FabSwingers.com forum: Reparenting.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Reparenting is the act of giving yourself what you didn’t receive as a child.

Have you heard of it?

Do you do it, or are you curious?

Any experiences?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

Does it mean emotionally or in terms of materialistic items?

Emotionally, I'm not so sure but having 3 other siblings, I do enjoy having my own easter egg and advent calendar without having to share

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Is that like eating the whole box of chocolates when you're dad would tell you to "put some up for later"?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

Yes I do it every day x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Yes, and yes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I bought my sister a big yellow teapot because she asked father Christmas several years in a row for one, but never got one. It's now her prized possession. If that's the kind of thing we're talking about?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Emotional.

The four pillars are Discipline, Joy, Emotional Regulation, and Self-care.

So, you make yourself a small promise, I.e. I’ll meditate for 5 minutes, or take a ten minute walk, and then you achieve it.

It’s also things like celebrating your small victories, rewarding yourself for achieving things

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve heard of it, and seen it help others, not really explored it consciously myself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I bought my sister a big yellow teapot because she asked father Christmas several years in a row for one, but never got one. It's now her prized possession. If that's the kind of thing we're talking about? "

I’ve never though about it from that angle, but yes, I think it probably is.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Emotional.

The four pillars are Discipline, Joy, Emotional Regulation, and Self-care.

So, you make yourself a small promise, I.e. I’ll meditate for 5 minutes, or take a ten minute walk, and then you achieve it.

It’s also things like celebrating your small victories, rewarding yourself for achieving things

Oh I do this. Normally for work related goals. I'm on track for one of my major ones and if I get there I'm awarding myself a posh handbag.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I've started to get to an age that I remember my parents being.

Imagining myself in their shoes is... enlightening. (I imagine having my own children might be more so, and obviously I'm not saying I understand being a parent)

It's not the only thing I do, but I'm not sharing my inner workings in detail.

But it's sort of, a new angle on what's happened to me and why, helping me to heal old wounds and make peace.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Emotional.

The four pillars are Discipline, Joy, Emotional Regulation, and Self-care.

So, you make yourself a small promise, I.e. I’ll meditate for 5 minutes, or take a ten minute walk, and then you achieve it.

It’s also things like celebrating your small victories, rewarding yourself for achieving things

Oh I do this. Normally for work related goals. I'm on track for one of my major ones and if I get there I'm awarding myself a posh handbag. "

Yay! I love that

It’s for your little things too, even as small as drinking enough water

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've started to get to an age that I remember my parents being.

Imagining myself in their shoes is... enlightening. (I imagine having my own children might be more so, and obviously I'm not saying I understand being a parent)

It's not the only thing I do, but I'm not sharing my inner workings in detail.

But it's sort of, a new angle on what's happened to me and why, helping me to heal old wounds and make peace."

I think when we get to the stage when we view our parents as imperfect beings who were doing the best they could, and who who were also the products of their parents, we are getting there

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I've started to get to an age that I remember my parents being.

Imagining myself in their shoes is... enlightening. (I imagine having my own children might be more so, and obviously I'm not saying I understand being a parent)

It's not the only thing I do, but I'm not sharing my inner workings in detail.

But it's sort of, a new angle on what's happened to me and why, helping me to heal old wounds and make peace.

I think when we get to the stage when we view our parents as imperfect beings who were doing the best they could, and who who were also the products of their parents, we are getting there "

Definitely. It's about recontextualising it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ouple2playCouple
over a year ago

Solihull

Think we probably do it, but through our children...giving them things we wanted but didn’t have.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I’ve not heard of this!

I can’t say that I do though. I try to treat my kids in a manner that I wished that I had been, learn from past mistakes and give them the love that they want but I don’t do it to myself.

I always put my kids first, to my own detriment, so I’m probably the opposite!

This isn’t me trying to show what an ‘awesome parent’ I am, it’s probably a negative thing really

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Think we probably do it, but through our children...giving them things we wanted but didn’t have."

The point of it is to give it to yourself

, and it helps your parenting anyway I think then.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Ive always done it through my son even now hes 30

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve not heard of this!

