FabSwingers.com forum: Romance Scams

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So, I’m just watching this show on BBC1 about scams (yes I do know how to live!). They are talking about romance scams. 1 woman met a guy online, a soldier. She fell in love with him and started sending him money. She started getting a bit suspicious when she realised she had sent him quite a lot without meeting him. Over the space of a year she had sent £400,000 to this guy, yes that’s right...... four hundred thousand pounds! Wtf, I’d be suspicious if someone I’d never met asked for £20.

How does this happen? I can’t imagine giving away money in this way. I’m sure we are all familiar with ‘fake’ profiles on here but to my knowledge I’ve never heard of this happening. I don’t know if I feel sorry for people it happens to or think they deserve it. Any thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think she was naive.

But I think the blame lies with the perpetrator.

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By *heNYCSausageMan
over a year ago

Everton

[Removed by poster at 18/05/21 09:56:04]

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By *heNYCSausageMan
over a year ago

Everton

"So, I’m just watching this show on BBC1 about scams (yes I do know how to live!). They are talking about romance scams. 1 woman met a guy online, a soldier. She fell in love with him and started sending him money. She started getting a bit suspicious when she realised she had sent him quite a lot without meeting him. Over the space of a year she had sent £400,000 to this guy, yes that’s right...... four hundred thousand pounds! Wtf, I’d be suspicious if someone I’d never met asked for £20.

Someone will be asking you “Have you got £19.99 for petrol to come see you? It’s below £20 so you won’t be suspicious”

Had to delete my first message cause it looked like I was offering to come see you haha

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By *awk90Man
over a year ago

Amsterdam

Silly thing to do, but no one deserves that. Scammers are scum, exploiting people.

There's definitely a lack of critical thinking here, but it's still not something that should be exploited!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I will clarify that I don’t blame anyone who gets scammed. It is definitely the scammer in the wrong. I’m just saying that surely alarm bells must be ringing somewhere. I’ve even seen shows where people have continued to send money after becoming suspicious!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Someone will be asking you “Have you got £19.99 for petrol to come see you? It’s below £20 so you won’t be suspicious”

Had to delete my first message cause it looked like I was offering to come see you haha "

Everyone has a price, right!

Thanks for clarifying it wasn’t actually an offer though

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It happens a lot more than people realise.

I've mentioned this before but a friend of our family has basically given everything she owns to a waiter she met on holiday about 20 years ago. These people home in on the lonely and vulnerable.

As a rule of you look in the mirror and compare your face to the face of the on line person you're about to send money to and you look like father and daughter or mother and son...you're about to be scammed.

Mr N's 85 year old step father began receiving Facebook friend requests from very beautiful, young women in far flung countries after he was widowed. I can guarantee none of them were interested in helping him through his grief.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I know what you mean about wondering how people fall for it but I guess they prey on lonely people's vulnerability and hope.

I've heard of retired nurses being scammed out of their pensions by people promising the world. I thought the same in that situation. The NHS pension is known for being very good so wouldn't you instantly be suspicious of anyone who promised you better and if it was such a win win, wouldn’t everyone be doing it? I guess some people are very convincing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If Judge Judy taught me anything its this "never loan money to friends or family you cannot afford to get back"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If Judge Judy taught me anything its this "never loan money to friends or family you cannot afford to get back" "

That’s very true. Reminds me of when I was younger. I was an apprentice back in the day on £40 per week. I had to pay £20 rent each week. Obviously if you are good at math that left me with £20.

I don’t know when or how it started but every week I would borrow £20 from my dad. Then the following week I would pay him back out of my wages, leaving me with £0. Obviously within hours I would borrow £20 from him again. I think this went on for about 2 years!

*£20 went a lot further back then!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fell for a couple of catfishes myself a week or so ago, never sent them money (hubby would have let me) but its crazy how a random person on the other end of a line of text can get in your head and im married so not lonely in a loved sense so must be very difficult for lonely people during covid

Unfortunately i can see moves to make the internet fully managed with id and daily verification over the next 10-20 years, wont help the genuine scammers but some regulation or support needs to be created to stop this happening

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Fell for a couple of catfishes myself a week or so ago, never sent them money (hubby would have let me) but its crazy how a random person on the other end of a line of text can get in your head and im married so not lonely in a loved sense so must be very difficult for lonely people during covid

I do get it, I know there are plenty out there. I’ve spoken to people on here that I’ve been unsure about. You want them to be genuine but still have that doubt. It kind of makes you question things.

I just wonder how lonely or naive you have to be to only question things once you’ve got up to £400,000!

I’m sorry that happened to you hopefully it’s not affected you badly.

I agree that could happen but a lot of scammers are so advanced that it will still happen

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I deal with fraud and the victims on a daily basis and not all of the people are gullible or stupid. It’s often them dealing with new systems or other situations that they’re not fully compatible with.

