FabSwingers.com forum: Professional boundaries

By *nabelle21 OP Woman
over a year ago

B38

Can a manager also be a friend?

Do you understand when they put the 'needs' of the business before yours?

If your a manger and a friend does this blur the lines between friendship and business needs?

Have you found 'friends' take it personally if a request is denied?

Or... if, as a manager you have to implement unpopular processes, do friends take this personally?

Is it difficult to separate business and friendship?

Can you ever really be true friends with management?

Can management ever truly be friends with colleagues they manage?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Outside of work, yes

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By *tue555Man
over a year ago

Passed Beyond Reach

First rule of management - you can't be friends with an employee. Even if manger is fair with you others will see anything they don't agree with as favouritism

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First rule of management - you can't be friends with an employee. Even if manger is fair with you others will see anything they don't agree with as favouritism "

I know someone who is married to their manager. It's perfectly fine as long as any conflicts if interest are declared and "managed"

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

This is compounded more when it's family. I have worked a few days for an exe's Dad.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

Yes you can, if you're good enough to manage the friendship properly too.

I'm still friends with one of my employees 20 years later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/05/21 20:48:27]

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I was a colleague and friends with many of my team before I was promoted. I've managed people who are friends for 5 years and never ever had a problem.

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

More trouble than a friendship is worth... No others will always see shat they want to see and that's never good..

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You can't be an effective manager and a good friend in my opinion. It's really difficult to give a warning or instigate disciplinary proceedings against a friend

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By *nabelle21 OP Woman
over a year ago

B38

"You can't be an effective manager and a good friend in my opinion. It's really difficult to give a warning or instigate disciplinary proceedings against a friend"

This is what I'm thinking.

It's all good when everything is going well, but when it's not......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tricky one

When I was a manager I could have friendships. When I moved up into actual leadership it became untenable as the buck stopped with me so it was better all round if I was friendly but not friends.... Kept it easier for everyone

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

When I did my apprenticeship, it was only a small team where we all juggled multiple job roles. The MD was a great guy and very easy to get along with, and while others would try to be pals with him, I tried to maintain respect for his position.

I think he appreciated it because where others might try to use their position as friends to push him, I still tried to take him as seriously as possible when it came to work. That's bwhy I don't think it's possible for a manager and employee to be friends.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I don’t expect my manager to be a ‘friend’ but I would hope we share mutual trust and respect for one another, enough that open conversation can take place.

She knows she can rely on me and I know she has my back when I need it. So many managers play the. ‘ I’m THE boss’ card and wonder why they don’t get the best out of their employees

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"You can't be an effective manager and a good friend in my opinion. It's really difficult to give a warning or instigate disciplinary proceedings against a friend

This is what I'm thinking.

It's all good when everything is going well, but when it's not......"

Yep.

I was promoted internally and people I was very good friends with were suddenly under my supervision. I had to take a woman who I'd previously been close to aside and "discuss her behaviour" with her. It was extremely awkward and effectively ended our friendship.

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By *nabelle21 OP Woman
over a year ago

B38

"You can't be an effective manager and a good friend in my opinion. It's really difficult to give a warning or instigate disciplinary proceedings against a friend

This is what I'm thinking.

It's all good when everything is going well, but when it's not......

Yep.

I wouldn't like to be in either position!

It does make it really difficult!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"You can't be an effective manager and a good friend in my opinion. It's really difficult to give a warning or instigate disciplinary proceedings against a friend

This is what I'm thinking.

It's all good when everything is going well, but when it's not......

Yep.

I wouldn't like to be in either position!

It does make it really difficult!"

It's horrible. My motto is never promote within a department and don't be a manager if you need people to like you.

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By *nabelle21 OP Woman
over a year ago

B38

"You can't be an effective manager and a good friend in my opinion. It's really difficult to give a warning or instigate disciplinary proceedings against a friend

This is what I'm thinking.

It's all good when everything is going well, but when it's not......

Yep.

I wouldn't like to be in either position!

It does make it really difficult!

It's horrible. My motto is never promote within a department and don't be a manager if you need people to like you."

I can see why you think that

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

In my experience - when management have been very friendly with some staff that usually ends up with them giving them special treatment and breading bad feeling with the rest of the team.

As long a manager is far with all staff I couldn't care less who they spend time with outside of it

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Of course its doable.

