I've said I need or want something. I guess I dont like feeling a pain in the arse or trouble. Should I say sorry? Maybe, maybe not but I do anyway.

When should you say sorry? Well there's a rant in itself.

People often say sorry when they've been caught out. They say it to save face, wipe the slate clean and reset back to a point where they were considered a nicer person, clear their conscience, get themselves out of shit, basically for their own gain. It rarely actually does anything for the person it's being said to. Especially if that sorry wouldn't have been said if they could have got away with it. Then they seek forgiveness, for you to say its OK and it doesn't matter, its fine when quite often it's really not. If you had a sorry for everything that was done where the person was able to know right from wrong when they did whatever they are apologising for would it make it all OK? No it probably wouldn't.

I'm more forgiving when someone says sorry for an accidental or an unknowing mistake, when they are adult enough to know right from wrong I'm not.

So I say sorry based on the above. If I fuck up then I know I need to own that fact and I'll admit to being an arsehole.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

Unless you actually mean it, dont say it, it's just empty words otherwise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When do you say sorry?

When should you say sorry?

Is it when you take up space, ask a question, have needs and wants - should you apologise for these things? (For me the answer is no)

I’d like to know please …."

I have stopped saying sorry for everything (nearly) and started owning my actions. It’s a hard thing to do and often misunderstood as people expect an apology

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Should someone say sorry if the other person took what they said the wrong way? If there was no intention of upsetting that person I don't think an apology is required. "

Depending on the context, yes.

If it’s a triggering conversation and the wrong word was used in error, irrespective of the intent, then I’d apologise, explain my situation, clarify the context and what I did wrong, then learn from it.

If you hurt someone physically, whether you intended to or not, would you apologise?

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By *of9Couple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

"If I’ve hurt someone or misunderstood a situation. If I’m wrong I’ll hold my hand up and say so.

I think that the word gets used too much though. To me ‘sorry’ means I regret my actions and will try hard to prevent that from happening again.

Some people use it to appease others or to defuse a situation, then carry on doing as they did before"

Absolutely this. One of my biggest pet peeves is an lip-service apology with no intent to change the behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I'm wrong then I'd like to think I'd put my hands up and own it. Offering an apology where needed.

I do think it's important for both sides to say, hear and accept, in order to move on and maintain the relationship (whatever type of relationship it is).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being sorry is you just being respectful and understanding someone else's feelings

It's a good thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having kids changed how I apologised. If they did something wrong they needed to understand what they had did wrong and then apologise if they felt it was needed. One kid understood and this worked well. The middle kid rarely ever said sorry because she didn't think she needed to and the youngest said sorry all the time because he couldn't deal with thinking about him being bad.

Mixed success but it was a positive experience for the family.

Thanks to supernanny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will always apologise of I've hurt someone's feelings, whether or not I think I am in the wrong. We sometimes can't see past our own mind so I will respect if someone tells me they feel a certain way.

However things I won't apologise for.. being me, putting myself first and doing things that are best for you. It's not a crime to take care of yourself

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By *an4funMan
over a year ago

london

"Should someone say sorry if the other person took what they said the wrong way? If there was no intention of upsetting that person I don't think an apology is required.

Depending on the context, yes.

If you hurt someone physically, whether you intended to or not, would you apologise? "

I would apologise if I accidentally physically hurt someone. If what I said was ambiguous or I used an incorrect term then an apology would be warranted. If, for example, I was asked if the food I'd been made by them was nice and I said I didn't think it was and they got upset then that's on them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would you ever truly want anyone to feel sorry? I don't think I would - deep sorrow is not a nice feeling. I think a light hearted "sorry" out of politeness or social lubrication is just fine.

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By *not123Couple
over a year ago

sp1

Sorry should be ment not just used to stop an argument. No point saying it if they don't mean it and carry on. Been there i only use it if I've hurt someone or said something out of line and meant it. Same as saying you love or miss someone don't just use those 3 just for the sake of it

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I will always apologise of I've hurt someone's feelings, whether or not I think I am in the wrong. We sometimes can't see past our own mind so I will respect if someone tells me they feel a certain way.

However things I won't apologise for.. being me, putting myself first and doing things that are best for you. It's not a crime to take care of yourself

What if being you and putting yourself first hurts someone else though?

I understand your points but those situations aren’t always going to be mutually exclusive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

However things I won't apologise for.. being me, putting myself first and doing things that are best for you. It's not a crime to take care of yourself

What if being you and putting yourself first hurts someone else though?

I understand your points but those situations aren’t always going to be mutually exclusive "

I think that would only apply if you come at a situation with a demanding attitude. When I say putting myself first, I mean some people will be upset if you don't want to go somewhere you've been invited or if you say no about extra workloads at work etc. These sitations I'm not saying no to upset anyone but I'm doing it for me so I won't apologise for that.

