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Dom or sub

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I've had someone ask me if I was a dom,I said no. He said,so you're a sub,I said no. So he said,so you're not keen,I said no.

Why do you have to be one or the other. It's obvious that I'm sensual which is the total and equal enjoyment of both people. But how do you describe it easily. It's not dom,it's not sub,it's ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don’t have to be either, you can just be you

You (not you personally) don’t have to have labels, even though lots of people like them.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"I've had someone ask me if I was a dom,I said no. He said,so you're a sub,I said no. So he said,so you're not keen,I said no.

Why do you have to be one or the other. It's obvious that I'm sensual which is the total and equal enjoyment of both people. But how do you describe it easily. It's not dom,it's not sub,it's ?"

Just you I don't do labels either sub dom xx

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

I'm just me and i just go with flow

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

At the end of the day, it is all about what you enjoy, you dont have to put a label on it, as long as its mutual

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too much labelling going around on this subject imho. We are who we are.

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

That convo sounds riveting

R

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"That convo sounds riveting

R"

Oh it was lol

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

It doesn't need a label it's you plain and simple and Dom/sub doesn't even come into it as it doesn't necessarily relate to all sex/sexuality

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im a sub but im a bratty sub who although submits to her Sir doesn't always find it easy to do so and by gawd I can make it hard for him .

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"Im a sub but im a bratty sub who although submits to her Sir doesn't always find it easy to do so and by gawd I can make it hard for him ."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s wrong with mutual fulfilment ?

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"What’s wrong with mutual fulfilment ? "

This x

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

To much emphasis is put on sub or dom just enjoy

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By *ubmissiveman2uMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Am a sub loud and proud but no need for labels.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What’s wrong with mutual fulfilment ?

This x"

But “that” is ok?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That convo sounds riveting

R"

I laughed far too hard at that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just be yourself

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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow


"What’s wrong with mutual fulfilment ?

This x"

Nothing at all.

But a Dom/sun dynamic is also about mutual fulfilment. Just different things fulfil each.

And the label thing. Yes no one wants to be labelled but tbf it does short circuit communications sometimes.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

Labels are important as a guide but they don't intrinsically define people, unless they are football fans.

Also different types are needed to avoid the lesbian sheep situation, labels and types let people connect.

As an example if I want steak without being able to ask for steak I may end up with fish, which is fine but not what I want.

More aptly (back in the day) if I am doing pick up play at an event then I as a top want a bottom that is up for play.

Third it also ignores that some people define as a sub and some as dom and could not and would not want to fulfill the other role.

I do feel there is a problem of people talking about the scene who focus on their own little bit without seeing the whole breadth of the scene.

Without labels we would not know the rigger from the bunny: the sadist from the masochist, the bottom from the top.

At the end of the day do your kink your way but a penny gets you a pound it is not the only way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suck at barking orders, but have the attention span of a cat, so not good at being told what to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Labels are important as a guide but they don't intrinsically define people, unless they are football fans.

Also different types are needed to avoid the lesbian sheep situation, labels and types let people connect.

As an example if I want steak without being able to ask for steak I may end up with fish, which is fine but not what I want.

More aptly (back in the day) if I am doing pick up play at an event then I as a top want a bottom that is up for play.

Third it also ignores that some people define as a sub and some as dom and could not and would not want to fulfill the other role.

I do feel there is a problem of people talking about the scene who focus on their own little bit without seeing the whole breadth of the scene.

Without labels we would not know the rigger from the bunny: the sadist from the masochist, the bottom from the top.

At the end of the day do your kink your way but a penny gets you a pound it is not the only way."

What lesbian sheep situation?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Labels are important as a guide but they don't intrinsically define people, unless they are football fans.

Also different types are needed to avoid the lesbian sheep situation, labels and types let people connect.

As an example if I want steak without being able to ask for steak I may end up with fish, which is fine but not what I want.