I can’t say that I do though. I try to treat my kids in a manner that I wished that I had been, learn from past mistakes and give them the love that they want but I don’t do it to myself.

I always put my kids first, to my own detriment, so I’m probably the opposite!

This isn’t me trying to show what an ‘awesome parent’ I am, it’s probably a negative thing really "

I always think of the plane analogy. If you don’t put your mask on first, you can’t help anyone else?

Or, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Don’t get me wrong, I put my kids first too, but you have to give to yourself too, else it is to everyone’s detriment.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've started to get to an age that I remember my parents being.

Imagining myself in their shoes is... enlightening. (I imagine having my own children might be more so, and obviously I'm not saying I understand being a parent)

It's not the only thing I do, but I'm not sharing my inner workings in detail.

But it's sort of, a new angle on what's happened to me and why, helping me to heal old wounds and make peace.

I think when we get to the stage when we view our parents as imperfect beings who were doing the best they could, and who who were also the products of their parents, we are getting there

Definitely. It's about recontextualising it."

Absolutely

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

I buy myself all the toys I want - especially those I wanted as a child.

Emotionally, I have always been a loner, so while I try and show others the care and attention I feel I missed out on, I don’t bother for myself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Emotional.

The four pillars are Discipline, Joy, Emotional Regulation, and Self-care.

So, you make yourself a small promise, I.e. I’ll meditate for 5 minutes, or take a ten minute walk, and then you achieve it.

It’s also things like celebrating your small victories, rewarding yourself for achieving things

Oh I do this. Normally for work related goals. I'm on track for one of my major ones and if I get there I'm awarding myself a posh handbag.

Yay! I love that

It’s for your little things too, even as small as drinking enough water "

Definitely I'm quite goal orientated so it is a good focus for me personally.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ive always done it through my son even now hes 30"

Do you do it for yourself too?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I buy myself all the toys I want - especially those I wanted as a child.

Emotionally, I have always been a loner, so while I try and show others the care and attention I feel I missed out on, I don’t bother for myself.

I love that you buy yourself toys

, that’s brilliant

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Emotional.

The four pillars are Discipline, Joy, Emotional Regulation, and Self-care.

So, you make yourself a small promise, I.e. I’ll meditate for 5 minutes, or take a ten minute walk, and then you achieve it.

It’s also things like celebrating your small victories, rewarding yourself for achieving things

Oh I do this. Normally for work related goals. I'm on track for one of my major ones and if I get there I'm awarding myself a posh handbag.

Yay! I love that

It’s for your little things too, even as small as drinking enough water

Definitely I'm quite goal orientated so it is a good focus for me personally. "

Love it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Ive always done it through my son even now hes 30

Do you do it for yourself too?"
my partner gives me all the things i missed out on as a kid

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ive always done it through my son even now hes 30

Do you do it for yourself too?my partner gives me all the things i missed out on as a kid"

That’s lovely o

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

My parents weren't overly affectionate. We didn't hug, kiss good night or say I love you. I make sure I do all of those things etc with my kids.

All of my siblings have married into families that openly display affections.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I’ve not heard of this!

I can’t say that I do though. I try to treat my kids in a manner that I wished that I had been, learn from past mistakes and give them the love that they want but I don’t do it to myself.

I always put my kids first, to my own detriment, so I’m probably the opposite!

This isn’t me trying to show what an ‘awesome parent’ I am, it’s probably a negative thing really

I always think of the plane analogy. If you don’t put your mask on first, you can’t help anyone else?

Or, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Don’t get me wrong, I put my kids first too, but you have to give to yourself too, else it is to everyone’s detriment. "

Yep!

I tell others the same thing! I’m just awful at looking after myself or putting my interests first at times.

I spent enough time with not enough to go around, so my kids got what they needed before me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"My parents weren't overly affectionate. We didn't hug, kiss good night or say I love you. I make sure I do all of those things etc with my kids.

All of my siblings have married into families that openly display affections. "
This is the reason im so over the top with affection for my son

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't like this kind of terminology it makes me

But I get it.