In general we are all complicated beings, one person could be hurt over something that another could just shrug off. Im talking about just acknowledging when someone is feeling a certain way, respecting it and apologising.

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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

I spent far too many years saying sorry to my ex for his actions, so as a result its engrained in me to automatically say sorry whether I need to or have to or not. I'm slowly breaking habits but it's a long road for me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sometimes, I don't use the word sorry, if it's not really necessary. Instead of saying something like "I've been held up with traffic, so going to be late, sorry", I now say "I've been held up with traffic, so going to be late. Thank you for understanding".

I've also stopped apologising when someone bumps into me when I'm standing still. I'm a size 26, so they should be apologising for not having their eyes open.

I do apologise if I've done something that needs it though. It's how I was brought up and is the polite thing to do. "

I love this! This is exactly right

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

I'm sorry, don't know what for though

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Being sorry is you just being respectful and understanding someone else's feelings

It's a good thing

But what about respect for yourself?

Should I say sorry for having needs? For having feelings? If someone bumps into me? For taking up space?

It’s not a simple as saying sorry.

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By *ollydoesWoman
over a year ago

Shangri-La

"If I’ve hurt someone or misunderstood a situation. If I’m wrong I’ll hold my hand up and say so.

I think that the word gets used too much though. To me ‘sorry’ means I regret my actions and will try hard to prevent that from happening again.

Some people use it to appease others or to defuse a situation, then carry on doing as they did before

Absolutely this. One of my biggest pet peeves is an lip-service apology with no intent to change the behaviour.

Its like saying hello how are you, then not waiting for an answer.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I spent far too many years saying sorry to my ex for his actions, so as a result its engrained in me to automatically say sorry whether I need to or have to or not. I'm slowly breaking habits but it's a long road for me "

Me too! It’s a hard road too, but this is kind of where I’m coming from.

I started with not apologising for taking up space, I.e I’m perfectly entitled to be in a shop looking at good on the shelves, so I won’t apologise for it, and then expanded from there.

I will always apologise if I’ve crossed a boundary, if I’ve hurt someone, or if I’ve made a mistake.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I used to say sorry a lot. It was a low self esteem thing.

Now I say sorry when I mean it. I only say sorry when it's needed.

If I offend you, I say sorry and try to make amens or explain myself correctly.

If I feel I'm interrupting you I will say sorry.

If I fart and it's bad. "

I say sorry a lot and that is the result of being in a previous marriage where I apologised all the time because he didn't! But I'm trying to sort that out and be more aware of doing. As I have someone who appreciates me and sees the good rather than always the negative

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I used to say sorry a lot. It was a low self esteem thing.

Now I say sorry when I mean it. I only say sorry when it's needed.

If I offend you, I say sorry and try to make amens or explain myself correctly.

If I feel I'm interrupting you I will say sorry.

If I fart and it's bad.

That’s lovely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is saying sorry as a form of reflex and there is a heartfelt apology using the word sorry, and they are totally different and shouldn't be confused. A lot of people mistake kindness for weakness.

But that's just my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Should someone say sorry if the other person took what they said the wrong way? If there was no intention of upsetting that person I don't think an apology is required.

Depending on the context, yes.

If you hurt someone physically, whether you intended to or not, would you apologise? "

If someone has taken offence with something I have said in all innocence I would generally say something along the lines of "Sorry you took offence by my comments, that was not my intention" and then hopefully be able to discuss the issue at hand. That's a long way from an apology on my part.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I have misunderstood, been mistaken or caused offence.

I say it when I feel it is appropriate to do so in order to convey my regret at having caused them inconvenience, anger or hurt.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

When would I ?

I say sorry if I believe I am in the wrong in a situation. I do it quickly. I do it without regret or perceived loss of face.

I say sorry if I believe I am NOT in the wrong in a situation , if I won't come to any harm from apologising and I can see that the other person has mental or emotional problems and is just not capable of taking full responsibility yet. That's without loss of face also.

When should I ?

To calm a situation. To save someone's face or feelings. To put an end to a situation in which I have nothing to gain or lose and of which the outcome won't be detrimental to me. Always to children and old people. Taking the 'blame' in a humdrum day to day situation is never any skin off anyone's nose.

When won't I say sorry?

When something is detrimental to an aspect of my life and the apology might be taken as admission.

or if you are a cunt and have been cuntish.

Apologies are easy. Admission of responsibility is something else

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

Sometimes saying sorry means you value your relationship more than your ego and there’s nothing wrong with that

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When would I ?

I say sorry if I believe I am in the wrong in a situation. I do it quickly. I do it without regret or perceived loss of face.

When should I ?

When won't I say sorry?