So an intelligent and normally streetwise person, can fall for a scam especially if it’s done with slowly and methodically. Using that person’s ignorance of new technology against their natural cautionary approach to sending money. Banks and other organisations are now trying to get people to deal with financial transactions online more these days so they can close branches. Due to this valuable advice on the high street is lost and that person may have to wait for an hour or so on the end of the phone to get clear advice if they are engaging in a risky enterprise.

Not seen the programme or deal with victims of romantic scams, but I have heard that it’s a growing trend especially with older people. If the perpetrators are living abroad and outside of the usual areas that law enforcement can get help to gather evidence, then it’s a crime that will be difficult to investigate and prosecute.

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

The amount of scams going round is definitely increasing.

I read somewhere they have offices somewhere with 100'sof people working round the clock.

All it takes is for a couple to get through.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I will clarify that I don’t blame anyone who gets scammed. It is definitely the scammer in the wrong. I’m just saying that surely alarm bells must be ringing somewhere. I’ve even seen shows where people have continued to send money after becoming suspicious!

I wonder this too.

But then some people find themselves in abusive real life relationships. It's not an immediate thing, it happens like a slow drip over time.

Looking back it may be obvious, but when they are in the situation they can convince themselves that everything is ok.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The amount of scams going round is definitely increasing.

I read somewhere they have offices somewhere with 100'sof people working round the clock.

All it takes is for a couple to get through."

I saw a video this weekend of a hacker taking control of the computer of a scammer. They looked terrified! A few scammers in the same room, all trying to figure out how he hacked them.

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By *he FAB Social - MCRCouple (FF)
over a year ago

manchester

I’ve seen on rightmove what 400k can but you in Africa. I might get on it.

Swingers safari hotel

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve seen on rightmove what 400k can but you in Africa. I might get on it.

Swingers safari hotel

Book me in for a suite!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just wonder how lonely or naive you have to be to only question things once you’ve got up to £400,000!

I’m sorry that happened to you hopefully it’s not affected you badly.

I agree that could happen but a lot of scammers are so advanced that it will still happen "

its made me a bit less open, every chat i now have theres a bit in my head saying is it worth it as there likely not who they say they are, but meeting for drinks in a public place will surely tell me

And i can understand people who through money at them, to them its only money they cant take it with them and under the cloud of love/emotion making someone they care about happy makes them happy, its only once they realise theyve been duped that the anger,emberassment sets in

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By *nfin8yWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

A guy on another site tried to scam me. Built up a whole back story lots of photos etc. Moved quickly into romancing mode then changed tack messaging me while

I was at work (always messaged late night/ early morning up till then. Wanted me to pay £3000 to someone one else?! for a work item he said he needed. I told him to do one but not until I’d got as much info as I could off him (which I was checking while he was messaging me back). It was all bs and I passed all the info on to Action Fraud but I never heard back (probs cos I didn’t hand any money over). My friend sent me a link to a site with loads of other women who got scammed using a very similar back story (working on oil rigs). Then a story in The sun about an older married lady who got taken for her life savings. These people who do this are scum.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"its made me a bit less open, every chat i now have theres a bit in my head saying is it worth it as there likely not who they say they are, but meeting for drinks in a public place will surely tell me

Hopefully you’ll get your confidence with people back eventually. That’s not to say there aren’t catfish out there but it’s a shame to let them win. You’re in a good position though as you have a couples profile and have a second opinion you can fall back on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A guy on another site tried to scam me. Built up a whole back story lots of photos etc. Moved quickly into romancing mode then changed tack messaging me while

A lot of these stories seem to have working away, oil rigs, army etc as a theme. I’m guessing this gives a validity to the I can’t meet you or go on cam as the internet is poor.

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By *nfin8yWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

"A guy on another site tried to scam me. Built up a whole back story lots of photos etc. Moved quickly into romancing mode then changed tack messaging me while

A lot of these stories seem to have working away, oil rigs, army etc as a theme. I’m guessing this gives a validity to the I can’t meet you or go on cam as the internet is poor. "

Exactly.

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By *ubmissiveman2uMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Bit embarrassed to say in all i have been scammed, mislead tottaling about £100 over the years.. Good news is I learnt my lesson, nobody gets nothing anymore they are just parasites with no soul.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Bit embarrassed to say in all i have been scammed, mislead tottaling about £100 over the years.. Good news is I learnt my lesson, nobody gets nothing anymore they are just parasites with no soul..... "

Quite right too. You’ve learned the hard way but thankfully before you lost too much

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By *he FAB Social - MCRCouple (FF)
over a year ago

manchester

I (GG) got catfished for 20 years and had a whole relationship. Dont even ask. It wasn’t an internet thing tho.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I (GG) got catfished for 20 years and had a whole relationship. Dont even ask. It wasn’t an internet thing tho. "

wow, I had no idea. That’s crazy

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Naivety, vulnerability, loneliness, a desire to help, too trusting etc. are all traits scammers look for.

We used to consider them conmen, confidence tricksters, social engineers but now just link them to scammers and wonder how people fall for them.