A manager, team leader or supervisor is just an employee with a different set of responsibilities and maybe some accountabilities.

If your “friends” behaviour requires a talking to, would you have let it slide if you were not a manager or would you have still had a word?

What kind of friend puts you into that situation, and then blames you for having to do your job?

I worked my way up from the lowest position to part of the senior management team in the same department. While I have had to discipline friends I have yet to lose any because our relationships are strong enough and they appreciate my brutal honesty. I have even had people I have disciplined put me forward for award schemes at work.

Sadly, many people in management positions are not suited to it, or never get the training or support they need.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My manager is best friends with the deputy manager, not a good thing for staff as they always stick up for each other and not staff!

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham, North Yorkshire and can travel

Absolutely you can.

My bosses gave me and my work colleagues the afternoon off on Monday, invited us to their house for a birthday meal for me, with copious amounts of food and wine. They also gave me a birthday cake that they handmade and presents.

It's all about mutual respect, good communication, trust and honesty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tell people at work that save for works do's, I don't want anything to do with them outside of work

I don't confuse colleagues with friends

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I tell people at work that save for works do's, I don't want anything to do with them outside of work

I don't confuse colleagues with friends

I am friends with ex colleagues but used to avoid work do's like the plague. All that organised jollity and seeing your boss in a party hat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a Manager of a group of younger women I don't have that problem as I have nothing in common with them anyway.

And I am very clear about professional boundaries. I believe that there are less complications through blurred lines by being professional unbiased and objective

Saying that I get on like a house on fire with my boss....She isn't my friend though. She is my boss I am very clear on that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My manager sends me dick pics so I’d class her as a friend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a fantastic Manager and we could easily be friends but I don't think I'll socialise with her. Would rather keep a distance, tbh.

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By *nabelle21 OP Woman
over a year ago

B38

"My manager sends me dick pics so I’d class her as a friend

Not the same but...my driving instructor used to tell me how great she was at deep throating...that she gave great head.

The conversation often turned personal.

I had about 26 lessons, never took a test.

In the end I felt like she should be paying me, for the entertainment value alone.

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By *nabelle21 OP Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Absolutely you can.

It's all about mutual respect, good communication, trust and honesty."

Do you work for a small business?

Where I work this would never happen!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to be friendly with my manager but we’re not friends.

I try to be friendly with those I manage but I’m not getting invited to the pub.

It’s a fine line, and I think it’s more to do with people not wanting to appear unprofessional

To their line manager rather than anything else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a manager, and I am friendly with my staff, but I am not their friend. I have a good working relationship with them all, and I am certainly closer to my assistant manager , but again, we aren't 'friends'.

All my staff know they can call on me if they need to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My manager sends me dick pics so I’d class her as a friend

Not the same but...my driving instructor used to tell me how great she was at deep throating...that she gave great head.

The conversation often turned personal.

I had about 26 lessons, never took a test.

In the end I felt like she should be paying me, for the entertainment value alone.

Not quite the same but I once had a Manager who'd would say 'Suck it and See' if I had a new idea.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham, North Yorkshire and can travel

"Absolutely you can.

It's all about mutual respect, good communication, trust and honesty.

Do you work for a small business?

Where I work this would never happen!"

Yes it's a small business. I couldn't imagine working in a large business.

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By *nabelle21 OP Woman
over a year ago

B38

"My manager sends me dick pics so I’d class her as a friend

Not the same but...my driving instructor used to tell me how great she was at deep throating...that she gave great head.

The conversation often turned personal.

I had about 26 lessons, never took a test.

In the end I felt like she should be paying me, for the entertainment value alone.

Not quite the same but I once had a Manager who'd would say 'Suck it and See' if I had a new idea.

Was it said with a wry smile!

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By *nabelle21 OP Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Absolutely you can.

It's all about mutual respect, good communication, trust and honesty.

Do you work for a small business?

Where I work this would never happen!

Yes it's a small business. I couldn't imagine working in a large business."

What they did was lovely. You wouldn't get that in a large business, not from my experience

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By *nabelle21 OP Woman
over a year ago

B38

"I'm a manager, and I am friendly with my staff, but I am not their friend. I have a good working relationship with them all, and I am certainly closer to my assistant manager , but again, we aren't 'friends'.

All my staff know they can call on me if they need to. "

I think this is the stance I'd take if I was in that position.

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