We all have scars of bad parenting and I give myself many things I never had.

I wouldn't look for it in a sexual relationship though because it crosses a boundary that I feel icky with.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

"My parents weren't overly affectionate. We didn't hug, kiss good night or say I love you. I make sure I do all of those things etc with my kids.

All of my siblings have married into families that openly display affections. "

Oh I read the post wrong, sorry!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my daughter is being cheeky, my dad regularly reminds me that if he didn't eat his dinner it'd be served up the next day and how he was made to wear shorts in winter etc etc. I think a lot of it is less about emotional scarring and more about progress and modern wealth tbh. I think we often think too much and measure ourselves against others and when we fall short we have a tendancy to look for excuses as if it's not ok for anyone else to be better and not ok for us to spoil ourselves without having to feel guilt and need reasoning. Sad times imo

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. My childhood was filled with abuse and emotional neglect so I've had to relearn how to be an emotionally healthy person from scratch as an adult.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I've started to get to an age that I remember my parents being.

Imagining myself in their shoes is... enlightening. (I imagine having my own children might be more so, and obviously I'm not saying I understand being a parent)

It's not the only thing I do, but I'm not sharing my inner workings in detail.

But it's sort of, a new angle on what's happened to me and why, helping me to heal old wounds and make peace.

I think when we get to the stage when we view our parents as imperfect beings who were doing the best they could, and who who were also the products of their parents, we are getting there "

sometimes you have to admit to yourself that your parents did not do the best that they could for whatever reason. It is not always possible to understand why ones parents acted a certain way even as a parent oneself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

There is no manual for parenting. I’d say every parent probably based their children’s upbringing based on their own (with modern adjustments)

I have to say I have super parents and I enjoyed a carefree, happy childhood. It was secure grounding for where I am now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As I've never really grown up (you can probably tell that from my posts

), I am constantly reliving my childhood, the difference being that I now have the resources to buy myself whatever toys I want (within reason). It's great fun.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes. My childhood was filled with abuse and emotional neglect so I've had to relearn how to be an emotionally healthy person from scratch as an adult. "

I’m so sorry lovely, that makes me sad

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes. My childhood was filled with abuse and emotional neglect so I've had to relearn how to be an emotionally healthy person from scratch as an adult.

I’m so sorry lovely, that makes me sad

Don't be sad, I've accepted it. It's actually made me a better parent as I consciously chose to reject the way I was parented and figure out how to be supportive, loving and fair with my own kids and break that cycle of abuse and neglect.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I guess in a sense I do for my partners. They both kind of missed out on a lot of areas I was very lucky as a child. Mostly around Christmas and birthdays. It makes me want to make theirs extra special now.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes. My childhood was filled with abuse and emotional neglect so I've had to relearn how to be an emotionally healthy person from scratch as an adult.

I’m so sorry lovely, that makes me sad

That’s brilliant, I love that you’ve done that. Good for you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I guess in a sense I do for my partners. They both kind of missed out on a lot of areas I was very lucky as a child. Mostly around Christmas and birthdays. It makes me want to make theirs extra special now."

Do you do it for yourself though, if you feel you need to?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I don't think I do this for myself, but I know I have very consciously made certain decisions when parenting, especially my son, to avoid him experiencing some of the same shitty things I did. Turned me into a doormat with my ex, but it was worth it for my son.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elethWoman
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

Yes and not consciously, no. Very interesting thread, Angel, thanks.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't think I do this for myself, but I know I have very consciously made certain decisions when parenting, especially my son, to avoid him experiencing some of the same shitty things I did. Turned me into a doormat with my ex, but it was worth it for my son. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes and not consciously, no. Very interesting thread, Angel, thanks."

I’ve been mulling it over for a while. Thank you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pandjMan
over a year ago

helston

Was it just a teapot or the big plastic one that had a dolls house in? My neighbour had it at was the only decent girls toy I've ever seen

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s really deep question

That’s why each generation breaks the conventions of the generation before...

It’s called life...

Very intelligent posts

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread