FabSwingers.com forum: How often do you receive abusive messages?

By *edheadj OP Man
over a year ago

High Wycombe

Seen over the past few days that a number of people who have mentioned in their status bar they've received unsolicited messages from people sending abuse.

First off, that's obviously uncalled for and please do report them. But I'm curious to know how often others get them?

Is there a specific thing you get abuse for, or is it more just a general attack?

It's a long shot, but I'd like to see if people who have sent these messages actually explain why they do it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Occasionally I'll get an unsolicited one, usually saying something unkind about my body and they'll have blocked me before I've read it, like a total coward.

More often it's in response to rejection though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I receive them at least once a week when I reject advances

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Idiots

If I get rejected I say thanks for letting me know and good luck no need to abuse people

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

I would say more often its abuse after being declined

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Think this is my 4th year on FAB.

I don't get abusive messages. Possibly less than 10 in 4 years.

Is that down to luck?

Or because I have a "Don't mess with me" vibe?

Or because I don't engage with people who aren't obviously for me, beyond a polite "Nice but not for me" message, if they've put a bit of effort in?

Or because I block and forget persistent messagers once I've sent that message?

Maybe because my public pix don't look like I'm up for allcomers?

Or maybe it's a combination of all of the above.

Whatever, it works for me

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We've been here about ten years and have received two abusive messages. They both came from the same person who left the site then rejoined.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Like kitty said it will almost always be as a reaction to being rejected.

Sheer stupidity when a guy calls a girl gorgeous, beautiful etc when he messages her then a fat ugly cow when she says thanks but no thanks (what's that all about)

And then you get the abusive ones who haven't got to brain cells to rub together and can't come up with a decent debate on the forums so react to pm abuse.

Every days a school day

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By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

"Occasionally I'll get an unsolicited one, usually saying something unkind about my body and they'll have blocked me before I've read it, like a total coward.

More often it's in response to rejection though."
do you reckon that (let's say someone flicked a magic wand) and Fab became a real bar/social setting that the same guy/guys would react to rejection the same way to your face??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Think this is my 4th year on FAB.

I don't get abusive messages. Possibly less than 10 in 4 years.

Is that down to luck?

Or because I have a "Don't mess with me" vibe?

Or because I don't engage with people who aren't obviously for me, beyond a polite "Nice but not for me" message, if they've put a bit of effort in?

Or because I block and forget persistent messagers once I've sent that message?

Maybe because my public pix don't look like I'm up for allcomers?

Or maybe it's a combination of all of the above.

Whatever, it works for me

What makes you think your public pics don't make it look like you're up for allcomers?

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

In almost 10 years I think I've had 3 or 4 abusive messages, and 2 of those were because I was a tad sarcastic with my reply; so I deserved them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not very often.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no idea. It doesn't really register as abuse. They are probably sex starved or having shit going on in real life.

Had some shit last night but he was upset about real life stuff so *shrug*.

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By *renzMan
over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

Occasionally, if I've said something on a forum someone disagrees with.

But then I will give as good back, if it warrants it, but usually just ignore.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"Occasionally I'll get an unsolicited one, usually saying something unkind about my body and they'll have blocked me before I've read it, like a total coward.

More often it's in response to rejection though."

Well they're missing out on your beauty, the fools!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fortunately only 1 or 2 a month xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Think this is my 4th year on FAB.

I don't get abusive messages. Possibly less than 10 in 4 years.

Is that down to luck?

Or because I have a "Don't mess with me" vibe?

Or because I don't engage with people who aren't obviously for me, beyond a polite "Nice but not for me" message, if they've put a bit of effort in?

Or because I block and forget persistent messagers once I've sent that message?

Maybe because my public pix don't look like I'm up for allcomers?

Or maybe it's a combination of all of the above.

Whatever, it works for me

So the women are to blame because they are showing their bodies?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve not had any for a while, although my filters are in.

I’ve had 6/7 in the last year I think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Think this is my 4th year on FAB.

I don't get abusive messages. Possibly less than 10 in 4 years.

Is that down to luck?

Or because I have a "Don't mess with me" vibe?

Or because I don't engage with people who aren't obviously for me, beyond a polite "Nice but not for me" message, if they've put a bit of effort in?

Or because I block and forget persistent messagers once I've sent that message?

Maybe because my public pix don't look like I'm up for allcomers?

Or maybe it's a combination of all of the above.

Whatever, it works for me

I feel like there's a bit of victim blaming in here to be honest, probably not intentionally but to me it's there. Regardless of what photos someone chooses to post, it doesn't justify someone else abusing them and we shouldn't condone it or say "well if they hadn't posted those photos maybe it wouldn't have happened"

Abuse is not ok, full stop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would say more often its abuse after being declined

Yes I agree with this

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If you receive abusive messages report them. Admin take a dim view of it.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"Idiots

If I get rejected I say thanks for letting me know and good luck no need to abuse people"

Why say "good luck"? That one always strikes me as a hidden insult

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

After saying "you're not my type" mostly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Occasionally I'll get an unsolicited one, usually saying something unkind about my body and they'll have blocked me before I've read it, like a total coward.