More aptly (back in the day) if I am doing pick up play at an event then I as a top want a bottom that is up for play.

Third it also ignores that some people define as a sub and some as dom and could not and would not want to fulfill the other role.

I do feel there is a problem of people talking about the scene who focus on their own little bit without seeing the whole breadth of the scene.

Without labels we would not know the rigger from the bunny: the sadist from the masochist, the bottom from the top.

At the end of the day do your kink your way but a penny gets you a pound it is not the only way."

This is a much more nuanced reply and better than mine.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

You don't. You can be equal, that's what I prefer in the bedroom.

I can be a Domme, if I'm in the mood and it's a scenario but I would never be sub.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

personally, im sub

you don't have to conform to a label babycakes, just go with the flow Px

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

The Problem of Lesbian Sheep

by Howard A. Landman

When sheep, in the mountains, are wanting to breed,

there's not very much that the sheep up there need.

For they've got quite a system when it's time to mate:

the rams nose around, and the ewes stand and wait.

Yes, the female sheep don't have to do anything,

when the rams (in the mountains) go crazy in spring,

but give off special smells from their feminine places

which those sex-hungry rams can detect - with their faces.

Yep those rams stick their noses in each ewe's behind

to detect if to mating she might be inclined,

and if so he mounts her - they both have their fun -

and that's how the process of mating is done.

And so, to sum up, there's a system in place

to ensure that the sheep can continue their race,

and it works like a charm. So, no cause to lose sleep.

... but consider the problem of lesbian sheep ...

Yes, a lesbian sheep hopes and prays she can find

a lesbian ewe who's of similar mind

but she doesn't know how! She was brought up to think

that to find a good mate, you just stand there and stink.

And alas, her true love, just a few yards away,

tries the very same thing in the very same way,

and though they both want to be loved and be held,

they just stand around, and wait to be smelled.

Oh the pain they must suffer! Their agonized cries!

The mere thought of their torment brings tears to my eyes!

And it's all so unneeded! Imagine their joy

if they just found a different technique to employ.

Even lesbian sheep must have some way to meet!

It presumably starts by one moving its feet,

drawing close to the other and sniffing its rear,

or presenting its own. On this point I'm not clear.

But they can't stand around like their hetero kin

simply waiting for somebody else to begin.

And so my advice to gay sheep as they graze:

to woo lesbian ewes, use less motionless ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just see them as fantasy play and nothing more. Happy to play either if the situation arises.

Can see the appeal though for those who wish to really get stuck into the role but just seems too much wasted dedication and commitment.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

_ensual, that's absolutely amazing! Can't believe I've never read that before.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"What’s wrong with mutual fulfilment ? "

A D/s dynamic should be mutually fulfilling as its just a relationship with added bits.

As for the OP, there is no label you can use other than to say D/s not your cup of tea.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I normally agree with what you say but I would add a refinement to your comment.

Where couples roleplay then it is a relationship with the extra bits. But for people to whom BDSM and D/S is intrinsic to their nature, it would be like saying gay relationshbits are relationships with an extra bit. Being gay is an essential part of the relationship. For some of us the D/S part is an equal part to the relationship part.

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By *atenaWoman
over a year ago

Hyde


"I normally agree with what you say but I would add a refinement to your comment.

Where couples roleplay then it is a relationship with the extra bits. But for people to whom BDSM and D/S is intrinsic to their nature, it would be like saying gay relationshbits are relationships with an extra bit. Being gay is an essential part of the relationship. For some of us the D/S part is an equal part to the relationship part."

I really wanna edit this to be D/s ... is that pedantic ?

However ... I agree..... with lots of the above and many posters

You be you ... others will be them.

I could never be Domme ... icks me out. Me being in control .... NOOOOOO... I'm submissive. I don't like being in control thank you!!

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

You are not being pedantic, I originally thought of putting D/S,I can't remember why I changed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can be either, neither or both.

I find that I have a different dynamic with different people. I cannot categorically say I am any of those....

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