The ROI for your typical romance fraudster can be immense, especially when you consider they will have multiple victims on the go at the same time.

Their investment is mainly time, which a lot of them have in buckets.

Sadly many of the are outside the UK’s jurisdiction, so while you can report them to the police little action is ever taken.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Naivety, vulnerability, loneliness, a desire to help, too trusting etc. are all traits scammers look for.

A lot of these traits are displayed often on the forum, making them easier targets for folk on the hunt

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I have probably missed genuine opportunities because I trust absolutely nobody nowadays. If I need anything I go to the actual location or call them myself. There are some very sophisticated scams operating, including some where they actually use a genuine company's name, so when you research them at Companies House you are reassured.

I've told my parents to trust nobody but they forget or think that they can tell the difference between a genuine person and a scammer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're really lonely and someone pays you attention, you can fall into this trap. It's impossible to fall in love with someone you have not met, likewise, it would be impossible to be sexually attracted to someone on fab just by looking at a sexy photo. You can be interested, that's it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Naivety, vulnerability, loneliness, a desire to help, too trusting etc. are all traits scammers look for.

A lot of these traits are displayed often on the forum, making them easier targets for folk on the hunt "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel sorry for them but 400K ..... plain stupidity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks, hubbys pretty good in that regard used a ton off image searches and even had a couple he thought it might hsve been over facebok, problem is he wants to do that with everyone i talk too now

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"I feel sorry for them but 400K ..... plain stupidity. "

I watched it and felt sorry for her too, but did think come on 400k! Alarm bells would be ringing all over when they started asking.

They showed one woman who changed her status to widow and was getting inundated with friend requests from men in the US Army.

Horrible people praying on vulnerable people.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

I will never understand this or how people get in so deep to a complete stranger. You lend to friends / family what you don’t expect back, anyone else never.

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

There is a vast amount of material online about this type of scam.

I have recently been helping a guy who has been scammed; the police cannot help because he refuses to make a formal written complaint.

You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Naivety, vulnerability, loneliness, a desire to help, too trusting etc. are all traits scammers look for.

A lot of these traits are displayed often on the forum, making them easier targets for folk on the hunt "

Which puts them off even the decent blokes they could trust.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel sorry for them but 400K ..... plain stupidity.

I watched it and felt sorry for her too, but did think come on 400k! Alarm bells would be ringing all over when they started asking.

They showed one woman who changed her status to widow and was getting inundated with friend requests from men in the US Army.

Horrible people praying on vulnerable people. "

I have received messages on Facebook from American Doctors working overseas in the Army/Navy/Airforce. Always a widow and fell instantly in love when they saw my photo Lol. I just deleted and blocked them but I no longer have any pictures of myself on Facebook and use a pic of my dog as my profile. I also made all of my profile private and I don’t get them now.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I will never understand this or how people get in so deep to a complete stranger. You lend to friends / family what you don’t expect back, anyone else never. "

Me neither. I just can’t find any sympathy for these people at all I’m afraid. Baffles me.

It’s like that catfish programme my daughter watches! Unbelievable

. People get engaged and stuff! That’s not normal behaviour.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

They tend to pray on the emotionally vulnerable. There are, sadly, a lot of people out there who crave love, affection and attention and they are unable to see or allow themselves to see that they are being taken advantage of. Some have learning difficulties, some have other vulnerabilities that make it much harder for them to not see the truth.

This is why they are usually targeted. And once they are targeted and hand over money then their details are usually farmed out for others to attempt.

And really it’s quite easy to get taken in by some attention. It happens on here if the forums are anything to go by. Just sometimes it gets taken to a whole new level.

Victims are usually too ashamed and embarrassed to ask for help. I feel incredibly sorry for those this has happened to.

Yes most folk with common sense wouldn’t hand over money to a stranger, but there are some very sweet innocent minded people around who just see the good in folk. These are the ones who get targeted, usually. And it makes me so mad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" Naivety, vulnerability, loneliness, a desire to help, too trusting etc. are all traits scammers look for.

A lot of these traits are displayed often on the forum, making them easier targets for folk on the hunt

Which puts them off even the decent blokes they could trust."

Does it?

That's not what my thoughts are

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By *ersey GirlCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

I saw that. Poor woman but my god you just wanted to give her a shake

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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago

Newry Down

There is an old saying:

As the Lord made them,

He matched them!

Scammers know precisely who to target, what methods to use, the most opportune times, and how to extract the maximum.

Victims are ripe for exploitation because of their vulnerabilities: naivete, loneliness, gullibility, health problems, age, declining cognition, inexperience, dimwittedness, etc.

The internet has merely facilitated these scams on an industrial scale across the planet, but principally operating out of West Africa: Nigeria and Ghana, where internal corruption is pervasive and crime is epidemic.

The scammers there know there are rich pickings to be had abroad, in prosperous industrialised countries which have an ageing demographic.

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