More often it's in response to rejection though."

How on earth can they say anything unkind about your body?.... that’s jealousy... you’re gorgeous... would love to have a body like yours!!!

My rude messages are usually when I say no... and it happens quite a lot.

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By *etwifeandhim69Couple
over a year ago

Darlington

Would never send anyone an abusive message. No need for it.

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

I don’t think we’ve ever had one as a couple or singles

J x

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By *it-of-AlrightMan
over a year ago

South west

Been on 18 months. Not once

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Occasionally I'll get an unsolicited one, usually saying something unkind about my body and they'll have blocked me before I've read it, like a total coward.

More often it's in response to rejection though.

How on earth can they say anything unkind about your body?.... that’s jealousy... you’re gorgeous... would love to have a body like yours!!!

My rude messages are usually when I say no... and it happens quite a lot. "

Thank you so much xx

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By *willfindyouWoman
over a year ago

Not looking to meet new peeps.

Few here and there mostly all to do with rejection from the past.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"Think this is my 4th year on FAB.

I don't get abusive messages. Possibly less than 10 in 4 years.

Is that down to luck?

Or because I have a "Don't mess with me" vibe?

Or because I don't engage with people who aren't obviously for me, beyond a polite "Nice but not for me" message, if they've put a bit of effort in?

Or because I block and forget persistent messagers once I've sent that message?

Maybe because my public pix don't look like I'm up for allcomers?

Or maybe it's a combination of all of the above.

Whatever, it works for me

So the women are to blame because they are showing their bodies? "

Nope I'm not saying that at all.

But certain actions elicit certain reactions even in this "enlightened" day and age.

I don't want that kind of attention so I don't put that kind of public pic up.

And my comments apply to either sex.

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By *ubmissiveman2uMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

I have been called all sorts by the keyboard warriors. I know they would not say it to my face so its water of a ducks back.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Joined 3 years ago.

At the moment, not at all, because my filters don't allow anyone new to message me.

In my first three or four months, it felt pretty constant - like dozens a day.

After that it gradually petered down to a few a week or less.

I don't know what I did apart from beginning to delete rather than reply to say no thank you. I suppose I'd also been around long enough to survive the newbie christening of fire, so maybe people were less inclined to try.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Over the past six years I'd say we've had about 10,all from women bar one.

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

southend

Messages of any kind are rare being a single male lol have had a few for my vaccine views but water off a ducks back to be honest lol

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

Not very often to be honest. I find most messages lovely only once in a blue moon does an idiot appear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Occasionally I'll get an unsolicited one, usually saying something unkind about my body and they'll have blocked me before I've read it, like a total coward.

More often it's in response to rejection though."
you might have blow me out but i normally say fair enough...and whos going to moan about your pics x stunning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very rarely.

We’ve found most people tend to be polite and respectful when they message us.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Never had an abusive message in 4 years here. I've only been posting in the forums for the last 2 years though and had some issues with people I had already blocked taking offence for that very reason.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

In 15 years ive had 3 abusive messages and 2 of those came of the back of forum threads

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Luckily I've never received one out of the blue just from a few people that can't take a no thank you. One of the reasons I stopped replying to everyone.

It's their issue, I just block and move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never

Maybe I'm lucky or maybe I'm invisible

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By *ydia_LovegoodWoman
over a year ago

St. Ives

This is my 3rd year here and I've posted before on the forum that for the first time ever in the last few months I've had several abusive messages... It's sad tbh..

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

Very rarely...which is a shame because I see them as good sport

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Occasionally I'll get an unsolicited one, usually saying something unkind about my body and they'll have blocked me before I've read it, like a total coward.

More often it's in response to rejection though. you might have blow me out but i normally say fair enough...and whos going to moan about your pics x stunning"

Thanks xx

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By *rMojoRisinMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

"This is my 3rd year here and I've posted before on the forum that for the first time ever in the last few months I've had several abusive messages... It's sad tbh.. "

And ridiculous, awfully sorry it’s happened! ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not recently, but I did get a racist one when I was here before, was a long time ago.

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By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

"Never

Maybe I'm lucky or maybe I'm invisible

"
well I can tell you most definitely, you ain't invisible,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never had one

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By *wistedTooCouple
over a year ago

Frimley

Never. I guess we’ve just managed to block the right people before they’ve tried it? Or we’re just lucky. We know there’s some assholes on here but most people have been respectful enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never had one

I can fix that for you

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By *avrick180Man
over a year ago

Pontypool

At lest once or twice week and that's being nice to them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ive only been here 5 weeks and had 3 abusive messages already haha I must be an abuse magnet I dont ever abuse anyone btw they just abuse me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Idiots

If I get rejected I say thanks for letting me know and good luck no need to abuse people

Why say "good luck"? That one always strikes me as a hidden insult

"
I don't see that as a hidden insult. Wishing someone good luck is just him being mature and polite about it. I can think of a lot worse responses, like "Your loss" etc.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I've had them in the past. Not anymore though as I've got every category blocked from messaging me.