When something is detrimental to an aspect of my life and the apology might be taken as admission.

or if you are a cunt and have been cuntish.

Apologies are easy. Admission of responsibility is something else"

Wise as always GC

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By *urydiceRisingWoman
over a year ago

Dublin

"Sometimes saying sorry means you value your relationship more than your ego and there’s nothing wrong with that "

That's worth its weight in gold.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I apologise constantly, when I knock into someone, when they knock into me, when they hold the door open, when my kids are in the way etc.

I am just sorry

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I hate the sorry but.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When would I ?

I say sorry if I believe I am in the wrong in a situation. I do it quickly. I do it without regret or perceived loss of face.

When should I ?

When won't I say sorry?

When something is detrimental to an aspect of my life and the apology might be taken as admission.

or if you are a cunt and have been cuntish.

Apologies are easy. Admission of responsibility is something else"

I think this is the definitive answer for me...nice one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I used to say sorry a lot. It was a low self esteem thing.

Now I say sorry when I mean it. I only say sorry when it's needed.

If I offend you, I say sorry and try to make amens or explain myself correctly.

If I feel I'm interrupting you I will say sorry.

If I fart and it's bad.

That’s lovely

He is lovely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I used to say sorry a lot. It was a low self esteem thing.

Now I say sorry when I mean it. I only say sorry when it's needed.

If I offend you, I say sorry and try to make amens or explain myself correctly.

If I feel I'm interrupting you I will say sorry.

If I fart and it's bad.

That’s lovely

He is lovely

"
he is just holding up a mirror for you to see the true you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I used to say sorry a lot. It was a low self esteem thing.

Now I say sorry when I mean it. I only say sorry when it's needed.

If I offend you, I say sorry and try to make amens or explain myself correctly.

If I feel I'm interrupting you I will say sorry.

If I fart and it's bad.

That’s lovely

He is lovely

he is just holding up a mirror for you to see the true you. "

I love this, it’s so true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I used to say sorry a lot. It was a low self esteem thing.

Now I say sorry when I mean it. I only say sorry when it's needed.

If I offend you, I say sorry and try to make amens or explain myself correctly.

If I feel I'm interrupting you I will say sorry.

If I fart and it's bad.

That’s lovely

He is lovely

he is just holding up a mirror for you to see the true you.

I love this, it’s so true

Thank you. He makes me smile and laugh all the time

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By *he Queen of TartsWoman
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My Own Little World

If I have fucked up and am in the wrong I will apologise. It is easy to do and I don't understand how people seem to find it so difficult.

The last time I was in a text argument with a friend I apologised for some of the overly harsh thing I had written, I also said sorry when I saw her in person a couple of months later.

What I absolutely detest are those who mess up, treat you like shit then ghost you for months instead of putting their hands up and admitting they were wrong, only to come back all smiley and friendly like they have done nothing wrong and expecting me to have forgotten what they did.

Nope, I cut people out of my life for that, you did wrong, apologise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've also stopped apologising when someone bumps into me when I'm standing still. I'm a size 26, so they should be apologising for not having their eyes open.

I do apologise if I've done something that needs it though. It's how I was brought up and is the polite thing to do.

I love this! This is exactly right

Thank you x

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"When would I ?

I say sorry if I believe I am in the wrong in a situation. I do it quickly. I do it without regret or perceived loss of face.

When should I ?

When won't I say sorry?

When something is detrimental to an aspect of my life and the apology might be taken as admission.

or if you are a cunt and have been cuntish.

Apologies are easy. Admission of responsibility is something else"

Sums it up for me with one small addition to the "when won't I say sorry" pile: I will never apologise for taking up space on this earth, never say sorry for being here and directing my own life, never be sorry for using the agency I have.

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

I say sorry if my heart knows that I've made a mistake or took an action which has imposed on someone else.

I will say sorry to acknowledge anothers hurt or feeling in response to my action whether I feel it is my fault or not. Ie.. 'i'm sorry you feel like that'

I won't, however, take responsibility for their feelings. It's a good thing to distinguish between taking responsibility for the consequences of my actions and what is someone else's experience.

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

Good, deep question OP xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I know I’m in the wrong .. unlike some lol

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

"If I’ve hurt someone or misunderstood a situation. If I’m wrong I’ll hold my hand up and say so.

I think that the word gets used too much though. To me ‘sorry’ means I regret my actions and will try hard to prevent that from happening again.

Some people use it to appease others or to defuse a situation, then carry on doing as they did before"

Yes this.. I used to find it hard to say sorry.

Then I probably used it too widely to appease.

Now I try to find the balance of taking responsibility and having integrity without over indulging another person's experience.

A conversation with curiosity over what just occurred for each person involved can have brilliant results with less emphasis on who was right or wrong... I understand that the world is not so black and white but I hope to hold your heart next to mine.

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