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Think this is my 4th year on FAB.

I don't get abusive messages. Possibly less than 10 in 4 years.

Is that down to luck?

Or because I have a "Don't mess with me" vibe?

Or because I don't engage with people who aren't obviously for me, beyond a polite "Nice but not for me" message, if they've put a bit of effort in?

Or because I block and forget persistent messagers once I've sent that message?

Maybe because my public pix don't look like I'm up for allcomers?

Or maybe it's a combination of all of the above.

Whatever, it works for me

What makes you think your public pics don't make it look like you're up for allcomers? "

And, why would that warrant abuse anyway? She seems to be trying to say that if you get abuse it’s your fault.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quite often, I can't help it if my cockiness intimidates folk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never ever, well not in here anyway..

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By *likat50Woman
over a year ago

london /bracklesham bay

Just block and delete

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been on here 8 years and perhaps get one a year! I just presume someone/something/life has pissed them off!

I answer virtually all my messages but either don't get a reply or a thank you back ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hardly never. But I also hardly never reply so if you don't engage, that reduces the risk I think?

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By *irty PrettyWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

I haven’t kept count, but it’s a lot. For replying to say no thanks, for not replying, for not having any interaction at all. For my body, for my profile, for the people I’ve met, for being (apparently, and with no idea who either person was) a cunt or a bitch. For meeting too many people, for being too into the party side, for having photos that look like I didn’t take them myself. For existing, mostly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i get them every day

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

A couple of times every few years. I've had a handful (as in five or so) since I joined.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not sure the abusers have any call to explain themselves. Abuse is abuse, verbal or otherwise, momentary or prolonged.

“You said no and rejected me therefore I had the right to call you a xxxxxxxx.” Something like that, perhaps?

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By *onochrome2Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Only one abusive message that I can recall recently... new guy to the site calling me a slag because I’ve had more than one cock lol

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By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I've never received any abusive messages.

If I did, I would just report and block them.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I use to get some especially when I first joined a few years ago then I tightened my filters right up so now I don't really get a lot of messages and that's the way I prefer it.

I get the odd faf message but that's not abuse that's just roll your eyes messages and delete. Name calling etc abuse I cannot actually remember the last time I got that it's been well over a year. Most men when I say thanks but no thanks are nice about it.

Any abuse I got in the past anyhow I just deleted I don't see any point in letting someone I will never meet or want to interact with upset me.

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

southend

"Only one abusive message that I can recall recently... new guy to the site calling me a slag because I’ve had more than one cock lol

Apparently he needs to get a better understanding of what sort of site this is and what it is for lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rarely get any kind of abuse.

Had one take offence to a status we had.

I politely replied expressing the misunderstanding, then received abuse about our profile.

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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago

Sunderland

Only once and that was because we’d never replied and dick though he was entitled to a reply.

Hitting the block button isn’t a hardship. In the case of dicks in my box, it’s a joy

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By *lirty-CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Bexley

Don't think we've ever just received one out of the blue but we have had various forms of abuse when we've turned guy down.

We get more disgusting messages than abusive ones but just report or block the senders and move on.

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By *aria_dreamgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

stockport

Delete delite delete

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think only once from a couple in their 30s (last year) .. Althiugh, i suspect it was the man

I think I'd opened +read their opening message, they got overly excited, assumed a response was forthcoming.. Then when it wasn't, sent a succession of messsages getting more and more abusive and finally ended up telling me that i wasn't even their type and was waaaaay too old for them

i think they blocked me for a while, but then i noticed a daily visit to my page soon after lol

Whatever.. Life is too short

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By *stbury DavenportMan
over a year ago

Nottingham

Never had one, because a) I'm male, b) I've blocked men from messaging me, and c) I pre-emptively block anyone I suspect may be likely to send me abuse.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Just a couple but hey ho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't this time round but I guess I will at some point though.

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By *uriouscouple83Couple
over a year ago

Worcester

Nothing for a while thankfully but usually in response to a polite decline or if we haven’t responded to a previous message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Never surprisingly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never surprisingly "
can I be your first?

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By *wingin CatMan
over a year ago

London

None, thank God. Mainly because my profile bans single males from messaging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never surprisingly can I be your first?"

I never ever get them either thank god..

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"Never surprisingly can I be your first?"

Please. That would be lovely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve never had one on either of my profiles.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

I've had 2 completely abusive ones right out of the blue. And a fair few after a polite rejection. Bit now that I no longer reply to unwanted & unsolicited messages, I get way less.

They get deleted & blocked when they do show up.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

https://www.fabswingers.com/content/forum-rules

Private mail should stay private

Please don't post private mail to the forums no matter how idiotic/funny it may be. It is strictly against site rules.

As people are now posting the PM's and airing dirty washing it is time to shut

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